Zena Shapter's Blog, page 12

Free Story! ‘The Final Squeeze’

This week, I’m over on Antipodean SF with my drabble ‘The Final Squeeze‘.

A drabble is a short story of exactly 100 words. To write one is a test of skill and storytelling! Here’s the beginning:

Skyscrapers collapsed into the oceans. Meteors lit the Anderson’s faces. Their neighbour’s escape pod exploded above them.

“We’ll never make it,” Tilly cried, clinging onto her robotic puppy.

Read the rest for free over here!

Are We Destined To Do What We Do?

Last week, my eleven-year-old daughter came home with the news that she’d been sent to the principal’s office.

When she told me, I didn’t know how to react. The exact same thing had happened to me when I was her age – except for my daughter at least there’d been signs, so the school hadn’t reacted as severely.

What had she done?

She’d written a poem. A good one. Her teacher had been ‘mega impressed’ and told her to ‘go see the principal, because we might put this one in the school newsletter’. Of course I was proud. What parent doesn’t want their child being sent to the principal for good work?

On the other hand, I wondered what it might mean. When I look back on my life, it was obvious I’d become a writer. That incident when I was my daughter’s age? I’d written a poem and been accused of plagiarism.

“This clearly isn’t your work,” my teacher had said on reading it. She’d seen no signs of literary talent to that point – back in my day, we didn’t do nearly half as much creative work as my children do at school now. “Tell me where you copied it from, then write your own as you were told.”

“But I didn’t copy it.”

My parents were called. I came from a family where no one finished school. Mum and Dad already knew I was an oddity, and they encouraged it – education was the ticket to opportunity and freedom. Still, we had no poetry books at home and I hadn’t been to the library.

Finally I was believed. More than that: my poem was pinned to the classroom wall.

My daughter’s poem got a principal’s sticker.

Does this mean she’ll become a writer like me? She’s already won awards for her stories, as has my son. In a way, I hope not, because it’s such a tough gig. You have to constantly expose your self-esteem to rejection. Chances of success are slim. There’s little money in writing alone. There’s no off-switch. Self-employment brings risks and juggling. In many ways, it’s easier and more secure to be employed with a monthly wage, which is why I resisted being a writer for many years, working instead in publishing, as a copywriter, even as a lawyer.

Of course, as stories themselves often tell us, there’s no denying who you really are. When I was fifteen I wrote a 77-stanza poem for fun – who does that? My teacher thought it so good she made me read it aloud to my class (that one made me popular!). When I was sixteen, I established the school’s first writers’ group. At eighteen, of course I went on to read English Literature at university. Whatever made me suppose I could be anything other than a writer?

What my daughter will be, she will be, of course, and she has plenty of talents I never had. I’ll support her no matter what. Same with her older brother. Husband too, who tried not to be the graphic designer he is for a few corporate years.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll just have to live with the fact that my daughter’s poem is better and a tad more mature than mine at her age:

Owls & Hedgehogs – Zena, aged 10

Hedgehogs busy scurrying around,

Digging up food from the ground.

Eating worms, beetles and slugs,

Gathering up all kinds of bugs.

 

An owl lands on a branch in the park,

Then he dives down on a mouse in the dark.

“Yum!” he says, as he lands on the tree,

“That was a really lovely tea.”

Primary Dreams – Ophelia, aged 11

My last short days fly by like a white dove,

My last term slips away like cold wet ice.

The one year I thought I had ticks away,

My long primary run begins to end.

Memories I have made, ones that I share,

Those special days and journeys must start over.

Those friendships will not ever be forgotten.

As the long hard run to school starts again,

There are many allies and friends to make,

And many experiences to have.

My graduation sets me on my way,

As I then become the young one again.

As I sit at my desk writing this poem,

I know I will never come here again.

What about you?

Do you think you were always going to do what you now do? Does destiny call?

Writing Rockface: The Over Blight

As well as writing amazing stories (he he!), I run a full-time creative support business. It includes editing, mentoring, teaching, book layouts, and other publishing support for authors and publishers.

My last two posts looked at filter words and points-of-view, but today I’ve got what I term ‘Over Blight’ on my mind. Over Blight can taint sentence clauses or entire paragraphs, and at its worst can blemish a whole manuscript. It’s hard to know if your manuscript has it while you’re actually writing. First readers and editors might even pick it up before you do.

Definition

Over Blight involves over-using devices that do not belong in a narrative at a given point. It can include over-telling, over-showing, over-writing, over-explaining and over-poeticising. For example, this paragraph suffers from Over Blight:

A raging temper flamed through Mich as he heard screams come from the other side of the battlements. It felt like he was on fire. As if hearing his thoughts, the scent of burnt flesh attacked his nostrils. Nausea crept into his throat, tart like a gulp of mead that had sat in the sun too long. He could smell people burning. Friends? Family? He looked up to search a sky as dark as his heart, hoping to find the source – a fire, some smoke? Yes, there, to the east, a fire emblazoned the darkness, mirroring his rage. His father’s workshop was to the east. What if his father were still inside? He could be in danger! Mich gripped at his sword like the life he now wanted to save. If he was fast, he might save others too. He turned and ran under the portcullis.

At this point in the narrative, there’s no time for Mich to worry about his nausea, there’s no time for Mich to even think – it’s a time for action, not contemplation; speed, not hesitation. To communicate this situation more effectively to the reader, we need to show not tell the action, cut the poetic devices (however apt or beautiful), quit showing every reaction he has, and keep the sequence concise:

Screams came from within the battlements. Smoke carried the tartness of burnt flesh. Mich tightened his sword grip, searched the night sky for the glow of fire. There, to the east, near his father’s workshop. “No!” he yelled, and ran under the portcullis.

