Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 54

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

I’ll be the first to admit it, I’m not a patient person. Too often I let the little things bother me.

Whether it be someone cutting me off in traffic to the restaurant that messed up my order, I constantly have to remind myself to cool down.

Does this sound familiar?

My good friend always tells me not to sweat the small stuff and I always tell him he’s right, yet have I really taken his advice? After thinking about it, I would have to say for the most part, NO.

We all know we can’t sweat the small stuff, there are too many big things that need our attention, yet the small stuff can distract or side track us.

I don’t know what the small stuff is in your life but chances are that you have and/or will let it distract you.

So how can you keep the small stuff from ruining your progress? Let’s keep it very simple: 

Realize it’s there

The first step in dealing with any problem is admitting there is a problem, right? When you’re dealing with a situation and it’s just bugging you, admit what’s going on, address it.

I have a very dedicated hater, if you follow the comments on this blog, you’ve probably seen them. That hater has even followed me to my guest posts Dan Black can vouch for that.

Normally I can just ignore them or kill them with kindness but last week it just got to me. I read some comments on my blog post and went about my day. As the day went on, I was very short with people.

By mid day I had to step back and evaluate, what was going on? I finally had to admit to myself that those hater’s comments were really bothering me.

In retrospect, comments from a hater aren’t that big of a deal. I write to help people who are where I was at, I really want to help, I don’t write for the haters. So their comments shouldn’t bother me, I know they just need to get a life.

Once I admitted what was going on, I could deal with it and finally move on. Normally I let people comment what they want on my blog, I don’t want to censor anyone and I know not everyone will agree.

However, after realizing how much it was bothering me and realizing that the comments weren’t constructive, I deleted the comments and blacklisted that person from this blog.

Certain things shouldn’t be a big deal but if you don’t realize it, they can snowball into a huge problem. Nip them right away, realize what they are and how they’re affecting you.

Once you realize they’re there:

Deal with them

The first thing I did when I realized how much I was bothered was talk to my wife. She usually is the voice of reason for me and talks me off the ledge.

She told me exactly what I needed to hear and I instantly felt better. If you have someone like that in your life, talk to them, let them know what you’re dealing with.

Even if the things that are bothering you seem petty, get them off your chest. Saying them out loud, voicing what’s inside will relieve that tension inside.

The next thing I did was get out my ear buds and turn on some Pandora. Music always soothes and helps me and can help you.

Whatever sound track you listen to, turn it on for a few minutes and let it sink in. Just close your eyes, tune out the noise and listen to the music.

For me, prayer is first and foremost. I take some time away to speak to my Lord. For you, what ever method you use to get through things, do it.

The one thing I really want you to take away from this post is don’t hold it all inside. The “small stuff” isn’t really small if it affects you.

Spare a Tweet?

How do you deal with the small stuff?

Your Questions Answered (Part 2)

Thank you to everyone who submitted a question or made a comment, you guys rock! Did you get value from the last post? Were your questions answered?

If not, feel free to email me anytime at kconstable29@me.com. I’m always here to help you make your dreams a reality! So, here is part 2 of your questions being answered in this video post:

Thanks to these great people for their questions:

Jason Pockrandt and Vicki Hodges and Brian Synder!

Some of the sites I follow to learn about dream chasing: 

Think Traffic, Smart Passive Income, Jon Acuff, Dan Miller, Chris Brogan, The Foundation, Derek Halpern, Brendan Burchard

There are many, many others and if I keep trying to list them, I might get myself into trouble I probably read and comment on your site too.

Do you have any questions or comments related to your dreams? How’s your dream chasing journey going? 

Your Questions Answered (Part 1)

I’ve been blogging away on this website for the last three years, you’re probably tired of hearing from me, right? My hope is that you have gotten value, inspiration, motivation, and a realistic game plan to make your dreams a reality.

Last week I put out a call for questions related to the things I write about here, I want to help you in any way I can and make sure I’m covering the topics that are relevant to making dreams a reality.

