Adam Oster's Blog, page 47

Fat Mogul vs. The Job

I’ve taken to pre-empting my already scheduled rant for the day to talk about something a bit more relevant to my current life…something that will still be relevant (I’m assuming) if I were to put it in a month out (which is currently how far ahead I am on my posts), but not quite as current.

You see…last Friday, I quit my job.

Now, I’m not going to go into all the specifics about why I quit.  Let’s just say that when I went into work on Friday, I wasn’t planning on quitting, although, as with most days, it wasn’t something that was all that far from my mind.

So, I did it.  I’m in the midst of that good old two-week stretch where I work toward making sure I’m not leaving them completely without any hopes.

And it’s really really weird.

Mostly because I had really thought I’d be a whole lot more happy about it.

I mean, I’ve been there for 7.5 years and I don’t exactly have any plans for what to do as a career (outside of continuing to hope that writing somehow takes off…), but the past three years have been so especially terrible that I spent so many days considering quitting before I even punched in for the day.

So, being given the reason to quit…well…I really thought I would jump at that opportunity.  Instead, I stared at my screen for hours…knowing that I needed to…not willing to pull that trigger.

Now, I don’t want to you think that this is all some horrible thing that happened to me.  First of all, I did it to myself.  There’s no one to blame but me.

Secondly, my family’s actually been quite blessed over the past few years, so we’re not really in any form of dire straits regarding it.

Thirdly…this gives me the much needed opportunity to actually reassess my future…and spend some time with my kids.

And I’m pretty excited about that.

 

Anyways, there’s an actual reason I’m putting this out here, making this a specific thing to talk about on here.  You see, although I am making a change toward the future, that change make actually take up more of my time than my old job did…meaning, although I have no intentions of it, there’s a great possibility that some of my writing-related stuff may fall by the wayside.

I may just not have the time for daily blog posts or whatever else.

I’ll try…but it’s a warning.

Also, I can pretty much guarantee that this will slow down future book releases…not that I haven’t been overly slow already.  I’m really going to work on getting Agora Part 2 put together as quickly as possible, but there will be some limitations on things past that…not to mention that this one itself will probably move even more slowly than I had anticipated a year ago.

But I’m not sad…and I’m pretty sure that once all this transitionary period ends, I’ll finally see that weight lift that I’ve been waiting for.

Right now, there’s a heckuva lot of planning going on.

I’ll keep you all posted on all the items that will apply to this space, of course.

Have fun out there!

Marketing Monday: Pricing your Books

You know something I don’t think people talk about enough?  How to price your books.

Sure, there was a recent battle between Amazon and Hachette regarding exactly that (as well as many other battles between Amazon and other folks about it), which led into Amazon sending out a letter to all of the authors on KDP giving suggestions on how to price, as well as adding a little tool to the KDP process to determine the best price for your book (which I think always tells you $1.99)…but all this really is is Amazon telling you how they’re really prefer you to price your books…not giving you much for information on how you SHOULD price them.

You want to know something completely ridiculous?  Out of all the things I’ve struggled with and grasped at straws regarding and really worked toward trying to get an idea of the best practice on, pricing is the one I still just feel completely lost at.

I’m going to leave paperbacks out of the equation at the moment, mostly because of the fact that indie/self-pub book sales are almost non-existent in the paperback market, but also because there are some severe limitations on how you price them because of book costs…especially if you’re working print on demand instead of going to a printer and having a large run printed.

So…ebooks…to start, generally the best idea on figuring out how to price your stuff is to see how other similar items are priced in the marketplace.  Taking a look at the front page of the Kindle ebook store right now (because we all know that Amazon is the only place where books are actually being sold right now), you’ll see books priced anywhere from $.99 to $15.91…umm…yeah…that’s a pretty wide range.  Now, you can cut out the big name books to get a better idea of where you should mark yourself, so Glenn Beck’s $15.91 title (and Harper Lee’s $15.50 one) get cut off, as well as many others in the teens…but that still leaves you with a range of $.99 to $14.99 (I cut out names that I instantly recognized who had less than 100 reviews on the book…knowing that this one is still traditionally published).

Okay…so…you’re still not getting anywhere.

I mean…seriously, that’s some huge gaps in pricing options.  Now, we all know that those traditionally published books have some outrageous prices attached to them, and ultimately, many of them just don’t sell due to that..others do because they, you know, have real marketing budgets behind them.

