Diane Stringam Tolley's Blog: On the Border, page 63
June 23, 2021
Choking It Down

Delicious in so many ways.The digging out of the 'berry pails' wasn't always a reason for celebration.When Mom headed towards the saskatoon bushes, yes.
But when the car turned to the chokecherry patch.
Not so much.
Don't get me wrong, we loved the end product of both enterprises.
But the picking of saskatoons also involved interim rewards. ie. the eating of said berries.
Chokecherries?
Again, not so much.
Fresh from the bush, they were . . . how shall I say this genteel-ly . . .?
Icky.
In fact, before any of the bright red berries passed our lips, they had to be cooked and treated.
And added upon.
And poured into jars.
As jam.
Or even better, syrup.
You have to know that there was nothing quite like homemade chokecherry syrup on Mom's fluffy pancakes.
Mmmmm.
Where was I?
Oh, yes.
Syrup.
It was a great family favourite.
My Husby's mother made fabulous chokecherry syrup as well.
Every year.
She then dispensed bottles of it to eagerly awaiting offspring.
It went fast.
As soon as one bottle emptied, another took its place.
And therein (good word) lies a tale . . .
We had been using one bottle of syrup.
Then, as often happens in a household where ten people are sharing the fridge, our little bottle got pushed to the back and hidden behind a bottle of pickles.
I should explain, here, that we always purchased everything edible in gi-normous (made-up word denoting humongous-ness) sizes.
Because mealtime for our bunch strongly resembled the feeding of a threshing crew.
So the idea of a quart-sized bottle being hidden behind a monstrous jar shouldn't be too much of a surprise.
Moving on . . .
There our little jar remained.
While I opened another.
Which was subsequently used.
And replaced.
Some months later, when I finally reached the back of our fridge, I discovered our forgotten, woefully neglected little bottle of chokecherry syrup.
Dismayed at the thought of lost deliciousness, I opened the lid.
And sniffed.
Huh.
Weird.
Probably, I should mention that neither of us drinks alcohol.
What follows makes more sense if I do . . .
“Grant, what's wrong with this chokecherry syrup?” I asked. “It smells . . . funny.”
“Funny, how?”
“Well, funny.”
I handed him the jar.
He sniffed. “I think you've created chokecherry wine, honey,” he said, grinning at me.
“What? How did I do that?”
“Fruit. Sugar. Neglect.”
Huh. So that's how it's done . . . “So what do I do with it now?”
“Well, I know someone who would probably enjoy it!”
We took it to our friend, who looked at it.
Swirled it around in the jar.
Sniffed it.
Then finally tasted it.
He looked at us. “Best chokecherry wine I've ever had,” he said, grinning.
Trust the two teetotallers to do it up right.
From the chokecherry patch, through Mom's kitchen (and fridge), to a tavern near you.
Bottom's up!
June 22, 2021
Charged with Stupidity
Perhaps you’ve heard of the Darwin awards?
If not, allow me to educate you . . .
These rather spectacular awards do not involve any kind of prize because most, if not all, of the people who achieve top status don’t live to brag about it. ‘Darwin’ awards are for those who, through their own foolish actions, take themselves out of the gene pool.
Most are cringe-worthy. Some downright shocking.
Some, fairly laugh-able.
This is my favourite:
Larry decided he wanted to witness life from a few feet in the air. Say 30 or so.
With this in mind, he roped a folding, aluminum lawn chair to the ground then tied 45 weather balloons to it. He buckled himself in for ‘safety’ with a BB gun to shoot at the balloons when he was satisfied with defying gravity and wanted to come back to earth . . . and cut his anchor rope.
He definitely went up.
But not to the 30 feet he had been anticipating.
Nope. He zoomed up to 15,000 feet.
Justifiably terrified, Larry hesitated shooting out any of his balloons, not knowing how quickly such an action would bring him back to earth. Thus, shivering with cold in his lawn chair, and clutching his gun to himself out of fear and the fact that his cold hands simply wouldn’t let go, he drifted into LA airspace.
And was reported by passing aircraft intent on landing.
I can just picture the cockpit conversations: “Erm, base? We have an armed interloper floating through our airspace in a lawn chair. Response?
Helicopters were sent out to investigate/rescue the hapless man.
Sadly, they couldn’t seem to get close. Every time they approached, their whirring blades blew him away from them.
Finally, they decided to try coming down on him from above and managed to get a line to him and pull him in.
Back on the ground, he was immediately arrested.
What was his crime? Trespassing? Posing an armed threat? Unconventional use of weather balloons and/or lawn chairs?
Myself? I think he should have been charged with stupidity and leave it at that.

