Brian Keene's Blog, page 205

Catherine Mary Stewart cast in GHOUL

As always, I'm limited in what I can say about the forthcoming film version of Ghoul. However, I can tell you that Catherine Mary Stewart (Night of the Comet, Weekend At Bernie's, The Last Starfighter) has been cast. You can read about it here and here.

I will be on set in Baton Rouge most of April and May, and also traveling to World Horror in Austin and Mo*Con in Indianapolis, and quite possibly engaged in a full-scale nuclear war with a certain publisher who doesn't seem to understand that we've broken up. As a result, things might be a bit slow here. Your best bet for keeping up to date with me will be via Twitter. I'll also post what set pics I can on TwitPic.

TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME – ON SALE NOW

All across the world, millions of people vanish in an instant. Steve, Charlie and Frank were on their way home when it happened. Now they find themselves left behind as civilization collapses around them. They must travel through a nightmarish post-apocalyptic landscape in search of answers. Deadite Press is proud to bring Brian Keene's critically-acclaimed masterpiece Take The Long Way Home back into print. Contains an introduction by New York Times bestselling author John Skipp. $7 CLICK HERE TO ORDER.

And don't forget, new editions of Jack's Magic Beans, Urban Gothic, Clickers, and Clickers II are also on sale now.

Horrorfind Weekend 2011 Update

Christopher Golden and Tim Lebbon will be two of the Literary Special Guests this year. This is a rare U.S. signing for Tim, so we expect high turnout. More guests to be announced soon. Also, the author programming schedule is now full. In a few more weeks, I will have a preliminary schedule for those authors who expressed interest in participating. For complete details on the convention, click here.

The Week in Review

Instead of a new Deluge chapter, you got a new free short story instead, as part of The Secret Life of Laird Barron celebration. We also got a sneak peek at the cover for the forthcoming Deadite Press edition of Take The Long Way Home. The contest for To Fight With Monsters has been extended. I had to regretfully cancel my WonderCon appearance, due to some unforeseen family obligations. Russ Dickerson and Nick Mamatas blogged some things you should check out. And finally, Keenedom moderator Brandon and his lovely wife Angela (who met via the forum) had a baby! Congrats to all three. And speaking of babies, Turtle turns three this weekend, so I'll be off-line, doing Daddy stuff. You kids behave.

Today's Required Reading (Updated)

It's Friday. If you are looking for the latest Deluge installment, you got a free short-story instead, in celebration of The Secret Life of Laird Barron. But if you read that already, here are some alternatives.

Russell Dickerson goes step-by-step through how he created the covers for A Gathering of Crows, The Rising: Deliverance, and Kelli Owen's Six Days. Fascinating stuff, especially if you enjoy learning about the creative process of other artists.

Nick Mamatas reveals how one particularly annoying marketer is hijacking CNN's iReport feature to post spam for his various author clients, the latest of which is a "press release" for Richard Godwin's Apostle Rising. He is then deluged with anonymous attacks from supposed "readers" who don't seem to grasp that he wasn't attacking the author, but simply pointing out a) the fallacy of CNN's iReport system and b) how inept this marketer is.

That should keep you busy until tomorrow. I'll be busy, too. Although the digital rights for all of my former Leisure/Dorchester titles reverted back to me on January 1st, 2011, in the months since then, Leisure digital editions have appeared on Kindle, Nook, Sony, and now iBooks. Leisure claims "it must be a glitch". I'll be busy today planning an appropriate response for what is, at this point, clear fraud or at least stunning incompetence. More on that next week…

Update: It looks like you guys got started early. Have I told you lately that I love you?

Today's Required Reading

It's Friday. If you are looking for the latest Deluge installment, you got a free short-story instead, in celebration of The Secret Life of Laird Barron. But if you read that already, here are some alternatives. Russell Dickerson goes step-by-step through how he created the covers for A Gathering of Crows, The Rising: Deliverance, and Kelli Owen's Six Days. Fascinating stuff, especially if you enjoy learning about the creative process of other artists. Nick Mamatas reveals how one particularly annoying marketer is hijacking CNN's iReport feature to post spam for his various author clients, the latest of which is a "press release" for Richard Godwin's Apostle Rising. He is then deluged with anonymous attacks from supposed "readers" who don't seem to grasp that he wasn't attacking the author, but simply pointing out a) the fallacy of CNN's iReport system and b) how annoying this marketer is. That should keep you busy until tomorrow. I'll be busy, too. Although the digital rights for all of my former Leisure/Dorchester titles reverted back to me on January 1st, 2011, in the months since then, Leisure digital editions have appeared on Kindle, Nook, Sony, and iBooks. Leisure claims "it must be a glitch". Of course, I won't be paid for any of the copies that have sold, so I'll be busy today planning an appropriate response for what is, at this point, clear fraud or at least stunning incompetence. More on that next week…

WonderCon Cancellation

Due to a family commitment, I will be unable to appear at WonderCon as scheduled. I will be back out that way later this year (date to be determined). For an updated list of where I'm appearing this year, click here.

And lo, a child was born unto The Keenedom

Brandon and Angela met via The Keenedom. They started dating, and then got married. Today they announced the birth of Sawyer Tennyson Ramsey (9 pounds, 2 ounces). Brandon reports that both Angela and Sawyer are doing fine. Congratulations to all three! I love you, guys (even if Brandon stood me up to play golf…)

Fear & Loathing in Alaska

Several years ago, a number of genre authors banded together for 'KILL JACK HARINGA ON YOUR BLOG DAY'. The results were collected in an anthology. Last year, the gang did it again for 'KILL BRIAN KEENE ON YOUR BLOG DAY'. This year, we're going for something a little different: 'THE SECRET LIFE OF LAIRD BARRON'. For complete links to all of the stories as they appear throughout the day, see John Langan's LiveJournal.

