R.L. Naquin's Blog, page 7

Fairy Tales at the Cafe

Today I’m being super-responsible and remembering to stop in on my own blog to make sure you’re all still alive. Everybody okay? No tragedies? Count your limbs for me. Everything intact?

Excellent.

Last week I missed my Wednesday post to tell you to go to the Confabulator Cafe. The question that week was why we write in our chosen genre. I pretty much admit to being a whore right here: Will Write for Cash. I’m not even ashamed of it, either. So there.

This week is even better, though. This week is a confabulation week, which means free stories for you to read over at the Cafe. And this month, all the short stories are retellings of fairy tales.

I write urban fantasy for publication. At the Cafe, however, I try to experiment. Test myself. I make an effort whenever possible to attempt something I’ve never done before. And that’s why this week we have a hard-boiled detective remake of a well-known fairy tale. You should be able to figure out which story it is from the title: Just Right.

So, go! Read them all! How often do free stories drop out of the sky?

Now, I’m going to go back to developmental edits on Fairies in My Fireplace. Stay out of trouble while I’m gone, and I’ll check back with you soon.

Nothing to Do with Caulbearers

I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been a bit cranky lately. Today, I’m going to be a little obnoxious, as well.

As you know, I spend some of my blogging time over at Here Be Magic. Last week, one of our number wrote a fascinating piece on people who were born with a caul. I’d heard of this, but Ruth A. Casie did a fairly in-depth job of it. You can read it here: Born Behind the Veil.

Now the problem arose when the normal tweeting of a new post occurred. Someone used the term “The Caulbearer” in their tweet, then found out there’s a group out there that’s quite adamant that they own the copyright on the word and frequently attack people for using it. The tweet was removed before a fuss could be made by the Caulbearer terrorists.

Here Be Magic is a group blog. Removing that tweet was probably the smart thing to do so we didn’t all get into a shouting match with those people. But I’m just me. And you know what? You can’t copyright a word unless it’s something truly unique and unusual. Caulbearer is two common words shoved together. No. Just no.

You can trademark a unique word, but I checked the trademark database. Caulbearer is not in the records.

So, what’s the point of this post? There isn’t one, really. I just wanted to say “Caulbearer” repeatedly. The folks who insist the word belongs to them have a page on their website explaining why they own it. If you’re interested, you can go see it here: Intellectual Property.

Mind you, I’m not a lawyer. I don’t pretend to truly know what I’m talking about. But they make little sense. Let’s take a word that we know is original–say, “Narnia.” Not only are we free to use the word, I’ve also seen it used in other works of fiction. Even if the word were copyrighted through its status of “intellectual property” it doesn’t stop people from using it, now does it? So, even if “Caulbearer” really were copyrighted, I have trouble believing I’m not allowed to use it. Pepsi is trademarked. They don’t go after people for using it. That’s counterproductive.

So, caulbearer. There. I said it again.

I’m a cranky rebel today. And I don’t care for bullies, especially the religious type.

See you real soon!

(Caulbearer.)

Changes at the Cafe

Today’s exciting episode of The Confabulator Cafe asks how we changed as writers over the past year. Because, you know, New Year’s looking back and stuff. Have I changed? Have I stagnated? Did I ever find the guts to dye a streak of purple in my hair? Spoiler: No. In fact, I’ve got a little too much gray showing at the moment and need to dye it the regular color before I can begin to think about adding quirky stripes. Be serious.

Did I stop ending sentences with a preposition when I know better than to? Have I finally broken myself of the run on sentence that goes on forever and ever as if it’s running on wind power so will never run out of juice unless it finally peters out on a still day in the middle of a sultry August in some desert in the middle of nowhere? Have I learned to be more focused when I…ooh! a butterfly.

I know you’re dying to find out. Dying. Well, chin up, pork chop. The answer is right here: No Fear.

Aaaand…that’s all I’ve got for you today.

See you real soon!

Nothing to Do with Pie

Today I’m doing a fly-by. Not a lot to say, but I do want to point out a new feature on the website.

You may have already seen this yesterday on the Facebook page. Wait, you have hit “like” on the Facebook page, right? If not, go do it! You could miss something! R.L. Naquin on Facebook.

Anyway, if you will kindly move your eyeballs to the tabs at the top of the page, you’ll see that “Other Works,” a page of links (many of them dead) to my appearances in various publications, is gone. In its place is a new tab that says “Free Reads.”