Symptoms

Stories suffering from Over Blight can be wordy, lack tension, and produce unsympathetic characters. Readers may find themselves skim-reading sections that are supposed to be dramatic, and therefore miss vital plot points and character development. When Over Blight affects an entire manuscript, the reader can feel underwhelmed and even bored.

Causes

Over Blight is caused by an over-focus on writing as an enjoyable activity, rather than as a communication tool. Most writers love words and struggle to silence the secret poet inside them. Their secret poet is constantly trying to reach into their narrative voice and spin words into beautiful new creations. However, it isn’t always apt to do so. In such situations, we must silence our love of words, and instead focus on the purpose behind every sentence, make each word work hard for its place.

Over Blight can also be caused by a writer not trusting the reader to understand. Their lack of faith results in an irrepressible urge to over-explain.

Treatment

To treat Over Blight, we must search our manuscripts for anything over the top for each scene – over-telling, over-showing, over-writing, over-explaining and over-poeticising.

Over-Telling

The popular maxim ‘show don’t tell’ teaches us that over-telling disengages readers and reduces mystery. Since the rise of television and movies, now social media, we’ve become a very visual culture. We want to be shown, not told about characters, so we can imagine and deduce our own conclusions about them. Gone are long passages at the start of stories, telling of a particular character or place. We want to be shown a character and decide for ourselves if who and where they are and what they’re doing is interesting enough to read on. We can do this by showing a story through series of events, actions, dialogue, thoughts and feelings, rather than over-telling it through exposition, description and summarising. For example, this is telling the reader Mich’s emotions:

A raging temper flamed through Mich.

Feeling words often indicate telling rather than showing, as they’re abstract concepts. Whereas this shows Mich’s emotion:

Mich tightened his sword grip.

From this concrete detail, the reader is able to deduce their own conclusions about Mich – is he angry, nervous or simply well-trained? It’s up to the reader to decide.

Over-Showing

However, writers can also over-show. We don’t need to know every single thing a character does or says. We can be selective and in that way communicate a far more accurate sense of who a character is and what they’re doing. Over-showing can ruin pace, rhythm and tone. For example, if your character sees their father’s workshop on fire, we can assume they’re worried for his safety. We don’t need to know their every thought and reaction:

What if his father was still inside? He could be in danger! If he was fast, he might save others too.

Unless such details have relevance to the plot, tension or character arc, we can cut them. Similarly, we don’t need to see Mich’s entire journey to his father’s workshop. This isn’t needed:

He pushed his way through crowds of people as panicked as sheep scampering from wolves.

“Have you seen my father?” he screamed at a family fleeing the flames.

The mother shook her head and herded her children past, studying Mich over her shoulder. Although her face was creased with worry, she possessed a calmness Mich envied.

This also isn’t needed:

Mich turned down one street after another, his feet pounding into the cobblestones, slippery from where people had thrown water over their homes, hoping to prevent the fire from spreading.

“Hey you!” shouted a guard, chucking water over a bakery shopfront. He emptied his bucket then strode towards Mich. “You’re going the wrong way!” His tone was daubed with disbelief. “Retreat to the forest!”

“I can’t!” Mich ran on. “I have to save my father!” He ducked down a shortcut.

All we really need here is a telling summary:

The streets were streaming with crowds fleeing towards the forest. Mich pushed past them all, pounding down lanes and shortcuts until he skidded to a stop outside the workshop. The cobblestones were slippery from where someone had tried dousing flames with water.

Over-Writing

We can also search manuscripts for over-writing. Mostly a smell is just a smell, and a sound is just a sound. Depending on the scene of course, this might be over-writing:

The scent of burnt flesh attacked his nostrils.

So might be this:

His tone was daubed with disbelief.

Scents don’t need to attack, and disbelief doesn’t need to daub. This is the writer’s secret poet reaching into the narrative.

Over-Explaining

Over-explaining can happen when writers don’t trust their readers to remember important information. This leads them to repeat information they’ve already conveyed, either exactly or in a similar form. For example, if Harry just offered William a year-long secondment in Japan, we don’t need to be told in the next scene:

William couldn’t wait to tell his family about the offer from Harry of a year-long secondment in Japan.

All we need is:

William couldn’t wait to tell his family about Harry’s offer.

Likewise we don’t need William to recount the previous scene in detail when talking to his family. Although this would most likely happen in real life, we can simply summarise:

“I’ve got great news!” William grinned, then told them the details. “Can you believe it?”

Writers may also not trust readers to figure things out for themselves, so over-explain the obvious. For example:

“Hey you!” shouted a guard, chucking a bucket of water over a bakery shopfront so it wouldn’t catch fire, should flames reach this far into the town.

Over-explaining can also happen in dialogue. My favourite example of this comes from Jeff Vandermer’s ‘Wonderbook’. Imagine two penguins are talking:

“I am a penguin, Bob, and as you know because you too are a penguin, penguins are covered in feathers, although in this case, feathers are almost like fur.”

Since both Bob and the penguin speaking are penguins, they would never need to have this conversation. It’s over-explaining.

Over-explaining can also happen when the writer doubts their abilities, so doubles up. In this example, the writer both tells and shows the same thing:

Fred was indifferent to William’s news. “Whatever,” Fred muttered, not even looking at William as he spoke.

