Brian Keene's Blog, page 210

PORTENTS

Would you pay $30 for what I consider to be the best short story of my fifteen year career (a tale called "Johnstown")? What if for that same $30 you also got new stories by Gene Wolfe, Joyce Carol Oates, Ramsey Campbell, Joe R. Lansdale, Kit Reed, Tia V. Travis, Melanie Tem, Steve Rasnic Tem, Kealan Patrick Burke, Neal Barrett, Jr., Christopher Fowler, Elizabeth Massie, Nina Kiriki Hoffman, Kim Newman, Michael Laimo, Jeffrey Ford, Tom Piccirilli and Alan M. Clark? Of course you would. You'd be a fool not to.

Portents, edited by the legendary Al Sarrantonio, is a beautiful new hardcover anthology limited to only 1,000 copies. It's only $30 (plus $5 S&H). It won't be available in stores. It's available only from Al himself. And here's the best part. Although it hasn't officially gone on sale yet, you can email Al directly and request your copy now. He'll reserve one for you. Then you pay via PayPal, check or money order. Copies begin shipping next week! At this low price and with that incredible line-up, this book will sell out fast. Email Al at Flyingfoxpub @ aol dot com (and tell him I sent you).

Weekend Update

You might notice that the site looks different this week. That's because we've streamlined things. Post comments are now easier to read, and the sidebar is easier to navigate, with books for sale in one column and links to everything else in the second column. By popular demand, we also brought back the RSS feeds to other Blogs of note (and as long as we don't add anymore, that should prevent the feeds from crashing the site like before). Thanks to Kelli Owen, Mike Oliveri and Joe Maynard for their continued efforts wrangling with this site.

Meanwhile, here's what else happened this week:

Deluge continued. The Last Zombie #4 hit stores. So did Die Verschollenen in Germany. We got a look at the cover for the new edition of Clickers 2. Mike Oliveri and Christopher Golden both had important announcements. I offered a pretty thorough update on Entombed, Hole In The World, the Ghoul movie, and more… which subsequently led into our first controversy of 2011 and the Great Fucktart Debate. Among the (as of this writing) 101 comments are some gems from Jeff Strand, Scott Nicholson, Mary SanGiovanni, Monica J. O'Rourke, Nate Southard, Tim Lebbon, Bryan Smith and others. I soon learned the error of my ways, and decreed that from this day forward, fucktarts should be fucktards.

DELUGE (Part 67)

The hours crawled onward. Neither Sarah or Henry owned a watch. Both had used their cell phones to tell time. The forest ranger station only had one clock, and it was broken and as useless as their phones. There was no way for them to truly mark the passage of time. Even day and night was becoming muddled as time wore on. There was no moon or sun to go by. Both were blotted out by the cloud cover now. Still, there was light—a murky, gray haze that allowed for visibility. Sarah supposed that would have to pass for daylight.

Neither of their sleeping or eating routines approximated any semblance of normalcy anymore. They slept when they were tired and ate when they were hungry. Gone was the pretense of three square meals a day or catching a solid seven or eight hours of sleep. The only schedule they were adamant about was making sure that one of them was awake at all times to keep an eye on Earl and his friends.

When Henry had first arrived, Sarah had been grateful. He was someone new, someone alive, a fellow survivor. A fellow human being. They had talked non-stop the first few days. Henry had told her all about his parents and friends and Moxey, and about what it was like to grow up in West Virginia. Sarah had been delighted to learn that the boy had known Teddy and Carl, but was crushed by his news of what he'd seen at Teddy's former home. She'd told him about her former life, her family and her ex-girlfriends, and what she missed about them. They'd also shared survivor's stories. Henry related his experiences at the top of the grain silo, and Sarah commiserated with tales from the top of the Marriott in Baltimore. But after the first week, their conversation dwindled. Now, they struggled to find topics to discuss. It wasn't like they could turn to pop culture or the news anymore. There were no current events, other than the rain. And talking of news from the past served only to deepen their mutual depression.

Occasionally, they still got broadcasts from Sylva, the guy with the pirate radio station in Boston. But his signal grew weaker and his messages had become heartbreakingly insane. The man was obviously infected with the white fuzz. Still, his was a human voice, and those were in short supply.