But you, you’re just a small fry…and you really don’t know how to build your audience.

In fact…you’ve been thinking about just setting up your book as a free download in order to build an audience.  Although Amazon’s not a huge fan of free books, this is totally possible, just with a little bit of a workaround.

But don’t do it!  At least not without having other books in the same series to give readers reason to come back. Free books are dangerous.  There are thousands and thousands of people who scour the internet for free books, only to have thousands and thousands of books sitting on their kindles for forever, never to be read…or to only have a couple pages read before deciding it’s not that paranormal romance they wanted.

No…you need to think about your book as a product, as a VALUABLE product…as something that people actually want to read, want to read so much that they’re willing to put money down for it.

Because if someone pays for a book, they’re a heckuva lot more likely to actually read it…or at least be aware of it.  And ultimately, that’s what this is all about, getting people to read your books.

So, a price…this is a difficult question.  If you ask Amazon, they’ll tell you $1.99, because “according to their research, this is the price point that causes the largest amount of sales and will give you the best bang for your buck” (not an actual quote, but the basic sentiment of messages I’ve received from them over the years).  This is probably true…In fact, a lower price point will make it easier for people to take the risk on an unknown.  Of course, in the lower price point ranges are also a lot of competition.  You put your book at $.99 and you’re probably going to be lost amidst the sea of 99 centers…unless your cover somehow just immediately begs everyone to grab a copy just from the thumbnail view.

My thoughts…keep it above the $1.99.  I’ve put my book at dozens of different price points over the couple years they’ve been out there.  I found almost no movement below 2 dollars. In fact, for a while, I found the most attention at the $5 point.  Right now…$3 seems to be the magic number.

And that’s the issue, right there.  That magic price point? It seems to change quite regularly.  Now, Amazon hates it, and I wouldn’t suggest it, but you could probably change the price of your book on a weekly basis and get different results for the same price points with a difference of days.  It all depends on what people are actually looking for.  And if we know anything about the publishing industry, it’s that we have absolutely no clue what people are looking for.

By now you’re probably wondering where the actual advice here is.  Here it is:  Keep your book priced somewhere between $2.00 and $5.00, at least to start.  That should be enough to tell people that you have the confidence that they’ll enjoy your book, while also not being too much to actually possibly cause people to think you’re breaking the bank.

Of course…with the introduction of Kindle Unlimited…none of that might matter anyways.  I think about a third of my ‘sales’ right now are through KU, where price really doesn’t even come into play.

So, the real thing here, the real advice, is that you probably shouldn’t get too hung up on pricing.  Sure, if you have seen a sudden drop off of sales, it might not be a terrible idea to change the price of your books (although pursuing new marketing avenues might be a better venture), but ultimately, there is no real expectations from readers on book prices today, as opposed to most other forms of entertainment.  That can be good and bad.  If you price right, you can find yourself in a less competitive place on the field…if you price wrong, you may never be found.  But that’s where making sure people know you exist comes into play…something that is a daily effort, from what I’ve seen.

Have fun out there!

from digitalbookworld.com A great way to see that book prices just don’t seem to stay in one place.

Flash Fiction Friday: Is This Real Life?

Got some sick kids hanging around the house today (and the past couple days), and I can’t help but think about the absolute delirium at least one of them has been showcasing.  Decided I’d make an attempt at turning that into prose.

 

Ow, my head.  I don’t think it’s ever pounded anywhere near this hard ever.  Ugh.  Stupid mornings come by too fast.  Wait…is it morning?  How long have I been sleeping.  Guess I should probably try opening an eye to see.

Unnngh.  Burning eyes of Agamemnon!  What the heck is going on with my head today?

Pretty sure I saw light.  It’s probably day.

I could use some water.

Wait.  Did I just get some water?  Seems like I might have—

Is someone talking to me?

Shhh, I think to myself.  Stop thinking so loud and see if we can figure out what the heck is going on out there.

“You gonna get up or what?”

Hey, that sounds like Dad!

“Dad!” I yell, but notice that no noise comes out of my mouth except a mild groan.

“Hey, buddy.  You aren’t looking so good.”

“Mmmgrbaflish.”

I think I hear my Dad laughing.  I open my eyes and give him an evil glare.

“Whoa there, pal,” my Dad says, his laughter stopping quickly.  “You really don’t look so good.  Guess that explains why you were up every hour last night asking for water.”

