Don Brobst's Blog, page 2
February 19, 2020
Human Trafficking
One of the most rewarding things I do is work with poor and underprivileged children in foreign nations. I’m permitted to go where others are not because, as a doctor, I have a reason—an excuse—to be there.
Most of them struggle in poverty and live day to day. Think about that for a moment. They get up each morning and there is nothing to eat, because there’s no way to store food even if they could gather enough. Each day is new—a time to find water and carry it to their homes, a time to locate enough to eat for that day.
As if that is not enough, there is a powerful enemy on the horizon that in many ways is worse than ISIS, the Muslim Brotherhood, or Al Shabaab. It’s the perpetrators of a type of evil that falls into a category of its own and is growing steadily. This menace isn’t isolated to distant areas where I often travel. It’s reaching into our own country, our communities. Even our families. This monster is the trafficking of innocent human beings. Mostly girls.
Human trafficking is very real. It has always been real, but with the surge in social media and public awareness it has gained our attention, which has made it more difficult to hide. That being said, it flourishes still. In the United States 325,000 children are victims of trafficking every year. Many are exploited within our borders, but international trafficking has grown exponentially, placing young female minors at risk of abduction. Over one million women and girls are victims of trafficking yearly worldwide.
The benefit of transporting these young women overseas (many underage girls) is to prevent them from surfacing on social media or any other format that may identify them. In my newest novel, Thicker Than Blood, this human condition is dealt with from the viewpoint of the victim, perpetrator, as well as the “customer.” Technology has caused this epidemic to flourish. Consider the following from the prologue.
As the nearby mosque echoed the afternoon call to prayer, he stood, walked to the balcony doors and admired the hundreds of minarets between him and the Nile. The echoes of imams calling for prayer beckoned him, but he finally closed the doors. He’d pray later.
Returning to his laptop, he perused the possibilities through several pages until he’d finalized his selection—five-two, blond hair, blue eyes, cheerleader, American.
A smile coursed his lips, and his pulse quickened at the thought of it. There’d be no recourse. His action would be final. The funds withdrawn from his account.
He hit “Enter.”
Thicker Than Blood is an international thriller currently on sale from Amazon for $0.99
Check the “Books” tab at the top of the page for more information and details on the book.
February 3, 2020
Is Your Marriage Missing This?
I am a strong advocate for romance and passion between husband and wife. Instead of being dull and routine, marriage needs to be kept on the front burner.
In the course of daily living, we tend to lose track of things that are important simply because they can be pushed into the background. We intend for that to be temporary, but so often temporary is lost to the urgent.
Urgency drives us forward, and before we realize it we have missed opportunities we cannot regain. Our schedules are filled with things that are important—some may even have an eternal perspective. Keeping our priorities straight can be confusing.
In the midst of all that, God has given us a wonderful roadmap to success in marriage. God holds the marriage union between a man and a woman in the highest esteem. For that reason if for no other, we must do the same. It is designed to be a reflection of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. So how could we expect anything different?
Francis Rodman once said that Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. Gentlemen—don’t let that happen. As I have said before, we are to keep our marriages alive and vibrant. This requires an open account with the florist. Yes, flowers are expensive, but that is what makes them so precious. You are saying she’s worth it to you, all practicality aside!
One of the most important aspects of our marriage was that it was an adventure—we enjoyed every part of it we could, and grew from every part that was painful. No adventure is without difficulty, sometimes extreme difficulty. But there is joy in the midst of it all; we simply have to look for it. That may mean embracing something we don’t want.
Marriage should be, and can be exciting—filled with adventure. But there is more. It can be focused on God instead of ourselves. Imagine landing a small airplane on a remote dirt field, then trekking through the African Bush as you and your spouse carry medicines and supplies to hidden villages.
Is your life and marriage an adventure? It should be. It’s up to you.
December 20, 2019
Christmas Traditions!
When we began having children, everything changed, especially the holidays. Wendy started it all when she came on the scene in … I can’t tell you the year—it’s a secret. But the picture I have included in this post was taken just a few days before our first Thanksgiving with her. She wasn’t even a year old.
Our family has celebrated many Thanksgivings and Christmases since then, and this year I am the proud Papa of seven grandchildren with two more on the way. The little girl in the picture above now has three of her own.
Nobody needs to be reminded how fast life goes by after children arrive, but as parents there are things that we have to do in the midst of the chaos of life to establish traditions in our families.