The situation had impacted their hygiene, as well. Sarah tried to keep her clothes clean, but there was only so much she could do when there was no water to wash them with. She didn't dare use the rainwater. There was no telling what it would do to the fabric—or to herself. She brushed her teeth every day, regardless of whether she'd eaten or not. In an effort to further conserve their drinking water, she didn't rinse, and the toothpaste often left her tongue feeling gritty and dry. She still used deodorant, although sparingly. She secretly wished Henry would, too. The teenager reeked of underarms—a musty, dank smell not at all dissimilar to that of the worms.

Sarah thought about the worms a lot. She wondered what had become of them. They hadn't seen one in quite some time, and the sudden disappearance of the creatures left her unsettled, although she didn't know why. It reminded her of rats deserting a sinking ship. Was the mountain going down soon? Was that why the worms had vanished? And where had they gone to, if not here? From everything she knew about them, Sarah seriously doubted that the worms could swim. She was ruminating over it again when Henry spoke.

"We could build a boat."

"Hmmm?"

"I reckon we could build a boat and float on out of here. Just like I did in Renick. There's got to be other folks who are still alive."

"And run into one of those shark men you mentioned? No thanks. Besides, where are we going to find the lumber to build a boat?"

Henry shrugged. "I don't know. The tree, or maybe that shed out yonder."

"The trees, the shed, and everything else outside is covered with the white fuzz now, Henry. It's even growing on the tower. If we go out any farther than the top of the stairs, we risk becoming infected. We're better off staying put."

"Maybe you're right."

"What prompted this?"

"I'm just bored, I guess. Just trying to make conversation. You don't say much these days."

Sulking, he turned back to the observation window. Sarah was about to apologize to him when Henry suddenly gasped.

"Oh, shit…"

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Earl and them others are gone!"

Sarah jumped to her feet. "That means they're going to try for another assault. Come on."

Fucktard is the new Fucktart

Yesterday, we defined Monrozombi's popular idiom "Fucktart". Except that at least one person took offense at my usage of the word, because in some cultures, "tart" is a derogatory term for a woman. Now, in re-reading the entire Blog entry, I find it difficult to believe that anyone would think I was calling anyone else a "slut". However, since it has been pointed out that "tart" can indeed have that context, I'd like to apologize to anyone who may have taken offense from my statement that the hanger-on in question was a fucktart. I was wrong. They are clearly a fucktard. I hope this clears up any confusion.

Fucktart Defined

Earlier this week, a reader named Brian expressed concern that my fans might misconstrue a Blog entry I'd written and think that I was telling them to fuck off. While Brian's concern is valid and appreciated, I responded that I was pretty sure most of you guys understood the type of person who could "fuck off". To whit: the hangers-on, the users, the peers who contact me only when they need something (like a blurb, introduction, reading slot at Horrorfind, mention here on the site, etc.) Or, to put an even finer point on it, people like Amy Grech.

The following exchange is from just a few moments ago on Twitter:

Amy: @BrianKeene I'd appreciate a follow back.

Me: @amy_grech Sorry. I just follow close personal friends and business associates. Otherwise, my feed would be overfilled and useless.

Amy: @BrianKeene You just lost a follower, then…

Me: @amy_grech How about we just skip to the part where I tell you to go fuck yourself, then?

Amy: @BrianKeene Not cool! Now you just lost a fan!!

Me: Block User

So, please note. My Twitter account is still used for the same three things it has always been used for:

1. To entertain my readers and get information to them promptly.

2. To stay in touch with close, personal friends.

3. To stay in touch with business associates.

If you are not a close personal friend or business associate, and don't normally speak to me unless you need something, and are following me simply so I'll follow you back… and you're going to get pissy about it when I politely decline, then you are, in fact, exactly the sort of fucktart I was referring to earlier in the week. Hope this clears everything up.

Update: I see that, in an apparent effort at damage control, her original Tweet has been deleted, and this was added:

Amy: @MariAdkins I used to hang with him at conventions. Guess I'm not cool enough for him to follow, let alone talk to anymore…

If by "hang with him at conventions" you mean walk up, interrupt conversations and harangue me to read your book, write you a blurb, introduce you to an editor, then yes, I suppose we were close personal friends and talked all the time.

THE LAST ZOMBIE #4

The Last Zombie #4 is available today wherever comic books are sold. If you don't have a comic book store near you, click the cover image to order it directly from the publisher.