“Grple.”

“What?”

Why can’t I get the words I want to get out.  I use all my energy and try once more.  “I…don’t…feel…so good,” I say.  My voice sounds weak.

“Oh, I’m sorry, pal.  Maybe I can grash car arple google.”

“What?”

“I said maybe I can get you some more water.”

“Yeah.  Water.”

“Be rarg beepo.”

“What?”

I watch my dad disappear.  He comes back moments later with a cup in his hands.

“Sish un.”

“What?”

“Sit up, buddy!  Are you having trouble hearing me?”

“I want some water.”

“I know, pal.  Got some right here.  You’ve gotta sit up though.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

I sit up, but feel my head continue moving back toward the bed.

“Whoa, hold on there mister.  You’re grap keel poo.”

I feel his hand against my head and through the pain, I laugh.  “You said poo, Daddy.”

“What?”

“Poo poo.”

“Drink the water, pal.  I think you’re staying home with me today.”

“Okay Daddy.”

“Alright, want me to carry you downstairs?”

“I need water!”

“You just had some water, pal.”

“What?”

“You just drank the water, kiddo.”

“I need water!”

“Okay, hold on, let me refill the cup.”

I realize my eyes are closed, I reopen them.  I’m sitting on the big chair downstairs.  How did I get down here from my room.

I hear my mom and dad talking in the other room, but I can’t make out what they’re saying.

My eyes hurt so bad.

“Hey buddy, wake up.”

“What?” I say, opening my eyes slowly.  It’s dark in here.

“Wanna go back up to your bed?”

“I just got up.”

“Um,” my dad laughs.  “No, pal.  You’ve been down here all day.  Don’t you remember?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s bedtime pal.”

“Okay, daddy.”

Fat Mogul vs. How Much Other Authors are Selling

Just one of many different arguments on the subject! (click for the original)

Ever since I started even considering self-publishing, I’ve heard the countless reports from other authors (often directly) about how amazingly their books sold, one specific case expressing to me how he was about to be able to quit his well-paying job and didn’t do any sort of marketing (he neglected to note that his pen name was the same as another science fiction author (who happened to be much more popular), but even then, I’m pretty sure he was doing some major exaggerating).  Even today, talking to my friends, I often get this feeling of hesitation to tell the truth…people stating that they’re doing at least a modicum better than they really are, at least when they are noting it to the public.

I’m here to tell you, right off the bat…that everything you’ve heard is a lie.

You want to know how I know that?  Because none of it adds up.

I’ve had self-pubbed authors try to tell me that traditionally published authors sell, on average, 8 books before their books are never printed ever again.  I’ve had self-pubbed authors try to tell me that, well, as above, they make a healthy additional living off their sales.  I’ve had both traditional authors and self-pubbed authors tell me that their sales are way better than the other, and I’ve also had it go the other way.

At one point, I spent a great deal of time researching the standard sales routines of any new books on the market in order to gather some concept of how I might fit on the line of average, only to find that there was absolutely no data that actually lined up.

Which can really only mean one thing…somebody’s lying.

Or maybe…more likely…everyone’s lying.

Now, I get it.  I have a hard time wanting to announce on this space here that I got really excited this past month because I finally started making regular sales for the first time since August.  I mean, regular sales mean nothing more than I have now sold almost 20 books in the last 30 days.  That’s really awesome for me!  But…well…I mean…that’s pretty depressing for someone who has had his books on the market for almost 2 years now.

I also am really excited because the last few months my site has received an average of 800 page views per month!  Which…again…is really nothing, but a great increase from where I was.

But, of course, for myself, I didn’t really do much toward trying to increase my “BRAND AWARENESS” until approximately, well, August…which is precisely when I can mark how things began to increase (except for sales, which have finally come back).

I wanted to give you some real insight into what you might be seeing, should you make the leap into being published, whether traditionally or self or somewhere inbetween…but doing my research this morning, I again found that reports are drastically conflicting.

Which tells me one very specific thing…something that I think, deep down, everyone really knows.  There is no actual trend for authors.  Author success depends on a number of factors, all of which we have not come up with a conclusive method of measuring.  Dedication, skill, readability, and marketing (which encompasses a whole host of things)…but more than any of that, it really comes down to luck.

