E.C. Stilson's Blog, page 59
November 24, 2014
Cover Reveal for THREADED DREAMS by EC Stilson
I've been working on "Threaded Dreams" for over 4 years--it's amazing to see it finally come to completion.
Release Date: 11/28/2014Dreams can be strange, wavering between what our conscious and subconscious thoughts are. Follow one woman's journey to self-discovery as she shares her own life-changing dreams.
Front Cover
Back Cover
LINK to Paperback on Amazon.
Excerpt:A Bonsai Tree
Twelve years ago, an old gardener decided to plant two seedling bonsai trees in the same container. . . .
At once, the two seedlings found one another, wrapping their leaves together, entwining until their very beings grew as one. It was beautiful really, how the two became as a mangrove, even their roots wrapping together in places no one else could see.
The gardener, perceiving their unified strength, gently transplanted them into some fertile soil outside. At first they braved many storms, growing closer all the while. But then as years passed, something changed. It was subtle, maybe even so slow neither bonsai felt it at first . . . still, change they did.
One bonsai grew stronger, slightly overpowering the other. The smaller bonsai tried to be strong, doing everything . . . anything. But slowly, the smaller bonsai began losing strength. And the bigger bonsai, unhappy in its own way, lost strength as well.
The leaves browned. Their bark no longer had a healthy feel. They were dry . . . dying.
And so, the old gardener, after watching their demise, decided to pull the two trees apart. But he had to cut so much that by the time he'd untangled roots and branches, there was hardly anything left of either tree.
He set them in separate containers, on opposite windowsills in his quaint little house. As the months passed, both trees grew. The smaller bonsai, stretched and strained. The larger bonsai, leaned toward the sun, reveling in the solitude. And as summer came, both trees began to blossom. And for the first time, both trees saw each other for what they were: The smaller bonsai had orange blossoms. The larger bonsai had a thick trunk and reddish leaves. As the two bonsais felt each other across the room, they were no longer saddened, angry, or fearful, instead they saw the facts for what they were: they'd been two different breeds, and if you know anything about bonsais, it's that the only kinds that should be in the same container are those of the same breed.
Also, look for FREE eBooks downloadable from my blog and Facebook
on 11/27-12/1!
Release Date: 11/28/2014Dreams can be strange, wavering between what our conscious and subconscious thoughts are. Follow one woman's journey to self-discovery as she shares her own life-changing dreams.
Front Cover
Back Cover
LINK to Paperback on Amazon.
Excerpt:A Bonsai Tree
Twelve years ago, an old gardener decided to plant two seedling bonsai trees in the same container. . . .
At once, the two seedlings found one another, wrapping their leaves together, entwining until their very beings grew as one. It was beautiful really, how the two became as a mangrove, even their roots wrapping together in places no one else could see.
The gardener, perceiving their unified strength, gently transplanted them into some fertile soil outside. At first they braved many storms, growing closer all the while. But then as years passed, something changed. It was subtle, maybe even so slow neither bonsai felt it at first . . . still, change they did.
One bonsai grew stronger, slightly overpowering the other. The smaller bonsai tried to be strong, doing everything . . . anything. But slowly, the smaller bonsai began losing strength. And the bigger bonsai, unhappy in its own way, lost strength as well.
The leaves browned. Their bark no longer had a healthy feel. They were dry . . . dying.
And so, the old gardener, after watching their demise, decided to pull the two trees apart. But he had to cut so much that by the time he'd untangled roots and branches, there was hardly anything left of either tree.
He set them in separate containers, on opposite windowsills in his quaint little house. As the months passed, both trees grew. The smaller bonsai, stretched and strained. The larger bonsai, leaned toward the sun, reveling in the solitude. And as summer came, both trees began to blossom. And for the first time, both trees saw each other for what they were: The smaller bonsai had orange blossoms. The larger bonsai had a thick trunk and reddish leaves. As the two bonsais felt each other across the room, they were no longer saddened, angry, or fearful, instead they saw the facts for what they were: they'd been two different breeds, and if you know anything about bonsais, it's that the only kinds that should be in the same container are those of the same breed.
Also, look for FREE eBooks downloadable from my blog and Facebook
on 11/27-12/1!
November 14, 2014
Life Has Its Ups and Downs--Enjoy the Ups
The other day on my way home from work, I thought about October of last year....
I had no idea how I'd pay my bills for the month, let alone afford more food when my four kids and I ran out of what we had. With the last bits of my paychecks, I'd bought some noodles and broth, cheap meat, potatoes, rice, and Top Ramen. I barely had time to sleep or the sanity to keep going, so when my kids were busy watching TV, I'd escape to my room and cry.
I didn't want my babies seeing this person-- ME. --who'd become much weaker than I'd ever hoped to be. People on the outside thought we were okay, financially and emotionally, but my kids saw the truth.
"Your eyes look kinda red," my oldest daughter said last October. "Have you been crying?"
"Nope," I sniffled, emerging from my bedroom. "Maybe I'm just tired from working so much."
She nodded, looking wise beyond her eleven years. I wiped my eyes and thought of how strong my kids are--especially my oldest daughters. I never knew what they were made of...'til last year.
That night I went to the kitchen and prayed I'd be able to make something worth eating. The compilation of scraps turned into a miserable meal really, but my four kids acted like it was better than candy. "Great seasonings, Mom! We should eat this again sometime."
I forced a smile. "Okay," I nearly whimpered. "We can have it tomorrow." And the next day...and the next day...and hopefully we'd have enough for the next day. I set my fork down and told myself to keep from crying. "I think something's in my throat," I croaked. "I'll be right back." I suddenly ran to the bathroom, shut the door and sobbed quietly.
"Come on, kids," I heard my oldest daughters saying. "Let's get our PJ's on. Mama is having a hard time...again. It's okay though. You'll see." After all of them went to bed and I made sure the sitter was available, I worked at home for a construction company, then rushed to get ready for a grave shift as a security guard.
Me Last Year (Scary security guard, right? Be afraid! :)
Working as a security guard was exactly what I needed at this point in my life: empowering, distracting, and (although it didn't pay terribly well) money toward my bills.
But *whispering* those weren't the only reasons I enjoyed the job....
A kind co-worker of mine felt compelled to start visiting with me on his break at 4am, saying he thought I might need someone to talk to. "How's your night been?" he'd ask.
"Oh, ya know," I'd reply, "just livin' the dream."
Our first conversations were quite superficial, but then as months passed, we both began really talking about our lives. And somehow every time he'd come visit with me on break I felt a little better just knowing someone--even at work--cared.
I'd go home every morning, and as I cooked breakfast for my kids, I'd catch myself singing to them, playing or laughing as they told me darling stories about school and friends. My crying spells lessened and life began to shine.
It's hilarious, remembering how I'd scramble, rushing to get all of my paperwork done, just so I could visit with this happy-go-lucky man on his break. But as time passed, I realized that my co-worker's words had anchored my life, grounding me to a healthy place so I could heal.
Like I wrote at the beginning of this post, I thought about all of this as I drove home from work the other day. It's ironic how much life can change....
I smiled, still driving but nearly home from my new job at a hospital. A red truck was already in my driveway when I pulled in. After walking up to my front door, all sorts of good smells wafted to me from the house.
"Hello?" I hollered, taking off my shoes in the entryway.
My four kids yelled from the kitchen. "In here! We're making dinner."
After I rounded the corner, my feet rooted in place as I took in the whole scene. All of my kids giggled, taste-testing a red concoction that looked delicious. My four-year-old spied me before hugging my leg like she'd never let go. "We're makin' a surprise, Mama! You love it? You super-duper love it?"
"Yes, honey.... I love it sooo much!" I hugged her back.
My three older kids waved, then continued buzzing about happily and laughing. That's when the handsome man in front of the stove turned and gazed at me with so much love....
"How's your day been?" he asked, his deep voice always so smooth and rich.
Those simple words reminded me of our first conversations at the security desk, and I couldn't help but reply with what I'd said so many months before, "Ya know, just livin' the dream."
And as I stood watching my family, tears filled my eyes, not because I was sad, or stressed, but because I'm so happy.
"Mama," my oldest daughter came up to me, "are you crying?"
"Yeah," I said, smiling so big. I hugged her and we walked into the front room. "Life is just so good right now."
"For me too," she said. And being wise beyond her years, I knew she completely understood how hard we've fought for a moment just like this.
"I'm just really thankful for ... everything."
I thought of: My kids, fighting just as hard as I have. God, for giving me a break. My family and friends...for all the support. And...I thought of the handsome man at the security desk...who's so good to me and my four children that it's truly astounding.
If you step back and think of what love is, you might think of excitement, romance ... passion.
While love can begin with all of those things, right now I'm seeing something much stronger.... This kind man who has entered my life as a friend and confidant has literally changed my world and the lives of my children. The consideration and kindness he's shown us day in and day out is one of the biggest blessing I've ever received.
