Ros Clarke's Blog, page 21

Rating my books

There was a post on Smart Bitches yesterday about authors giving their own books 5* ratings. I have never, ever been tempted to rate or review my own books. How weird would that be? But if I were to rate them, I certainly wouldn’t give them 5 stars. So I commented, with what I think I might rate my books and someone said that was actually useful as a guide to where to start reading them. Um, okay? So here’s what I think of my books:

The Tycoon’s Convenient Wife: 3*

Reckless Runaway at the Racecourse: 3.5*

All I Want For Christmas: 4.5*

Table for One: 4*

The Oil Tycoon and Her Sexy Sheikh: 4.5*

Twelve Days: 3.5*

I am mean. I hardly ever give books 5 stars and certainly not my own. I am far too aware of all their flaws for that. And I hope that I am getting better at writing, so I need to leave room for improvement. But also, different books work for different people. And my feelings about the books are connected with the process of writing them. I like Reckless Runaway partly because it was so much fun to write. The Oil Tycoon was a nightmare process but I’m proud of the end result. And so on. I’m the least impartial judge of my own books, so don’t trust what I say!

If you’ve read any of them, I’d be genuinely interested to know which you like best/least and why.

Christmas Bundle Giveaway!

The lovely and talented Diane Dooley has teamed up with me to bundle together our three Christmas short stories in a fabulous giveaway. I’m giving away copies of All I Want For Christmas and Twelve Days. Diane’s giving away a copy of her fabulous new book, That Night.

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I was lucky enough to beta read That Night last year and I’m so excited that it’s now been published. It’s a lovely little story about romance-novel-reading workaholic Lindy and her “awful, terrible, embarrassing, how-could-she-look-him-in-the-eye-ever-again” Very Big Mistake, Alex. They get double-booked in a cabin over Christmas and Alex won’t let Lindy keep pretending That Night didn’t happen. With her very own Greek Billionaire (well, not quite), how can she resist?

So how do you win this glorious bundle?

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Simple. Leave a comment on this post. And for another chance to win the same bundle, head over to Diane’s blog and leave a comment there, too.

ETA: forgot to say that my giveaway will end at midnight (GMT) on Tuesday 18th Dec.

Entangled under the mistletoe: WINNER!

And the winner is: Ellen T

Ellen wrote:

My favorite Christmas song is Mary, Did You Know? I also llke Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Christmas in Sarajevo. Thanks for the giveaway!

I don’t know either of those songs, but I’ll be checking them out this year.

Ellen, I’ll be in touch with you to send your prize.

Everyone else, stay tuned because I’m announcing another awesome giveaway later today…

Royalties: fact and fantasy

I used to be a maths teacher. Did you know that? It feels like a very long time ago. I left full time teaching in 1999 and the last time I was in a classroom was 2001. So it is quite a long time ago. I still like maths, I just don’t much like children.

Anyway, what that means is, when faced with lots of interesting numbers, I want to analyse them.

Here’s what I’ve earned from my books so far:

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You’ll notice how the figures increase over time, especially in the last six months.

Because I don’t get paid every month, I wanted to see how the figures would average out as a monthly salary, so I took a three monthly rolling average. Both Entangled and Smashwords (my biggest payers) pay quarterly, so three months seemed a sensible amount. Those are the figures in the third column. This is what they look like as a graph over time:

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The three bumps broadly correlate to the months when I received my first royalty payments for each of my Entangled books. The royalties for the other books mostly increase each time, as well as the extra from an additional book. The graph is a bit lumpy and bumpy but it looks like it correlates to an exponential curve. That is a VERY good thing. Because look, if we extrapolate from those figures, this is the graph we end up with:

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See it whoosh upwards! I haven’t done any actual forecasting on the basis of new books, or including the advance I’m due for the foreign rights sale, and so on. So obviously, this is the fantasy part of the analysis. It depends on me working hard, producing more books that people want to buy and having a lot of things fall into place. I don’t really anticipate that this time next year my monthly income will be of the order of £8000, but a girl can dream, right?

Right:

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With this analysis in place, I can predict that I will hit my first million in December 2015 and my first billion in December 2017. And if you believe that, you’ll believe anything.

Entangled Under the Mistletoe

[image error] Don’t forget to check out what the other authors participating in the hop are giving away! There are over 50 authors participating and some amazing prizes on offer.

To celebrate this Christmas, I’m giving away copies of both my Christmas novellas:

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And I’m also including a set of handmade Christmas ornaments.

[Pics to follow later when they're finished. They're pretty, I promise!]

So how do you win all this Christmas goodness? Just leave me a comment to tell me your favourite Christmas song. Or least favourite. just leave a comment about something else. It’s all good. Deadline for entries is midnight (GMT) at the end of Dec 14th.

ETA: So long as your email is in your comment form, you don’t have to include it in the comment itself. It’ll disappear into my dashboard so I can contact you but no one else will see it.

