Garrett Robinson's Blog, page 82

Join My Crew

I publish books all the time. I release films all the time. They’re awesome, but it can be hard to keep track of.

If you want to get alerted every time I’ve got something new going on, just fill in the form below and click “Be A Rebel.” You’ll be part of my special team of fans who find out every time I’ve got something new going on, and the first to find out when I’ve got exclusive hangouts, deals or promotions going on.

PLUS, every time you review one of my books, you’ll get another book for free.

PLUS you’ll have free access to my online films that others have to pay for.

Pretty awesome? I know. It’s because I love you.

Be A Rebel
* indicates required
Email Address *




First Name *




Email Format

html
text
mobile

var mce_preload_checks = 0;
function mce_preload_check(){
if (mce_preload_checks>40) return;
mce_preload_checks++;
try {
var jqueryLoaded=jQuery;
} catch(err) {
setTimeout('mce_preload_check();', 250);
return;
}
try {
var validatorLoaded=jQuery("#fake-form").validate({});
} catch(err) {
setTimeout('mce_preload_check();', 250);
return;
}
mce_init_form();
}
function mce_init_form(){
jQuery(document).ready( function($) {
var options = { errorClass: 'mce_inline_error', errorElement: 'div', onkeyup: function(){}, onfocusout:function(){}, onblur:function(){} };
var mce_validator = $("#mc-embedded-subscribe-form").validate(options);
$("#mc-embedded-subscribe-form").unbind('submit');//remove the validator so we can get into beforeSubmit on the ajaxform, which then calls the validator
options = { url: 'http://gbr0binson.us6.list-manage.com...?', type: 'GET', dataType: 'json', contentType: "application/json; charset=utf-8",
beforeSubmit: function(){
$('#mce_tmp_error_msg').remove();
$('.datefield','#mc_embed_signup').each(
function(){
var txt = 'filled';
var fields = new Array();
var i = 0;
$(':text', this).each(
function(){
fields[i] = this;
i++;
});
$(':hidden', this).each(
function(){
var bday = false;
if (fields.length == 2){
bday = true;
fields[2] = {'value':1970};//trick birthdays into having years
}
if ( fields[0].value=='MM' && fields[1].value=='DD' && (fields[2].value=='YYYY' || (bday && fields[2].value==1970) ) ){
this.value = '';
} else if ( fields[0].value=='' && fields[1].value=='' && (fields[2].value=='' || (bday && fields[2].value==1970) ) ){
this.value = '';
} else {
if (/\[day\]/.test(fields[0].name)){
this.value = fields[1].value+'/'+fields[0].value+'/'+fields[2].value;
} else {
this.value = fields[0].value+'/'+fields[1].value+'/'+fields[2].value;
}
}
});
});
return mce_validator.form();
},
success: mce_success_cb
};
$('#mc-embedded-subscribe-form').ajaxForm(options);

});
}
function mce_success_cb(resp){
$('#mce-success-response').hide();
$('#mce-error-response').hide();
if (resp.result=="success"){
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(resp.msg);
$('#mc-embedded-subscribe-form').each(function(){
this.reset();
});
} else {
var index = -1;
var msg;
try {
var parts = resp.msg.split(' - ',2);
if (parts[1]==undefined){
msg = resp.msg;
} else {
i = parseInt(parts[0]);
if (i.toString() == parts[0]){
index = parts[0];
msg = parts[1];
} else {
index = -1;
msg = resp.msg;
}
}
} catch(e){
index = -1;
msg = resp.msg;
}
try{
if (index== -1){
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg);
} else {
err_id = 'mce_tmp_error_msg';
html = '

'+msg+'

';

var input_id = '#mc_embed_signup';
var f = $(input_id);
if (ftypes[index]=='address'){
input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]+'-addr1';
f = $(input_id).parent().parent().get(0);
} else if (ftypes[index]=='date'){
input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]+'-month';
f = $(input_id).parent().parent().get(0);
} else {
input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index];
f = $().parent(input_id).get(0);
}
if (f){
$(f).append(html);
$(input_id).focus();
} else {
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg);
}
}
} catch(e){
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg);
}
}
}
// ]]>

Find Out Every Time I Release A Book

I publish books all the time. I release films all the time. They’re awesome, but it can be hard to keep track of.

