Linda Nance's Blog, page 3
May 29, 2013
Life Goes On ...A Novel
There are some questions I am asked about the stories that I write I would like to discuss today. One such question is, “Where do I get the ideas for the stories and novels?”
As I think back and remember when I first started to write the novel Life Goes On, I was not thinking of writing at all. There were so many stories that tore at the heart that were not just stories, but revelations of the difficulties so many people were living through. I heard them on the news, in the newspapers, from friends and relatives and others you might run across. Almost everyone knew or had heard of some family who were about to loose their homes. So many people had lost their jobs or were about to face such a disastrous time in their lives.
You would hear the numbers or about this one here or there, but what happened to them after that? Where did they go? What did they do? How did they survive?
If a man got laid off or lost his job, it is more than his loss. His whole family would feel the strain. I could only imagine the emotions he would have. It would be a heavy burden and responsibility to know that the whole family and future of the family would be in your hands and you felt helpless.
I could almost picture such a man, and the story was begun. A family that had life figured out and felt comfortable in their routine watched in helpless anguish as their world disappeared. When John lost his job they lost their home and all that they knew in life. Children may be adaptable but that does not mean they will like it or go willingly into a new and unfamiliar world. The will to survive would be strong and as the old saying goes....Life Goes On.
The only place they could afford was in a bad part of town with problems they had never had to face before, let alone live with and adapt to. They made new friends and learned new ways. The respectful demeanor they may have once had, was gone with the anger they felt fueling their attitudes and behavior.
Teenage is never and easy time in life but it can become more complicated as the choices made may be ones with far reaching consequences. Some consequences can be life changing and others may even be life threatening for more than one person.
I wanted to write it so the reader could not only understand the characters and situations in the story but feel the emotions. One review I received was very honest at how disturbing it was being realistic enough with the disrespect and attitudes of the children she found it difficult. The rest of the review reveals she soon understood perfectly why it was written as it was. I am very proud of her 4 star review. http://www.amazon.com/review/R2AR9F6EYRCNI5/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=1453780130&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag= I love all of the reviews on this book. When someone takes the time to be honest and share their opinion it is a gift.
Another question I am often asked always makes me smile. More times than I can count I am asked “Who are they really? I mean who are the real people? I could tell when I read it that they were not just made up fiction.”
If I am totally honest I have to say they really are 100% fiction. The circumstances could be ones suffered by many but the story is actually fiction.
Another question that usually follows is when will I write the next one? They want to know what happens next. I had not thought of it as a series to begin with but now I too want to see what will happen to them all. It will be awhile but it will one day be here. I have started a new novel and have a plan to do another children's book this summer with my grandson. I love his story ideas. We could actually do a whole series the way he is going but he agreed to let me do the art. I did the illustrations for The Pumpkin Field.
I titled the blog More Than Just A Story In A Book and that is exactly what I am trying to do with each of the stories and books. I want them to reach out beyond the pages and take on a life of their own where you can get to know them, see them, hear them and feel with them.
http://www.amazon.com/Life-Goes-Linda-Nance/dp/1453780130/ref=la_B004PVDVR4_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369858877&sr=1-1
Since all of my covers are my own art I wanted to share this one that I used to make the book cover but also am using in a collection I am making of Art and Words combining my art and words inspired but it.