I know life has its ups and downs. But for right now, I'm going to enjoy the ups... I sure hope you're doing the same.
Best,
EC Stilson
I had no idea how I'd pay my bills for the month, let alone afford more food when my four kids and I ran out of what we had. With the last bits of my paychecks, I'd bought some noodles and broth, cheap meat, potatoes, rice, and Top Ramen. I barely had time to sleep or the sanity to keep going, so when my kids were busy watching TV, I'd escape to my room and cry.
I didn't want my babies seeing this person-- ME. --who'd become much weaker than I'd ever hoped to be. People on the outside thought we were okay, financially and emotionally, but my kids saw the truth.
"Your eyes look kinda red," my oldest daughter said last October. "Have you been crying?"
"Nope," I sniffled, emerging from my bedroom. "Maybe I'm just tired from working so much."
She nodded, looking wise beyond her eleven years. I wiped my eyes and thought of how strong my kids are--especially my oldest daughters. I never knew what they were made of...'til last year.
That night I went to the kitchen and prayed I'd be able to make something worth eating. The compilation of scraps turned into a miserable meal really, but my four kids acted like it was better than candy. "Great seasonings, Mom! We should eat this again sometime."
I forced a smile. "Okay," I nearly whimpered. "We can have it tomorrow." And the next day...and the next day...and hopefully we'd have enough for the next day. I set my fork down and told myself to keep from crying. "I think something's in my throat," I croaked. "I'll be right back." I suddenly ran to the bathroom, shut the door and sobbed quietly.
"Come on, kids," I heard my oldest daughters saying. "Let's get our PJ's on. Mama is having a hard time...again. It's okay though. You'll see." After all of them went to bed and I made sure the sitter was available, I worked at home for a construction company, then rushed to get ready for a grave shift as a security guard.
Me Last Year (Scary security guard, right? Be afraid! :) Working as a security guard was exactly what I needed at this point in my life: empowering, distracting, and (although it didn't pay terribly well) money toward my bills.
But *whispering* those weren't the only reasons I enjoyed the job....
A kind co-worker of mine felt compelled to start visiting with me on his break at 4am, saying he thought I might need someone to talk to. "How's your night been?" he'd ask.
"Oh, ya know," I'd reply, "just livin' the dream."
Our first conversations were quite superficial, but then as months passed, we both began really talking about our lives. And somehow every time he'd come visit with me on break I felt a little better just knowing someone--even at work--cared.
I'd go home every morning, and as I cooked breakfast for my kids, I'd catch myself singing to them, playing or laughing as they told me darling stories about school and friends. My crying spells lessened and life began to shine.
It's hilarious, remembering how I'd scramble, rushing to get all of my paperwork done, just so I could visit with this happy-go-lucky man on his break. But as time passed, I realized that my co-worker's words had anchored my life, grounding me to a healthy place so I could heal.
Like I wrote at the beginning of this post, I thought about all of this as I drove home from work the other day. It's ironic how much life can change....
I smiled, still driving but nearly home from my new job at a hospital. A red truck was already in my driveway when I pulled in. After walking up to my front door, all sorts of good smells wafted to me from the house.
"Hello?" I hollered, taking off my shoes in the entryway.
My four kids yelled from the kitchen. "In here! We're making dinner."
After I rounded the corner, my feet rooted in place as I took in the whole scene. All of my kids giggled, taste-testing a red concoction that looked delicious. My four-year-old spied me before hugging my leg like she'd never let go. "We're makin' a surprise, Mama! You love it? You super-duper love it?"
"Yes, honey.... I love it sooo much!" I hugged her back.
My three older kids waved, then continued buzzing about happily and laughing. That's when the handsome man in front of the stove turned and gazed at me with so much love....
"How's your day been?" he asked, his deep voice always so smooth and rich.
Those simple words reminded me of our first conversations at the security desk, and I couldn't help but reply with what I'd said so many months before, "Ya know, just livin' the dream."
And as I stood watching my family, tears filled my eyes, not because I was sad, or stressed, but because I'm so happy.
"Mama," my oldest daughter came up to me, "are you crying?"
"Yeah," I said, smiling so big. I hugged her and we walked into the front room. "Life is just so good right now."
"For me too," she said. And being wise beyond her years, I knew she completely understood how hard we've fought for a moment just like this.
"I'm just really thankful for ... everything."
I thought of: My kids, fighting just as hard as I have. God, for giving me a break. My family and friends...for all the support. And...I thought of the handsome man at the security desk...who's so good to me and my four children that it's truly astounding.
If you step back and think of what love is, you might think of excitement, romance ... passion.
While love can begin with all of those things, right now I'm seeing something much stronger.... This kind man who has entered my life as a friend and confidant has literally changed my world and the lives of my children. The consideration and kindness he's shown us day in and day out is one of the biggest blessing I've ever received.
I know life has its ups and downs. But for right now, I'm going to enjoy the ups... I sure hope you're doing the same.
Best,
EC Stilson
Life Has Its Ups and Downs--I'm Gonna Enjoy the Ups
The other day on my way home from work, I thought about October of last year....
I had no idea how I'd pay my bills for the month, let alone afford more food when my four kids and I ran out of what we had. With the last bits of my paychecks, I'd bought some noodles and broth, cheap meat, potatoes, rice, and Top Ramen. I barely had time to sleep or the sanity to keep going, so when my kids were busy watching TV, I'd escape to my room and cry.
I didn't want my babies seeing this person-- ME. --who'd become much weaker than I'd ever hoped to be. People on the outside thought we were okay, financially and emotionally, but my kids saw the truth.
"Your eyes look kinda red," my oldest daughter said last October. "Have you been crying?"
"Nope," I sniffled, emerging from my bedroom. "Maybe I'm just tired from working so much."
She nodded, looking wise beyond her eleven years. I wiped my eyes and thought of how strong my kids are--especially my oldest daughters. I never knew what they were made of...'til last year.
That night I went to the kitchen and prayed I'd be able to make something worth eating. The compilation of scraps turned into a miserable meal really, but my four kids acted like it was better than candy. "Great seasonings, Mom! We should eat this again sometime."
I forced a smile. "Okay," I nearly whimpered. "We can have it tomorrow." And the next day...and the next day...and hopefully we'd have enough for the next day. I set my fork down and told myself to keep from crying. "I think something's in my throat," I croaked. "I'll be right back." I suddenly ran to the bathroom, shut the door and sobbed quietly.
"Come on, kids," I heard my oldest daughters saying. "Let's get our PJ's on. Mama is having a hard time...again. It's okay though. You'll see." After all of them went to bed and I made sure the sitter was available, I worked at home for a construction company, then rushed to get ready for a grave shift as a security guard.
Me Last Year (Scary security guard, right? Be afraid! :)
Working as a security guard was exactly what I needed at this point in my life: empowering, distracting, and (although it didn't pay terribly well) money toward my bills.
But *whispering* those weren't the only reasons I enjoyed the job....
A kind co-worker of mine felt compelled to start visiting with me on his break at 4am, saying he thought I might need someone to talk to. "How's your night been?" he'd ask.
"Oh, ya know," I'd reply, "just livin' the dream."
Our first conversations were quite superficial, but then as months passed, we both began really talking about our lives. And somehow every time he'd come visit with me on break I felt a little better just knowing someone--even at work--cared.
I'd go home every morning, and as I cooked breakfast for my kids, I'd catch myself singing to them, playing or laughing as they told me darling stories about school and friends. My crying spells lessened and life began to shine.
It's hilarious, remembering how I'd scramble, rushing to get all of my paperwork done, just so I could visit with this happy-go-lucky man on his break. But as time passed, I realized that my co-worker's words had anchored my life, grounding me to a healthy place so I could heal.
Like I wrote at the beginning of this post, I thought about all of this as I drove home from work the other day. It's ironic how much life can change....
I smiled, still driving but nearly home from my new job at a hospital. A red truck was already in my driveway when I pulled in. After walking up to my front door, all sorts of good smells wafted to me from the house.
"Hello?" I hollered, taking off my shoes in the entryway.
My four kids yelled from the kitchen. "In here! We're making dinner."
After I rounded the corner, my feet rooted in place as I took in the whole scene. All of my kids giggled, taste-testing a red concoction that looked delicious. My four-year-old spied me before hugging my leg like she'd never let go. "We're makin' a surprise, Mama! You love it? You super-duper love it?"
"Yes, honey.... I love it sooo much!" I hugged her back.
My three older kids waved, then continued buzzing about happily and laughing. That's when the handsome man in front of the stove turned and gazed at me with so much love....
"How's your day been?" he asked, his deep voice always so smooth and rich.
Those simple words reminded me of our first conversations at the security desk, and I couldn't help but reply with what I'd said so many months before, "Ya know, just livin' the dream."
