Rebecca H. Jamison's Blog, page 22

Memory Jar Gifts

This is a memory jar I made for an anniversary giftWhen I was a teenager, my father used to tuck me in at night with these touching words: "Someday, when I'm dead, you'll appreciate me."  Luckily, he's still alive, and I appreciate him. Maybe because of his morbid warning, I want to make sure that my loved ones know I appreciate them before they die.

A few years ago, for Father's Day, I made Dad a memory jar.  I took strips of paper and wrote down short memories.  It was slow-going at first.  But it helped that I could write just one sentence.  I wrote, "I remember how you drove me to dance class." And "I remember us building the rabbit cage together."  Once I got going, the memories started flowing, and I remembered a lot more little things I could write down.  The whole process made me feel more grateful and more connected to my wonderful father.  I stuffed the little colored strips of paper in a pint jar.  And, my dad--who's notoriously difficult to shop for--enjoyed reading through the little strips of paper.

I wrote down memories of my mom for the next Mother's Day.  Only, this time, I didn't use a jar. I wrote my sentences down on notecards and tied them with a ribbon.  Here are a couple of memories I wrote down:
I remember how you wallpapered my room and ran out of paper when you were 3/4 of the way through.I remember learning birds' names.I remember how you would wake me up singing "It's Uppy Uppy Time."I remember playing car bingo.I remember learning to sew on my Holly Hobby sewing machine.Some of the memories showed how much my mom sacrificed for me, and others were just funny.

 The next year for my anniversary, I made a memory jar for my husband.  For this one, I didn't even use complete sentences, just little phrases that would jog his memory:
Dancing with the kidsArizona mountainsStrawberry crepesVisting the library togetherI've heard of other people starting memory books, where they write down memories in a notebook or journal.  I love that idea too.  I think the great thing about the jar was that I could write as much or as little as I wanted to.  The recipient could also read as much or as little as they liked.

Digital Detox

Being an author, I get to do fun stuff like blogging and call it marketing. I can also "market" on Facebook, Goodreads, e-mail, Twitter, etc.  I love it because I've met wonderful people, but I can easily spend too much time online.

It got to the point where my online activities were interfering with my actual writing.  I'd start to write a chapter, then I'd get to a hard part.  Instead of working through the hard spot, I'd do some "research" on the internet.  Before I knew it, my writing time was over, and I had only a few paragraphs written.  (So much for self-discipline, huh?)

We use a program called Kidswatch to limit my kids' computer time.  It works great because the kids hate the program instead of me. But I can't use it on myself because I know all the passwords.
So my mother-in-law gave me her old laptop.  (She has a new one.)  It has no internet access or games!  I spend my writing time on the laptop, and I'm getting a lot more writing done.  Last week, I hit 200 pages on my current work in progress.  Yay!

It's a self-defeating question for a blogger to ask, but I still want to know--how do you keep from spending too much time on the internet?

Do these shoes make me look younger?

I held up the comfortable pair of sandals I'd picked out at The Rack and asked my teenage daughter, "Do these look like old lady shoes?"

"Kind of," was her answer.  (Another mom beside me translated that for me into "Yes.")

I held up my second choice, a pair of neutral slip-ons.  "How about these?"

She picked up a pair of sparkly lavendar Converse sneakers.  "These would go with everything. Lavendar goes with jeans, so it's neutral."

I bought the shoes, and so far, I've only worn them with jeans and various lavendar tops.  They're comfortable.  They're cute.  But I don't think they're actually neutral.

(Disclaimer:  My daughter says I misquoted her.  This is why I'm not a journalist.)

I asked my kids if they make me look younger.  They said no, but I think they do.  Or maybe they just call attention to my size 10 feet. 

It's a funny thing about growing older.  People younger than me (people in their thirties) are starting to tell me how old they feel.  I guess that should make me feel old, but it doesn't because I like being forty-ish.  I feel great in my lavendar shoes and I care less about what other people think.

So what do you think?  Are lavendar shoes neutral? 

Pioneer Skit for Family Reunion

I wrote this skit for a family reunion, so the pioneers are all my husband's ancestors. Feel free to adapt it for your own purposes.

[Just a side note about writing this skit:  I had a bit of a geneaology poltergiest thing going on.  My mother-in-law asked me to write it back in October.  I wrote it, and I thought I saved it.  When I went back to send it to my mother-in-law, more than half of what I wrote was gone.  I wrote it again and sent it off to her, but she didn't get the whole skit and it wasn't on my computer.  So I wrote it again today.  I must have done it right this time because here it is.  Weird, huh?]

