Veronica Mist's Blog, page 2

KCat on The Key of Credence

Please don't forget to grab a copy of MANILA BULLETIN this coming monday, November 7, 2011. The Seven - The Key of Credence by Veronica Mist will be featured under I AM KCAT column (Students & Campuses section).


Kcat is:

I am Maria Kathrina Lopez Yarza. I am Kcat. I am Tack. I am 27 years old.

I am Sick.


When I was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis Type 2 (NF2) in August 2004, my Neurosurgeon, Dr. Willy Lopez, said that there’s a chance that I might be deaf someday. I have a lot of tumors, brain tumors and I could go deaf. Okay. It still didn’t frighten me; not a bit. One sleepless night when it all dawn in me, I cried. I cried because I felt like I need to cry; coz I think it’s normal and that’s the way it should be though I’m not sure why I’m crying. Ummm... because I’m sick? That’s it. But I never questioned God WHY coz I know from the start that everything has a reason and there’s got to be a reason for this. There is a reason. After that one night, I continued living my life the way it is, should be & I want it to be. My sickness never hindered me from whatever I want or am doing.

In January 2005, I underwent an open brain surgery but it was terminated because of the unsafe dura opening. I called it my open-close brain surgery and I got to have an undercut hair. How cool is that? Haha!

And so I continued living my life as it is. Then I underwent Stereotactic Radio Surgery (SRS) in June 2005 to treat my 3 brain tumors. It was decreased in size to prevent it from growing and cause more damage.

My treated tumors were on the swelling stage few weeks after my SRS. That went on for 6 months; and in that six months I continuously had headaches, double vision, poor balance, until I became so weak and my hearing was fading rapidly. I was in and out of the hospital until I was confined from October25 - December22. I got so weak; the left part of my body is almost paralyzed and numb. My facial muscles won’t move and the right side feels numb. I also can’t swallow well; I was fed through a (NGT) tube. I didn’t have double vision anymore, but I have a very poor vision.

Then January 2006, as the New Year arrived, I was faced with a new world; a world without sound. When my world became silent, I’m not sure if I was in denial. I was just like, “okay” and accepted it right away. I didn’t know that I haven’t fully accepted that I’m deaf and I’m sick until Holy Week of 2006. I was paranoid. I had sleepless nights thinking about me, my situation. It’s really like Angel vs. Devil scenario in my head. I kept on praying. I was waiting for Easter Sunday, but I don’t exactly know why. I just kept on telling, “On Sunday. On Sunday.” I just want it to be Sunday, I don’t know why. I got to be out of my mind. Actually, I kept on saying I was going insane. Ha! It’s like the world is moving so fast and I want it to slow down or pause for me, but of course that won’t happen. I want to shout, no I want to scream, “wait for me world!” Then Sunday came, I felt better - Spiritually, Emotionally. I woke up and just realized: LIFE MUST GO ON! My mom even asked me if I’m just saying that because she me told so, just to please her. No, this is what I want. I want to do what I want. I want to do what I can. The world won’t wait for me; I have to live with the world coz I’m living. Yes, I’m alive! I’m grateful for my life. Life is beautiful no matter what.

I decided to continue living my life; the way it should be, the way I want it to be.


I can’t but I CAN. There are lots of things I cannot do anymore, but there are still a lot of things I can do. If I can, then I would. I’m sick. I’m Deaf. So what? I’m not really bothered by it anymore. There’s a chance that I’ll be able to move my left motor skills and walk again. As for my hearing, I have fully accepted the fact that I’m already deaf and there’s really no assurance for me that I would be able to hear again. When an NF2 patient like me becomes deaf (since the auditory nerve was damaged already because of the tumor), there isn’t really a chance for us to hear again. I accepted it, but I never lose hope. I wasn’t sure what that hope is. I just know there could be even a little hope, I just don’t know what that is. Maybe it’s the acceptance? Maybe.
Deaf forever? Sounds scary huh? Not really, or maybe I just don’t think about it. Actually, I don’t really think about the things I can’t do, instead I concentrate on the things I can and would do.



