Eve Gaal's Blog, page 22

The Supreme Web

Have you ever noticed those strange moments when you’re wondering about something and a very obvious but deconstructed answer is right in front of your face? Perhaps you’re wondering whether you should go to the party but exactly at that moment when you're thinking about what to wear or who to bring, you come to a STOP sign. Directly above the word STOP someone has carved the word NO into the sign. Would you take that as a ‘no’ don’t go to the party, or simply a coincidence?
I remember feeling anxious about a certain meeting at work and while driving my car the song ‘Take it Easy’ by the Eagles came on the radio. When I stepped into the lobby at work, the same song was playing on a completely different station. Do you think someone wanted me to take it easy? It’s kind of like a favorite cartoon where a guy is asking God for a sign and a giant neon sign falls from the sky landing in front of him. The sign says, ‘A sign”.
Then there’s the dessert menu. Try it sometime. Listen to the background music playing in the restaurant before you commit to another thousand calories. If they’re playing Queen’s, "Fat-Bottomed Girls" you might want to reconsider but if they’re playing Billy Joel’s, “Just the Way You Are,” you might as well go for it! The smart restaurateur where I ordered dessert last had ‘You Are So Beautiful" playing on the radio, so of course I indulged. A few rows like this....
Right now, I’m wondering about a stranger’s crocheted sweater. I know how to crochet and have taken the time to learn many unusual crochet stitches but this sweater wasn’t a typical machine made crocheted sweater that you could buy and it also looked extremely difficult to make. The woman wearing the lacy cardigan could have made it or received it as a gift. This large woman, with row after row of complex stitches, sat in front of me last Sunday at church giving me an hour to ponder more than the sermon.(Which interestingly was about the multitudes sharing the five loaves and two fish.) 

The complicated stitch pattern repeated sometimes but only after approximately twenty unique rows. Her white sweater seemed to represent something to me, maybe because my insides have been feeling twisted into a tight crocheted pattern. Lately, there have been some unusual things happening in my life and if you know about my past, then you know I’m supposed to be the strong, cool-headed voice of reason. Giant knots are obstructing my goals and draining the oxygen from my heart. Give it to God everyone says. Will prayer help things unravel—in a good way? Will He help me get everything untangled and readjusted for some semblance of normalcy? I’m quite clear on the concept that the future looks difficult. It’s a rocky terrain and I’m heading uphill. Still wondering why I needed this reminder.

and some rows like this....









Am I one cloud formation away from the cuckoos’ nest or simply reading too much into things? Has this happened to you?
What do you think? Do you allow the universe to speak to you?

Gambling on The Odds and Challenging Myself

Different jokes for different folks. As you know, it takes a lot to make certain people smile. To be honest, some of these didn't test well with my beta audience. Hey, I am still working on my humor writing--but with so much going on in the world-- bottom line--it's been a tough year. If you grin, laugh or snort please let me know in the comments. Your gracious support and white lies are appreciated.

This first joke was tested on the audience at Humor Writer's of America and received two likes. Well at least one.
Two marshmallows walk into a bar.The first one asks the bartender for chocolate.The second one asks for graham crackers.(Bartender keeps chocolate on hand for fancy cocktails and happens to have graham crackers hidden way in the back—but that’s another story. Right now, he’s pissed and wants to throw these two troublemakers out, but it’s a hot summer day and they already look a bit charred. Anyway, when they’re finished eating they both say, “Give me somemore!” “Smore!!”
 ...badaboombadabing....True story:Divorce Attorney: When did you begin to feel resentment?”Man: That horrible day we were married.Divorce Attorney has a surprised look on his face. “Huh?”Man: She made me wear a mint green tuxedo!”

...moving on.... True Story:“Hey, I hear you got a divorce-- thought you liked being married to a magician.” “Nah, his best trick was making me disappear.”









True Story:My ankle biter is smarter than your chihuahua.No, she’s not.Yes, she is. She knows her ABCs.A for Arf, arf, arf. B for Bark, bark Barkand C is for Chomp, chomp, chomp. Oops.Told ya!

...customer service....True Story:
A man calls Victoria Secret to order his wife an anniversary gift.“Excuse me but I’d like to order that negligee in your catalog.”“Which page sir?”“Page four--the one with the anorexic teenager.”That’s a supermodel.“Wonderful! My wife is also a super model.”“Really?”Well I work for Boeing Ma’am and I call her my Super, model C-17.C-17? Isn’t that a giant cargo plane?Yes Ma’am. He can hear her type into the computer.Here we are; that nightie comes in pink, blue or yellow. I’ll take pink.What size?Do you have XXXXXXXXXXL?No sir. Our XL fits up to a roomy size 8. If she’s larger than an 8, we can’t help you.Figures. Thanks for nothin'.Don't blame me. Sounds like she needs a hangar. Hanger?No, a hangar. Call the airport.
    Bad Puns:
Did you hear about the guy working at the textile mill?No, what about him?He dyed.
That’s like the guy at the paper bag factory.Is he still around?Nope, he got sacked.
Or the man at the soap factory--guy had an excuse for everything.What about him?They caught him in the lye.


