Heather Marie Adkins's Blog, page 7

An Update, then back to work

I haven’t blogged lately.  Busy girl, here.

But I have some pretty exciting stuff going on right now, and within a few short months, it’s ALL GOING TO CHANGE.

A professional edit on The Temple has been FINISHED.  It is now passing through a copyedit with another editor, and will then receive a final proofread by a professional proofreader before I reformat and reupload.  I’ve got some things planned for it in September to boost some seriously flagging sales — Labor Day weekend, I’ll be participating in a big ebook sale, and The Temple will be available for 99 cents.  And then on September 20th, I have a slot booked for a feature at Ereader News Today, a website that drives beaucoup traffic to books.  I’m also currently working on the sequel to The Temple, entitled “The Trickster”, and I’m in the early planning stages of book three, “The Tarot”.

I’m still working on the gigantic edit of Abigail.  In the meantime, it has been unpublished from many of the platforms.  It will still undergo a final copyedit, and then possibly two passes by a proofreader before reuploading, hopefully by October, when I’ll be meeting my good friends and fellow authors Lizzy Ford and Julia Crane in Nashville to hawk our wares at the Southern Festival of Books.  I would really love for it to be ready in paperback by then.  We shall see.  I have the second and third books, “Logan” and “Angel”, on deck for after edits have been finished.  My fantabulous editor, Sarah Billington, has helped me to take Abigail to places she should have gone the first time, so the book–and series–has taken a turn to new horizons.  I’m excited to finish edits so I can move on to writing the next two.

My very first publication, a short story titled “Underneath” is undergoing an edit, as well.  Once I receive edits, and then have a final copyedit and proofread done, it will be re-released.  It is simply too damn good of a story to gather dust on my hard drive just because people like to leave reviews that say “This story is too short”.  That would be the definition of a SHORT STORY

I’m also looking into getting edits done on a number of other short stories.  I can knock off shorts pretty fast; much faster than a full book, anyway.  Because I work a full time job AND run a nearly full time formatting business, my writing just doesn’t get the attention it needs, so I haven’t released a book since my co-write, “Eternal Youth” in APRIL.  That’s unacceptable to me.  The more books–professionally edited and formatted–that I put out, the more chance I have of actually making a living on my books, and that is my ultimate dream.

So, the past two months have been an absolute whirlwind.  I forget to shower, much less feed myself or do anything more than grunt a hello at my future-husband when he walks in the door from work.  But it’s all worth it, because I’ve got big plans.

Big plans that don’t include the day job.  More on that later

What I’ve Learned About Publishing

This isn’t a post to chastise people who self-publish unedited, unprofessional books.  I was that person.  Last summer, the indie world opened up before me, and before I’d put much thought into it, I uploaded my books.  A few read-overs by me to check for typos, a couple reads by close friends and boyfriend, and I was good to go!  Right?

Negative.  I’ve learned a lot in the past year.

I’m not saying that these are lessons from someone who has found success.  I am not an authority on the subject.  But, I have lots of friends in the indie world, and we share all of our ups and downs, as well as the lessons we’ve learned.  And these four lessons are hugely important.

Lessons Learned # 1: I’ve learned the importance of beautiful covers: Taking a photo you like and slapping a title and a filter on it does not a book cover make.  My first “covers” (I use the term loosely) looked like vomit.  My first cover for The Temple was actually a photo of the Smithsonian National Gallery, flipped, made black-and-white, and the title added using Picasa.  For my old short story, Underneath, it was my favorite picture from a cave in Ireland.  That I took.  In the dark.

It was only around August of last year that the simple truth began to sink in–it is absolutely necessary for one’s cover to be professional in order to draw in readers.  Human beings are aesthetic–we love pretty, shiny things.  Take for example the two different covers shown of The Temple.  There is an obvious difference in quality.  One looks…hideous.  It doesn’t give you any indication of what kind of story hides behind the picture.  It maybe gives off a “spooky” look, but it’s so innocuous that it could be anything.  The other cover, on the other hand, is GORGEOUS.  Designed by my usual artist, Stephanie Mooney, this cover has a feeling to it immediately–she’s looking over her shoulder, so something is up.  She’s being watched?  Followed?  And there’s a temple in the background with some kind of magical, glowy light…what on earth could that mean?  Is it something ghostly?  Divine??  Not to mention the crisp lettering and perfect font.  It is exactly what a book cover should look like.

Many people don’t grasp this concept when they first join the indie revolution.  I shudder to see some of the sludge on Amazon today–and I shudder even more to know that MY books used to be part of that ever-present, unprofessional deluge.  It took me a couple months to instigate the change, but once I did, I realized I was better off to spend the money and hire a professional artist.  While Stephanie is my *usual* artist, I’ve also used Jack Wallen and Athanasios Galanis.

Lessons Learned #2: Interior formatting.  Readers WILL complain.  Any number of books on Amazon sport reviews stating something to the effect of “The formatting in this book is so bad that I couldn’t even read it.”  A friend of mine received a Kindle for Christmas, downloaded a free book, and promptly returned it.  “There were no indents!” she told me.  “How could I possibly read a book without paragraphs?”

Proper interior formatting is just as important as a pretty cover.  This isn’t as simple as just uploading a Word doc to Amazon — please, for pete’s sake, don’t upload a Word doc.  Ebooks are meant to function like web pages, i.e. in HTML.  Word processors, no matter how meticulously formatted, leave uber room for error.  If you have no basic knowledge of code, hire someone.  Just like covers, you want your book to be as professional as possible on the inside and the outside.  This isn’t a plug for my ebook formatting services — I’m damn good, but I’m also closed to new clients.  Do your homework and choose someone who formats in code and NOT in a word processor if you want your books to be as nice inside as the trads.

Lessons Learned #3: The blurb.  Oh, dear goddess, the blurb.  It’s like a monster in the closet–you know it’s gotta be there, but you want nothing to do with it. How on earth can you sum up your 150-thousand-word epic tome in two paragraphs?? You need to mention the Roaries who run Planet Dayme and are in battle with the Hellios on Planet Rors, and how one hundred years ago, they lived in peace but then Planet Norax exploded and it all went to hell…and then there’s that thing with King Mordel and his five beautiful daughters and the suitors from Planet Snark…

Not so much.  The reader doesn’t need to know a Complete History of ______.  All they need is a short, well-written implosion that makes the reader go, “Huh!”  Every word should be a soldier on the battlefield, drawing the person to read on by downloading the sample or even buying the book.  Key words: Make Every Word Count.

This means asking for feedback.  Tweaking and un-tweaking.  Removing sentences that your friends say don’t fit or aren’t necessary.  Consult people who have read it and people who haven’t.  The blurb is one of the ways you entice someone to take a chance on your books; don’t skimp.

And for F*@K’s sake people, if there is a typo in your blurb, you should be strung up by your toes.

Lessons Learned #4: THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON OF ALL.

Editing.

“But, my grammar is perfect!” you say.

No.  It’s not.

“I don’t need help.  I’m a great writer!  I’d never write in a plot hole!” you whine.

Nope. Not true.  In my first draft of The Temple, Vale took a shower, answered a phone call, and then turned right around to take a bath.  In Eternal Youth, Callie was in Guatemala, and I called it South America…and my brother was born in Guatemala!!  In Abigail, the protagonist is sold into slavery, and then immediately left alone to have a conversation with her brother…yet doesn’t try to run away?

EVERY AUTHOR NEEDS AN EDITOR.  Yes, your book is your baby, and you think it sparkles and glows like a vampire in teen fiction.  But the harsh truth is every book, whether written by a 14-year-old girl or by Stephen King, NEEDS AN EDITOR.

There are a couple different types of editing.  Let me begin this by saying EVERY BOOK NEEDS A SUBSTANTIAL EDIT. This is the edit that digs so deep into your book it makes you sweat. This is an edit that seems to know your own book better than you do.  This is the edit that will turn your work of art into an absolute masterpiece.  After you get a substantial, you should get a copy-edit.  This is the edit that cleans up your grammar and makes sure you don’t have sentences that make no them there sense.  Finish out with a proofreader or two for last minute typos.  Courtney Milan wrote a great post about her methods here.  Go. Read.

I learned editing the hard way.  The problem indies run into is that editing is soooo expensive.  An average novel is around 70-thousand words; that can put an author into paying nearly $1100 on JUST the substantial edit for that book.  Add another 250 for the copy edit, another 100 per proofread, and you end up with quite a tally.

Authors don’t generally have this kind of money.  We work full-time jobs that pay the bills paycheck-to-paycheck.  Where on earth are we going to get an extra two grand to edit our book??  So this is why you find so many books online that are poorly edited.

But, it’s a vicious cycle.  You can’t afford editing, you’re gonna end up with bad reviews.  You do shell out the money for editing, and you’re looking at a very long time before that book earns enough back to break even.  At the rate The Temple sells, the money I just dished out on editing won’t be earned back for between 3 to 5 years.  Long time, huh?

Editing is not a scary process.  You have to remove yourself from the edits and look at them from an outsider’s point of view.  Here is a picture from my Abigail edits (an insane work in progress; I received the edits from my editor in late May.  I’m STILL working my way through them.  But, I’m doubling my word count and digging deeper into the world…you just can’t beat that.)  That’s a whole lotta purple.  But that purple is making Abigail into the book I know it can be.  And when I’m done, it will go to my copy editor, then hit a couple proofreaders, before I format and reupload the brand new book.

I’ve just gotta survive the edits!

My editor is Sarah Billington.  She’s FABULOUS.  And while I’m only just now going through edits on my previous novels, all of my future novels will be edited by my team before they ever hit the interwebs.

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That’s all she wrote, folks.  Edits, blurbs, covers, and formatting.  The four MUSTs of professional publishing.  Sometimes, we just have to learn the hard way.  Then we rush to catch up.  I wish the knowledge and understanding I’ve gained in the past year had settled in just a little bit sooner.

A Note.

A friendly neighborhood reminder: This is my PERSONAL BLOG.  I will rant, bitch, moan, scream, and (edited for content because a friend made me) at the walls as often as I see fit and at decibels louder than the human ear can comprehend.  If you aren’t okay with it, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HERE.

For those few people who do care enough about me to drop by and be supportive, I adore you.

That is all.

Wishing, Waiting, and Looking for Faith

Having faith in anything is a bit like taking a plunge from a 40-story building and watching the ground become larger and larger, all the while believing those invisible wings on your back will start flapping any moment.

I’ve been faithless for a while.  I’m sure the affliction hits everyone once or twice in their lives, if not more often than that.  It’s easy to only see the bad when it seems to so outweigh the good.

I’m not saying my life isn’t full of amazing things.  A semi-supportive family, a wonderful husband-to-be, a dog who is my soulmate, published novels, steady paycheck…these are all things that I’m lucky to have.  Many people don’t have one, two, or any of these things to help them get through the day.

So, why do I focus on the bad so easily?  Sure, I’ve got six published books, but they aren’t selling.  I’m selling LESS this July than I did last July–and that’s not how the Bell curve is supposed to work for a published author.  I had three published books last July; I have double that now.  Ideally, I should at least be selling twice what I sold last year.  Alas, this is not to be.  There is no rhyme or reason as to why; I’m just not successful.

Sure, I’ve got a full-time job that pays the bills, but it’s slowly sucking the life from me because I want SO BAD to be a full-time writer instead.  Working third shift is killing me with each passing day.  I feel groggy and disoriented for most of my waking moments, because the human body isn’t meant to be awake at night and sleep during the day.  Don’t get me started on how freaking loud the neighbors are while I’m sleeping.

Sure, I have a steady paycheck and financial security NOW, but my past choices have ruined any chance I have of buying my dream home.  I’ve been denied by several banks outright, and the others have told me they can’t offer me pre-approval for this house I want.  I’m sick of hearing “There are other houses out there, it wasn’t meant to be, etc.”  This place FELT LIKE MINE.  There is an invisible string between my heart and that house, and it tugs at me every time I think of it.  There were many signs that the house was meant to be mine; yet because I’m a fucking idiot, I can’t have it.  I wish I hadn’t made so many bad decisions in my life.  I’d give anything to change the path that drove me to Nashville, where I debted my life away.  Losing the opportunity to own my dream home has been an even worse blow to my already faithless life.

I am schooled by friends and family to be patient.  Wait.  Have faith.  My books will take off, I will be a full-time writer. This is great advice on the surface, but I’ve already waited an entire year, so for a girl wishing her dreams would come true, waiting longer seems a lifetime.  It’s hard to believe dreams can come true when you just no longer believe in anything.

I hit my one year anniversary at the end of June.  Crazy that I published The Temple over a year ago.  I didn’t get to properly celebrate–too damn busy with formatting and trying to finish a book.  I added up all my numbers (and then managed to lose the piece of paper).  In the year I’ve been published, I averaged about 5 books a day for a total around 2000– the average is misleading though.  I sold the majority that over Jan-March.

So, yeah.  I’m a mess.  A mass of self-loathing and hatred, unsure even of who I am anymore.  As I sink deeper into this ridiculous funk, I’m turning more and more to writing.  I’m nearly done with a book — The House.  It’s going to my editor first week of August.

I don’t even have an eloquent ending for this post other than, woot, back to work.

Summer Splash Blog Hop

I’m doing a BLOG HOP!

I’ve been a member of Indie Writers Unite since before I started on the publishing journey.  It has been a great source of information for me, particularly in the first few months of the ride.  This summer, in the spirit of fun and fancy, I’m joining the Summer Splash Blog Hop, along with many MANY other IWU authors.

On every day of the blog hop – July 23 to July 31 – I’ll be giving away ONE EBOOK COPY of my debut novel, “The Temple”.  (More info to come on how to enter.)

For my GRAND PRIZE, I’ll be giving away a gift basket – A PRINT COPY of “The Temple” and a SPELL KIT! (More info on what will be IN the kit, and how to enter to come.  Haven’t done this before, still working out kinks.)

There are nearly 80 other authors participating, and the prizes include TWO Kindle Fires, Amazon Gift Cards, Autographed Books, Custom Jewelry, and lots more!

Stay tuned for an updated post!

Why Write? A Reflection

Because if I didn’t, I’d die.

Sound like an over-exaggeration?  Nah, it’s not, really.  A writer HAS to write, like a bird has to fly or a fish has to swim.  It’s as normal and comfortable and unconscious as breathing.

I’m introspective lately.  Against my wishes, my fiance went looking for houses, and he found our dream home.  We were in no way ready for this–he’s completely out of commission for a loan, which leaves it all on me.  With my bad credit history, I’m having to jump through hoops like a trained circus monkey to even get to a place where the bank can look at me and POSSIBLY give me pre-approval.

I’m also anxiously awaiting word from the higher ups at my place of employment.  I applied for a transfer to another position–one that would get me OFF third shift (which is slowly destroying my body).  It’s been several weeks since I applied.  I’m beginning to lose hope that I’ll get the position, and I can’t even begin to write how devastating that is to me.

I’ve been reading a book lately on this syndrome called “Adrenal Fatigue”.  It isn’t recognized by modern medicine, basically because they can’t make any money off it.  You can cure adrenal fatigue simply by stepping away from the stress in your life and taking herbal supplements to help your adrenal glands regulate.  I show nearly EVERY symptom, which is awesome because I was honest-to-goodness starting to think I was clinically depressed.

I have a lot of sources of stress in my life that have led up to this failing in my health, the main being my job.  Third shift is hard on the body.  You’re unable to handle things as easily as someone who lives on a normal daytime schedule.  Your adrenals don’t regulate the way they should, so stress basically just sticks around and depletes you when in a normal person, sleeping at night helps recharge you.  Yet, I need the paycheck! Especially if I want this house.  My formatting business was more than I could handle, which is why I’ve stopped taking new clients–my first step towards health.  But, if I can’t get out of third shift, I’m stuck.

I know it may be silly, but I feel like if I could just be lucky enough to be granted this new position at work AND be granted the opportunity to own this house–my ultimate dream home–then maybe my luck will change.  Maybe I’ll be healthy again, maybe I’ll be as productive at the things I care about, like writing.

In the midst of phone calls, letter writing, and googling for the house, I’m also drowning in my own projects that aren’t getting done.  Rewrites on The House–so close to being finished, yet so far away.  Edits on Abigail–not close to being finished at ALL, and the book is apparently bad enough to get several returns a month.  I should just unpublish it, but I feel like that’s just giving up.  Sigh. I’m also supposed to be co-writing a YA book with my friend Tara West, but I’m only squeezing in a few words here and there in between my insane life.  And of course, I’ve got a long list of future projects languishing because I have no time to do them–sequel to Abigail, sequel to Temple, next YA novel, etc. etc. etc.  When does life get easier?  I wish I was one of the lucky ones who could write full time.

At this point, I guess I would be happy if I could just be healthy again.

I actually did a formatting post on my CyberWitch site: Print vs. Digital – Understanding the Flow of Text That’s productive, right?

I just added a disclaimer to the sidebar that if you subscribe to my blog, you aren’t gonna get anything worthwhile, LOL.  This blog has always been my sounding board for rants or sharing stuff I like/dislike.  Like an online journal, really.  And I officially refuse to change my ways just because all the publishing gurus say you should be a blogger with true content to draw people.  If I ever have fans, they’ll probably care about ME not writing or crap.  SO, if you’re already a subscriber and you don’t care about personal stuff, you should unsubscribe.  Fair warning

Hard Decisions

The hard decisions are the toughest to make.

The hard decisions are generally the ones that will change the course of your life, for good, bad, or dirty. Well, DUR, I can hear you say from the comfort of your own home, as you bother to take a moment to read what is surely one of the harder posts I’ve had to write in some time.

I’ve made a lot of hard decisions this year.

To self-pub, which at its basest was a GREAT decision, but in terms of success has been, shall we say…subpar than my expectations.
To start my own business, which HAS been a success, but has pretty much destroyed the girl I used to be (more on that in a minute).
To get married — probably another of the hardest but BEST decisions in my life, though my inability to plan the damn party is a downfall.  I once swore I would never settle down or get married.  We’re one up, there.

So, what other “hard” decisions could I possibly need to make?  Glad you asked.  This blog used to be a journal, a place where I ranted, raved, and did a general “here’s who I am, deal with it” type gig.  Because I’m published now, does that mean I have to change that?  Nah.

My life is screwed up.

I work full time.  I run a nearly-full time formatting business.  I also do some editing, which is even more time consuming than the formatting.  When do I see my family?  Never.  When do I write?  Never.  When do I have a free moment to sit in front of the TV and stare mindlessly at bad sitcoms?  Never.

You think surely I must be joking.  Surely, it can’t be THAT bad.

Oh, yeah?  Bet me.

I get off work at 7 in the morning, and I come straight home.  I brush my teeth, think about brushing my hair (usually don’t), and then crawl into bed for the next eight hours.  (Or six.  Or seven.  Some days less than others.)  When I wake up around 3 or 4 pm, I roll out of bed, go straight to my backpack and pull out the laptop.  Fire it up.  Make some coffee.   Or, some days Andrew and I will go straight to dinner, where I chug a few mugs of coffee before I come back and pull out the computer.  Regardless, I am on the computer from that moment until I have to get ready for work at about 945 that night, all the while formatting or editing.  Dressed for work, I head out the door and work for eight hours in front of six computer screens, and return home the next morning to do it all over again.

My job requires me to work a rotation.  I don’t work 5 days a week and get 2 days off.  I work EIGHT days.  I am then off TWO.  I then work SEVEN days, before I get off for FOUR.  But, here’s the rub — I don’t actually get those days “off”.  I am either A.) Visiting my family who hasn’t seen me in over a week.  Maybe two.  Or three.  B.) Running errands that have built up while I’ve been working.  or C.) Formatting or editing.

You still think I’m exaggerating?  Just ask my poor fiance, who lives with me but rarely gets to see the blue of my eyes.

I’ve gotten…jaded.  My life has suffered because of all this.  Everything *I* want has been put on the back burner for everyone else around me because I’m too busy to be able to even balance my responsibilities with my own dreams.  I’m unhappy, depressed enough to be taking herbal supplements for mood, and walking a tight wire when it comes to my temper.  I don’t want to hear about other people’s problems because I’m full of my own.

Does that make me a bad person?  Alright.  Fine.

But, here’s the moral to my story.

NO MORE.

When I set out on this path last spring, I was actively seeking to make my dreams come true.  I thought, “I can do this.  I WILL do this.” I’ve lost that bright-eyed girl.  That girl who thirsted for life, who ached to write every moment, and who truly believed she could do anything.  That girl is now hopeless.  She hates herself.  She hates this person she’s become, this person who never sees her loved ones because of her work load, who hasn’t written a book in AGES, who can’t put forth the time to market her own books, to finish building her beautiful website, to incorporate edits in one of her existing books that she paid for a month ago and has NO TIME to do.

CyberWitch Press is CLOSED to new clients.  Indefinitely.  I will continue to work for old clients (I

But, from here on out, this is the Heather show.  Formatting – for the time being – has to take a backseat to my writing, and that means nipping the growth in the bud.  I have a TON of loyal, amazing clients who I love working for — I honestly don’t need anymore right now or my quote time would go up to two months!  I didn’t create CyberWitch Press, LLC to cover simply formatting jobs for others; CyberWitch is everything that makes me ME, including formatting, editing, and YES, WRITING.  It is always, will always be, first and foremost writing books.  I can no longer pretend otherwise.

Does this mean less instant gratification?  Well, sure.  Formatting for the past eight months has saved me up a down payment on a new house.  It’s made me some pretty rockin’ friends and connections.  And, I truly do enjoy it — I love pulling together the pieces of a book and seeing it come to life.  I love the fancy things I can do in books to make them beautiful.  I AM SUPREMELY TALENTED AT FORMATTING.  I’m not going to be modest about it.

But, my own books aren’t even equipped with many of the things I can do, simply because I haven’t had time to bother with my own books.

For a while, I thought formatting was what I wanted to do.  I thought I could build up an amazing clientele and leave the day job to format full time, opening more time to write.   The sad truth of the matter is this — I want a new house for me and my fiance, our dream house where we will spend the rest of our lives.  That requires a full time job and a steady paycheck (cuz come on, freelancing is in no way steady).  So, day job remains.

What does that leave me?  A hard decision.  Writing, or continuing to build a formatting business that has already imploded all of my free time?  A friend of mine is a cover artist.  But she’s the first to tell you her own books come first.  I always admired her honesty.

SO, here’s my honesty.  My own books officially come first.  I will continue to work for my regular clients, but half of my time is devoted to writing.  2012 I said would be MY YEAR.  Well, it hasn’t been.  Heather has been buried so deeply beneath her responsibilities that she’s no longer than girl she used to be.

I’m getting that girl back.  And that girl is always, first and foremost, a writer.

I’ve wanted to make changes to my life for some time.  I’ve talked about it.  Considered it.  Ignored it, forgotten it.

Cue changes.

Indie Author Blog Hop!

Indie Author Hop

June 13th to 19th

Hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer & Krazy Book Lady

It’s been EONS since I joined in a blog hop.  I’ve been so out of touch with the blogging world!  How could I not join in on this one, being an indie author?

A blog hop to celebrate ALL THINGS INDIE!!  Visit the linky code at the bottom of this post to find over 200 other blogs giving away books for nothing more than a Like or a Follow!

I’m giving away three ebook copies of my debut novel, The Temple.

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Vale Avari has a mysterious past and a laundry list of super-powers, but that’s nothing compared to what she finds upon moving from small town U.S.A to jolly-good England.

A chance dart throw lands her in Quicksilver, an off-the-map place with a big problem – people are dying, and word is, it’s supernatural.

At her new place of employment, a temple dedicated to the ancient Mother Goddess, Vale learns something even more shocking – women guards are disappearing at an alarmingly patterned rate; women who possess special gifts like her own.

Supernatural powers aside, Vale isn’t ready to believe in the Wild Hunt as the culprit, and she’s determined to prove the deaths are acts of human violence.

Plagued by a brute with a history of domestic violence and lusting after a dark-eyed man with a secret, Vale has a limited amount of time to discover the killer before he strikes again. In the process, she’ll learn things aren’t always what they seem and the supernatural might not be so extraordinary after all.

The Hunt could ride for her.

Praise for “The Temple”:

“The author’s imagination and ability to write wonderful descriptions combine to produce a story that, while there is romance, there is also adventure, a dose of fantasy and a splash of humor.”

“I was very surprised by the twists I didn’t see coming. Great book, and I look forward to reading more from this author.”

“This is by far the most engaging, and most original, story I’ve read in quite some time.

THE TEMPLE brings metaphysical mythical into the realm of totally plausible, and does so with romance, intrigue, and exceptional good taste.”

Read an Excerpt here!

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Growing Up…Slowly (Indie Chicks Crosspost)

I’m trying to get caught up on oodles of responsibilities, but it seems like a never-ending battle.  In the crossfire, this poor blog drops to the wayside.  Two years ago, I posted every day.  Now, I’m lucky to remember to post once a week.  It’s funny how quickly life changes.

This post was originally published last month on the Indie Chicks Cafe website.  It can be a space holder here while I gather together some blog posts and get my shit together.

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I’m a believer in wisdom as you age.  The crone years don’t frighten me as they do most women–I find a regal beauty in age lines and gray hair.  I guess that comes from being a feminist who celebrates all ages of a woman’s life.  The crone years bring wisdom and peace–two things that feel very far from who I am.

I just turned 27 years old on April 17th.  Sometimes, I feel very young.  I make a lot of mistakes, and I feel very stupid.  My fiancé and I live like college kids — we run completely out of toilet paper and end up using paper towels (if we’re lucky enough to have them) for a week before finally hitting the grocery store.  We’re so lazy we barely ever cook at home; it’s easier to just let someone with a notepad and pen take our order and feed us.  Even though we own a home, we pay our bills, and I’m running my own freelance business, I sometimes feel completely irresponsible and inadequate.

During my teen years, my mom always pushed for me to be better: better grades, better at extracurriculars, better at everything.  Fast-forward a few years, and in my early twenties, I wasn’t good enough at finances, I wasn’t good enough at responsibility. Don’t get me wrong–I love my mom.  I am in so many ways my mother’s daughter.  But, I think maybe I’ve gotten a bit of a complex because I constantly never felt good enough to live up to her expectations.  Even now, almost thirty years old, and my mother can melt me into a puddle of 13-year-old with her eyes alone.

If I stop to take stock of what I have accomplished in my short life, I am honestly a little impressed:

A month ALONE in Ireland
An associate’s degree
6 published books
My own LLC, CyberWitch Press
Big girl job as a police dispatcher

No matter what, however, I look at that list and just see it as “not enough.”  Why? Why can’t I picture myself as successfully responsible and grown?

I feel so inexperienced at this crazy thing called “being a grown up.”  I usually just attribute such feelings of inadequacy to my age. What life lessons do I bring to the table?  What wisdom could I possibly impart to someone?

When do you start to feel like an adult?  Do you ever?

An endless list of questions.  That’s what life is.  Maybe one day, I’ll find answers.

A Taste Test Blog Tour – Day Five with Melissa Pearl

A group of YA authors came together to give you a “taste test” of our upcoming books.  My tentative fall release, “Wiccan Wars”, is featured in the collection!  This is our blog tour…

Each author will be featured on all six blogs on a particular day with different guest posts and interviews – all of them are short, sweet and a ton of fun to read.

Not only that, but if you visit THIS LINK you can sign up to win lots of free books and stuff!

If you want to check out our FREE book with the first few chapters of each of our upcoming novels, you can download it for your Kindle or epub reader at SMASHWORDS.

Today is Melissa Pearl!

 

Melissa’s Bio: Melissa is the author of the Time Spirit Trilogy, which was published at the end of 2011. She is a fully trained elementary teacher, but is lucky enough to stay home and watch her kids grow. She is also spending every spare moment trying to turn writng into a full time career – and loving the process.

Find her at HER BLOG.

 

Favourite Character You’ve Ever Written and Why

Wow – tough question. I love so many of my characters.

To date, I think my favourite character is Gabe Hunter from the Time Spirit Trilogy. He is such an awesome father figure. He rides a Harley, wears ripped jeans, has this slow smile and this throaty chuckle that I love. He is the perfect person to help Gemma with every nightmare she encounters with her parents. I fell in love with him as I wrote him – not in a romantic way, but in that way where if you could actually meet them face-to-face, it would be the best thing in the world.

Maybe I liked him so much, because he’s a little like my own dad, who is one of the best people I know.