Barbara Edwards's Blog, page 23

Biopsy, a personal journey, by Barbara Edwards

Barbara Edwards

I wasn’t afraid. Not at first. I’m really good with my imagination and I pictured myself as this blase individual, too informed to be the slight bit nervous.

I managed that until 2pm on the day of the biopsy.

As any woman will admit, breast cancer is a nightmare none of us wants to consider. No female in my family had breast cancer. I breast fed my babies. And I had no discernible lumps. I thought I was safe. I did let the doctor talk me into the mammogram since it’s been years.

I didn’t expect to need a biopsy.

So they found a cluster of calcium deposits. Calcium appears in your body normally. It can be in your veins, muscles, bones, even kidneys and doesn’t mean much. Except the tiny deposits can signal a cancer in the making. You can chose to wait and see if they change, have a biopsy or have a breast surgeon remove them immediately. I chose the biopsy.

I went in the afternoon, 2 PM to be exact and didn’t feel nervous until that time. Then I got the shakes. Lucky for me the technician sat me down to explain the procedure. Most important is to hold still she repeated several times. My brain switched gear and I asked when I should take the relaxant my doctor prescribed. I’m not a fool and I know I can get really stressed. Right now she said. It will take effect quickly and you’ll be relaxed . Whew. So I popped the tiny sucker and let myself unwind.

I had to climb on a table shaped like a shallow cup with a hole for my breast to drop through. Underneath are a mammogram machine and the biopsy machine. The table is raised so the doctor sits underneath. I had to adjust myself until my breast was in position, then maneuver the rest of my body into some kind of acceptable comfort.

I was sprawled on my stomach, my ribs on a hard surface, my left arm along my side and my right tucked near my head. My face was turned to the right.

Don’t Move!

Okay, its only a few minutes from this point. Clamp the breast so it doesn’t move. Wash it with saline and antiseptic. Take a picture to spot the deposits. Argh! Inject the lidocane to numb and epinephrine to shrink the blood vessels. Not as bad as I expected. Then another deeper shot so the biopsy needle can move without discomfort. Cut a tiny incision for the biopsy needle. By now the muscle relaxant has me fairly cheerful. I tell the doctor I write romance and we have a silly interchange about the difference between erotica, romance and porn.

The biopsy takes about a minute. Tiny plugs are removed and rushed to be viewed under a microscope. Yep, got the calcium deposit.

Now set a titanium marker in the spot so if it needed we can find the exact place. Put pressure on the hole to stop the bleeding. This takes a long time. I’m joking about having someone hold my breast. Then they apply a butterfly bandage with stuff to stop the bleeding. Then a waterproof cover, then gauze, then bind my breasts with an ace bandage to help control the swelling. I’m going to be black and blue and sore in the morning. Don’t take a shower for 24 hours.

            They’ll call me on Monday with the results.  

Am I worried? Yes and no. I still have a couple relaxants if my imagination gets me anxious. And my husband promised to hold my hand.

Visit my website at http://www.barbaraedwards.net. I’d love to hear from you. 

Filed under: writing

“Don’t worry,” she said. My #Mammogram by Barbara Edwards

I had a mammogram last week and got called back for a follow-up. Hmm. I figured that maybe the tech had a problem since my pacemaker is right above my breast. I wasn’t concerned. Routine, right?

I have to admit this is my first mammogram in twenty years. Okay, I can hear you yelling, but I have had other health issues and that got pushed to the end of a very long line. This year I decided I really needed a base-line. You know, just in case.

This morning the technician was really nice. I asked exactly why the follow-up.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “The radiologist found a lump and several calcium deposits that should be checked.” She patted my arm and a shiver ran up my spine.

Okay. A lump? I didn’t feel a lump! Calcium is good for your bones, isn’t it? What’s with that? I bit down on my emotions. It is not a panic time yet. Be calm.

The ex-ray machine is a fancy piece of equipment. The flat area adjusts to any height and the technician was efficient and careful. She took pictures of my left breast with the wide lens, than changed to a lens the size of my fist. This took focused pictures of a specific area.

The lens was tightened down and it pinched. Not an ouch, but a yow.