And as I stood watching my family, tears filled my eyes, not because I was sad, or stressed, but because I'm so happy.
"Mama," my oldest daughter came up to me, "are you crying?"
"Yeah," I said, smiling so big. I hugged her and we walked into the front room. "Life is just so good right now."
"For me too," she said. And being wise beyond her years, I knew she completely understood how hard we've fought for a moment just like this.
"I'm just really thankful for ... everything."
I thought of: My kids, fighting just as hard as I have. God, for giving me a break. My family and friends...for all the support. And...I thought of the handsome man at the security desk...who's so good to me and my four children that it's truly astounding.
If you step back and think of what love is, you might think of excitement, romance ... passion.
While love can begin with all of those things, right now I'm seeing something much stronger.... This kind man who has entered my life as a friend and confidant has literally changed my world and the lives of my children. The consideration and kindness he's shown us day in and day out is one of the biggest blessing I've ever received.
I know life has its ups and downs. But for right now, I'm going to enjoy the ups... I sure hope you're doing the same.
Best,
EC Stilson
I had no idea how I'd pay my bills for the month, let alone afford more food when my four kids and I ran out of what we had. With the last bits of my paychecks, I'd bought some noodles and broth, cheap meat, potatoes, rice, and Top Ramen. I barely had time to sleep or the sanity to keep going, so when my kids were busy watching TV, I'd escape to my room and cry.
I didn't want my babies seeing this person-- ME. --who'd become much weaker than I'd ever hoped to be. People on the outside thought we were okay, financially and emotionally, but my kids saw the truth.
"Your eyes look kinda red," my oldest daughter said last October. "Have you been crying?"
"Nope," I sniffled, emerging from my bedroom. "Maybe I'm just tired from working so much."
She nodded, looking wise beyond her eleven years. I wiped my eyes and thought of how strong my kids are--especially my oldest daughters. I never knew what they were made of...'til last year.
That night I went to the kitchen and prayed I'd be able to make something worth eating. The compilation of scraps turned into a miserable meal really, but my four kids acted like it was better than candy. "Great seasonings, Mom! We should eat this again sometime."
I forced a smile. "Okay," I nearly whimpered. "We can have it tomorrow." And the next day...and the next day...and hopefully we'd have enough for the next day. I set my fork down and told myself to keep from crying. "I think something's in my throat," I croaked. "I'll be right back." I suddenly ran to the bathroom, shut the door and sobbed quietly.
"Come on, kids," I heard my oldest daughters saying. "Let's get our PJ's on. Mama is having a hard time...again. It's okay though. You'll see." After all of them went to bed and I made sure the sitter was available, I worked at home for a construction company, then rushed to get ready for a grave shift as a security guard.
Me Last Year (Scary security guard, right? Be afraid! :) Working as a security guard was exactly what I needed at this point in my life: empowering, distracting, and (although it didn't pay terribly well) money toward my bills.
But *whispering* those weren't the only reasons I enjoyed the job....
A kind co-worker of mine felt compelled to start visiting with me on his break at 4am, saying he thought I might need someone to talk to. "How's your night been?" he'd ask.
"Oh, ya know," I'd reply, "just livin' the dream."
Our first conversations were quite superficial, but then as months passed, we both began really talking about our lives. And somehow every time he'd come visit with me on break I felt a little better just knowing someone--even at work--cared.
I'd go home every morning, and as I cooked breakfast for my kids, I'd catch myself singing to them, playing or laughing as they told me darling stories about school and friends. My crying spells lessened and life began to shine.
It's hilarious, remembering how I'd scramble, rushing to get all of my paperwork done, just so I could visit with this happy-go-lucky man on his break. But as time passed, I realized that my co-worker's words had anchored my life, grounding me to a healthy place so I could heal.
Like I wrote at the beginning of this post, I thought about all of this as I drove home from work the other day. It's ironic how much life can change....
I smiled, still driving but nearly home from my new job at a hospital. A red truck was already in my driveway when I pulled in. After walking up to my front door, all sorts of good smells wafted to me from the house.
"Hello?" I hollered, taking off my shoes in the entryway.
My four kids yelled from the kitchen. "In here! We're making dinner."
After I rounded the corner, my feet rooted in place as I took in the whole scene. All of my kids giggled, taste-testing a red concoction that looked delicious. My four-year-old spied me before hugging my leg like she'd never let go. "We're makin' a surprise, Mama! You love it? You super-duper love it?"
"Yes, honey.... I love it sooo much!" I hugged her back.
My three older kids waved, then continued buzzing about happily and laughing. That's when the handsome man in front of the stove turned and gazed at me with so much love....
"How's your day been?" he asked, his deep voice always so smooth and rich.
Those simple words reminded me of our first conversations at the security desk, and I couldn't help but reply with what I'd said so many months before, "Ya know, just livin' the dream."
And as I stood watching my family, tears filled my eyes, not because I was sad, or stressed, but because I'm so happy.
"Mama," my oldest daughter came up to me, "are you crying?"
"Yeah," I said, smiling so big. I hugged her and we walked into the front room. "Life is just so good right now."
"For me too," she said. And being wise beyond her years, I knew she completely understood how hard we've fought for a moment just like this.
"I'm just really thankful for ... everything."
I thought of: My kids, fighting just as hard as I have. God, for giving me a break. My family and friends...for all the support. And...I thought of the handsome man at the security desk...who's so good to me and my four children that it's truly astounding.
If you step back and think of what love is, you might think of excitement, romance ... passion.
While love can begin with all of those things, right now I'm seeing something much stronger.... This kind man who has entered my life as a friend and confidant has literally changed my world and the lives of my children. The consideration and kindness he's shown us day in and day out is one of the biggest blessing I've ever received.
I know life has its ups and downs. But for right now, I'm going to enjoy the ups... I sure hope you're doing the same.
Best,
EC Stilson
September 22, 2014
Ask Elisa . . . Again
Once again, I feel the need to share some of the funny ways people have found my site, and I'd also like to answer their questions.
These are the search keywords that have brought them here.
Note: The Search Keywords are in black. My lovely comments are in red.
Are mimes worse than clowns?
Honestly, it depends on the mime and the clown. For example, which one of these people would you rather meet in a dark alley?
#1
or #2?
How about #3 (Which I find VERY creepy--is this what happened to Quasimodo after he died?)
or #4?
These two just look like nice people. (Except for how the one in the back is flashing a fake gun.) But really, even I could beat them down if they proved evil.
Here's another search:
Ugly pimple lady
What the heck! Why did that search bring them here? I'm a bit stunned . . . and sad.
Marsha Brady still sexy?
Yes, she's still quite pretty. Take a look.
Puss in boots eyes surgery
Dear, sweet, person. Yes, Puss-in-boots does have amazing eyes, but I don't think you need to have a surgery to get that same look. Just buy black contact lenses and some mascara--vwa-la!
ugly man tall nerd
Is this the man you're searching for?
Who pees standing?
Great question. In fact, I've written three blogs about this.
And in answer to your fabulous search: Once again, it depends on the person.
For example:
Book Lovers Pee Standing Click here to read that post. Intellectuals Pee Sitting (That link is here )
while
Manly Men Pee Standing (That link is here )
Got it?
Lady dragged by classy dogs?
Okay . . . what? Dogs like this?
That's more terrifying than clowns!
Hotboxing pirates
I decided to conduct a search of my own,
and here are the pictures I found:
So high, they traded sexes.
No one is shocked by this handsome revelation.
Seriously, who is this guy?
And finally . . .
Wow, I really have no words for this picture other than: In the afterlife, will sister Mary Wana be judged for this more harshly than other nuns? She breathed defiled air AND wore mascara on the same day--talk about a double sin!
Very lazy blogger
Why did you find my blog from this search--how rude!
Come forth, you fiendish searcher, and tell me your name. I may be a lot of things, but hopefully "lazy" isn't one of them. I'd rather be called "an idiot" than have people think I'm a slug.
On that note, I'd like to show you a screenshot I took today. Pretty hilarious if you ask me. I might have to respond to these searches next time.
These are the search keywords that have brought them here.
Note: The Search Keywords are in black. My lovely comments are in red.
Are mimes worse than clowns?
Honestly, it depends on the mime and the clown. For example, which one of these people would you rather meet in a dark alley?
#1
or #2?
How about #3 (Which I find VERY creepy--is this what happened to Quasimodo after he died?)
or #4?
These two just look like nice people. (Except for how the one in the back is flashing a fake gun.) But really, even I could beat them down if they proved evil.
Here's another search:
Ugly pimple lady
What the heck! Why did that search bring them here? I'm a bit stunned . . . and sad.
Marsha Brady still sexy?
Yes, she's still quite pretty. Take a look.
