Mandi Ehman's Blog, page 26
March 13, 2015
Question of the Day: When do you abandon a book?
In theory, I am a proponent of putting a book down if you don’t like it. In practice, it’s not something I do very often, but there have been a few I’ve abandoned over the years for various reasons—mostly poor writing (fiction) or dry, repetitive topics (nonfiction).
However, for the last two weeks, my reading progress has pretty much stalled. At first I attributed this to busyness and exhaustion, but last night I started to wonder if it was the books—Echoes and The Sacred Year—I was reading instead.
Here’s the thing…there is nothing wrong with these books. There’s nothing I particularly dislike. While The Sacred Year hasn’t lived up to my expectations so far, I still love the concept, and I want to read it, and Echoes is intriguing, if a bit slow moving and loooooong.
But how long do I keep trudging away on books that don’t capture my attention before I discard those along with the ones I genuinely dislike?
I tested this theory last night by buying myself Call the Midwife (perhaps not the wisest choice for someone who is pregnant if my dreams last night were any indication), and sure enough, I read and read and read, the reading drought forgotten.
Which leaves me wondering whether I should pick the other two books back up at some point or just consider them busts.
Today I’d love to know what this looks like for you!
Does reading the “wrong” book slow down or halt your reading progress?
What are your criteria for abandoning books?
Do you abandon those that are just “meh” or only the ones that are truly bad?
When do you feel the pressure to keep reading a book?
Question of the Day: When do you abandon a book?
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
CommentsThis is a tricky one because like you, I'm not given to ... by KristenI have have a book right now by Robert Tannenbaum that I don't ... by MaryI have 4 books that I have never been able to finish. Bury My ... by PennyI totally agree! Life is too short and time is too precious. If ... by ClaireI have found that there are certain books that I just have to ... by Jessica AllenPlus 5 more...
March 12, 2015
On making plans, embracing surprises and having SIX kids
So…never in a million years did I dream we’d be making this announcement.
We felt done (D-O-N-E) after Jackson’s birth, and while I still oohed and ahhed over other people’s newborn babies, I was pretty much okay with no more of my own.
However, after some weird symptoms and a late period, I picked up a pregnancy test over the weekend, fully expecting it to be negative. (I am one of those people who has taken hundreds of pregnancy tests, and they’re negative more often than not.) As the line appeared, my mind was racing: “You always think there’s a line; it’s just the shadow. No, there’s really a line. Wait…what?!”
We feel a little blindsided because this was so unexpected…how will we handle six kids? On the other hand, I’m happy that Jack will have a buddy (girl or boy!) to play with as he gets older, since the girls are all so close in age and there’s a fairly big gap between them and him.
And here’s the thing: This may be a byproduct of having had four miscarriages, but I know all too well that there’s no guarantee that this baby will live, and while we are shocked and overwhelmed, it’s not a blessing that we take lightly. We’re excited too!
We told the girls right away, and they’re over the moon. We’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time talking about names and car seat configurations and a million other details already. (This may be further proof of my type A-ness—the sooner I can control the situation, the better!).
It’s still really early (5.5 weeks or so), but I have never been very good at keeping my pregnancies secret. I want to celebrate this little person, tiny as they may be, and if—God forbid—I do miscarry, I don’t want to carry that weight by myself because I haven’t shared my pregnancy.
So, yes, you may be hearing a little more about pregnancy and babies and embracing what life throws at you in the coming months…and hopefully 8 months from now we’ll be blowing up Facebook and Instagram with hundreds of baby pictures once again!
On making plans, embracing surprises and having SIX kids
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
March 11, 2015
Today is your day to start over
Last year, as the busyness of saying yes to too much began to overwhelm me and affect my sleep, my patience, my health, and my relationships, I drew a line in the sand: when a certain project was over and Christmas was behind us and we turned the page to 2015, things would be different.
And it has been different. Stepping over that line into a new year with the commitment that I wouldn’t end up in that place again has been good, and so far I’m maintaining the commitment.
I’m glad I saw the problem, drew the line, and made it happen.