Today is National Stupid Guy Thing Day. Seriously.
What an untapped treasure trove!
Go and see what the other entrants have concocted!
June 21, 2021
The Father Hood

The years fly past, his baby's reached the great old age of three,That wondrous time when head and hands reach *ouch* above the knee,The scars have healed from babe's first tooth, the child can even talk,The tiny hard hat's put away--his little one can walk.The child is toilet-trained, survived each illness, scratch and sore,Dad knows it all. (Good thing because his wife just had two more.)
His babes grow tall--or he grows small--there's quite a shift in size,He's not as smart as he once was, through his adolescent's eyes.He's older now and he can see both sides of any fight,But it matters not 'cause, like his child, he knows that he is right.And as he watches, painfully, the sometimes good and bad,There's one thing that will never change--the fact that he's their dad.
And so it goes, he does his best, survives on little rest,He goes the round t'ween work and home and simply does his best.There is little recognition for the work he does each day,A baby hug, a chocolate kiss may be his only pay.But he strangles his impatience as he watches tiny hands,And he gently speaks when teenage heads just do not understand.
His prods and pushes--anger, too, he tempers, 'cause he cares,His one reward, his children's love, he'll treasure through the years.

With poetry, we all besought
To try to make the week begin
With gentle thoughts,
Perhaps a grin?
So Karen , Charlotte, Mimi, me
Have crafted poems for you to see.
And now you’ve read what we have wrought…
Did we help?
Or did we not?
Next Week's topic should be fun...It's BUBBLES. Please tell everyone!
Thinking of joining us for Poetry Monday?We'd love to welcome you!
Topics for the next few weeks...Fathers (June 21) TodayBubbles (June 28)Bikinis (July 5)Cheer the Lonely (July 12)Raspberry Cake Day (July 19)Parents Day (July 26)Ice Cream Sandwich Day (August 2)Cats (August 9)Tell a Joke (August 16)Wind (August 23)Monsters (August 30)
June 20, 2021
Unexpected Lessons

June 18, 2021
The Real Thumb Wars


June 17, 2021
Carbon for Breakfast

Background: his brother, Bryce.
Ignore the gun . . .Dad was the youngest in a family of 11 children.
He had never been anywhere.
When Dad was five, his father decided he was old enough, finally, to go along when he took supplies to one of the family cow camps - about 35 miles away over roads that were mostly trails across the prairie.
The two of them started out.
Though the day had started out beautiful, the weather quickly turned sour.
As often happens in Southern Alberta.
And before they could start for home, a blizzard had blown in.
Travel quickly went from difficult to impossible.
Granddad decided that he and his youngest son would have to bunk with the rotund keeper (who also served as cook, bottle washer, chore boy, range rider and chief spinner of horrendous tales) of the camp.
Dad was beyond excited.
It was his very first time sleeping away from home.
The next morning dawned bright and clear.
Something else that often happens in Southern Alberta . . .
And Granddad decided that travel home would be attempt-able.
Before the two of them left, however, they were offered breakfast by the keeper.
He made bacon and eggs and, because the old, wood-burning, camp stove was rather unpredictable, biscuits that were burned black.
At first, Dad turned up his nose at the sight of the large, black lumps, but, after seeing his father eat a couple, he decided to try.
They weren't too bad.
He even got through a second.
Safely back at home a few hours later, as they were sitting down to lunch, his mother asked how he had liked it at the camp.
Dad was quite excited about the whole experience and talked about it enthusiastically.
He wished he could have stayed.
His Mom asked what he had eaten for breakfast.
It had been great, he enthused.
And he had eaten all of it!
"What did you have?" his mother asked.
"Bacon 'n eggs 'n coal!" Dad said proudly.
No wonder people were hardier back then.
June 16, 2021
Friction

