Kevin A. Ranson's Blog, page 18

New Creation: All-Cat Version of ‘Return of the Jedi’

Anyone who’s been following me online knows I like to work on various projects, but with the popularity of both Star Wars spoofs and LOL Cats, I realized there’s something I could do to serve both niches. Starting immediately, I’m going to film (on a micro-budget, of course) and all-cat version of the Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Even before you start thinking how insane I must be, check out this test shot of my cat, Cinders, in a make-up test for galactic gangster Jabba the Cat. As you can see, I’m not only completely serious, but this is gonna rawk. See you on the Dark Side, and check back here for more updates!

Filed under: Creativity, Hollywood, Internet, Satire Tagged: cat, cinders, jabba, return of the jedi, star wars

New Creation: All-Cat Version of 'Return of the Jedi'

Anyone who's been following me online knows I like to work on various projects, but with the popularity of both Star Wars spoofs and LOL Cats, I realized there's something I could do to serve both niches. Starting immediately, I'm going to film (on a micro-budget, of course) and all-cat version of the Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Even before you start thinking how insane I must be, check out this test shot of my cat, Cinders, in a make-up test for galactic gangster Jabba the Cat. As you can see, I'm not only completely serious, but this is gonna rawk. See you on the Dark Side, and check back here for more updates!

Filed under: Creativity, Hollywood, Internet, Satire Tagged: cat, cinders, jabba, return of the jedi, star wars

Flash Fiction Horror: “Abandon Hope”

“As the souls of all creation felt God abandon them, Lucifer smiled.”

Filed under: Conspiracies, Creativity, Existentialism, Literarian Tagged: abandon, flash fiction, God, hope, Lucifer

Flash Fiction Horror: "Abandon Hope"

"As the souls of all creation felt God abandon them, Lucifer smiled."

Filed under: Conspiracies, Creativity, Existentialism, Literarian Tagged: abandon, flash fiction, God, hope, Lucifer

Putting the “Online” Back Into the Film Critic Society

I’ve been a member of the OFCS (the Online Film Critics Society) for a number of years. I applied early on in my career as a reviewer and was initially turned away. I took the advice I received only to later learn that I had been watched, my improvements noted, and an invitation extended.

My film website, MovieCrypt.com, was actually a blog long before anyone had coined the term, and in the tradition of the earlier ‘Net, my identity was safely anonymous as a “horror host.” One of the reasons that compelled me to join a critics society, however, was the opportunity to engage in conversation about what I love: film, making films, and filmmakers. There are plenty of reasons why someone might want to be a film critic, but I was most interested in the social aspect and the articulation of others regarding their passion for films. I chose the World Wide Web not only because of its access but because of its interaction; I wanted to find like-minded individuals.

Fifteen years later, the Internet is full of well-organized social networks that everyone is aware of, but as Twitter and Facebook have risen to the top of these networks, I’m finding myself disconnected from many of the OFCS members than I used to engage with quite often. While I understand (too well, in fact) the need to carve out your own online niche and maintain content in your own corners, our “society” has waned, in my humble opinion. I would like to encourage the membership to use the OFCS forums on Rotten Tomatoes or the private OFCS group on Facebook to see what their fellow members are watching, writing about, and thinking about films in general.

I miss a lot of you guys. Let’s be a film critics society online. Again.

Filed under: Acquaintances, Hollywood, Internet Tagged: OFCS, Online Film Critics Society

Putting the "Online" Back Into the Film Critic Society

I've been a member of the OFCS (the Online Film Critics Society) for a number of years. I applied early on in my career as a reviewer and was initially turned away. I took the advice I received only to later learn that I had been watched, my improvements noted, and an invitation extended.

My film website, MovieCrypt.com, was actually a blog long before anyone had coined the term, and in the tradition of the earlier 'Net, my identity was safely anonymous as a "horror host." One of the reasons that compelled me to join a critics society, however, was the opportunity to engage in conversation about what I love: film, making films, and filmmakers. There are plenty of reasons why someone might want to be a film critic, but I was most interested in the social aspect and the articulation of others regarding their passion for films. I chose the World Wide Web not only because of its access but because of its interaction; I wanted to find like-minded individuals.

Fifteen years later, the Internet is full of well-organized social networks that everyone is aware of, but as Twitter and Facebook have risen to the top of these networks, I'm finding myself disconnected from many of the OFCS members than I used to engage with quite often. While I understand (too well, in fact) the need to carve out your own online niche and maintain content in your own corners, our "society" has waned, in my humble opinion. I would like to encourage the membership to use the OFCS forums on Rotten Tomatoes or the private OFCS group on Facebook to see what their fellow members are watching, writing about, and thinking about films in general.

I miss a lot of you guys. Let's be a film critics society online. Again.

