Diane Stringam Tolley's Blog: On the Border, page 14

Bossy's Drawers

In the days before email...As a landowner, employer and community leader, my Dad received a lot of correspondence.A lot. I know. He used to send me or one of the other kids uptown with A PILLOWCASE to retrieve it.True Story: I would dump the pile on his desk, wait while he went through it, then ask, "Anything for me?"To which he invariably answered, "What's your name?"To which I invariably replied, "Diane."To which he invariab... you get the point.Back to my main point. Daddy (not me) got a lot of mail. From all sorts of people.One letter stands out...One day, he came into the kitchen holding a piece of paper.Mom looked at him. "What is that?""Oh, something interesting."She looked at him expectantly.He grinned, then beckoned her to the table.I came too because... 'something interesting'.Daddy: "This is a letter from a woman protesting the naked state of the animals in the fields."Mom, frowning: "Do tell!"Daddy: "She proposes that we start a push to clothe said animals."Mom: "Sooo...cows and stuff."He nodded.Mom: "Ummm...."Daddy: "My thoughts exactly."Mom: "So what are you going to tell her?"Daddy: "Oh, I'll think of something."Mom: "But you aren't going to encourage her?"Daddy, waggling his eyebrows: "What do you think?"Mom: "Mark!"Daddy did respond.His reply was somewhere along the lines of, "Dear Madame. What you propose would be interesting, indeed. But sadly impossible from both a logistical and a practical sense.For example, once Bossy has dropped her bloomers out there in the field to 'take care of business', how, exactly is she going to get them back up again?"Yours, truly, Mark R. Stringam DVMShe did reply, somewhat put out by his response.But the whole matter was dropped there.Kind of like Ol' Bossy's drawers. Daily Mail

Potty Consonants

In our early days, there is just so much to learn.One of the most important of which is ‘language’.And getting those pesky consonants to say what theyare supposed to say.This will become evident further along.Ahem…Tiny Daughter (hereinafter TD) had just passed thetime of DIAPERS.She was now in big girl pants.But the toilet ‘procedures’ were ongoing.Mostly successful.At times…downright humourous…Mom: “Now remember to wipe from front to back…”TD: “Bagina to bum. Bagina to bum!”(Remember where I mentioned ‘consonants’? That wouldapply here.)Mom: Va…Va… Va gina. Like V ... V olcano.”Silence for a moment…TD: “Volcano to Bum. Volcano to Bum.”Training is ongoing…

Broke Baroque

A museum planned aconcert with their Baroque instruments,But then they saw the gadgetsneeded care for the event,A great Vivaldi violinand a harpsicord of Bach’s,The keyboard neededtuning and the violin had pox.And all the others neededeven more of urgent care,And so they called thespecialist to help with the repairs,The man looked them allover (and there really were a bunch),He said, “Where shouldI start? And know, I won’t be done by lunch!”Director looked at himand said, “When you’re making all your picks…”“Our rule for thisconcert? If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix!”
Cause Mondays do get knocked a lot,
With poetry, we all besought
To try to make the week begin
With gentle thoughts,
Perhaps a grin?
So  Karen , Charlotte, Mimi, me
Have crafted poems for you to see.
And now you’ve read what we have wrought…
Did we help?
Or did we not?

Next week's post might smell a bit,But 'Compost', sure, will be a hit!
Thinking of joining us for Poetry Monday?We'd love to welcome you!Topics for the next few weeks (with a huge thank-you to Mimi, who comes up with so many of them!)...
Musical Instruments (May 22) Today!Compost (May 29)Hot Air Balloons (June 5)Red Roses (June 12)Kissing (June 19)Canoes (June 26)Mirrors (July 3)Teddy Bears (July 10)Emojis (July 17)Cousins (July 24)Avocados (July 31)Moonshine (August 7)Roses (August 14)Sea Monsters (August 21)At the Beauty Parlour/Parlor (August 28)

Bringing Up Gramma

My sometimes ride. And chauffeur.Looking forward to school’s end and the start of the summer holiday. Because...For many of you, the statement: ‘The Tolley family tends to spend a lot of their summer outside on bicycles’ will come as no surprise.

I’m almost sure I’ve mentioned it before.

And it's true.Every morning, weather permitting, we saddle-up—Grampa, Gramma and as many of the chicks and chicklets as are out of bed and/or conscious.

With 27 members of our family living within town limits, at times it’s quite a group.

But the fact that we live in a community riddled with small lakes and a veritable web of biking trails makes the whole thing . . . in a word . . . easy.

