Tim Young's Blog, page 13

Why Planning And Providing Are So Important

At week eight of our Stepping Up series with our church men’s group we dug into the importance of planning and providing. Something that not too many men think about or do.

We are told that a man is to provide for his family, right? The challenge facing most men today is that they don’t even know what authentic manhood looks like because their fathers didn’t model it out for them. I know because I was lost in this area. My father was not that compass for me growing up and a boy without a “compass” is like an explorer without a map!

Do you know what it means to provide for your family? Do you have a plan for your family?

Some do, but many don’t. Let’s dive into planning and providing — and why it’s so important.

In this weeks session Stu Weber breaks down the word “provision” for us as he reflects on one of his favorite TV programs fgrowing up as a kid, ‘Wagon Train’. In this show, Ward Bond who plays Major Seth Adams, leads a wagon train from post-Civil War Missouri to California.

The character that really resonated with Stu was Flint McCullough, who played the role of the scout. As he describes, Flint Mccullough always rode out ahead of the caravan; probing out ahead with ever-vigilant eyes checking out the trail for the safest route, keeping a lookout for Indians and scouting for the necessities such as food and water.

The whole wagon train community relied on the Flint’s experience, alert judgement and sense of direction. Stu points out that this is similar to the role of a man as provider for his family and introduces the concept of “Pro-vision” for this role.

“Pro” = before or ahead of time.

“Vision” = sight or seeing.

The idea is that “pro-vision” is the intentional act of looking ahead, providing direction, providing safe passage, anticipating needs and picking the path to the destination. Stu shares that what makes a Man is a vision — a vision for something larger than himself. A man who lives beyond the horizons, who is always looking ahead and watching out for his family…providing direction and a plan.

Planning and providing is part of a man’s leadership role in his home. Sadly many men often misplace their vision and focus on things such as; a house, car, boat, money, rising up the corporate ladder, fill in the blank ________.

At the heart of a real man’s vision is the health and welfare of his family and getting them safely to the destination. Your family (or even a group you are leading) is depending on you to set the course, they are looking to you for advance warning of storms, to determine the direction and set the pace — to lead them!

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
—Proverbs 16:9

A man needs to use his God given capacity for distance vision to encourage, give hope and protect their families. Clarity of vision is critical and a man can get the perspective he needs to lead the family if he is willing to humble himself and see it from God’s perspective.

To sum it all up, Stu shares that this “provision” formula yields — Looking ahead. Giving direction. Anticipating needs. Defining destination. Riding ahead of the wagon on scout duty!

God blessed me with a mentor and life coach in my early forties to act as my compass and to help me think about what it means to provide, to plan — to have a vision.

Dennis Rainey, President and CEO of FamilyLife ties the idea of planning and providing with this. “The men who are the best providers are those who live intentionally. They are alert, watchful, and cautious, though not fearful. They know where they are strong and where they are vulnerable. If they are married and if they have children, they also know the strengths and vulnerabilities of their family members. They are proactive in their pursuit of God, knowing that apart from Him they can do nothing (John 15:5). They have a general sense of direction for their life and for those under their care. They look to the future with faith and hope.”

So men, what is the vision for your family?

Do you have a life plan, any plan?

Image credit: “Rock Of Roseville Church”. CC license: Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0

What We Know About Leadership Is All Wrong…And Here’s Why

We are in week seven of our ten week Stepping Up series with our church men’s group. This weeks topic was about men ‘engaging with wisdom and grace’ or simply put — leadership. Why is leadership so important? Because most of us men (an women) have no clue what it really is.

When I say the word “leadership”, what does that mean to you?

At work it typically means this…

Being he boss. The perks. Money. Position. Power. Prestige. The applaud. That corner office. No one can tell me what to do. Those diplomas on the wall. Fill in the blank ________.

In the home it typically means this…

My wife must submit. My way or the highway. I’m the king! Going to “that” game is more important than being with your kids. Chasing things that we can give up. Working late. Working harder for that bigger house. My kids need to do what I say, not what I do. Fill in the blank ________.

That’s what the narrative of this world culture would have us believe, isn’t it?

What if I told you that leadership had nothing to do with you and was completely focused on others? What if I told you that it meant that the buck stops with you? What if I told you it meant being out in front leading people in the right direction with wisdom and grace?

Have you ever thought of leadership in that context? In the context of servant leadership?

If you have thought about leadership in that context, great — if not, than that’s ok too because we are going to take it a bit further…buckle up!

Defining good leadership is not an easy thing to do. Yes, there are untold number of books and many self-proclaimed leadership gurus out there that make this attempt, but not many build a foundation on “this” type of true leadership. Do you know what it is?

Biblical leadership!

Ok, wait a minute because biblical leadership is not a very clear cut topic. As you walk through the biblical stories you can find examples of great leadership such as David, Joshua, Joseph, Moses, fill in the blank ________. They had their epic successes, they had their challenges and epic failures too. The point of these stories are not to show us how lead the next strategic initiative at work or provide us with a the how-to-leadership guide at home…they are there to point us to the core of the Bible: Jesus Christ!