Thanks to everyone who asked questions and sent well wishes, I’m overwhelmed and honored to be connected to so many amazing people! So, here are the first round of questions answered in this video post:

Thank you to all who asked questions and especially these great people: 

Ngina Otiende,   Zechariah Newman, Jenny Hester  

Do you have a question or comment related to your dream? Ask away in the comments….

Doubt and Money

Three years ago when I finally decided to take action on my dream, I had a number of road blocks. Two of the biggest that kept me from even starting, were doubt and a lack of money.

To be perfectly honest, these are still two areas I’m constantly working on to this day and anyone who is living out their dream will tell you the same thing.

Our money

Let me take you back to the mess that was my world three years ago. I’ve been self-employed since I was 19 years old. At 19 I delivered bread for a company when I crossed paths with a bread guy that was an independent contractor.

The independent bread guy opened my eyes to an opportunity. All the contractors desperately needed someone to cover their routes so that they could go on vacation. I started a vacation service that grew to five employees and operated in three states.

I had this business for 12 years and made decent income. The problem was I never learned how to operate a business, the money would come in and I would spend it. At the end of that first year I got the shock of my life when I owed the IRS $11,000 (yes, you read that number correctly).

As the years went on, I never learned from the mistakes of that first year. Three years ago I owed $120,000 to the IRS. We had bill collectors calling us all the time, we had the IRS taking money from our bank accounts, one time they even cleaned out our HSA account.

We bought a house, we had new cars, we were out of control financially, there was no way we could chase our dream, right?

My doubts

Being in the financial position that we were in, of course I had all kind of doubts. First and foremost I doubted if we would ever crawl out of the whole I got us into. All I could think and dream about was everything crashing and us being homeless.

When I did finally decide to go ahead with my dream of being a writer, those doubts were screaming at me. How could I possible make my dream work with that mess?

In addition to the messed up finances, I had negative people in my life telling me it couldn’t and wouldn’t work. Those people were quick to point out the 100 reasons why my dream wouldn’t work.

Don’t let your doubts and money situation keep you from your dream 

Look, when you’re in a situation like this, it feels like there’s no hope. It’s frustrating to go into a job you hate feeling like you’ll be there the rest of your life. There is hope, there is a way out.

Tip: It’s going to require you to do some things you don’t want or have the energy to do. If you’re running short on time to work on your dream, you’re going to have to walk up earlier or stay up later.

If you don’t have enough money or are living paycheck to paycheck, what opportunities to make money are around you?

Tip: I wrote about the family that did a number of different things to bring money in, that’s what it takes. Are there opportunities in your neighborhood? Do any family or friends have something you could do? What skills could you use that could make you extra income?

I’m guessing if you sat down and thought about it, you’d find some opportunities to make extra income that could fund your dream. You have to be willing to take those opportunities and combine them with creative budgeting to push that dream forward.

As you work on all of this, doubt will try to keep you from moving forward. Doubts from your situation and doubts from negative people.

Tip: Look, doubt will always be there, even after you experience success. The best way to combat doubt is to surround yourself with good, positive people and have a solid plan behind your dream.

A proper plan that is backed up by good research is just smart and when you get doubt, go back and look at that plan. Supportive people will be there and listen to your doubts and give you positive encouragement.

There is hope

For us to make our dream a reality we had to scrap and save and get a bunch of extra work. To fight the doubt we put together a researched plan and are executing it. We crawled out from all of that debt when my two self-published books sold over 80,000 copies.

Now we’re putting money aside and pushing forward. No matter where you are right now, there is hope for you and your dream. However bad the situation is, there is a way out.

You have to be willing to take action, you have to be willing to do the hard work, you must have some patience. So what’s next?

Start, keep going and pick yourself up when you fall down. Are you struggling with doubt or money? 

How To Chase Your Dreams With a Family (Part 5)

Thanks for joining me on this series about chasing your dreams with a family, I hope it’s helped. Some of the things we’ve talked about I’ve had to remind myself (especially about taking down time) of.

More than anything, I hope you’ve seen it’s totally possible to chase your dreams with a family and that you can prosper beyond belief!

Our family dreams

Income: I wanted to use this last post in this series to update you about our family’s main dreams. At this point we’re completely supported by our speaking, coaching, and online books and products (crazy I know).

