Jim Vuksic's Blog, page 12

Some of my Best Ideas Have Come from Others - or - Why I Choose Not to Spit

Don't become upset when someone disagrees with your personal opinion, philosophy and/or beliefs. Instead, take the time to ponder and understand the reasoning behind the disagreement. Occasionally changing one's mind and admitting when one is wrong are not signs of weakness or indecisiveness. Learning is an endless process. Some of my best ideas have come from others.

Rather than taking the time to discern why their opinion is being challenged, some automatically become defensive and immediately counter attack. Unfortunately, Instead of refuting a statement with logic and fact, they sometimes resort to sarcasm, veiled insults and/or factoids based solely upon some vague personal experience that cannot be verified.

There are situations when capitulation or compromise is not possible and opponents must agree to disagree. However, if an intelligent debate devolves into a spitting match, the end result is always the same and, therefore, predictable. Nothing will be resolved and all of the participants will end up covered in spit.

The Ten Commandments for Aspiring Writers (Handed Down by a Non-Prophet Reader)

I. Thou shall not attempt to write a book until thou hast learned how to write.
(Develop a working knowledge of correct grammar, punctuation, spelling and syntax.)

II. Thou shall not publish until thou hast produced a work worthy of publication.
(Be patient. Write, re-write, proofread, polish and finalize to the best of your ability.)

III. Thou shall not edit thy own work.
(The eye often sees what the brain anticipates that it will see rather than what is actually there.)

IV. Thou shall create or obtain the best quality design work possible.
(The cover and layout design may attract or discourage potential readers.)

V. Thou shall have as many formats of thy work available as possible.
(Different readers and commercial vendors prefer different formats: print, electronic, audio.)

VI. Thou shall insure that thy promotional tools are effective and appealing.
(Blurbs, excerpts, advertisements, blog posts and websites should be concise and polished.)

VII. Thou shall not spam.
(Constant and repetitious pleas to read and review your work irritate potential readers.)

VIII. Thou shall be realistic and humble.
(Readers should declare a book thrilling, fantastic, remarkable or great - not the author.)

IX. Thou shall not obsess over nor challenge readers' ratings and/or reviews of thy work.
(Readers who rate/review do so to share their opinion with other readers, not the author!)

X. Thou shall not offer an incentive in exchange for a review (money, free book, swap, etc.)
(The Federal Trade Commission requires that all such reviews include a disclaimer stating so.)

Most people heed only those Biblical Commandments with which they agree and choose to ignore the others. So will it be with the above. Many believe that anyone who ignores any Biblical Commandment may suffer dire consequences. So may it be with the above.

My Sister was an Only Child and Other Things I Regret

Very few of the personal experiences during my lifetime have been regrettable, but those that have are indelibly imprinted in my psyche.

Regret #1 - My sister was an only child.
Since she had a brother - me, that is technically incorrect, but in a sense, it is true. I was nine years-old when Janet was born. Once the novelty of having a baby sister wore off, I preferred spending time with my friends rather than her. At the age of fourteen I left home to attend St. Mark Seminary, 153 miles away, and remained there for four years. Janet was just five years-old when I left and nine when I returned. The following year, 1966, I enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps. When I returned home, Janet was twelve years-old. I was twenty-one. She and I never really got to know each other very well as people, let alone bond as siblings.

Regret #2 - War and Naivety
In 1966 seven boyhood friends and I enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps. The Vietnam conflict had evolved into a full-scale war and we were patriotic and naive. We were deployed to Vietnam in February of 1967 and returned home thirteen months later. Well, five of us returned; regrettably, three did not. My military training and experiences have proven beneficial throughout my life and made me a better person. That said; there are far less challenging and less traumatic ways to accomplish that.

Regret #3 - The loss of a child.
In 1976 my son was killed in an accident. Kip was just four years-old. I knew that my children would have to mourn my death someday, but it had never occurred to me that I might have to cope with theirs. That terrible experience broke my heart and it has never completely healed. Since then I have never taken the lives of my other four children for granted and have striven to be the best father possible, always be there for them, and express my love for them often.