Knock Knock Jokes
True Story-Abbott and Costello style.
Knock, knockWho’s there?ShareShare who?Like the one who loved Sonny.That was Cher.That’s what I said.No, you said Share.So, why don’t you?Why don’t I what?Share some of your cake and let me in.But I don’t know you. Who are you?I said, my name is Cher.How do you know I have cake?Because the door said bakery.Well we don’t have any.Why not?We bake them to order.Well it’s an order. Bake.Get lost!!!
One more: I drew this for a children's story
 I've worked on for years.

Knock knock.Who’s there?Owl?Owl Who?
Owl bet you’re bored of my jokes.




Well, if you stayed awake and reached this point you're officially either a good, patient friend or a person who loves silly jokes. Perhaps you have nothing better to do today and you picked my humble little blog from among the competition. I feel very special. Whatever the reason, thanks for reading, enduring and commenting on my post and I hope something here made you laugh, at least making your lips turn upward a skoosh. Thanks for visiting!

Humor, Poetry, Sci-Fi and Mystery--Enjoyable Reading!

Looking for something interesting to read? Here's a few great books I recently finished reading and thought I'd share the best with you. 

Maybe It’s Just Me-by Barry Parham

Parham’s satirical and politically incorrect book is attempting to make sense of the media hoopla surrounding and influencing our daily lives. You’ll laugh aloud at his strange but funny analysis of our health care system, social media, black Friday and newly enacted laws. He touches on insanely important topics such as aging and air travel while wondering why a popular singer wearing a meat dress is considered cool but prayer in schools isn't. Touché, Barry! You’ll read about ‘whack biscuits’ or ‘schizo-burger side-orders’ and wonder whether you know someone who might fall into those categories as long as they’re not a ‘lobotomized cypress’ or a ‘Binkie’.  Don't ask. Then there are the lists of worst jobs, bad Christmas songs and top ten reasons to move to a different city. This book is worth the price simply to get his list of acronyms with a twist. Overall, it’s a riot. I learned that not everyone uses Crown Royal bags for Scrabble and he definitely doesn't want to play Candy Crush Saga. Dang.
Irrefutable Proof by Abby L. Vandiver

Justin is an archaeologist and she also writes fiction books. Someone didn't want her second book to hit the shelves and it seems there are people after her regarding some enlightening information in her novel. Fiction or not, her book has some unusual insight about the history of modern civilization and the fact that she’s working on deciphering a papyrus scroll and traveling to unusual libraries for research, has peaked the interest of government officials knowing the truth. Or do they? When a priest comes to pay a visit with a suggestion about focusing on the Voynich Manuscript rather than translating the scroll she’s been working on, things take a turn into the danger zone. Will Dr. Justin Dickerson find the irrefutable proof she’s looking for? Only one way to find out—buy this exciting book and read it today!
Kaleidescope Poetry by Carole Anne Carr

This anthology of tender, heartfelt poetry takes the reader from England to Africa with vivid descriptions, colors and sensitivity. Imagine a frosty weekend at a writer’s retreat or contemplate issues of the soul upon finding an old rosary and dig even deeper upon reflections of one child’s poverty, as he stares longingly into a shop full of fancy shoes. See the sparkle change from one poem to another in this lovely collection, this kaleidoscope by Carol Anne Carr.

Shadow Over Avalon by C.N. Lesley
This is a futuristic book with a warrior woman/cyborg facing many adventures under scrutiny--in Avalon, where thoughts and feelings are monitored and downloaded into a large computer database--plus everyone is pierced with a band of black or gold. It’s heart thumping action and a lot of plot twists that went straight over my head. A well-written book for any lover of sci-fi and fantasy.