I always want my life to be an open book, so I can tell you that business is good and we’re on pace to hit six figures this year or get close. The thing about having this kind of income is that the money is sporadic.

One week we feel rich, the next week we might not make a dime. The key to doing this and making it work is having that emergency fund that we talked about in the first post. For us we want to feel very secure, so we try to keep a larger emergency fund.

As we learn and focus, we get better and make smarter plans. Next year we plan on really building upon what we started this year. This is our first full year supported by our dream and it has been an amazing learning experience.

Moving: The other main goal is moving to Hawaii. We have been seriously talking and planning, it’s starting to get real. We have figured out that we want to move to the Big Island of Hawaii instead of Maui.

The Big Island has the biggest land mass and fewer people than Maui or Oahu. It’s more of the natural Hawaiian lifestyle we’re looking for. The prices are far less than the other Islands as well.

We’ve decided we’re selling everything, even our car which we originally thought we would ship. We’re going there with only the clothes on our back!

We plan on moving in April of 2014 when our kids are out of school. That’s almost a year after we wanted to move but we wanted to make sure we’re set. The whole family is excited and scared but this is our dream and life is too short to not chase it!

One of the main things that we’ve done which has helped us focus is the simple math. We sat down as a family and figured out what we would need to pay our bills, enjoy life and put some money away in savings.

Since we have very low debt, the number we need to accomplish everything we want is $2,800 a month. So now we know exactly how much income we need to bring in and we work on specific goals for how to reach that number.

It helps us be specifically focused and drown out anything that will keep us from our goals. If we come to the end of the month and are low on our goal, we know it’s time for hustle mode!

Weight: The third main goal is weight, specifically mine and my wife’s. Three years ago I lost 132 pounds, in the last year and a half I gained it all back plus 37 pounds. Forty days ago my weight was at its highest, I weighed 369 pounds.

Forty days ago I finally had enough and stopped making excuses and started back up hardcore. I started a diet, I started hitting the gym again. In the last 40 days I’ve lost 40 pounds. It’s definitely a start

My wife has been going strong and has been my rock. We’ve got a long road to go but we’re committed and we have a family goal. Please keep me accountable. Thanks for letting me update you, how is your family doing?

It’s race, not a marathon

One of the keys in chasing your dreams with your family is patience. Realize that you could be making a radical change in your life, this isn’t going to happen overnight.

Start small and take small actions steps everyday or every week, the goal is to keep pushing forward. Develop that step by step strategy with real goals, not expectations. All this stuff takes time and even when you get here, you still have a bunch of stuff you learn.

Brendon Burchard said: “An expert is a student first,” meaning always keep learning. The thing that separates those that are successful from everyone else is how well they implement what they learn. More specifically, how well you implement what you learn.

Sometimes we can get caught in information overload. We take this course, we read this book, we listen to this podcast and we don’t know where to start but worse, we keep learning more and more without taking action on what we’ve learnt.

I heard Derek Halpern in an interview say that when ever he learns something new he implements it right away, I would argue that’s what has made him successful. Try it, when you learn something new, take action and implement asap.

What’s your family’s dream? Where are you at in the journey?

We live in an incredible time, so much opportunity all around us. We can do things that weren’t possible in years past, so why aren’t more people taking advantage?

Too often we listen to our doubts and fears, we listen to negative voices all around us telling us it’s not possible. It’s time for us to wake up and see what’s really possible and especially with our family.

Take advantage, ignore those voices and finally claim the life your family truly deserves.

Peace, I’m out!

How To Chase Your Dreams With a Family (Part 4)

When was the last time your family went on vacation? A few months ago my family and I went on vacation to a little town called Wisconsin Dells. The city is small but it’s packed with water parks, amusement parks and everything a kid would love.

While there the kids went nuts, my wife tanned and I got to work on some projects related to my dream, it was lovely.

I was sitting there, sipping on some sweet, cool iced tea thinking this is what it’s all about. At night when we were in the hotel, I updated the family on where our dream was at (noticed I said our) and got some advice from time.