Puss in boots eyes surgery
Dear, sweet, person. Yes, Puss-in-boots does have amazing eyes, but I don't think you need to have a surgery to get that same look. Just buy black contact lenses and some mascara--vwa-la!
ugly man tall nerd
Is this the man you're searching for?
Who pees standing?
Great question. In fact, I've written three blogs about this.
And in answer to your fabulous search: Once again, it depends on the person.
For example:
Book Lovers Pee Standing Click here to read that post. Intellectuals Pee Sitting (That link is here )
while
Manly Men Pee Standing (That link is here )
Got it?
Lady dragged by classy dogs?
Okay . . . what? Dogs like this?
That's more terrifying than clowns!
Hotboxing pirates
I decided to conduct a search of my own,
and here are the pictures I found:
So high, they traded sexes.
No one is shocked by this handsome revelation.
Seriously, who is this guy?And finally . . .
Wow, I really have no words for this picture other than: In the afterlife, will sister Mary Wana be judged for this more harshly than other nuns? She breathed defiled air AND wore mascara on the same day--talk about a double sin!
Very lazy blogger
Why did you find my blog from this search--how rude!
Come forth, you fiendish searcher, and tell me your name. I may be a lot of things, but hopefully "lazy" isn't one of them. I'd rather be called "an idiot" than have people think I'm a slug.
On that note, I'd like to show you a screenshot I took today. Pretty hilarious if you ask me. I might have to respond to these searches next time.
September 17, 2014
I'll be LIVE on the radio a week from today! (9/24)
Well, guess what--I landed a radio interview with famous comedian Brian Shirley!
I love this guy. Last time he had me on his show, we talked about this book:
Click HERE to find it on Amazon.
Brian always has me in stitches, that's why I can hardly wait to talk with him about this new topic.... Marriage: What NOT to Do .
What can cause (or maybe even caused my) divorce.
Join us, September 24th at 5:15pm EST.
Listen in online at: The BTS Show
I'm excited!
I love this guy. Last time he had me on his show, we talked about this book:
Click HERE to find it on Amazon.
Brian always has me in stitches, that's why I can hardly wait to talk with him about this new topic.... Marriage: What NOT to Do .
What can cause (or maybe even caused my) divorce.
Join us, September 24th at 5:15pm EST.
Listen in online at: The BTS Show
I'm excited!
September 15, 2014
A Miraculous Angel Named Mr. Miyagi
A Miraculous AngelThe computer tech reminded me of a young version of Mr. Miyagi, wise and reassuring. At the quaint computer store, Miyagi Jr. quietly accessed my laptop and said he could fix it immediately and be done within a half hour. So I waited and before realizing what happened, that man gave my four kids candy--we joked and laughed about life--my mood AND the mood of the store changed, becoming brighter. When it came time to pay, he wouldn't let me. "This is on me," he said. "You have to let me pay," I said. "Look at all the work you've done." He eyed me thoughtfully, stroking his long goatee. I thought he might see straight through me. Maybe he'd understand that something rested beyond my joking and laughter. Zeke's birthday was fast approaching and I didn't want to feel the ache that day always brings since my son passed away. Miyagi Jr. nodded and said, "There's a pizza place around the corner. A man always works there at this time. If you'd really like to thank me, go order a pizza and visit with the man who's working there. Visit with him just like you visited with me." Visit with the man? It sounded strange. What could he possibly mean? It was my turn to study him. "All right," I finally said, then grabbed my youngest kids' hands and stepped toward the door. Just as the bell rang above the exit and I walked outside, I heard another tech ask Mr. Miyagi, "Are you sure you should send her over there? You know what happens when some people go there when he's workin--" The door shut and I didn't hear another word. "Mama, where are we going now?" my four-year-old son asked as I buckled him in his seat. I inhaled a big breath. "Well, that nice man wouldn't let me pay. So we're going to buy him a pizza." The pizza place was tucked back at the edge of a dilapidated parking lot. People swarmed to other businesses around, but no one went to the forlorn restaurant. "You stay in the car. Keep an eye on the babies," I told my oldest daughters. "Mom, are you sure you should go? This whole thing sounds weird," my second-oldest daughter said. "I'm just getting a pizza. The computer tech needs to get something for all of his hard work." I turned music on for the kids, stepped from the car and locked the black doors. The pizza place didn't have tables, chairs or benches. But the spotless counter gave me a good impression. As the smell of fresh breadsticks wafted toward me, my insides warmed with childhood memories. I stepped forward and rang the metal bell. "Hello?" I said. "Hello?" Someone moved in the shadows at the far end of the kitchen. A man lumbered forward. At first I couldn't see his face because he'd turned it down and away. "Those breadsticks smell amazing!" I said. Then he fully turned toward me and I gasped. The left side of his face was so handsome. He had a striking brown eye and perfectly dark skin. But the other side of his face drooped and bulged. The forehead on his right side stretched a fist taller than the rest of his face. His right eye couldn't open, nestled below his nose. Click the picture for more information about how to help people with this condition.
"What do you want?" he mumbled. I nearly cried, feeling so badly for gasping seconds before. I blinked hard, collecting myself, and instantly donned a smile. "How are you today?" I asked brightly. "I'm . . . all right," he said, turning so I only saw his profile. "And you?" "I'm having a fantastic day. I went to that computer repair place over there. They fixed my computer for free. So I'd like to order a large peperoni pizza for them." His curious eye darted toward mine. "They've been very good to me as well." His words came out slowly and cautiously. I wanted to make an impact, then. But how? I could have told him that my first son had birth defects. Explain how Zeke had a cleft lip and palate. My stomach knotted, remembering how I'd wanted Zeke to be born perfect, live a good life, and die long after I did. I looked at the pizza man and wondered for the millionth time, why do birth defects exist? But instead of talking about Zeke, Miyagi Jr.'s words drifted into my mind. Visit with him just like you visited with me. So I shot the bull with him as he made the pizza. I told jokes about how I worked at a pizza place once. "When I was on the clock, they were always running out of pineapple," I said. "It's my weakness, really." "I know what you mean," he mumbled, then laughed. "I always eat the pineapple too. It's a good weakness though.""Agreed." When he finished the peperoni-extra-cheese, he came over to the counter. "Don't worry about bringing this to them. I'll bring it for you and tell them an angel bought them lunch." I've been a lot of things, but I've never been someone's angel. As I gazed into the man's eye, I thought of how hard I try doing everything right--so I can see my son in Heaven. But I never feel good enough. Tears welled in my eyes and I couldn't look away from the man. No. I wasn't an angel, he was--smiling and laughing despite his lot in life. It could take years to learn what that man had suddenly taught me about gratitude. I lingered because so much kindness shone from his deep, dark eye. "Thank you. You have yourself a wonderful day," I said, turning to leave. Just as I pushed the door open, he stopped me. "Wait," he said, and I turned. "Thanks for coming in here today. It's a cruel world out there, but people like you make it a better place." I held the door open for a minute longer. "Not people like me," I said. "Wonderful people like you." I smiled one last time. "Hey, enjoy the pineapple, it is the best part of working at a pizza place." "I will," he promised and I left the store. As I drove home, clouds grayed the sky overhead. The sun shone brightly in the east, shedding light even through the storm. I told my kids the story. "I don't know who was more of an angel, the pizza man or Miyagi Jr." "Mom, you haven't said a word about the guy's face. I saw him through the window. Didn't you notice something was really wrong with him?" There hadn't been a reason to mention his physical defects. "He was born with problems like Zeke was. But just like Zeke, he was beautiful inside. It makes me wonder though. . . . Why do you think the computer tech sent me to the pizza place?" I asked my oldest daughter. "Maybe he realized you treat everyone with the same kindness no matter what. That says a lot about you, Mom." "No," I sniffled. "It says a lot about him." I pulled off and parked on the side of the road after that. I got out and looked into the storming sky. I thought about my book The G olden Sky --the book about how God and Zeke changed my perception--how sometimes beauty comes right after the storms of life.
As I gazed at the widening clouds, a raindrop fell on my nose and somehow I felt like Zeke was looking down on me, beaming.
-Elisa
September 14, 2014
Ask Elisa: Ridiculous Ways People Found My Site
I had to share some of the funny ways people have found my site, and I'd also like to take time to answer some of their questions.
These are the search keywords that have brought them here.
Note: Search Keywords (in black)
elisa hirsch crazy
Why is the word "crazy" always next to my name lately?
do you believe in magic breast cancer
NO. I don't think breast cancer is magical. I think crap happens and then you either pray or start drinking a ton of coffee. My dad had colon cancer. I think God, the chemo, and large amounts of tobacco cured him.
crazy writing mom
Again with the "crazy!"
www.ecwrites.com
What a shocker that it brought them here. Thank you, Google, for a job well done.
blonde beauty queen yelling
This is a fantastic search. Now I want to write a blog just about this topic.
mime
Yes, mimes are cooler than dynamite! Search for them, just don't expect a vocal reply.
elisabeth hirsch so crazy
Why are people searching my name and the words "SO crazy!!" I know my header says "The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom," but that doesn't mean I want to be connected in that way. It says "Crazy Life," not "Crazy Elisa."
how do i shoplift
Seriously? How do you shoplift? You don't. That's the plain truth. You go, work hard, earn money and then trade it for what you want. Don't come here if you want to learn how to steal--that's not something I'm into, really it's not. I hope you like prison.
