Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 13
August 13, 2018
#Mayday
Our daughter Megan Vos wrote this blog after two young mothers killed themselves in their small community in the same week! She titled her blog #mayday.
Our community has lost two mamas to suicide in the past week. We need to talk about this; we’re fools if we don’t. I won’t pretend to understand the depth of depression these women struggled with, but I spent many nights in my 30s laying in bed, drowning in panic attacks and sadness and eating hopelessness like it wasn’t the bitterest thing I’d ever put in my mouth. I have wondered if death wouldn’t be preferable to that madness and if the world wouldn’t be a better place without my crazy in it. I’ve never been suicidal, really, but I have wondered. And until we bring this dark, soul sucking disease of depression into the light, we will continue to suffer in ear shattering silence. It will kill us. It is killing us.
Our community has lost two mamas to suicide in the past week. We need to talk about this; we’re fools if we don’t. I won’t pretend to understand the depth of depression these women struggled with, but I spent many nights in my 30s laying in bed, drowning in panic attacks and sadness and eating hopelessness like it wasn’t the bitterest thing I’d ever put in my mouth. I have wondered if death wouldn’t be preferable to that madness and if the world wouldn’t be a better place without my crazy in it. I’ve never been suicidal, really, but I have wondered. And until we bring this dark, soul sucking disease of depression into the light, we will continue to suffer in ear shattering silence. It will kill us. It is killing us.
August 6, 2018
Should the Lords Prayer Be Changed?
This is an article first printed in Christianity Today, July 19, 2018. It brought up some aspects of the Lord’s Prayer I’ve not thought of before.
The church has a long history of fiddling with the Lord’s Prayer and debating the right wording.
Scripture itself isn’t unified on the wording. The Bible gives us two versions of the prayer—also often referred to as the Our Father—one from Matthew’s gospel (Matt. 6:9–13) and one from Luke’s gospel (Luke 11:2–4).
Additionally, today we often forget that the last two lines (“for thine is the kingdom…”) aren’t from Scripture but were added later by well-intentioned churchmen who felt that ending with sin didn’t tell the whole story.
Then there’s the question of translations and traditions. If Matthew’s wording probably borrows a term that refers to financial debts in the original Greek, is it okay that many traditions say “trespasses”?
The church has a long history of fiddling with the Lord’s Prayer and debating the right wording.
Scripture itself isn’t unified on the wording. The Bible gives us two versions of the prayer—also often referred to as the Our Father—one from Matthew’s gospel (Matt. 6:9–13) and one from Luke’s gospel (Luke 11:2–4).
Additionally, today we often forget that the last two lines (“for thine is the kingdom…”) aren’t from Scripture but were added later by well-intentioned churchmen who felt that ending with sin didn’t tell the whole story.
Then there’s the question of translations and traditions. If Matthew’s wording probably borrows a term that refers to financial debts in the original Greek, is it okay that many traditions say “trespasses”?
July 30, 2018
Abortion – Is It a Baby or a Fetus?
A few years back, I began meeting regularly with a whip-smart, agnostic, Ivy League graduate, who was very liberal and we got on the topic of abortion. Of course he lite up with the well rehearsed claims of pro-choice people.
Shouldn’t it be the choice of a mother whether she wants to terminate her pregnancy? This is a woman’s right! What business is this to anyone else?
I listened carefully until he finished. Then I made this observation; “I find it interesting that when a pro-choice person is pregnant, if they don’t want their child they call it a fetus. But if they want the child, they call it a baby!
And, I’ve never heard of a pro-choice person in her 6th month, and showing, when asked when her baby is due, answering, “Oh, I don’t have a baby. It have a fetus.” I’ve never heard of a pregnant pro-choice person having “fetus shower” thrown for them. Of course it’s a baby shower! Just google “fetus shower invitations” and the only thing that comes up are baby shower websites.
That thought came as a total surprise to him. So I pressed on.
Shouldn’t it be the choice of a mother whether she wants to terminate her pregnancy? This is a woman’s right! What business is this to anyone else?
I listened carefully until he finished. Then I made this observation; “I find it interesting that when a pro-choice person is pregnant, if they don’t want their child they call it a fetus. But if they want the child, they call it a baby!