Iv’e been to countless leadership seminars, classes and workshops and none of them have helped to advance my leadership abilities more than looking at the life of Jesus. Biblical leadership only comes into focus when you look at the life of Christ! Don’t know where to start? Start with the book of Mark as its a book of action!

Men, lets pause and take a look at what biblical leadership is NOT!

Check out this this punch-you-in-the-face video from Pastor Mark Driscoll. Yeah he’s hit a big rough patch in his life, but who hasn’t! Anyways, its still a solid word. He calls out men at his church who have attended for years and yet still abuse, neglect, and dishonor the woman in their life. Passive men! Men lacking leadership! Mark has had enough and so should you!

Do I have your attention now?

Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.
—Proverbs 9:6

Now that you know what biblical leadership is NOT, lets jump into Mark chapter 10 to unpack what biblical leadership is. Remember what the disciples were focused on when they signed up for this Jesus thing?

Prestige power, position; they wanted to be important — the celebrities of their time. Sound familiar to how leadership was defined at the start of this article? The disciples were no different than you and I.

What does Jesus do? He reminds them of their hypocrisy, because they wanted the same control that they despised — the Romans! After exposing their hypocrisy, Jesus gets to the core of Biblical Leadership. Mark 10:45 Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

You want to lead? Great, but…

It’s not about you! It’s about sacrificing. It’s about serving. Biblical leadership requires putting others before yourself and putting the needs of others before yours. These principles that Jesus action-ed out are hard to apply when we get in a position of power, aren’t they?

In short Biblical leadership, TRUE leadership is living out love for others! Also, its not location specific — it applies to your home life, your business life and your personal life. It applies to ALL aspects of life!

In helping us further unpack what this looks like for us men, Dr. Crawford Loritts, the Senior Pastor of Fellowship Bible Church shares these 4 leadership characteristics:

1) Brokenness (not woundedness). Gets us away from self-reliance and reliance on God. (John 15:5)

2) Uncommon communion (press into God). There is always a gap in our leadership and God is that gap! (James 1:5)

3) Servanthood as an identity. Written into the heart of a great leader is caring for the people they lead. They love them. (Philippians 2:3)

4) Radical immediate obedience. A truth worth dying for. A man’s life is defined by these truths. (Acts 20:24)

Before my life blew up through divorce, I honestly thought I was leading…but I wasn’t.

Men, soak in this song from Sanctus Real and make it your prayer. Its what our wives and our kids are begging us to do — lead them with true leadership.

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
—1 Peter 3:7

Leadership is only given as a platform to serve and to love others, not as a position or a title.

Why is servant leadership at home and in the workplace so rare?

How can you do a better job at becoming a servant leader?

Men, may you truly lead your families with wisdom and grace!

Base image credit: “Jesus Washes Feet” via Free Bible Images.

3 Feelings That Hold Men Back From Taking Initiative

Passing the half way mark, we are in our sixth week of our ten week Stepping Up series with our church men’s group. This weeks topic was about men ‘taking initiative’ and wow was it eye opening and inspiring.

The basic definition of initiate is to cause or facilitate the beginning of.

Pause and think of the men, both young and old, around you. In your family, at church, in your neighborhood, at work or fill in the blank ________. Does the word initiative come to mind? Does there seem to be a lack of initiative in men today?

Hold onto that thought as we dig deeper into some great examples of men taking initiative. The list of great men who took initiative is long, but this session focused the three stories in particular.

David, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and the first responders of 911.

Lets pick up the first story with David on the battlefield.

In 1 Samuel, we read the awesome account of the confrontation of David and Goliath. The scene unfolds where David is asked by his father to bring some food down to the battle at Ephes-Dammin, which literally means “edge of blood.” At this point in the story, Goliath has been relentlessly taunting the army of Israel for thirty-nine straight days, simply beating them down through intimidation and fear. David walks into the scene on the fortieth day as Goliath continues to curse and intimidate the army of Israel. This shepherd boy looks back at one of the soldiers and says, “Who does this guy think he is and what do I get for shutting this fool up?” David stands before this giant enemy of Israel, picks up five stones and with divine line of sight, sends a stone deep into the head of Goliath sending him to his death on the ground.

(Excerpt from Heartstone Copyright © 2009 by Tim Young. All rights reserved.)

What I think is awesome is that David yells the following as he takes off running towards Goliath, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, I will strike you down and I will cut off your head.”

David took initiative!

Next up, Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Bonhoeffer has always been one of my great heroes of the faith. His battle field was the Thrid Reich and the Goliath at that time was Adolf Hitler. As Hitler was rising to power in Germany any church that broke away from the German state church was targeted. The German state church had basically sold out and sworn its allegiance to Hitler and his policies, which included, the systematic persecution and murder of Jews.