Over-Poeticising

We can also search manuscripts for the over-use of poetic devices. In action sequences, such as this one, similes and metaphors can slow down the pace, so these are not needed:

tart like a gulp of mead that had sat in the sun too long
a sky as dark as his heart
a fire emblazoned the darkness, mirroring his rage
gripped at his sword like the life he now wanted to save
people as panicked as sheep scampering from wolves

Overlap

There’s some overlap among all the above ‘Over Blight’ searches. For example, ‘A raging temper flamed through Mich’ could be over-poeticising as well as over-telling. But a search for each of the above should help regardless.

Exceptions

Of course sometimes writers purposefully write manuscripts, or sections of them, with a leisurely pace or languid tone. In those cases, over-use of the above techniques would serve a purpose, thus would belong in the narrative.

Examples might include where the writer wants to create a poetic, historic, or character-specific voice, to give readers a break from intense or action sequences, or to show a character being contemplative.

Exercise:

Can you identify any Over Blight in this?

A buzz trilled into John’s ears as his phone received a text:

‘In labour! Meet at hospital!’

He stroked the screen, caressing it with the love he felt for Suzie, then slid it into his satin-lined pocket. His baby would be here soon. He couldn’t wait! He had to get moving! He buttoned up his jacket as fast as a catwalk model between runway sets, pulled on socks and shoes, found his leather wallet and hurried out the office. He was elated with a soaring joy. He was worried too, a serious yet delightful nervous energy coursing through his veins. This was their first child. He hoped nothing would go wrong.

“Baby’s coming,” he told his boss on his way out, hoping he didn’t sound rude. “I’ve got to get to the hospital right away. Suzie sent me a text message.”

“Okay, John,” his boss replied, looking up from his paperwork with a face as drained as stormwater, “thanks for telling me about Suzie’s text message. I guess this means she’s in labour? Wow, so you’re about to be a father for the first time? You’d better get to the hospital right away. Will Suzie meet you there?” John nodded. “Well, good luck with it!” His voice had the edge of tiredness, but John didn’t have time to ask about it.

He rushed into the corridor and pressed the lift button, jabbing it repetitively like a pestle in a mortar. Time itself seemed to slow as he waited impatiently for the lift to arrive. Even when its shiny metal doors opened, four people had to exit before he could enter. The doors couldn’t close fast enough.

Finally, he was on his way down to street level, one floor after another, like the layers of a cliff-face.

As the doors opened, scents of garlic, spaghetti, and coriander galloped into his nose from the café that shared the lobby, to maximise the building’s rental income and give its officeworkers somewhere closeby to buy barista coffee and muffins. Last weekend, Suzie’s friends had sprinkled fresh coriander on top their guacamole, making it taste like soap. John still wasn’t over it. His stomach flipped at the smell, as if in sympathy for the labour pains Suzie was probably experiencing by now.

Questions?

Do you have any exceptions to Over Blight to share? Let me know in the comments below! Need editing help? Send me a message!

Writing Rockface: The Point-of-View Disorder

As well as writing amazing stories (he he!), I run a full-time creative support business. It includes editing, mentoring, teaching, book layouts, and other publishing support for authors and publishers.

In my last post, I looked at filter words. Character ‘point-of-view’ or ‘POV’ is another writing issue close to my heart, because I love writing that transports me into another’s experience and journey. The more unique and interesting the better! But when point-of-view isn’t handled correctly, it jars me out of and disconnects me from my reading.

Definition

Character ‘point-of-view’ is the perspective from which writers choose to describe an event or experience. Once we have selected that perspective, we can narrate from that POV’s experience, but nobody else’s (not without first switching clearly and decisively into that other POV – see below). The main choices for POV are:

first person (I, me, my)
second person (you, your)
third person close or deep (she/her, he/his)
third person omniscient (all-knowing, all-seeing)

For example, if we decide to narrate a story from the perspective of Jane written in close third person, we can see, hear, touch, smell, taste and know everything Jane does, as if we’re inside her head in real life. We can experience everything she experiences. However, we cannot experience what John experiences. If we do describe John’s thoughts and feelings, without first clearly and decisively moving into his POV, we would be ‘head-hopping’.

We also cannot see, hear or know what Jane’s whole village experiences, or predict the future – because Jane cannot do those things. A third person omniscient narration could, but not Jane. She can certainly guess at what her village thinks, and she can guess at the future, but she cannot know for sure. To do otherwise would be to slip out of close third person and into third person omniscient. For example:

Jane was certain the argument had finished. But John still had another card up his sleeve.

We can’t know this about John. Jane could, however, guess at it from the way John smiles:

Jane was certain the argument had finished. But John smiled like he still had another card up his sleeve.

Symptoms

The main effects of head-hopping on a reader are disorientation, confusion and disconnection. In the above uncorrected example, we don’t know why Jane suddenly knows what John knows, and might back-track and re-read the text to work it out. That, however, would be distracting and destroy both tension and trust with the writer. If we head-hop into a POV for no apparent reason, it can also produce a lack of focus in the text. Again, this endangers the trust we have in the writer to tell a well-focused narrative.

Causes

Mistakes in POV can be caused by a lack of practice, lazy tension-building, or an over-reliance on the classics. Many writers enjoy reading the classics, many of which were written in omniscient third person. Therefore, even when writing in close third person, writers can be tempted to tell readers everything they know about their characters, both on and off stage, because they’ve grown up reading similar details.