Even taking into account that our town crowns the highest hill for miles and there is, of necessity, a lot of up-ing and down-ing.

With such a trail of cyclists, it’s a blessing that we have to cross only the occasional major street.

Our mishaps have been relatively few.

In fact, the only people who have pitched off their bikes are Granddaughter #4 (our newest little rider) . . . and Grandma.

And guess which one holds the record?And yet I still insist on going.

Sigh. 

Finally, sitting on a park bench, putting yet another band-aid on Grandma's much-abused knee, and while the kids played at that day’s choice of park, Daughter #1 came up with an ingenious solution. One, I should point out, that would still allow Grandma to continue on the rides, but would be marginally safer and include two-wheeled death traps only peripherally.

Ahem . . .

Her answer? Pump Grandma full of helium, tie a string to her ankle, and float her along behind one of the bikes.

Like a balloon.Can’t you just see it?

Her idea sparked all kinds of responses: “Ahhhh Reel me in! Low bridge! Low brid . . .!” and “Kids! Power li . . .zzzzaaaap!” and the ever popular: “I told you not to untie Grandma! Now we’ll never get her back!” That little beauty was also followed closely by: “Good thing we wrote her address on her forehead!”

There were suggestions of “Old Air/Wind/Gas bag” and something to do with “being full of hot air”. But by that point, I was already on my bike and halfway out of the parking lot.

My family’s for sale if you want them.

 You get the idea . . .

Entertained at the Old Watering Hole

Or you could do it that way . . .There was no lawnmower in the early days on the Berg Ranch.

When the grass got long, the hay mower could be used, but in smaller areas, this proved impossible.

One had to get creative.

The four-footed lawnmowers were brought out.

Usually, the well-trained saddlehorses would take care of the problem—filling their bellies and tidying the area at the same time.

But one year, three Angus bulls were given the job. They spent their days tethered out among the trees, contentedly munching the long grass and growing fat in the cool shade.

For water, someone would untie them, lead them across the yard to the trough by the barn, then take them back to continue their ‘work’.

It worked well. Till the ‘incident’.

Anyone who has lived on (or near) a farm can tell you that there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ day.

Usually, the dust-ups and uh-ohs are just something to laugh at.

And, fortunately, that was the case here.

One evening, several of my Berg uncles were leading the three members of their lawn maintenance crew to water. Grampa Berg happened to be standing there beside the trough as they approached.

Meanwhile, across the barnyard, two salesmen in a car slid to a stop. Seeing Grampa out in the yard, they started toward him.

All went well to this point. Bulls. Uncles. Grampa. Salesmen.

Now the bulls were used to their Berg attendants. And knew all of them by sight.

But these salesmen were new and strange.The bulls decided they were worth investigating.

At a run.

Towing the boys.

The salesmen were understandably alarmed. And decided, individually and collectively, that their best course was to run.

Which they did.

Right into each other.

Resulting in two stunned salesmen trying to crawl away along the ground.

The bulls stopped short and stared. Yep. Here was definitely something new . . .

I know you'll agree with me that there is all kinds of entertainment for us humans at our local ‘watering holes’.Turns out it’s the same for the four-footed variety as well.

