Arlene Kay's Blog, page 3

Picture Books

PICTURE BOOKS

Is the author’s picture on her book jacket worth more than 1000 words? An interesting piece in Sunday’s NYTimes (6/7), suggests that women writers may be taken more seriously if they look “Stern, severe,strict”–in other words as the title suggests “How to Pose like A Man.” The author posits that male writers receive more reviews from reputable sources than females (a verifiable fact) and that their demeanor might account for some of the disparity.

FIDDLESTICKS! I suspect that part of the problem has to do with genre and sub-genres. Female writers are far more likely to write romances, a category frequently deplored by SERIOUS reviewers even though it attracts the largest number of readers. Even among mystery writers, “Cozies” are essentially a female preserve and less likely to command the attention of publications such as the NYTImes. (Tell that to Agatha Christie with her 500 million books sold!!} Take a gander at book covers, an essential sales tool for attracting new readers. SERIOUS covers, which may indeed be “stern, severe, and strict” are commonly seen on thrillers, police procedurals, adventure novels and literary fiction. Papa Hemingway would never countenance a “sissy cover” on his tomes, and as for James Joyce or Norman Mailer–enough said.

Personally I don’t want to “pose like a man.” I want the best, most airbrushed image of me that I can possibly find. After all, I write FICTION and illusion is everything. Take my writing seriously if you will but leave my photo intact!!

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Dog Show Rules — Parallels To The Writing World

DOG SHOW RULES—PARALLELS TO THE WRITING WORLD

I’ve been away from the dog show game for some time. Thus I was struck anew by the parallels between these canine carnivals and the writers’ world. Human behavior can vary greatly but dogs generally find ways to rise above their baser instincts.

Thus, the wise person concedes that every dog is beautiful and every author’s book is memorable.

The following points are axiomatic for AKC (American Kennel Club), participants but they hold value for writers as well.

1. Do Your Paperwork

The American Kennel Club sets very specific rules for competing in dog shows. Bottom line— late or incomplete paperwork disqualifies an entry. Likewise, publishers and agents specify requirements on their websites. It astonishes me when otherwise intelligent beings grouse about being rejected for sending a 150,000 word unsolicited manuscript directly to an agent or editor. Read, digest and follow instructions if you want to compete.

2. Grooming is essential. Always put your best paw (foot) forward. Dogs and their handlers accept this but not every writer agrees. A disheveled show dog will not win despite his/her distinguished pedigree. Too often writers believe that casual attire is synonomous with sloppy. Appointments with prospective editors, agents and peers are business meetings that require one to project a professional image. No self-respecting Sheltie would ever forget that.

3. Show your teeth to authority figures but don’t bite—SMILE.

Judges routinely examine a dog’s mouth to assess his bite and teeth. Bad behavior—even the slightest nip—may disqualify a dog for life. Growling shows bad temperment, a fatal flaw in the breed standard.

Writers have been known to snipe, grouse and snap at readers, reviewers, and publishers who displease them or offer unflattering criticism. THIS NEVER WORKS. Better to adopt the show dog style and grin while thinking about the bones (or bucks) to come. After all, no writer wants a reputation for being “difficult.” Better to suck it in and move on.

4. Refrain from barnyard behavior. Show dogs know that nuzzling, sniffing, challenging or God forbid mounting are strictly forbidden. Potty issues in the ring are embarrassing and unacceptable.

Unfortunately, the alcohol-fueled hilarity at conferences leads some writers to forget that. Fisticuffs, slanging matches or unlikely pairings tend to live in infamy. Remember, other writers are born storytellers who can immortalize your bad behavior. It is their nature.

5. Keep your composure and self-confidence even when you lose.

Show dogs realize that although each match has only three winners, the other competitors are not losers. They hold their heads high and prance out of the ring with their pride intact. Writers who watch others snag awards and honors often lose their confidence. Self-doubt has no place in the show ring or the literary field. Hold you head high and forge ahead. That’s what winners do.