IT'S RIDICULOUS WHAT SOME PEOPLE LEARN ON THE INTERNET THESE DAYS!
will drinking coffee cause your feet swell
Drinking coffee will only bring good things, like energy and awesome dreams in the night! I LOVE coffee. My closest friends says that I like a little coffee with my creamer, but they don't know what they're missing.
and he looked at me like i was crazy
This would bother me too. I don't know why people throw the word "crazy" around like it's nothing these days. Why was he looking at you like that? If he wasn't staring back from a mirror, then I think you're probably mentally sane. Just think to yourself, what insecurities does he have inside, that would make him judge you like that? Then, when you find the truth about his insanity, tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it!
what happened to the scribes after they died
The safe answer, is that they went straight to Heaven. Scribes are the fruit of life. They're amazing and wonderful. They're like sugar in my coke and that's why God loves them too.
he's practically perfect in every way, but he's no Mary Poppins
Is this a real saying? Shouldn't it say "she?"
have lost my thumb
Me too, man. It sucks!
A Thumb-altering Moment
crazy mom grandmas
Again with the crazy! These searches are making me crazy!
short fat bald guy with glasses
Are we talking about Newman from Seinfeld? That guy scares the Hell out of me. For some reason he reminds me of dinosaurs and a muddy death! Not a good time! I can see it like a flash back for crying out loud.
best place for living homeless in hawaii
On the strip. Don't go to the homeless park or Pearl City--trust me I know.
caffeine and huge breasts
I've been drinking caffeine for months. It's still a no go.
can a hot mom and ugly dad have a cute baby
It depends on how ugly the dad is.
But seriously it concerns me if the mom, dad, or in-laws wrote this. Either way, it's not nice to the poor daddy.
How to Have an Ugly Baby
can i still go on to the ninth grade evn though im spposed to be stoped?
Well, maybe, but you might want to take some spelling classes
first . . .
cool hand luke mom
Yes, search this and come here often. I flippin' LOVE Cool Hand Luke. This is so much better than "crazy mom!"
can too much caffeine make your breast hurt
Yes. And they still won't grow.
does caffeine make womens breast swell
Yes, in a lumpy, deformed way. (I Googled it too.)
caffeine big boobs . . .
can caffeine cause swollen breast . . .
can caffeine soda make breasts swell . . .
can too much caffeine make your breasts tender
Once again . . . YES! Yikes, if everyone is searching this, then it is a problem.
do the cowboy position
What the Hell? I don't know a ton about cowboys...or missionaries.
crazy elisa hirsch
NO comment!
crazy writing
Just wake up at 5am like I did today. The rest will take care of itself.
Hot Moms From Doom
Save yourself some time. Search "Bridezillas" and you'll get better results.
blonde hippie model
Wow! I'm a bit flattered my site came up from this search. Finally a search as neat as Cool Hand Luke.
harold camping
Is this a substitute for the word "crazy?" Thank goodness my name isn't next to this!
my friends hot mom crazy moms from doom
This is going to a bad place. Stay away from the MILF. You sound way too young!
tangled rapunzel feet tickled
Wow, a bit strange.
british moms walking
I don't quite understand searching for this. Do British females walk differently than say . . . Americans? If people are Googling this, maybe I should take some British walking lessons. I want to be sexy too!
can i put my baby in a laundry basket?
No, I wrote a blog about this:A Baby in a Laundry Basket
So, now that I've officially answered and addressed some of the best searches, what about yours? What have people Googled to find your site?
P. S. I found mine under stats and then traffic sources.
Check out this screenshot I took today.
"sexy mom farting on son face" . . . That's just creepy!
These are the search keywords that have brought them here.Note: Search Keywords (in black)
elisa hirsch crazy
Why is the word "crazy" always next to my name lately?
do you believe in magic breast cancer
NO. I don't think breast cancer is magical. I think crap happens and then you either pray or start drinking a ton of coffee. My dad had colon cancer. I think God, the chemo, and large amounts of tobacco cured him.
crazy writing mom
Again with the "crazy!"
www.ecwrites.com
What a shocker that it brought them here. Thank you, Google, for a job well done.
blonde beauty queen yelling
This is a fantastic search. Now I want to write a blog just about this topic.
mime
Yes, mimes are cooler than dynamite! Search for them, just don't expect a vocal reply.
elisabeth hirsch so crazy
Why are people searching my name and the words "SO crazy!!" I know my header says "The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom," but that doesn't mean I want to be connected in that way. It says "Crazy Life," not "Crazy Elisa."
how do i shoplift
Seriously? How do you shoplift? You don't. That's the plain truth. You go, work hard, earn money and then trade it for what you want. Don't come here if you want to learn how to steal--that's not something I'm into, really it's not. I hope you like prison.
IT'S RIDICULOUS WHAT SOME PEOPLE LEARN ON THE INTERNET THESE DAYS!
will drinking coffee cause your feet swell
Drinking coffee will only bring good things, like energy and awesome dreams in the night! I LOVE coffee. My closest friends says that I like a little coffee with my creamer, but they don't know what they're missing.
and he looked at me like i was crazy
This would bother me too. I don't know why people throw the word "crazy" around like it's nothing these days. Why was he looking at you like that? If he wasn't staring back from a mirror, then I think you're probably mentally sane. Just think to yourself, what insecurities does he have inside, that would make him judge you like that? Then, when you find the truth about his insanity, tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it!
what happened to the scribes after they died
The safe answer, is that they went straight to Heaven. Scribes are the fruit of life. They're amazing and wonderful. They're like sugar in my coke and that's why God loves them too.
he's practically perfect in every way, but he's no Mary Poppins
Is this a real saying? Shouldn't it say "she?"
have lost my thumb
Me too, man. It sucks!
A Thumb-altering Moment
crazy mom grandmas
Again with the crazy! These searches are making me crazy!
short fat bald guy with glasses
Are we talking about Newman from Seinfeld? That guy scares the Hell out of me. For some reason he reminds me of dinosaurs and a muddy death! Not a good time! I can see it like a flash back for crying out loud.
best place for living homeless in hawaii
On the strip. Don't go to the homeless park or Pearl City--trust me I know.
caffeine and huge breasts
I've been drinking caffeine for months. It's still a no go.
can a hot mom and ugly dad have a cute baby
It depends on how ugly the dad is.
But seriously it concerns me if the mom, dad, or in-laws wrote this. Either way, it's not nice to the poor daddy.
How to Have an Ugly Baby
can i still go on to the ninth grade evn though im spposed to be stoped?
Well, maybe, but you might want to take some spelling classes
first . . .
cool hand luke mom
Yes, search this and come here often. I flippin' LOVE Cool Hand Luke. This is so much better than "crazy mom!"
can too much caffeine make your breast hurt
Yes. And they still won't grow.
does caffeine make womens breast swell
Yes, in a lumpy, deformed way. (I Googled it too.)
caffeine big boobs . . .
can caffeine cause swollen breast . . .
can caffeine soda make breasts swell . . .
can too much caffeine make your breasts tender
Once again . . . YES! Yikes, if everyone is searching this, then it is a problem.
do the cowboy position
What the Hell? I don't know a ton about cowboys...or missionaries.
crazy elisa hirsch
NO comment!
crazy writing
Just wake up at 5am like I did today. The rest will take care of itself.
Hot Moms From Doom
Save yourself some time. Search "Bridezillas" and you'll get better results.
blonde hippie model
Wow! I'm a bit flattered my site came up from this search. Finally a search as neat as Cool Hand Luke.
harold camping
Is this a substitute for the word "crazy?" Thank goodness my name isn't next to this!
my friends hot mom crazy moms from doom
This is going to a bad place. Stay away from the MILF. You sound way too young!
tangled rapunzel feet tickled
Wow, a bit strange.
british moms walking
I don't quite understand searching for this. Do British females walk differently than say . . . Americans? If people are Googling this, maybe I should take some British walking lessons. I want to be sexy too!
can i put my baby in a laundry basket?
No, I wrote a blog about this:A Baby in a Laundry Basket
So, now that I've officially answered and addressed some of the best searches, what about yours? What have people Googled to find your site?
P. S. I found mine under stats and then traffic sources.
Check out this screenshot I took today.
"sexy mom farting on son face" . . . That's just creepy!
September 12, 2014
10 ways to tell if he's cheating on you!
I've been scared to write this post, worried about the possible repercussions, but honestly I know this will help someone else.