If you want to get alerted every time I’ve got something new going on, just fill in the form below and click “Be A Rebel.” You’ll be part of my special team of fans who find out every time I’ve got something new going on, and the first to find out when I’ve got exclusive hangouts, deals or promotions going on.

PLUS, every time you review one of my books, you’ll get another book for free.

PLUS you’ll have free access to my online films that others have to pay for.

Pretty awesome? I know. It’s because I love you.

Be A Rebel
* indicates required
Email Address *




First Name *




Email Format

html
text
mobile

var mce_preload_checks = 0;
function mce_preload_check(){
if (mce_preload_checks>40) return;
mce_preload_checks++;
try {
var jqueryLoaded=jQuery;
} catch(err) {
setTimeout('mce_preload_check();', 250);
return;
}
try {
var validatorLoaded=jQuery("#fake-form").validate({});
} catch(err) {
setTimeout('mce_preload_check();', 250);
return;
}
mce_init_form();
}
function mce_init_form(){
jQuery(document).ready( function($) {
var options = { errorClass: 'mce_inline_error', errorElement: 'div', onkeyup: function(){}, onfocusout:function(){}, onblur:function(){} };
var mce_validator = $("#mc-embedded-subscribe-form").validate(options);
$("#mc-embedded-subscribe-form").unbind('submit');//remove the validator so we can get into beforeSubmit on the ajaxform, which then calls the validator
options = { url: 'http://gbr0binson.us6.list-manage.com...?', type: 'GET', dataType: 'json', contentType: "application/json; charset=utf-8",
beforeSubmit: function(){
$('#mce_tmp_error_msg').remove();
$('.datefield','#mc_embed_signup').each(
function(){
var txt = 'filled';
var fields = new Array();
var i = 0;
$(':text', this).each(
function(){
fields[i] = this;
i++;
});
$(':hidden', this).each(
function(){
var bday = false;
if (fields.length == 2){
bday = true;
fields[2] = {'value':1970};//trick birthdays into having years
}
if ( fields[0].value=='MM' && fields[1].value=='DD' && (fields[2].value=='YYYY' || (bday && fields[2].value==1970) ) ){
this.value = '';
} else if ( fields[0].value=='' && fields[1].value=='' && (fields[2].value=='' || (bday && fields[2].value==1970) ) ){
this.value = '';
} else {
if (/\[day\]/.test(fields[0].name)){
this.value = fields[1].value+'/'+fields[0].value+'/'+fields[2].value;
} else {
this.value = fields[0].value+'/'+fields[1].value+'/'+fields[2].value;
}
}
});
});
return mce_validator.form();
},
success: mce_success_cb
};
$('#mc-embedded-subscribe-form').ajaxForm(options);

});
}
function mce_success_cb(resp){
$('#mce-success-response').hide();
$('#mce-error-response').hide();
if (resp.result=="success"){
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(resp.msg);
$('#mc-embedded-subscribe-form').each(function(){
this.reset();
});
} else {
var index = -1;
var msg;
try {
var parts = resp.msg.split(' - ',2);
if (parts[1]==undefined){
msg = resp.msg;
} else {
i = parseInt(parts[0]);
if (i.toString() == parts[0]){
index = parts[0];
msg = parts[1];
} else {
index = -1;
msg = resp.msg;
}
}
} catch(e){
index = -1;
msg = resp.msg;
}
try{
if (index== -1){
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg);
} else {
err_id = 'mce_tmp_error_msg';
html = '

'+msg+'

';

var input_id = '#mc_embed_signup';
var f = $(input_id);
if (ftypes[index]=='address'){
input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]+'-addr1';
f = $(input_id).parent().parent().get(0);
} else if (ftypes[index]=='date'){
input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]+'-month';
f = $(input_id).parent().parent().get(0);
} else {
input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index];
f = $().parent(input_id).get(0);
}
if (f){
$(f).append(html);
$(input_id).focus();
} else {
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg);
}
}
} catch(e){
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show();
$('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg);
}
}
}
// ]]>

Blogging For A Fiction Author And Podcaster

So, blogging for a fiction author, right? Amirite?

It’s hard (that’s what she said).

It’s hard to find the time to do it, especially now that I don’t have a 9-to-5 and I’m working my ass off to keep my income level up. Fortunately, I’m doing that through writing and editing. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough time to build myself a big ol’ cushion before being flung unceremoniously into this lifestyle.