In the past I’ve spoken about one Christmas season tradition we have called the Christmas Troll. Doesn’t everyone have a Christmas Troll that moves around the house and hides? To set the story straight, our trolls were around long before the elf on the shelf fad came along. You might say we started that!
There are things we can do that will become traditions in our families for generations to come. If your budget is limited that shouldn’t be a problem. There is no need for expensive projects when a Christmas Troll or something else will do. For example, many years we would buy one new box of tree decorations as a family each Christmas season. It may not seem like much, but everyone enjoyed it and looked forward to it, and it was all we could afford.
Of course, it’s important as parents to keep our kids centered on the true meaning of the Christmas season—the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is one of the most significant events of all time and we celebrate it as a planet. Not everyone has the same spirit, however, and that needs attention. Unfortunately, there has been a great deal of commercialism centering on Christmas related to the retail market and especially the Internet. There are many different views on this subject, and at times it becomes a heated topic of discussion.
I have recently been asked my opinion on this by a number of people, partly because I have been a dad for a long time, and partly because … I don’t know what the other part is because of. Anyway, I do have an opinion.
As Christ followers, we have the responsibility to influence our children as well as others on the true meaning of Christmas. I know that to some, this means no Santa, no traditional Christmas stuff, and in some cases, no Christmas tree or decorations. In fact, for many people even the participation in activities that relate to Christmas from a worldly viewpoint is taboo. Although I understand and respect those values, I do not share the strictest ones. We need to make certain our kids know fully, at an early age, that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior. We need to be clear on why Jesus was the only one who could die for our sins, and save us from eternal punishment in hell. I’m shocked sometimes how much my little grandchildren know about the true meaning of the birth of Christ.
Our children must understand (from us) that Christmas is first and foremost a holy day of salvation and grace, and a miracle in itself. As they become older, it is our responsibility as parents and grandparents to teach them that God’s plan of redemption began a long time ago, and that He will carry it to completion regardless of how we force Him out of schools and every public setting.
I do believe that some Christmas traditions that are fun and silly are okay—like the Christmas Troll, decorations on a tree, or miniature trains on a tiny track by the fireplace. Yes, it is my opinion that these things are okay as long as they are kept in proper perspective. And that is our responsibility also.
Christmas traditions are important in our family, and no one wonders what the day is really about. But I am not an expert—I’m just a Dad … and a Papa.
Question: Do you agree with me? What is your view? I really do want to know.
July 8, 2019
Marriage On the Front Burner
In the course of daily living, we tend to lose track of things that are important simply because they can be pushed into the background. We intend for that to be temporary, but so often temporary is lost to the urgent.
Urgency drives us forward, and before we realize it we have missed opportunities we cannot regain. Our schedules are filled with things that are important—some may even have an eternal perspective. Keeping our priorities straight can be confusing.
In the midst of all that, God has given us a wonderful roadmap to success in marriage. God holds the marriage union between a man and a woman in the highest esteem. For that reason if for no other, we must do the same. It is designed to be a reflection of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. So how could we expect anything different?
Francis Rodman once said that Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. Gentlemen—don’t let that happen. As I have said before, we are to keep our marriages alive and vibrant. This requires an open account with the florist. Yes, flowers are expensive, but that is what makes them so precious. You are saying she’s worth it to you, all practicality aside.
One of the most important aspects of our marriage was that it was an adventure—we enjoyed every part of it we could, and grew from every part that was painful. No adventure is without difficulty, sometimes extreme difficulty. But there is joy in the midst of it all; we simply have to look for it. That may mean embracing something we don’t want.
Marriage should be, and can be exciting—filled with adventure. But there is more. It can be focused on God instead of ourselves. Imagine landing a small airplane on a remote dirt field, then trekking through the Bush as you and your spouse carry medicines and supplies to hidden villages.
Is your life and marriage an adventure? It should be–it’s up to you.
July 2, 2019
Ten Secrets to Being a Godly Dad
As men, we make decisions every day that affect our family’s wellbeing. Child rearing can be a daunting task.
Balancing work with family, romance, and support of the kid’s various events without borrowing time from another day is a challenge. That leaves us with a dilemma—giving our children what they need versus what they want.
In our attempt to get everything right and be Super Dads, we must not forget to ask the most important question of fatherhood . . . how do our children see us? Really—take a look at that.
In the midst of the battles of daily living, here are the essential elements our children need.