It was a time to refresh, relax and get recharged to tackle the rest of this year. While there, I realized two crucial points related to chasing your dreams with your family:

Schedule down time

It’s our natural tendency to want to keep going until we drop, when we’re chasing a dream it can be even worse.

This goes back to the patience thing we talked about in the last post, we want to be living out this dream now. If you keep going without having any down time, you’re going to burn out.

Even in the process of not wasting time, truly living and chasing those dreams, that down time can be the difference between success and failure. When you push too hard you can start to resent your dream or see it as the object of your pain.

This is especially true when you’re chasing your dream with a family. If you guys just keep going without taking time off to do things that are fun and exciting, your family will resent that dream.

I know I’m mostly preaching to the choir but it was a lesson that I had to teach myself. That time away can give you a clearer perspective, it can refresh you and give you the energy you need to push those last few miles.

Down time can be a time to bond with your family and just enjoy that moment, a moment you’ll never get back. Down time is an important part of the dream chasers journey, if you haven’t taken any down time in a while, schedule something today.

Set goals, not expectations

There’s a huge difference between goals and expectations, I wrote about this very subject for my mentor, Dan Miller.

A goal is something we work towards, it has specific measurements and a date. An expectation is something we want to happen and when it doesn’t, we’re crushed.

Setting expectations instead of goals has been the downfall of many dream chasers and has even broken up families. As you chase a dream as a family, sit down and guide your family through some realistic goals.

Talk through why you think that measurement should be set there and talk about the best ways to hit those goals.

When you have clear goals, you can focus on what is important right now, not what rabbit hole you want to explore. It gives you a clear sense of direction and eliminates the wrong path.

Take an action step

When I started writing this series, I envisioned writing it for someone like I used to be. Someone who is chasing a dream but doesn’t have a bunch of disposable income, plus has a day job and the craziness of life.

If that’s you, the idea of scheduling down time is crazy. You have a dream to make a reality and don’t have time to waste. I know how you feel, I’ve been there but trust me, schedule some time off. Even if it’s just a day, do it!

If you’re already on this journey, set some goals and make sure you’re not confusing them with expectations.

When was the last time you had down time? Have you been disappointed because you had certain expectations?

How To Chase Your Dreams With a Family (Part 3)

For a long time my wife hated my dream. I would see a little success here and there and tell her about it, but she was so turned off to the dream, that the success didn’t matter.

It was my fault, at first I didn’t involve her or our kids, I just did what had to be done and used any spare time I had to work on my dream.

That’s the problem with chasing your dreams some times, it’s your dream, not your family’s. So why would they want to be a part of something they know nothing about?

Something crazy happened in year two of chasing my dream, I got smart and told my family exactly what my dream was, I laid out the whole plan, then asked them for help. That move made all the difference and is one of the main reasons I’ve seen any success.

Having their help has been invaluable and will be for you as well. As an introvert, I know how hard it is to open up sometimes but amazing things happen when you do.

So we’re moving forward in this series about chasing your dreams with a family. Having a family doesn’t have to stop you from that life that you and they deserve.

We’ve laid the foundation in talking about:

Setting up an emergency fund: You never know what surprises life will throw at you.
Doing extra work: If you need extra income to make your dream a reality.
Truly figuring out what your dream is: It may not happen overnight but be clear.
Doing proper research: If you want to get from point A to point Z, what route will you take?

Start small

I don’t know about you but I’m super inpatient, I want what I want right now! The problem with that is you tend to go big or go home. When you go big, there’s a lot more on the line and things have to work out just right.

When you start small, you don’t need as much and you’re a lot more flexible to change things up if you have to. For example: my good friend wants to open a BBQ restaurant. He could go big and get a large loan to get a building, buy equipment and hiring a bunch of people.

Going that route means his business has to be successful pretty quickly to cover all that overhead. That means going all out to bring those customers in and when they don’t come, things turn desperate and then sloppy.

He would start doing things that he’s not comfortable doing to get business and would start to hate his dream or worse, that dream would crash and burn.