So my life continues. Therapies. Check-ups. MRIs.
I also go out of the house but not for medical purpose; I go out with my friends or my family. Gimikera on wheels. Haha! And of course, you can always see me in front of the computer; designing, blogging, chatting with my friends and surfing the internet. Just like a normal person. So life goes on.


In August 2007, my mom told me to do some research on the internet regarding my vertigo; since after having my therapy/rehabilitation, I still could not walk due to poor body balance. I've already regain some strength, my facial muscles almost improved, I can already swallow solid foods, but I still can't walk. I can't even stand without assistance. So one boring night I decided to do some research. I used the keywords: about nf2, hearing loss, tinnitus, vertigo, and I got curious about cochlear implant. So I searched about it too. Though I know that cochlear implant doesn't really work with an NF2 patient. I was just curious about it, that's all. Then more than what I was looking for, I stumbled upon Auditory Brainstem Implant (ABI). I remembered what my ENT doctor, Dr. Elmo Lago, told us when I became completely deaf: “Never lose hope, hanggang may tenga, may pag-asa” (As long as you have an ear, there’s hope). And incidentally stumbling upon ABI is a big HOPE! ABI is a hearing device especially designed for NF2 patients since cochlear implant won’t work with a damage auditory nerve due to tumors. I did a further research on ABI because I want it so bad! I really really want it! The sad part is, it really costs a lot and we don’t have that amount of money to buy the device and have the surgery done; Shinning shimmering 1 Million Pesos (kaching-kaching). But I want it! Nothing is impossible with God, you just have to pray hard and of course do the best you can. I kept on thinking of ways on how to earn and raise funds. I’ll raise funds, but how? Then I told my mom, let’s sell shirts! “I’ll design it!” In that way, I’m not only selling shirts, but also sharing my talent. We started of with 200 shirts. The demand increased to 500 shirts, 1,000, and so on. My hEAR Campaign caught the attention of some media; I was featured in some local shows. God sent me a lot of blessings and most of all He sent me as a blessing to others as well; I got to inspire a lot of people.

While I was doing my hEAR campaign, I was already having my assessment tests for ABI. I had an Auditory Brainstem Response (ABR) testing, it was positive. My auditory nerve is still functioning. Then I had Audiometric Test and my auditory nerve is still responding, but with a very high pitch sound, still the nerve is alive and kicking! Dr. Derald Brackman of House Ear Institute in the US offered to review my case and give his medical opinion when my mom emailed him regarding ABI (he is one of the principal author of ABI and also manages NF patients), so my mom send my medical records to him. His opinion was to have me undergo the Promontory Stimulation Test; this is a clinical assessment whether the patient could benefit from a Cochlear Implant (CI). CI is a less invasive surgery since it's done just in the ear, not the brain anymore. According to him, my tumors are already stable following the radio-surgery treatment and could see possible viable nerves in my medical data. If the promontory stimulation test turns out to be positive, CI could be considered. My Promontory Stimulation test turned out to be positive as well. Then I had my MRI again to double check if my tumors are really stable. And it is!

I had my cochlear implantation last April 8, 2008 done by Dr. Charlotte Chiong, a fairy godmother with no magic wand or pixie dust, an angel with no wings; just medical knives. Haha!

I heard my first sound on May 16, 2008, it started with a ‘tuk’ sound and my brain is continuously adapting to the sound of the environment. I can now say, “I can already hear the noise of the world!” Yes, I hear every sound already, I still can’t understand it clearly though. Soon. Soon. There are times I can recognize some syllables though, and I’m so thrilled every time.
Prayers really move mountains and God always provides. Those are the two most important quotes I’m holding on. If it’s really for you, God will give it to you, no matter what. He showed it, made me work hard for it and He gave it! He showered me with blessings. And yes, miracles do happen.