So twelve ex-rays later, I waited for the verdict. The radiologist recommends the lump have a sonogram. I know what that is: pregnant women have their babies’ pictures taken with a sonogram.

The nice part is it’s across the hall and will be done immediately. I’m not seating thank goodness since I couldn’t use deodorant today.

Another technician escorts me to a sheeted table and I recognize the machine from a few tests I’ve had in the past. No big deal. Glop on the lubricant and squiggle the hand-held sensor over the right area. So she squiggles this way and that and then excuses herself to ask the radiologist what she’s looking for.

Well. It can’t be very big if she can’t find it. Ooops, not the problem. I have fluid in my milk ducts sloshing around. The radiologist, a really pleasant woman with a nice handshake, takes over. They spend a few minutes examining my ducts and show me on the monitor the liquid moving. Weird.

They find the lump, measure at, and go for the calcium deposits.

The radiologist recommends a biopsy of the deposits since they’re in a cluster. The lump looks benign. Thank you, God.

So I go home. I’m irritable and cranky. Life is a funny journey. I’ve been blessed many times by God sending a serendipitous happening. This is one.

My biopsy is scheduled for next week.

By the way, my manuscript made my editor happy and I’m waiting for the contract. Another happy to smile about.

Visit my website. http://www.barbaraedwards.net

 

Filed under: family and friends Tagged: Barbara Edwards,, mammogram

Went for a bone density scan by Barbara Edwards

I had my physical and the doctor wanted me to go for a bone density scan. Why do I need one? I’ve never broken a bone even though I’m the world’s biggest clutz. The answer is for a base line measurement in case somewhere down the road I have a problem. I am an inch shorter than I was at age 18, but I think that’s from ordinary wear and tear.

The admissions desk called the night before and asked about my insurance, regular info and told me where to find the right desk. So there I was at the hospital, checking in at admissions for the test.  A nice lady fastened an identity bracelet on my wrist, handed me a sheet of labels and sent me upstairs.

I’m sure this is boring for many of you, but I find anything different of interest. I didn’t wait long at the radiology department for the technician. She showed me where to don a hospital robe. You know the one that never closes properly and the ties are all in weird places.

Then we walked down the hall to the xray room. I had to lay down on the table—a hard surface covered with a sheet–, bend my knees and put my legs on a square block that bent my knees at a 45% angle. The first scan was of my spine from the front. An odd, thick, mechanical arm projected over me and moved slowly downward. I didn’t hear any sound, but it took a picture.

Then the tech removed the block and I had to lay flat. Not very comfortable. With my feet turned pigeon-toed they took pictures of each hip.

Tada. All done. I got dressed and checked the pictures on the computer. It’s funny since I remember the old-fashioned xrays. Now the info goes right into the data bank. The whole thing took about 45 minutes from admission to checked out.

No pictures to show you. I do have a nice spine and hips.

 

Visit me at my Website: http://barbaraedwards.net

Facebook: http://facebook.com/BarbaraEdwards

Twitter: http://twitter.com/barb_ed

Authors Den: http://authorsden.com/barbaraedwards

Amazon Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/author/barbaraedwards

http://www.shelfari.com/authorbarbara_edwards

Filed under: family and friends Tagged: Barbara Edwards,, bone density scan, healthy

No post on Father’s Day by Barbara Edwards

Francis A. Radjeski

I I I oved my father. He worked long hours to keep us clothed and fed. He loved my Mom and his children. I have happy memories of going swimming at Hammonasset State Park and in Littleneck Bay. He could float and read the newspaper, often napping and having to be woke before he drifted out with the tide.

He grew a vegetable garden and I helped hoe and weed along with my sister. He loved flowers and planted a huge tulip garden to enjoy in the spring.

He was a good man.

During World War II he worked in the Brooklyn Navy Yards doing repairs on the various ships. He was a skilled electrician, plumber and welder. Those were the days before specialization. He spent his later years building environmental test chambers, installing the one used by Yale University.

For several years before he died he lived with me. He gradually became a cranky, grumpy, sometimes nasty old man. I still loved him, but I couldn’t understand his constant criticism. He accused me of stealing his money.  I was unable to handle his behavior and when he demanded to move back into his house it was a relief to put him on a plane.

