Dunrie Greiling's Blog, page 9

Standing desk, heat, and exercise help relieve stiffness and pain in my lower back

I've been suffering from some lower back stiffness and pain, and after many experiments, I have found that changing my work ergonomics, heat, and a set of exercises have helped.

Well, this sometimes painful, usually stiff lower back thing has been bothering me the last two summers and the fall, winter, and spring in between. It would come on especially after exertion (cycling, weeding, planting, lifting) to the point where I started doing less and less just to avoid twinging it. I fear sneezing, because it can to cause a mirrored spasm in my lower back. Boo.

What didn't work
Waiting for it to go away

It sounds silly to say now, but waiting until the "edge came off" didn't work. Cycling did seem to exacerbate it, I'd be doubled over in pain about 24-36 hours after a ride, so I hung my bike up in the garage and haven't ridden it in over a year. But, I shunned other exercise (personal training, going to the Y) because it wasn't helping me get better either.

I kept hoping I would finally eliminate the "thing" that was causing the stiffness/soreness. I kept waiting for the twingey pain to stop. But it didn't. So my ultimate discovery was rest did not solve the problem. Now I need to rebuild without hurting my back.

Palliative care

I resist taking too much ibuprofen, figuring I'd rather treat the cause than the symptom. I also feared increasing the injury by feeling better than I actually was.

I also worked with my massage therapist on it. But, while she unknotted me, it didn't change the situation fundamentally.

I worked with a chiropractor, which did seem to help a little, and I was able to extend the time between sessions before I felt locked up again. Yet, whatever it is/was remained. Going to see someone once a month didn't change the situation.

What did work

I decided after 16 or 18 months of chronic pain I had to make a drastic change.

Changing my work ergonomics

I moved to a stand-up desk at work.  And I heard my uncle and my mother discussing how they'd both used a stand-up desk at their place of work for decades. I realized I have a very similar body to theirs, so I should pay attention to how they care for their backs! My work was happy to let me experiment with the furniture, and we rigged up a standing desk that works well for me. I switched to it full time after Labor Day.

I felt good in the position and it was an easier adjustment than I expected, tho I'm someone who spends a fair bit of her day in conference rooms so do get lots of sitting/movement breaks. My back seemed a little more loose after the transition, like it was recovering.

Heat

I was feeling tight and uncomfortable at my mom's house after a recent bout of enthusiastic gardening knocked me over. She slipped me a ThermaCare heat wrap, and honestly, I'm completely in love with them now (no I have no relationship with them other than as a consumer). Eight or so hours of mild heat really seemed to sink in and relax my back. A hot water bottle was kind of awkward, a microwaved pack was first too hot and then quickly too cold. The ThermaCare wrap was specifically for the lower back, held itself in the right place with a waistband,  and hid mostly under clothes (not bulky).

Specific strengthening and lengthening exercises

I did try stretches throughout the experience and of course I continued my yoga classes. But my yoga class only seemed to make me aware of where I was stiff and limited. I didn't break through it.

As for stretches to reduce the pain, when it was in spasm, I couldn't find anything to release it. And when I wasn't in pain, it was hard to tell whether any routine mattered.  And some of the stretching routines I tried were long and annoying and I wasn't sure they made a difference. So, I never got very serious about them.

Yoga: Anytime, Anywhere

I had Carol Blackman and Elise Browning Miller's book Yoga: Anytime, Anywhere for a couple of years before I engaged with it seriously. I've benefitted from Elise's workshops and her yoga for scoliosis DVD. And I took it up north with me this summer and dug into her chapter on "Strengthening and Lengthening Your Lower Back". These simple exercises helped me wash the creakiness out and give me a better range of motion and fewer twinges of pain.  Better yet, their benefit persisted long enough to make me want to commit to a routine.

Yet, I still resist the routine of doing it. I currently do them in the evenings, but I expect that soon I'll end up moving them into my morning routine, since I seem to accept routine more in the mornings! To ease my annoyance with looking up what to do next in the book all the time, I recently recorded my voice on to my phone narrating the instructions for the sequence.

Next Steps

Now that I think about the timespan, I suspect that my back twinginess is more caused by inactivity than solved by it. I just realized I have been living in our new home for a little over two years, and I know my activity has decreased since moving from a neighborhood where I walked everywhere to one where a car is required. It's hard to get motivated for exercise when you fear worsening a chronic condition, yet that must be a way out, especially now I am armed with a set of exercises that take the edge off.

So, with cautious optimism I am committing to the strengthening routine and will add back in more vigorous exercise as I heal my back.

Published elsewhere – ESA Bulletin

I wrote an obituary for Beverly Rathcke that was published in the Bulletin of the Ecological Society of America.

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This introvert’s confession, my evolved tactics for self-care, and a resource

I’m reading Laurie Helgoe’s Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength (Amazon affiliate link) and it is making me think and remember.

I’m definitely an introvert, recharged in time alone or with close friends and not necessarily a great conversationalist, especially not with new folks. And I usually saw this as a fault, something shameful. It went beyond a reticence to speak, there was a blankness on social settings that I fought against but could not overcome.

The Backstory – my Introvert confession

As a child, when I was lost in thought and a well-meaning relative offered a penny for my thoughts, the interruption rubbed out my thoughts and I had nothing to share.

When I was young, especially in my teenage years, but really into my 30s, I was essentially struck dumb in bigger social groups and with new people. Something about a large group interaction just left me speechless. I knew that I needed to show up to participate, but honestly, the harder I tried, the blanker my brain.

Being noticed as silent in a group was painful, because of course at the moment someone pointed out how quiet I was, everyone would look at me and I’d have to respond about my quietness, participate in some way, and the attention erased my brain even more than it already was and I’d be dumb and embarrassed, shocked and stressed, and just want to run.

In college, wanted to go to parties, to meet people, have fun, and fit in. I’d hear nearby parties from my dorm room and fret, fearing I was missing out, but when I got there, I was inept and uncomfortable. I kept on trying, thinking I’d get better or less uncomfortable. I am sure I radiated discomfort and unease and was not someone anyone would want to seek out. I never met anyone I became close to in that setting. Instead, I became close to people I met through activities and got to know over a longer contact (such as the hiking camping group at college, or in classes).

I struggled with this same blank quietness in my undergraduate classes. Thinking back to my Political Theory course, I knew participation in the discussion sections was a contributor to my grades. So, I followed the discussion raptly, looking for a place to contribute, but again…blank brain, no thoughts. Which is odd, because I’m a thoughtful person.

In college, I was outright jealous of those who could prattle on/debate/discuss. I’ve always been amazed by people who can just talk. I have several of them in my family, and honestly, I really have no idea where the river of speech emerges. I can write forever, and I like quiet more.

What was wrong with me? Stage fright, I thought, or maybe I’m just not cut out for social sciences. I ended up majoring in Biology (no discussion sections, we had labs instead) and dabbled a lot in English (where I could write my way out of my poor discussion section participation).

I was uncomfortable and I made others uncomfortable with my spooky silence. I called it shyness, and I thought I had to fix my self-esteem or otherwise change to get over it.

Things I tried that covered, but didn’t fix

Long ago, I decided that the way for me to be a better conversationalist was to cultivate “active listening” where you ask open ended questions, reflect back the other person’s thoughts. I decided the way to be in conversation was to listen. It got me by socially for a while. So I recognized myself in Helgoe’s description of “accessible introvert”. Someone who fakes being a little more open than she actually is. And, Helgoe remarks that this is just playing along, not really participating. Oops. Revealed!

Things that helped

I don’t know what I’d say to my youthful self, except that bullying myself to be more social is a mean choice with a poor chance of success. Instead, I would encourage my youthful self to be gentler and not to fight my nature so hard. Maybe I’d send this book back in time to myself and give myself permission to just be.

I’d tell my college self that I’m not broken. It’s OK not to like parties. Dragging myself to all of those parties and being miserable was no way to attract friends or romance. Instead of judging my lack of animation at these events as a failure, I could reframe it as a lack of fit. I would reassure myself that I would find true love and make wonderful friends in other ways.

Really, a big part of coming out of my shell was love and acceptance from people I valued. I recall in the early days of my relationship with my now husband, when it came time to discuss something important, I’d simply lose my words. I would have such an intensity and need to speak, and I’d be blocked and dithering. And he had the wisdom or motivation to just wait me out, and eventually, with time, I’d speak my truth.

I’m pretty porous, and I absorb whatever’s around me and let it distract from my inner voice. A regular meditation practice helped me inhabit my own body and not wish I was different or elsewhere.

Of course, reading and writing. I found when I was writing the Internet Marketing book, I would start the writing process kind of stressed out from the effort it took to carve out the time from my day to day activities, and yet emerge from a day or two of writing refreshed and restored, happier to return to the work I’d left to write and better at my job. And of course my journal and this blog help me think.

Allow myself to restore rather than expend energy. This comes in many forms, giving myself breaks and engaging in activities that energize me. Mostly I gain energy from something that looks like nothing - just being alone, taking a breather.

Allow myself time to warm up. I know I take longer than some to get started socially. When I have to be present and lead a group, I give myself the time I’ll need to prepare and be confident and ready.

Some of what Helgoe recommends I was happy to see I’d happened upon quite naturally. There were a few ideas, like ‘fessing up and being open about not wanting to engage sometimes, that I’ll try to implement.

Where things are now

Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

I’ve come a long way, and I can be outgoing at work (with familiar colleagues and clients) relatively naturally. But, my introversion manifests as some social aversion or awkwardness in little ways.

This book argues against judging these behaviors, and encourages the reader to find ways to recharge and participate on favorable terms – finding retreats during the week and during the workday, setting up personal space at home, asking for the space I crave in conversations – and the affirmation that it’s worth it to allow myself to really show up and participate.

 

This introvert's confession, my evolved tactics for self-care, and a resource

I'm reading Laurie Helgoe's Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength and it is making me think and remember.

I'm definitely an introvert, recharged in time alone or with close friends and not necessarily a great conversationalist, especially not with new folks. And I usually saw this as a fault, something shameful. It went beyond a reticence to speak, there was a blankness on social settings that I fought against but could not overcome.

The Backstory – my Introvert confession

As a child, when I was lost in thought and a well-meaning relative offered a penny for my thoughts, the interruption rubbed out my thoughts and I had nothing to share.

When I was young, especially in my teenage years, but really into my 30s, I was essentially struck dumb in bigger social groups and with new people. Something about a large group interaction just left me speechless. I knew that I needed to show up to participate, but honestly, the harder I tried, the blanker my brain.

Being noticed as silent in a group was painful, because of course at the moment someone pointed out how quiet I was, everyone would look at me and I'd have to respond about my quietness, participate in some way, and the attention erased my brain even more than it already was and I'd be dumb and embarrassed, shocked and stressed, and just want to run.

In college, wanted to go to parties, to meet people, have fun, and fit in. I'd hear nearby parties from my dorm room and fret, fearing I was missing out, but when I got there, I was inept and uncomfortable. I kept on trying, thinking I'd get better or less uncomfortable. I am sure I radiated discomfort and unease and was not someone anyone would want to seek out. I never met anyone I became close to in that setting. Instead, I became close to people I met through activities and got to know over a longer contact (such as the hiking camping group at college, or in classes).

I struggled with this same blank quietness in my undergraduate classes. Thinking back to my Political Theory course, I knew participation in the discussion sections was a contributor to my grades. So, I followed the discussion raptly, looking for a place to contribute, but again…blank brain, no thoughts. Which is odd, because I'm a thoughtful person.

In college, I was outright jealous of those who could prattle on/debate/discuss. I've always been amazed by people who can just talk. I have several of them in my family, and honestly, I really have no idea where the river of speech emerges. I can write forever, and I like quiet more.

What was wrong with me? Stage fright, I thought, or maybe I'm just not cut out for social sciences. I ended up majoring in Biology (no discussion sections, we had labs instead) and dabbled a lot in English (where I could write my way out of my poor discussion section participation).

I was uncomfortable and I made others uncomfortable with my spooky silence. I called it shyness, and I thought I had to fix my self-esteem or otherwise change to get over it.

Things I tried that covered, but didn't fix

Long ago, I decided that the way for me to be a better conversationalist was to cultivate "active listening" where you ask open ended questions, reflect back the other person's thoughts. I decided the way to be in conversation was to listen. It got me by socially for a while. So I recognized myself in Helgoe's description of "accessible introvert". Someone who fakes being a little more open than she actually is. And, Helgoe remarks that this is just playing along, not really participating. Oops. Revealed!

Things that helped

I don't know what I'd say to my youthful self, except that bullying myself to be more social is a mean choice with a poor chance of success. Instead, I would encourage my youthful self to be gentler and not to fight my nature so hard. Maybe I'd send this book back in time to myself and give myself permission to just be.

I'd tell my college self that I'm not broken. It's OK not to like parties. Dragging myself to all of those parties and being miserable was no way to attract friends or romance. Instead of judging my lack of animation at these events as a failure, I could reframe it as a lack of fit. I would reassure myself that I would find true love and make wonderful friends in other ways.

Really, a big part of coming out of my shell was love and acceptance from people I valued. I recall in the early days of my relationship with my now husband, when it came time to discuss something important, I'd simply lose my words. I would have such an intensity and need to speak, and I'd be blocked and dithering. And he had the wisdom or motivation to just wait me out, and eventually, with time, I'd speak my truth.

I'm pretty porous, and I absorb whatever's around me and let it distract from my inner voice. A regular meditation practice helped me inhabit my own body and not wish I was different or elsewhere.

Of course, reading and writing. I found when I was writing the Internet Marketing book, I would start the writing process kind of stressed out from the effort it took to carve out the time from my day to day activities, and yet emerge from a day or two of writing refreshed and restored, happier to return to the work I'd left to write and better at my job. And of course my journal and this blog help me think.

Allow myself to restore rather than expend energy. This comes in many forms, giving myself breaks and engaging in activities that energize me. Mostly I gain energy from something that looks like nothing - just being alone, taking a breather.

Allow myself time to warm up. I know I take longer than some to get started socially. When I have to be present and lead a group, I give myself the time I'll need to prepare and be confident and ready.

Some of what Helgoe recommends I was happy to see I'd happened upon quite naturally. There were a few ideas, like 'fessing up and being open about not wanting to engage sometimes, that I'll try to employ and see if I can add them to my toolset.

Where things are now

Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

I've come a long way, and I can be outgoing at work (with familiar colleagues and clients) relatively naturally. But, my introversion manifests as some social aversion or awkwardness in little ways.

This book argues against judging these behaviors, and encourages the reader to find ways to recharge and participate on favorable terms – finding retreats during the week and during the workday, setting up personal space at home, asking for the space I crave in conversations – and the affirmation that it's worth it to allow myself to really show up and participate.

 

Internet Marketing Start to Finish, the book!

Last fall and winter, several of us at Pure Visibility embarked on a book-writing project. We wrote a book proposal, including an outline, a justification for why our book was different from what was available, and including a sample chapter. And our proposal was accepted! With amazing help and gentle encouragement from our editor at Pearson/Prentice-Hall, we worked through early, rough chapters to later versions of these chapters, to obtaining permissions from clients and media outlets to use illustrations, to final copyediting and tweaking.

And now, the book is going to be in my hands…anyday now. And I could not be more excited.

I'll write more later about the book, what's in it. Right now I just want to celebrate a little with this announcement.

For Instructors http://instructors.coursesmart.com/9780132676458
For regular folk – book version and ebook version available http://www.informit.com/store/product.aspx?isbn=0789747898
There's also a Kindle edition.

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Internet Marketing Start to Finish: Drive Measurable, Repeatable Online Sales with Search Marketing, Usability, CRM, and Analytics

Ashes to new roots, and a blessing

Spring has arrived in Michigan, and this is a good thing.

It has been a rough winter, personally. January was particularly grim. I lost my dear friend and mentor Beverly Rathcke, we lost our long time cat companion Floyd. So it was good to start digging in the garden, always lifts my spirits and grounds me in the present.

We participated in the Global ReLeaf of Michigan tree sale/fundraiser by getting a few bare root trees and shrubs. I got them last weekend and we put them into the ground that very morning. And we sprinkled a little of Floyd's ashes under each one and urged him to help them grow!

That was last week, and that felt good.

Well today it turned from lovely to perfect. At her death, my friend Beverly had given some statues to me. And today we retrieved her garden Kuan Yin from her back yard and brought it to our garden. Now Kuan Yin sits overlooking the springwater pond that Dave and his dad retouched last spring. The garden is graced by love now with the ashes of a beloved pet and a gift from a beloved friend in the form of the Bodhisattva Kuan Yin.

A blessing.

Kuan Yin, pondside

Social Nation and Social Quotient

Social Nation

I love books and am a complete sucker for tests that allow me to measure myself and gain insights into how I might be more effective and happier at work. I've taken the Strengthsfinder, Myers-Briggs, DISC, and more. I received an advance copy of Barry Libert's Social Nation: How to Harness the power of Social Media to attract customers, motivate employees, and grow your business. It seems to encapsulate a fair bit of good thinking/common sense on social media. From my perspective, what makes it interesting is its summary combined with "custom" feedback in the form of its online test.

The Book

Libert starts the book by outlining how the spectrum of necessary skills for business is extending beyond the physical and intellectual into the emotional and social. His argument is mastery of the entire spectrum is becoming necessary, and his book is designed as a primer on entry into social community building.

So, after I received my custom evaluation (see below), I went on to review the 7 principles for building my social nation and 10 pitfalls to avoid.

Both of these are summarized and available from the Social Nation Book website resources section, so I won't reiterate them fully here. I very much appreciated Principle 3: Mind your Online and Offline Manners, which include behavior guides such as "pretend you're offline" when thinking of what to share. No one wants to hear me droning on and on about my cat in person, so I probably shouldn't do it on my facebook page or twitter stream. And, I should refrain from saying something curt or even nasty in email or on a message board just the way I would if that person was sitting across from my at a conference room or dinner table. Good rules to follow.

My Social Quotient

According to the social quotient on SocialNationBook.com, my three top strengths are: transparent, adaptor, and collaborative. I mostly agree. The full descriptions of each of these strengths are available at the end of the test and in the meat of the book. They are well named, so I won't repeat those definitions here.

I tend to think I'm quite transparent, and I feel like my emotional nature plays immediately across my face, but I am also a quiet person, so sometimes people have a hard time getting to know me. And, I can be socially awkward (shy…) and so retreat to silence when I get overwhelmed instead of opening up. I don't really have many fears about social sharing websites, though that sentiment is not always shared within my household, so I've had to become more thoughtful about what I personally share to respect that I'm not a solo actor.

The adaptor description from the test seems to fit with my Arranger Strengthsfinder theme, someone who enjoys being flexible and responsive to dynamic situations. I'm a project manager at work, and enjoy making plans, and then really enjoy changing them to fit new information. And, I see things from multiple angles simultaneously, empathizing with different people and looking for the best win-win-win outcome. I can vacillate when that way is not clear. For a project manager in particular, I have an uncharacteristic easy-going personality and outlook.

And, I completely agree I'm a collaborator. I found being a solo ecology researcher (my PhD training) to be draining and hard. I very much prefer working in a team and taking advantage of diverse skills and perspectives. And, I sometimes make the mistake of discounting my own wisdom or intuition in favor of the perspective of people around me.

Does the fact I liked the online test best mean I prefer the parts that are ABOUT me? .

Rest in Peace Beverly Rathcke, Thank You!

My friend and mentor Beverly Rathcke passed away on Thursday, January 6, 2011. She died comfortably at home in Ann Arbor after a short illness.

Beverly was my faculty advisor for my PhD dissertation in ecology, and in that role she helped me think critically and write clearly. Yet, she fostered more than my scientific interests, she recognized and encouraged the creative artist in me, pushing me to explore my interest in and talent for photography. We attended music and dance concerts together. And, she catalyzed the transformation of my perspective and thereby my life by introducing me to my meditation practice, Siddha Yoga Meditation.

Her beautiful Old West Side Ann Arbor bungalow served as a gathering place. She brought out the gourmet chef in all of us, as we competed to offer potluck contributions that could stand beside hers on the dining room table. She invited others to cook, drink, dine and dance in her home, and was always grateful when someone wanted to clean up the piles of pots and dishes created during a collaborative cooking event.

New Year's Eve, December 2006. We made paella in Beverly's kitchen. Yum!
From left, Dave, Victoria, and Beverly (foreground).

She lived a full and enthusiastic life and had, in my opinion, a good death, on her own terms, surrounded by devoted friends. I was honored to be with her and her friends in the days preceding her death as she slipped from consciousness. During the last few days I have met friends of hers new to me, and I have been impressed by her good taste. May I be as fortunate in my friends and in my passing. I feel so grateful to have known her.

Beverly Rathcke (center, in blue), surrounded by her University of Michigan graduate students from the 1990s and their families.
Taken at her retirement party summer, 2010.

Travel off-season, a fall trip to Greece, part I

I flew to Athens earlier this month, to meet a college friend who was on a business trip. She was speaking at a medical conference, and I came only for the sightseeing and the food. Her trip was a couple of days, constrained by work obligations on either side. I took the whole week, figuring if I was going to travel that far, I should make time to explore.

It wasn't high season for tourism, yet everyone told us we had exceptional weather. So I think we lucked out – not too many crowds (though we heard many many languages other than Greek) yet shirtsleeve weather.

I spent most of the week in the Athens area, walking in the pedestrian areas near the Acropolis, visiting some of the more minor museums, saving the top of the Acropolis and the National Archaeological Museum for when my friend arrived later in the week.

My college friend Heather at the Parthenon. We did go first thing in the morning, and there were no crowds!

The people I met in restaurants, stores, and on the street all had more than enough English to make my trip easy, and many positively beamed when I offered up the most basic conversational niceties in Greek, such as hello/goodbye (Yassas), good morning (Kalimera), or good evening (Kalispera).

And the welcome was almost infallibly gracious. For instance I saw a beautifully coiffed, expensively clothed businesswoman in Constitution Square stopped at the pedestrian streetlight help a pair of Asian tourists struggling with a map. She looked like she could have been going to the Parliament building across Syntagma Square to serve in some important government office, and there she was, helping a couple of disoriented tourists locate where they were on their map.

I experienced such a warm playful conversational spirit there – many of the really touristy street restaurants have barkers out front to engage passers by and invite them in, but honestly they seemed happy enough for a little repartee ("maybe later" was enough to disengage without rudeness on either side, and once "why not?" when parried with "I just ate!" made me and the barker laugh), so it wasn't annoying but kind of fun.

I was humbled to hear all of the conversations in English by non-English speakers, German, Scandinavian, French tourists speaking in English to the Greeks in the restaurants and hotels, and the Greek staff responding in English.

Given that tourism is Greece's #2 economic driver, after shipping, I expect that the spirit of welcome may be there year-round. Perhaps since I went in the off-season, I received more, as it was undiluted across a throng of other tourists.

I had a wonderful time and was in tears in the airport. I told the gate agent that I didn't want to leave, and she looked at me sweetly and said I could always come back.

Comfort in shared experience, even of grief

I am grateful for Great Writers. They connect us to each other, connect us to ourselves, through voicing what is glimmering on the edges of our consciousness. By expressing these things, they bring them into focus and validate them.

Grave, taken in Ellmau, Austria

My father has been gone for over a decade now. When I was a child, he "left" me once before when my parents divorced, so his death was a second loss of him. After that first loss, his commitment to me was clear. And somehow that experience of commitment continued after his death.

At the time of his death, I felt that the handful of people that would lay down in traffic for me had decreased, never to be replaced.

Although I do not feel his presence now in a specific way – we don't hold conversations, he doesn't haunt me – he is with me now in some ineffable way. I experience that his love for me has expanded and envelops me, like a warm coat.

So, I was interested to read just that experience described in a recent New Yorker article on Roland Barthes' mourning for his mother. In William C. Carter's Marcel Proust: A Life, Proust described the trajectory of grief to a friend this way:

"You will know a sweetness you cannot yet conceive. When you had your mother, you thought a great deal about the days when you would no longer have her. Now you will think a great deal about the days when you did have her." Once [his friend] has adjusted to "the terrible experience of being forever thrown back on the past, then you will feel her gently returning to life, coming back to take her place again, her whole place beside you."

That's my experience. I was angry as he was dying, I fretted about his poor health and poor self-care, focusing on our impending loss. And now, after the initial shock, over the years, I have felt his presence, his love, expand again in my consciousness. Perhaps a trick of the mind, a self-comforting chimera, or maybe simply this is what adulthood feels like. No matter how this happened inside my head, I am thrilled to see it is not only my experience, but the experience of others, captured by Proust.

Even in the loneliness and isolation of grief, there is union or communion across the separation of time.