I’m not complaining, at all, you understand. I love my life. I love that I have more time to spend with my family. I love that I have more time to do what I REALLY love doing. I’ve got a new book coming out soon (several, actually, that I’ve been banking words for) and a new film premiering on 23 June that is just…it’s just SO good, guys. Seriously.

But you know, for a while there I was blogging all the time. Most of those blogs were written on a slow day at work. Seriously. I don’t even feel bad about this. There were days when there was just NOTHING to do for a few hours, because my workload wasn’t high enough. (Which is the reason I was eventually let go from that job—which I TOTALLY understand. In retrospect I’m amazed that I was kept on as long as I was, but it was probably just because my boss and I were [and still are] such good friends).

So, I’m a fiction author now. Full time. When I’m not writing, I’m working on a film. When I’m not doing that either, I’m doing some random web work with the guys on the Self Publishing Podcast. When I’m not doing that, I’m editing books for other people (a little bit of extra cash never hurt, amirite?).

But that leaves me very little time to blog. And I’ve missed you guys! I seriously have. Some of my more ardent blog readers moved over to my podcasts, which I do three times a week. But for the most part, many of the people who would come and visit me here on a regular basis may feel a bit…out of the loop.

Well, the SIMPLEST solution for that is to become a Rebel. That’s where the best updates happen. But some people don’t want to do that—which I get.

But, I finally had another idea. It’s not as good as “I will blog regularly at this time” because I’ve tried that and, honestly, sometimes it just doesn’t work. Sometimes I don’t have anything to say, or everything else in my life happens all at once and I miss the schedule.

I’m not going to lie to you guys and say “I will blog every single week” if I’m not actually going to deliver.

But the idea I had is to put my podcast episodes here. They happen three times a week, they’ve got a TON of updates on what’s happening with me (as well as others) and they’re generally pretty fun. Maybe not as fun as a blog post, for some of you. But fun, all the same.

And, I’m going to be starting a new, SOLO podcast, that’s just me. No other co-hosts. Just me talking about my worlds, the worlds I write and, sometimes, exist in. I want to talk about one world in particular, my BIG EPIC one that’s probably not going to come out in print for a long while. But you’ll be able to hear about it (no spoilers or steal-able ideas, of course).

So, from less than an update a week, you’ll be getting three updates a week. And they’ll be available as a single audio feed, so if you’re subscribed to all three of my iTunes podcasts, you can ditch’em and just listen to the one.

So that’s my solution. I’ve missed you. I enjoy hearing from you. I hope you’ve enjoyed hearing from me, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and watching all the stuff I’ve been doing recently. The excitement’s just getting better and better, and it’s all thanks to you guys.

So Thanks.

STP 015—Writing YA Fiction

In what was hailed as “probably the best episode to come out of this piece of shit show” by our fans, we had an interesting and in-depth discussion about writing Young Adult. Including what that even means these days. From Twilight to Harry Potter to everything else, we covered it all:

What you shouldn’t do
What you mustn’t do
What you SHOULD do
What you can do if you want

I actually found the discussion super-enlightening, and I hope you will, too. Give it a listen, won’t you? Or watch the YouTube video here:

STP 014—The Importance of Hard Work (The Drinking Game Episode with David Wright)

Well, this episode (in retrospect) was an absolute train wreck, but was a hell of a lot of fun while we were recording it. Bill Dowis, fond listener of the podcast, created a drinking game for us, and we played it ON THE AIR during this week’s recording. The results were nothing short of magical, if by magical, you mean uncoordinated, unorganized, and a disgrace to whatever good name this show once had.

Give it a listen, won’t you? Or watch the YouTube video here:

The Ninjabread Man—Get It While It’s Cheap

Okay, so a new book came out yesterday, and I can’t lie to you—it’s FUCKING AWESOME.

[image error]

Shit-house crazy and shit-house awesome

So, there’s a chance you already know the story of this book, but in case you don’t, I’ll give you the thirty-second recap. Good friend, fellow indie author and podcast co-host Z.C. Bolger came to me one day with an idea for a podcast episode. Our podcast is The Story Telling Podcast (if you don’t listen to it, you really, really should and can do so by clicking on this link: http://thestorytellingpodcast.com/).

He wanted to brainstorm a story idea, and then write and publish it immediately (i.e. before someone else could steal it, since we’d be broadcasting the fucking thing on our podcast). When I asked him what the story idea was, he said two words that had me hooked: “Ninjabread Man.”

What followed was an epic podcast episode that had me quite literally falling off of my chair laughing. And that laughter continued all the way through the writing of the book, the editing and now the publishing.

It’s totally fucking amazing. You should totally get it. AND, it’s released at $0.99 for just a few days, after which it goes up to $2.99. So if you buy it RIGHT NOW, you save yourself a couple of bucks for a pants-shittingly hilarious book (with a whole lot of epicness, too).

You can find it on Amazon by clicking the book cover above, or by visiting this link:

http://www.amazon.com/Ninjabread-Epic...

I Have a New Home!

So, Johnny B. Truant can be kind of an asshole—that’s his brand. But he’s only an asshole in the best, most motivational and inspirational way possible.

So when he told me that I basically had the worst website in the world (because there’s a “0″ in it instead of an “O”), I listened.

The screaming Twitter fights (all in good fun) and massive e-mail rants (that will not be published to preserve Johnny’s ability to spend the rest of his life with his family and not in a federal prison) culminated in the purchase of my new website, garrettbrobinson.com.

So, that’s all there is to it. It’s my new site. The old one (gbr0binson.com, not even hyperlinked because I don’t want you to go there) will gradually be phased out of existence.

Hope you enjoy it, Rebels!

The Importance Of Branding

I don’t know how closely you stalk me. That’s probably a good thing. You don’t want me to take out a restraining order, do you? But if you’ve been stalking me pretty closely, you may have noticed “shifts” in a lot of the shit I have on the web.

The biggest one is my podcasting. I started a podcast called “The Story Telling Podcast.” It’s pretty boss. Then, because I wanted a podcast where I could just bullshit for about an hour a week, I started another one with the incomparable David W. Wright called A Game of Geeks. It’s tons of fun. Then, because now I’m some sort of “podcasting expert” or some shit, I created one for the filmmaking collective I’m a part of, We Make Movies. First episode is going live later this week.

But in creating these three podcasts, I did something fucking dumb that created a big problem for me. See, I do the podcasts live, via Google Hangout (my co-hosts are all over the goddamn country) and broadcast them live to YouTube. The thing is, I created a separate YouTube channel for each show.

The result is a mess. I have three different channels, I can never remember which one to sign into when I’m doing each show each week, and my Google+ pages are all over the place.

So, this week I created a BRAND NEW Google+ profile for myself. Not “The Storytelling Podcast” profile or the “Game of Geeks” profile, but a “Garrett Robinson” page. I then created Google+ PAGES for each of the shows.

Now, when I’m ready to record that week’s episode, no matter what show I’m doing, I have ONE login. I start the show, and bam. Plus, all of my YouTube views are consolidated, all of my subscribers have only ONE place to go to. Simpler, right? Much easier to handle administratively.

But what’s even more important is how this affects my branding.

Branding, as an independent artist, is more important than a lot of people give a fuck about. So few people even think about their brand and how it will affect their marketability out in the world. And yet, to put it politely, without proper branding you’re fucking yourself in the ass with a jackhammer.

“Politely” may not have been the right word there.

What if you’re a director? Part of your “branding” is the demographic you appeal to. I tend to go for a humor-loving, witty, intelligent audience who are good-looking, wise in the ways of the world and, simply put, better than other people. (You know who you are, fans. Mwah!) If someone asked me to do a kids’ project, I’d tell them that’s not really my brand—UNLESS it’s a kids’ project that also has massive appeal to adults (a la The Ninjabread Man, a book I’m releasing in a few days alongside fellow author Z.C. Bolger). There’s no swearing, cartoon violence only and no sex in that story. BUT, there’s a lot of adult humor that will fly straight over the heads of the younger folks who read it. That’s an exception to the rule, though. My first short film, Prime Effect, had a fourteen-year-old who said “fucker” and a bodycount of five out of its seven characters, gunshots and special effects.

Because that’s my brand.

Hit Girls (my latest serial novel) had two sister assassins, both of them beautiful and utterly ruthless an INCREDIBLE body count and language and themes that actually made one of my best friends (Z.C. Bolger, again) refuse to keep reading the book because he “couldn’t handle the bloodlust.”

But that’s my brand.

No matter what I do, whether it’s a suspenseful sci-fi thriller, an insouciant zombie novel, or a psychotic revenge-assassin death spree serial, there’s a particular voice to it. There’s a quality that is uniquely and wholly MINE.

My own. My precious.

The thing is, whatever I do and whatever genre it’s in, I hope that people like it for my voice, and not because they just HAPPEN to like things in that genre. To be honest, as long as they’re enjoying it, I really don’t care why. But what I am striving for is an audience that likes my work because of the unique swing I bring to my stories.

 

LET’S BE PRACTICAL

Whatever art form you practice, you’ve gotta figure out your brand. You can start out doing whatever you want if you’re just finding your voice. But once you’ve found it and you know what you want to do, and you’re DOING it, consolidate everything you’re doing around that brand. Don’t have five websites: have one. Don’t have three YouTube channels like I did: have one, and make everything work around that one. Everything you’re doing is an offshoot of YOU.

Understanding this concept is why people like Johnny B. Truant can write books like Fat Vampire, Unicorn Western and The Bialy Pimps with no conflict. They’re all distinctly Johnny, no matter how different they are. I’m sure there are people who like Fat Vampire because it’s a vampire book and they just love vampire books. But I know there are people who love it because it’s Johnny—not because they’re just so fucking in love with his abs of steel and want to give him rimjobs, but because his voice appeals to them.

FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR BRAND IS, AND THEN PUSH THAT.

Part of my brand is absolutely no hesitation on using swear words. I am restraining myself on two projects, yes, because I’m co-authoring them and my co-authors want these to be kid-friendly. That’s fine. But I will never create a solo project that doesn’t have a tun of fucktards, cuntwhores and fatherfuckers in it. You know that. You’ve been reading my blog, you’ve probably read some of my books (if you haven’t, you really should).

Another part of my brand is body count. I like thinking up new, interesting and hilarious ways for people to die. And unlike, let’s say, David W. Wright, the deaths rarely depress people. Usually, they’re either, “Holy shit!” moments or hilarious ones. Yes, it can be hilarious when people die. Ever see Samuel L. Jackson’s death scene in Deep Blue Sea? How about Leonardo DiCaprio’s death scene in The Departed? Hell, it can even be hilarious with animals: how about the cat in The Boondock Saints?

Massive spoilers on all of those, by the way. Sorry.

I don’t know about you, but those clips are all fucking HILARIOUS. Much more to my tastes than the way Leonardo DiCaprio died in (SPOILER ALERT) Blood Diamond. I loved that movie. The ending was amazing, it made me cry.

But it’s not my brand.

Not saying I’d never do something like that (it was an incredible, emotional scene) but you better believe several dozen other people would have been detonated by a cherry bomb strapped to the back of a chihuahua first.

Branding is taste is style is attitude is BRANDING.

It’s got to be in everything you do, up to and including and ESPECIALLY your marketing.

Bring everything together. Find out what’s the central core of your art and build things around it. It’s probably what you’re good at: after all, it’s what you like, isn’t it? You probably spend more time thinking about it than anything else.

Work on your brand. Put that out there. Show diversity, prove your competence in a variety of styles, genres, what have you. But unify it with your brand.

BOOK REVIEW: Chicken Nuggets: The Raptor Apocalypse

This week’s book review is of the unbelievably-awesomely titled book: Chicken Nuggets: The Raptor Apocalypse.

I’m not even a little bit joking.

In what is easily the most bizarrely-titled book I’ve reviewed to date, Chicken Nuggets is a dark, dark, DARK post-apocalyptic tale of life after Earth is invaded by white, raptor-like creatures. The author, Steve R. Yeager, contacted me as a reader and enjoyer of Non Zombie. He happened to mention his novel, and I found the title way, way too compelling not to check out. (So apparently, if you’re my fan I’ll read your book—just watch out, because I will tell you if it’s crap). Fortunately, Steve’s novel gripped me by the throat from page one. (Well, maybe page three—it is his debut novel, I believe).

SETTING

Chicken Nuggets takes place across America, with the main characters traveling on the road from place to place (as characters in post-apocalyptic novels often do). A large part of Jesse’s story takes place in Texas.

 

MAIN CHARACTERS

JESSE PRIEO: Jesse is the first protagonist in the book. Before the apocalypse he was a cop with a wife and daughter. Afterward, he’s a survivor with a wife and daughter. From page one, you want Jesse to win—or at least to live as long as possible, since this is a post-apocalyptic tale and those are not always happy books. I obviously won’t spoil Jesse’s story for you, but I’ll say that Yeager’s character development starts off strong and gets even better.

CORY MELKIN: Cory is an assistant to Professor LaPaz (see below) and member of an organization whose motivations aren’t clear at the beginning of the tale. One thing is for sure: Cory is not necessarily a good person at the start. The book sets you up pretty early on that Cory and his little band have something to do with the raptor apocalypse, but exactly what it is doesn’t become clear until later.

EVE (EVELYN): Eve is a woman living in Eden, a small town years after the apocalypse run by Noah (see below). Noah is abusive to her, but she’s gotten all Stockholm-y and is absolutely devoted to him, even becoming his second wife. She attempts to seduce Cory on Noah’s orders, but is then drawn into his continuing adventure against her will.

PROFESSOR LAPAZ: LaPaz is a mysterious figure at the beginning of the story, a scientist and member of a shadowy organization whose purposes are only hinted at: something to do with “Project Genesis.” Despite being an academic, and not much of a public speaker, he has considerable physical prowess as well. He’s enigmatic, somewhat fickle, and the only one keeping Cory’s more violent tendencies in check at the beginning of the book.

NOAH: Noah is an old man and preacher in a small town in America five years after the apocalypse. He’s an over-controlling, sadistic, manipulative man; obviously, this means he’s risen to power in the dark world after the raptors.

 

SOME DETAILS

CON: The first “con” about this book is a minor one. From the title, I expected a more insouciant, comical post-apocalyptic horror story, something along the lines of Non Zombie or Fat Vampire. It is not. It is DARK. This is obviously not a problem with the book itself—it’s very well-written—but I might have considered a name change. “Chicken Nuggets” and “Apocalypse” together just make me chuckle.

CON: The book covers a large span of time (years). Chapter one is “apocalypse day one,” and the next chapter with that character will be months later. The transitions could have been handled slightly smoother—sometimes they’re a bit jarring.

CON: I think this book could use a good edit. There were more typos than I typically see in an independent work. It is FAR from the worst thing I’ve ever seen, however; it’s just slightly below the level I consider “normal.” I did notify the author about these (I always make lists as I’m reading) and as he’s a super-cool guy, I’m sure he’s going to get on them right away. This would probably handle the transition issue (above).

PRO: Interestingly, the author (Steve Yeager) wrote the first part of this book as a part of NaNoWriMo. It’s a very impressive work for having been written in a month (not including editing time).

PRO: If you want a believable post-apocalyptic world, this is it. Mankind’s society dissolves like a snowball in hell. It also spans a great length of time, a fact I loved when compared to a lot of post-apocalyptic stories (including Non Zombie) which only follow the character for a few weeks or months and then simply fade to black.

PRO: Yeager is an expert at “writing himself into a corner” and then getting out of it deftly. So many times I was like, “Welp, this character is fucked. What deus ex machina bullshit is going to come up to save them?” And yet I was always pleased with the resolution. And without giving any major spoilers, sometimes the answer was “They DON’T MAKE IT, BITCH!”

 

CONCLUSION

Overall this book is a dark, action-packed tale that reads well, is entertaining, and is worth a read (and your few bucks). My cons are few and niggly, only removing a single star. With a solid edit, I’d probably up this to an easy five stars.

Errday I’m Juggling

Feel free to try this at home, as long as your home is this fire station.

Well, I had an interesting weekend. Here was my schedule:

Friday Night:

Sound mix for a film

 

Saturday:

Story meeting on upcoming serialized novel

Location scout for a film

Went with my family to a birthday party for a friend’s kid

Sound mix for a film

Friend’s birthday party

 

Sunday:

Sleep in HAHAHAJUSTKIDDING woken up at 8:30am by kids

Write as long as I can until

Hanging with kids while wife goes out for a mani-pedi then comes back so I can go to my

Sound mix for a film until 1:00am

 

Notice how I didn’t mention little things like “meals” in there? That’s because I barely ate. Didn’t even think of it until my body was like: “GARRETT! Grab a hot dog, motherfucker!”

Let’s put this in perspective a different way. Here’s what’s going on in my life right now:

1. Co-writing a top secret serialized novel with my buddy and fellow podcast host ZC Bolger.

2. Co-writing an even more top secret serialized novel. More details on this one as my NDA is released (kidding, but I’m keeping it on the hush for right now at the request of my partner).

3. Writing Non Zombie III all by my lonesome.

4. Wrapping up post production on a short film I directed in August last year; high priority because the producer (who wrote the short film script and the feature) has agents and producers aching to produce the feature film for a multi-million dollar budget. I’m the editor, colorist, sound mixer and DVD producer on the film—there’s also a special effects artist working on it.

5. Re-editing a short film I wrote and directed in September last year for a 48-hour film festival. The film didn’t win the 48-hour festival, so I’m re-tweaking it and sending it out on the more “general” film festival circuit.

6. Finishing editing and all other post-production on my directorial debut (which, interestingly, will be completed after the three short films I shot after it) Overnight.

7. Completing my first feature-length script, Rebel Yell.

8. Managing the release of Hit Girls (which, if you haven’t checked it out yet, you really should).

9. Wrapping edits on Zach’s first novel (Danny Calloway and the Puzzle House).

10. Formatting the We Make Movies Survival Guide 2013, a compilation of awesome filmmaking articles put out by the film collective We Make Movies.

 

Don’t forget that in addition to all of those relatively temporary projects, I’m still posting on here at least twice a week, recording the Story Telling Podcast and starting up a whole ‘nother podcast with We Make Movies.

And don’t forget I have a 9-to-5 job. And a wife and two kids.

I’m not gonna lie to you, Dearest Reader. Sometimes it feels like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.

Then I kick myself in the ass, stop feeling sorry for myself and get back into action.

Here’s what I’ll bet you DIDN’T realize from those lists above: Even spending 9 hours a day at my job Monday through Friday, I’m spending a MAJORITY of the time in my life on the two things I love: Family, and Art.

“But what about free time?” people sometimes ask me.

What the fuck is this ‘free time’ people talk about? Is it video game time? Well, I like my video games. Is it party time? I like me a good party.

But would I rather do either of those two things more than writing a book or directing a film? Never. Not in a million years. If you like playing Call of Duty or getting drunk with your friends more than creating your art, then you should probably look for a stable, steadily advancing career that gives you as much free time as possible to do those things. Just ditch the art if it’s not what you enjoy doing more than anything else in the world—because why would you be working toward anything less?

We’ve all got relatively little time in these frail little bodies. If you want to do art so that you can be famous, let me just say that I’ve gained more fame through this blog (in terms of eyes on my name) than I have through any of my books or movies. If you want fame or riches, there are better avenues.

Guide your life by what you want to do MOST. Then, even if you’ve got as much shit going on as I do right now, you’ll never feel overwhelmed. I can’t feel like I’ve got “too much to do” for very long. I mean, what kind of complaint is it to say “I’ve got too much fun to have?”

Because that’s what it is. Fun. It’s a big, fat game.

Yes, I take it seriously. Yes, I try to deliver to my audience as best I can. Always. On time. Under budget. Profitably.

But it’s a game. Never forget that. You’re the star quarterback. Your team is your family, maybe your agent, your support group, your workshop, your film collective. The other team is the System. The publishers. The studios. The investors who don’t want to give you their money. The time and space that you have to wrestle from the universe to create your art.

On the other side of the field is the end zone. Your book, or maybe just your manuscript. Your feature film, or maybe just your short. Your goal is to get into that end zone, more times than the other team knocks you on your ass.

Maybe you don’t win the game. Maybe you never reach that end zone.

Pick up and move to the next field.

You might not make the movie you’re working on now. You might finish your book to a loud chorus of crickets.

Write the next book, direct the next film anyway. If you love what you’re doing, you should keep doing it. Sure, there may have been some aspect of it you didn’t like. Maybe your 1st AD was a dick. Maybe you struggled SO HARD with that opening chapter. (*snicker* “so hard”). So refine your process and eliminate those things that make it not fun any more.

And keep going. Maybe the final product wasn’t up to your standards (or, apparently, anyone else’s). Keep going anyway. As a wise man I know likes to say: “No one writes fifty crappy stories.” And no one makes fifty crappy films, either.

That may sound like a sucky answer, because it just means “gut your way through it.” Well, again, if you enjoy the filmmaking process, that shouldn’t matter. I’ve posted before that my first film was terrible by my current standards. But those twelve hours of filming were awesome. I still feel that way, the rest of the cast and crew still feels that way. The films I’m finishing right now are awesome. Three years from now, I’ll look at them in a different light. But I’m loving every moment. I’m improving all the time.

Every day, I’m juggling a lot of projects. But every single one of them is fun, every single one of them is awesome, and my life wouldn’t be as fulfilling or complete if any single one of them were missing.