Brian Patrick McKinley's Blog, page 12

Tell Me About Your Mother…

In honor of Mothers Day, here’s an except from Ancient Blood: A Novel of the Hegemony in which Avery remembers his:

 

From the Unpublished Manuscript by Avery Doyle

 

So what is it with me and vampires, anyway?

Well, it started with my mother.

I didn’t know my natural father, since he and Mom didn’t marry and I’ve never been interested in finding him. I also never got along too well with Jim. But I was very close to my mother.

She was a slender, pale, dark-haired woman with a smile that was often described as “pixie-ish.” The things I remember most about her, aside from her affection, were her intelligence and humor. She had a wicked, exuberant sense of humor that carried her through even the worst times. It’s the greatest gift she ever gave me.

My oldest memories are of her reading to me from the large collection of novels and short stories she had in bookcases all over our house. She never read the kind of typical kids’ stories to me that most parents would, choosing instead stuff like The Once and Future King and Tolkien before I was five and simply glossing over the parts that I didn’t understand. She enjoyed fantasy novels but loved horror movies, especially the older ones. We’d watch the Creature Features on weekends and I grew up loving the old Universal and Hammer vampire movies. Then I’d go to the library and check out those novelizations of the classic Universals that Thorne used to publish, complete with stills from the movie and have her read them to me at bedtime.

Anyway, by the time I was in the fifth grade, I was reading Stoker’s Dracula and Shelly’s Frankenstein for myself—in fact, I remember getting in trouble for doing just that when the teacher disapproved of my choice in reading material. My mom came into school to defend me, which was not as small a thing as it sounds.

My mother had a form of Multiple Sclerosis known as relapsing-remitting which is characterized by bouts of worsening symptoms, known as “exacerbations,” followed by full or partial recovery. My mom had the type that never fully recovered after an exacerbation, so by that time, she was already walking with the help of a cane and became fatigued easily. Still, she came into school to speak to the principal and my English teacher over something that wouldn’t have even earned me a detention.

I had the greatest mother in the entire world.

I suppose I’d have to say that Mom’s disease was one of the defining elements of growing up. I was able to prepare simple meals, do grocery shopping and do most basic housework by the time I was twelve. We didn’t have the money or insurance to hire visiting nurses, so my half-sister Lisa, Mom wanted to name her Arwen or something like that but Jim wouldn’t have it and I were mainly responsible for helping her out. Jim worked extra hours and even got a weekend paper route to pay the bills. I sometimes had to help out and to this day, I hate the smell of newsprint. Later, I suspected that the asshole also used any excuse he could to stay away from home those last years. Well, that’s probably not fair to say—there’s things I’ll never forgive Jim for but I know he loved my mom and it had to be tough to see her like that.

In Seventh Grade, I was held back because I’d missed too many days staying home to take care of her. On her bad days, she was too weak to even get into her wheelchair, get dressed, take her medication, use the bathroom, or feed herself without some assistance. She also had difficulty concentrating enough to read during these flare-ups, so I’d read to her instead. Chelsea Quinn Yarbro’s novels, ‘Salem’s Lot and George R. R. Martin’s Fevre Dream were particular favorites of ours.

It always made me proud to know I was helping make things easier for her. It was never a chore or a duty. It was a true labor of love. She helped me take care of her by keeping my spirits up, creating jokes out of things that might have been embarrassing or awkward and making sure I knew my efforts were appreciated.

The summer after my second attempt at Seventh Grade, my mother had a particularly bad exacerbation and had to be hospitalized. Anyway, what can I say about watching someone you love die that you can’t guess? The thing is, as hard as dredging all this up is now, I was pretty numb at the time. When you live with the slow course of a progressive disease, on some level you’re always waiting for the last time, for that last downturn, while the rest of you accepts the symptoms and flare-ups as normal. As a kid of thirteen, I doubt I was capable of coming to terms with the fact that my mother—the brightest star in my private universe—was dying. I’d go see her just about every day and we’d talk and read and watch movies just like normal, except she had a little less energy and would fall asleep more often. I remember a lot of insignificant moments from that summer but my favorite memory is us watching Fright Night together. We’d planned to go see it in the theater when it came out but her condition made it impossible.