As their journey across the post-apocalyptic American landscape continues, Ian, Warner and the rest of the team must decide whether or not they can help a colony of lepers who have survived the zombie outbreak. But leprosy is the least of their worries when a roving army of marauders decides to attack!

DIE VERSCHOLLENEN

Die Verschollenen is available now in Germany and Austria wherever books are sold (from Heyne). Click here to order online. Die Verschollenen was published in the U.S. and Canada as Castaways. It is a tribute of sorts to the late, great Richard Laymon. German reviewers say that "Brian Keene ist der neue Richard Laymon" and who are we to argue with that? Special thanks to my German audience, who are just as loyal and gracious as my American readers.

Coming Attractions: Clickers II

As you know, beginning later this month, Deadite Press will be bringing most of my books back into print. Over the next few weeks, we'll be giving you a sneak peek at some of the new covers. For example, check out the cover blurb at the bottom of this new edition of Clickers II…

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F.A.Q. Entombed and Others

Digging into the mailbag to answer some recent frequently asked questions.

Q: When will your books be back in print? Will there be digital editions?

A: Sweet Jesus, don't you people read this Blog? Here's the answer.

Q: What's going on with Entombed?

A: Entombed, a novel set in the world of Dead Sea, was sold to a small press publisher in-between the Leisure meltdown and my new deal with Deadite Press. It will be released this year as a signed, limited edition hardcover. There are no plans at this point to release it in any other format. Therefore, if you want to read Entombed, save your money now (I'm warning you ahead of time). I don't know what the price will be, but if you can set fifty bucks aside, you should be good.

Q: What's going on with The Witching Tree?

A: It's almost done. Should have it finished by Friday, in fact. This is a new novella featuring Levi Stoltzfus. It will appear in a small press anthology later this year.

Q: What are you working on right now?

A: More than one thing. In addition to finishing up The Witching Tree, I'm also working on Hollow Inside (for Apex), Binky (for KHP), Hole In the World (a new novel), and The Last Zombie: Inferno. This is all basically catch-up from last year. I recently found myself single again (we remain friends, and that's all I'm going to say about it, so be respectful of both Mary and myself and stop with the personal inquiries), but the good news is that gives me more time to write. Indeed, my plan for this year is very simple: 1. Write. 2. Spend time with my sons. 3. Everything else, including the genre and industry that everybody expects me to prop up once again, can go fuck itself. These shoulders are closed. Find somebody else to support the weight.

Q: What are you working on after you finish those?

A: Short Term: Clickers vs. Zombies (novel), Alone (novella), Stalkers (novel), and The Last Zombie: Two Types of Dead. Long Term: Vanishing Point (novel), Suburban Gothic (novel), With Teeth (novel), The Seven (novel) and The Last Zombie: Eat the Rich.

Q: What's going on with the movies?

A: Ghoul begins filming in May. And there may be some news on Dark Hollow soon.

Q: Will Deluge be published when it is finished?

A: Of course. Deluge will end by this summer (we just started the final segment last week). The plan after that is as follows: the hardcover will be released as part of the Maelstrom imprint (probably the third set). And approximately one year after that, Deadite will release it in trade paperback and eBook.

Q: Why don't you answer email or phone calls promptly?

A: Because, on average, I get around 100 emails a day. About half of those are business. The other half are from folks who didn't follow the instructions found here on the Contact Page. I don't get paid to answer my email. I get paid to write books. So I answer email when I can. The same rule applies to phone calls.

This Week's Plugs

1. Mike Oliveri has a new short story called "Inazuma" available for free download. Click here to read it.

2. Christopher Golden says: "As some of you know I have been selling Glenn Chadbourne's ORIGINAL art pages for two upcoming projects *on Glenn's behalf.*  There are three pieces remaining for sale from the upcoming (still in progress) Bloodstained Wonderland by me and James A. Moore, with art of course, by Glenn.  And there are nine pieces still available from the (also still in progress) novel Fresh Kill, also by Jim and me, with art by Glenn. This really is a fantastic opportunity to own original art by the amazing Mr. Chadbourne at prices that I honestly think are absurdly low.  $150.00 per piece.  It's a hell of a deal, and every penny goes into Glenn's pocket at a time when he, like many of us, can really use it. If you're interested, e-mail me at crdg@comcast.net I'll send you the available images.  First come, first served."