Bonhoeffer was one of the early opponents to Nazism and courageously spoke out against Hitler’s new government from the start, especially focusing on challenging Christians in Germany not to support the Nazi ideology. Insisting that the gospel was at stake, he devoted himself to church work; training pastors, preaching, and writing about the resistance he advocated. A voice crying in the wilderness.

Beyond this, he joined the German resistance movement and was believed to be part of the plot to assassinate Hitler. Bonhoeffer was arrested by the Gestapo in April 1943 and two years later was hanged at Flossenburg, only days before the American liberation of the POW camp. The last words of this courageous opponent of Nazism were, “This is the end — for me, the beginning of life.”

Alan Wolfe of The New Republic shares that “Bonhoeffer is the story of a life framed by a passion for truth and a commitment to justice on behalf of those who face implacable evil.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer took initiative!

The men (and women too) who selflessly ran into the World Trade Towers on September 11th need no introduction.

On a day that many will never forget, we awoke to learn that terrorists flew airplanes into the World Trade Towers in New York City. In the wake of this scene of insane chaos; police officers, firefighters, EMTs and volunteers took the initative and ran into the danger zone to rescue people and to contain the madness. In the process, they became heroes and powerful symbols of this country’s resilience.

Read this excerpt from ‘Welcome Back, Duke’ written by Wall Street Columnist Peggy Noonan:

It is not only that God is back, but that men are back. A certain style of manliness is once again being honored and celebrated in our country since Sept. 11. You might say it suddenly emerged from the rubble of the past quarter century, and emerged when a certain kind of man came forth to get our great country out of the fix it was in.

I am speaking of masculine men, men who push things and pull things and haul things and build things, men who charge up the stairs in a hundred pounds of gear and tell everyone else where to go to be safe. Men who are welders, who do construction, men who are cops and firemen. They are all of them, one way or another, the men who put the fire out, the men who are digging the rubble out, and the men who will build whatever takes its place.

And their style is back in style. We are experiencing a new respect for their old-fashioned masculinity, a new respect for physical courage, for strength and for the willingness to use both for the good of others.

You didn’t have to be a fireman to be one of the manly men of Sept. 11. Those businessmen on flight 93, which was supposed to hit Washington, the businessmen who didn’t live by their hands or their backs but who found out what was happening to their country, said goodbye to the people they loved, snapped the cell phone shut and said, “Let’s roll.” Those were tough men, the ones who forced that plane down in Pennsylvania. They were tough, brave guys…

Awesome!!!

These are examples of men that went forward in the face of danger. They were not passive like most men of today. They had a burning conviction to place the value of others above themselves.

How is it that men like David, Bonhoeffer and the first responders of 911 were able to take initiative while others became paralyzed or ran?

Robert Lewis, the founder of Men’s Fraternity, suggest that there are three feelings that hold men back from taking initative.

1) Feeling of passivity

2) Feeling of inadequacy

3) Feeling of fear

God created men to take initiative! Some of the areas that God (and our families) want us to take initiative are in protecting, serving and providing. Men were created to do things and accomplish thing, not to sit around and be passive. Passivity and complacency have NO place in a mans life. The sad narrative in today’s culture is that too many men sit around and wait for life to happen and only a few rise up and take initiative and make life happen.

Men its time to wake up and take initiative! Its time to lead lives of intentionality and purpose! It’s time to get amped up for the life God has given to you by pursuing His will instead of wasting it on self-indulgence.

When God calls you or your family needs you will you be ready to rock-n-roll?

What Can The Guards At Tomb Of The Unknowns Teach Us?

We are half way through our ten week Stepping Up series with our church men’s group and the finish line is slowly coming into focus. This weeks topic was about men ‘stranding firm’ and it really hit home for me. The video that kick started the session led with a byopic of the the guards that have chosen to take on the duty of guarding the Tomb Of The Unknowns.

The Tomb of the Unknowns is a monument dedicated to American service members who have died without their remains being identified. It is also known as the Tomb Of The Unknowns, but it has never been officially named. It is located in Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia, United States of America. The World War I “Unknown” is a recipient of the Medal of Honor, the Victoria Cross, and several other foreign nations’ highest service awards. The U.S. Unknowns who were interred are also recipients of the Medal of Honor, presented by U.S. Presidents who presided over their funerals.i

Even if you already know this, its worth repeating — these soldiers have NEVER left the tomb unguarded for any reason. Pause and take that in for a minute!

Why the example of the Tomb Of The Unknowns? And, why is this so important in God calling a man to step up?

Lets unpack it a bit.

In August of 2011 Hurricane Irene, ranked as the seventh-costliest hurricane in United States history, bore down on much of the mid Atlantic states. On its way north the residents of the Washington D.C. area were strongly advised to find safer quarters. That was not the case for the elite soldiers who guard the Tomb Of The Unknowns. When the hurricane hit, the soldiers remained at their posts even though they were given permission to seek shelter. Since taking over the mission on April 6, 1948, Tomb Guards from the Army’s 3rd Infantry Regiment’s “The Old Guard” have guarded the Tomb for 24 hours a day, 365 days a year regardless of the weather.