Regret #4 - My wife loved me, but had to leave.
Elaine and I were married in 1970. My wife was attractive, sexy, charming, popular, a great mother and genuinely good person. She gave birth to five wonderful children and put up with me for thirty-five years. Elaine was my partner, lover, best friend, confidante and adviser. She died of cancer in 2005 at the age of fifty-six.

To truly appreciate happiness one must, unfortunately, experience sadness. I focus upon the happy memories and continuously create new ones with my children, grandchildren and friends rather than constantly dwell upon the sad ones.

Professional Authors Know the Time and Place for Self-Promotion; Amateurs Don't

Not all published authors are professionals. Those who are not may easily be identified by their apparent inability to limit promotional activities to the appropriate time and place.

The difficulties faced by an unknown author may often seem insurmountable. However, a struggling writer should not consider that an excuse to constantly bombard, and at times even harass, the reading public with pleas to purchase, read and/or review their books.

Most literary websites are designed to provide avid readers with a forum to share their opinions of books and interact with other readers. It is understandable that unknown published authors would recognize such a site as an opportunity to generate notoriety and sales. What they are doing is not wrong, but how some authors choose to do it is.

Authors should restrict self-promotion on such websites to those threads specifically designated for that purpose. On all other threads, they should provide members with the opportunity to get to know them as a person and fellow reader, while resisting the temptation to announce the fact that they happen to be an author and mention their book.

The title professional should not be merely claimed or assumed. A true professional will be recognized as such by their behavior and accomplishments. The title will be bestowed upon them by others, if and when it has been earned. An adage often quoted by professionals states it perfectly: "Your work speaks for itself. Don't interrupt!"

Sometimes, What We Hear Being Said is Not What Actually is Being Said

If I sensed that my late wife, Elaine, was upset or angry and asked what was bothering her, she would sometimes reply, "Nothing!" While she was working on some project, like organizing a party or addressing Christmas cards, I would ask if she would like me to help. She would occasionally answer, "No, not necessary." After an especially stressful week at work, I would ask if whe she would mind if we stayed home Friday night, instead of hanging out with our with friends as we usually did. Elaine, a stay-at-home mom with four children to care for, would respond, "Of course not. You just relax."

People, for whatever reason, may occasionally say the opposite of whatever message they intend to send. Referencing the examples presented in the previous paragraph, allow me to reveal what my wife was really saying. It took a couple of years for me to develop this skill, but eventually I did catch on.

"Of course something is bothering me. You shouldn't have to ask, you should know!"
"It's your party too!" or "These cards are going to our friends and relatives. You should help."
"Do you think that you're the only one who had a difficult week at work? I need some time away from my workplace too!"

Speaking the same language does not always guarantee that what a person is saying will be interpreted correctly by the listener. Tone of voice and body language trumps a literal translation every time! Those who choose to ignore that fact, do so at their own peril.

There is No Better Reality Check than a 50th. Reunion

My birth certificate, gray hair, mild arthritis, bifocals, four middle-aged children, and four grandchildren indicate that I have been around for awhile. However, I am totally independent, fairly healthy and quite active physically, mentally and socially.

On Friday, August 14 I drove the 125 miles from Pittsburgh to Erie, Pennsylvania to attend a two-day 50th. class reunion.

In September of 1961, I, along with thirty-one other fourteen year-old boys, reported to St. Mark Seminary in order to begin studying for the Roman Catholic priesthood. We entered an alien world of strict discipline, regimented daily schedules, challenging academic studies and personal responsibility. I left the seminary in June of 1965.

A half-century later, seventeen of us were reunited. I'll bet that's why it's called a reunion. Among the no-shows, four are dead. I don't know the others' reasons for not attending. Three had actually completed the 12-year program and were ordained priests. Among those who did attend, most had gray hair or no hair, were married, divorced or widowed and were parents and grandparents. We had a great time golfing, reminiscing and catching up on what we each had been doing during the past fifty years. We also consumed more alcohol, laughed louder and stayed up much later than we had for quite some time.

During the long drive home, I couldn't help thinking about how old my former classmates had become. Then, when I glanced in the rear-view mirror, I was shocked to see an old man staring back at me.

Having a Book Published Does Not Necessarily Mean that I am a Writer

Since I am the author of a published novel, I could tell people that I am a writer. There would be nothing wrong with that; however, I choose not to. Why?