This is my story and another cliche example of why you shouldn't wrong a writer.
Long story short, I dated a man who said he was not living with his wife (hadn't for over 15 months) and was getting a divorce. Come to find out, he'd been living with her the entire six months we dated.
This was a huge blow to my self-esteem; not only had I trusted this person (foolishly), but he didn't feel I was good enough to date monogamously.
The situation, obviously much worse for his wife, was still hard for me--he'd talked about getting married to me and everything!
I wrote about how much this situation hurt, then decided to let it go until one of my best friends found out her boyfriend is married too--and has been their entire relationship!
My friend and I sat down, quite somber, and came up with ideas that might help others be able to spot similar situations whether they're with a guy or girl who is cheating.
Serial cheaters are con-artists and I hope this post will equip you with skills you need to spot them. Please don't take this out of context and go accusing your significant other unjustly, but if you see 5 or more of these signs, you might want to analyze things more closely and get proof before pointing fingers.
So, learn from my mistakes. I'd like to tell you 10 things that should've tipped me off. Here goes:
#1 They'll Make Excuses:
"Did he ever bring you to his house?" I asked my friend.
"Not once," she said. "It was the weirdest thing. He lives in a different part of the state, but if I ever mentioned going to his hometown, he'd say some exciting event was going on at a mutual meeting point. Or he didn't want me driving all the way down there. How about you--that guy you dated--did you ever see his house?"
"Nope. He lived nearby too. It started bugging me so bad I threatened to break up with him if I couldn't see his place--it just made me feel weird, ya know? So he brought his youngest kids over to meet me, introduced me to his brothers at one point, then told me not to worry. Why would he bring his kids over if he was still living with his wife? I didn't find out 'til later, his daughters told my kids that their daddy was just friends with me."
"And his brothers?"
"...his brothers covered for him when I met them."
If you have an issue and the person you're dating comes up with any reason to solve it other than a way that might expose their cheating actions, there may be a bigger problem.
#2 They'll Talk About the Other Person:
"I knew he'd been married before," my friend said. "He'd say the most terrible things about his ex--that's why I was shocked when I found out they were still together."
I nodded because that was my story too.
"Then when he'd say stuff she'd done wrong," she sighed, "it made me want to try harder."
"Like how she never cooked, so you'd cook all the time for him, 'cause you felt bad?" I asked.
"Yes! Or how she'd never wear lingerie. So I bought a bunch and wore them for him."
"Then when you found out they were still together, it makes you wonder if he'd lied about everything, huh?"
"Yep. I hate to admit it, but she didn't seem like the monster I'd heard about."
"I know what you mean," I whispered.
If your guy is talking A LOT about another girl--even if it's bad--this might mean there's more going on than meets the eye.
#3 You'll Catch them Lying:
"Did you ever catch him lying?" I asked.
"I wouldn't say I actually caught him, but looking back he definitely lied to me. At one point someone called me anonymously, saying he was in another relationship. When I told him, he went on and on, trying to cover for the call. Now I know it was all a lie, but even at the time it seemed off."
"I remember the first time the guy I dated lied to me. At first he said he wasn't married. A few days later, we were hanging out with some friends who (by coincidence) knew both of us! After being caught, he said, 'Yeah, I'm married. But we're separated! I told you that. We haven't lived as man and wife for 15 months. I'm practically divorced--it's just a piece of paper.' I turned bright red and said I swore he'd said he wasn't married. His response: Elisa, you have the worst memory on earth."
If you notice someone lying to you about big things, or trying to "cover," it's okay to ask questions until you've worked through the issue and gotten to the bottom of their lying.
#4 They'll Inappropriately Check Other People Out:
"Whenever I'd go to the bathroom, he'd be checking other people out when I came back. Or flirting with the waitresses. Once he asked me if I'd ever have a threesome! Did the guy you dated do that?"
I honestly felt like I could hurl. "No." I shook my head. "Not while we were dating. He asked me after I found out he was married."
"Oh, my gosh! How terrible."
"Yeah. I can't believe he'd even ask that! That's for people who aren't good enough on their own." We both laughed.
"I'm not sure why he didn't check people out," I admitted. "Maybe I was catching onto things...after he wouldn't let me see his house. I think that made him extra careful."
"Even though he didn't do it, it's a good indicator," she said. "That needs to go on the list."
So, for my buddy:
If they're inappropriately checking out or flirting with people in front of you, there might be an issue.
#5 They'll Try to Cover Their Tracks:
"One entire weekend I couldn't get ahold of my boyfriend. I found out recently he'd gone to a funeral with his wife. He drove all the way to my house on the following Monday and brought jewelry. After I met his wife, I told her everything and she said that jewelry was hers!"
My hand immediately covered my mouth and I gasped. "What kind of jewelry?"
"Gorgeous diamond earrings and a necklace," she said.
"Do you really think they were hers?"
"Elisa! You don't think..."
"I shouldn't have said that."
We both stared. Maybe there was something worse than a cheater--losing jewelry!
"Anyway, did you forgive him?"
"Well, he told me his great-aunt AND his phone died. I didn't known he'd gone to the funeral with his wife--so of course I forgave him."
"Dirty jerk!"
"Things like that happened a lot," she said. "He was always apologizing for something."
"Yeah. Same here. The guy I dated used to come to my house early in the morning and bring me things, saying he was sorry. Once he taped a note to my front window, said he missed our date the night before because his tire blew out--couldn't contact me because his phone died. Just lies on top of lies. I bet he spent the night with his wife."
It's one thing if someone has a strange occurrence once or twice, but tons of times...you don't need that stress OR lack of respect.
#6 Serial Cheaters are Con-artists:
"The guy I dated was a con-artist through and through," I told my friend. "He had this way of making me believe things...."
"Like?"
I thought for a minute, then an example came to mind. "Well, he'd done some framing on my basement. He said he couldn't get anyone to help him, so he needed my help. I ended up nailing boards together, holding things up--it was ridiculous, but I thought he really needed my help AND I'd get a discount. It was all a ploy.
A different framer came later and said the guy I'd dated had NO IDEA what he was doing. All sorts of things were framed improperly: There wasn't enough room for hangers in the closets. The pipe wasn't even framed into the wall."
"Wow, he really took advantage of you," she said.
"Yeah AND got paid in full."
Don't blindly trust everyone; that might be your biggest mistake.
#7 Things Don't Add Up:
"Now he said he's filed for divorce. I wonder if she really has and he's trying to salvage what he can with me," my friend said.
"Who knows," I responded. "But HE isn't worth your time--that's for sure. You can find a nice guy who will treat you right."
"I guess so. I hate it though, thinking he's getting divorced now--when I just came to terms with the fact that he's married!" She paused. "I can't remember, but weren't there some weird things about the day you filed for divorce?"
"Yeah. It was probably the worst thing my ex-boyfriend did! Even though he said he was working on a divorce, I guess they'd never really filed. I called him the day I filed and he said, 'No way! My wife filed today too--I bet you saw her.' That was odd, I'd told him, because when I left the court building I saw a beautiful girl with long dark-brown hair and I'd wondered if his wife looked like her. 'Yeah, she does!' he said, acting floored. 'I bet you saw her.' You know what's ridiculous about that?" I asked my friend.
"His wife has platinum blonde hair," my friend blurted. "I've seen her in person. He just said that so you'd believe they filed."
"Exactly and I bought his story, hook, line, and sinker. I should've thought back to that when I saw her picture on Facebook. I should've known he was lying about more than her hair color."
If things don't add up, it's okay to ask. An honest, good person won't mind dispelling your fears.
#8 Ridiculous Accusations:
"I have several friends who are guys. My ex was always accusing me of cheating with them. He even bought me a ring to wear so I could act like I was married," my friend said.
"Did you wear it?"
She hunched in her chair and whispered, "Yeah, in a weird way I thought it was flattering. And maybe he'd want to ask me the big question if he saw me wearing his ring."
Sometimes cheaters like to accuse others of cheating because their own actions make them insecure.
#9 Belittle the Situation or Place the Blame on You:
"Every time I asked if something else was going on, he'd ask if I was on my period!" my friend said.
"What?! How does that apply to anything?"
"He wanted to get my mind off the real issue, that he was cheating and didn't want to get caught."
"Why is it when people cheat, it's always everyone else's fault."
"Because," she thought for a moment, "cheaters are narcissists. It's always about them: their needs, their desires, their wants."
You are important too! Don't let a cheater blame all their problems on you. You're responsible for your own choices and THEY are responsible for theirs.
#10 If There's Another Woman He REALLY is Cheating on You:
My friends actually saw my ex-boyfriend with his wife, but it took me a few days to believe them. He denied it over and over until I lied and said they'd sent me a picture. He finally confessed. I wish I would've believed my friends in the first place; honestly at the time, I didn't want to.