That was also the summer I read Interview With the Vampire.

More and more often as the weeks progressed, I’d come in to find her asleep or too fuzzy from the painkillers to talk much, so I’d bring books to read until she was ready. I’d been avoiding Interview for a while because a friend at school described it as “girly.” Mom told me that she’d loved it and I’d run out of other choices, so I read it and became enraptured.

I felt Louis’s grief and guilt over the death of his beloved brother, his torment at Lestat’s hand, his doomed love for Claudia and his complete misery at her murder more genuinely than my own feelings. As I sat at Mom’s bedside, day after day, I wept for Louis le Ponte du Lac and his ordeals the way I couldn’t weep for my mother’s or my own. To this day, he remains one of my favorite characters in all of literature. Of course, everyone else thinks Lestat is cooler.

I do know for certain that as that thirteen-year-old boy sat in that smelly hospital floor reading that novel, he began to wish that he would be given the chance Louis had. Deep down, he decided that he could live with the limitations, the pain and the hardship if it meant having the power to restore vibrant life to his mother’s crippled body. He knew he could live without the sun if he could have her young, strong and with him forever.

The last time I saw my mother alive was a week before my fourteenth birthday. The tubes that grew out of her and the colorless, shriveled figure that lay in her bed didn’t even look familiar anymore. Sometimes I talked to her and held her hand, just to give her the feeling of my presence but the idea of speaking to this cyborg that wasn’t really my mother embarrassed me. After a while, I figured I’d come back on one of her more normal days and got up to leave.

As I got to the curtains, however, I was nagged by a persistent, pragmatic intuition. What if there were no more normal days? What if this was the last time? I didn’t want to regret leaving without at least telling Mom I loved her, so I walked back and took her hand.

Her eyes opened. Those wonderful, soft gray eyes focused on me with recognition and a hint of moisture. Suddenly she was my mother again, alive and alert, trapped in a malfunctioning body. There was a kind of mingled joy and sorrow in her expression and I think that was when it all struck home for me. She wasn’t going to get better. This was what it had all come down to, all the happiness, the difficulty and the struggle, all for this.

I’d come up with a long list of beautiful, appropriate, mature things to say to her while she was sleeping, thanking her for various moments together, gifts she’d given me, things I’d learned but confronted with that loving-goodbye look, I felt a sensation like I had when my cousin held me underwater in the deep end of my aunt’s swimming pool. All those beautiful, mature insights disappeared. All I managed to choke out was, “Mommy? I … love you, Mom…”

She’d been having problems with her throat and could only nod, mouthing the words “I know.” Or maybe it was “I love you, too.” It’s hard to remember, because I didn’t want to look. I could feel myself getting ready to erupt in tears and, for no reason I can understand, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to take the chance that it would be her last memory of me. I know it doesn’t make any sense but I was so used to making decisions based on her comfort that I couldn’t make myself stop. To this night, it still bothers me.

So, I kissed her forehead and I left, practically running in my haste to get out of there. I’d killed her, you see. I was certain of that. That damn whisper of practicality in my ear that made me tell her I loved her. After all, everyone knows “I love you” is what you say when there’s no hope left and nothing else worth saying. My selfish desire to have it done with had sealed her fate. I knew that as I walked home and let out the tears I’d been holding onto.

I was right. The next morning, we got the call that Mom was no longer breathing on her own. Rather than “burden” me and Lisa with having to see her that way, Jim told them to disconnect the machines.

Mom’s funeral was a terrible experience, full of sanctimonious relatives who’d never bothered to help out while she was alive but now insisted on a Catholic service conducted by a priest who’d never met her. So it was all God this and Jesus that and let us pray and give it up for the Lord and hardly a word about my mom’s life, her joy, or the loss of her bright, courageous spirit to the world. I haven’t said a prayer or stepped into a church since.