But most modern readers prefer to experience a single character’s perspective at a time. We enjoy the intimacy, and don’t need to know everything all at once, as not-knowing creates an enjoyable mystery for us to discover. We love those classics too, but not the old-fashioned way they were written!

Sometimes writers can also be tempted to dip into omniscient third person to build tension. For example, they might want to use lines such as ‘little did Jane know that across town the chief of police had other ideas’ or ‘if only she knew how big a storm was brewing’. However, this is lazy tension-building and should be replaced with tension that actually derives from plot or character.

Luckily, as soon as most of my clients understand POV, they usually treat their manuscripts easily enough, or get help.

Treatment

Since every narrative needs a POV (and sometimes more than one), it’s not a question of eliminating POVs, but managing them properly.

Firstly, so that readers can keep track of the perspective they are in, the selected POV needs to be made clear as soon as possible, and at least within the first 1-2 paragraphs. Then that POV should be presented consistently. For example, if we’re in Michelle’s POV, she wouldn’t see what Paul does here:

Michelle turned her back on him.

“Ha!” Paul snapped. “That’s typical of you!” He glared at her before storming out the kitchen and slamming the door behind him.

Here’s the same scene with the POV corrected:

Michelle turned her back on him.

“Ha!” Paul snapped. “That’s typical of you!” His footsteps slammed into the kitchen tiles and out the room. The door slammed shut.

We also have to consider how POVs refer to themselves and what they think of their own actions. For example, if we’re in Johnson’s POV, he’s unlikely to refer to himself as Officer Johnson, or think of himself as rude:

“Take me to the wharf,” Officer Johnson demanded rudely, throwing himself into the back of the cab.

Corrected:

“Take me to the wharf,” Johnson demanded, throwing himself into the back of the cab.

Sometimes POV can slip because of extra information the writer wants to get across. In that case, we need to consider whether the information is important to the plot. If it is, then we need to convey it through our selected POV, such as by their inferring or guessing details. Just as we do in real life, they can ask questions, listen to others’ answers and read other characters’ body language, they can observe and deduce. For example, if we’re in Jane’s POV, we can’t know how John is feeling or thinking:

Jane put down her book. John was furious. He’d been assured the car was fixed.

Corrected through dialogue:

Jane put down her book. John’s hands were balled into fists. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“The garage assured me the car was fixed.”

Also for example, Wayne can’t know how being dragged feels for this cowboy. He can only deduce from the evidence.

Wayne punched the cowboy onto his back, then dragged him to his horse.

“Let me go!” the cowboy screeched as sticks and stones tore through his shirt to scratch his skin, drawing blood.

Corrected:

Wayne punched the cowboy onto his back, then dragged him to his horse.

“Let me go!” the cowboy screeched.

When Wayne pulled him upright, his shirt back was torn, blood seeped through the gashes.

We also have to pay attention to tone. Each POV should have its own distinctive narrative voice – with language choices that reflect that POV’s age and background, favourite phrases or words, and unique speaking rhythms. For example, if Georgie is a young girl she’s unlikely to use words such as ‘extricating’ or ‘incessant’:

Georgie backed away from the bullies, quietly extricating herself from their incessant teasing.

Corrected:

Georgie backed away from the bullies. Their mean voices picked at her like seagulls on a cream bun.

We need to watch for relevance too. For example, if Gill is busy rehearsing her lines, she wouldn’t even think to describe her own eyes as jade green, as this is both an external observation and irrelevant to her current concerns:

While Gill rehearsed her lines, a makeup artist hurried over.

Hairspray in hand, she eased stray stands of hair away from Gill’s jade green eyes. “Gorgeous,” she whispered.

Corrected by having someone else make the observation:

While Gill rehearsed her lines, a makeup artist hurried over.

Hairspray in hand, she eased stray stands of hair away from Gill’s eyes. “Gorgeous,” she whispered. “Your eyes are such a beautiful jade green.”

Exceptions

We can use multiple POVs in the same story if in doing so we broaden its voices or ideas. But we first have to be sure multiple POVs are needed. The best POVs are ones that reveal key narrative details to readers, advance plots or themes. Generally, the fewer POVs in a single story the better. So if a POV doesn’t have a function, we should consider deleting it. After all, what purpose would that POV otherwise serve?

When introducing a new POV, it’s then best to use a scene or chapter break to clearly and decisively indicate switches. Immediately after that break, we should state the new POV as soon as possible (perhaps even by listing the POV as a sub-heading), and ensure the new POV has its own distinctive narrative voice.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Highly skilled or well-loved writers could probably switch POVs mid-sentence if they wanted to and we wouldn’t even notice.

Exercise:

Can you fix the POV mistakes in this:

Major Davy led his best friends, Jane and John, into the pie shop. “What’s everyone having? My treat.”

Jane was happy at least someone had remembered her and her husband’s anniversary. Trust Davy to be so thoughtful.

John eyed the sausage rolls. He was so hungry and there were only two left.

Questions?

Do you consistently make POV mistakes? Do you have any exceptions to share? Let me know in the comments below! Need editing help? Send me a message!

Who wants a #FREE book?!

Giveaway time! My publishers are giving away three (3) signed copies of Towards White, valued at AUD$30 each!! They’ll send them to any address in Australia requested by the winners – so if you’ve already got a copy, you can gift the prize to someone else! All you have to do is comment with your answer to this question…

Q: In 25 words or less, which of these ‘Towards White‘ reviews is your favourite and why: http://zenashapter.com/portfolio/towards-white? Scroll down the page to see your choices, then reply to this with the reviewer’s last name, plus your reason. Don’t forget to include your email address so I can contact you if you win!