Filed under: Acquaintances, Hollywood, Internet Tagged: OFCS, Online Film Critics Society

Is PayPal Censoring eBooks?

Suppose for a moment that, instead of a sparkly vampire, a werewolf made love to a human female, in detail and in werewolf form. If you chose to write that scene for your book, you might not be able to use PayPal to collect sales money for it online because it could be considered "bestiality." If the means with which you are able to collect money for book sales abruptly dictates what you can and can't write, we're really talking about censorship.

Sound ridiculous? It's happening right now over at the site that hosts my ebooks, Smashwords.com. As a huge publisher of Indie books that anyone can use to sell their written work online, PayPal has issued an ultimatum for them to remove certain titles or lose their ability to collect payments through their services:

PayPal is asking us to censor legal fiction. Regardless of how one views topics of rape, bestiality and incest, these topics are pervasive in mainstream fiction. We believe this crackdown is really targeting erotica writers. This is unfair, and it marks a slippery slope. We don't want credit card companies or financial institutions telling our authors what they can write and what readers can read. Fiction is fantasy. It's not real. It's legal.

In case you haven't heard, about two weeks ago, PayPal contacted Smashwords and gave us a surprise ultimatum: Remove all titles containing bestiality, rape or incest, otherwise they threatened to deactivate our PayPal account. We engaged them in discussions and on Monday they gave us a temporary reprieve as we continue to work in good faith to find a suitable solution.

PayPal tells us that their crackdown is necessary so that they can remain in compliance with the requirements of the banks and credit card associations (likely Visa, MasterCard, Discover, American Express, though they didn't mention them by name).

From a business standpoint, the fear seems to be that anyone who doesn't like what a credit or debit card service can be used to buy will threaten to stop using their services if that company permits the sale. Really? In America, this is considered a fundamental freedom, to buy whatever you like with the money you earn.

This would be the equivalent of the US government making it a crime to use US currency to purchase Playboy, ruining a legitimate business by making it too risky for the average consumer to engage in. What's next that you can't buy because someone else decides "it's bad for you?" R-rated movies? Red meat? Beverages containing caffeine?

If you have a PayPal account, let them know that you want to be able to buy whatever you like using their service. If they refer you to the four major credit card groups of Visa, Mastercard, American Express, or Discover, then let them know it's okay to allow payments for these kinds of things. E-commerce is doing too well online these days to start burning books virtually. Don't let that happen.

From Smashwords:

All writers and their readers should stand up and voice their opposition to financial services companies censoring books. Authors should have the freedom to publish legal fiction, and readers should have the freedom to read what they want.

These corporations need to hear from you. Pick up the phone and call them. Email them. Start petitions. Sign petitions. Blog your opposition to censorship. Encourage your readers to do the same. Pass the word among your social networks. Contact your favorite bloggers and encourage them to follow this story. Contact your local newspaper and offer to let them interview you so they can hear a local author's perspective on this story of international significance. If you have connections to mainstream media, encourage them to pick up on the story. Encourage them to call the credit card companies and pose this simple question, "PayPal says they're trying to enforce the policies of credit card companies. Why are you censoring legal fiction?"

Below are links to the companies waiting to hear from you. Click the link and you'll find their phone numbers, executive names and postal mailing addresses. Be polite, respectful and professional, and encourage your friends and followers to do the same. Let them know you want them out of the business of censoring legal fiction.

Tell the credit card companies you want them to give PayPal permission to sell your ebooks without censorship or discrimination. Let them know that PayPal's policies are out of step with the major online ebook retailers who already accept your books as they are. Address your calls, emails (if you can find the email) and paper letters (yes paper!) to the executives. Post open letters to them on your blog, then tweet and Facebook hyperlinks to your letters. Force the credit card companies to join the discussion about censorship. And yes, express your feelings and opinions to PayPal as well. Don't scream at them. Ask them to work on your behalf to protect you and your readers from censorship. Tell them how their proposed censorship will harm you and your fellow writers.

Visa: http://finance.yahoo.com/q/pr?s=V+Profile

American Express: http://finance.yahoo.com/q/pr?s=AXP+Profile

MasterCard: http://finance.yahoo.com/q/pr?s=MA+Profile

Discover: http://finance.yahoo.com/q/pr?s=DFS+Profile

Ebay (owns PayPal): http://finance.yahoo.com/q/pr?s=ebay+Profile

Filed under: Conspiracies, Creativity, Existentialism, Internet, Literarian Tagged: Censoring, ebooks, PayPal, Smashwords

Memo to All Dinosaurs: "Evolve or Die"

Just saw a post on Facebook and had a moment of clarity. This is what she said:

Just had one of those sad moments. Was talking to one of my old college instructors who I have been friends with since being in their class. Had a disappointing conversation with them. I was basically told I will never become a writer if I self-publish. I know the black mark some of the crap that has come out of self-publish and what it has done to authors and writers. However, I do not feel I am making a mistake and dooming myself to failure by starting that way. I hate that so many people still view Indie and self-publishing in such a negative way and have such a closed mind about it. Makes me want to get published and be successful even more now to prove them wrong!