So, I’m keeping today’s post brief…mostly because there’s really very little to say, outside of that anyone who claims to real knowledge about what’s going on in publishing today is lying through their teeth.  All experiences seem to be incredibly personal and most of the time we don’t even know the truth because many authors don’t want to really tell you that when they said they sold 100 books this past month, they really only sold 2.

But…there is something to take note of here, something quite important to hold on to on those cold dreary nights when you’re snuggling your plush unicorn and hoping for the bright rainbow of tomorrow to give you the success you’ve been dreaming of…You’re most definitely not alone.  Your current successes (or lack of them) have much less to do with your abilities as a writer or even a marketer and much more to do with the fact that the marketplace being flooded and the readers having no real good method of digging through to find the diamonds.

So…any sale you make should be considered a success…even if it is just to your mother…because…well…there’s some Harry Potter fan-fiction she’s been meaning to read…

Have fun out there!

Fat Mogul vs. Literary Experimentation

borrowed from makeyousmarter.wordpress.com (click to find the original)

You know you thought about it in college, that idea of experimenting a little…you know…moving outside of writing your lame poetry and going into some sort of weird death metal flash fiction swing where you would only write stories composed purely of song lyrics written by Satan worshippers…

Okay, maybe that wasn’t everyone…

But here’s the thing: today, there is one major flaw in most authors’ attempts at writing.  They think there are rules to be followed when crafting fiction.

Guess what.  Rule number 1 of crafting fiction: There are no rules regarding how to craft fiction!

Sure, there might be some guidelines, those stupid little things that agents like to pump out over and over again on twitter.  Things like show, don’t tell, or don’t overuse dialogue, or be careful of how much description you use….honestly, the list could go on for forever, and the longer the list goes on, the more  you’ll find tons of it conflicts with each other.

Authors also like to give out these rules, as though they are the hard and fast truths to literary success.  Hemingway, for instance, claimed adverbs to be completely worthless in writing and shouldn’t be included pretty much ever.

But here’s the thing…none of that matters.  Sure, you should probably be aware of some of the general pitfalls of fiction writing, but in the end, there are a whole lot of different ways to tell a story that works.

Last week I talked about flash fiction and how fantastic is really is for experimenting in storytelling methods.  Today, I want to focus on how important experimentation really is.

Because it’s REALLY important.

Main reason why: without experimentation, you’re more than likely going to just write books that are exactly the same as every other book out there.  But if you experiment and try to grow your craft, you could create something completely new and unique and intriguing and…well, you get the point.  Take Danielewski’s House of Leaves.  If you strip away the experimentation, it’s really a fairly straightforward mystery thriller.  But it’s those pieces of experimentation that make the book a masterpiece, something that has many sites trying to unravel the enigma that he created.  The story itself is rather ridiculous…but the way the story is told is where the magic really happens.

But experimentation doesn’t need to be that big of a deal…for instance, I like to experiment a bit with my own writing, but the methods I do so might not even be things you would think are all that experimental.  For instance, when in the initial planning stages for Agora Files, I immediately became aware of how boring a story about a kid running could be.  I mean…have you ever run?  It’s hella boring.  But then I took some of those pieces about running, those things that runners use to spice up their run (specifically music (and evil government officials?)) to try to craft the emotion within the readers minds.

And you know what?  The music is the one thing people talk most about after coming out of reading the book.  There’s some fairly incredible stuff going on in the pages of that book, but the music seems to stick with many of the readers, even though they don’t actually hear a single note while reading (unless they decide to stop reading with every new song selection and load it up on their MP3 player or whatever).

That’s what experimentation is…using different methods to achieve the same end goals.  Sure, I could have simply stated that Cyrus was feeling exceptionally depressed and lonely now…but saying the song Teenage Wasteland came up on his music player does so much more (at least for those familiar with the song).

But experimentation, as an author, doesn’t even need to be that involved.  It could simply be to step outside the boundaries of your usual genres.  You might find that you have a lot to add to a completely new genre just because of the fact that you aren’t accustomed to writing that style of book.  Take, for instance, my work in progress The Right to Liberty.  There isn’t a lick of action or science fiction within this book, it’s really more of a political commentary than anything else…but I think my experience in writing action scenes lends well to this style of story (which, I haven’t even figured out what genre it fits in yet), simply because it keeps long scenes about how people survive through the winter short.

Anyways, I could go on for forever on this topic, but the bottom line is…try something new.  I have many author friends out there, but the ones who keep me wanting to read more are the ones who aren’t afraid to step out of the confines of their previous books.  They’re the ones I feel have the best chance of success because each book is like a little present to the reader…a surprise that you just won’t understand until you get it opened.