And just to whet your appetite, here’s a little excerpt from Twelve Days:

On The First Day Of Christmas

“Stay there.”

Laurel stayed. They’d had another six inches of snow overnight, but Kevin had already shoveled part of their driveway. She stood on a dry patch, wrapped in her charcoal gray woolen overcoat, with a soft blue cashmere scarf and matching hat pulled on tightly to cover her ears. Her feet were thrust into sheepskin boots, but even so the chill of the ground was starting to seep through. She shifted from one foot to the other and sipped at her coffee, grateful for its warmth.

“How much longer?” she called to Kevin, who was attaching something to the garage door. He stepped back and she could see it was a camera. What on earth had he planned?

“Any moment now,” he yelled back. “Hold on.”

He’d woken her ten minutes earlier with a cup of her favorite Starbucks caramel latte and then told her to come outside for her Christmas gift. She’d been hoping for jewelry. Maybe perfume and a couple of books. Nothing on her list was too big to fit inside the house. She’d bought him a leather iPad cover and a sage green cashmere sweater to match his eyes. It would be really, really awkward if he’d bought her a car. Or a pony. She didn’t even like ponies, but she couldn’t think what else she would need to come outside for.

Kevin had disappeared completely. Laurel squinted to see if he was in the car, or hidden behind the large pine tree. The camera was still on the garage roof, and it seemed to be pointing in her direction. Someone began singing a carol. Even on Christmas Day, eight o’clock in the morning was a bit early for singing in Laurel’s opinion—especially the one about the partridge that went on forever.

A group of workmen strolled down the street, carrying their ladders and tools. Someone must be paying them good money to work today.

Kevin’s house was in a great neighborhood just outside the city limits. It wasn’t large, but it was plenty big enough for the two of them. Around the corner, though, the streets were lined with vast mansions owned by the super wealthy and the old Philadelphia families.

Other people had joined in with the carol singing. Laurel had no idea where Kevin had gone to get her present, but there was plenty to distract her. A woman in a scarlet coat had stopped on the sidewalk opposite Laurel and set down a big pot with a tree in it. Two large pears hung from its branches and a plush bird had been tied on top.

A partridge in a pear tree.

Behind the woman, the workmen were setting up a simple scaffold on which one of them hung a bird cage holding two turtle doves. Well, that’s what she assumed they were, though they looked more like pigeons. The singers had already reached the three French hens verse, and on cue a chicken ran across the road. Two more followed, running rings round the man who was attempting to herd them into a cage underneath the scaffold. The whole song was coming alive around her.

Everyone was singing and Laurel had begun to grin, caught up in the infectious enthusiasm of the performers. The workmen had gone to stand behind the scaffold, and at the start of the next verse, four cut out cardboard birds popped up, each holding a large telephone to its ear.

Four calling birds.

She groaned and laughed simultaneously. Then, with a dramatic pause, the whole chorus reached the climactic moment of the song.

Five gold rings.

Laurel looked around, but no one came forward with anything to represent the rings. The singers took a breath and continued through the calling birds, the French hens, the turtle doves, and the partridge in a pear tree. The rest of the song was pure carnival. Six geese had to be herded into place by seven ballerinas in costumes from Swan Lake. Eight dairymaids and nine ballroom dancers paraded down the street, joining the carefully choreographed performance. Ten men in crimson and fur robes pretending to be lords leapt and pranced their way into the dance, eleven bagpipers marched proudly up the road, and finally twelve drummers in solemn formation lined up in their allotted places. It was a Christmas flash mob, and it was fabulous.

Half the neighborhood had come out to see what was happening. Cameras clicked, children were hoisted onto their fathers’ shoulders, and everyone joined in the carol. A glorious cacophony of voices, birds, bagpipes, and drums celebrated Christmas in the old song. The impromptu choir took a deep breath and began the final verse:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

As each group was mentioned in the song, they bowed to Laurel. She smiled and waved in acknowledgement, laughing at the sheer ridiculous exuberance of it all. The geese squawked through their line and the singers continued. Five gold rings. The notes hung in the air and everyone watching was silent. The performers shuffled slightly to create a path through the crowd. Kevin came forward, his lips tilted into a nervous smile and his eyes glued to hers.

Twelve Days

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On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… a flashmob proposal.

All Kevin wants is to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loves. He’s been planning the perfect proposal for months. He never planned what would happen if she said ‘no’.



On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… a diamond ring.

The last thing Laurel wants or expects for Christmas is a big flashy diamond ring. She’d been hoping for a pile of books or perhaps a cashmere sweater. In her experience, marriage is the quickest way to kill a happy relationship. When Kevin gets down on one knee, she panics and runs.



On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… a rescue puppy and a trip to Hawaii.

He knows he’s pushed too hard and too fast. Now he’s scrambling to hold on to the best thing that’s ever happened to him, while she’s running hard and fast in the opposite direction. How could it all go so wrong in just twelve days?