May 18, 2013
Faces of the Years
We went to town the other day and I had to go in person to get the handicap hang tag for our vehicle. That may not sound too important, but to me it is. I simply can not get there from here in many circumstances. Physically I can not do it, or I risk putting a strain on my heart. We have driven the parking lot more than once and seen all of the place for handicapped filled. What is so disheartening is when you see one person in the vehicle and they jump out and virtually run or jog into the store. If you are there long enough, you will see them come back happily trotting along with their basket to load it in and leave. You are sitting there waiting because you can not get close enough to go in and get one of the ride along baskets. You are watching down the long row of cars and trucks. You sit there waiting because there was no space for you to use. There are worse things in life that can and will happen to you in life. We went to more than one place and I could not manage to get into and go shop. I sat and waited in the vehicle. While I sat there, many people came and went. Many faces on their way to what ever it was they had planned for the day, came past where I sat. There was a little old man who walked a bit stiff, but spry for his age that trudged into the store with determination. You could see it in his face. I bet he was an interesting person if you got to know him. Seeing the years in his face, I wondered what he would have looked like as a child? Would he have been filled with the same stance of confidence or would he have been shy? Was he the clown of the class or one you might now even notice? A little old lady strode my with a determined trot into the store. You can look at here now and see who and what she is as she exudes her confidence and determination. What was she years ago? You see another young woman with two small children getting them situated with one in the basket and the other near her side. They are beginning every day a journey, building their lives and the bonds between them, even with this little shopping trip. Who knows what those children will remember? They may remember the sunshiny day that they went shopping with their mom. I think if I look into a mirror I will see the face of a little old lady. I see the oxygen tubes and scares but I see more of me. I know more of me. I see a woman who is not dead yet. I see a woman who is trying to live every day as if it was special and no matter what it takes to survive that day, will not give up. What will I see in my own face? Can others ever look into my face and really know me? I know all of my past, but what shows in the face? Where did all of the years go? My children, friends and family all know me, but what about others? Am I just another old lady that has trouble walking? Am I just another person who really needs their handicapped parking? I guess so. But what of all the faces that reflect the past? Let us not forget that each person we know and meet was once young. They were once filled with hope and all of the feelings of youth. The faces of the past may reflect to faces of the future. Those who were once children of innocence, are now wrinkled and old, trudging ahead with determination formed from experiences through the years. Who knows what the future holds and those filled with the energy, hope, and determination of youth may find challenges in life to meet those qualities. One day they may look in a mirror and see a face formed by the years of life. Faces of the years. We all have them in one way or another. Let them be faces filled with hope and life. Let them be filled with determination to live life in everyday and every way the best that we can.May 12, 2013
Plan for Mother's Day
I am still going slow and at times not going at all, but every day is special and I am excited about today. It is Mother's Day. My daughter has always made sure I felt special on this day and then she too became a mother and gave me a most wonderful gift any mother can get when she had her own son, my grandson.
In a few hours we will get together and go pick flowers. We could have bought a beautiful bouquet but these flowers can not be bought. Every year for as long as I can remember my father would go pick iris from their flower beds and add in wild flowers of all kinds making delicate contrast in the bouquet. They both love those flowers. I have heard how when they were first married my great grandmother dug up bulbs to share from her own flower beds. The little blue ones with the strongest sweetest scent are the ones and they still grow, bloom and slowly spread. There are some from my grandmothers on both sides and there are those they picked out together.
They are both facing life threatening illness now. These days have been so heartbreaking and difficult. She is laying in a hospital bed now facing a surgical heart procedure tomorrow that has us all so worried. We are all going to go visit and spend mother's day together at the hospital. Her son, my brother is bringing pizza that she loves. Daddy can not go pick her flowers for the first year as he too has had to live in an assisted living place and try to regain his own health as much as he can. He will smile shortly. They will both have their flowers.
We are going to get the iris and wildflowers and bring them to them along with their granddaughter and great grandson. They have both been such a blessing and are always there for all of us. Albert made sure I have the oxygen I need and we will soon be out picking flowers.
I want to wish everyone everywhere a happy Mother's Day. In our lives, in our hearts, in our memories we hold mothers dear. With each little flower I hold in my heart my own mother, daughter, grandmothers and great-grandmothers and wishes for all the others everywhere.
I want to add in some photos of the flowers we picked today and took to my mother and father at the hospital. It was a wonderful day.
May 3, 2013
Depression Is The Loss Of Hope and A Moment Of Kindness Can Touch A Heart
I had said I wanted to write a blog honestly telling of this adventure of life as it progresses. I would have said the adventure with my books but it is more than that, just as the title of this blog is More Than Just A Story In A Book.