Giveaway closes Thursday 25 October, 5pm (Sydney time, GMT+11). Winners will be the most imaginative and inspiring answers selected from this blog, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Once notified, winners must message me with the postal address of their choice, so I can pass it on to my publishers IFWG Publishing Australia, so they can send out your free book!!

Writing Rockface: The Filter Word Infection

As well as writing amazing stories (he he!), I run a full-time creative support business. It includes editing, mentoring, teaching, book layouts, and other publishing support for authors and publishers.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve edited so many manuscripts riddled with filter words it’s time to speak up. I say ‘riddled’ because filter words can act like an infection, festering away inside text and weakening stories. They can cause feelings of disconnection, sluggishness, swollen scenes, high word counts and a hot angry redness (as in ‘read-ness’ – ha ha!).

Definition

Filter words can include the following words, and any similar to them: see, smell, hear, touch, taste, know, be able to and experience. Writers often use the senses to immerse readers in experiences we’re describing; however, that doesn’t mean we have to label those experiences. For example, in this sentence ‘saw’ is a filter word:

She saw clothes swaying on the washing line.

Since we’re narrating from the perspective of pronoun ‘she’, we are already watching everything she sees – we’re in her head, or ‘point of view’, and experiencing everything she experiences. There’s no need to remind readers of this through labelling the experience with ‘she saw’. We can also delete ‘she saw’ without affecting the meaning of the sentence, so it becomes a more immediate and immersive experience for the reader:

Clothes swayed on the washing line.

Symptoms

The main thing filter words do is put a barrier up between reader and character (whether fictional in stories or non-fictional in narration). This barrier distances the reader, reminds them that they’re reading rather than experiencing a character’s journey, and reduces possibilities for connection that might otherwise form, preventing readers from caring about what they’re reading. Not good. They also add extra words to the text, which increases word counts and swells scenes with unnecessary wordiness. The result can be feelings of sluggishness and drag. Filter words ‘filter’ the reader’s involvement in the text. For example, let’s expand the above example:

She saw clothes swaying on the washing line and wondered if she was in trouble. She remembered leaving the house that morning, empty. As she thought about who might have been inside, she heard a chair scrape across floorboards and realised, whoever it was… they were still here.

Without the filter words, this scene would be less wordy and more immediate for readers:

Clothes swayed on the washing line. Shit. She’d left the house empty that morning. Someone had been inside. A chair scraped across floorboards. Whoever it was… they were still here.

Causes

Usually the cause of filter words is a simple lack of knowledge. Perhaps the writer hasn’t taken enough or the right classes on creative writing, perhaps they’ve never been edited or edited well, or perhaps they’re reading books also infested by filter words. Writing is continually evolving and so we write very differently now compared to thirty, fifty, a hundred years ago. Modern readers want to experience the journey being presented to them, they want to care and feel a connection. Luckily, as soon as most of my clients understand filter words, they usually treat their manuscripts easily enough, or get help.

Treatment

The basic treatment for filter words is: see a filter word – eliminate it! Here’s a more extensive list of filter words to search for:

See: look, examine, inspect, note, spot, spy, notice, observe, realise, recognise, witness, behold, become aware of, detect, discern, distinguish, catch sight of, identify, perceive, appraise, sense, scope, watch, regard
Hear: listen, catch, overhear, pick up, heed, make out, eavesdrop
Smell: inhale, sniff, detect the smell of, draw in, diagnose, whiff
Touch: feel, brush, caress, stroke, scrutinise, handle
Taste: relish, savor, take pleasure in, enjoy, appreciate, delight in, enjoy, like
Know: decide, discover, wonder, ascertain, fathom, assume, grasp, believe, bring to mind, deem, gather, get, glean, guess, infer, learn, remember, suspect, think, understand, comprehend
Experience: can, permit, suffer, tolerate, be subjected to, face, stomach, go through, live through, take in, undergo
Be able to: allow, manage, bear, capable of, equal to, up to the task, have what it takes to, stand

Mostly, filter words can simply be deleted. For example:

It felt like it weighed a tonne.

It weighed a tonne.

She watched him lather the soap into frothy white foam.

He lathered the soap into frothy white foam.

He saw a grenade fly by and land in the foxhole.

A grenade flew by and landed in the foxhole.

Sometimes a simple rephrasing is needed:

Kristina heard a loud scream in the darkness.

A loud scream pierced the darkness.

He saw his eyes rolling.

His eyes rolled.

Sometimes, however, the sentence will need completely rephrasing. For example:

He could only see a few metres above to where the room’s light reached.

The light from the room only reached a few metres above him.

Jane heard a shuffling sound, slowly getting closer.

A shuffling sound got closer and closer.

From the wall he could still hear calls as the Watch screamed at him, but what was done was done.

The watch screamed at him from the wall. But what was done was done.

And sometimes other techniques will be needed, such as internal dialogue or actual dialogue:

He wished he were back in the Tower, where he could see above the clouds and far across the land.

If only he were back in the Tower. Its cloud-high windows gave a view far across the land.

John stared into the water. The creek looked cold. He faced ice that was at least three inches thick. He felt his body shiver.

John stared into the creek. “Look at that ice. Must be at least three inches thick.” He shivered.

Of course the more filters words in a text, the more work it’ll be to fix them.