Men have you figured out where I’m going with this?

Many of us will not have the honor of serving as a guard at the Tomb Of The Unknowns, even if we wanted to, but we do have an opportunity to stand guard — to stand firm as men in our own lives. As a man, as a husband and as a father!

Let me share an excerpt from my book Heartstone of why the theme of the Tomb Of The Unknowns really hit home for me.

My kids would call me at work and ask me if I could come to one of their events, and I always responded with an excuse, telling them that my work was really important. I would get calls from my wife wondering if I would be home to eat dinner with the family or hoping that I wouldn’t be working late again. My weekends were wasted as I spent more time in the office giving more of myself to the taskmasters. I would find more and more to do to feed on the empty acceptance which never seemed to satisfy. Business trips required me to start traveling internationally, and I would always choose to travel alone without any thought of inviting my family. I would come home from a late night at the office and selfishly choose a silent retreat right into the home office to continue my work, further isolating my wife and kids. What I didn’t see was the contempt that began to take root between my wife and me. My family was slowly slipping away, and I was letting it.

(Excerpt from Heartstone Copyright © 2009 by Tim Young. All rights reserved.)

The storm of my soon-to-follow divorce was still forming, ready to strike with a vengeance because I did not guard what God had entrusted me with. I did not stand firm because my focus was elsewhere. My focus was on me.

Looking for my value, my self-worth, and my identity with position and success, I would always choose a safe retreat into my hiding place of counterfeit affirmation—selling my soul to my work. I connected love with everything else but love because I didn’t know what real love was. It wasn’t what was poured into me as kid. My mom was there, but wasn’t always present. My parents were not physically divorced, but it really felt like they were emotionally divorced. I just wanted a hug—a warm embrace.

Whatever is first poured into a child, that child is going to live out.
—David Naugle

The good news is that even tough I had to walk through the valleys of divorce for God to get a hold of me, He has placed Godly men in my life to mentor me and the relationship with my Dad is healing. You may have been taken out men, but remember — you are NEVER out of the fight!

“Here rests in honored glory an American soldier known but to God,” is the inscription Tomb Of The Unknowns and I think its a fitting connection point to the authentic manhood God is calling us to. Its not about “us” men, its about your wife, your kids, your family and those in your communities. It’s about giving up your life for the service of others and not for personal gain or recognition. Sure we all crave “the applause” but stand firm! Even when no one knows what you have done but you and God, the one who knows the true motives of your heart.

Three things that motivate a man to do the right thing from 2 Corinthians 5: The fear of God, the love of God, and the rewards of God.
Dennis Rainey

I had it “all” through the lens of the world, just read my story, but I’ve learned that authentic manhood isn’t defined by big feats or recognition or worldly achievement. It defined by putting away our selfish desires on behalf of our wives and children, serving others and seeking to better the lives of those around me. Like these soldiers, we are called to stand and do our duty while staring down the very storms that seek to rob us of our courage, taunting and tempting us to neglect our duty and abandon our posts.

I know the harsh realities of abandoning your post men, so choose this day to stand firm guard your post. Men guard it with passion and integrity. Action out what Titus 2:7-8 tells us; show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent can be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us!

That’s what a soldier does, that is what an authentic man of God does. He acknowledges the storm, but he doesn’t give in to it. He stands firm and guards his post no matter the cost.

The Sentinel’s Creed is the Tomb Guard standard and captures the true meaning of their duty.

My dedication to this sacred duty

is total and whole-hearted.

In the responsibility bestowed on me

never will I falter.

And with dignity and perseverance

my standard will remain perfection.

Through the years of diligence and praise

and the discomfort of the elements,

I will walk my tour in humble reverence

to the best of my ability.

It is he who commands the respect I protect,

his bravery that made us so proud.

Surrounded by well meaning crowds by day,

alone in the thoughtful peace of night,

this soldier will in honored glory rest

under my eternal vigilance.

– Simon 1971

Men, let’s finish strong!

I will leave you with this thought. If these soldiers can stand guard over the unknown dead, how much more important is it that we men stop focusing on ourselves and stand guard over those who are still living — our wives and our children?

Will you decide today to stand firm and guard your post — no matter what?

i Tomb of the Unknowns. In Wikipedia. Retrieved February 21, 2015, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomb_of_....

Image credit: “Tomb Of The Unknowns” via Wikepedia. Labeled For Reuse.

David Murrow

Banish the word facilitator from your vocabulary. Men follow leaders, not facilitators. Jesus led, and so must we.

4 Characteristics Of Authentic Manhood

We are in our third week of week of the Stepping Up series with our church men’s group. Today we journeyed through defining what is authentic manhood?