But what I really wish is that I’d taken the time to draw the line in the sand sooner.
The problem was that in the midst of it, I couldn’t even think straight to figure out how to make a change because things were so busy (clear sign that you have a problem #1), so I put it off until I had some breathing room to think and evaluate and plan.
I recently shared on Instagram and Facebook that I love Mondays because they represent a fresh start, with all the days still stretched out in front of them. I’ve always felt this way, but during my busy season, I allowed that busyness to seep into my weekends (clear sign that you have a problem #2), so that Monday marked a fresh page for my to-do list, but without the time to reflect and prioritize and make hard decisions.
Here’s the thing: 2016 is far away. If you think you need to make changes in your life—changes to your schedule or your priorities or your habits or whatever—don’t wait until the new year. Don’t even wait until the new month or the new week. Start today. Use your time in the shower, while driving, or those hours when you can’t sleep because your to-do list is running through your mind (clear sign that you have a problem #3) to think about what needs to change.
Maybe you need to start saying no.
Maybe you need to step down or back from something. It’s okay to quit.
Maybe you need to prioritize sleep even when that means ignoring your to-do list.
Maybe you need to get rid of distractions like Facebook and Instagram.
Maybe you need to turn off the TV or the computer in the evening.
Maybe you need to make time to talk with a friend or mentor.
Maybe you need to journal your thoughts.
Maybe you need to make a realistic schedule.
Maybe you need to lower your food standards.
Maybe you need to choose better meals and snacks.
Maybe you need to set aside a weekend to begin decluttering.
Maybe you need to make time for connecting with your spouse or kids.
Maybe you just need to cut yourself some slack.
There are a million different ways you can simplify your life, and those decisions are going to look different for each of us.
But the important part is to start thinking about those changes and make a plan today. Don’t wait for some arbitrary date on the calendar. Don’t put it at the bottom of the to-do list. Start today!
Have you ever desperately needed a change but put it off because you just couldn’t think about it? What changes could you make to simplify your life today?
Today is your day to start over
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
March 9, 2015
Why I love Liane Moriarty’s novels
I am not a particularly author-loyal reader. While there are one or two authors whose books I love and read as soon as they come out, I wouldn’t necessarily rush out to pick up a non-Harry Potter book by J.K. Rowling, and I will often read a single novel or series by an author without feeling like I need to read the rest.
That’s how I first approach What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. I loved this book (and it is probably still my favorite of all of Moriarty’s books), and it stuck with me for a long time after I read it. But I scanned the descriptions of Moriarty’s other books and didn’t really feel drawn to any of them, so I moved on.
Then last year I picked up a few of her other Kindle books on sale. What I realized as soon as I started reading Big Little Lies was that the thing I love about Liane Moriarty is not her storytelling (although she has a gift for weaving a story, for sure), but her insight into the human condition. I strongly identify with at least one—and often several—of the characters in each of her books. Not their actions—since those are often outlandish, inappropriate and ridiculous—but their motivations.
From the type-A control freak to the awkward introvert, Moriarty nails the thoughts, emotions and motivations of a wide variety of personalities in each book, and that’s what keeps me reading.
In full disclosure, I picked up The Hypnotist’s Love Story last week in preparation for this post, and it was—ironically—the only book where I didn’t have the feeling that Moriarty had somehow climbed into my head. But it was one of my favorite plot lines (after What Alice Forgot), so I’d recommend that one anyway!
by Liane Moriarty What Alice Forgot is the story of a woman who wakes up after a fall thinking she’s a happily married newlywed only to discover she’s actually in her mid-30s with 3 kids, a social calendar that she doesn’t recognize, and a soon-to-be ex-husband who can’t stand the sight of her. But it’s also the story of a woman who has to rediscover who she truly is and where things went wrong in her fairytale life. As someone who can easily get caught up in getting things done and making things happen while losing sight of the important things, this story hit a little too close to home for me…in a really good way, and it’s easily Moriarty’s best novel.