Exceptions

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Filter words needn’t be deleted if they’re critical to the meaning or purpose of a sentence/scene. For example, when the character is reflecting on or highly conscious of their experience, or are themselves distanced or distracted from the action – feeling faint, just waking up, in shock, falling unconscious or paralysed/drugged.

Everything was pitch black. Straps held him down. He heard heavy breathing, then a ‘click’ and a high-pitched whir, becoming as shrill as a dentist’s drill.

In this instance, the character is not in control. The filter word ‘heard’ helps communicate that experience for the reader. Since it has a purpose, it stays.

He doesn’t hear the corporal.

In this instance, the activity of ‘not hearing’ is critical to the meaning of the sentence. It too stays.

Similes and metaphors can also be exceptions:

It felt like his body was rising up from the table, floating higher and higher towards the stars.

Here, ‘felt’ is a filter word. However, since his body is not actually rising from the table, it’s necessary to give the sentence clarity and purpose. It also stays.

Filter words can also be used when writing in distant third person, a style specifically intended to maintain distance between character and reader.

Exercise:

Can you eliminate any filter words from this?

Mich heard screams come from within the citadel. He smelt burnt flesh, realised he might be smelling people he knew, and it made him feel sick. He tasted bile at the back of his throat. He remembered seeing someone earlier, walking through the streets, flaming torch in hand. He’d wondered why, when it was daylight. He looked up to search the sky, hoping to discover a trail of smoke. It seemed like forever before he found it, then suffered a flame of his own – anger. It felt like he was on fire, as dangerous as the smoke he saw winding up from the direction of his father’s workshop.

Questions?

Do you use filter words by conscious choice or mistake? Do you have any exceptions to share? Let me know in the comments below! Need editing help? Send me a message!

Tips for Young Writers for Literary Awards @mosmanlibrary

Last Wednesday I gave my judge’s report at the Mosman Literary Awards 2018, held at Mosman’s Barry O’Keefe Library. This annual prose and poetry competition attracts budding poets, playwrights and authors from schools across the state, all of whom compete for a share in the $2,000 prize pool.

I’m the judge for the Senior Prose section (for high school years 10, 11 and 12), and wow, I read some amazing short stories this year! I was very impressed and entertained! These writers really made it hard for me to pick a shortlist, let alone winners!

Story topics ranged from the environment to war and soldiers, monsters, murder, slavery and marriage – even Donald Trump! There were some brave and insightful attempts at alternate POVs (points of view), and some beautiful descriptions of character, nature, and the weather. These young writers are really studying people and their interactions with the world, and their stories benefit from it. Some of the stories would compete well in an adult writing competition!

I did, however, have some tips for next year, and/or for any other young writer keen to progress. Here they are:

Add a title – I was surprised by the number of entrants who didn’t title their stories. Titles provide writers with an unmissable opportunity to be creative and comment on their story as a whole.
Check spelling & grammar – especially changes in tense. Read your work aloud to find the mistakes, or get someone/your computer to read it aloud to you.
Show don’t tell – I know teachers teach this in school, but young writers still forget: don’t tell me the sun is shining, show me a sunbeam glinting on a sword.
Spend time on your opening paragraph – use it to set the scene, prove your worth as a writer, and help readers connect with your main character. Then get on with your story in medias res (meaning in the middle of things / action).
Avoid overwriting – not every sentence needs to include an adjective, adverb or literary technique; and there’s no need to reinvent how characters experience smell or sound.
Avoid being too abstract – it’s brave to attempt to communicate something poignant or clever, but by not using ‘story’ as the vehicle to do so, you risk it becoming more of an article on culture or behaviour.
Be omniscient with caution – if you want to write through an omniscient narrator (ie a narrator who knows everything there is to know about that story), have a good reason for doing so. Among other things, stories are about connection. Omniscience chances severing that connection, preventing readers from getting to know your characters, understanding and sympathising with them. So it’s a risk.
Keep going – getting shortlisted is an incredible achievement. Keep writing, keep submitting – if you want it, you’ll get there!

Want more tips? I offer one-on-one mentoring and oodles of creative writing classes over here, for every age and level. I also teach writers’ groups, schools, festivals, conferences, hotels and organisations with all these talks over here and more. I love creative writing! If I had my way, creative reading and/or writing would form a part of everyone’s daily routines!

Judges, sponsors & supporters

Congratulations to the shortlisted entries and winners, and to those who support them. It was wonderful to watch you receive recognition and validation.

Thank you to the Mosman Library Service, especially Linda Horswell, and everyone who makes these awards possible! You rock!

 

15 Ways to Survive While Under Pressure

Have you ever been so busy with work that it puts a strain on your health or relationships? Like the well-known stress management scenario about holding a cup of water – you can hold a cup of water easily enough for a minute, but after an hour your arm will ache, and after a day you could do enough damage to merit a doctor. Like this frog. I’m sure he could carry anything for a short time; but sooner or later something will fall if he keeps going!

Well, today I’ve got some stress management tips to offer, no matter who you are or what you do.

As you may have noticed, I’m a writer, and writers constantly have to juggle their workload. Ever heard of the phrase ‘struggling artist’? That’s because The Arts isn’t a well-paid industry. It’s not unknown for artists to have several jobs, work long hours, diversify their skills and offer them up for hire, and seek financial support from those passionate about creativity and culture in their local community, all just to make ends meet. When a work opportunity comes along, we have to take it no matter what else we’ve got going on, which means we often go through periods of being extremely busy. And we still have to find time to progress our personal creative projects (which I’ve also blogged about over here on the CSFG blog), because being creative is why we’re artists in the first place. All this juggling can sure put a strain on our health and relationships!