Yes, I've gone to counseling and realized, no matter how many messed up relationships I've had, not everything is my fault. He cheated on his wife--it took me a month to completely face the truth and get away--but honestly, that's his issue NOT mine.
If someone is cheating on you, it's their problem, not yours.
I hope you're not in a situation like this. I hope that if you are, you'll see the signs and get away. I'm not sure if that saying "once a cheater always a cheater" is true, but in my experience, it sure seems to be.
Best of luck,
Elisa
This is my story and another cliche example of why you shouldn't wrong a writer.
Long story short, I dated a man who said he was not living with his wife (hadn't for over 15 months) and was getting a divorce. Come to find out, he'd been living with her the entire six months we dated.
This was a huge blow to my self-esteem; not only had I trusted this person (foolishly), but he didn't feel I was good enough to date monogamously. The situation, obviously much worse for his wife, was still hard for me--he'd talked about getting married to me and everything!
I wrote about how much this situation hurt, then decided to let it go until one of my best friends found out her boyfriend is married too--and has been their entire relationship!
My friend and I sat down, quite somber, and came up with ideas that might help others be able to spot similar situations whether they're with a guy or girl who is cheating.
Serial cheaters are con-artists and I hope this post will equip you with skills you need to spot them. Please don't take this out of context and go accusing your significant other unjustly, but if you see 5 or more of these signs, you might want to analyze things more closely and get proof before pointing fingers.
So, learn from my mistakes. I'd like to tell you 10 things that should've tipped me off. Here goes:
#1 They'll Make Excuses:
"Did he ever bring you to his house?" I asked my friend.
"Not once," she said. "It was the weirdest thing. He lives in a different part of the state, but if I ever mentioned going to his hometown, he'd say some exciting event was going on at a mutual meeting point. Or he didn't want me driving all the way down there. How about you--that guy you dated--did you ever see his house?"
"Nope. He lived nearby too. It started bugging me so bad I threatened to break up with him if I couldn't see his place--it just made me feel weird, ya know? So he brought his youngest kids over to meet me, introduced me to his brothers at one point, then told me not to worry. Why would he bring his kids over if he was still living with his wife? I didn't find out 'til later, his daughters told my kids that their daddy was just friends with me."
"And his brothers?"
"...his brothers covered for him when I met them."
If you have an issue and the person you're dating comes up with any reason to solve it other than a way that might expose their cheating actions, there may be a bigger problem.
#2 They'll Talk About the Other Person:
"I knew he'd been married before," my friend said. "He'd say the most terrible things about his ex--that's why I was shocked when I found out they were still together."
I nodded because that was my story too.
"Then when he'd say stuff she'd done wrong," she sighed, "it made me want to try harder."
"Like how she never cooked, so you'd cook all the time for him, 'cause you felt bad?" I asked.
"Yes! Or how she'd never wear lingerie. So I bought a bunch and wore them for him."
"Then when you found out they were still together, it makes you wonder if he'd lied about everything, huh?"
"Yep. I hate to admit it, but she didn't seem like the monster I'd heard about."
"I know what you mean," I whispered.
If your guy is talking A LOT about another girl--even if it's bad--this might mean there's more going on than meets the eye.
#3 You'll Catch them Lying:
"Did you ever catch him lying?" I asked.
"I wouldn't say I actually caught him, but looking back he definitely lied to me. At one point someone called me anonymously, saying he was in another relationship. When I told him, he went on and on, trying to cover for the call. Now I know it was all a lie, but even at the time it seemed off."
"I remember the first time the guy I dated lied to me. At first he said he wasn't married. A few days later, we were hanging out with some friends who (by coincidence) knew both of us! After being caught, he said, 'Yeah, I'm married. But we're separated! I told you that. We haven't lived as man and wife for 15 months. I'm practically divorced--it's just a piece of paper.' I turned bright red and said I swore he'd said he wasn't married. His response: Elisa, you have the worst memory on earth."
If you notice someone lying to you about big things, or trying to "cover," it's okay to ask questions until you've worked through the issue and gotten to the bottom of their lying. #4 They'll Inappropriately Check Other People Out:
"Whenever I'd go to the bathroom, he'd be checking other people out when I came back. Or flirting with the waitresses. Once he asked me if I'd ever have a threesome! Did the guy you dated do that?"
I honestly felt like I could hurl. "No." I shook my head. "Not while we were dating. He asked me after I found out he was married."
"Oh, my gosh! How terrible."
"Yeah. I can't believe he'd even ask that! That's for people who aren't good enough on their own." We both laughed.
"I'm not sure why he didn't check people out," I admitted. "Maybe I was catching onto things...after he wouldn't let me see his house. I think that made him extra careful."
"Even though he didn't do it, it's a good indicator," she said. "That needs to go on the list."
So, for my buddy:
If they're inappropriately checking out or flirting with people in front of you, there might be an issue.
#5 They'll Try to Cover Their Tracks:
"One entire weekend I couldn't get ahold of my boyfriend. I found out recently he'd gone to a funeral with his wife. He drove all the way to my house on the following Monday and brought jewelry. After I met his wife, I told her everything and she said that jewelry was hers!"
My hand immediately covered my mouth and I gasped. "What kind of jewelry?"
"Gorgeous diamond earrings and a necklace," she said.
"Do you really think they were hers?"
"Elisa! You don't think..."
"I shouldn't have said that."
We both stared. Maybe there was something worse than a cheater--losing jewelry!
"Anyway, did you forgive him?"
"Well, he told me his great-aunt AND his phone died. I didn't known he'd gone to the funeral with his wife--so of course I forgave him."
"Dirty jerk!"
"Things like that happened a lot," she said. "He was always apologizing for something."
"Yeah. Same here. The guy I dated used to come to my house early in the morning and bring me things, saying he was sorry. Once he taped a note to my front window, said he missed our date the night before because his tire blew out--couldn't contact me because his phone died. Just lies on top of lies. I bet he spent the night with his wife."
It's one thing if someone has a strange occurrence once or twice, but tons of times...you don't need that stress OR lack of respect.
#6 Serial Cheaters are Con-artists:
"The guy I dated was a con-artist through and through," I told my friend. "He had this way of making me believe things...."
"Like?"
I thought for a minute, then an example came to mind. "Well, he'd done some framing on my basement. He said he couldn't get anyone to help him, so he needed my help. I ended up nailing boards together, holding things up--it was ridiculous, but I thought he really needed my help AND I'd get a discount. It was all a ploy.
A different framer came later and said the guy I'd dated had NO IDEA what he was doing. All sorts of things were framed improperly: There wasn't enough room for hangers in the closets. The pipe wasn't even framed into the wall."
"Wow, he really took advantage of you," she said.
"Yeah AND got paid in full."
Don't blindly trust everyone; that might be your biggest mistake.
#7 Things Don't Add Up:
"Now he said he's filed for divorce. I wonder if she really has and he's trying to salvage what he can with me," my friend said.
"Who knows," I responded. "But HE isn't worth your time--that's for sure. You can find a nice guy who will treat you right."
"I guess so. I hate it though, thinking he's getting divorced now--when I just came to terms with the fact that he's married!" She paused. "I can't remember, but weren't there some weird things about the day you filed for divorce?"
"Yeah. It was probably the worst thing my ex-boyfriend did! Even though he said he was working on a divorce, I guess they'd never really filed. I called him the day I filed and he said, 'No way! My wife filed today too--I bet you saw her.' That was odd, I'd told him, because when I left the court building I saw a beautiful girl with long dark-brown hair and I'd wondered if his wife looked like her. 'Yeah, she does!' he said, acting floored. 'I bet you saw her.' You know what's ridiculous about that?" I asked my friend.
"His wife has platinum blonde hair," my friend blurted. "I've seen her in person. He just said that so you'd believe they filed."
"Exactly and I bought his story, hook, line, and sinker. I should've thought back to that when I saw her picture on Facebook. I should've known he was lying about more than her hair color."
If things don't add up, it's okay to ask. An honest, good person won't mind dispelling your fears.
#8 Ridiculous Accusations:
"I have several friends who are guys. My ex was always accusing me of cheating with them. He even bought me a ring to wear so I could act like I was married," my friend said.
"Did you wear it?"
She hunched in her chair and whispered, "Yeah, in a weird way I thought it was flattering. And maybe he'd want to ask me the big question if he saw me wearing his ring."
Sometimes cheaters like to accuse others of cheating because their own actions make them insecure.
#9 Belittle the Situation or Place the Blame on You:
"Every time I asked if something else was going on, he'd ask if I was on my period!" my friend said.
"What?! How does that apply to anything?"
"He wanted to get my mind off the real issue, that he was cheating and didn't want to get caught."
"Why is it when people cheat, it's always everyone else's fault."
"Because," she thought for a moment, "cheaters are narcissists. It's always about them: their needs, their desires, their wants."