So far, I’ve only added four short stories, but that should last you a little while. Three were previously published, and the fourth was a contest win. While they could probably use another edit to bring them in line with the writer I am now rather than the writer I was when I wrote them, I’ve left them as-is, in the condition they were published.

I’ll keep adding new stories from time to time, so check back.

You might also notice the website’s been spiffied up a little. Nothing drastic, just a slightly cleaner look. The landing page sports the new book. Facebook and Twitter have a few changes to them, too. We’re all dressed up for the upcoming release of Pooka in My Pantry. Shiny.

And that’s all I’ve got for today. In summary: Go like the Facebook page, please. Free stories to read with more coming. I like pie.

See you real soon!

 

7 Sins of Facebook

So, I wrote a blog post this morning and decided against hitting “publish.” It was too long, too serious, and I honestly bummed myself out a little. Let’s try this again and get straight to the point.

People are harshing my mellow, man.

There’s far too much douche-baggery going on over on people’s Facebook pages. Reading my feed is bringing me down on a daily basis. There are days when I just can’t face it, and I avoid looking. This, of course, means I miss the happy stuff, the silly stuff, the genuine cries for help from friends who are in a tough spot.

I’m a firm believer that the positive should outweigh the negative whenever possible. There’s always a bright side, even if we can’t see it right away. Positive thoughts create good things, and a constant stream of negative thoughts draws ugliness.

Are you dwelling on ugliness? Here’s a short list to help you decide if maybe your Facebook statuses are making me (and possibly other people) want to gouge out my eyeballs with a soup spoon:

Your status each day (though sometimes amusing) is a commentary on how all the people around you are stupid/assholes/annoying/some other insult. If this happens to you every single day, maybe they aren’t the problem.
You post five or more articles a day on the same hot button topic. I know you’re fighting to save the world. I appreciate that. I even read the occasional article. But over the course of time, the amount of information reaches critical mass. I am desensitized to your subject.
Your posts and articles are always angry about something. Seriously. Lighten up. You can’t possibly be that mad about that many things. If you are, there’s an underlying problem. What are you really angry about?
You share outrageous, reactionary “news” articles meant to rile everybody up, but fail to fact check or even double check where your article came from.
You post pictures of sick/abused/malnourished/deformed/dead animals or children. (This, by the way, is where I draw the line and start hiding your posts. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you?)
Your status on your wall is an apology or demand for an apology directed at some anonymous figure who “knows who he is.”
You leave mysterious statuses about how things aren’t going well, something bad happened, somebody hurt your feelings, etc., in a clear plea for someone to ask you what’s wrong, then refuse to talk about it. You put it out there. In public. If you don’t want to talk about it, don’t start the conversation. What are we, twelve?

Okay. So, I still wrote the post. And I’m well aware that it’s negative in exactly the same way I’m bitching about. But it’s a one-off. And that’s kind of what I’m getting at here.

Everybody has a bad day, but if every day is bad, maybe the problem is how you’re looking at the world. Take a look at your Facebook and Twitter feeds.

If your posts are more negative than positive, well, I’m probably ignoring you.

 

Roses and Recaps

Seriously, look at that. It’s a float entirely made of flowers and seeds. In the shape of DINOSAURS! You know how I feel about dinosaurs.

Today is the last day of a rather spectacular year. If I can shake this fever and hacking cough long enough, I’ll be out celebrating in fancy clothes with a fancy dinner. We’ll probably forgo the wine pairings with each course, though. Alcohol and cold medicine rarely react well together. We’ll see. I’m feeling better, and dinner is still many hours in my future.

Last week I failed to check in over here. I was busy telling everyone I wasn’t sick, taking care of those who really were, and making sure Christmas came off without a hitch. I made it. Christmas was perfect, my daughter went back to Florida, and within 24 hours, I was down for the count, no longer able to deny my own condition.

But I’m done with that. By late this afternoon, I expect to be the picture of health. I took three days to be sick. That should be enough. Let’s be done now. Things to do.

I’m stubborn that way.

So. Last week, you missed a few things.

On Wednesday, of course, I was over at the Confabulator Cafe. They asked whether we liked the holidays. I was surprised by the answers some of my fellow Confabulators gave. It seemed like a weird question. Who doesn’t like Christmas? As usual, we all tackled the question differently, and I gave a little advice on not letting the holidays fly past you. You can read it here: Holiday Slippage.

On Saturday, I turned up on the Here Be Magic website. Over there, I talked about living in the present, and whether we obsess over the past or dwell in the future. You can read it here: Past. Present. Future.