After that, I started eating all the time, even when I wasn’t hungry. A few months after Mom died, I attempted suicide by swallowing some sleeping pills and an airline-size bottle of Anisette from Jim’s liquor cabinet. Everyone assumed that it was just grief and I let them go on thinking that, even after I started seeing Dr. Hanson.

In reality, I’d taken the idea that suicides return as vampires a little too seriously.

Someone Else’s Writing: Brian McKinley

Originally posted on Rebecca L. Brown:

Hi Brian! Could you tell us a little bit about ‘Ancient Blood’? What inspired you to write a vampire novel and what do you bring to the genre that’s new?





Ancient Blood: A Novel of the Hegemony is the first in what I call “The Order Saga” which, according to my current plan, will span multiple series featuring various characters that all share one universe. Similar to what Marvel is doing with their various franchises and combination Avengers movies, I suppose, though I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Many things inspired me to write this novel and I could probably write a lengthy article just on my inspirations, but I’ll summarize by saying that I wrote it because it was the kind of vampire novel I wanted to read and no one else had written it yet.

I think what I bring to the genre is a…

View original 601 more words

Motivational

Originally posted on Vampire Syndrome Blog:

A little something I made for April Fool’s day:










Click above thumbnail image to view in 1366×768

View original

Only Lovers Left Alive

Originally posted on Vampire Syndrome Blog:

If the Velvet Underground’s “

Venus In Furs

” could turn into a vampire movie, it would be “

Only Lovers Left Alive

“.

Pale-as-ice Tilda Swinton as Eve, at last the on-screen vamp(ire) I have always envisioned of her. Simultaneously old and young, ethereal and earthy; qualities even reflected in her on-screen visage.

Tom Hiddleston as Adam, the ageless hipster buried in 45-rpm vinyl and metal-flake guitars.

Eve and Adam

Both mentored by Christopher Marlowe, the ageless bard of Tangiers, immortalized on-screen by John Hurt.

Christoper Marlowe

The deserted dystopia of Detroit, where only the immortal stay. And a tantalizing hint of how the Motor City may yet arise from the ashes, in the foresight of Swinton’s Eve.

Their dark decadence of decay, upended by a visit from Ava (Eve’s bratty younger sister, played by Mia Wasikowska).

Eva and Ian

http://onlyloversleftalivefilm.tumblr.com/synopsis

Jim Jarmusch’s ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE tells the…

View original 80 more words

Real Vampires

xuemertie:

Though well challenged here by Anthony Hogg, this does provide some great fiction fodder and some ideas of how to use science to create a realistic vampire.

Originally posted on The Vampirologist:

Is there a scientific basis for the existence of vampires?

View original 3,664 more words

Female Characters: Good for Television, Bad for Movies?

xuemertie:

An interesting question.

Originally posted on Thinking Skull:

The casting for

Star Wars VII

is out, and besides everyone’s favorite former bikini-clad slave princess Carrie Fisher, there is only one new female character in anything resembling a major role… out of SEVEN. Throw in the original Boy’s Club cast of six and that’s two out THIRTEEN principles.

This shouldn’t be a big deal, right? There ARE women in Star Wars, just not many with relevant or speaking parts ON FILM. Oh, and the so-dubbed “expanded Star Wars universe” was declared null-and-void and not official movie canon, so apparently there ARE only two relevant women in the entire galaxy. Worse yet, those two are related and the younger one (SPOILER!) died after childbirth – because, you know, that’s what women do: have babies and die. Really?!

Say, isn’t this a J.J.Abrams production? What’s interesting is that his television programming (“Lost,” “Alias,” “Fringe”) have meaty roles for ladies and…

View original 251 more words

Kbatz: Dracula 2000

Originally posted on horroraddicts.net:

Dracula 2000 A Guilty Pleasure Fun Fest

By Kristin Battestella

The 19th century had Bram Stoker’s original Dracula, the 20th Century had the likes of Nosferatu, Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee, Gary Oldman, and more scary, sensual, or comedic vampire spins. The turn of the millennium, however, had Dracula 2000 – producer Wes Craven’s authorized revision of now dated camp, clichés, twists, and so bad its good delights.