Defining authentic manhood is tough, because we don’t see it much in our modern progressive culture. In today’s world view the very idea of manhood has been emasculated and masculinity is under attack. The dominant narrative throws out labels such as clueless, knucklehead, bumbling idiot, fill in the blank ________.

Voddie Baucham, pastor at Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring Texas shares that if you could package up todays definition of “manhood” it would the three B’s: billfold, ball-field and bedroom. Being a man in today’s standards is about how much you make, what do you do (focus on athletes) and how are with the ladies. Wow, does today s culture have it wrong!

Heartstone Journey starts the conversation around authentic manhood with Jesus Christ as the model. Why? Because He is the model!

Unfortunately, most of us men don’t follow this model. We follow the Adam model and here’s why.

Adam, the first real man — did absolutely nothing. He did not step up and denied his very nature and chose the path of passivity. Here is the rub guys, everyone of us carries in his heart the same failure. We repeat the sin of Adam, every day. We won’t take risk, we won’t stand up and fight, and guys we won’t even rescue Eve. We are a chip off the old block! When it came to leadership and courage, Adam became a spectator.

We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done.
—Theodore Roosevelt

In our journey into authentic manhood we can’t do it alone and we need a source of strength to help establish our steps. A navigator, a compass — a solid role model. That role model starts with Jesus Christ!

Jesus did not live in passivity or back down from responsibility, He rejected passivity and invaded the issues the head on.

God is my strength and power, and He makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on my high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. “You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your gentleness has made me great. You enlarged my path under me; so my feet did not slip.
—2 Samuel 22:33-37

Lets break man’s responsibility into three pieces: the will to obey, a woman to love (kids might come with that) a work to do. In contrast to the story of Adam and Eve lets see how Jesus action these out: He is consistently doing the will of His Father, He laid His life down down for His bride (the Church) and He finished the work He came to do at the Cross!

Adam reduced humanity and Jesus redeemed it!

Ok, this is awesome, but how does this define authentic manhood?

Here is what we can learn from Jesus and Robert Lewis, the founder of Men’s Fraternity, simplifies it for us with these four characteristics:

1) Rejects passivity

2) Expects God’s greater reward

3) Accepts responsibility

4) Leads courageously

Men I am not suggesting that you run out and get crucified, but move away from the Adam model and step up to the Jesus model of manhood. Do you need to get it right all the time? No. Is God expecting perfection? No. What we need to do is step up and become men, because the world is craving for real authentic men and our our families desperately need leadership in the home. Men they are they are looking for you to step up and man up!

Are you ready to step up and reject passivity?

Are you ready to stop living for yourself and step into the reward God has for you?

Are you ready to step up and accept responsibility for being a man, a father, a husband?

Are you ready to step up and live courageously from your heart?

Base Image credit: Walking Feet – Pixaby. Free for commercial use.

Fathers, Are You Making This 1 Huge Mistake?

Another powerful snow storm with blizzard conditions was hammering us in New Hampshire this past weekend. This was another in a series of storms that have been delivering heavy snow, wicked winds and significant snow accumulations on top of an already 2+ feet of snow.

We hunkered down in the family room around the warmth of the wood burning stove and decided to rent a movie. Ready to give up on the vast listing of non-interesting moves we came across ‘The Judge’ with Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall.

Quick synopsis. Robert Downey Jr. plays Hank Palmer, a successful defense attorney in Chicago, who finds himself returning to his childhood hometown to attend his mothers funeral. Early on we see the stress fractures of his “picture perfect” life played out in a bitter divorce narrative as he walks out the door to head home.

If you go online and visit the common places for movie reviews you might skip over this movie because it got beaten up a bit by the movie critics. What do the critics know, right? I thought the movie was engaging and deeply moving and it hit a really BIG chord with me.

What chord was that?

The importance of a fathers approval!

On his journey home, Hank is reunited with his estranged father, the town’s judge (Robert Duvall) and we learn that there’s no love lost between the two men. After paying his respects, Hank says “this family’s a F#@!$$ Picasso painting” as he attempts to make a quick escape after the wake. With one foot out of the door everything changes as he learns that his father has been arrested on hit and run charges—quite possibly even premeditated murder. Hank chooses to defend his father and we are plunged into the deeper story line of a successful man returning home to confront his childhood demons — his father, mostly. Later during the trial Hank discovers the truth behind the case and this Picasso painting jumps off the canvas. The truth behind the case pulls together this dysfunctional family, revealing the struggles and hushed family secrets.

Many of the reviews paint this movie as just another classic father-son struggle drama, focusing on the predictable plot around Hank taking on the murder trial of his father. I would argue that this is not the core of the movie at all — the core is the importance of a fathers approval. This is not just a cliche struggle, it is THE struggle because a son needs to get that approval from his father.

Why did this story hit home for me?

Growing up I so longed to hear these words from my father, to be affirmed by him. Not hearing these words had a significant impact in my life…it defined me. I had no compass, my rudder was broken…I was lost without a purpose. In my book Heartstone, I describe this emptiness as an intense silent sorrow that I carried with me every day of my life.