Not to say that it’s not nice to find a book that you know exactly what to expect as it moves forward, but, well, I’d much rather be surprised

Alright, have fun out there!

Fat Mogul vs. ‘Literally’

from easyvegan.info…and since I’m much more Ron Swanson about such things, I definitely didn’t read the post.

Guess what, wifey ‘o mine!  It’s time for some ranting.

Jeez does she love some rants.  She just told me yesterday, when I was letting her in on how my web traffic was growing, that it wasn’t due to her, because she just doesn’t read my blog as much anymore.

Well, then my stats’ll be booming today, because I’ve got quite the rant for you.

You know those people.  The ones where you use the word literally and they *literally* jump down your throat to let you know that you meant to use the word figuratively.  I die a little inside every time I see that response.  And then my brain explodes in a tirade of “No! I F’ing meant literally because who the h#ll says figuratively when metaphors are generally understood by everyone in the civilized world you idiot?  Haven’t you ever heard of hyperbole?!?”

I do feel a little easier whenever I get to watch old episodes of Parks and Recreation and I see Rob Lowe’s character begin to overuse the term time and time again.

First, if you’re one of those people who like to get down on others because of their use of the word literally…just stop reading.  In fact, you don’t understand hyperbole or exaggeration, so you might not want to read my books…in fact…maybe you were one of those folks who rated me lowly…that would explain a lot

Second, if you’re one of the people who has been attacked by this sort of pitiful grammar police state activity rest assured in one thing.  You’re not as wrong as they want you to think.  Also…they’re a$$holes.

The English language of today has reached a level of hyperbole that I think most people don’t even fully recognize what hyperbole is anymore.  I often use the word awesome when someone tells me something that is of relatively good news.  What they are telling me did not fill me with awe…in fact, it may have made me barely crack a smile…it’s just a word I use to express happiness for someone else.  Starving…I use this term way too often when I realize lunch time has just passed me by.  I’ve recently begun correcting myself whenever I do, as it seems to be rather a poor choice of words considering how much it minimalizes the idea of starving for those who are literally (yep…I used literally absolutely correctly here, folks) starving.  But the truth is…we use exaggeration to make our point.

In fact, I’ve heard many people use the phrase, “I’m literally starving” to mean that they are very very hungry.  Now, while it may be more precise to state, “I’m figuratively starving”, it doesn’t actually get to the point that the speaker is trying to express.  Amusingly enough…the procession of language here appears quite obvious.  One day, to express great hungry, possible due to missing a meal, a person probably said something along the lines of, “I’m starving”.  A phrase that was filled with great exaggeration, seeing as he had had a large breakfast that morning, but had managed to skip lunch.  As time progressed, starving became somewhat synonymous with hunger (at least within the vernacular) and such a statement just didn’t seem to get things across quite as well as it should.

That’s when the phrase HAD TO BE CHANGED.  There was no option.  Suddenly telling people that you were starving just wasn’t enough.  Everyone was starving.  I mean, they all had breakfast and lunch and it was only mid afternoon, but you could hear the stomachs rumbling, they were starving.  No, this new person realized something different about his hunger.  He wasn’t just starving in the funny exaggerative sense, he was “literally starving”, still in the exaggerative sense, but much more emphasis on how much he was just really really hungry.

In other words…our current use of the word literally is really just based on our cultures absolute need to one up each other in everything.

We exaggerate…it’s just how we work.  Look at Paul Bunyan and try to pretend that we haven’t done this since the start of our nation.

Literally is just another example of how we do precisely this.  Now, I can totally understand being tired of how overused this term can be…it most definitely is overused.  But replying to such a comment by saying it would be more accurate to use the word figuratively is completely missing the point.  A person who is telling you that they are “literally starving” isn’t trying to express a metaphor.  They are trying to express hyperbole.  These are very different things.

And now you just look like an a$$hole for trying to correct them.

Of course…trends being what they are…every other person on the planet will copy you because that’s what people do…so, before long, maybe we really will have people saying that they are “figuratively starving”…which…amusingly enough…seems to be much less hungry than just saying “I’m starving”.

Hyperbole vs. Metaphor…learn the difference, yo!

The more you know…or something like that.

Anyways, the rant is over.  Hope you all learned something about how much I hate seeing people corrected on something so completely stupid.

Have fun out there!

Marketing Monday: The Blog

from williamhorberg.typepad.com (looks like it was a contest winner, which you can see by clicking the picture)

I honestly have no clue whether or not I’ve actually talked about this on here before or not.  It could be the late night helping a gassy infant deal with…well…you know…gas or whatever.

But needless to say, if you’re a writer, you’ve more than likely at least toyed with the idea of a blog.

In fact, even more likely than that…you’ve probably started a blog…and then forgot about it and then started a new blog…then forgot about it again and then tried to restart the same blog…only to get waylaid.

I would even hazard a guess that every modern author has, at one point in their career, typed the words, “So, I know I’ve been absent from the blog lately”…which is code for: I know I made that one blog post 2 years ago, but I’m making another go at it.

For whatever reason, be it that the common recommendation for writers is to have a blog, or that everyone else is doing it, or whatever the heck reason you might have, there seems to be this inner calling to start a blog, if you have any inklings to be an author.  Sometimes that inner calling is filled with regret, as in, “but I don’t wanna start a blog!”, but still, it pulls at you.

Umm…in case you haven’t figured it out yet…all of the above applies to me.

I have, at best count, started 5 different blogs over the years, and this particular blog has had at least 3 different lives (meaning, 3 entirely different ideas behind how it was operated), and that’s not counting the recent redesign to make things more official.  I knew I wanted to blog, but I really had nothing to blog about.  It wasn’t until I started actually coming up with a basic thematic message that things really started to gel…and then the whole regular blogging thing really helped as well.

But there’s probably a more important question to answer first: Should you blog?

For my answer to this, I’m going to step back a bit to a conversation I had somewhere around a decade ago with a friend who had long been tinkering with writing, but was concerned about the idea of nabbing an audience, should he ever decide to go pro.  At this point, I was much more interested in the idea of filmmaking than novelwriting (something I dropped once I realized that I don’t have the filmmaker’s eye for shots), so I was able to brainstorm for him a bit without any form of personal bias regarding what I’d actually like to do.

You want to take a guess at what I suggested he do?

That’s right, I suggested he blog.  Although, I don’t believe I ever used the term blog in our conversation.  You see, it wasn’t as much about him blogging as it was about him sharing the shorter form writings he had already produced.  This guy has tomes upon tomes of short stories and novellas that just sit on a harddrive in his basement, things he really didn’t think ever needed to see print…but they would be the perfect type of thing to fill up a blog, or to go onto sites like Wattpad or Amazon Scout or…well that list could go on for a while.

You see, blogging is really a small portion of what is really important for an author today.  In fact, I’d consider it rather inconsequential.  However, it does serve several very important things at the same time.

First: Writing on a regular basis.  Writers need to practice just as much as any other skilled professional out there (artist, athlete, whatever).  Sometimes they get so stuck on works in progress that this regular act of writing is lost.  A blog helps that.  There’s no need (for most blogs anyways) to write about things you’re just not feeling on a particular day.  In fact, a blog is the perfect location to write about whatever the heck you want…just to get the writing bones warmed up.

Second: Increased exposure.  Now, this one is really a hard one to quantify.  For the majority of my time blogging on here, I’ve seen next to no traffic.  In fact, it wasn’t until August of last year when I started seeing regular monthly traffic that reached the three digits.  And  that’s still not really much to brag about.  But, it gives people more of a sense of who I am.  I couldn’t tell you how many people I can see (from traffic reports) come from the recommendation to check out my site at the end of each of my books, and really hang out for a while.  I can’t say that they become regular readers, but there’s more than enough content on here to keep anyone around for ages (over 4 full-length novels worth of books, last time I checked).

Third: It forces you to create an online persona.  As I’ve mentioned before, marketing today involves creating a personal presence, an idea of who you are as a person so people can decide whether or not they like you.  Now…I’m not saying to lie about who you are on the internet in order to sell more books…but I am saying that there is a certain characterization of ones self that comes with the territory of hanging out online.  I like to go with friendly and sarcastic…sometimes that doesn’t really work for me, but I’m sticking with it.

And seriously, I could really pad this list for a long time and you’re still probably going to come back to me with something along the lines of “But that’s a lot of work…”.  And to be honest with you, it really can be.  There are so many bloggers out there that it really probably won’t make much of a difference for you to join the horde.  I can’t tell you how often I come across the post “well, I thought I’d start a blog”, when I’m on the hunt for new blogs to read on a more regular basis.