I arranged for meals on wheels since he left the stove on and burned pots. I had his car disabled after got four traffic tickets for driving too slow and blocking the road.

I had guilt from failing as a caregiver and he continued to accuse me of outrageous acts until the day he died.

It took me years to remember the man who I loved all my life.

The sweetest memory? Every evening he would read to my sister and I from one of the classics. One chapter was the limit no matter how much we begged, but it was wonderful. I heard Treasure Island, Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Robinson Crusoe, Tarzan of the Apes to name a few.

Thank you, Dad, for my love of books and the written word.

 

Please visit me at my website  

http://www.barbaraedwards.net

Blog Site:

http://barbaraedwardscomments.wordpress.com

Facebook:

http://facebook.com/BarbaraEdwards

Twitter:

http://twitter.com/barb_ed

Authors Den:

http://authorsden.com/barbaraedwards

      

Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/author/barbaraedwards

http://www.shelfari.com/

authorbarbara_edwards

 

  

 

 

Filed under: writing

Blogging for fun or profit? By Barbara Edwards

If you’re looking for helpful hints, stop reading now. Today I’m complaining about my efforts to blog on a regular basis. For the first few months I loved to share my opinions and knowledge about writing. Then my paranormal book, Ancient Awakening, was released and the blast of promotion knocked me for a loop.

I knew the wider the circle of contacts the better for sales, so I agreed to guest blog for a number of other sites. They ranged from well-known to just starting up. I found other authors to be the friendliest, nicest, most supportive people in the world. I did interviews, blogs on writing, life experience, you name it, and I mentioned Ancient Awakening so many times I could type it in my sleep.

So what’s my complaint?

I got pooped. I used writing time to post another blog. I lost interest in my own blog, a place where I shared tiny bits of my life and writing career. I staggered along, not keeping to my planned schedule, sometimes not even posting a blog for a week or more. Yikes, not the way to build an audience, say the pundits.

After all this, I admit to a secret love of blogging. I share with you- what feels like a circle of friends who are interested in what I have to say.

I admit the goal of huge profits didn’t get reached. I learned the only way to earn more it to write more books. Huh. Maybe I did slip in some good advice.

What about the fun? I’m gradually regaining a feeling of happiness when I share with you. And when my next book is published I think I will handle the promotion pressure better. I hope so since its due out for Christmas.

Visit me:

Author Website: http://barbaraedwards.net

Blog Site: http://barbaraedwardscomments.wordpress.com

Facebook: http://facebook.com/BarbaraEdwards.Author

Twitter: http://twitter.com/barb_ed

Authors Den: http://authorsden.com/barbaraedwards           

Amazon Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/author/barbaraedwards

http://www.shelfari.com/authorbarbara_edwards

Check out my paranormal romances:

Blurb:

In Ancient Awakening, Police Officer ‘Mel’ Petersen investigates a death only she believes is murder. By disobeying direct orders from the Rhodes End Chief, she risks her career to follow clues that twist in circles to her backyard and lead the killer to her.

Her neighbor Stephen Zoriak is a prime suspect. Steve worked for a major pharmaceutical company where he discovered a weapon so dangerous he destroys the research. He is exposed to the dangerous organism. He suspects he is the killer and agrees to help her find the truth.

In the course of their investigation Mel and Steve find the real killer and a love that defies death.

Blurb: Ancient Blood

Lily Alban escapes a murderous stalker, but his vicious attack leaves her with the ability to see auras. She finds safety in the tiny hamlet of Rhodes End where a stranger stands out like a red light. Try as she might to deny her growing desire for Cole, she seeks his help but soon discovers the man she loves is not a man at all.

Werewolf Cole Benedict resists his attraction to Lily. A botanist researching the healing herbs to find a cure for Lycanthropy, he’s determined to protect Lily from her stalker as well as himself even in human form, but instinct takes over when he changes to his inner beast.

Together they must use their extraordinary gifts to catch Lily’s stalker before he attacks again, but revealing their secrets to one another could destroy their growing love or save them both.

 

   

Filed under: writing Tagged: Ancient Awakening, Ancient Blood, Barbara Edwards,, blogging, complaint

Do you visit cemeteries? By Barbara Edwards

Memorial Day is drawing closer. A day the nation remembers our dead soldiers. The parades are smaller, the ceremonies shorter and the remaining veterans fewer than when I was a child. Perhaps people are more focused on the surviving soldiers instead. I hope so.

 

I guess I’m old-fashioned. My family always decorated the grave-sites of deceased relatives. It was a way to show respect and a chance to share memories. To this day I can find my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few cousins in the enormous New York cemetery we visited. Now I put flowers on my parent’s grave in Connecticut.

 Perennials since I spend more than half the year in Florida. Lilies, plantains and bulbs like daffodils or tulips do well and assure me they are not being neglected. I need to go back and replant my sister’s flowers since they didn’t grow well this year. Sort of sad, but my sister and I shared a love of gardening. 

The new flags decorated the deceased soldiers are a bright note against the green grass.

 Cemeteries can evoke fear, grief, loneliness or interest. I added the last because like many who explore old graveyards, I think they are fascinating. The practice of gravestone rubbing has fallen off and that’s a good thing. It involved spreading tissue over the carved surface and rubbing it with charcoal. You could read weather-worn carving using this method, but it proved to be destructive.

 Another reason to visit cemeteries is the http://www.findagrave.com site on the internet. You can go there and ask about an ancestor if you’re interested. If you know the cemetery, it’s likely a local person will take a picture and post it for you. Or you can find one for someone else. In a society where people move far from their birth home this can be a way to make contact.

 Thanks for your interest in what I’ve been doing. Visit www.barbaraedwards.net for excerpts, buy links and free reads

Filed under: writing Tagged: Barbara Edwards,, cemetery, findagrave, Memorial Day

Flexing writing muscles by Barbara Edwards

I recently posted poetry on another blog. It’s not something i do regularly- write poetry, I mean. But I recommend writing poetry to stretch your skills. Poetry is a different way of observing. You must make your view compact yet compelling. Try it. You may find an unexplored talent.

Winnie

The damned cat died.

Old age, I suppose,

That mangy hair-ball.

Remember her silly kitten act?

Chasing dust balls from under the bed

To scatter tatters across the rug

And sneeze pieces clinging to her whiskers.

How many times did she drop an offering

At my feet or on the back step?

Mighty hunter of baby birds and mice

And once a two foot long snake.

Grooming in a ray of sunlight,

She’d stare contemptuously at my entrance

When I opened the door

Her tongue a tiny pink raspberry.

A purring lump against the small of my back

On cold, lonely nights.

Her raspy tongue would lick my chin

And tickle before I pushed her away.

So the damned cat died.

And I’m putting her ragged toys,

Bowl and collar into a brown bag.

To dispose of. Maybe.

I’ll miss the damned cat.

Much more than I ever miss you.

So tomorrow I’ll get another kitten,

Although I can’t think why.

Tonight there is an empty doorstep.

And a cold hollow at the small of my back.

And I’ll cry again, for both of you.

But mostly because the damned cat died.

I couldn’t find a picture of Winnie. She was a grey domestic.

Visit me at my website: www.barbaraedwards.net

http://twitter.com/Barb_ed

http://amazon.com/author/barbaraedward

http://www.Facebook.com/BarbaraEdwards.Author

Filed under: writing Tagged: Barbara Edwards,, Cats, poetry

Back in the saddle by Barbara Edwards

Pulling up my socks and getting back to my blog today. I didn’t plan to take a hiatus. I had a weird reaction to a prescription I’ve been on for years. I can’t say for sure what happened. Lucky for me I was having my regular check-up and blood-work.

But like that famous movie line, I’m back!

Gulf Sunset

I’m a snowbird, flitting between the Florida Panhandle and Connecticut. This winter the weather wasn’t warm. In typical fashion, the temperature swung to the extreme and we had a lot of cold days on the 50s and 60s. I know. I know. Don’t yell at me about the depth of the snow in your yard and the wind chill. That’s why we go to Florida.

The Panhandle isn’t like Miami or the Keys. It has a homely feel with tiny towns spread out over a wide area. We’re lucky enough to be on the Gulf with the blue water and white sand beaches. Although the winter chill can bite even here, I like it more than the hotter south.

The place we stay is quiet. The others camping there offer a variety of interesting people to talk to if we’re looking for conversation or the chance to ignore everyone and write. Great option.