by Liane Moriarty The main characters in this story include a slightly bitter divorced woman, an incredibly beautiful and wealthy woman, and a young single mom, and I didn’t expect to identify with any of them. But from Madeline’s need to control everything to Celeste’s fear of what people would think if they knew the real her to Jane’s insecurities and sadness …there were pieces of each of them that could have been me. All wrapped up in a who-done-it mystery that will keep you guessing until the end.
by Liane Moriarty More comedy than serious drama, this book—which was Moriarty’s debut novel—was fairly ridiculous. The Kettle triplets are turning 33, and the book opens with their birthday dinner…that suddenly goes terribly wrong. But underneath the ridiculousness, it’s a story of relationships and women finding their way, and that I could identify with!
by Liane Moriarty Similar in many ways to the style of Three Wishes, this is the story of Sophie Honeywell, who dumped Thomas right before he was going to propose and has always wondered whether she missed her chance for love, family and happiness. When she unexpectedly inherits Thomas’s aunt’s house and moves to the family island, she finds herself part of the quirky family and privy to the family secret as she finally starts to move forward and carve out her own happiness.
by Liane Moriarty There were a few similarities between this book and Big Little Lies that made me glad I hadn’t read them back-to-back…three women living very different lives who are bound together by a secret in ways you won’t realize until you read it. I’ve often thought about how one moment, one decision can change everything unexpectedly—and there are moments like that in my own love story—and I loved the way Moriarty wove those moments together.
by Liane Moriarty Funny enough, I picked this one up just so that I could read it before this post, and I couldn’t really identify with the main character—a single hypnotherapist in her mid-30s—at all. But while parts of the story were slow, I really enjoyed it overall. In what is part love story, part mystery, Ellen’s latest love interest reveals that in addition to being a single dad whose wife passed away when their son was a baby, he also has a stalker. Ellen’s interest in psychology and the workings of the mind leaves her not afraid but a little too interested in the stalker.
Have you read any of Liane Moriarty’s books? Do you love ‘em? Hate ‘em?
Why I love Liane Moriarty’s novels
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
Savor the moments and fill your soul
It’s 8pm the night before the clocks spring forward and I’m in bed, especially desperate to fall asleep knowing that I’ll lose an hour of sleep tonight even if the baby has a good night.
It’s been a full day that started during my “quiet” early morning hours when our youngest daughter started throwing up and then continued with our second daughter’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and a shopping trip at Aldi. On a Saturday.
It’s an understatement to say that I’m looking forward to these few minutes of quiet reading before I fall asleep. As an introvert, time by myself—time for thinking, time without any noise or interaction—is crucial for my ability to pour into these little people, for my ability to function at all, really.
Suddenly I hear a sound that’s become all too familiar…the pitter patter of tiny toddler feet making their way to our room.
The tiny toddler climbs onto the bed in the dark and yanks at the blanket to indicate he wants to snuggle.
As I pull him to me, I notice that his tiny toddler fist has a death grip on his trusty broom. The next thing I know, he’s spinning and twisting the broom above our heads, putting on a performance just for me.
It would be so easy to be frustrated, to call out for Sean to come get him. But even at 16 months, these moments are increasingly rare, so I savor this one instead. I inhale the scent of his lemonade shampoo and watch his tiny mouth form the sounds that accompany his show while his shadowy eyelashes flutter in the dark.
I savor the feel of his tiny body tucked up against me and the knowing that—at least for a moment—he’s chosen me over daddy.
There will be time to read. Maybe not as much time as I’d hoped, maybe none tonight.
But sometimes savoring the people we love is the best kind of self care, reminding us of the incredible privilege of calling them ours while filling our souls with joy.
Savor the moments and fill your soul
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
CommentsSnuggle now as long as they will let you. My son Sam 14 yrs old ... by LynneOur almost 19 year old daughter crawled onto our bed Friday ... by NancyI had a similar thought this morning with my 11 month old woke ... by Kristen
March 7, 2015
Weekend reading: March 7, 2015
Today is our second daughter’s 9th birthday. Where has the time gone?