June 15, 2021
Shoed

Okay, yes, modern housing has reached the heights of ridiculous-ness. But, you know what? Things have been worse…
Years ago, a couple lived in a fine house in the countryside and were blessed with many children.
But one semi-average day, their lives were forever changed when a giant destroyed their beautiful home with a club.
And to add insult to injury he took the father/husband, who was a talented wood-cutter, as his prisoner.
I know what you’re thinking. Rude. Cause they weren’t bothering anyone with their quiet lives and 18 children.
But he did what he did and left the poor wife/mother with no home and lots mouths to feed.
Now he did leave something behind. A shoe. Strange, and can I just say: weird? Nevertheless, it’s true.
The shoe, being about size 1,000,000EEEEEE was the right size for a poor fatherless family of 19.
They added a roof, a couple of amenities like a window and doors. And a boatload of deodorizer.
And moved right in. I totally get their reasoning. Giant takes father/breadwinner. Family takes shoe. Completely equitable. Right?
Now other versions of this story suggest the mom had tyrannical tendencies. All those are simply not true.
She was kind and just and her children did all they could to contribute to the family fortunes.
One day, the eldest son and his eleven brothers decided it was their duty to rescue their father.
Armed with swords none of them knew how to use, they started off. Following in the Giant’s footsteps.
Let’s face it, the print of a 1,000,000EEEEEE shoe is definitely not going to be hard to follow.
Soon they came to a huge castle. (Because, why not?) The eldest brother banged on the front door.
A strange man with a big head answered. (I know, it’s an unkind description. It’s all I have…)
The young man demanded his father. The doorman nodded and took the young man to the dark dungeons.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? If it was this easy, why didn’t they do it months before?
The man with the big head (sorry, again) disappeared and the young man went alone into the dungeon.
There he found a great, sleeping dragon. What happened next was a direct result of dozing on duty.
The young man stabbed that sleeping dragon right through the heart. (Hands up all you who guessed it.)
The dragon died without a whimper and the young man moved on and, of course, found his father.
(This story practically writes itself, wouldn’t you say?) The young man returned with his father to his brothers.
You’re right. The siblings didn’t have much to do in this story. The eldest brother just needed company.
Meanwhile, a witch/confirmed Giant hater, stopped by the shoe. Over tea, she convinced the Mom to come a-giant-ing.
Not quite sure how. I guess the Mom was still a bit miffed over the whole destroyed-house-abducted-husband scenario.
The two of them started out, only to find said Giant sleeping in a field not far away.
Probably he needed the rest after crushing the hopes, dreams and dwelling of yet another family. Seeing a pattern here?
The witch, being very powerful, cursed him with corns and tender feet. (Because what could possibly be worse?)
When the giant awoke, he groaned in pain. (Anyone feeling sorry?) and thought of his uber-comfortable lost shoe.
A short time later, he found it. Because it’s rather hard to hide a 1,000,000EEEEEE shoe. Right?
Ignoring the large number of children fleeing and running for their very lives, he put it on.
I don’t know about you, but I always shake my shoes before donning in case there’s anything inside.
Something disgusting like spiders. Or crawly bugs. It never once occurred to me to check them for children.
Just then, the boys/dad arrived and started shooting at the giant with the bows and arrows they carried.
…?! The bows and arrows that haven’t been mentioned till right now. I guess we needed the surprise?
Wounded, the giant fell to the ground, where he was quickly and easily dispatched by Eldest Son’s aforementioned sword.
Father, Mother and children were reunited to the joy of all and began plans to re-think their housing.
Because, how on this green earth were they going to pry giant shoe off said corn-y giant foot?
And who would want to. Ewww. Nope. Their exciting new plans were for something a little more conventional.
The witch faded quietly/happily into the landscape, her own personal vendetta against the giant well and truly over.
Now you know the realstory of the woman/children who lived in a shoe. You’re welcome . . .

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: each month one of the participating bloggers pick a number between 12 and 50. All bloggers taking part that month are then challenged to write using that exact number of words in their post either once or multiple times.
This month’s word count number is: 18
It was chosen by: Mimi of Messymimi’s Meanderings
Check out these other participating blogs!
June 14, 2021
Monkeyshines
He’ll shoulder in, with work to doHe loves his wife, and kiddies too,He’s loyal, almost to a fault,A fisherman--a seasoned salt.
But after a long day at seaHe’ll meet the boys occasionally,And, of the good stuff, have a dram,Then get himself into a jam.
‘Cause Paddy, when he’s had a few,There's not that monkey will not do,Though he draws the line at lawless stuff,It's hard for him to say, "Enough!"
He’s mixed the pigs in with the sheep,And upset everybody’s sleep,Howled with dogs and sang with cats,Joined Ladies Aid with a box of bats.
Dropped a pig in the local pub,Took chickens to the senior’s club.Yes, Paddy really has a knack.For monkeying 'round the 'mischief' track.
Until that time e’en Paddy knewHe’d knocked the Universe askew.He had to make a major change.Frivolities, he’d rearrange . . .
It’d started harmlessly enough,With Paddy swimming ‘in the buff’.Just floating out there in the bayTill the Archbishop came his way.
I must admit: How could he knowAn august visitor would show?But there he was upon the sand,With formal robes and raise-ed hands.
Well, Paddy rose out of the sea,His clothing somewhat absentee,Advanced to ask him “What's the craic?”And give His Grace’s hand a shake.
And right there on the sea levee,In frank and simple way, did heBeseech His Excellence to leave.A blessing for one who believed.
The small request no sooner said,His Grace’s face turned slightly red,T’was only then Pad realizedThey were the focus of all eyes.
The village, whole, was there to see.Pad sobered up immediately,And in the mayhem that ensued,Vowed he would be more subdued.
So if you’re staying here to sleep,Hear pigs and chickens, dogs and sheep,Know, with those feats of fun and brawn,That Paddy’s clothes are staying on.