Alerted by the amount of impressive security around her boss Matthew Van Helsing’s (Christopher Plummer) antique shop, Solina (Jennifer Esposito), her boyfriend Marcus (Omar Epps), and his team of thieves (Sean Patrick Thomas and Danny Masterson) break into Van Helsing’s vault, steal a dazzling silver coffin, and inadvertently unleash the imprisoned Count Dracula (Gerard Butler) on their getaway plane. Once the plane crashes outside New Orleans, Dracula quickly makes vampire brides (Jeri Ryan and Colleen Fitzpatrick) as he searches for Mary…

View original 1,362 more words

My Personal Vampire

In TV commercials for the latest medication, Depression is portrayed as a bathrobe with eyes that jumps onto a woman and makes her sad. In other commercials, we’re told that “depression hurts” while sad-looking actors sit staring out of windows and sigh dramatically. Most people know what depression is and think that they understand it, but the reality is that they know portrayals, stereotypes, and imagining based on their experiences being depressed. I don’t blame them, since living with any form of illness is something that can’t be imagined accurately without experience.

 

I’ve come to view depression as a vampire.

 

Not in the literal sense, of course, since dealing with a genuine blood-drinking creature of the night would be both more terrifying and yet simpler than living under the mental and emotional fog of real depression. Being a writer pretty much guarantees that I’m a self-centered narcissist, but in recent years I’ve found myself wondering how much of that might be the depression. We artists like to romanticize our failings, believing that in suffering lies true art or, at least, that our private torments might one day inspire an iconic character or poetic verse.

 

I have to believe that the depression is separate and distinct from my creative ego, since I remember my creative enthusiasm and pride as a constant in my early years but can’t recall serious depressive episodes before high school. The chemical transformations of puberty changed everything for me and, by the time I entered high school, I remember worrying about my sanity, believing myself to be a psychopath, and wondering if I might grow up to become a serial killer. As you might imagine, I was a blast to hang out with.

 

Depression is not sadness. That’s the first misconception that I’d like to try to break. Depression is also not a cynical or pessimistic attitude—though those can become factors over time. Depression changes the way a person perceives the world and, worse, the way they react. The reason I call depression a vampire is because it sucks. It sucks away your desires, your energy, your patience, and your passion. It’s not a comfy bathrobe, it’s a big shot of Novocain that leaves you feeling empty, exhausted, and without value.

 

When I hit one of my lows—and these things come in cycles, just like other biological rhythms—I will sleep for ten to twelve hours before dragging myself out of bed and still feel tired for the rest of the day. This will go on, sometimes for a few days and sometimes for a week or two. My mom gets angry at me because I’m lazy, which is a common reaction I’ve gotten most of my life. I’ve grown accustomed to believing that I’m a lazy person, and maybe I am, but I’ve noticed that when I’m really motivated I can work as well as anyone. Again, is this my depression or just part of who I am? I can’t tell anymore.

 

I’ve always had a temper. I inherited it from my mother and, while I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding it behind a professional smile, I’ve had some epic meltdowns that have cost me friends, relationships, and (one time) my freedom. When I get angry, my thinking quickly slips into the irrational. This irrational thinking usually serves to provide fuel for the fire until something as simple as a malfunctioning computer program becomes the evidence I needed to justify committing suicide. This kind of irrationality is also symptomatic of genuine depression, but it went undiagnosed in me for most of my life. People assumed that I was being dramatic for attention—which I did, sometimes, because I needed to hear people tell me that I was worthy of living—or they just considered me an asshole.

 

I think about committing suicide at least once a week, and probably more often. Not in a serious, call-the-cops kind of way, but in an oddly detached and intellectual way. I constantly debate the value of my continued existence versus the cost I inflict upon my friends and relatives. I am currently taking medication for my depression and it definitely helps. Looking back, my egotism and desire to justify my life’s existence with fame, success, and fortune is really the only thing that consistently kept me alive prior to my trying to get a handle of my condition. The medication is great, honestly, it doesn’t zombie me out but it usually stops my lows from spiraling down into the oblivion of despair and also helps keep me from getting hyper and keyed up the way I occasionally would.