When I began to make the dream of being able to hold in my hands the books that I write it was only a dream. I knew nothing of so many things I would have to learn. At times I learned things the hard way, having tried things over and over before accomplishing what ever it was I was striving to do. After I got online, I was able to read and research so many things.
There is a world of people online. There are so many wonderful, helpful, encouraging and inspiring people. There are also people who would take advantage, misdirect or misinform or mislead you in many ways. The same is true of life and the world but with the internet the world may be only a click away.
I had heard so many warnings about so many dangerous things out in the world of computers. I have run across a few on the internet that are unpleasant, untruthful or in other ways to be avoided but the majority of people I have met have been fantastic.
I have had to take time off from the internet and many things in life. I am not physically strong and was unable to continue. More than that was the emotion toll the last few months had taken. I had no more words. The pain I felt was unending, the swelling dangerous with fluids so great I could hardly breathe. What was worse was the fact that there were those in the family that were counting on me as caregiver and the one to make life work. If I was all there was, then I felt we were all in trouble.
My daughter was helping all that she could and had been through a stressful time even before this latest round of challenges occurred. She is a single working mother who cares deeply for her son, family, and loves her job taking pride in doing the best that she can. She worked everyday and came here to help everyday after work. She ran and fetched what ever we needed. She worried and cared. What was all of this doing to her too? If only I could be stronger.
I wrote about the accident my husband suffered resulting in a fractured skull. http://linda-nance.blogspot.com/2013/03/danny-novel-and-linda-author.html He has still been unable to return to work but doing better slowly day by day. With that much swelling and bleeding in the brain we worried about permanent damage. I had read about such injuries before but that is so different than living it or watching someone you love live it. The changes in their personality can be frightening. Fearing for their very survival and knowing the future could be something you would not want to imagine are emotions I never want to repeat. There were so many things he could not do for himself. He has been there for me and I was determined to be there for him. It was not a few hours a day or here and there but 24 hours watching, waiting, lifting, doing any and everything to help.
There was an outpouring of love, prayers, support and encouragement here online. I told about when Albert fell and some of what was happening then in another blog. I will not repeat describing that part but add to it the information of what continued. When you get a phone call and your fathers voice says your mother is unconscious and I can not wake her. She is still breathing but the ambulance is on the way, it puts a feeling in your heart that is difficult to describe. This is during the same time my husband is in a condition so delicate we do not know one moment to the next what might happen to him and he is unable to not only do for himself but even think clearly. The pain in his head and back was almost unending.
If you think of health issues combining advanced age, diabetes, congestive heart failure, history of stokes, heart attacks and a few other things, hearing she is unconscious leaves you with the dreaded feeling wondering if this is the last time with your mother. I could not leave my husband but my father needed me with him as he waited, worried and was ever by mother's side. My mother would need to have her family around her when and if she woke. We need to know we are not alone. It helps at times even if there is nothing more that can be physically done to have a loving hand reach out and hold yours.
Every minute seemed like an eternity. Hours passed. She regained consciousness but I could get no answers of if they knew why it had happened or what to expect. It almost seems at times as if they have given up feeling this is nearing the end and nothing much more they can do. I could not believe when they sent her home. My parents told me they did not know why it had happened but she seemed to be stable so they were releasing her. I was frantic. How could they release her when they did not know what was causing it or if it would happen again?
That did not last long before it did happened again. I had always done all I could making sure they had everything they might need and their medications were used as directed but they are adults and demanded they have control of their own lives. A year and a half ago they informed me they were doing fine and my brother would be in charge if they needed anything. I have so many things already making life a challenge I was relieved he would finally step up and help.
She was not home 24 hours before it did happen again. She could have died so easily. My father was frantic needing a ride to the hospital to be by her side when the ambulance left headed to the hospital again. I could not drive him. I can not even begin to describe how critical things were here with Albert. He usually helped in any way he could. His health had gone down hill so badly he could barely walk himself. He was so weak he could only go 10 to 15 feet before he could go down. He has numerous blood clots they had been unable to dissolve the last time he was in the hospital, a heart condition and diabetes. He was going to try to walk to find someone who could take him. He also has mild to moderate Alzheimers.