* * *

We were twenty miles north of British Columbia, racing toward Ketchikan, Alaska on a runaway dog sled while Sarah Palin, a mange-ridden Wendigo, and a dozen angry Canadians gave chase, howling obscenities in our wake like a pack of un-medicated Nickolaus Pacione clones, when I realized that I was out of whiskey.

"Do something, Keene." Laird gritted his teeth as he struggled with our mutinous dogs. "This whole thing is your fault!"

I stared mournfully at the jumble of empty Knob Creek and Basil Hayden bottles at my feet, and then began tossing them overboard. Palin and the Wendigo dodged, but the Canadians stumbled and fell, as their kind normally do on any given Friday night. Canadians drink Moosehead, a horrendous, mind-rotting swill that makes you post nonsensical drivel on Shocklines, but also eradicates your equilibrium, which I was very grateful for at that moment. The Canadians picked themselves up and shook their fists, receding into the glare of the sun on the snow. Laughing, I gave them the finger and unleashed another barrage.

"Don't do that," Laird hollered. "You're littering. Do something else."

"Sweet Jesus," I cried, wishing I had brought Mamatas, Lansdale, Wrath, or Coop along on this caper instead. Like myself, all four were professional writers and handy in certain unorthodox situations, and I currently had need of their abilities. Mamatas could have used some of his didactic debate Mojo on Palin. Lansdale could have beaten them up with nothing more than his eyebrows and perhaps one pinkie finger. Coop could have put a grouping of six holes through the Wendigo's chest at seventy-five yards with a Kimber .45. And all Wrath had to do was walk up to our pursuers and say "Hello", and they would have run away in fright. Instead, I'd been saddled with our generation's version of Robert E. Howard. Not that Barron's literary style was anything like Howard's. His influences ranged closer to Klein and Straub and Jackson. But Barron's physical presence — his primal maleness — certainly rivaled Howard's. Laird was a pugilist. A bodybuilder. A third-degree brown belt. An ex-fisherman. A writer. The general consensus among our fellow professionals was that Laird Barron would eat Robert E. Howard for breakfast, were Howard still alive and Laird was inclined toward cannibalism.

But never mind that, because speaking of cannibalism, the Wendigo was gaining ground, close enough that its rancid breath seemed to lap at the back of our careening dog sled. Or maybe that was Palin's. I couldn't be sure, because my head was still full of the ecstasy and acid tabs I'd eaten back in Prince Rupert, partly for research purposes but also to get the taste of Palin out of my mouth. In hindsight, Barron had been right, urging me to try tantric sex instead of simply letting the former Vice-Presidential candidate sit on my face, but I'd ignored him at the time, since Laird often says silly things like that.

I looked around for some kind of weapon, while Laird stared straight ahead, focused on the dogs. The man had raced the Iditarod three fucking times, but none of those skills were helping us now. Gone was the action hero, the two-fisted editor of The Melic Review, the hard man of letters who'd been forged in the very landscape we now raced across. In his place was just another person who blamed me for everything.

"All your fault," he shouted again. The icicles in his beard dangled and shook.

I considered reminding him that this whole thing was, in fact, Ellen Datlow and Paul Tremblay's fault. It was Ellen who had invited me to yet another one of her goddamn anthologies — for which I'd receive another customary rejection letter. The theme for this one was 'Canadian Folklore' and I'd decided that I was going to get into this anthology come Hell or high water, and to do so, I would need to research the Wendigo — to wallow in its lair and smell its shit and fish around inside its guts and find out the score. To do that, I needed a guide. Paul had recommended Laird, but in hindsight, I should have known better because Tremblay is a known sexual pervert and a Winger fan.

I reached for another empty bottle, but Laird suddenly whipped the sled sideways. We rocked on one runner and I screamed, expecting us to tip over on our side, but instead, we slid to a halt, sending up a fine spray of ice crystals.

"You brain-damaged bastard," I shouted. "What are you doing?"

"The only thing I can." He leaped from the sled and ripped his parka off. His clothes and undergarments followed. Then he held up his hands, palms out, and took two steps forward. Both Palin and the Wendigo slowed, frowning in confusion.

"You should have listened to me earlier, Keene."

Then he proceeded to engage in a wretched six-hour bout of tantric sex with the Wendigo, while Palin and I took turns licking the insides of the empty bottles, desperate for a drop, a tastes, any remnants that would block their frenzied cries from our minds.

Months later, Laird and I both appeared in an anthology called Jack Haringa Must Die. Flipping through it, I noticed that while his bio mentioned his appearances in a bunch of magazines and his collection from Night Shade Books, and the fact that he is an expatriate Alaskan, it said nothing about his predilection for Wendigo fucking. I hope that future editors will correct this oversight.

I also hope that Lebbon and Golden are horse-whipped for writing a book about dog sleds and Wendigos before I had a chance to recount the completely true story you just read.

The Keenepocalypse Continues

In two weeks, Deadite Press is proud to make Brian Keene's classic, long out-of-print, critically-acclaimed, post-apocalyptic Take The Long Way Home available to readers once again! Includes an introduction by New York Times-bestselling author John Skipp!

Don't forget, Deadite's new editions of Jack's Magic Beans, Urban Gothic, Clickers, and Clickers II are on sale now.

Coming Soon: A Gathering of Crows, Tequila's Sunrise, Darkness On The Edge Of Town, and author's preferred versions of Dead Sea and Castaways!