 

My writing is honestly the main thing that keeps me alive. My characters, my stories, and my determination to see them make a place in the world are what push me past the temptation of a quick end time and time again.

 

The thing is: there’s no cure for depression. Managing it doesn’t make it go away. It’s always there, rising again and again like Dracula from the grave to renew its assault. Depression drains me a little at a time, dampening my hopes and slashing at my self-esteem. It never goes away completely. Sure, I have good days like anyone else, but the depression is still always there on the edges, waiting. Then there are days when I feel as if I’m walking underwater, where everything looks twice as difficult as it should and requires twice the effort. I search the internet, I eat whether I’m hungry or not, I call friends, and I look for some distraction, some rope to climb out of the pit.

 

I think the worst thing about depression is its ability to dampen your enthusiasm for the things you love. Writing should be an escape for me, but one of the first things I lose is any desire to write. I could read, but somehow even picking up a book seems like too much effort. It knows my sources of joy and builds walls around them, derailing me toward boredom and daydream. So I sit on the couch watching TV or in my office staring at Facebook trying to feel creative without making the effort to actually create. How many hours have I lost to this psychic vampire, how many days?

 

I’ve always felt this quote summed it up nicely.

 

I wish I had some pithy bit of wisdom to share with you all, but I don’t. My battle continues as it will for the rest of my life, but I’ve become quite the vampire fighter by now. I’m hoping that perhaps this look from the inside might help some of you understand it. What I will say is that if you know someone afflicted with depression, please give them support. It’s often a thankless battle, but it’s so much harder alone.

Interview with Brian Rollins

Tell everyone about yourself.

I’m a native Californian that now resides in the Denver area of Colorado. I have two awesome kids and huge Great Dane. I’ve been married to my high school sweet heart for almost nineteen years.

 

Why did you become interested in voice acting? How did you get into the business?

Much like writers do, I just wanted to do it.

I was always the goofy kid in school. You know, the one making weird or funny voices. In school plays, I was the one that volunteered to be the narrator. I read stories to my younger siblings. When I had kids of my own, I read them stories. It became a challenge (both from within myself and from my kids) to do more and more voices for the stories.

I did theater and improv, but had never thrown my hat into the Voice Acting ring, until I discovered podcasts. Specifically, the Escape Artists podcasts (Escape Pod, Pseudopod, and PodCastle). I became an immediate fan and wanted to narrate for them. After a few emails back and forth, I got a couple of stories. It was a blast.

I did some other freelance work: A couple of video games and a sales video. But then I discovered ACX, quite by accident. I filled out a profile, dropped a few demos on it, some of which, quite frankly, now embarrass me with their audio quality and my performance. And there it sat without me giving it much thought. Until a couple of authors found me there. Now here I am, several books later and loving it.

What’s a typical work day like?

Basically, I settle in to start recording as early as my brain allows. If I’m being good, I warm up my voice with some exercises. If I don’t, I usually have to throw out my first pass at a chapter. Depending on my work load, I’ll record some auditions. After that, I work on the projects I have contracts for. I record a chapter at a time, taking a break for water and stretch my legs between chapters.

I’ll record until I run out of material or my voice starts to sound different. After that I either edit what I’ve recorded or I work on highlighting my next project. By highlighting, I go through in MS Word and color code main characters. This way I can see who is talking at the beginning of dialogue. Most authors don’t put the dialogue attribution until the end of the sentence. That’s fine for readers, but it sucks for narrators. Highlighting means I can dive right in without glancing at the end of a sentence before reading.

If you’re really curious, Avery was dark blue and Caroline was dark pink. It’s stereotypical, I know, but it’s really easy to read.

Did Ancient Blood differ from your usual projects?

The book was far more “adult” than much of what I’ve read in the past. I had to strike a balance between Avery’s snarky tone and the dark material. Also there is a much larger cast than a lot of books I’ve done. Most contain one or two main characters and the rest rotate in and out of the story. Ancient Blood has a broad cast of characters that need to be distinct to the listener’s ear.