Bill shoveling snow

We make a conscious decision every winter and figure out the cost of heating fuel to stay home against the cost of fuel to haul the camper south. With the price of diesel pushing upward, we wonder if we can afford the trip next year.

Anyway, I’m glad to be home at my desk and feeling better.

Visit me at my website: www.barbaraedwards.net

http://twitter.com/Barb_ed

http://amazon.com/author/barbaraedward
http://www.Facebook.com/BarbaraEdwards.Author

   

Filed under: writing Tagged: Barbara Edwards,, Snowbirds, winter

Words have meaning by Barbara Edwards

I’ve loved words since I was a child. I found that using the right word at the right place could change a dull sentence into a brilliant insight. It’s the magic that makes me a writer, a poet, a dispenser of stories.

Words are powerful. Words can heal or hurt. Words show truth or expose a lie.

I want to share with you my belief about words. I think it hard to say what I mean in this politically correct world. Someone is taking away my power to say what I mean. If I can’t say ‘that’ because ‘that’ might offend the hearer, than I am limited in expressing who I am. Doesn’t that hurt me more than them?

In the novel, 1984, by George Orwell, the government gradually eliminates words until people can no longer express anything. It scared the heck out of me but I said that could never happen in real life. The government couldn’t, wouldn’t remove words that let me argue with clarity. Then they did. Don’t say terrorist or illegal alien even if it’s true.

Then I was told not to tell ethnic jokes. Any ethnic jokes were taboo. By listening to those idiots, we lost a whole segment of colorful, descriptive, stereotypical, ‘funny’ words that enabled us to laugh at ourselves and our foolish beliefs. If I don’t like an ethnic joke, I can choose not to laugh. If I don’t like a sexual comment, I can tell the speaker to behave better. 

I want my choices back!

 I’ve read Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn and accepted the occasional ‘word’ as part of that culture. Not the one I grew up in, but a realistic portrayal of another time and place. Do I want it edited? No way should any book be rewritten to make it acceptable to the current norms.

 I don’t watch people who say things that offend me. I have the choice. Just like they have the choice not to read or listen to me. Their choice is what gives words power.

If I want to argue politics, I want to express my true beliefs, not some watered down, politically correct version of some wishy-washy, lukewarm, dull, soulless opinion.  

 Words are our heritage. No-one has the right to edit our ability to express our thoughts, beliefs or emotions. Keep alert. Words aren’t the only item in danger.

 “First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—

because I was not a communist;

Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—

because I was not a socialist;

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—

because I was not a trade unionist;

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—

because I was not a Jew;

Then they came for me—”

and there was no one left to speak out for me.

  Martin Niemoeller

 

 

 

Filed under: writing Tagged: Barbara Edwards,, choices, rights, words, writing

I have a contract by Barbara Edwards

I have a contract.

Whohoo! With a big smile I’m doing the naked chicken dance. All of you with an imagination, close your eyes.

This story is a side-trip for me. It’s for Christmas and it took me two years to get it ready for the publisher.

I have to add that the editors at the Wild Rose Press are so nice. I write full-length books but many friends publish shorter stories and claim that it keeps their names in front of the readers to do them often.

Well, I can tell you writing a short story is no easy chore. It’s a whole different skill set. And once I started, I hung on like a pit bull until I finished. The editor (s) yes more than one, liked the idea and asked for rewrites. Oops missed the deadline. So I tried again. More rewrites, only this time it was what they wanted.

The proposed title is “Journey of the Magi”, a sweetheart rosette. That’s another departure since I write paranormal romance and historical romance that is dark and sexy.

All this time I’m working on the third in my Rhodes End paranormal romance series. I finished the rough draft today so I am celebrating with this post. The working title is “Ancient Curse” with the return of a cursed villian.

Not that I’m finished since both need to go through editing, copy-editing, rewrites and all the work of a longer novel.

 

 

 Visit me at my website: www.barbaraedwards.net

http://twitter.com/Barb_ed

http://amazon.com/author/barbaraedward
http://www.Facebook.com/BarbaraEdwards.Author

.

Filed under: writing Tagged: Ancient Curse, Barbara Edwards,, contract, Journey of the Magi, The Wild Rose Press