Twelve Days: coming soon!

My new Christmas short story is going to be available to buy very soon.

Here’s a sneak peek at the cover:

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Isn’t it pretty? Can you guess what the story is about?

Yes, there’s snow.

And a diamond ring.

And at the end of the twelve days of Christmas, there’s a happy ending.

More details coming very soon…

Twenty-four days

Gulp. How can it be only twenty-four days until Christmas? I really need to spend some time with my diary and work out how on earth I’m going to get everything done between now and then.

The good news is that today is the first day of Kate Evangelista’s Twenty Four Days of Blog Posts and Giveaways – and I am the featured author! Head over here to see what I’m talking about and what I’m giving away. You’re going to want to enter, I guarantee. And don’t forget to check back every day until Christmas to see what other good things she’s got lined up.

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Book meme

The book I am reading: Baby, It’s Cold Outside

The book I am writing: Reforming the Rake: Book 1 of what I plan to be a Restoration Rakes Trilogy

The book I love most: This is HARD. I think it’s Venetia. I do not think that is the best book I have ever read, but it is unalloyed joy to me, from beginning to end. (I’ve no idea who that is on the cover, btw. They don’t look anything like Venetia and Damerel. Maybe Edward Yardley?)

The last book I received as a gift: The One That Got Away, from the lovely Kelly Hunter who posted it at great expense from the Other Side of the World. This isn’t on sale yet. I shall be reviewing it when it is, because it was very interesting indeed. Also good.

The last book I gave as a gift: I can’t remember. But I have one to give as a gift next week for my godson’s 8th birthday.

The nearest book: The One That Got Away

The last book I bought: The Importance of Being Wicked. Bought, inhaled, loved, waiting for the next one…

WEMBLEY

When I put ‘Be in the audience for a radio or TV show. Preferably Strictly’ on my list, I never actually thought it would be Strictly. So when F got tickets for the recording at Wembley last week, my excitement was unconfined.

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It was BRILLIANT. CAPSLOCK BRILLIANT.

We had seats that were not up in the gods (good for my fear of heights) and could see everything on the dancefloor, though we were behind the judges so we couldn’t see them. A good number of people in the audience wore sequins and/or other sparkly outfits, though a lot wore dull jeans and jumpers. Wasted opportunity. We had dressed up, natch.

The day began with the recording of the opening group dance, complete with Bruno and Craig descending from the ceiling. I was impressed that the dance was filmed in essentially one take. The co-ordination of different dancers, the Royal Marines band, and the cameramen running in and out between them was seriously impressive.

Then it was time for KYLIE. Doing the Locomotion. She was so fab. They did this twice because one of the dancers fell off her chair. Nobody minded, because it was KYLIE.

Brucie came out and did a few minutes warm up before the show. Some sitting down tap dancing and a song. He was genuinely cross and bewildered by all the lighting effects and had to have the words of the song on cue cards on the floor. It was the clearest evidence yet that he is too old for this job. Please can someone tell him.

The live show was… well, the live show. You’ve seen it, you know what happens. The set moving is incredibly slick and everything runs like clockwork. Tess doesn’t watch the dances and she mostly avoids being anywhere near Brucie. Being able to see all the footwork is interesting – the celebrity dancers really aren’t quite as good as I was expecting. The standing ovations are spontaneous – a few brave Westlife fans stood up after Nicky’s dance but no one else joined them. The crowd love Lisa most.

After the live show, we had twenty minutes to eat and go to the loo, before they began recording Sunday’s group dance. I loved this one and it was definitely better in real life where you could see the whole thing.

The staging for Girls Aloud took forever to set up and their performance was my least favourite part of the whole thing. They were fine, but just not my cup of tea. Poor Kimberley had to rush from that to get changed for the results – everyone was waiting on stage for her.

The best thing about being there live is CLAUDIA. Claudia who is brilliant on TV is utterly hilarious in real life. Pulling faces at the camera, being naughty with Tess, telling the audience off, complaining about having to read out for literally an hour about Scotland, whatever. I wish she would present everything on TV ever.

So, results. Len’s lens. Claudia chatting. More results. Tess doing some linky bits. Audience pretending to be excited that they are about to hear Kylie. Dance off.

Results show very bitty and much less carefully scheduled than the live show. Tess dramatically more relaxed and confident when Bruce isn’t in the room, but actually very professional throughout. I was much more impressed by her than I expected to be.

I was disappointed by the orchestrated booing of Craig and cheering of Len. I like Craig and I think he is the best judge. On the whole, though, I thought the warm-up guy did an extremely good job of keeping the audience going for 6 hours and explaining what was happening and what we needed to be doing. He had audience members sitting in the judges’ chairs doing impressions of them, and was giving out signed books and so on. It was a bit like being at a very long pantomime.

It was a very long day. I spent most of Sunday sleeping. But I would go again in a heartbeat. It was pure unalloyed fun, and there isn’t enough of that in life.