And, I’ve never heard of a pro-choice person in her 6th month, and showing, when asked when her baby is due, answering, “Oh, I don’t have a baby. It have a fetus.” I’ve never heard of a pregnant pro-choice person having “fetus shower” thrown for them. Of course it’s a baby shower! Just google “fetus shower invitations” and the only thing that comes up are baby shower websites.
That thought came as a total surprise to him. So I pressed on.
July 23, 2018
Should Christians Put Family Ahead of Christian Service?
Just last week on Christian radio, a Bible teacher said, “The priority for all Christians is God, your family and service in the church.” I realize that’s a popular notion with a majority of Christians, but I don’t think Jesus would agree with him!
“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29
“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29
July 16, 2018
I Don’t Care What People Think of Me!
A few years ago, I sat with a “successful” middle-age Christian man, married with three kids, who did not have a good reputation in our business community. After several people came to me about their personal dealings with him, I called him and asked him to meet with me. He attended our church and as his elder, I wanted to find out why these people were saying these things about him.
Of course, he dismissed their characterization of him as unhappy investors with completely unfounded reasons for not trusting him. He ended his defense with “I don’t care what people think of me!” as if his opinion settled it.
“I don’t think you really believe that. And as a follower of Jesus you have no choice but to care.”
Of course, he dismissed their characterization of him as unhappy investors with completely unfounded reasons for not trusting him. He ended his defense with “I don’t care what people think of me!” as if his opinion settled it.
“I don’t think you really believe that. And as a follower of Jesus you have no choice but to care.”
July 9, 2018
Our Heroes, Often Become our Children’s Heroes
Over the decades, I’ve noticed this; If their parents were people their children admired, when they grew up they generally mirrored the values, virtues and spirituality their parents did. “Like father – like son.”
The old adage is true, “Christianity is more caught than taught.” That idea used to be a comfort to me. Now it scares me.
The old adage is true, “Christianity is more caught than taught.” That idea used to be a comfort to me. Now it scares me.
July 2, 2018
What Is Marriage?
A question I get all the time as the chairman and CEO of The Center for Faith, Sexuality and Gender www.thecenterforfaith.com, is “Where in the Bible does it say two people of the same sex can’t get married?” My answer often surprises them.
Marriage is a legal option, but not a biblical one. The fundamental question that needs to be answered is this, “What is marriage, from God’s perspective?”
My co-worker, Dr. Preston Sprinkle the president of The Center, wrote this wonderful blog, answering that very question.
When Christians dialogue or debate the ethics of same-sex relationships, they typically start by talking about the so-called “prohibition passages” like Leviticus 18:22 or Romans 1:26-27. The discussion usually focuses on whether these passages apply to modern day, consensual, adult marriages. Or some people argue that the biblical writers didn’t know about sexual orientation—that some people are born gay, but the biblical writers didn’t know this and that’s why they prohibited same-sex sexual relations. If the biblical writers knew about orientation, they’d have no problem with two adults of the same sex getting married.
These are important discussions to have and all the evidence needs to be weighed and considered. But I suggest that questions surrounding the prohibition passages or sexual orientation shouldn’t be the first or main questions asked. Instead of asking, did Paul prohibit same-sex marriage, we need to ask the ultimate question: What is marriage?
Marriage is a legal option, but not a biblical one. The fundamental question that needs to be answered is this, “What is marriage, from God’s perspective?”
My co-worker, Dr. Preston Sprinkle the president of The Center, wrote this wonderful blog, answering that very question.
When Christians dialogue or debate the ethics of same-sex relationships, they typically start by talking about the so-called “prohibition passages” like Leviticus 18:22 or Romans 1:26-27. The discussion usually focuses on whether these passages apply to modern day, consensual, adult marriages. Or some people argue that the biblical writers didn’t know about sexual orientation—that some people are born gay, but the biblical writers didn’t know this and that’s why they prohibited same-sex sexual relations. If the biblical writers knew about orientation, they’d have no problem with two adults of the same sex getting married.
These are important discussions to have and all the evidence needs to be weighed and considered. But I suggest that questions surrounding the prohibition passages or sexual orientation shouldn’t be the first or main questions asked. Instead of asking, did Paul prohibit same-sex marriage, we need to ask the ultimate question: What is marriage?
June 25, 2018
Aren’t All Sins Alike?