Speaking at Harry Hartog’s launch, Sydney.

For this reason, when my novel ‘Towards White’ came out last year, and interviewers asked me ‘What is the key to your success as a writer to date?’, my answer was: “Determination in spite of everything, but not everyone”.

“Sacrifice and hard work will get you far,” I told them, “but you don’t want to be alone at the end of it, or for your health to suffer. Talent is nothing if you don’t put in the time. But you also have to put down the laptop when others needed help or attention, or to look after your health. It’s a matter of balance, of course. Oh, and chocolate and wine, definitely chocolate and wine.”

He he, of course balance is the answer!

But when balance simply isn’t possible, because we’re going through a busy period, how do we stay sane? If we don’t relax a little or have fun, we’ll burn out. Like the cup. Or drop things. Like the frog.

Last week, in a writing forum I follow, a member asked for coping strategies for when you’re overworked and overwhelmed but taking time off isn’t an option. Being a forum full of writers, of course there were plenty of suggestions. We know how to juggle!

The solution is to relax and have fun but in short bursts – which is why most of the suggestions could be fitted into 10-15 minute slots, my own included.

I thought the suggestions might be useful for anyone, anywhere, so here’s a summary of the best ones, including mine at the end. Next time you’re going through a busy period, why not set your alarm and schedule one for mid-morning, and another for mid-afternoon?

Walk The Block – walk fast enough around the block to get a little puffy. The change of scene and exercise can recharge you in 10-15 minutes.


Inspire Yourself With Art – spend 10 minutes sketching, doodling, or looking up some art of your choice for no reason other than to look at art.
Dance Break – put on 2-3 of your favourite upbeat tracks and dance around, or hula-hoop to the music. Give your adrenalin somewhere to go.
Meditate – the ‘Buddhify’ or ‘Headspace’ apps offer 2-3 minute work-break meditations.
Stretch It Out – do some yoga or Pilates for 15 minutes to get the blood flowing, or even just lie on the floor and rest your feet on the wall.
Warm Water – immerse your hands in a sink or bowl of warm water for five minutes. It’s not as good as a bath, but it’s less water and quicker! Alternatively, have a quick shower (if you’re near one), and then change your clothes so you feel like you’re starting afresh.
Boil A Cuppa – instead of reaching for the coffee though, try a herbal tea, and take the time it takes for the water to boil to think of nothing.
Break Down Your W.I.P List – break bigger tasks down into more manageable sub-tasks and do one each day so you make progress with everything. Knock off some of the easier tasks first, just to get the list looking slimmer.
Pat A Pet Or Person – cuddles solve everything!
Change Of Workspace – take your work outside and sit under a tree, go to a café or shopping centre.
Watch For Escape – watch a short 10-15 minute film, a TED talk, or part of a favourite television show.
Envision Happiness – think about what makes you happy, or plan what you’d like to do once this period of high-intensity work settles into a more manageable work-life balance again. Share your vision with friends and family so they know that you know this stressful period is only for a short time.
Forgive Yourself – as long as you’re doing the best you can in the present moment, don’t be upset that you’re overwhelmed, time-poor or stressed.
Remind Yourself – is the pressure you’re under really a gift in disguise? Perhaps this work will bring you more money or opportunities? Make a list of the pros.


Warm Eyes – my personal favourite, sit somewhere warm or sunny, close your eyes for 10 minutes and listen to your breathing and surroundings. It gives your whole body a break from working on the computer, warms you up (like a cuddle, bath or shower), clears your mind, and energises you too.

Have you got any suggestions to add? How do you stay sane when the pressure’s on?

Setting a Vision for Arts & Creativity

Inspire Creativity!

Last night I was invited to participate in a council think tank about arts and culture on Sydney’s Northern Beaches. Only a dozen participants were there, introduced to each other as champions of their respective arts, well-connected and dedicated to their passions. It made my heart sing to be described as that and meet similar others! I was there to represent writers and writing on the Northern Beaches, and there were others representing visual arts such as sculpture and painting, architecture, music, choirs, recording studios, film making, galleries, urban planning, and performance art. Amazing!

When I received the email, I wasn’t quite sure what would be involved, and when I first arrived I still wasn’t sure – there was a massive Jenga tower, easels labelled ‘out of this world’ and ‘I like it’, and we were asked to wear bandanas! 

We then participated in exercises designed to generate ideas and perceptions about the current landscape of arts and culture, how we wanted to see that landscape change over the next five years, and then over the next twenty years. It was exciting! We had to consider our responses from various perspectives including the economy, public places, participation, and health and well-being. I didn’t know I had so many opinions!! The end result was a clear acknowledgment that arts and culture could flourish in and greatly benefit our community, with focused support from both councils through funding, and the community itself through participation.

For me, this would also involve changing attitudes towards arts and culture, as my personal 20-year vision was for community participation in the arts to become part of everyday living, in the same way that sports and exercise form part of people’s weekly health routines. Self-expression and creativity is known to stimulate personal well-being and life satisfaction, and should be promoted as such from the ground up, starting with kids in schools. The Northern Beaches has a strong sports culture, as do other communities; but it could also develop a strong artistic culture, becoming a hub for artists of every kind!! Twenty years ago, soccer (football!) wasn’t really a thing in Australia – now every Saturday and Sunday the playing fields are packed full of soccer-players and Australia was in the world cup (yay!). There’s no reason why the same can’t happen with the arts!