He has wisely decided to start small and opened a small catering business. His overhead is low, very low. He is a one man show, so he only has to worry about himself and he knows that how hard and well he works, determines how successful the business will be.

He has a lot more freedom and can be very flexible if he has to be. He is building up a loyal customer base, one customer at a time. This is the best way to build a business, you get a really strong following this way.

It’s especially important to start small when you have a family, you’re not only trying to take care of yourself but their well-being as well. You wouldn’t want to do something that would put them at risk, would you? Start small and build upon that dream.

Be flexible

We talked about this a little in the previous point but you have to be flexible, you never know what circumstances will come up. Your dream may change and evolve and being stuck in your ways can only hurt your dream.

If you see something isn’t working, be willing to admit that and figure out what’s the next most important step. Keeping an honest, open dialogue with your family can really help you here.

If they’re involved and behind your dream, they’re just as invested as you, so they will give you some good advice. They might also see something you don’t, it’s always good to have an extra pair of eyes helping examine things.

Being flexible means that if something related to your dream affects your family in a negative way, you’re willing to change things up.

Tweetable?

Take an action step

If you haven’t already, take one small step forward with your dream. If you want to write a book, write the introduction. If you want to open a restaurant, plan a menu, you get the point.

Take that small step and feel that either and get pumped. Tell your family about that step and if possible, take it with them. They will be your biggest cheerleaders and we all need strong people in our corner.

If you’re already on the dream chasing journey, how can you simplify how you’re going about chasing that dream? How can you go about it smaller? Are you flexible? How much is your family involved?

I hope you take to heart the little challenges at the end of these posts, action is the key!

Have you started small with chasing your dream? Are you flexible?

How To Chase Your Dreams With a Family (Part 2)

I can clearly remember the day I made my first few dollars from my dream. Getting that email from Amazon telling me a stranger bought my book was exciting and scary!

After that first month I got a check from Amazon for $13.54. I was so excited I told my wife I would be quitting the bread world in a few months.

She didn’t see it like I did and we argued for two days over what was smart and what was just plain stupid. Let me say, I let my excitement blind me (duh) and she had to bring me back down to reality.

Over the next few years it took a lot more sales and a better plan to convince her my dream was capable of supporting us. The results were what convinced her that my dream was possible and something she could get behind.

Having said that, there are still times when we argue about what are the next right moves. I tend to want to jump off the cliff without a parachute and hope I land in water, my wife is the sensible one and wants to make sure there is a parachute and a back up one.

If you’re like me or you just want to see some quick results, you’re in the right place. Speaking from experience, rushing generally doesn’t work and could lead to putting your family into a dire situation.

That’s what this series is all about, showing that it’s possible to chase your dreams with a family and talk about how to realistically do it.

Last post we talked about:

Having an emergency fund
Doing extra work to pad that emergency fund or fund that dream

These two steps are the foundation for everything else we’ll talk about, without money and solid back up plan, your dream is going nowhere.

Tweetable?

Lets dive into the next steps:

Figure out exactly what your dream is

Wow, I make it sound simple, right? I know figuring out our dream is complicated and can involve years of changing and evolving. However, if you’re going to take a dream chasing journey, you must have some clue where you’re going.

Since this dream will affect your family, you HAVE to have their input. Have some family sessions where you talk through what’s on your mind and heart and get their thoughts, ideas and possible plans.

I’m not asking you to have every single step figured out this very moment, just figure out what’s the overall thing. If you got the main part down, you can start planning, saving, working towards that thing. Take some time with this one.

The key here is to make sure your dream is your dream, not something someone else told you is your dream. That’s where your family will help, they can get real and tell you the truth.

Research that dream thoroughly

The key to success in any dream, family or not, is the planning and research. What’s cool about chasing a dream with a family, is that you can enlist them to help you.

You dream will inevitable involve multiple parts, so you can assign your wife and older children different parts of the research process. The better off you guys can research and figure out the different parts, the better off your execution will be because you’ll be able to focus on the most important things.

Good research means realistic data and the right focus. It’s very easy to go down rabbit holes when you’re researching. The key is to focus on what will best get you closer to your dream, not something that looks interesting.