“Clare, aren’t all sins alike?” That was the question posed by a guy I was meeting with who was trying to justify a serious sin he had committed. I replied, “Nate, I don’t think even you believe that.”
All Christians rank sin – that is, we all have a mental list, or hierarchy of sins. On our list, some sins are moral felonies and others are misdemeanors. Is that true? Are some sins greater or more serious than others? Yes! (And, I’ll explain why later.)
A second question is even more intriguing, “How did you come up with your ‘list’?” Evangelicals generally have at the top of their list rejecting Christ or bad theology, while younger Christians have, not living like Christ or caring about social justice issues. Conservatives have near the top of their list, abortionists, gays and liberal theology. For liberal Christians, indifference to the poor, hypocrisy and intolerance top their lists. Rich Christians often think the poor’s big problem is laziness, while the poor believe the rich are greedy. I’ve actually caught myself looking down from my self-righteous perch at an adulterer or divorcee and glad I’m not one of them.
So, I have a theory; most of us unconsciously rank the sins we’re the least likely to commit at the top of our list, and our own sins in the middle or below. Let’s talk about why we do that.
All Christians rank sin – that is, we all have a mental list, or hierarchy of sins. On our list, some sins are moral felonies and others are misdemeanors. Is that true? Are some sins greater or more serious than others? Yes! (And, I’ll explain why later.)
A second question is even more intriguing, “How did you come up with your ‘list’?” Evangelicals generally have at the top of their list rejecting Christ or bad theology, while younger Christians have, not living like Christ or caring about social justice issues. Conservatives have near the top of their list, abortionists, gays and liberal theology. For liberal Christians, indifference to the poor, hypocrisy and intolerance top their lists. Rich Christians often think the poor’s big problem is laziness, while the poor believe the rich are greedy. I’ve actually caught myself looking down from my self-righteous perch at an adulterer or divorcee and glad I’m not one of them.
So, I have a theory; most of us unconsciously rank the sins we’re the least likely to commit at the top of our list, and our own sins in the middle or below. Let’s talk about why we do that.
June 18, 2018
Does The Bible Really Prohibit Sex Outside of Marriage?
My good friend and partner in ministry, Dr. Preston Sprinkle (PhD in New Testament) wrote this blog, you may find interesting.
God loves sex. The first two commands recorded in the Bible are “have dominion over creation,” and then “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:26-28). In other words, rule the world and have lots of sex. Not a bad day at the office.
Whoever said God was some cosmic killjoy? God created sex and declared it to be “good.”
Within Christian circles, it’s assumed God only wants us to have sex if we’re married. Sex outside of marriage is one of the clearest, unquestionable prohibitions in Christianity. But where does the Bible teach this? Can you name a verse?
God loves sex. The first two commands recorded in the Bible are “have dominion over creation,” and then “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:26-28). In other words, rule the world and have lots of sex. Not a bad day at the office.
Whoever said God was some cosmic killjoy? God created sex and declared it to be “good.”
Within Christian circles, it’s assumed God only wants us to have sex if we’re married. Sex outside of marriage is one of the clearest, unquestionable prohibitions in Christianity. But where does the Bible teach this? Can you name a verse?
June 11, 2018
Making God Look Good
This Sunday is Father’s Day. Make it the purpose of your life to make God look good.
Years ago I signed up for a seminar on writing a personal mission statement. You know, those short paragraphs where you to try to summarize everything you want, and God wants, your life to be about. I found it tough trying to cram into three or four run-on sentences a lifetime of dreams for myself.
Then a friend introduced me to a phrase he’d heard Pastor John Piper use which captured perfectly the essence of God’s highest aspirations for me and mine for him. In an instant I knew it would become my new mission statement. (And I hope yours as well.)
The purpose of my life is to make God look good.
Years ago I signed up for a seminar on writing a personal mission statement. You know, those short paragraphs where you to try to summarize everything you want, and God wants, your life to be about. I found it tough trying to cram into three or four run-on sentences a lifetime of dreams for myself.
Then a friend introduced me to a phrase he’d heard Pastor John Piper use which captured perfectly the essence of God’s highest aspirations for me and mine for him. In an instant I knew it would become my new mission statement. (And I hope yours as well.)
The purpose of my life is to make God look good.