You are important too! Don't let a cheater blame all their problems on you. You're responsible for your own choices and THEY are responsible for theirs.
#10 If There's Another Woman He REALLY is Cheating on You:
My friends actually saw my ex-boyfriend with his wife, but it took me a few days to believe them. He denied it over and over until I lied and said they'd sent me a picture. He finally confessed. I wish I would've believed my friends in the first place; honestly at the time, I didn't want to.
Yes, I've gone to counseling and realized, no matter how many messed up relationships I've had, not everything is my fault. He cheated on his wife--it took me a month to completely face the truth and get away--but honestly, that's his issue NOT mine.
If someone is cheating on you, it's their problem, not yours.
I hope you're not in a situation like this. I hope that if you are, you'll see the signs and get away. I'm not sure if that saying "once a cheater always a cheater" is true, but in my experience, it sure seems to be.
Best of luck,
Elisa
Strong As Stone: Becoming the Best Version of Me
I love my kids so much!
We had way too much fun playing this together.
~Strong as Stone~
©2014 EC Stilson & Mike Magagna
Changing...moving on.
Moving past the way things used to be.
Growing...getting strong.
Becoming the best version of me.
There is a time and a season.
You're not the reason--
you are not the one.
You're not the change in the season.
....*rift*
And it has begun.
Changing...moving on.
Moving past the way things used to be.
Growing...getting strong.
Becoming the best version of me.
||:There is a time and a season.
You're not the reason--
you are not the one:||
Steppin' up, strong as stone.
Can't you see, I'm not alone.
Steppin' up, strong as stone.
Can't you see /we're/ not alone.
Lyrics by EC Stilson & Mike Magagna
We had way too much fun playing this together.
~Strong as Stone~
©2014 EC Stilson & Mike Magagna
Changing...moving on.
Moving past the way things used to be.
Growing...getting strong.
Becoming the best version of me.
There is a time and a season.
You're not the reason--
you are not the one.
You're not the change in the season.
....*rift*
And it has begun.
Changing...moving on.
Moving past the way things used to be.
Growing...getting strong.
Becoming the best version of me.
||:There is a time and a season.
You're not the reason--
you are not the one:||
Steppin' up, strong as stone.
Can't you see, I'm not alone.
Steppin' up, strong as stone.
Can't you see /we're/ not alone.
Lyrics by EC Stilson & Mike Magagna
September 11, 2014
Dear God, I'm Tapping Out Now
Dear God,
I stopped really praying to you the day Zeke died. I asked you to heal my son, but you didn't; at the time I thought you were on vacation or something. I get it now though, why he died--how certain things are meant to be. Too bad it didn't make the pain go away. That's when I quit praying, figured you'd do what you wanted no matter what my finite opinion was.
But I have to say, you shocked me this year.
I've prayed for signs and answers have surprisingly come, time and again. People said it was coincidence, but after a while, I started doubting them instead of you.
On Monday I hit an all-time low, set my pride aside and prayed for more than a sign--I REALLY prayed for your help.
I hate asking for stuff, like a spoiled child who doesn't get their way. I know it's prideful, feeling things should be done on my own. But last Monday, I apologized for not checking in more often, not telling you how glad I am for life, not explaining that I miss feeling as if you're always with me.
"I'm tapping out," I said Monday morning. "I know I'm not the greatest at praying. I'm not the most eloquent, or smart. I'm not the kindest, or the sweetest. I've made more mistakes than Eve. I suck, really. God, I've even denied you, saying terrible things out of hurt, or just to sound cool.
"I'm so sorry for betraying you. I don't deserve your help...your love...even your goodwill. I'm a backstabber to my maker--and maybe that's the worst crime ever known. But God, things have gotten so bad.
"I'm a single mom. My ex can't work right now because of his motorcycle accident. My kids need so much from me constantly. I feel like I'm gonna break under this pressure.
"God, I'm asking you for something--and you know I never really ask for stuff. I need a job--a good job. I don't know if you'll answer me; it'd be a miracle if you did. But really, I need help. I need...you."
I applied for 18 jobs after that prayer on Monday. So many people reached out to me, sending info and employer phone numbers. Help came from long-time friends, relatives I thought had forgotten about me, people I didn't even think liked me, some people I'd wronged. I cried over the emails, seeing how generous and kind everyone truly is.
"You're gonna make it," one person wrote--a person who never should have given my friendship a second chance. "You're stronger than you know, and you're going to make it despite what anyone might think! I'm pulling for you, friend."
Friend... She'd actually written the word. That kind of love and generosity floored me.
God, I saw your kindness in those actions--and it made me realize again, how amazing life truly is even during the worst trials. The darkness might come and surround us, but the Light, it has the power to make that darkness run.
One job spoke to me more than the rest. I crossed my fingers, hoping for the best because really it would be my dream job.
Tuesday morning they asked me to an interview that evening. On Wednesday I was already scheduled for a second interview. And by that same night, I had the job.
God, this might seem silly to some reading these words, like a Christmas letter a child sends to Santa, but I wanted to tell you where everyone can see.... THANK YOU.
I was so sad. I didn't know how I'd pay my bills, take care of my kids, even afford groceries, but that's all changed. I'm gonna work my little heart out, making my employer proud.
Thank you for loving me against all the odds. Thank you for forgiving me, even though I didn't deserve it. And thank you for surrounding me with good people who believe in me despite the odds.
I love you, God. And I want everyone to know that even though my life has been hard at times, you're still here for me and if you can be here for someone like me, I know you're there for them too.
I'll talk with you soon,
Elisa
P.S. I'll try to stop swearing when I'm with my friends. But that's going to take some effort. Here's to honesty!
I stopped really praying to you the day Zeke died. I asked you to heal my son, but you didn't; at the time I thought you were on vacation or something. I get it now though, why he died--how certain things are meant to be. Too bad it didn't make the pain go away. That's when I quit praying, figured you'd do what you wanted no matter what my finite opinion was.
But I have to say, you shocked me this year.
I've prayed for signs and answers have surprisingly come, time and again. People said it was coincidence, but after a while, I started doubting them instead of you.
On Monday I hit an all-time low, set my pride aside and prayed for more than a sign--I REALLY prayed for your help.
I hate asking for stuff, like a spoiled child who doesn't get their way. I know it's prideful, feeling things should be done on my own. But last Monday, I apologized for not checking in more often, not telling you how glad I am for life, not explaining that I miss feeling as if you're always with me.
"I'm tapping out," I said Monday morning. "I know I'm not the greatest at praying. I'm not the most eloquent, or smart. I'm not the kindest, or the sweetest. I've made more mistakes than Eve. I suck, really. God, I've even denied you, saying terrible things out of hurt, or just to sound cool. "I'm so sorry for betraying you. I don't deserve your help...your love...even your goodwill. I'm a backstabber to my maker--and maybe that's the worst crime ever known. But God, things have gotten so bad.
"I'm a single mom. My ex can't work right now because of his motorcycle accident. My kids need so much from me constantly. I feel like I'm gonna break under this pressure.
"God, I'm asking you for something--and you know I never really ask for stuff. I need a job--a good job. I don't know if you'll answer me; it'd be a miracle if you did. But really, I need help. I need...you."
I applied for 18 jobs after that prayer on Monday. So many people reached out to me, sending info and employer phone numbers. Help came from long-time friends, relatives I thought had forgotten about me, people I didn't even think liked me, some people I'd wronged. I cried over the emails, seeing how generous and kind everyone truly is.
"You're gonna make it," one person wrote--a person who never should have given my friendship a second chance. "You're stronger than you know, and you're going to make it despite what anyone might think! I'm pulling for you, friend."
Friend... She'd actually written the word. That kind of love and generosity floored me.
God, I saw your kindness in those actions--and it made me realize again, how amazing life truly is even during the worst trials. The darkness might come and surround us, but the Light, it has the power to make that darkness run.
One job spoke to me more than the rest. I crossed my fingers, hoping for the best because really it would be my dream job.
Tuesday morning they asked me to an interview that evening. On Wednesday I was already scheduled for a second interview. And by that same night, I had the job.
God, this might seem silly to some reading these words, like a Christmas letter a child sends to Santa, but I wanted to tell you where everyone can see.... THANK YOU.
I was so sad. I didn't know how I'd pay my bills, take care of my kids, even afford groceries, but that's all changed. I'm gonna work my little heart out, making my employer proud.
Thank you for loving me against all the odds. Thank you for forgiving me, even though I didn't deserve it. And thank you for surrounding me with good people who believe in me despite the odds.
I love you, God. And I want everyone to know that even though my life has been hard at times, you're still here for me and if you can be here for someone like me, I know you're there for them too.
I'll talk with you soon,
Elisa
P.S. I'll try to stop swearing when I'm with my friends. But that's going to take some effort. Here's to honesty!