Dry Bones by Carole Morden
Do you like cozy mystery novels that spin tight little webs that leave you breathless? This novel, Dry Bones wanted to take me for a ride to a high school reunion but too many things began happening along the way. Exciting things-- that needed figuring out and Jamie, the main character and also a Pastor’s wife is determined to find out what happens even if she almost jeopardizes her life. After all, a murdered friend just left her millions, her husband the Pastor, is out of town and her mystery club from high school doesn’t have the deeply rooted, ambitious desire to solve the case now that they are all grown up and only Jamie is the suspect. With help from her alcoholic friend Rachel who seems to know a few things about computers and detective Scott, they try to look for clues that might help clear Jamie’s name. Everything points to another friend who is losing friends and relatives faster than a blind man losing money at a roulette table. Jamie just wants to go back to making pies for the congregation but first she’s chased around town by Volvo lady and kidnapped by her high school principal. This fast-paced story builds up to a clever climax that will surprise even those who are champions at Clue with unanticipated twists and turns that will make you a lifelong fan of Carole Morden.
Mexican Humor 201 by Linton Robinson
This is extremely politically incorrect Mexican humor but I found it fascinating. There’s a common theme mainly portraying the macho man and the curvaceous woman, in short vignettes and slapstick style wordplay.(Excuse the pun.) My favorite joke is called The Bicycle (a relatively clean joke) and the cool thing is everything appears in two languages! It’s like getting two jokes for the price of one! Anyway, there’s a lot I don't “get” but maybe that’s okay. I recommend this book to anyone working near San Diego or El Paso who wants to make people smile!

What have you been reading? Any of these sound interesting to you?

Afternoon Shadows-A Writing Prompt

Here's a picture prompt--a shadow of my head and Pinky--my chihuahuador(chihuahua and labrador mix-don't ask because I won't know and I'm not sure how that's even possible). Pinky's sitting on the back of the couch, looking out the window and I'm watching television. I thought this photo portrays the intangible love between us.What do you think? 

Please write a 100 words or a paragraph about this photo in the comments. It doesn't have to be about Pinky or anything I mentioned above. 

Thriving Kernels

Scary at first,Being small and alone,Not knowing which way to grow,where to turn....

Sometimes it was hot,A toasty burn--then wind broughtlaughing rain--tempting death,swirling rings of the insane.Then blindingheavy snow made me sag.And though youngI felt like a hag.


The hostile came stomping my heart,they didn’t careif I fell apart.
But I had hope,An innate survival mechanismhelped me cope. Something deeper kept me alive
and a seedling of faithmade me survive.




Poem and primitive illustrations by Eve Gaal


May you always thrive!

Necessity is the Mother of Invention-(A Craft idea) and Ducks!

Ongoing Craft Idea

You’ll need one white tee shirtInexpensive fabric paint from the craft store or acrylic paints.

The first time I wore my white, long-sleeved tee, a splash of spaghetti sauce ruined it forever. I threw it into the back of the closet and took it out to paint my guest room and wore it to clean out the garage. Then one day after pulling the disgusting looking tee out of the dryer, I had an epiphany about doodling all over it with fabric paint. After adding some primitive folk-art style with the fabric paint, I even added some beading around the neckline. It didn’t look designer new or anything like that but the sauce and paint stains had magically disappeared. Sometimes I wear it out of the house to the lumber store and garden center where I even received a compliment! That was five years ago and the shirt is a sort of a work in progress. Of course, aren’t we all? Two days ago, I spilled gelato all over the worn top but I’m looking forward to adding pink hearts onto my sleeves.  Spots? What spots?

Go to town doodling anything over your spots with fabric paint.


Summer Ducks


The cutest little bundles of joy decided to hatch under our mesquite tree this week.  Seven little ones and a gold colored mama duck were having a great time splashing around in the pool and looking for bugs. We had noticed the lonely mother duck swimming around every night by herself for a month. I remember the romantic date she had with the handsome mallard that dumped her and left her at our house. Jerk! She cried her heart out for days! Once a lonely girl—now she has seven little ones who need her constant attention! It was truly an overload of absolute adorableness watching them waddle, as they followed their mother around our lawn. I took the photo from an upstairs window.
 This was the first day we saw them, which was June 22.
After three days however, the mother duck wanted to move along and everyone slipped under a hole in the fence and disappeared. There is a creek less than a quarter mile away and a lake about two miles away, so we're hoping they've safely found their way to a forever home. Do you think they'll come back?
Thanks for visiting my blog! 

It's Never Too Late for Love

To the dad not paying child support-You might think it’s cool nowbut some day,maybe twenty years from now when the respirator is acting up--you'll want to explain why....Can someone listen to your excuse?You try ringing for the nurse--but it’s midnight and she’s helpinganother patient behind a curtain with a bed pan....
To the person who shoots innocent people--Maybe you’ve lost your mind or took drugsbut think about twenty,  thirty, maybe fifty years from nowWhen you walk out of the cell looking for someone to talk toand no one is waiting.Disconnected phones-lost addresses-where to go?Nothing but parole officers and salespeople asking you to sign thingspromising you won’t go far-- while they ask for your last dollar.
To those who poke fun and tease the weak,Bullies who think they’re better,Wise, hip and fashionable while looking down their nose,lifting arrogant heads,disgusted with what they call ignorance.Selfish and repulsive narcissistic individuals who hate-- and have no time--believe in nothing--And laugh at others who do.Maybe someday--God willing--Twenty years from nowWhile standing in line at the pharmacy,Or while thinking about who to invite--for the A list is short--perhaps someday...they'll find a change of heart. 
To thieves, prostitutes and the rest of those waiting for hell--- (you think that's a place of legends and fairy-tales but...time creates change--)Why wait?There are options.
It’s never too late.