Family Reunion Skit
[On one side of the stage sits a modern-day parent with teenager.  On the other side of the stage are people dressed as pioneers.]
Teen:  Do we have to go to the Crandall Reunion?  It's just going to be a bunch of old people talking about family history.
Parent:  There'll be some young people too, but what's wrong with talking about family history?  We have a great heritage.
  I get so tired of hearing about the pioneers.  They're so depressing.
Read more »

My Easter Disorder

It has been a decidedly imperfect week for me.  The kids are on spring break, so I'd planned all sorts of fun activities.  We were going to do some home improvement projects, visit museums, and help some neighbors.  Instead, we've had three different viruses circulating among the kids.  Needless to say, I have not been the fun-loving mom I'd hoped I'd be.


You'll probably think this has nothing to do with the topic, but hang in there.  Lately, for research, I've been reading books about eating disorders.  I'm a perfectionist, a control-freak, and I'm sometimes mean to my body, so I can really relate to people who suffer from eating disorders.  Another reason I can relate is that I'm an American woman.  I'm guessing most American women walk around with negative voices in their heads.  You know those voices--they say things like "you should lose weight," "you're not as smart as she is," and "if you just tried harder, things would be perfect."  Why do we do this to ourselves?

The Easter catalogs almost convinced me that I was a failure this year.  I had this idea in my head that Easter is all about healthy people in new clothes picking flowers.   No.  It's not about that at all.  Easter isn't about being perfect.  It's about getting a fresh start.  It's about not having to be perfect.  It's about having hope even when things look hopeless.  How can anyone not see the message in the seasons?  Winter's bleakness always yields to beautiful spring flowers.  Always!  So I'm quieting the negative voices about my imperfect spring vacation.  And I'm reminding myself that life wasn't meant to be perfect.

Work or Play? What's the Difference?

According to Tom Sawyer, there's not much difference between work and play.  Work is what you get paid to do, and play is what you pay to do.  This definition makes sense to me.
Back in the nineties, my husband and I frequented a mall with a lot of escalators.  As we rode one of the escalators, we could see people working out at the gym on step machines.  People paid to "take the stairs" in a gym, but most were unwilling to take the stairs for free in the mall.  Taking the stairs was work.  Paying to use the step machine was play--or at least exercise. 

For me, work also includes things I "have to do," such as making dinner.  When I was a teenager, cooking was fun.  Now that I do it every day, it's work.  Actually, a lot of things I used to consider play have--without my realizing it--passed over to the work category.  I don't want it to be that way.  And I especially don't want my current playtime activities--like my writing--to turn into work.

Wouldn't it be great if we could turn our work back into play?  How do we do that?  I know part of it is our attitude, but I think we can also do things to help turn our work back into play.  Trying something new, adding fun music, listening to audiobooks while working, and working with other people all make my work more enjoyable.  What helps you turn your work into play?

Pump up Your Creativity

I've heard a lot of people say, "I'm not creative."  That's why I was really interested to read an article by Jonah Lehrer in the Wall Street Journal that said creativity is a skill you learn, not something you're born with. According to Mr. Lehrer, creativity involves a variety of skills that you use for different kinds of problems.  You use one kind of creativity to solve "moment-of-insight problems," another to solve "nose-to-the grindstone problems," and still another to solve problems with "mental restructurings."  I wanted to share the creativity boosters I took away from the article.

Getting tired can help you be more creative.Moment of Insight Problems

Sometimes all you need is one great idea to solve a problem.  If you need a moment of insight, it helps to do things that relax or distract your brain, such as:

Watch a Comedy

Daydream

Take a Shower

Play a Game

Get Drowsy

Get Drunk (I really can't recommend this one, but I think that must be how they wrote the 5th episode of season 2 of Downton Abbey. Just kidding!)

Surround Yourself with the Color Blue

Think like a Seven-year-old

Imagine Yourself Someplace Far Away

Get Out of Your Cubicle (literally)

Use More General Verbs to Describe the Problem (e.g. "move" instead of "drive")


Sometimes the only path to creativity is hard work.
Nose to the Grindstone Problems

A lot of times creativity means working really hard at a problem until you gradually come up with a solution.  To do this, you simply keep thinking about your problem.  Studies show that if you feel like you're on the verge of a solution, you probably are.  Trust your intuition.

Cultivating diverse friendships can help you be more creative.Mental Restructurings

Other times, to solve a problem, you need information that's not already in your head.  You can expose yourself to new knowledge by:

Having Diverse Friendships

Learning Outside your Normal Field of Study

Spending time in Bigger Cities

Spending Time in Other Countries

Talking about the Problem with People who aren't Experts

Your Tips

I've had a lot of great ideas while I was distracted in the shower or car,  and while reading and washing dishes.  What are some things you do that help you come up with new ideas?

WalMart Carts

My husband is losing it.  He's fantasizing about stealing a hundred WalMart carts and taking them to the WalMart across town.  He's also making plans for Cart Stonehenge.