This is what I replied:

I really hate to say it this way, but when someone old tells you that things will never change, what they're really saying is that THEY'LL never change. Also, what they're saying doesn't make any sense; there are already plenty of success stories in self-publishing. "Never" is very petty word. The next time you see those dinosaurs, gently tell them, "Evolve or die."

Filed under: Conspiracies, Creativity, Literarian, Satire, Technology Tagged: authors, Indie, self-publishing, writers

Call Yourself an Old School Gamer, Do You?

Today's kids have no idea what led up to the immersive computer game experiences they take for granted these days. If it weren't for the beta toys of my gen, they'd have none of it. The following is a rough sample of some of the earlier tech I've worked with before the current stuff.

Back in the early 1980s, I was big on (and committed serious paper route profits to) coin-op games like Asteroids, Zaxxon, Sinistar, Bosconian, and Galaga. I had access to a Trash-80 and PET2000 in Junior High (both with the leaderless cassette drives) and owned the TI-99/4a minus "the expansion box" (aka "the rest of the computer"). For a while I even got to play around with a Timex Sinclair. At the same time at home, I also had a 2600, store-used 5200, Intellivision, and a Colecovision (with the deluxe four-finger controllers).

While reverse engineering programs like "Eliza," I played a lot of "SpaceWarp" and "Pyramid." Oh, the hours spent falling into a hole and dying in the dark because you couldn't find the vending machine in the middle of the labyrinth, drop coins into, and buy fresh batteries for your flashlight. In high school, the computer lab at school had Apple IIs and IIes (and even one IIc). By college, IBM personal computers were getting into computer labs while the Apple Amiga and amber-screen Compaqs came onto the scene.

Since then, I've played other people's console games but was too busy with computer, writing, and other stuff to play many of them ("Konker's Bad Fur Day" was one of my favorites). Computer games were more accessible and (until the most recent consoles came out) generally had better and more sophisticated game play (Diablo and Diablo II). While WOW just seems like so much of a do-nothing machine that I can't justify committing serious time to (and I've tried it about four times), I'm anxiously awaiting "Diablo III" and fully intend to put life on hold long enough to get some serious demonslaying done!

(Inspired by "When the MCP Was Just A Chess Program" by Wil Wheaton)

Filed under: Creativity, Internet, Roleplaying, Technology Tagged: computer, console, drop coins, fresh batteries, Gamer, Old School, timex sinclair, trash 80, Wil Wheaton

The Hurricane Song

(sung to the tune of "Kokomo" by The Beach Boys and with full apologies)

Aruba, jamaica ooo they wanna rake ya

Bermuda, bahamas left us in pajamas

Key largo, montego maybe I will forego

Jamaica

Off the Florida Keys

There's another hurricane

That's why we wanna go and get away from it all

Bodies in the sand

Tropical debris slicing up your hand

We'll be falling in streets

Dodging bullets from all the looting bands

As sand banks overflow

Aruba, jamaica ooo they wanna rake ya

Bermuda, bahamas left us in pajamas

Key largo, montego maybe I will forego

Ooo each archipelago

Storm'll get there fast

Then it'll take it slow

That's why we wanna go

Away from overflow

Season's at peak, third storm to hit this week

We'll block out the sea

And board up all openings completely

By and for we'll restore a little electricity

Afternoons like night

Cancelled last minute flights

That worried look in your eye

Can't help thinking that we're going to die

From ocean overflow

Aruba, jamaica ooo they wanna rake ya

Bermuda, bahamas left us in pajamas

Key largo, montego maybe I will forego

Ooo each archipelago

Storm'll get there fast

Then it'll take it slow

That's why we wanna go

Away from overflow

Not convinced, when it hasn't been here since

Anybody knows

A little hut like a bungalow

When the winds start to blow

It won't survive this at all

Get out of kokomo

Aruba, jamaica ooo they wanna rake ya

Bermuda, bahamas left us in pajamas

Key largo, montego maybe I will forego

Ooo each archipelago

Storm'll get there fast

Then it'll take it slow

That's why we wanna go

Away from overflow

Aruba, jamaica ooo they wanna rake ya

Bermuda, bahamas left us in pajamas

Key largo, montego maybe I will forego

Ooo each archipelago (repeats)

"The Hurricane Song" is Copyright 2004 by Kevin A. Ranson. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached. www.ThinkingSkull.com.

Filed under: Creativity, Satire, Weatherish Tagged: The Hurricane Song