With poetry, we all besought
To try to make the week begin
With gentle thoughts,
Perhaps a grin?
So Karen , Charlotte, Mimi, me
Have crafted poems for you to see.
And now you’ve read what we have wrought…
Did we help?
Or did we not?
Next Week's the day past Father's Day,Let's Honor Dads once more--what say?
Thinking of joining us for Poetry Monday?We'd love to welcome you!
Topics for the next few weeks...Monkey Around Day (June 14) Today!Fathers (June 21)Bubbles (June 28)Bikinis (July 5)Cheer the Lonely (July 12)Raspberry Cake Day (July 19)Parents Day (July 26)
June 11, 2021
Scooting
And, let’s face it, with the advent of Peter, my life in particular has taken on a distinct glow.
In the weeks since that first meeting at the park, we have managed to meet at quite a few other places.
7-11 for Slurpies.
Wendy’s for Baconators.
Pizza Hut for . . . you know . . . pizza.
Popeye’s for the best chicken sandwich this side of anywhere.
And more than one visit to Dunkin’ Donuts.
I know. I know. That’s a lot of meeting ‘somewhere elses’. I’ll tell you right here: I was just a bit afraid of exposing him to too much Sally.
Because.
So I discovered that we like the same food, drinks and snacks.
And, once I relented and allowed him a closer acquaintance with my family by actually (gasp) inviting him inside our yard, we realized there were even more things we had in common.
Like liking the same movies on Sally’s big outdoor screen.
Even those featuring heartbreak, beautiful women in distress and/or men in kilts.
Seriously. He’s the first guy I know who also cries at the end of Pride and Prejudice.
That alone would be a reason to hang onto him.
He’s also steady, honest and I probably don’t have to mention it—brave.
Because this guy can handle Sally’s shenanigans. Well, I’m just going to say it: he’s a king among men and leave it at that.
But today, he proved that, not only is he all of the above, he’s also smart . . .
Sally and Mort were pouring over some sort of catalogue when I reached the breakfast table out on the back deck this morning.
That alone shouldn’t be reason for alarm.
But in our household, it is.
You know that Sally’s job pays . . . quite well.
So money is definitely not a problem at this time in her (and by association: our) life.
As I sat down to Mom’s amazing apple popovers and homemade yogurt, I glanced casually over at what had them so engrossed.
It was a motorcycle catalog.
M-O-T-O-R-C-Y-C-L-E C-A-T-A-L-O-G.
Did this orchestrate the same symphony of alarm into your heart as it did mine?
Then, all I can say is this: YOU DON’T LIVE WITH HER!!!
Suddenly, all I could picture was Sally, hell-bent-for-leather, riding through the formerly peaceful streets of our fair city, causing no end of mayhem.
And Mort right behind her, tangling up the dripping remains.
I mean, if they would promise to only ride out in the boondocks, then maybe.
But what are the chances of that?!
My life and the lives of all the other innocent citizens who called this city home suddenly flashed before my eyes.
My mouth was instantly frozen in an ‘oh’ of horror.
And then Peter walked in.
Well, knocked on the back gate and waited for admittance.
Then walked in.
Suffice it to say I was more than glad to see him.
He took one look at that magazine, then turned and glanced at the dismay that was still writ large on my face.
And pulled out his phone.
“You know what would be better than motorbikes?” he asked.
Both Sally and Mort looked at him. “What?” asked Sally, already interested.
“Mobility scooters.”
“Say again?” Mort said.
“No. You could totally have fun with these!” Peter tapped a few keys and held the phone out to them. “See? They’re electric. You could get a bunch of them and have all kinds of races. Play baseball. And, at a top speed of 4 miles-per-hour, everyone could do it!”
Sally reached for his phone, her eyes glued to the screen. “Yeah . . .” she said softly.
I was staring at him.
In less than 100 words, he had neatly diverted their attention.
And channeled their enthusiasm toward something not too deadly.
This man wasn’t just smart. He was a genius!
By this afternoon, Sally, Mort and Scary Gary along with half a dozen neighbourhood kids and at least three seniors were organizing races and a baseball game around the park in the center of our neighbourhood.
And from now on, when any of us speak to Peter, we're just going to call him ‘Sir’.He deserves it.

That’s the challenge—here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.
And given to me by my sweet friend, Rena at: https://wanderingwebdesigner.com/blog
At the end of this post are the other blogs featuring this challenge.
Check them all out—see what words they got and how they used them.
Baking In A Tornado
Wandering Web Designer
Climaxed
What TF Sarah
Part-time Working Hockey Mom
On the Border
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