In other news, I made my January 1st deadline, and even beat it by four days. Fairies in My Fireplace, book three of the Monster Haven Stories, is now with my editor. That gives me a month to get some other things done before it comes back to me with edits. January is going to be awesome.

Tomorrow morning is the Rose Parade. I know it’s silly, but it’s one of my very favorite things in the world. New Year’s Eve isn’t really a big deal, but New Year’s Day is one of my best days. I’m very excited.

Whatever you’re doing tonight, please be safe. Reflect, resolve, drink, dance, stuff yourself–however you celebrate, make it the best ever.

Happy New Year!

Crazy Pants Stats and Dinosaurs at the Cafe

How cool is that? Top 100, baby! (Yeah, it’s small. Click on it to take a look.)

A few crazy surprises happened over the last couple of days. First of all, while looking for something else, I spotted Pooka in My Pantry already up on Amazon for pre-sale.

What!?

I quickly went to work to get the cover in there and have them add the book to my Amazon author page. People have already started pre-ordering it. Crazy, huh? And over on Goodreads, several people have added it to their “to-read” pile.

Crazy pants!

It doesn’t release until March 25th. I’m so excited and humbled that people enjoyed Monster in My Closet enough to look forward to the next in the series already. People are awesome.

And crazy thing that happened, the second–last night I found Monster in My Closet sitting at #93 on the Amazon Bestseller list of Kindle urban fantasy. Holy crap! Now, full disclosure, that list updates every hour, and the book has slipped off the list for the moment. But wow. For a few hours, I was a bestseller.

And that doesn’t suck.

So, today is Wednesday. You know what that means. Confabulator Cafe post! Not just any post, it’s confabulation week, so you get a short story. And not just any short story. This month is a Straeon Manor month.

The house is alive with weirdness, and all the confabulators have chosen a new room and a new year in which their stories take place. This time around, my story is in the library in 1968.

There may be a dinosaur involved.

Many of our stories this time take place around Christmas, mine included. If you missed the previous round of Straeon Manor stories, you can read them here if you like. Or you can go straight to the Confabulator Cafe page and scroll down to Monday’s entry from Jack Campbell to get started on this round from the beginning.

Or you can start with mine: Out of Time.

Or you can ignore all of this and go pre-order Pooka in My Pantry. (No pressure.)

Or you can come over to my house and help me clean/wrap presents/bake. That’s fun, too! I’ll even let you clean the toilet, because I’m cool like that.

See you real soon!

Gifts at the Cafe and an Update

Well, here we are again on a bright and shiny (and holy cow, cold) Wednesday. That means I’m over at the Confabulator Cafe!

This week, the Cafe is abuzz with Christmas lists. What can you gift a writer that won’t derail them from their writing? I love video games and Lego Monster Hunter sets and movies, but those are all things likely to distract me from actually getting words written.

So, all the Confabulators have come up with gift-giving ideas for the writers in your life. You can find mine here: Presents for Your Writer. (See how clever I was with the title? Yeah. I need more coffee. Clever doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me today.)

On the news front, I don’t have a lot to report. I can tell you that the zero draft of Fairies in My Fireplace, which came in a little over 75k words, is now a finished first draft a hair under 79k. So, the finished first draft is only about 1200 words less than my original estimate. This pleases me. I’m on target. Once it goes through more levels of editing, I’m sure it’ll plump quite a bit more.

My first readers have it to tear apart right now, which frees me up for a week to straighten out some short stories that need attention, write blog posts I’m behind on, finish getting Christmas ready to happen, and sort out other odds and ends that suffered through the writing and first edit stages of this novel.

All is well! I hope everyone is taking the holidays at a relaxed enough pace to enjoy them. I feel like I’m skating through it all. I’m sure I’ll figure out that I forgot something and freak out. For now, all is merry and bright.

See you real soon!

A Very Happy Monday

Things are happening in my corner of the world. Good things. I hope your corner is equally full of awesome. I’m filled with ideas, happy-making news, and a pile of work that stretches out indefinitely. I wish you all those things and more. Because, hey, nobody wants to be happy alone, right? You get a happy! You get a happy! Everybody gets a happy!

I can’t really tell you all of the great stuff, but I can share a little for now. For the rest, well, stay tuned. New things are right around the corner.