She’s our nurturer, the one who cares for the people and animals around her. She is our sensitive soul, the one who comes to me crying because she had to make a hard decision about who to play with. She’s the most like me in some ways, the one who wakes up early each morning and races to get her schoolwork done without any complaint. And she’s the most like Sean in other ways, racing him on her bike and asking for a day of skiing for her birthday. She’s creative and sweet, beautiful and kind, intelligent and funny.
Happy birthday, sweet girl!
What I’m reading: Echoes by Maeve Binchy, The Sacred Year by Michael Yankoski, Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin (still!), The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien (still!)
What I’m thinking about:
{Follow my personal Facebook feed for the things I’m thinking about and talking about all week!}
Live your best life
The art of noticing your three square feet | The Art of Simple
Knowing myself, knowing others: my uncomfortable – but revealing – afternoon with the Enneagram | Meagan Francis
“The Way We Live Our Days, What We Do at 10 A.M., Really Is the Way We Live Our Lives” | The Happiness Project
When motherhood gets tough
Bringing a Daughter Back from the Brink with Poems | NY Times
3 Signs Of Emotionally Strong Mothers | MindBodyGreen
Grace is Good Enough for Us | Momastery
Caring for others
Sorry confusion | Seth’s Blog
Attention Peace Teachers! A Lesson from the Dress Seen ‘Round the World | Momastery
Have a great weekend!
Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.
Weekend reading: March 7, 2015
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
March 5, 2015
What do kids really need to learn?
Maybe it’s because it’s February. Maybe it’s my focus on being intentional and reevaluating everything right now. Whatever it is, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what my kids really need to learn in school—especially during their early elementary school years—fueled in part by articles like this one, videos like this one, and posts like this one.
Math seems like a no-brainer since they’re all learning fairly foundational stuff at this point (no theoretical algebra happening here!).
Learning to read is important.
And because I personally love language arts—and I think being able to communicate well is pretty helpful in any field—we also prioritize things like grammar, spelling, vocabulary and writing during the “Essential” years (4th-6th grade).
Beyond that…well, I’m just not convinced that there is anything they really need to learn. Because here’s the thing: I loved school, yet the amount of history, geography and science I retained from my early elementary years is pretty small. The things I do remember were the things I enjoyed learning about and took ownership of. Things like Magellan’s trip around the world and the classification of animals.
At the same time, I do believe in the value of memory work—memorizing pegs like dates, names, places, and key facts while their minds are ripe for memorization. My hope—and what we’ve seen happen again and again—is that as they get excited about various topics, they naturally fit them into the framework of their memory work. Things like, “Mom! Did you know Louisa May Alcott was treated with mercury for typhoid fever? Mercury is an element on the periodic table, and it’s toxic, so the medicine made some people more sick.” {Always with lots of shouting and virtual exclamation points because they get so excited about those connections!}
But beyond that memory work, and providing lots and lots and lots of books that I hope will capture there attention, I’m less worried about unit studies on specific topics. We haven’t made models of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. We haven’t traced Lewis & Clark’s journey across the United States. We haven’t colored and assembled a human body.
In fact, we’ve dropped even more subject areas since my mid-year curriculum update. For example, I believe in the importance of Latin, and I enjoyed studying it in junior high, but my kids are not into it at this point, which means doing it is sucking their enthusiasm from all of their schoolwork. I just don’t think the benefits are enough to justify that cost. While we’ll approach Latin again later, we’ve dropped it for now.
We’ve also dropped handwriting and copywork for the older girls since I’ve seen that they’ll naturally practice those things—in letters to friends, while collecting facts on their current favorite subject, etc.—when they’re not assigned as part of their schoolwork.
On the other hand, we’ve never done a formal science curriculum—at least not for very long—but since our oldest is showing a lot of interest in chemistry and our middle girls are obsessed with animals, we’ve decided to add the Apologia chemistry and zoology books to their schoolwork. Honestly, our kids pick up enough science through their own curiosity, reading, and exploring the world that I’m not too worried about formally studying it at this point. But because they’re interested, it seems like a good time to dive deeper with the fun activities that Apologia offers on those topics.