We live within walking distance of a WalMart and a junior high school.  It's a bad combination.  Kids walking home from school often grab a WalMart cart to push their friends home in.  Sometimes they have cart races down a long hill.  Do the kids return the cart to the store?  Nope.  They park the cart in front of someone's house.  When the elementary school kids come home, they push the cart around some more, and said cart ends up on its side in someone's lawn.  Don't try to tell me that doesn't look trashy.  I have never seen a WalMart cart used as a lawn ornament in Better Homes and Gardens magazine.

When this first started happening, I put the WalMart customer service number on speed dial. When I saw a cart, I'd call the number.  But I noticed that the carts stayed there.  No one came to pick them up.  Other neighbors called the police when they saw kids pushing WalMart carts into the neighborhood.  The police were willing to help with the problem.  After all, the carts are worth at least $250 each.  But WalMart is too friendly to press charges for stealing carts.  They're also too friendly to put up a sign that says, "Please don't take shopping carts out of the parking lot and leave them in your neighbor's lawn."  Alas, they aren't friendly enough to come get their carts.

So what do you think we should do with all the carts?  Cart Henge?  Cart Triathalon?  Any other ideas?

Party Pictures

 Even though I'm a total party animal (ha ha), this is the first time I've had three parties for myself in one month.  Luckily, I only had to throw one myself.  My friend, Annette, threw a fun and creative signing party for me this weekend--check out the great decorations.  And, last weekend, my mother-in-law had a "Meet the Author" party for me.  I had a great time meeting all the people she talks about.  Here are the pictures.

This is Annette and me at the Signing Table Annette decorated.  She even made bookmarks.
My book title in Scrabble letters.  I love Scrabble.
Jane Austen-inspired decorations We had cinnamon rolls (of course) on a book page tablecloth.

 Here I am sitting with my helpers at the Seagull Bookstore launch party.  We had cookies and a lot of people came--though you can't tell from this picture.  Don't I look like a party animal?
This is me at the Meet the Author Party my mother-in-law had for me.  Not many people can say their mother-in-law is wonderful, but I can--and not just because she threw me a party.

Trials and Disobedient Children

Sometimes the trials that my friends go through are so huge and dramatic that if I wrote a novel about them, people would complain that those sorts of things never happen to real people.  Accidents and tragedies sometimes happen on top of other accidents and tragedies in what seem like cruel tricks of nature.  It always leaves me wondering how anyone can cope with so much stress.
 (Now I get to do something I've always wanted to do—change my friend's name in case this is going to embarrass her.  Instead of using her read name, I'm naming her after the old MoTown song, Bernadette.)
Dealing with a son or daughter who's making bad choices is one of the hardest trials a parent can have.  My friend, Bernadette, has been struggling with her youngest son for the past several years. Last August, he was in a motorcycle accident that left him in a coma for two months. Because of a priesthood blessing, Bernadette never doubted that he would recover even when the doctors predicted the worst. When he started to come out of the coma, the nurse told Bernadette that he would most likely be a vegetable.  Bernadette didn't believe her for a second. Slowly,but surely, he is recovering and at the same time, he's deciding to turn his life around.
During this time, Bernadette has also had multiple other stresses in her life.  One of these was when her grandson received a heart transplant.  People have been telling me how strong Bernadette has been though all these trials, so I wanted to know how she did it.
So what helped her get through the stress?  Last year, she had a thought come to her:  "I can't fast for 40 days like the Savior, but I can go to the temple for forty days."  So that's what she did.  Going to the temple helped her with her trials, and it wasn't as hard as she'd thought it would be, so she kept going.  By the time the big trials came last summer, she was prepared for them.  During the time her son was in his coma and since then, she's continued to attend the temple every day it's open.
Of course, not everyone can attend the temple every day.  I certainly can't.  But I've learned from her example. If we're going to help our kids, we have to keep ourselves strong.  She shared with me some of the insights she's received about dealing with our children as they make disappointing decisions.  The following quotes and scriptures are from a handout she received from an Oquirrh Mountain temple matron:
"The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity.  Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold.  Either in this life or the life to come, they will return.  They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving Father's  [or mother's] heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain.  Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith.  Hope on trust on, until you see the salvation of God."
3 John 1:4—there is no greater joy than to hear that my child walks in truth . . .
2 Nephi 10:2—God will be merciful, and our children shall be restored to the true knowledge of their Redeemer
Mormon 9:31—Children should forgive imperfect parents, and become more wise
Mosiah 21:15—God softens hearts
Alma 39:1—Disobedient children need more time and resources
Mosiah 27:14—A parent needs to exercise faith when a child is disobedient
Alma 19:23—Turn a child over to the Lord
Doctrine and Covenants 31:2-8—I will bless your family . . . the day will come when they will believe, know the truth and be one with us
Doctrine and Covenants 128: 12—welding links=sealings, whole, complete, perfect unions