I called everyone I knew trying to get help. We live out in the country and there is no calling a cab...you call a neighbor but most were gone to work. I finally reached one who immediately went to help and take him to the hospital.
This is just an example of the days I was unable to be online. It continued as she required over a week of care before she was again released. I could get no straight answers of what the problems were and feared my parents were trying to protect me by saying they did not know instead of something worse.
The day she was released my father was struggling so hard that the hospital had to get a wheel chair to get him down to the vehicle when she was released. He never gives up. He is the one who always took care of others and never even admitted he might be sick or in pain. You know something is terribly wrong. I could loose both of my parents and my husband.
We were still unsure if Albert was safely healing or might suffer additional problems especially since it had affected his emotional and thought processes. He became so angry blaming me for everything. I understood what was going on but that did not make it easier to live. He would scream in pain ranting that I needed to so something, demanding to eat and since he had lost his sense of taste he angrily refused it or threw it out saying I deliberately fixed crap with no flavor. He could not eat it and was no longer hungry. It did not take long before I was seeing a frightening sight of him dwindling away before my eyes. I was told I needed to get him to eat. His weight dropped to 126 pounds. It was heart breaking to see. I had seen pictures of people from concentration camps who appeared skeletal. Their joints sticking out and ribs clearly visible. My husband looked like those pictures. This was now the sight I saw with my husband.
My father's health was rapidly deteriorating. I had no idea if these were the last days for my mother or there was more that could be done. My daughter was exhausted running for the things we needed, to be with her grandparents and help any way that she could including running over to help in the late night, working full time, taking care of her son and all that life presented to her.
My little grandson would get off the school bus here looking for his Mamaw and Papaw but had become quiet with worry for his grandfather seeing someone who looked like him but was no longer the man he knew and loved. As much as I tried to explain and he tried to understand, he was too young to really understand what had happened and feared he had lost his best friend and grandfather. They are very close. I look after my grandson until his mother gets off work and when she got off work at this time she seemed to always have something for one of us to do or get before she could get home to him and they head to their own home.
I was trying my best to care for the sick and injured, cook, take care of things around the house and my little grandson and with my parents but knew I was loosing ground. I felt desperate and frantic. I could not accept that I would be unable to do what needed to be done. We had no choices. I had to …...
I thought if I just got tough and kept going I could do it. I had to do it. I had no choice. You might think depression would be an issue and it was but more evident was frantic, fear, and anxiety. There are limits.
When my father went down and ended up in the hospital, we found out they had not been taking their medications as they needed and his blood sugar was dangerously high. He has a place on his leg that makes me fear what it could become. I demanded they investigate looking for blood clots. When they found those problems it accounted for many of his problems and weakness but I was worried about the shortness of breathe. A blood clot had hit his lung and we did not know if he would survive. They did their best to break the clot and we hoped and prayed.
When each breathe rattled and seemed less effective, I knew I was in trouble. I used the breathing treatments and all I could do, but was feeling more and more as if it was my own life that was at risk. I have tried my best in life in many ways. I write about not giving up. I even titled the book I wrote about my own life I Will Not Give Up... Not Today... Life Is A Journey.
When the depression did hit, it was like a mountain fell on me. I could hardly breathe. I had chest pains so often I had to use the nitro repeatedly. My legs did not look like something attached to a human and even my hands and arms were so swelled. I was drowning in my own body. (I have and am on medication and was taking it) I could not go to the hospital. Who would be there for my husband and grandson?
It may sound crazy to say the words, thoughts, prayers and encouragement I saw here online made a difference in a situation such as we were living, but it did. If a bully can hurt then think about the reverse. Kind words and people who care can be almost a lifeline.