I  talked about Chris Brogan in the last post because the simple math method he uses is gold. Make sure your research is in-depth but try to simplify it as much as possible.

Start off with a general plan and as you take action and figure some things out, get more specific. It may sound cheesy but have family meetings and discuss where things are at. The more informed and a part of process your family is, the better. They’ll be your biggest cheerleaders.

Take an action step

We’re at the second post now and if you haven’t gotten your family involved in your dream yet, it’s time. The action step is simple: if you already haven’t, really explain your dream to your family.

I’m not talking about the surface answer, really tell them the details and your vision. If you’ve already done this, update your family where your dream is at and ask them for ideas on how to get closer to the goal.

Does your family really know what your dream is? Are they behind you? How are they involved?

One Key To Success: Answering Why

Have you ever read or seen something amazing and thought, “I’m definitely going to do that?” Why did you want to do it?

As I started to chase my dreams and transition to truly living I read every blog my eyes could handle. I listened to every podcast I could find about self-improvement on iTunes. I devoured content and was inspired every ten minutes, it was a blessing and curse!

As I started to take action and apply what I was learning something happened: it didn’t work!

What was going on? I studied, I came up with a plan and the people I learned from were really successful, so what went wrong?

Why is the engine that drives the car

I missed something very crucial, I couldn’t answer WHY I was doing what I was doing. I would write a certain way or even use a certain tool because that’s what I saw the big shots doing.

I would use social media this way, I would promote my books that way. I started this service or created that product, all because of what others had done with success.

The reason I didn’t have success and why you won’t either is because I hadn’t thought of why I should use that tool or why I should do things that certain way.

If I had thought of why I wanted to do this or that, I could have saved myself a lot of valuable time and resources.

Different situations require different actions

Great content and instruction is amazing and inspiring but not all of it is meant for you. You are unique and your dreams are unique, what worked for someone else might not work for you.

Sure you can force it and maybe see a few results but more than anything you’re taking time away from a different solution that could work much better for you.

Take great instruction you get and use the process but personalize the implementation!

Click to Tweet

The simple test with big results

If you see a new idea or something you want to try, perform the simple why test. Before you use that idea, just ask yourself why it makes sense for your situation.

Ask yourself why you think it would work and why it applies to your uniqueness. If you can answer why specifically, then you won’t waste your time or take away from a better solution.

It’s easy to get fired up from amazing content and it’s much easier to just want to copy someone else.

Click to Tweet

My why illustrated 

Now as I added these click to tweets I’ve asked myself why I would do it. I heard Derek Halpern talk about using them and I used to use them because he does.

By asking myself why I can clearly see the reason and value: people are more likely to tweet these quotes then the entire post. I put a link back to the post and when people tweet, their friends are likely to click back to here. I answered my why

See how that works?

Have you been guilty of not asking why you do something? List one example please

How Difficult Situations Can Lead To Success

Today I have the honor of interviewing author and speaker Dixie Gillaspie. She wasn’t always a successful coach, author and speaker, in this interview she actually talks about attempting suicide twice.

She has since come back from that dark place and really helped inspired people to take action. In this interview we hear her story, her dreams and the journey to them. We also hear about her book that releases today and the over $400 and $5000 in prizes/bonuses she is giving away.

She gives some great practical advice that will definitely help you chase your dreams and change your life. Enjoy the video:

 

Again, check out Dixie’s book and all the free stuff here.

You can get through them

If you have been reading this blog for a while, then you’ve seen that I’ve shared with you many of my own difficult situations and how I overcame them.

Let’s face it, we all go through difficult situations, life is full of them. The difference between the amazing and successful people like Dixie and the one’s who haven’t made it is their response.

How will you respond to a difficult situation? Will you give up or fight? Fight for your dream, fight for what’s important to your life.

When you read books like Dixie’s or so many other good books and great content, you have to learn the lesson but more importantly, you have to apply it.

Whatever it is you’re going through, know that you can get through it and if you do, you can accomplish amazing and inspiring things. If you do maybe one day I’ll be interviewing you

Have you ever had a difficult situation that lead to success?