At the end of the night, we had to offer up keywords that summarised our opinions and for me those were:

attitude
awareness
integration

The big question now is how. How do we change attitudes towards arts and culture, stimulate interest and participation, generate awareness, support and sponsorship (to the level given to sport stars and teams), and normalise integration?

I had a few practical suggestions from a writing perspective of course, such as:

include more words in visual displays of arts, be it poetry or short stories;
incentivise participation by increasing the number of writing competitions available for both children and adults, so there’s not just a single competition for the whole of the Northern Beaches once per year, but one per suburb every quarter/term, with better prizes, trophies and glory(!);
increase the visibility of activities already happening locally through better communication;
prioritise local writers for author talks in schools and prominent libraries to support them in their own community; and
as well as giving all children across Australia $100 voucher towards sports activities, as happened this year, also give them $100 towards an arts activity.

Do you have any ideas? If so, there’s a ‘Creative Mixer’ open to the public on Tuesday 31st July, 6-9pm at Park House in Mona Vale (RSVP to attend over here). There’s also an online survey you can take here.

After participating last night, I now have a vision of my community participating in creative endeavours on a regular basis to stimulate both the economy and individual’s sense of meaning and belonging; improve personal well-being and mental health by dealing with stress, anxiety and depression through creativity; strengthen community cohesion and connection; express identity and a sense of enjoyment. What say you?

Character Domination!

Characters, characters, characters – they’ve dominated my last few weeks. This weekend I judged the Mosman Youth Awards in Literature and was impressed by how well entrants got into the heads of such a diverse range of characters – young and elderly, real and surreal, abstract and concrete, monstrous and angelic, troubled and troubling. One of the reasons I love writing is because it gives me the opportunity to get to know a new character and explore a world through their eyes. And I love diversity. Yes, we all love a standard textbook hero – if we didn’t they wouldn’t be popular! As times progress, that standard changes according to our sensitivities, and always will; but there’s nothing like variety to help readers appreciate the humanity in all of us.

Supanova in Australia is a great chance to hang out with fans who really appreciate that, since you get to meet a full range of characters from humans to creatures to droids. I know I did! Here I am with a full of characters at Supernova Sydney a few weeks ago.

BB8

Yoda

Stormtrooper

Also a few weeks ago, I was honoured to launch ‘A Noise on an Island’, an anthology of short stories I’ve been busy editing over the last year. My writers’ group and I decided to challenge ourselves by writing a dozen short stories all centred on a singular event. We imagined a small tropical island where an abandoned quarry was making a strange noise. We pretended that, on this particular Tuesday, a group of specialists from the mainland would come to investigate. We could select any character we wanted and write from their perspective. Not one of us picked the same character! They varied from a deaf boy to an immigrant shopkeeper, a sailor to a barmaid, a policewoman to a military specialist. It was fascinating to put all the stories together and see if they commented on the event as a whole as well as individually. They did! Well done, fellow authors! Interested in the read? It’s over here!

Another collaborative project also came to life this weekend, when I launched ‘The Guitar Wizard’, an award-winning co-authored children’s book for 8-14yr olds about the importance of music – with a sci-fi twist! This is another short adventure book I sell with my writers’ group to raise money for The Kids’ Cancer Project. Did you know that kids’ cancers are actually very different to adult cancers? They’re not caused by lifestyle or environmental factors, so can rarely be predicted or prevented. Kids are not little adults, and cancers in their bodies behave differently, so adult treatments often don’t work or are too destructive for their bodies. That’s why kids’ cancers need their own special cures.

Thanks to fundraising activities, like selling books, The Kids’ Cancer Project has to date raised over $36 million to fund cutting-edge scientific research to unlock those cures. We’ve raised about $15,000 of that. Fifty years ago, survival rates were 2%. Today survival is 84%. One day it will hopefully be 100%! If you’re interested in helping out, ‘The Guitar Wizard’ makes for great reading, and you can buy it over here! The blurb is below and, talking of characters, our main character is a lion tamer!

‘Fifteen-year-old Emerald O’Shea and her mother, Catherine, make a living wrangling their lion, Dhoruba, who’s been hired to appear at a rock concert. But when an anti-music group, the Aletheia, send Jack to steal the rock star’s guitar, Emerald’s true calling is discovered. If she doesn’t accept the unwanted gift she’s been given, and leave her comfort zone, music and everything on which it depends will disappear. All life. All people. All existence. The entire universe as we know it…’

And what a character I found at the launch – a dalek in complementary colours to the book cover!

Characters of my solo creation have also been making an impact, with England’s heatwave bringing out readers with good taste (spot the copies of Towards White)!

Last week, I also got a wonderful email from a recent reader, John:

I finished reading ‘Towards White’ and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it. It totally transported me to Iceland (my first trip there, but I’d like to go back). You did a great job of concealing the baddie till the end. And I loved the science. How did you come to invent such great names for machines, and places, in such a very foreign language? Maybe you’re channeling Tolkien, who I think might have been a scholar of Icelandic?

Aw, how lovely! Thank you, John!

Next week it’s school-holiday time in Sydney and I’m teaching writing workshops at various libraries across the Northern Beaches. I chuckled at the way they advertised them in their leaflet: me leaning across the three dates I’m teaching, he he!

The council subsidises my workshops too, so they’re only $7 to attend – what a bargain! Of course, given the focus of my last few weeks, it was easy to decide what to include in the lesson plans I was creating yesterday – characters, characters, characters!