A Frog-ly Prince

Okay, yes, I’m taking a little bit of ‘poetic license’ here.Even though this couldn’t remotely be considered a poem. Ahem… Remember the story of SnowWhite? Wherein a girl lived withseven men, married an eighth and no one thought it remarkable? Well SnowWhite’s ‘happily-ever-after’ included a teenaged daughterwho loved to play with a golden ball her father gave her.
I am not making this up (though someone obviously did…).Nope. Beautiful Princess Penelope had a golden ball—her favourite toy.
Now one day whilst happily playing in the garden, she lost theaforementioned ball of golden. You know how these happen.
You throw something into the air and it lands…elsewhere.Husby does it all the time with garbage and the trash receptacle.
Well it happened this time vis-à-vis ball and the nearby stupidly-deep(Penelope’s description) well. Tears ensued. And a princess-ly tantrum.
Stemmed only when a very small voice at Penelope’s feetspoke up. “Princess. I can get your ball for you!”
Admittedly, it took a while for our sweet princess to evenhear the voice, openly and vocally aggrieved as she was.
But finally, she began to pay attention to the large frog ather feet. The one…you know…speaking. Human words.
Now I’ve caught a lot of frogs, what with my riverside upbringing,and never have any of them talked to me.
And, trust me, I’ve coaxed. But this one did. He toldPenelope he could fetch her precious ball. For a price.
She was definitely listening now. If he didn’t have her at ‘Hello,Princess’, he definitely had her at ‘Pay me!’
The price? She had to let him eat from her plate at everymeal and sleep on her pillow at bedtime.
She agreed. Because…ball. But let’s face it, she probablydidn’t really think things through. A frog at bed, bath and beyond?
I know what my parents would have said. DID say. I can stillhear their loudly-voiced veto from the distance of decades.
But her tearful pleas and/or her convincing story of familyhonour resting on the fulfillment of a contract did the trick.
She suddenly had a very entertaining and talkative newroommate. One who was with her morning, noon and night. Quite literally.
The two grew to be friends. The princess even graduated thefrog from pocket to pillow transportation. A big leap. (Snort.)
Then the frog’s next request was voiced. (That’s the thingabout frogs. Give them an inch; they swim all over you.)
An itty bitty kiss. I’m quite sure the princess at least…blinked.That’s quite a request. Even from a best-friend talking frog.
But, hey. I mean, they’d been friends for days now. And what’sa kiss between friends? She considered it a moment.
Then shrugged, held the frog up…and kissed it. Right on the bigol’ ‘kisser’. Can anyone say ‘Ew?’ Oh, yeah. Me.
Immediately, or maybe sooner, the frog began to shimmer. Thenshiver. Then change from a…frog…into something a heck-of-a-lot more human-ish.
Before she knew it, Penelope was staring at a full-grownman. In her bedroom. All sorts of alarms went off.
A small voice from the bottom of the dogpile featuring everysingle one of Penelope’s body-guards finally garnered some attention.
Slowly the guards got to their feet and pulled the frog-manto his. And then the whole sordid story came out.
He was actually a prince who had been enchanted by a jealous,overly-amorous and unrequited witch. A terrible combination, you’ll agree…
The spell she had placed upon him was keyed, ironically, tothe act of kissing. Only a smooch would save him.
Once the furor had died down the two, girl and former frog,discovered that their budding friendship was actually something more.
Marriage followed. And yadda, yadda, yadda…happily everafter. It’s amazing how often that happens. Fact or fiction, it makes me happy.
Today’s post is a word challenge! Each month one of us chooses a number between 12 and 50 and the rest craft a post using that number of words one or multiple times.
This month’s number is: 21It was chosen by Mimi of Messymimi'smeanderings!


Now go and see what my friends have created!Baking In ATornadoMessymimi’sMeanderings

Making It Up

I've been away, you may have seen That on my blog I have not been, Some catching up, I have to do, So here're some poems from me to you!
April 17: Safety Pins:
Most pins are sharp, I’m sure you know,It helps them go where they need to go,I’ve used a few, I will admit,To fasten things that needed it,I’m always cautious, those things hurt!And I will not with danger flirt,So ‘safety pins’ I choose to use,Thusly named, I cannot lose,But something more I must submit…They all still have a pointy bit!
April 24: Pigs in Blankets
I love blankets, yes, I do,To cuddle, and the cold eschew,It isn’t rare to find me rolled,Encapsulated ‘gainst the cold.You would imagine I’d support,Giving wraps to weaker sorts,Most everyone would benefit,From having blankets, sewn or knit,But there’s one group I won’t acceptTheir needing blankets while they slept,And that group is the pigs, you see,There’s no need. They’re not like me,But there are other ways that they‘Go together’ as they say…Cause Pigs in Blankets as a treat?There are few things have them beat!
May 1: Rhino
Sometimes in nature, we will see,A crossing of an “A” and “B”,Like lion with a tiger, whew!A ‘Liger’s’ what you get. It’s true.A donkey and a horse result,In one big mule. It’s no one’s fault,A donkey also features withA zebra. Zonkey’s not a myth!There’s Jaglions and Grolar Bears,Coywolfs, Camas, (please don’t stare!)Beefalos, Narlugas, too,And Hinny’s (Just to name a few)…But cross and elephant and rhino?What do you get? Ellefino!
May 8: Socks (For this, I cheated--sorry, peers--This is a po-em from last year...)
“Please tell us of your problem, sir,

We're here to give you aid.

Supporting is how we get through,

Speak up! Don't be afraid!”“Just look around the circle, Sir,

There’s not but friends you’ll see.

Get the whole thing off your chest,

Then Madge will serve us tea...”

“It started much as any day,”

He said. And then he sighed,

“A run together in the dawn,

I was so proud, I cried.”“Then changing for the workday, but

A load of laundry first.

Who knew that act would be her last?

‘Twas like we both were cursed!”

