Gregory Lamberson's Blog, page 20

"You're a drunk and a tramp, Sue Ellen."

I'm saddened to learn of the Thanksgiving passing of one of my heroes, Larry Hagman. I DREAM OF JEANIE was a fixture of my childhood, and I was probably one of the few high school students obsessed with DALLAS (which I watched from the beginning because it starred THE MAN FROM ATLANTIS, Patrick Duffy). Hagman stole the show as dastardly oilman JR Ewing, and literally made it his own. People may not remember, but at the height of the "Who Shot JR?" craze, there was a media frenzy unlike any ever seen for a TV show before, and this was in the days before the internet and ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. Taking a page from JR's playbook, Hagman shrewdly used the ultimate cliffhanger to hold out for more money, and CBS capitulated; for years he was the highest paid performer on TV. The show lasted 14 seasons, and it was actually good for about eight of them (guys like Dack Rambo and Marc Singer did not help). During that time Hagman served as a producer on the show and directed many episodes (all while being an alcoholic). The show faded as all shows that stay on the air too long do, and ended with a bizarre episode in which JR contemplated killing himself and was visited by a guardian angel played by Joel Grey.

Hagman had some genre cred too: between JEANIE and DALLAS he directed BEWARE THE BLOB!, aka SON OF THE BLOB, a true cult film. After DALLAS cased production, he returned to his greatest role for a pair of TV movies: DALLAS: THE RETURN OF JR and DALLAS: WAR OF THE EWINGS. He guest starred on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and NIP TUCK, then made an unlikely return in the successful DALLAS continuation last year. That's a good show, and really delivered the goods in its season finale, and it was great seeing geriatric JR schooling his not nearly as cool son John Ross. The worst thing about it was that there wasn't enough of Hagman, and now we know why: he was receiving treatment for the cancer that ultimately killed him (reports say he died peacefully and happy, surrounded by family).

I met Hagman once, when he attended Chiller in NJ maybe 10 years ago. At the time, people were griping that Chiller was turning into the nostalgia show that it is now, but I was excited to meet him and shake his hand. He was one of only two celebrities I ever got an autograph from (the other being Karen Allen). He wore his ten gallon hat and was in good spirits. He signed one of my DALLAS DVD sets.

His contribution to pop culture should not be underestimated; JR ranks as one of the all time great villains in any medium, and DALLAS spawned a horde of imitators: DYNASTY, FLAMINGO ROAD, and spinoff KNOTS LANDING. But there can only be one JR, darlin'. Bad news for the continuation: the first season ended on a great cliffhanger that begged for JR to return and battle rival Cliff Barnes. We'll learn soon enough how many episodes Hagman filmed before passing at age 81. I feel bad for Duffy, whose only purpose on the sequel was to butt heads with his TV brother.

And now, some great quotes from ol' JR:

"Katherine, don't threaten me honey, you're way out of your league."

"Well Barnes, I find your philantrophy awe inspiring." (J.R. to Cliff Barnes)

J.R.: "He bit me!"
Sue Ellen: "Who?"
J.R.: "Cliff Barnes, that rodent!"
Sue Ellen: "How did he bite you?"
J.R.: "With his teeth Sue Ellen, how do you think he's gonna bite me?"
"Where the hell is that first aid kit!"

"Well I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use me like some stud-service!" (J.R. to Sue Ellen)

"Boy, you're just one dumb ole cowboy, ain't you!?" (J.R. to Ray)

"Well Ray, nice little place you got yourself here!" (From J.R.' visit to jailed Ray)

"Like my daddy alway's said: if you can't get in the front door, just go around to the back."

"Well you can't cross a bridge until it's built!" (J.R Ewing on whether or not he would ever enter politics)

"Russel, there are a few things that J.R. Ewing can't afford, but patience is one of them!"

"Like my daddy alway's said, where there's a way, there's a will."

JR: "John, I want to see that will?"
John: "I can't. That would be betraying a trust."
JR: "And whatta you call cheatin' on your wife?"

"Anything worth having is worth going for- all the way."

"Trusting Barns is like trusting the cowette with the keys to the chicken coup!"

"The best news I'm ever gonna get from you is that you're out of my life forever!"(J.R. to Barnes)

"Oh Barnes, you just get dumber and dumber every day!"

"Say, why don't you have that junior plastic surgeon you married design you a new face: one without a mouth!" (J.R. to Lucy)

"Revenge is the single most satisfying feeling in the world!"

"You're becoming a pretty poor excuse for a wife." (J.R. to Cally)

"I wouldn't give you the dust off my car!"

"Ray never was comfortable eating with the family; we do use knives and forks."

"A conscience is like a boat or a car. If you feel you need one, rent it." (J.R. Ewing to his lawyer and lover, Anita Smithfield)

"You know, you and Cliff Barnes should start an oil company. You could call it "Blind and Bland"!"(J.R. to Ray)

"No I don't give a damn about your happiness!"(Ole J.R. to Pam)

" It's about time that old baracuda got his come upance." (JR to Bobby and Jock about Vaughan Leland)

"You know,Sue Ellen,I do believe you're going ninety miles an hour toward a nervous breakdown. We're going to have to do something about your ravings."

"When your holding a double barrel shotgun use both barrels."(J.R. to Sly)

"Contracts were made to be broken, honey, but a handshake is the law of God." (J.R. Ewing to the daughter of an oil business associate)

"Lots of men have tried to run roughshod over me you can visit them in the cemetery!"( JR to the Dr. who had controlling stock of Weststar)

"You're becoming a pretty poor excuse for a wife." (J.R. to Cally)

"You take another shot at my daddy, and I'm gonna knock of that nose of yours 5 inches of the center!" (J.R. to that ole drunk)

"You couldn't find any oil under the hood of my car if I gave you a golden stick to do it!" (J.R. to that ole drunk)


"Well, I took care of that Englishman [Alex]; he ain't gonna do no more business in the state of Texas!"

"The day I start living by the rules my wife set for me will be the one when Dallas Cowboys make it to the SuperBowl!"

"A marriage is like a salad: the man has to know how to keep his tomatoes on the top!"

"Never interfere with a man who's correcting his wife!" (J.R. to James)

"Never underestimate the elderly!"

"Never tell the truth when a good lie'll do!"

"I come home for love and support, and all I get is a load of crap!" (J.R. to Cally)


"All that matters is winnin'!"

"So, you just remember who you're working for, keep a civil tongue in your head, and try to answer my questions with a bit of civility!"(J.R. to an engineer)

J.R.: "Cryder, you just joined the crowd!"
Wilson Cryder: "What crowd!?"
J.R.: "The crowd of people who lived to regret crossing J.R. Ewing."

"Oh common Bob, a few dead ducks is all that there is to it!"


"Oh James, there is God after all, and right now He's smiling at ole J.R.!"


"We're just celebrating some recent developments!"(J.R. at the Oil Baron's)


"The only thing that is screwed up in this office Barnes is your head, which I would be more than happy to serve on a silver platter if I weren't worried about my family getting food poisoning!"


"Well there you are. We were about to put up your furniture for an auction... not that we would get one whole hell of a lot for those garage-sale items of yours!"

"Mary Lee, if you don't hurry, someone else is gonna get your street corner!"

"That's right honey, get on the Titanic while you still can!" (J.R. to April when she was about to buy Weststar shares)

J.R.: "You are going to the funeral of a man (Tommy McKay) who tried to kill you!? Well, I'll tell you..."
Bob: "You may wanna show up too!"
J.R.: "Yea, some of my best deals were cut at funerals!"


"Look up the word cheap in a dictionary, and you'll see his picture there!" (J.R. about Cliff Barnes)


"The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it to ole J.R. Ewing!"


"By the way honey, your a little too old to be running around without your clothes on." (JR to Mary Lee)


"Honey, if you wanna hear your answer, you gotta ask the question at the right time; that's from J.R. Ewing's handbook!" (J.R. to Cally)

"Hell will freeze over before you work in these offices!" (J.R. to Cliff upon learning he is a new partner in Ewing Oil)

"Cliff, sharpen up your ice skates it's gonna be a long winter!"

"Drivers like you tempt me to mount a machine-gun to the hood of my car!"

"I'll have to call you later, a tornado just blew in!"


"That's O.K. honey, Bobby doesn't have a capacity to forgive and forget like I do. That's a shame, damn shame!"

"You should go to sleep Sue Ellen, you know how haggard you look when you don't get your full eight hours!?"

"Don't be so glum Lucy; rich folks are always happy!"


"Go to bed Sue Ellen, there's nothing uglier than a woman who can't handle her liquor!"


Fenton Washburn:"What would you like in your coffee Mr. Ewing?"
J.R.: "Bourbon!"

"First that little British tramp, then Sue Elen... Clayton, you just can't keep your zipper up, can you!" (J.R. to Clayton)


Harry McSween: "Heart attack is a serious thing. Hope Mr. Farlow pulls through!"
J.R.: "If he does, he does; if he doesn't, he dies! Never should've married my momma in the first place!"

"Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you; and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves!"


"I'm sure Ray will be great in the ranching business momma; he might even be able to tell one end of the horse from the other!"


"Aren't you supposed to be out there feeding cows or something!"(J.R. to Ray)


"Don't worry about her; the good Lord has ways of looking after drunks like her!"

"Always keep your friends close, but your enemies closer!"

Barnes:"We are related!"
J.R.: "We're not even the same specie Barnes!"

.JR.: "Well, last night we went to the Oil Baron's and we ran into that termite brother of yours!"
Pam: "Are you talking to me?"
J.R.: "Anyone else in here got a termite for a brother?"

"Well Sue Ellen, where did you spend the night, in a brewery!?"

J.R."To call Harv Smithfield. I want him to set up that test first thing in the morning!"
Bob: "But it's one o'clock in the morning!?"
J.R.: "For what we're paying him, he oughtta be sleeping on our front porch! ..."


"Sue Ellen, you're a drunk, a tramp, and an unfit mother."

Pamela: "Digger is sick, and he's in the hospital" J.R.: "You mean, he's drunk!?"

Sue Ellen, you're not a wife, you're not a mother, and you sure as hell are not a Ewing!"

"I never forget those who do me a favor, and I never forget those who don't!"
"...the dirtier, the better!"

Finishing What You Start: Happy Endings in Film and Print

I'm mentoring two writers for the same reason I produced SNOW SHARK and will be producing another film this spring: I believe in paying it forward, and I believe that almost thirty years of experience toiling in the trenches has yielded a little wisdom (that being said, I tell both writers to take everything I say with a grain of salt).

One of them expressed some concern about which workshops to take and which "how to" books to read. Meanwhile, she's already finished a novel. When I set down to write my first novel, PERSONAL DEMONS, I must have bought fifty instructional books; I submitted my manuscript to a Writer's Digest critiquing service; and I spent $65 to join the Horror Writers Association. Few of the books offered and information of value, and the Writer's Digest critique was a complete waste of money: after six months, I received a critique and I could tell that large sections were copied and pasted from a template. During that same six months, three writers in the HWA agreed to read my ms, did so in a timely manner, and got me their comments before Writer's Digest did. I also use the advice I got from them to this day (only one of the three writers is still an HWA member).

If you've finished a novel or a film, my advice is to keep working on it, to make it as good as it can possibly be. Then find writers/filmmakers to give you honest feedback (in the case of filmmakers, the most important time for feedback is during the screenwriting phase, and then after the first cut of the film; if you go into production with an unsatisfactory script, you've gotten off to a bad start that will probably haunt you until you give up on ever getting a distribution deal and move onto your next ill advised project). Companies like Writer's Digest exist to make money off writers, not to actually help them; the people involved in them have no answers, or they'd be writing and selling novels rather than making money from the people they profess to want to help. As legendary novelist and screenwriter William Goldman wrote, "Nobody knows nothing."

Finishing that first draft should be your first goalpost; rewriting it should be your second; finishing it should be your third; and selling it should be your last - but you can't sell it until you've finished it, can you? So crossing the finishing line is key. If you've already completed a novel then you're ahead of the game, and your time is better served rewriting/editing than attending workshops and reading instructional books.

Finishing seems to be most difficult in the indie film world. I see so people who squander resources and the time of volunteers (or paid workers) for projects that will never be finished that it makes me wonder how anyone can take anything seriously. If someone has "made" four films but never finished one, I'd think twice about getting involved with him (actually, I wouldn't have to think about it at all - there are talkers and walkers). If someone else has spent several years on a project and has nothing to show for his efforts, I would consider that this person doesn't know as much about the industry as he claims - in fact, I'd bet on it. You'd be amazed how many "film producers" are con men...or maybe you wouldn't be surprised at all. My feeling is that someone who's never finished a project has no business giving advice to others, let alone lecturing them. Sooner or later the truth always comes out.

The worlds of film and fiction are extremely different: a novelist does it all himself, and takes the bricks with the accolades. A filmmaker relies on cast, crew and investors - he'll try to take all the credit if the film succeeds and lay the blame at the feet of others if it fails. If a novelist fails to sell his latest work, he moves onto his next novel, quietly. Filmmakers tend to fail spectacularly, largely because of today's social networking sites; the amount of hubris displayed by people who are more concerned with racking up IMDB credits or getting "respect" on Facebook is astonishing. You cannot spend every day for a year or more bragging about a project and then expect people to forget it when you never finish the project and announce the next one. The only thing that matters is the finished project, and there are no happy endings if you don't cross the finish line.

Dreadful Tales Reviews THE FRENZY WAR

It's nice to see THE FRENZY WAR is still getting reviewed six months after its release. Here's a good one from Dreadful Tales:

http://dreadfultales.com/2012/11/19/the-frenzy-war-by-greg-lamberson/

Good Spirits

Last year Kaelin's final report card was so good I told her I'd take her to dinner wherever she wanted to celebrate, and she chose The King and I, our best Thai restaurant. For whatever reason we didn't make it, and recently she'd been asking to go to the same place. She got an even better report card last week, so I was determined to take her tonight. We got our coats on before I remembered that my car is trapped at the garage until a replacement credit card arrives to cover $1100 in repairs, so we walked.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that the liquor store in the same strip mall (Kenwin Liquors on Kensington Avenue) was open after being closed for a year. The owner, an older Irish woman, is someone I used to talk to quite a bit whenever I went in there, and one day the place was all boarded up after some accident. I don't follow our local news, but I did some quick research and learned that in broad daylight a drunk driver plowed right through the store's front window and crushed both of the owner's legs. I never even knew her name, but I kept checking to see if the store had reopened so I could see her again, and I finally gave up. I knew the store had been put up for sale, so we almost walked right by it without going in, but I recognized her old armchair in the front window.

Sure enough, when we walked in she rose from the back area where she always watched TV. I was so happy to see her that I gave her a big hug. She gave me the play by play on her accident, which was truly horrible - she'd have been killed if a customer hadn't pulled her aside right before impact. The driver got off with a $275 fine, the owner's been undergoing physical therapy all this time, all the while paying rent on a closed store, and her lawyer's been worthless. She did sell the store, and she's only working there until the new owner is approved for his liquor license (on a technicality, she would have lost her license had she not reopened, and then she would have been screwed if the prospective buyer isn't approved).

We had a great dinner - the last in a restaurant anytime soon - and it was great to see my old friend. It just goes to show that the law is an ass, but friends are wonderful.

To Infinity and Beyond

Things have been really busy this year... really busy. I had three books published and I worked on two feature films. It is possible to make a living an author/filmmaker on the lower levels if you workworkwork...and if you don't have a mountain load of debt. Unfortunately, I do. This year I also attended three major conventions and ran a third year film festival (which turned out to be much more work than in past years). And I had to promote these projects. Frankly, there hasn't been enough time to promote all of them the way I'd have liked, and when I concentrate on promotion there isn't enough time to write. The new eternal struggle? My wife has gotten involved in some behind the scenes promoting, so that may lighten the load. I'm trying to direct a short documentary before the year is over.

2013 looks to be just as busy. In January I may write/direct/produce a project which I can't discuss yet. In February, SNOW SHARK: ANCIENT SNOW BEAST, which I produced, will be released on DVD. I have reason to believe this will be a real sleeper, fingers crossed. In the spring, I'm producing another low budget feature, which I also wrote. My attitude toward the films I produce is this: I'm happy to produce features which other filmmakers direct, paying it forward, but I don't want to direct anything that costs less than the $50,000 that SLIME CITY MASSACRE cost. That being said, I have a pretty good idea what the next film I'm going to direct will be, but it won't be this year. I will be directing a short in 2013, though.

Medallion Press will publish my novel THE JULIAN YEAR, the first TREEbook (Timed Reading Experience E-book). Writing it has been one of the most daunting creative challenges I've faced, and now that I'm editing the bulk of it (some material still needs to be written) I can also say it's been one of the most satisfying; a real case of knowing what I wanted the overall project to be, sticking to my guns, and being proud of the results. STORM DEMON, Book 5 of The Jake Helman Files will be published in October 2013. The Helman Files continues to be the creative project which makes me most proud. The film festival will continue, but with changes.

My daughter brought home an amazing report card today. Her highest grade was an A+, her lowest a B+, her reading level is a year ahead of her grade, and the comments were wonderful. I've got a great, smart and funny kid (also stubborn and temperamental...). Today in the mail I got the reprint of ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED STORY and she sat on my lap and I took her through it. She loves to read and she's obsessed with Spider-Man, and her curiosity about my projects is pretty thrilling.

The Night Buffalo SCREAMED

Artvoice has included a write up on the SNOW SHARK & SLIME CITY MASSACRE double feature at The Screening Room this Friday night, 7 pm - 11 pm, in its "Now Playing Section":

http://artvoice.com/issues/v11n45/listings/film_now_playing

THE NIGHT BUFFALO SCREAMED — Greg Lamberson hosts an evening of local horror movies, including the features Slime City Massacre and Snow Shark, the shorts “Defanged,” “The Camper,” and “Mean Motherfucker,” raffles, local vendor, Q&As and more. Fri 7 pm . Screening Room

We will have copies of the SNOW SHARK: ANCIENT SNOW BEAST and SLIME CITY GRINDHOUSE COLLECTION DVDs as door prizes, and I'll have copies of my books and DVDs, including TORTURED SPIRITS, for sale; Sam Qualiana will be selling copies of his short films;and Rod Durick will have copies of FILMING THE UNDEAD: HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN ZOMBIE MOVIE.

Dracula's Father: Celebrating Bram Stoker

Google Doodles informs me that today is Bram Stoker's 165th birthday. Of course, Stoker is dead, unlike his greatest creation, which will no doubt live on for centuries to come. DRACULA, of course, is one of the greatest and most influential horror novels ever written, the grandaddy of contemporary vampire fiction. The Irishman took several legends of vamps from around the world and mixed them together, assembling the tropes that vampire novels and films since have either embraced or eschewed, but have consistently acknowledged.

DRACULA holds up quite well: its large cast of characters, daring themes of sexual repression and liberation, and streak of anti-Catholicism (as embodied by Dracula, anyway) are still potent. Think back on these classic images brought to life by Stoker's prose: Dracula climbing down a castle wall; Dracula gifting his brides with a screaming infant to feed on; and Dracula perversely drawing Mina Harker to suck his blood.

DRACULA is great for other reasons. The count is the greatest villain in literature, bar none. And the novel gave us Dr. Van Helsing, the first vampire slayer. It's also far better written and constructed than Mary Shelley's FRANKENSTEIN, which has been equally influential.

Hammer's THE HORROR OF DRACULA remains my favorite film adaptation, a lighting fast compression events with Christopher Lee as the definitive bloodsucker and Peter Cushing the definitive hunter. I also love Jack Palance's interpretation of the character in Dan Curtis's adaptation scripted by Richard Matheson, and John Badham's version with Frank Langella has a lot of wonderful moments. I enjoyed Coppola's version for its baroque imagery and use of old school special effects. But the most faithful version remains the three part PBS version from the 1970s starring Louis Jordan.

Curtis's DARK SHADOWS took off during the year when his writers updated Stoker's novel for Barnabas Collins, and Stephen King pulled the same trick with SALEM'S LOT (my favorite King novel). Marv Wolfman, Gene Colan and Tom Palmer went to town with Marlvel's TOMB OF DRACULA comic, which has been an enormous influence on me. Stoker himself appears in Nicholas Meyer's novel THE WEST END HORROR, his follow up to the wonderful THE SEVEN PERCENT SOLUTION.

Dracula is all around us, in movies, on TV, in comics - even in a cereal brand. Stoker achieved a level of pop culture immortality which few people writing about him today can even dream of matching.

Voting in 2012

A lot of people striving to succeed in the entertainment field abstain from commenting on their political beliefs because it stands to reason that when you take a position on any issue you stand a good chance of alienating 50% of your potential audience. This has never been a big concern of mine; as Popeye used to say, "I yam what I yam" - and I believe what I believe, and I have a six year old daughter and care about the future of this country (and the future of this world).

Tomorrow morning, Tamar and I will get up early and go vote and take, even though Kaelin has the day off from school, and take Kaelin with us. I've taken Kaelin with me to vote on elections every two years since she was born. Unlike other parts of the country, we'll be in and out; turnout always seems so low in my area, and there are several poling places. There will be no goons harassing us and no voter intimidation; we just don't live in that kind of place.

It will surprise no one that I'm voting for President Obama. I'm a registered Democrat and a proud liberal (but not always a proud Democrat). I believe in the things my party stands for: equality for all, affordable health care for all, and a woman's right to control her own body. I'm satisfied that the President's done the best he could in the face of relentless and unprecedented obstructionism from a party that repeatedly put politics ahead of country, and admitted doing so.

I do not like what I see from the politicians on the other side, be it substantive policies, misleading talking points, or nasty, sarcastic rhetoric. I find the level of the GOP's hypocrisy almost as surreal as I do working class men and women voting against their own interests; some people vote with the blind fervor of a football fanatic. I don't like religion in politics; I don't like voter suppression; I don't like the thinly veiled racism or homophobia that I see in the Republican party. Most of all, I don't like the Tea Party, its blatant lies, or its bug-fuck crazy leaders. I also don't see any reason to soft pedal my disgust for a "movement" that has turned this country ugly.

As someone who works in more than one artistic field, I have a lot of friends who happen to be gay (I do not refer to them as my "gay friends"), and I find the GOP's 1950s mores not only backward, but unacceptable. It's 2012, people - you're not going to set the clock back, and if you somehow manage to, the long term damage to your party will be severe; history will not view the way you've violated the civil rights of these men and women.

Five months ago, my wife lost her job, and with her job, she and I and our daughter lost our health insurance - except that we didn't. Thanks to Obamacare, we're fully covered, and we've all needed those benefits. A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with nodes in my throat. If Mitt Romney is elected, and if he overturns Obamacare as he's promised (But what good are his promises? I have never in my life seen a human being whose actual beliefs are so unreadable, and who has flipped, flopped, and flapped on every single issue), not only could we lose our coverage, but I will quite likely never have coverage again, since I have what could be called a previously diagnosed condition.

How about women's rights? Specifically, abortion? How about developing new energy sources and restricting harmful emissions? How about fucking global warming? One party is on the right side of every one of these issues, and one party stands on the wrong side of them. I laugh when people say there's no difference between these two parties; nothing could be farther than the truth. I don't laugh when people don't vote, then lecture the rest of us on politics.

Tomorrow is Election Day. I believe President Obama will win, but I also believe that when a race is too close to call, the GOP will steal said election, so if you care about the things I care about, get up and vote like apes!

SNOW SHARK & SLIME CITY MASSACRE Double Feature November 9th

This Friday, November 9th, SNOW SHARK: ANCIENT SNOW BEAST and SLIME CITY MASSACRE will play as a double feature at The Screening Room Cinema Cafe in Amherst, New York at 7:00 pm. The Screening Room served as the venue for Buffalo Screams Horror Film Festival during its first two years. Admission is only $9.00, and beer and wine (and popcorn) are available. The program also includes several locally produced short films. Here's the lineup:

A PRIVATE PLACE (winner of Buffalo Screams' Best More Than Horror Short Film) - directed by Dave Flanagan and starring Shery Lyn Litz. An abused woman seeks refuge in her private bathroom, which decides its had enough of his behavior. Strong performance by Lutz, nice atmosphere.

The original SNOW SHARK short film: Several years ago Sam Qualiana, his brother Simeon, and some friends made a short SNOW SHARK in which they wore fake mustaches to pass for adults, and the resulting film is hilarious. This short inspired the feature film version, and appears on the DVD which will be out in February, but now you can see it on the big screen!

SNOW SHARK: ANCIENT SNOW BEAST - Written, directed, and starring Sam Qualiana; co-starring C.J. Qualiana (who does not wear a fake mustache), Kathy Thiel Murphy, Andrew Elias, Jackey Hall, Andy Taylor, John Renna and Jason John Bebe. Special effects by Andrew LAvin, Arick Szymecki and John Rnna. A prehistoric Great White Shark, freed from its icy imprisonment preys upon the population of a snowbound community. Coming to DVD on February 19th.

INTERMISSION - FIFTEEN MINUTES TO BUY BEER AND WINE! (And don't forget to tip your bartender)

LIFE'S A BITCH, THEN THEY DIE - A Faux Grindhouse Trailer written, directed, and starring John Renna, co-starring Stacey Book. The film made for anyone who's ever wished to see John Renna abused by Stacey Book!

MEAN MOTHERFUCKER - A Faux Grindhouse Trailer written and directed by Jay Mager, starring Alexander Sloan McBryde, Julian Dickman, Bob Bozek, Micah Rose, Sherri Lyn Litz, Drew Baily and Kash Costner.A lot of bad people do their thing in a very funny film, highlighted by a Baily and Lutz's girl fight.

DEFANGED: DECLINE OF THE VAMPIRE - A short film directed by Rod Durick, starring Sam Qualiana, Michael O'Hear and Paul McGinnis. A vampire count, his slave, and a vampire slayer cope with the modern era of TWILIGHT fandom.

THE CAMPER (winner of Buffalo Screams' Best Western New York Genre Film award) - A Faux Grindhouse Trailer written by and starring Paul McGinnis, directed by Rod Durick, co-starring Michael O'Hear. When a Boy Scout leader is stripped of his manhood, a camp site becomes his stalking ground. Quite simply the funniest film I've seen come out of Buffalo.

SLIME CITY MASSACRE - 2010 sequel to my 1988 cult film SLIME CITY, starring Jennifer (Bihl) McMahaon, Debbie Rochon, Kealan Patrick Burke, Lee Perkins, Robert Sabin, Mary (Huner) Bogle, Brooke Lewis, Roy Frumkes and Lloyd Kaufman...and co-starring Michael O'Hear, John Renna, Sandra Roland, Bob Bozek, Dick Biel, Tommny Sweeney, Micah Rose.... the list goes on and on! Special Make-Up Effects by Rod Durick, Craig Lindberg, Arick Szymecki, Andrew Lavin and John Renna. SCM was released on DVD by Media Blasters in 2010 and had a theatrical release last year.

There you go, roughly four hours of side splitting, head splitting entertainment from Buffalo's genre filmmaking community, for less than a ten spot! The Screening Room is located at 3131 Sheridan Drive, in the Northtown Plaza, facing Bailey Avenue.

I'll have copies of all of my books for sale; Sam Qualiana will have copies of his short film and T-shirts (you can wear SNOW SHARK with pride); and Rod Durick will have copies of his book FILMING THE UNDEAD: HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN ZOMBIE MOVIE.

Library Journal Reviews TORTURED SPIRITS/The Jake Helman Files

My Google Alert failed to alert me that Library Journal published a great review of The Jake Helman Files and TORTURED SPIRITS in a Halloween themed piece, "New Horror for Haunting Season," midway through October.

EXCERPTS:

Halloween is coming, and so are many readers who do not normally enjoy the horror genre but who want to give it a try. Of course, there are the “old standby” authors like Stephen King, Anne Rice, and Peter Straub and new best sellers like Joe Hill and Jonathan Maberry. But if you are only relying on these writers to help your once-a-year horror readers, you may be missing a better match for their specific tastes. Consider these six 2012 titles that illustrate how easily horror can cross over into other popular genres.

What about mystery lovers? Steer them directly to Gregory Lamberson and his “Jake Helman Files” series about a New York City police officer–turned–PI specializing in supernatural crimes. These are gory and horrific novels, but they are also imaginative and original, with a strong investigative story line. In ­Tortured Spirits (Medallion. 2012. ISBN 9781605424064. pap. $14.95), Jake’s quest to save a colleague who has been turned into a raven by a witch doctor leads him south, where he uncovers an army of zombie slaves harvesting drugs for evil mastermind Malvado.

#

Reviews for TORTURED SPIRITS have been few and far between, and I'm thrilled that Library Journal has called my work "imaginative and original."

TORTURED SPIRITS is available as a trade paperback from Medallion Press, and on Kindle, Nook, and Korbo, and as an audio book from Audible.com. I'm not selling used cars when I say this is my best book to date, and I encourage readers to post reviews on Amazon, Good Reads, etc.

http://www.amazon.com/Tortured-Spirits-Helman-Files-Series/dp/1605424064/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351869040&sr=8-1&keywords=tortured+spirits

Medallion produced an excellent "extra" for the series, THE JAKE HELMAN FILES: AFTERLIFE PROJECT, which is an overview illustrated by the talented Kyle Bice. AFTERLIFE features 23 original drawings of key creatures, characters and set pieces from the series, captioned by Jake and introduced by me. This was originally going to be a free ap, but after Apple became difficult, it's now a free PDF or EPUB download on the Medallion website; just click the "Downloads" tab on any Jake Helman Files Book page:

http://medallionmediagroup.com/books/tortured-spirits/

In other book news, I've learned that my friend and former film school instructor, Roy Frumkes, will be using CHEAP SCARES: LOW BUDGET HORROR FILMMAKERS SHARE THEIR SECRETS, as a text book in his horror film class next semester.

http://www.amazon.com/Cheap-Scares-Budget-Filmmakers-Secrets/dp/0786437065/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1351869285&sr=1-1&keywords=cheap+scares