My mother was only out of the hospital one day before my father went down and we feared for his survival. He was admitted leaving the problems of finding ways to see that mother was taken care of at home and getting her there to visit with him. They are almost inseparable. You can see the bond between the two of them. Not being able to be together is torture for them both.
It has been two months since Albert fell and he is doing better. Both parents are out of the hospital. My parents have had to go to an assisted living place that is so beautiful and seems to be something that could not only make their lives safer but richer with others to visit, activities and so much more they have in addition to nutritional and quality meals you would find in a fine restaurant. My father is determined he does not want to stay and working to get his strength back.
As for me, I am doing better. It has been a long struggle. When I get fluids or upper respiratory problems, I take it very seriously. I also feel it as more than illness but a threat to my own existence. It is more than depressing. The feeling that you are slowly suffocating or drowning with each breathe a struggle working to live, is oppressive. There are no words that can really share it. Feeling it is so different than understanding it. There are times I worry the cancer will return too. I wonder from time to time if I will have a heart attack that ends it all. Just yesterday my blood pressure hit levels that are totally unacceptable at 207/110. Yes I am on medication and not neglected medically but I am trying my best.
I had a little talk with my best friend. I said a little prayer. I admitted I do not have the answers in life. I really do not know what to do. I surely do not know how to do it. I could not go on. There are some other issues but too many to name causing increased tension or upset in additions to the biggies here. I don't know the number of my days but feel so sick and sad and almost hopeless. I have felt so sick and tired. I do not mean tired as if a person needed a nap. I mean almost too tired to fight so hard to get well enough to go on. I do not know what to do, so I put it in the Lord's hands knowing even if I do not understand now that he can help me, lead me, lend me strength to do what I have to do if it is what he wants me to do. I put it in his hands.
Now this may sound crazy but right after that I had an intense pain in my left shoulder radiating down my left arm. The chest pains hit and I was shocked thinking I was having a heart attack right then. Maybe the answer is that the fight is over? I have nitro with me all the time and took it right away. In moments the pain in the chest faded and the arm too. With the nitro the blood pressure dropped quickly. I felt such a relief. It was more than the ease of the pain and discomfort or passing of what ever it was and the danger that could go with it. I have a feeling of peace. I have done and will do all that I can to help others. I will also try to take care of my self.
Instead of thoughts filled with worry and all of the problems going on, I could imagine the joy I have with my books. I thought back to the idea that each and everyone would be written and crafted to be the best stories I could make them, but more than that. I want every book to be so real others can relate to them and they will be remembered long after I am gone. They might help another when they are having problems or open eyes to problems in this world that often go ignored or overlooked. I want them to be stories a reader does not want to put down. I want readers to enjoy the books from cover to cover.
That brings me to the new novel Danny. That book is one I believe is so different and compelling. Even with all Albert was going through he pleaded I get it out in April. You may think he is just enthusiastic because he is my husband but he is also outspoken. If he did not believe in something he would say so, sometimes a little to directly, but truth is what helps if a person it trying to do something special. This meant as much to him as it does to me and I did get it out but there is no way I could be online to help let others know it even exists.
I posted what I could and that is when something so special happened and is still happening. Others have things they are working on and it is a busy world. I understand that but what I saw was people of heart reaching out and sharing the news for me. Tweets and retweets, posts on Facebook and dozens of other sites telling of Danny flowed across cyber space. It was not the selling of books but sharing a dream and a hand reached out helping someone who so desperately was trying to hold on and believe there was still hope.
I had listed the book at an introductory price during April for $2.99 but am extending it for a short time as I am hearing from those who not only got the book but have read it and found it touched them and did indeed seem to come to life. One woman told me that she could not read it at night as she found herself thinking someone needed to help the child. What would happen to him? She realized it is fiction but it seemed so real. I have heard from teachers who have struggled and worried about some of their own students and faced such difficulties trying to find a way to help. Hearing that this book is indeed finding its way to not only tell a story but touch those who hear and read it makes me finally rest and feel peace.
I am hearing from people about the other books too. I can not only dream it now but feel the dream myself.
How could I give up on life when these special caring people did not forget or give up on me? Depression is the loss of hope and hope and friendship and love flowed with every word, thought, prayer and post.
A prayer answered or coincidence? It may sound crazy to think as I prayed putting this life's problems in the Lord's hands I felt crushing pain and thought I was having a heart attack but the end results were immediately reducing dangerously high blood pressure and a feeling of peace, relief and hope. A little nitro can do amazing things and a little talk with the Lord can work miracles.
The kindness, thought, time and all done by so many online and in life will never be forgotten. Reaching out a hand of kindness can make a world of difference.
When I began to make the dream of being able to hold in my hands the books that I write it was only a dream. I knew nothing of so many things I would have to learn. At times I learned things the hard way, having tried things over and over before accomplishing what ever it was I was striving to do. After I got online, I was able to read and research so many things.
There is a world of people online. There are so many wonderful, helpful, encouraging and inspiring people. There are also people who would take advantage, misdirect or misinform or mislead you in many ways. The same is true of life and the world but with the internet the world may be only a click away.
I had heard so many warnings about so many dangerous things out in the world of computers. I have run across a few on the internet that are unpleasant, untruthful or in other ways to be avoided but the majority of people I have met have been fantastic.
I have had to take time off from the internet and many things in life. I am not physically strong and was unable to continue. More than that was the emotion toll the last few months had taken. I had no more words. The pain I felt was unending, the swelling dangerous with fluids so great I could hardly breathe. What was worse was the fact that there were those in the family that were counting on me as caregiver and the one to make life work. If I was all there was, then I felt we were all in trouble.
My daughter was helping all that she could and had been through a stressful time even before this latest round of challenges occurred. She is a single working mother who cares deeply for her son, family, and loves her job taking pride in doing the best that she can. She worked everyday and came here to help everyday after work. She ran and fetched what ever we needed. She worried and cared. What was all of this doing to her too? If only I could be stronger.
I wrote about the accident my husband suffered resulting in a fractured skull. http://linda-nance.blogspot.com/2013/03/danny-novel-and-linda-author.html He has still been unable to return to work but doing better slowly day by day. With that much swelling and bleeding in the brain we worried about permanent damage. I had read about such injuries before but that is so different than living it or watching someone you love live it. The changes in their personality can be frightening. Fearing for their very survival and knowing the future could be something you would not want to imagine are emotions I never want to repeat. There were so many things he could not do for himself. He has been there for me and I was determined to be there for him. It was not a few hours a day or here and there but 24 hours watching, waiting, lifting, doing any and everything to help.
There was an outpouring of love, prayers, support and encouragement here online. I told about when Albert fell and some of what was happening then in another blog. I will not repeat describing that part but add to it the information of what continued. When you get a phone call and your fathers voice says your mother is unconscious and I can not wake her. She is still breathing but the ambulance is on the way, it puts a feeling in your heart that is difficult to describe. This is during the same time my husband is in a condition so delicate we do not know one moment to the next what might happen to him and he is unable to not only do for himself but even think clearly. The pain in his head and back was almost unending.
If you think of health issues combining advanced age, diabetes, congestive heart failure, history of stokes, heart attacks and a few other things, hearing she is unconscious leaves you with the dreaded feeling wondering if this is the last time with your mother. I could not leave my husband but my father needed me with him as he waited, worried and was ever by mother's side. My mother would need to have her family around her when and if she woke. We need to know we are not alone. It helps at times even if there is nothing more that can be physically done to have a loving hand reach out and hold yours.
Every minute seemed like an eternity. Hours passed. She regained consciousness but I could get no answers of if they knew why it had happened or what to expect. It almost seems at times as if they have given up feeling this is nearing the end and nothing much more they can do. I could not believe when they sent her home. My parents told me they did not know why it had happened but she seemed to be stable so they were releasing her. I was frantic. How could they release her when they did not know what was causing it or if it would happen again?