I know this hearing thing is just part of the struggles I’m in and I'll be encountering because of NF2, there are still a lot to "get better” from. Foods and things are the only "instant" in this world, but I don't think life is. You have to live day by day. All I know is I’ll get better. I'm getting better; little by little, one at a time. The best way to live life is enjoy it, and I'm enjoying! Life is the reason.
And so my life goes on..

- from Kcat's blog (http://www.kcatyarza.com/About_Me.html)

The Seven - The Key of Credence give away

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Claim Your Personal Power

Have you guys heard about the story of The Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen? Of course you did, it’s very popular after all. Well, in case you haven’t - which I highly doubt - I’ll condense the story for you.


The story is about an ugly duckling who’d been bullied all his life. Because he was extremely ugly, he was bitten and pushed and made fun of, not only by the ducks, but by all the poultry where he was born. Some of the humans too, would kick him and ignore him just because he was born so different from his duck family. When he ran away from home, all the animals he met would also harass him because of his appearance and yet he did not lose heart as he continuously sought for those birds that had the same guise as him, although after a long while, his hope diminished as he lay frozen on a winter ground. Then one day, when spring came - after all his misadventures – he found himself staring at his reflection in the water. He became one of those exceptional looking birds he had once dreamed of becoming. And to top it all, the people and other beasts called him “the most beautiful of them all.”

While some people only recognize the moral of the story as trivial as one’s looks, I appreciate it beyond that. For me, some if not most of us had been an ugly duckling once in our lives. Others, yes, might have experienced more calloused life than the other, yet it doesn’t change the fact that we all have been this tiny lost bird once in our lives.

When we’ve been adrift to what fate has in store for us, we struggle to the path we thought was meant for us. Trudging through that road, we experience incomparable trials we believe were unwarranted for someone who has done nothing but to struggle all his life. We watch helplessly as our friends and those people who had once walked with us become so distant, so far from our reach while we could no longer walk together with them since the road in front of us has come to an end, and the one behind us completely vanished with the mist of our past.

An unexplainable dark cloud surrounds us, and we’re trapped with this unseen intensity, forcing us to be stuck on where we stood. We waited patiently, so unwearyingly for someone, anyone to give their hands and help us to move along with them. Yet, as time moves, all the while enveloped with this stark darkness, our patience thins out and our hope… our hope starts to abandon us, leaving us miserable and oh so weak to even believe.

And then suddenly there was this new road before us, so different from what our friends and companions had taken, yet it led straight to what we once dreamed of becoming. Not the one we were molded to be by our parents, the education we finished or what the society expected from us to turn out into, the same way everyone expected for our little ugly duckling to grow – a duck. But time and destiny have something more in store for him than just becoming a duck. He was to become a beautiful swan and nothing less than that. And at the end, all the trials and persecution he underwent came into fruition because he was meant for something greater than any other ducks could wish for, and thus he claimed his personal power by accomplishing his desire.

Once in our life, we might have experienced becoming an odd one. The person who stood out in the crowd because of that “dreadful” difference. We asked ourselves why? Why can’t I just be normal like everyone else? And then we demean ourselves. Why do I even dream of becoming so wonderful when I’m just like this? It’s not possible for this little ‘ol me to become great; I’m nothing, I’m no one, I’m so stupid, I’m so ugly, I’m so poor, I’m not like them. I’ll just stay here and cry.

But I believe that uniqueness—when pursued and followed—will one day become an advantage, for no remarkable person would want just any ‘commoner’ to foster. They search for those who possess inimitable skill, looks, or talent. It might be hard, especially if it’s a dream no one believes you’re capable of achieving, but a road will soon be presented for you in guise of an opportunity only given to a few. And once you’re there and had claimed the strength within you; spread your wings, rustle your feathers, and carve your slender neck. For it’s time that an ugly duck becomes a beautiful swan.


Link: http://personalgrowthguides.blogspot....