Many of my author friends like to respond to my love of blogging with a rather dismissive “well, glad to know it works for you”.

Blogging’s not for everyone…but it can be an amazing way to showcase yourself as well as give you the excuse to perfect the art of writing.  And…it really doesn’t have to take that much time out of any given day.

You know…if you write like I do which involves almost absolutely no re-reading or editing of the post anyways

Alright, reached my word limit.  Have fun out there!

Flash Fiction Friday: Stop, Hammerspace

“Here, take this!” The odd little old man said urgently as he shoved a brown shaving case into my hands.  “And whatever you do, don’t let anyone see it.”

Before I could even respond with a question as simple as, “Who the hell are you?” the man disappeared into the crowd.

I looked down at the small brown bag that he had shoved into my hands and took a zipped open the top.  Looking in, I saw only darkness.  In fact, the weight of the bag seemed to be nothing more than that of a bag as well.  It was too small to have any hidden compartments and definitely didn’t look as though the walls of it were lined with dollar bills or anything else that would be of any interest to anyone.

I mean, I suppose it’s possible that the man was just trying to find a way to get rid of something he no longer wanted and thought it would be funny to hand me a MacGuffin, something that I would think is important, but in the end serves no real purpose but appear to be important.

I take one long glance out through the crowd to see if I can find the man standing just within view, watching to see how I react to his prank.  I don’t see him, but decide that it’s actually a pretty nice bag, and I had been looking for just such a bag to carry my toiletries for my upcoming trip to Florida.  So, instead of giving the man the privilege of watching me be disappointed in the bag, assuming he is watching me from somewhere nearby, I decide to be happy with my newfound material possession and head back home.

As I walk, I suddenly realize that maybe there really is something terribly wrong with this bag.  I quickly inspect the interior, assuming that perhaps there’s some large hole that would keep it from being useful.  I see nothing.  In fact, the bag seems to be in nearly perfect condition.  All the same, maybe there’s something wrong with the zipper?  Maybe it doesn’t open properly or something?

I open and close the zipper several times quickly and find no reason to believe it works in any way other than one would hope.

I open the bag once again and peer inside.

It’s actually really weird.  I keep readjusting the bag toward the light, but I can never quite seem to get a clear look at the interior lining.  It’s like somehow the bag holds shadow itself.

I reach my hand in, and that’s when things get really weird.

Outside of my wrist, and then my arm, scraping against the zipper, I can’t seem to feel anything inside the bag.  When the zipper of the bag is up to my elbow, on a bag that shouldn’t allow much more than my hand to fit inside, I pull my hand out quickly and drop the bag to the ground.

Never letting my eyes leave the open gaping hole that just had the entirety of my arm within, I shake as I stare at the impossible bag in front of me.

Then my mind clears.

Obviously I’m mistaken.  I mean, there’s no possible way my whole arm just went down into that tiny bag.  Maybe I just haven’t had enough coffee yet this morning and I got caught up in a little daydream.

Yeah, that’s it.

I laughed as I realized how much I had allowed such a silly thought as a bag having more space on the inside than the outside would suggest to completely frighten me.  I mean, that’s got to be a luggage designer’s biggest technological achievement, right?  I mean, if it were ever even possible.

If only my story had ended there.

At that precise moment, when the inward laughter at myself had just started to become a self-deprecating smirk at my complete stupidity, the impossible happened.

A face appeared in the open hole of the brown little bag laying on the floor in front of me.  A face which looked up at me and smiled before becoming an entire head, and finally a fully formed human, which somehow stepped out of the bag which had an opening barely big enough to fit one of his large legs.

He looked at me in amusement before turning to pick up the bag.

“Thanks!” he said as he turned to walk off.

“Wait!” I shouted, after regaining my ability to speak.

The man looked over his shoulder at me, the smile still wide across his face.  “Sorry, can’t explain now.  All I can say is, Hammerspace.”

He sprinted out of the alley and into the street without another word, and I was left alone, no bag, no nothing except for the single word.  Hammerspace.

I thrust my hands into my pockets as I watched the man disappear into the crowd to find something new within.  A small card.

On it were these words:

“Thanks for the help, kid!  Sorry for frightening you.  Comes with the territory.  Since you’re already in the know, we could probably use your help.  Meet us tonight at 7pm at the Bark-a-Lounge.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

I just watched a shaving kit give birth to a fully grown human male and then magically ended up with a card willing to explain it?