“So innocent as soap went in,

Naive as buttons pressed,

Then watched as clothes began to swirl,

And tumble with the rest.”“All was well until the load,

Was moved into the drier.

And watching it together as

The heat was getting higher.”

“Then she was gone, t’was just that fast,

My love was there no more.

And all I had was memories

Of what we had before.”“I’ve tossed it round within my mind,

There really is no doubt

As a pair of socks, we two went in,

As a single, I came out.”
So that is it, I've caught right up, All that's left's today's poem. (Yup.) I'll not abandon you, and hey! I'm happy that you came to play!

May 15 (Today!): Chocolate Chip
It started as a cookie, yes!T’was better, far, than all the rest,An enterprising tollhouse wife,A small idea. Got a knife,And chopped a ‘something’ into bits,And to her dough, she added it,Then her idea just took off,And, trust me, no one teased or scoffed,Cause people came for miles around,To taste that treat. And soon all foundThat it surpassed all those that were,And caused more than a little stir…Today we add her ‘something’ toThe things we bake and cook and chew,Deliciousness from plate to lip…What did she make? The CHOCOLATE CHIP!
Cause Mondays do get knocked a lot,
With poetry, we all besought
To try to make the week begin
With gentle thoughts,
Perhaps a grin?
So  Karen , Charlotte, Mimi, me
Have crafted poems for you to see.
And now you’ve read what we have wrought…
Did we help?
Or did we not?

Next week, we'll all get musical,Of INSTRUMENTS, you'll get your fill!
Thinking of joining us for Poetry Monday?We'd love to welcome you!Topics for the next few weeks (with a huge thank-you to Mimi, who comes up with so many of them!)...
Chocolate Chip (May 15) Today!Musical Instruments (May 22)Compost (May 29)Hot Air Balloons (June 5)Red Roses (June 12)Kissing (June 19)Canoes (June 26)Mirrors (July 3)Teddy Bears (July 10)Emojis (July 17)Cousins (July 24)Avocados (July 31)

Paying Up at the Library

Peter, Sally, Mort and I were on our way to the library.

Okay, it was wasn’t our first choice.

The afternoon had started out with a peaceful game of croquet in our back yard.

But with one thing and another—okay, I admit it. Sally and Mort really don’t know how to play croquet properly. “Decimate thine opponent” really isn’t an approved rule. Or an option.

But it is their favourite move, consisting, as it does of one person hitting their ball close to their opponent’s ball and then calling “FORE!” and smacking that unfortunate sucker into orbit.

Between the four of us, we saw a lot of orbits in that game.

And we didn’t even get to finish.

Because one of Sally’s more spectacular shots put Peter’s shiny blue ball right through the kitchen window.

You know, the window that Sally took out whilst trying to flip an omelet on the fateful day that Peter and I met?

Yeah.

That window.

Anyways, as fate would have it, Mom and Baby Ivy were in said kitchen when said window exploded.

Oops.

Thus our expulsion, not only from the game, but from the immediate vicinity.

Don’t underestimate the power of a ticked-off Mama.

And, because I had a library fine to pay that I had been avoiding all week, we decided that the time had come to do it. I was actually pleased to have the company. There is safety in numbers. Supposedly.

During the walk, I was reciting what I would say to the girlbehindthedesk when we got there. “Hi! I’m Gwen Hart. I need to pay a fine.” Or “Hi, I’m Gwen Hart. I need to pay a fee.”

I had discussed, in depth, which covered it and sounded more cultured and sophisticated, ‘fine’ or ‘fee’.

But my wretched non-helpers were divided.

Thus my continuing vacillation.

“I need to pay a fine.” Or “I need to pay a fee.”

And yes, this went on all the way to the library.

Ahem…

When we got there, I took a deep breath, pulled open the imposing and rather intimidating front door and, my steps lagging, made my way to the front desk.

I don’t know why this sort of thing bugs me. I mean, isn’t paying a fine for having returned a book late just the price of the whole library experience?

Let’s simply agree it does and move on, shall we?

The girlbehindthedesk watched me as I approached. No smile.

Ugh. This was going to be just as difficult as I had imagined.

I moved up to the counter and took another deep, sustaining breath.

I looked her in the eye and said (I am not making this up), “I have to pee.”

Both of us stared at each other for a heartbeat or two.

Then, I just laid a dollar on the counter and the four of us left.

Even Sally couldn’t have topped that.

Today’s post is a writing challenge. Participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post with the understanding that all words be used at least once. All the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

Today, I’m using: price ~ approve ~ call ~ cover ~ fine

They were supplied by my patient and wonderful friend, Karen at Baking in a Tornado! Thank you!!!