It’s not that I’m against unit studies or opposed to formal academics. But as a classical unschooler (whatever that really means!), I’m trying to find that balance…how do I provide a solid foundation that teaches them how to learn and gives them a strong academic education so that they can pursue college or career opportunities in the future, but still leave them plenty of time to play, explore, be bored, pursue their own interests, and make their own discoveries?
I’m confident in our decisions, but I don’t have all of the answers or know exactly how this is going to play out in the future. So for now I’m just following my gut.
How do you decide what your kids really need to learn? Has your answer to that question changed over time?
What do kids really need to learn?
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
CommentsThis post is very timely, as I am discerning homeschooling for ... by Claire
March 4, 2015
Books, printables & activities for an intentional Easter
If I was on top of things, I would have made my plans and shared this post with you on or before Ash Wednesday. But, well, February was a tough month, and something had to give.
Instead of focusing on the Easter story for the 40 days of Lent (which I would have preferred), I’m shooting for incorporating books and activities into the 4 weeks before Easter, starting next Monday.
The girls and I are already reading through Luke 22-24 for our morning Bible time, and I’m planning to redo the 4-week Why Easter Matters study from Love God Greatly (unfortunately, I can’t find the study on their site to share with you).
I’ve also added a few new Easter books to our collection, and I’m trying to decide which of the activities from the second part of this list we’ll incorporate as well.
Easter Books & Stories
by Patricia A. Pingry I love this series of books, which we found when our oldest was tiny. In just a few words, Patricia Pingry tells The Story of Easter for toddlers and preschoolers, and I’m hoping that Jackson will enjoy reading it again and again as much as his sisters did.
by Liz Curtis Higgs This series of books from Liz Curtis Higgs has always been one of my favorites, but for some reason we didn’t have The Parable of the Lily. Based on parables from nature, each book in this series shares an important biblical truth, with this one focusing on grace, forgiveness and the true meaning of Easter.
by Lisa Tawn Bergren Is there anything Lisa Tawn Bergren can’t do? From historical fiction to young adult novels and children’s books, she does it all. We enjoy the Christmas book from this series, and I’m sure the girls will be excited to read this one as well.
by Dandi Daley Mackall With three interwoven stories about a family of robins, the legend of the robin’s red breast, and the story of Christ’s death and resurrection, this is a book that I’m sure my animal-loving girls will read again and again.
by Angela Elwell Hunt This traditional folktale tells the story of three trees that grow up to be the manger, boat and cross, and it’s the perfect book to tie Christmas and Easter together.
by Carol Heyer What’s not to love about Humphrey, the quirky camel we first met in Humphrey’s First Christmas. In this story, he’s back, witnessing Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday.
If you hadn’t already guessed, I’m really enjoying books that tie to the ones we already have in our Christmas collection, like this one, a companion to The Legend of the Candy Cane. While our family doesn’t make a big deal out of things like Easter eggs, Easter baskets, etc., I like that this story ties that tradition back to the story of Christ’s death on the cross.
by Buck Denver Okay, not a book, but I’ve been wishing for the full What’s in the Bible DVD series for the girls, and this seems like a good one to start!
Easter Activities
Every year we turn out the lights at 3pm on Good Friday and use candles until Easter morning. It’s the simplest tradition, but it’s the one we all look forward to the most.
Make your own set of resurrection eggs or print a hand-illustrated Easter story book with these printables from the Life Your Way collection.
Use these simple Easter advent cards to count down the days to Easter with simple, meaningful activities for the whole family.
You may already be familiar with Amanda White’s Truth in the Tinsel book (if you’re not, you should be!), and A Sense of the Resurrection offers 12 activities—incorporating all of your children’s senses—to learn the true meaning of Easter.
Other activities: resurrection rolls for Easter breakfast a resurrection garden resurrection cookiesHow does your family celebrate Easter? Are there books or activities you’d add to this list?
Books, printables & activities for an intentional Easter
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
CommentsLOVE What's in the Bible. We have been buying them as they were ... by Jenn Ott
March 3, 2015
When it come to creativity, slow, steady & repetitive win the race
A couple of weeks ago, I shared how perfectionism works against my creativity.