I threw the card toward a nearby dumpster and headed back home.

Whatever those guys are up to, I ain’t interested.

 

Fat Mogul vs. The Job Hunt

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past 3 years looking for a new job. Here’s what I’ve come up with as far as what that actually entails…and also as to how I don’t really understand what it takes to land a job…apparently.

Actually, before moving forward, I have to say that I find it amusing that this post is scheduled here.  I come up with the topics for a given week all at once, this topic being determined several weeks ago.  Right before coming to write this post (not having looked to see what it was supposed to be about) I had just begun my first attempts at looking for a new job since around this time last year.

Needless to say, this concept has been on the forefront of my mind lately.

And honestly, I don’t have much to talk about on this topic, causing me to wonder why in the world I actually decided this would be a good thing to place in the queue.

But here I am…guess I had better come up with something.

In my old(er) age, I’ve begun to realize something that I was aware of as a younger person, but not really considering in my occupational choices.  The older you get, the more difficult it really is to change gears and work on a completely different kind of job.

For instance…when I began really truly looking for a new job a couple years back, we (meaning my family) were in a solid enough position for me to start at the ground level in any companies I might have interest in, making peanuts until I might be able to show them how much more I could do for them.  I’m pretty talented like that…and even if it didn’t work out that way, I wasn’t too concerned.

But here’s the thing.  No matter how much I told them I was willing to start at the entry level, they were all concerned about what my actual needs would be.  It didn’t matter to them how much I expressed my need to move out of what I was currently doing and how much I loved what they were doing (as opposed to my initial and continuing hatred of what my current employer stands for (sorry employer…rest assured that I never call you out by name on here or anywhere else public)).

Meaning…I’m kind of stuck.  Which is weird.  I’ve never actually been stuck before.  All my life I’ve kind of fallen into jobs…usually jobs with really great management that I really loved, until I didn’t anymore.  Suddenly, I can’t get a job no matter how hard I try, no matter how well I kill the interview, no matter how much they make it seem like I am the only person they could possibly want for the job.

I’m old…at least when it comes to looking for a new job.

And that’s weird.

Even within my current company I seem to be finding roadblocks toward moving forward.  Considering my history of more than satisfied management and cost savings projects, it really doesn’t make any sense.

SO, when I tell you that I shouldn’t be writing a post with ideas on how to perform a job hunt, I’m being quite serious, because for the first time in my life, I’m in an honest to goodness slump.

Luckily for me, I have a job, and it pays well…and I have my burgeoning career as an author.

SO I can’t complain.

But I really have no idea what I was going for with this post.

SO, with all that being said, I’m shutting this one down early.  Hope you don’t mind.

Have fun out there!  I’m going back to the job hunt.

 

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Fat Mogul vs. Flash Fiction

borrowed from gandydancer.com

Alright, so I’ve spent a few weeks (or months…I don’t know, I forgot to sleep this year) writing Flash Fiction, and I thought I’d give you my thoughts on whether or not it’s useful.

Easy answer: Yes

I’d long been skeptical of the art form, definitely from the standpoint of the reader’s experience.  I mean, it seems next to impossible to write something that would be all that compelling within the range of 1000 words.  Heck…many authors fail to do so in 100,000 words, how would they possibly do that in so few.  ANd, to be honest, although I haven’t read much for flash fiction, I have to guess that the majority of the stuff out there really ain’t that compelling.

But that’s okay, because I’m here to tell you that for once, this type of writing isn’t about the reader, it’s about the writer.

You see, I’ve been doing all sorts of different types of writing for forever.  I’ve worked on stage writing, short skits, musicals, songs, novels, novellas, short stories…you get the idea.  Not until I started working on flash fiction did I realize how well the format works for experimentation, allowing you to try new narrative ideas and storytelling techniques.

And, to be honest, I’d much rather read through 1000 words of someone testing something out than I would 100,000.

So, today, I’m going to keep it short and sweet.  Try doing some flash fiction.  As is apparent from my few attempts, the stuff won’t be the best to read, definitely not at first.  But, it may just give you some great ideas on how to express ideas in much fewer words than you had been able to do previously.

And isn’t that what we’re all really looking for here?

Like I said, short and sweet today, just like Flash Fiction itself.

Have fun out there!

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