First up, my publisher chose Monster in My Closet as one of their Best of 2012 Staff Picks. Considering they put out two to four books per week and they only chose sixteen for this list, I am truly honored to have been chosen. You can take a look at the list here: Carina Press Best of 2012 Staff Picks. And yes, that’s my awesome editor who wrote the blurb about picking it.

As if that weren’t enough to make me feel loved, Monster in My Closet also made a Best of 2012 list over on All Things Urban Fantasy. How amazing is that? I found it here yesterday: Paranormal Picks: Best of 2012.

I have so much to be thankful for right now. I wrote a book. I hoped a few people might like it. And here it is making some best-of-the-year lists, getting great reviews, and, despite being out for four-and-a-half months, still making some sales. I’m so humbled by this.

And I still have five more books in the series. If you went back to the very first post on this blog two-and-a-half years ago and told the desperate, hopeful person who wrote it that this would happen, she’d probably burst into tears and then laugh at you. This journey has been amazing so far.

So, what’s up next? Today I finish up the first round of self-edits on book three, Fairies in My Fireplace, and send it off to my first readers. I think it’s already in fairly good shape, so I’m not too stressed about getting it to my editor before the end of the month. Then I have to do some tinkering with the Zoey short story I promised you. I’m waiting for the final word from my publisher on whether they’re going to put it out there or I am. I’ll keep you posted as to when, where, and whether it’s free or $.99. It all depends on who takes care of putting it out there for you to grab.

Past all that, I have sekrits to share with you later. Lots of work to do, and surprises in store.

2012 has been the best year ever. 2013 is going to be even better.

See you real soon!

Sometimes Real Life Makes the Best Fiction: John McAfee

John McAfee in happier times, before full-blown eccentricity hit him.

I have a confession to make. As busy as I’ve been, I’ve still made time for a weird obsession with John McAfee.

If you haven’t been following this news story for the last month, I’ll try to get you caught up with the bare bones of it all.

Story

He’s the eccentric millionaire who created the anti-virus software of the same name. He was living an extravagant, kind of odd life in the tiny country of Belize. Had run-ins with the local authorities who, by most accounts, are corrupt. Argued with his equally rich neighbor over John’s dogs. Neighbor got shot in the back of the head. John, though claiming his  innocence, went on the run, positive that he was being framed and that they would most certainly kill him if they caught him. (Despite their insistence that he’s not being charged and they just want to question him.)

Over the course of the last three or four weeks since he went on the run, the stories have become more and more bizarre. At this moment, he’s in Guatemala, having escaped Belize successfully. Or not. The folks in Guatemala arrested him and are planning to send him back to Belize–not because they think he murdered anyone or because he’s wanted for questioning. No, immigration picked him up for sneaking into the country. Cue the “heart attack” yesterday that turned out to be nothing. They put him back in his cell and he’s fighting extradition.

Interesting, but only in passing. What really makes this basic story spark is character and pacing.

Character

John’s crazy. As a writer who often creates eccentric characters, I say this in the most complimentary way. He’s done bizarre things. For instance, an elaborate hoax on a popular drug forum where he tried to convince the members there that he’d discovered a mythical aphrodisiac previously only heard of in urban legend. As a result of that prank over a year ago, the press came out in the beginning declaring him to be drug addled and dangerous because he was on bath salts.

Another prank he pulled in an interview with some super-serious woman led the press to report he used to run a retreat that taught “observational yoga” and that he claimed people benefited just as much from watching yoga as doing it.

He’s run around his beach with a gun and bodyguards, has a girlfriend 47 years younger than he is, dyed his hair black while on the lamb so he could walk around watching people raid his property, and has a tendency toward untruths when cornered. Or, as was the case with the drug forum and observational yoga joke, when bored.

Pacing

His blog The Hinterland gives the pacing a great up and down feel to it. He’s creating his own story, and when the action is too high (the police poisoned my dogs and arrested my caretaker!), he takes it back down with a heartwarming personal story about the people of Belize. Pacing, dude. That’s good storytelling.

He knows exactly when to raise the tension and bring it back down. He’s been on the run for weeks, reported raids, arrests, police closing in on him, friends in danger. Whenever it got too unbelievable or too tense, he’d take it back down. They made it to a friend’s house. Here’s a picture of them making sandwiches. Twists and turns, lies and truths, danger and love, all mixed together in perfect proportions for a solid story with great flow.

The whole thing is fascinating, hilarious, heartbreaking, and horrifying in turns. It’s the best story I’ve read in ages.

If he runs into a chupacabra in the jungles of South America, I’m totally stealing his story.