Prayer of Gratitude

Yesterday during some very dark times, my heart was beating and feeling like it was going to fall out of my chest. The issue in front of me was bleak and I kept reminding myself that God never gives us more than we can handle. In fact, this was one of those moments where I absolutely was afraid I couldn’t handle it. My head hurt and there was a knot in my stomach. It’s not over and the situation might continue to be horrible but the severest part is now apparent. I have also placed all of my anxiety into God’s hands. I simply can’t handle it. Not that I didn’t try and don’t continue to counsel and assist but when things are tough it’s easier to: 1. Lie down and cry. 2. Imbibe in giant frosted cakes or 3. Go drinking (not an option I would choose but it sounds kind of cool since I’m a writer.) but this time I prayed and prayed and gave all of it away. 
Hours passed and I took my dog Pinky for a walk. During the walk, a friend called and calmly talked me through so much, even offering to help. Today, I know things will work out and though there are more tough times ahead, I also know God strengthens me on a daily basis. Thank you for watching me and sending legions of angels to help me. Thank you for protecting my heart and giving me health and security. Thank you ahead of time for helping with this and other serious problems. This is a tough summer and I am thankful, always. 

Mignons or Minions? Naughty or Nice?

NICE

When we were kids and mom took us to a bakery, they had these small pastries called mignons. (Pronounced just like the Despicable Me characters, only tastier.) Today they have assorted petit fours, cupcakes and cannoli’s but the variety is limited. These are not cookies or rugalach but dainty little creations decorated with fruit, infused with rum or filled with layers of vanilla, chocolate or coffee cream. Not just any cream but almond cream, hazelnut puree, tart lemon curd or scrumptious custard. Sometimes frosted or glazed, topped with chopped walnuts or sprinkles—these irresistible confections made your mouth water just looking at them and the hardest part was picking out your favorite while the lady behind the counter smiled at your mother. There was always a line and you had to hurry. If I took too long, then mom would say, “Oh these right here in the front are fine. Aren’t they dear?” And of course, they were more than fine. Still, it was fun to select my own because these were not everyday luxuries. Oh no. Buying mignons corresponded with my father’s promotion or perhaps a visit from a distant relative. Choosing the right ones was a serious task because this was a rare occasion. Once home, we unwrapped the days purchases and there on our humble, green-tiled kitchen counter sat the glorious pink box tied with string. Nestled inside on fluted, white paper cups were small pieces of heaven waiting to create a delectable memory. There was absolutely nothing naughty about them....
NAUGHTYThose delicious creations were nothing like these cheeky new movie-star minions.Strange that they are yellow and naughty like my very own personal, four-legged minions but I  also noticed these adorable characters don't have ears. And so the connection might end there, except for the constant evil scheming.... 



My rascal-faced minions look like this: 
Pinky and FionaNotice the decimated skunk toy under the roguish paws? How about the princess pose, beady eyes and yellow-hued fur? Yup, just as mischievous...and perhaps receiving incoming signals while plotting world domination. Do you see the ears? I am wrapped in their spell and can't get away. What should I do? I need mignons and I need them now!

Dare to Ask-A poem

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.-Matthew-7:7


Dare to ask.He’s busy but listening.Go ahead and do it.Don’t worry about kneelingHe knows what’s in your heart.He knows what you want--but...prefersyour humble request.When you ask,you confirmwishes and hidden desires.Possibly uncovering dreams, goals and potentialities.The process of asking clarifies things--not for Him--but for you.Don’t beg.Some things take time.His time.Are you sure,it’s what you want?Then ask,wait and receive.



This poem needed to be written because I knew someone who died without ever experiencing love. This person didn’t have a regular paying job and always wanted children but felt shy meeting girls. He was a good person who committed his life to helping his aging parents as a caregiver and live-in handyman.  This person dreamed of so many things that never came true. I remember telling him to ask God for help and he told me he didn’t want to waste God’s time. As a very humble and insecure person, he thought God was too busy to listen to his problems. If there’s one thing, I’m confident about, it’s the fact that He listens. If you know anyone who is struggling, please remind him or her to ask...before it’s too late.