1. Love them
There should be no doubt about your love for them. Your love should be:
Protective
They need to know that you have their backs, and you will do whatever is needed to keep them from harm
Gentle
Roughness in fatherhood should be reserved for the football field with your sons
Kind
Help them to learn showing kindness and forgiveness to others. This helps to prepare them for marriage one day, since these are two of the key ingredients missing in most marriages.
Disciplined
Be their father, not their buddy. We can be friends to our kids, but the role of being a father should never be buried by the buddy factor. When dad needs to be dad, that won’t be a contradiction if the role is proper.
Deliberate
Do things for them just because you can. You’re Dad. That is a commitment to live a life of excellence at all times. Spend time with them. Help them with homework even if you’re too busy.
2. Love their mom
Your daughters should be delighted to see your affection for their mom.
This is a wonderful gift, and it must be genuine.
Be supportive of and encouraging to their mother
Sometimes all we need to do is be understanding, even if we don’t understand. My wife stood by me many times when she didn’t understand what I was doing. But she trusted me—and I trusted her.
Help your wife achieve her goals in life
Encourage and support her in her endeavors. Help her when she needs you, and be her best sounding board. Seize that role.
Whenever she can be included in what you do, include her
My wife would never have been able to support me if I had kept her out of my life. For many years I felt that men should protect their wives from the battles of the world. I no longer feel that we should fight those battles while keeping out wives in the dark. It isn’t protecting them—it’s keeping them in the dark.
3. Be a man of integrity
Spend time in the Word
An essential no brainer. Make it a part of your daily life, and don’t waiver. Do what you need to do to find time. If that means getting up a half hour earlier—do it. I’m an early riser, and I know that isn’t easy, but it’s doable.
Invest time in the world—the Great Commission
Go. If you are physically able to do it, go to the world and help the poor, supply clean water, feed the hungry, heal the sick, and carry the Gospel everywhere you go.
4. Be a man they are proud to call their father
Live your life beyond reproach.
Don’t do things that can be looked upon as improper, even if they are above-board
Stand up for what’s important
Be the person that makes a difference. That looks different for every individual. Spending time in the Word helps us focus on what our commitments should be.
Take the lead when you should
I have met many leaders in my life who don’t know they are leaders. See HOW YOU KNOW YOU’RE A LEADER, and HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN A LEADER.
5. Keep your heart pure
No porn. Ever.
No inappropriate books. The wrong person will find it and wonder.
Be careful what movies you watch, for your sake and theirs
Guarding our eyes is an important aspect of being Godly men. See HOW TO PROTECT YOUR EYES AND GUARD YOUR HEART
No provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts
We know what is right and wrong, and taking steps to feed our lust for sex, power, wealth, or whatever else might be the issue is wrong. It will get us if we don’t turn away from it.
6. Remember that they know where your eyes are focused
Don’t look at other women with lust. Your daughters and sons know when you’re looking where you shouldn’t
7. Help them to grow
Teach your daughters what they need to know, especially about men
Let them know what to expect when they date, especially the red flags. See FOR LADIES ONLY—HOW TO FIND THE PERFECT MAN: WARNING SIGNS, and FOR LADIES ONLY—HOW TO FIND THE PERFECT MAN: THUMBS UP SIGNS.
Teach them how to tell if a guy is a poser or a phony
Every guy is after something. Teach them how to know what their guy is focused upon.
8. Spend time with each of your children separately
Not to replace total family time, but to make special events where it’s just the two of you
9. Don’t expect quality time to make up for quantity—it doesn’t
10. Never, ever drink to excess—or at all if it affects others around you
Keep your wits about you at all times
Never be in a compromised state. Your kids are not likely to forget it.
If you don’t want your children to drink, don’t drink too much
Men, the most important thing to remember is that you should teach by example—you will whether you want to or not, so make it right.
June 27, 2019
Discipline–Punishment–Consequences
A young mom brought her son, Billy to my office with a sore throat. When the nurse tried to swab his tonsils to test for strep, he kicked her hard enough to take her breath—mom said nothing.
The nurse left the room and approached me in tears. I assured her that she had done nothing wrong and was not to go back into the room—I would take care of it myself. I won’t expose my nurses to abuse.
When I entered the room, Billy had a scowl on his face—mom sat meekly in the corner. He snapped at me, “You’re not going to touch me!” I looked at mom—she was lost, and this kid was in charge. He had been in charge for a long time.
I turned back to Billy—“Who are you?” I asked. This time he had an angry, confused expression—he gritted his teeth. “Billy,” he grunted.