I drive a car, but do not refer to myself as a driver. That title is more appropriately applicable to chauffeurs and NASCAR racers. Occasionally, I will post a review of a book I've read on a literary website, but I do not refer to myself as a reviewer. That title is usually utilized to describe established professionals who are contracted by a newspaper or magazine to review books. I cook my own meals, but I never refer to myself as a cook. That title is bestowed upon those whose skills are utilized by restaurants to provide meals for its customers. As previously mentioned, I wrote a novel, but do not refer to myself as a writer. I personally believe that title should be reserved for those who have garnered significant notoriety and whose writing generates sufficient income to provide for a fairly decent standard of living.

Rather than laying claim to the title Writer, I'll wait until certain others - the general reading public, professional literary critics and successful authors - bestow it upon me. It is highly unlikely that will ever actually happen, but if it does, then I will tell people that I am a writer.

The Cyber World: A Nice Place to Visit, but You Shouldn't Want to Live There

How often have you observed someone mesmerized by their smart phone when they should be focusing upon their driving, walking or whatever else they may be doing instead? Have you noticed that, every time you access an interactive website, some of the same people seem to always be on-line, on any given day and at any hour?

There is nothing wrong with interacting and accessing information via the internet; however, an excessive amount of anything usually has a negative impact upon one's life. Those who fail to maintain control over a situation may be unaware that the situation has begun to control them.

The ability to socialize and share ideas and events with others via the internet provides a wonderful opportunity for those who, through no fault of their own, are physically isolated or constrained. But, for those for whom physical interaction with others is readily accessible, the cyber world should never be given precedence over the real world.

Perhaps we should spend less time with our high-tech monitor, keyboard and mouse and more time doing some of the things people did when a monitor was someone who maintained order in the school hallway, a keyboard was a place where car keys and house keys were hung, and a mouse was a tiny rodent. Socializing is wonderful. It is even more wonderful when done in person - face to face.

People That Aggravate Me

I get along well with most people; however, there are some with whom I have no desire to get along.

Those who judge a person solely upon their physical appearance, financial situation, and/or social status.

Parents that do not teach their children manners and respect for others or fail to instill in them the concepts of self discipline and responsibility.

People that base their opinions upon hearsay, prejudice, unsubstantiated claims or their imagination.

Self-centered individuals whose verbal and written comments confirm that they suffer from the I-Syndrome - sentences inundated with the personal pronouns I, me, my, myself and mine.

People too lazy and inconsiderate to place an emptied shopping cart in the area provided in the parking lot.

Cell phone addicts unable to restrain themselves from texting, tweeting, gaming or surfing the internet for longer than 15 minutes at a time.

People who criticize those who believe that a book, such as the Bible, Talmud, Koran or Book of Mormon is sacred and divinely inspired, without first reading the book. One should not criticize something without first finding out for sure what it is that one is criticizing.

Those who profess to believe that a book, such as the Bible, Talmud, Koran or Book of Mormon is sacred and divinely inspired, yet have never actually read the book. One should not believe in something without first finding out for sure what it is that one professes to believe.

Some are Destined to Become a Successful Author. Some are Not.

The following has been gleaned from articles published in literary periodicals and comments posted in various literary websites by those who have succeeded in becoming what many others wish to become.

Today, published author is merely a technical term.
Published author was once a title bestowed upon only an elite group of writers who possessed the knowledge, skills and talent to merit it. The personal computer, internet and innumerable self-publishing opportunities have reduced it to a mere technical term. Therefore, one's ultimate goal should not be to become a published author. It should be to become a talented and skillful writer whose works have been published.

Most readers will not tolerate poor technical writing.
Most avid readers are intelligent and well versed in basic grammatical, spelling and punctuation rules. They expect the same of authors. A tale is only as good as the manner in which it is told. Only after an author gains knowledge and proficiency in established technical rules for writing can he/she become a skillful storyteller.

Wanting to become successful does not guarantee success.
Wanting to become a successful author is an admirable goal. Hard work, discipline and patience may help one achieve it. However, if after having worked hard, studied and been patiently persistent, you have not achieved your goal, perhaps you do not possess whatever it takes to become a professional writer. Failing does not mean that you are a failure; it just means that your aptitude, skills and talent may be better suited to a different vocation.