This lost, hurt “little boy” inside this hardened, calloused shell of a man would weep with an intense sorrow almost every day as empty, silent tears, hidden so deep within the dark chambers of relentless anguish, would go unheard. What this “little boy” so longed and hoped for was the precious gift, the affirmation of the Father, the healing words that would remove the deep scars of brokenness: “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” With such acceptance so void in my life, this respect-starved man of emptiness simply concluded that more work, greater accumulation of symbols of success and worldly praise would finally give me the strength to come out of my hiding place and hear the life-healing words.

(Excerpt from Heartstone Copyright © 2009 by Tim Young. All rights reserved.)

This narrative is too prevalent in a boys journey to manhood and fathers need to step up see the significance of this in the lives of his kids!

I finally heard the life changing words in my late thirties and it was like a 3 ton gorilla was lifted off of my back. Hank Palmer heard them at the end of the movie fishing with his dad. After the Judge is released from prison. Hank picks him up and they go fishing. The Judge tells him that before when Hank asked him who the best lawyer he ever saw was, he was wrong. The best lawyer he ever saw was Hank. Hank finally gets his dad’s approval.

This scene really pulled at my heart strings because I know the significance of this!

Yes, I’ve spent the better part of my life looking for the approval of my father. A longing that has led me to replace relationship for career, love for advancement, and defining my self-worth and manhood to paychecks and titles.

Yes, I carried a deep seeded hatred of my father for years in the pursuit of his approval.

….but, here is what God taught me through all of this.

I learned that this in no way should be used as a judgment against my father! Why? Because no one can give away what he or she has never received.

I began to realize that my dad did recognized many of his own father’s shortcomings and made attempts to “do things different”. Like many parents he wanted more for his kids than he was given, but his own father never modeled this out for him.

I learned that God uses some of our most significant life challenges as our classroom to learn some of our greatest life lessons. I don’t condemn or hold my father responsible for what he couldn’t give me, in fact, I appreciate what he did — because he showed me the importance of a father’s approval.

Courage Robbers: The Top 10 Things Men Fear Most

I am amped up to be one of the group leaders for a 10 week series our Men’s Ministry group is spearheading at our church called, “Stepping Up”. I was encouraged to see 80+ men decide to take this journey with us to step up into Biblical manhood, despite the crazy snow storm that was raging on outside.

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” -1 Corinthians 16:13-14

After watching the inspiring session one video, which highlighted the courageous story of Red Erwin an airman of the Los Angeles B-29 Super-fortress, I met the five men assigned to my group who will be taking this journey with me. Great bunch of guys with diverse backgrounds and a ton of baggage that most men carry with them, including me. As I was going through the weekly exercises I paused at the section called ‘Courage Robbers’ because so many of us men just get paralyzed by courage robbers.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
—Anais Nin

Here is an excerpt from my book Heartstone where I share a snippet of dealing with some of my own courage robbers:

I love the scene from J. R. R Tolkien’s “The Return of the King” where Aragon is desperately outnumbered. He looks fear right in the eye and finds the strength to inspire his men against what seems like an almost certain defeat against the massive forces of the enemy. Standing firm and riding in front of his army, he declares,

I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.

A day may come when the courage of men fails,

when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship,

…but it is not this day! This day we fight!

By all that you hold dear on this good earth,

I bid you stand…

Sounds so easy in the movies, doesn’t it? Ambrose Redmoon defines courage as not having the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. “God, I am afraid, but give me the courage to push through my fears, the burdens of a passive spirit and the regret of my past failures.” It was time for me to take up the sword of the Spirit, the word of God and to go to war on behalf of righteousness; it was time to begin the battle for my children! All this stuff, the garbage that has burdened my life for so long and all the generational issues that had been passed down, had to end with me. I did not want any of this to be passed down to my children, and I asked the Lord to do whatever He needed to do in my life to free my children of these chains and burdens that I have carried for so long. Unfortunately, I had to walk through another failed marriage for me to really get this. To break free of old patterns, to stand up and become the man God called me to be.

(Excerpt from Heartstone Copyright © 2009 by Tim Young. All rights reserved.)

In dealing with some of my own courage robbers the supplemental reading of lesson one shares the anecdotal Greek Mythology tale of Sisyphus.

There’s a story in Greek mythology of a king named Sisyphus, the legendary founder of the city of Corinth. Sisyphus had a pride problem, and for this Zeus gave him a creative punishment: roll a boulder up a hill. No big deal, except that it was rigged so that each time he came close to the top, he would lose control and the boulder would roll back to the bottom. For all eternity he was banished to perform this beastly burden—always in sight of the goal, but never reaching it. Men know in their hearts what it means to act courageously. They know what needs to be done, yet many never quite get there. Something steps in the way and that boulder goes rolling back to the bottom once again. Robbed of courage, they decide it’s easier just to recline on the boulder in the valley and give up the fight.i

Wow…”Men know in their hearts what it means to act courageously. They know what needs to be done, yet many never quite get there!” This is so true for so many men, isn’t it?

What is robbing you of your courage?

Here is a list of the the top 10 things men fear:ii

10) Going to the doctor

9) Being wrong

8) Public speaking

7) Commitment

6) Being an inadequate lover

5) Poor health

4) The risk of financial loss

3) Not being a good husband or father

2) Appearing to need help

1) Failure

Men we live in a generation where backbone is needed more than ever and we need to identify and face our courage robbers head on. Authentic men who truly serve Jesus Christ will need to be less like Mister Rogers and more like Aragorn marching on the Black Gates of Mordor. The enemy of our souls isn’t conceding anything, so why are we? Our Commander-In-Chief Jesus Christ finished it on the cross so why are we conceding not merely inches, but miles of territory to a foe who is beaten?

God probably isn’t calling you to lead a nation into battle, but He does have work for you to do. And there’s a chance that some of that work will require more than you feel you have to give. At first, you might make excuses…or question God…or hide in a bunker. But listen. Can you hear it? The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor!
—Dennis Rainey

There is a courageous freedom God is calling us into and our wives, our kids and the world desperately needs men who have pushed the boulder of courage of the hill that robs us.

What is it for you?

If you could pinpoint that one thing you need to do get that boulder of courage over the hill what would it be?

i Rainey, Dennis. Stepping Up Video Series Workbook. Little Rock, AK. FamilyLife Publishing: 2012.

ii “Top Ten Things Men Fear,” FearOfStuff, accessed May 24, 2012, http://www,fearofstuff.com/headline/t....

Image credit:The Return of the King. © New Line Home Entertainment, A Time Warner Company. Labeled For Reuse.

3 Super Bowl Ads That Challenged Today’s Culture

If you haven’t noticed, in today’s culture the very idea of fatherhood is under attack. The narrative highlighted by the media, movies and society throws out labels such as clueless, knucklehead, bumbling idiot, fill in the blank ________.

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of seeing these ads that leave you with a dads biggest contribution to child rearing is the narrative “yes dear” as their wives do all the work!

Superbowl 49 was an awesome game! I’m one of those Patriots fan that jumped off the couch when Butler intercepted that pass in the end zone with seconds to go, but also I noticed major brands deciding to take on fatherhood and it got noticed. During the game that was seen by more than 100 million people, these ads showcased dads as they really are; loving, caring, supportive, helpful, courageous, protective, masculine and a major part in their children’s lives. What a concept!

Each ad pulled at my heart strings, so lets take a look at each of them.

The first one up was Dove with their #RealStrength Men+Care ad. The ad celebrates fatherhood with a series vignettes showing children interacting with their dads calling him “Daddy,” “Da-Da” or “Dad.” Awesome!

The next one up was the Nissan #WithDad ad that builds off of the song ‘Cats In The Cradle’ by Harry Chapin. The song is about a father who is too busy at work and can’t spend much time with his son. This ad tackled the growing trend of dads caught in the tractor beam of their professional careers. This was tough to watch as I lived and breathed this narrative, but loved the ending!

Last up is the #OneBoldChoice My Bold Dad ad by Toyota. This ad zero’s in on the narrative that being a dad is a choice and a big one. One that will inspire responsibility and character in their kids who will one day make their own choices. Hopefully good ones!

Hey men! Our actions and our words have an incredible impact on our kids! Are you your son’s first hero? Are you your daughter’s first love? Are you being a student of your wife?

The world shouts at us men through a megaphone that we find our identity in our careers and our stuff. This is a lie! Men, we need a new identity…it’s called being a dad. Lets step it up and be Dad’s, because #DadsDoMatter!

I write many articles on inspiring fathers to step up and lead their families, check them out!

Which ad was your favorite and why?

Is the narrative on dads in the media starting to change?

What do you think about the way dads are portrayed in media today?

7 Things We Can Learn From Joseph When Our Life Sucks

Have you ever experienced a crisis in your life? Persecution? Being mistreated by someone? You got a raw deal? Stuck in the “life’s not fair” narrative? Life just keeps knocking you down? Or [fill in the blank________]!

I have walked through hardships and many tough circumstances. I completely understand that walking through any of these is not fun, but there is a nugget that most of us never pick up through these difficult times.

You will quickly discover how real your relationship with Jesus Christ is in the midst of these tough places.

Your response to any of the trials that life throws at you will reveal what’s really inside of you and it will reveal the depth of your relationship with Jesus! When we step into one of these narratives we have choices; we can trust our circumstance to the Lord or deal with them in our own strength and probably crash and burn.

We all have dreams but often the reality of our life doesn’t line up with the picture we’ve painted in our minds, right?

Do you ever have those moments where you ask God, “why me?” I know I do! I wrote an article sharing a glimpse of the trials of Corrie ten Boom and realized that a huge illusion we have about our life, is that somehow we are in complete control of it.

Let’s take a deeper dive by stepping into the story of Joseph, the Old Testament guy.

Let’s pick up his story in Genesis 37. Joseph was seventeen years old, he was a shepherd and he was the favorite son of Jacob. Remember the coat of many colors that Jacob made for him? Joseph is living the dream.

In the midst of “living the dream” something was brewing behind the scenes. A hatred for Joseph began to take hold in his brothers fueled by this favoritism. Joseph being overconfident and clueless about this growing hatred, steps right onto a land mine by rubbing this dream about his future supremacy and his brothers’ submission to him. How do you think that went over? Well, it intensified their hatred towards him and they wanted to kill him.

This stunt got Joseph a one way trip to a death pit. One of his brothers manged to rescue him by convincing the others to sell him to a caravan heading to Egypt instead of killing him, so off to Egypt Joseph went.

The Lord was with Joseph!

Hmmm…Joseph was no longer “living the dream” and probably was thinking that life sucked right about now, but the Lord was with Joseph.

Going to pick up the pace of the story a bit.

In a moment, Joseph’s life was changed from being the beloved son to a slave in the unknown land of Egypt. Upon his arrival his sightseeing was cut short because he was sold to Pharaoh’s captain Potiphar to be a servant in his house, but the Lord was with Joseph.

Picking the story back up in Genesis 39, things were starting to shape up for Joseph. Potiphar entrusted him with charge of all of his house affairs due to his work ethic. Pretty cool, huh? Not really, because it was short lived. Due to the false accusation of Potiphar’s wife to her husband, because Joseph would not sleep with her, Joseph was cast into prison. Joseph paid the price for impeccable integrity, but the Lord was with Joseph.

At this point you might argue, why didn’t God rescue him from his troubles?

Great question, but let’s keep going with the story.

Joseph found favor with the guards in prison and things were going well for being in prison. Later, because of his divine ability to interpret dreams, he thought he was going to get out by helping the chief cupbearer (who was also in prison)…that falls through — but The Lord was with Joseph.

When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers, don’t treat them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realise that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you have become men of mature character with the right sort of independence.
—James 1:2–4

Two years later, the cupbearer (who was now out of prison) remembers Joseph’s divine ability to interpret dreams because Pharaoh was deeply troubled by a dream he had and no one could figure it out. Joseph gets a get-out-of-jail-free card and finds himself standing before Pharaoh, the most powerful man on the planet at the time to see if he could give it a go.

Because the Lord was with Joseph, he interprets the dream to a future time of abundance that would be followed by a time of great famine. Pharaoh rewarded Joseph with overseeing the lands of Egypt and in these prosperous times he stored up the abundant harvest in preparation for tough times ahead.

So after many years of suffering and struggle, God made Joseph the most influential person second to Pharaoh in all known world at that time. His wisdom and planning saved lives of people from not only Egypt but many other nations. This is where the plot thickens because the famine brings his brothers from Israel to Egypt.

How does it end?

Remember the mistreatment that Joseph endured at the hands of his own brothers? Well, he forgave them and persuaded them to settle in Egypt with their father, Jacob during the time of famine.

And I love how the story comes full circle in Genesis 50:19 – 21; Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

Awesome!

Many Christians assume that in these situations that God is not with them. Most of us forget that the message of Scripture is very clear that God is most powerfully present in these tough situations.

I find it inspiring that through all the trials and temptations that Joseph was faced with; he showed integrity, honesty, solid work ethics, his actions showed a confidence in God and he was faithful to God even when it didn’t feel like God was being faithful to him. Wow!

Don’t abandon your God given values in pursuit of your God given dreams.
—Pete Wilson

So often we’re haunted by the things that God “could have done” in our lives, but He didn’t. We all have a really important decision – will we put our faith in God or in our circumstances? When you find yourself in a situation where you feel like God doesn’t care, put your faith in what Scripture tells us about the nature of God. Remember, “He will never leave you or forsake you.”

Many of us get stuck in the “what God is NOT doing” narrative. Or many of us get stuck treating God like a genie, thinking that if we jump through enough religious hoops He will somehow grant us whatever we want. That’s not how it works and that’s why we ALL need to get to the place where Joseph was — trusting God despite our circumstances.

Let’s bring it all together with some lessons we can all learn from Joseph’s life:

1) God’s plans and purposes are far greater than our own!

2) God provides and blesses those who persevere to follow Him.

3) Suffering to God’s people is not always bad! God can use the most painful time of our life for His good.

4) There is value in self-control living in the do-whatever-you-want culture.

5) God honors patience and perseverance in time of troubles.

6) Strive for honesty and strong work ethics. They are sadly missing these days.

7) There is something to be said about fear of Lord and faithfulness to Him.

Even though your life might suck right now, do you have the courage to trust God despite your current circumstances?