This is also my first first-person novel, which actually made some of the narration easier, more conversational.

Ancient Blood Audiobook cover

How did you prepare to take on the wide variety of characters?

It starts with that highlighting I mentioned earlier. I make notes and try out some voices as I go, trying to settle on just the right sound for each. A lot of it comes from the dialogue. How they speak often informs a lot about each character. Formal people tend to avoid contractions, whereas casual people use a lot of slang.

It’s also important to perform them based on where they are in the story. For instance, Caroline has a different tone throughout the book. In the beginning she’s timid, but grows in strength as the story unfolds. Also, she has a different tone in each of her diary entries, depending on her relationship with Sebastian.

Was there a particular character you enjoyed voicing the most?

As much as I want to see him die in a fire, Valmont was quite possibly the most interesting character to do. I don’t usually get to do villains like that. His complete immorality made him disturbingly fun to do.

Avery was also fun, since his voice and attitude are similar to my own. I’d like to think I’d keep my smart mouth, even in the face of such horrors.

Which character was the most difficult for you?

Flea and Jade Tiger. There’s a fine line between doing an accent and mocking an ethnicity. Asian accents are very easy for Westerners to butcher and make them sound stupid. You want to get the quality of it without going “me rikey flied lice” on it. I had to spend time wandering though YouTube to listen to clips of people from Asia that learned English as a second language.

How do you feel about the possibility of getting more vampire/paranormal jobs because of Ancient Blood?

I’d love it. One of my favorite series is The Dresden Files. Sadly, James Marsters seems to have those locked up (and he does a great job of it). I think the subgenre has the chance to break out the “horror” mold and move into other areas (like political thriller).

What projects are you currently working on?

I have a book that should be out soon, Glen & Tyler’s Paris Double-Cross by J.B. Sanders. It’s the third in the series (I narrated the other two as well). I am currently narrating Errors & Omissions by Lee James. I hope to have that on Audible in May.

Beyond that, I’m still auditioning for projects.  J.B. and I hope to start working on the fourth Glen & Tyler book this summer so we can release the Kindle and Audible versions at the same time.

You also do theater, right? Do you have a dream role you’ve always wanted to play?

I do some theater, but not as much as I used to. Every year my family and I do Magic Moments here in Denver. They create their own unique show every year and it’s a great non-profit that incorporates folks with special needs, amateurs, and professional actors.

My dream role has always been Tevye from “Fiddler on the Roof.” A few more years and I’ll be old enough to play him without make-up!

 

Thank you very much, Brian! Have questions for Brian Rollins? Go ahead and ask them in the comments!
In the meantime, his awesome website can be found here: http://www.thevoicesinmyhead.com/
The equally awesome Ancient Blood audiobook can be found here: http://www.audible.com/pd/Sci-Fi-Fantasy/Ancient-Blood-A-Novel-of-the-Hegemony-Audiobook/B00ICNQITY

 

Don’t forget, there are still FREE copies of the audiobook left! Just post or send your email address to get one!

INTERVIEW WITH BRIAN PATRICK McKINLEY, AUTHOR OF ANCIENT BLOOD

Originally posted on lmdavid54:

Hello, this is L.M. David. Today, I am interviewing Brian Patrick McKinley, author of Ancient Blood: A Novel of the Hegemony. Brian, thanks for coming today and I must say, I love your suit. As a matter of fact, you and our resident vampyre were seen talking in the hall beforehand – we caught it on our surveillance cameras. Mind telling me what that was about?

Brian: Nothing really. Preston just wanted to know if I would tell him who my tailor was, said something about a credit card, your name and him needing a new wardrobe…

L.M.: Oh, not again … memo to self, close credit card account.

Okay, let’s get started before he gets out of here and bankrupts me.

Q.  Tell me a bit about yourself.

A. Being a writer is probably the most interesting thing about me. I’m 38 year old and live in New Jersey, but I’ve…

View original 2,831 more words