“Yeah, I know your name, but who are you? More importantly, Billy—who do you think you are?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Well if you don’t know who you are, let me tell you who I am. I’m the doctor that is going to find out why you’re sick. I will touch you when I want to. I will do whatever I have to, to find out what’s wrong and treat you for it. Because here in this office, Billy—I’m in charge.”
At first he was speechless, then turned to his mother in the corner. “Billy, don’t look at your mom—she won’t stop me. She won’t stop me because she wants you to get better. That’s why you’re here—because she’s worried about you. If she loves you, she will let me do my job.” I had to make certain she wouldn’t fold to his antics.
She sank into her chair a little, and nodded her head. Billy looked back at me. “You want to get out of here? Tell me what’s wrong and lets get you better. Got it?” He nodded his head slowly.
I turned to his mom as I kept talking to Billy. “Just like I’m in charge here in my office, your mom is in charge at home, and everywhere else—not you. You will never be in charge of your mom—understand?” He slumped back against the exam table—no response. “Billy?” He sat up straight again and said, “Yes, sir.”
There it was—he knew what he was supposed to say because he had been raised with proper manners, but somewhere along the way his will took over when his parents didn’t hold him accountable. That isn’t as simple as I make it sound. Some children push the boundaries for various reasons, some of which can be severely traumatic. Many times in my practice I’ve seen misbehavior countered with punishment.
There are important differences between punishment, discipline and consequences. If I discipline myself to drive safely at the posted speed limit, the consequence is that I arrive home safely. If I speed, I may shave a few minutes off my time, but I may not. If I leave the driving properly discipline behind and step on the gas, an officer of the law may pull me over. What follows is a punishment for what I’ve done.
Prisons in the United States are overcrowded with inmates, many of whom never make it back into society in a better state than when they were incarcerated. According to the National Institute of Justice, the longer the prison sentence, the less effective it becomes in deterring that individual to commit more crimes when released. To state it plainly, punishment doesn’t work in society. Consequences do.
I am a firm believer in boundaries throughout life, and boundaries for kids are extremely important. Establishing and enforcing the proper boundaries for children will shape their character and prepare them for life. Those boundaries are not the same for each child, because no two children are alike. How do boundaries and consequences work together? In most cases it’s necessary to teach your child the difference. Throwing a temper tantrum results in consequences. Biting another child also has consequences. Once the child knows that you’re not trying to hurt him/her, and that they can trust you (because you aren’t the bad guy), they slowly realize the consequences they receive are directly under their control. They can choose pleasant results.
Here is where the discipline comes in. If you want to instill characteristics of discipline and a proper understanding of consequences, it takes time. That’s the hardest part. But it does pay off eventually. Again, punishment may feel good to us in that moment of anger, but it doesn’t work. Unfortunately that has been proven.
I don’t want to imply for a moment that you should never spank your child. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets their attention, especially if it’s the consequence they avoid at all costs.
Raising kids, especially difficult ones is not an easy task, but it has been entrusted to us by God. It will be exhausting, but there is no greater calling than to parent responsibly. Don’t leave it up to society to train your children in the way he or she should go—you may not like the outcome.
One book that outlines establishing proper boundaries for children is Dare To Discipline by James Dobson. I recommend it highly.
Question: Do you have tips for parenting that may help others?
June 24, 2019
Writing With Passion
The inspiration behind any story is key, and in the case of Thirteen Months this came from an experience that altered my life.
Obviously, fiction is different. It may or may not be based on life experiences. When writing fiction, even if personal experiences starts the author on a path, specific issues within the story must be well researched in order for the author to approach it from an internal perspective.
When I started writing Thirteen Months, I needed to tell Gwen’s story in light of God’s faithfulness through her suffering—not to emphasize the suffering, but as a testimony of God’s grace.
The wounds were so fresh at the outset I needed to set myself apart—to go somewhere that I could collect my thoughts and convert them into words.
I returned to New York City to the apartment Gwen and I shared during that last year of her life—the year of chemotherapy. It was difficult, but it was where I needed to be. Memories of painful evenings we’d spent together in that apartment were interspersed with wonderful times.
I travelled to New York many times that year, spending four days each time. Mornings began with a run in Central Park, then back to the apartment to write all day—12 to 14 hours. Toward the end of the writing process, my editor strongly encouraged me to write more about my personal struggles in facing terminal illness with Gwen. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.
It was humbling to share my heart with people who don’t know me, and even more so with those who do. But only God can overcome great heartache. Only He can make sense out of the pain we endure.
We need only to trust Him completely—the triumph of faith is the reward.