Some authors complain that the publishing industry has gone to the dogs. That’s not such a bad thing is it?

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THE MANSION MURDERS: Musings about a tragedy.

THE MANSION MURDERS: Musings about a tragedy.

Like many other Americans, I have been transfixed (okay, obsessed) by last week’s tragic murders of a family in an affluent section of Washington DC.

The horrific cruelty that ended four lives is something that civilized creatures can neither understand nor endure.I won’t dwell on the details–they are far too painful. I focused instead on the comments sections in the Washington Post. There over 300 readers and counting expressed sentiments ranging from analytical (reasonably sound theories about the crime)to disheartening. The usual procession of race-baiters surfaced (Obviously an act by minorities); rabid gun advocates and naysayers suggested that the father should have carried a gun at all times); and class warriors bemoaned the coverage because the victims were wealthy. Amid these distractions the loss of two loving parents, their hard-working housekeeper and an innocent 10 year old boy can be muted.

May these tortured souls rest in peace & may the miscreants who

took their lives enter the 9th circle for all eternity.

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TV Tropes

TV TROPES

I confess that I watch too much television. When one starts analyzing commercials, it is way past time for an intervention. Consider this before condemning my harmless habit–the airways have been inundated by drug companies pushing pills,medical devices and remedies with all manner of disgusting side-effects. Did you know that Depends now come in fashion colors? Or that catheters are now available lubricated and in handy pocket sized containers? The “over-active bladder” is represented by a friendly animated creature who skips alongside and resembles a bloated red M&M. A British chick dares you to “go commando” after using her brand of toilet tissue, and men old enough to know better tout their enhanced libido after using dubious off the shelf products. Advertisers also update old ailments with trendy names–thus emphysema etc is now COPD, and male performance problems are called ED. So much friendlier than the alternative.

AARP which is seeking to expand its base, airs commercials showing youthful members who track down fraud, frolic in the sea and enjoy the hell out life. No Senior Centers in their universe.

It is difficult to believe that these travesties work but advertisers are a cagy lot (remember Mad Men) who are unlikely to spend money without results. Personally I will never approach my physician armed with a list of potions and pills hawked by drug companies.

I barely listen to the litany of ads bidding for my attention.

After all, I have better things to do.

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Camera Vs. The Pen

THE CAMERA VS THE PEN

I’m always astonished when intelligent, accomplished authors wreak havoc on their TV interviews. Today’s case in point Jon Krakauer (In Thin Air; etc). While flogging his new release MISSOULA, he wasted a prime interview spot on the CBS Morning news by babbling and committing the worst sin of all: he was BORING. Wake up, Jon. No one wants a polemic at 8am. Focus on YOUR book and why it is worth my time and precious dollars.If you are naturally shy, hire a media coach. Surely a man who has sold millions of books can afford this.

Bad enough that the intellectually bereft Dana Perrino shamelessly hawked her new book on THE FIVE. That’s par for the course when any television personality conquers the written word. Here’s a sad commentary on the book-buying public however–her book debuted in the #1 slot in either Amazon or USA TODAY. To her credit, the very scripted good little girl of Fox, explained the thesis of her work far better than the more talented Mr. Krakauer. As Dana explained, she had to force herself to say “hell” rather than spelling the socially acceptable H_E_Double Hockey sticks!!

Somewhere in a universe far, far, away a collection of superior beings is chortling.

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Remembrance of Easters Past

REMEMBRANCE OF EASTERS PAST

In my youth Easter was a major event, less for its religious significance than for fashion impact. As devout Catholics, my parents insisted that their daughters enroll at parochial schools and participate in all the related rituals. Church attendance, particularly during Holy Week was mandatory—no excuses.

I really didn’t mind because despite a bowed head, genuflection and pious prayers, Easter was my puerile version of New York Fashion Week. In advance of the holiday, my mother, sister and I spent Saturdays scouring department stores for the perfect Easter outfit. To my father’s dismay, every year we required new dresses, coats, lingerie, gloves, shoes, purses and the crowning glory—an eye-popping, mouth dropping Easter bonnet! It was a unique time of female bonding, part of a world where men were denied access. My father’s job was to groan, fork over the cash to pay for our finery, and admire the results.

On Easter morning, we primped and pranced, positive that every eye in the church was glued to us. God forbid that foul weather required umbrellas or rain gear that might spoil our hair or mar our carefully constructed style.

My sister and I strutted up the aisle to the communion rail as proudly as super-models strolling the catwalk. Most of our schoolmates did the same. It was a heady experience, totally divorced from reality and—true be told—devoid of any sentiment except hubris. Despite, or perhaps because of that, Easter still holds a special place in my memories.

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THE NAME GAME

Titles can either attract or repel an audience. Case in point. NBC’s new 10 episode drama (Sunday,April 5), got a nice review from the typically censorious NY Times. It sounds like the type of thriller that would interest me. The title, however, is a turnoff. “American Odyssey”–that reminds me of a dull but worthy offering by PBS, NPR or the like. Rather like a travelogue or an examination of small town sports mania. Why not call it “Odyssey”? That alludes to the heroine’s journey (she’s an American soldier stranded behind the lines in Afghanistan), and hints of intrigue and mayhem. The success of HOMELAND; JUSTIFIED; and naturally “24” show how effectively a name can showcase content.

Authors should consider the importance of a title in naming their own works. For my mysteries, I favor short, snappy titles that hint at the snarky humor and fast pace inside.(Mantrap; Gilt Trip; Intrusion are good examples.)

Some classic novels also illustrate this point: LOLITA; WAR &PEACE; GOOD AS GOLD; and that beloved work PRIDE & PREJUDICE; to name a few. Consumers get a fairly accurate idea of what to expect and that builds brand loyalty and customer satisfaction.

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BELLBRIDGE BOSTON BLOG BLOW OUT

Featuring Sgt. Micki Li (SLICE); and those sizzling sleuths, Eja Kane and Deming Swann. (SWANN DIVE; MANTRAP; GILT TRIP & SWANN SONG)

 Boston evildoers beware: Bellbridge Books has launched three new crime busters whose steely determination and mad detective skills are kryptonite to all felons.

Micki is a no nonsense cop who follows the rules and always gets her perp. Eja, a mystery author uses her instincts and creativity to go where no sensible civilian dares to go. Fortunately Deming is an attorney who bails her out when things go awry.

Q- Micki, what do you think about civilian involvement in homicide investigations?

 A – Involvement is too nice a word. I call it interference and I won’t stand for it. Taxpayers expect professionals to solve crimes not amateurs. That’s what they pay us for.

Q - Wow! That’s a strong reaction. What about it, Eja?

 A - Sometimes an amateur can do things that police officers like Micki aren’t allowed to.

A - (Micki interrupts). That’s precisely what I’m talking about.

Q- Any reaction, Mr. Swann?

 A - (Deming Swann). I agree with Sgt. Li. Eja should stick to fiction. Plus, she drags my mother into her schemes too. It’s dangerous.

 Q – You have a partner, don’t you, Sgt. Li? How does that work?

 A – (Micki Li) I trust my partner with my life. All cops do. We work as a team.”

A - (Eja). Exactly. Just like Deming and me. And my mother-in-law too.

(Deming throws up his hands in disgust. Micki snorts.)

Q –  Micki, in SLICE, you tangle with some really bad guys, carry a gun, and manage a kids’ baseball team. That must keep you in shape.

A – (Micki) I also run and work out at the police gym. Part of the job.”

Q – Eja, what about you?

A – (Eja. Looking sheepish). I’m allergic to sweat. Mostly I starve myself. Deming is the gym rat.

A – (Deming). Eja thinks about exercise and then writes about it.

Q – This is for all of you. What’s your preferred method for solving crimes?

A – (Micki). I’m constrained by the law and police procedure but I also use my instincts. All good cops do. That’s how criminals are caught and punished.

A – (Eja) All my favorite literary sleuths are amateurs too. Miss Marple, Lord Peter and Harriet Vane, Amelia Peabody. I could go on and on. They rely on brains and cunning and so do I.”

Q – Deming—what’s your reaction?

A – (Deming sighs). You don’t want to know.

Q – Thanks to all of you. Readers can follow the exploits of our crime fighters in these novels from Bellebooks:

 

SLICE (Micki Li mystery #1) by Mary Jo Kim

SWANN DIVE (A Boston Uncommons mystery);

MANTRAP (Boston Uncommons mystery #2) GILT TRIP & SWANN SONG 

by Arlene Kay

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DINNER WITH EDGAR

Imagine my excitement at the prospect of dining with one of my literary heroes, Edgar Allan Poe. I took great care in planning the menu. Mr. Poe was known to have a very delicate constitution and was susceptible to a number of ailments. He was partial to roast chicken (and alcohol truth be told), so I prepared a plain, inoffensive meal designed to soothe the most contentious stomach.

He arrived promptly at eight o’clock, garbed entirely in black, bearing a bouquet of roses and carrying one of my novels under his left arm. Slips of paper protruded from the pages of my work, a grim reminder that my guest was one of the preeminent literary critics of his day. My hand trembled as I reached for his. Surely he would savage my poor efforts as he had so many others. This towering intellect, a genius in both poetry and prose would dismiss romantic suspense as a poor cousin to real mysteries. I greeted him in a wispy, wavering voice that was quite unfamiliar to me.

Poe was taller than expected and rail thin, a stark reminder that consumption—Tuberculosis to us—was a constant companion to those of his age. He had lost his foster mother and beloved wife to that scourge.

His greeting was gentle, his manner courtly. We sat in my living room, which he called a parlour, and sipped Sherry, wretched stuff, but all that I had to offer.

His conversation confounded me. He neither railed against his critics nor damned his detractors. Instead, the genius in my midst spoke of love and his quest to honor it. He quoted his hero Byron, and laughed at the description “mad, bad, and dangerous to know.” The lost Lenore, and the beautiful Annabel Lee each made an appearance, wrapped in a shroud of memory.

Before he left, he handed me my novel and a priceless memory. “Keep writing,” he said. “You have the gift.”

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BICEPS, BRUTALITY AND BABES

I freely confess to watching and loving the Sons Of Anarchy, Justified, Homeland,  Twenty-Four, Luther; Ray Donovan and any martial arts film featuring a certain Chinese-American actor. My literary favorites also include healthy servings from Nelson DeMille, Lee Child and Barry Eisler. What, you might ask, attracts an otherwise peace-loving mystery writer to a diet of unmitigated mayhem? It’s not the violence, although a man who can smite his enemies for a just cause is a major turn on. I hasten to add that neither the films nor the books contain any acts of animal cruelty, a non-starter for me and many other women. A few bodies fall in these adventures—Sons of Anarchy stacks them up like cordwood; Jack Bauer and Raylin Givens were never considered gun-shy—but for the most part, their hearts and biceps are in the right place.

There are two reasons that I adore these fictional tough guys: their willingness to pursue justice even when it imperils their own safety and the indisputable fact that they are major babes, big on biceps, brawn and brains. Intellect is important to me and although I have no proof about their IQs (Stanford-Binet where are you?), when it comes to survival these heroes rise to genius level.

Some of the same attributes appear in the stars of my mystery novels although the body count and violence quotient are considerably less. Movies, television, and novels sell the same thing—a respite from real world woes and a whopping dose of fantasy. Heroes are smart, sexy and audacious. Women are appreciative.

Lest you think I am hopelessly sexist, I also love The Big Bang Theory and never miss Benedict Cumberbatch’s version of Sherlock. I just don’t fantasize about them.

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