That did not last long before it did happened again. I had always done all I could making sure they had everything they might need and their medications were used as directed but they are adults and demanded they have control of their own lives. A year and a half ago they informed me they were doing fine and my brother would be in charge if they needed anything. I have so many things already making life a challenge I was relieved he would finally step up and help.
She was not home 24 hours before it did happen again. She could have died so easily. My father was frantic needing a ride to the hospital to be by her side when the ambulance left headed to the hospital again. I could not drive him. I can not even begin to describe how critical things were here with Albert. He usually helped in any way he could. His health had gone down hill so badly he could barely walk himself. He was so weak he could only go 10 to 15 feet before he could go down. He has numerous blood clots they had been unable to dissolve the last time he was in the hospital, a heart condition and diabetes. He was going to try to walk to find someone who could take him. He also has mild to moderate Alzheimers.
I called everyone I knew trying to get help. We live out in the country and there is no calling a cab...you call a neighbor but most were gone to work. I finally reached one who immediately went to help and take him to the hospital.
This is just an example of the days I was unable to be online. It continued as she required over a week of care before she was again released. I could get no straight answers of what the problems were and feared my parents were trying to protect me by saying they did not know instead of something worse.
The day she was released my father was struggling so hard that the hospital had to get a wheel chair to get him down to the vehicle when she was released. He never gives up. He is the one who always took care of others and never even admitted he might be sick or in pain. You know something is terribly wrong. I could loose both of my parents and my husband.
We were still unsure if Albert was safely healing or might suffer additional problems especially since it had affected his emotional and thought processes. He became so angry blaming me for everything. I understood what was going on but that did not make it easier to live. He would scream in pain ranting that I needed to so something, demanding to eat and since he had lost his sense of taste he angrily refused it or threw it out saying I deliberately fixed crap with no flavor. He could not eat it and was no longer hungry. It did not take long before I was seeing a frightening sight of him dwindling away before my eyes. I was told I needed to get him to eat. His weight dropped to 126 pounds. It was heart breaking to see. I had seen pictures of people from concentration camps who appeared skeletal. Their joints sticking out and ribs clearly visible. My husband looked like those pictures. This was now the sight I saw with my husband.
My father's health was rapidly deteriorating. I had no idea if these were the last days for my mother or there was more that could be done. My daughter was exhausted running for the things we needed, to be with her grandparents and help any way that she could including running over to help in the late night, working full time, taking care of her son and all that life presented to her.
My little grandson would get off the school bus here looking for his Mamaw and Papaw but had become quiet with worry for his grandfather seeing someone who looked like him but was no longer the man he knew and loved. As much as I tried to explain and he tried to understand, he was too young to really understand what had happened and feared he had lost his best friend and grandfather. They are very close. I look after my grandson until his mother gets off work and when she got off work at this time she seemed to always have something for one of us to do or get before she could get home to him and they head to their own home.
I was trying my best to care for the sick and injured, cook, take care of things around the house and my little grandson and with my parents but knew I was loosing ground. I felt desperate and frantic. I could not accept that I would be unable to do what needed to be done. We had no choices. I had to …...
I thought if I just got tough and kept going I could do it. I had to do it. I had no choice. You might think depression would be an issue and it was but more evident was frantic, fear, and anxiety. There are limits.
When my father went down and ended up in the hospital, we found out they had not been taking their medications as they needed and his blood sugar was dangerously high. He has a place on his leg that makes me fear what it could become. I demanded they investigate looking for blood clots. When they found those problems it accounted for many of his problems and weakness but I was worried about the shortness of breathe. A blood clot had hit his lung and we did not know if he would survive. They did their best to break the clot and we hoped and prayed.
When each breathe rattled and seemed less effective, I knew I was in trouble. I used the breathing treatments and all I could do, but was feeling more and more as if it was my own life that was at risk. I have tried my best in life in many ways. I write about not giving up. I even titled the book I wrote about my own life I Will Not Give Up... Not Today... Life Is A Journey.