Now see what my friends have created for this challenge with their words!

Baking In A Tornado

Climaxed

For Rena

 This is for Rena, my wonderful,wonderful, wise friend, co-conspirator and staunch supporter. I’ll miss youforever, dear sister!

 

When we holiday, weusually like to rent a house with several bedrooms and have our friends join usas they can.Usually, it hasworked out great!Ocassionally, ithasn’t.Our trip toGuadalupe in 2020 was…less than perfect.Lost luggage for sixpeople.No bathroom for a householdof 8.No hot water.No oven.Ongoing renovations from window installations to full-sized backhoes digging up the driveway and front yard.Let’s just say thefirst two weeks were a disaster and stop there.Here is what welearned… Holidaying always looks great.Relaxing and perfect.When one is anticipating.Let’s just say it’s not always so goodwhen one is experiencing.And just FYI: B&B photos aren’talways accurate. Ditto for reviews.Always remember to pack essentials inyour little carry-on. You never know where your luggage will vacation. Oftenit’s not going where you’re going.When renting a car, make sure it’s notto a company waiting to pick you up on Martinique. When you’re on Guadeloupe.There’s a fair slice of ocean between them.When your Landlady promises every dayfor twenty days that you will have wifi... tomorrow, it’s really okay to beginto NOT believe her.You don’t have to stay home from yourday at the beach to let workmen in. They aren’t going to show up anyway. Actuallythat’s not quite true. They will showup. Right at suppertime. And stay till midnight.The noisier the tools—the later theystay.One working toilet for eight people inthe corner of one of the bedrooms can suffice. It just takes a LOT ofcooperation.A brand new bathroom (and toilet)following a week of noise and confusion and workmen at all times is definitelyworth it. We think. One other important thing, though, isa door on that new bathroom. People get skittish when whatever they are doingis public knowledge.Just because supposedly competentworkmen have been properly engaged, it doesn’t follow that said workmen willinstall the new windows in the right holes.One can do without hot water in thekitchen. As long as there is plenty of it in the one working bathroom. And onehas at least one big bucket. True story.You can think of a million and onedishes you want to make in the oven—when you don’t have one that works. Oh, andremember to watch out for the exposed wires that are the reason said oven doesn’twork. They can really pack a wallop.Just because a toaster istop-of-the-line, it doesn’t follow that it will actually…toast.Always keep a thick, absorbent mat onthe floor in front of all the sinks. So the water will have someplace to go.The Landlady’s idea of a beautifulswimming pool—and yours—are probably poles apart. Nine feet of mud isn’t ninefeet of water. And back-hoes working on some remote building site arefascinating. Back-hoes in your front yard, digging away your driveway and your onlyaccess to your B&B are not. Buying tools and effecting repairsyourself is totally acceptable. And may save your precious sanity. Just don’texpect a reduction in the rent.When a foreman says he will come backand build you a front step, believe him. A pallet can be a front step.Sometimes desperate tourists are thepopular fathers of invention. Walkways made out of pilfered shipping crateswill be appreciated by the whole neighbourhood!It’s quite all right for your washerto discharge down the outer house wall. It’s also fine to use it as a shower.And finally…Just because a baguette is warm, itdoesn’t follow that it’s fresh. OR ant-free. Please be careful when choosingyour boulangerie! Rena, we survived that holiday. Infact, the last six weeks of it were bliss.Or perhaps our standards had just lowered.Thank you for this prompt, my friend. And for the gift of...you!I miss you.Diane
This tribute to Rena is part of a “Secret Subject Swap”. Something Rena loved to participate in. My secret Subject was: What is one vacation that you took that was a total disaster? Whatwent wrong?Thiswas Rena’s May prompt.
Please read on to see the rest of the participants!BakingIn ATornadoClimaxedWhatTFSarahPart-timeWorking HockeyMom

Seeing the Specialist

 I needed an appointment,My head just wasn’t fine,And so I called the doctor,They scheduled me for nine. I went down to their building,So far it all went well,I walked into the office,And rang the little bell. The girl behind the counter,She asked me who I was,So I spelled out my name for her,There was a little pause… I told her I had problems,Discomfort, bad, was mine,She nodded, said, “Which doctor?”I said ‘normal’ doc was fine.
Today is our Monthly Poetry Challenge.Our topic? Making an AppointmentI love this!Now go and see what my friends have created!Karen at Baking in a TornadoMimi of Messymimismeanderings