Today, I wanted to share another realization I’ve had about the nature off creativity, as least for me.
You know how people joke about all of the crafts they’ve started but never completed? Yeah. That’s me.
I’m a really, really, really good starter. A new project? A new skill? Bring it on!
But once the shine wears off, I tend to set it aside and forget about it…accumulating a ridiculous number craft supplies and half-finished projects in my wake. {Hmm…I guess my girls get that honestly!}
Often I will choose projects that can be completed quickly and easily, things like a little crocheted shape or a small doodle. Or the 101 Days of Christmas series, where I get to try a lot of different things in very small doses!
But what I’m learning is that it’s worth taking on a bigger project, intentionally investing the time and effort not just into starting it, but in actually seeing it through to fruition. There’s something extremely gratifying about completing a big project, especially when you were tempted to set it aside along the way {or so I’ve heard…}.
When it comes to big projects, it helps to adjust our expectations upfront. If you like to get things done, check them off your list, improve your efficiency, and so on, tackling a bigger creative project is a good chance to redefine what the goal really is.
Instead of racing to get it done the fastest, to complete a certain number of projects or to move on to the next thing, focus on these three elements of creativity: slow, steady and repetitive.
SlowIn the story of the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise wins the race because he takes it slow and therefore doesn’t wear himself out and need to rest. Runners call this pacing yourself.
The same principle applies to creativity. While there will certainly be times when you’re struck by creative inspiration and make a huge amount of progress in a short amount of time, rushing is a great way to end up with a disappointing final project and wear yourself out in the process. Take your focus off the final product, whatever it may be, and just enjoy the process without worrying about how long it’s taking you.
SteadyMoving forward slowly only works if you’re actually moving forward. The flip side of slow and steady is that you need to be consistent. Even if it’s 10 minutes a day, steady effort produce more in the long run than short bursts of effort.
The problem with being attracted to new, shiny things is that we don’t make any steady progress on the projects we’ve already started. And no matter how long we wait, those just aren’t going to ever be quite as shiny as something we haven’t tried before.
RepetitiveThe other part of creativity—and perhaps the hardest for me—is the repetitiveness of it. I like to crochet the first square in a blanket, sketch the first draft of a doodle, try a new recipe once, decorate a handful of cupcakes. When I have to do it again and again, I start to feel like I’m not actually being all that creative after all.
There are probably ways that I could completely avoid repetitiveness, through certain styles of art, choosing my projects with that in mind, etc. But I’d rather look at it as an opportunity to grow, to embrace the repetitiveness for the way it soothes my soul when I’m running frantically or stressed out, to complete each repetition with the same excellence as the first.
***
I started the hot air balloon doodle at the top of this post two weeks ago, and it’s taking me forever. I’m not entirely happy with the way it’s coming together so far, but I know from past experience that the way I feel about a doodle at this stage says very little about the way I’ll feel about it when I’m done, so I’m practicing the three principles above to keep moving forward.
Do these aspects of creativity undermine your craft? Do you have a stash of craft supplies and unfinished projects like I do?
When it come to creativity, slow, steady & repetitive win the race
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
CommentsYES! This is so me (and as a fellow INTJ I suspect that might ... by jacqueline poehlman
March 2, 2015
Building authentic friendships and community
As we head into March (and, hopefully, warmer weather!), I am so excited about our next Live course theme.
This month we’ll be talking about connection, friendship and community with Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom. Crystal recently moved from Kansas to Nashville, Tennessee, where she and her family dove into their new community and began building a strong network of friends right away.
Crystal and I will be sharing our thoughts on topics like…
the benefits of friendship and community how to be a friend and build long-lasting friendships community versus individual friendships finding time for friendships when your life is already full the good and the bad of social media for connecting how to cultivate authentic friendships choosing which friendships to invest in knowing when and how to end a friendship how to deal with a friendship that ends suddenly and moreAs women, we can focus so much on the things that we have to do that we forget to invest in friendships, but I truly believe that we were built for community and to need those connections.
Want to explore this topic with us more? Join us today!
Building authentic friendships and community
© 2010-2015 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved
