Michele Chynoweth's Blog, page 19

A safe place to land…

Being a parent, a mom, is hard. My son recently got married and I felt like part of it didn’t go so well. He got mad at me, I got mad at him…and overall I feel to some degree like I have “lost” him. We have talked since and made amends…and I realize he wasn’t really mad at me alone but was letting off steam about the whole family (and wedding drama) and I just happened to be the one closest by when he decided to vent. I know he probably felt like he couldn’t offend others in the family because he’s afraid of them, or what they would think of him. I was the “easy target” or that “safe place” to land with his feelings. Although it was hurtful, he felt like he could be honest with me. It didn’t feel good at all at the time and at times still doesn’t feel fair the way I’m treated. But in retrospect, I guess it’s the place where God wants me to be. Being a parent and bearing the cross is very hard sometimes – especially when we can see our children heading for dangerous places and want to prevent them hitting hard ground and realize we can’t…or ask ourselves where we went wrong that they ended up this way…and just want to go back to that comfortable place where we were once in our relationship and can’t find our way back there…and see that they are still testing their wings and don’t want to come back…yet. But we have to keep the nest open, our hearts open because just maybe they will want to or need to  one day. Many women in the Bible and saints along the way have felt this pain and I think we can look to them for hope. This must be how Saint Monica felt when her son Augustine sinned and lived like a pagan until he was 33; the way Eve felt when her son Cain killed his brother (her other son!) Abel; or how Mary felt when Jesus, at the age of twelve, stayed behind in the temple to teach without bothering to tell his parents where he was, and they frantically searched for him.  “When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions…When his parents saw him, they were astonished. ‘Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.’ ‘Why were you searching for me?’ he asked. ‘Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?’  But they did not understand what he was saying to them.” (Luke 2:41-52) Even Mary and Joseph were upset, probably angry, and didn’t understand! But Augustine did become a saint and one of the greatest leaders in Christianity; Eve had another son, Seth, who was to eventually be an ancestor in the royal bloodline of Jesus; and Mary, of course, although she had to bear many hardships and suffering, was the mother of our Lord. Let us pray for our children and for ourselves as parents that we may carry our  crosses and be safe places for them to land.

 

 

Through the eyes of a child…

 I had the pleasure of watching my 17-month-old granddaughter Marley Elizabeth for a few days while her parents (my son and his new bride) were on their honeymoon. It was exhilarating and exhausting…a few moments of frustration but many more of delight, joy, love. I saw her blossom as she got used to being with “Mom mom” and “Pop pop,” becoming more “talkative,” cuddly, sweet, smiley and better behaved each day – even with the dog! We’ve never had her overnight before and we don’t see her that often so I’m sure she was a bit confused and overwhelmed at first…plus she was teething. But to see her eyes grow big when we went to the park to see the ducks and geese, or to hear her laugh when tickled, or watch her learn something new (I will take credit for teaching her the “head, shoulders, knees and toes” song!) or savor a yummy popsicle or be fearless (she definitely is when it comes to swimming!) or to be creative in play  made me realize that we do need to step outside our busy adult lives and experience the world through the eyes of a child once in a while to really appreciate all of God’s gifts. And as caregivers, have patience, tolerance, open arms and open hearts to what children can really teach us. That’s exactly what Jesus says in the Gospels.  “And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them.  But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.” Lord, help us all as parents, grandparents, babysitters and caregivers of children remember to see through their eyes and know God truly appreciates our labors of love. 

 

Who do you think you are?

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were proud and happy about accomplishing something really good – and you shared it with family members or friends, only to have them react negatively or not at all? You start fulfilling your purpose, you land that dream job, you get your book published, you conquer your addiction, you find your soul mate, you find God.  And, perhaps not in these words, but in other words they say “who do you think you are?” Your bubble is burst, your ego is deflated, you feel disappointed, hurt, maybe even angry or bitter. I’ve experienced it many times as I have started growing in success and in life. And yet, you know you need to carry on, not to please “them” but with the conviction that this is God’s Will and it doesn’t matter what “they” say. (And hopefully your true supporters rally, uphold you and celebrate your joy.)  That’s what happened to Jesus. He came to preach, teach and heal and his very own people basically said “who do you think you are?” and rejected Him.   “Is this not the son of Joseph?…When the people in the synagogue heard (what he was saying) they were all filled with fury. They rose up (and) drove him out of the town…” (Lk 4:16-30).  Fortunately, Jesus picked some great apostles to surround Himself with – and to support His cause. They weren’t perfect by any means and even they let Him down from time to time (just look at Peter and Thomas). But in the end, they stuck by Him. Surround yourself with new friends if you have to, let the old ones go if you have to, don’t listen to the naysayers and instead, listen to the Spirit’s stirring of your heart.

Thanks and praise…even when it’s tough.

I am deeply grateful that an issue which I was struggling over (and wrote about right here on this blog exactly three weeks ago) was resolved after much prayer (and relinquishing of stress!) Talking to my spiritual advisor (my priest) helped, venting to my close friends helped, even yoga helped – but most of all you readers helped. The blog about going through my struggle – which involved the mistake of another that looked like it would cost me about $20,000 and possibly delay a dream I have on my horizon which I was really angry and anxious about – received the most response ever from you…you said to hold onto my faith, to keep praying, to surrender to God’s Will, to be thankful and give praise even during and through those dark days. And you know what? You were right. I truly believe that because I kept trying to be thankful and give God praise (which forced me to surrender my anger and anxiety) I let go of expectations and only then, received a positive answer. (turns out that I tried a different way to approach the situation, apologized for yelling at the person who made the mistake and forgave them, and kept praying!) Sometimes, I know, we still don’t get the answer we’re looking for, and in a heartbeat, the positive can turn negative, a happy day can turn sad, another obstacle is thrown our way. But I believe that if we keep thanking and praising God NO MATTER WHAT, knowing that He’s got us in the palm of His hand NO MATTER WHAT, all will be well and we can be reasonably happy and joyful. Surely there has been at least one time in your life that God has answered your prayer? So if you’ve received a blessing, if you’re still waiting, hoping and praying for one, or even if you are in the “valley” and feel like your prayer has gone unanswered, please pray with me, “I will bless the LORD at all times, His praise will ever be on my lips…I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (Ps 34:1-4). Thank You.

 

Loving the Unlovable

By now you’d have to be living in a cave not to know Pope Francis is visiting the US in September. Perhaps you also have heard that he plans to visit a prison while in Philadephia. At first when I became aware of this, I thought, huh, couldn’t His Eminency’s  time be better spent visiting a school, a hospital or even a homeless shelter…instead of a bunch of criminals? After all, the Pope only visits our country every several years and he’s only here for a very short time and there are millions dying to see him. But this morning, sitting in church, praying about a difficult person or two in my life that it seems I am being called to work with (and am reluctant to),  I realized something; the Pope is just like Jesus, leaving the 99 sheep to find the one that is lost.  Jesus says “…there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance.” (Lk 15:3-7)  I was considering just “walking away” from one of these individuals in my life who is causing me anxiety yet may need my help  – it’s too hard, I don’t have the time,  it’s just not worth it, etc.  It’s just easier to hang around the bunch of “good” sheep in my life instead of focusing on the problem “bad” sheep who is “lost.” But then what God calls us to do isn’t always easy, is it? And yet (usually I can see in retrospect) it somehow always helps us to grow – in humility and in love. This week I will try to love the “unlovable” in my life a little more.