When the depression did hit, it was like a mountain fell on me. I could hardly breathe. I had chest pains so often I had to use the nitro repeatedly. My legs did not look like something attached to a human and even my hands and arms were so swelled. I was drowning in my own body. (I have and am on medication and was taking it) I could not go to the hospital. Who would be there for my husband and grandson?
It may sound crazy to say the words, thoughts, prayers and encouragement I saw here online made a difference in a situation such as we were living, but it did. If a bully can hurt then think about the reverse. Kind words and people who care can be almost a lifeline.
My mother was only out of the hospital one day before my father went down and we feared for his survival. He was admitted leaving the problems of finding ways to see that mother was taken care of at home and getting her there to visit with him. They are almost inseparable. You can see the bond between the two of them. Not being able to be together is torture for them both.
It has been two months since Albert fell and he is doing better. Both parents are out of the hospital. My parents have had to go to an assisted living place that is so beautiful and seems to be something that could not only make their lives safer but richer with others to visit, activities and so much more they have in addition to nutritional and quality meals you would find in a fine restaurant. My father is determined he does not want to stay and working to get his strength back.
As for me, I am doing better. It has been a long struggle. When I get fluids or upper respiratory problems, I take it very seriously. I also feel it as more than illness but a threat to my own existence. It is more than depressing. The feeling that you are slowly suffocating or drowning with each breathe a struggle working to live, is oppressive. There are no words that can really share it. Feeling it is so different than understanding it. There are times I worry the cancer will return too. I wonder from time to time if I will have a heart attack that ends it all. Just yesterday my blood pressure hit levels that are totally unacceptable at 207/110. Yes I am on medication and not neglected medically but I am trying my best.
I had a little talk with my best friend. I said a little prayer. I admitted I do not have the answers in life. I really do not know what to do. I surely do not know how to do it. I could not go on. There are some other issues but too many to name causing increased tension or upset in additions to the biggies here. I don't know the number of my days but feel so sick and sad and almost hopeless. I have felt so sick and tired. I do not mean tired as if a person needed a nap. I mean almost too tired to fight so hard to get well enough to go on. I do not know what to do, so I put it in the Lord's hands knowing even if I do not understand now that he can help me, lead me, lend me strength to do what I have to do if it is what he wants me to do. I put it in his hands.
Now this may sound crazy but right after that I had an intense pain in my left shoulder radiating down my left arm. The chest pains hit and I was shocked thinking I was having a heart attack right then. Maybe the answer is that the fight is over? I have nitro with me all the time and took it right away. In moments the pain in the chest faded and the arm too. With the nitro the blood pressure dropped quickly. I felt such a relief. It was more than the ease of the pain and discomfort or passing of what ever it was and the danger that could go with it. I have a feeling of peace. I have done and will do all that I can to help others. I will also try to take care of my self.
Instead of thoughts filled with worry and all of the problems going on, I could imagine the joy I have with my books. I thought back to the idea that each and everyone would be written and crafted to be the best stories I could make them, but more than that. I want every book to be so real others can relate to them and they will be remembered long after I am gone. They might help another when they are having problems or open eyes to problems in this world that often go ignored or overlooked. I want them to be stories a reader does not want to put down. I want readers to enjoy the books from cover to cover.
That brings me to the new novel Danny. That book is one I believe is so different and compelling. Even with all Albert was going through he pleaded I get it out in April. You may think he is just enthusiastic because he is my husband but he is also outspoken. If he did not believe in something he would say so, sometimes a little to directly, but truth is what helps if a person it trying to do something special. This meant as much to him as it does to me and I did get it out but there is no way I could be online to help let others know it even exists.
I posted what I could and that is when something so special happened and is still happening. Others have things they are working on and it is a busy world. I understand that but what I saw was people of heart reaching out and sharing the news for me. Tweets and retweets, posts on Facebook and dozens of other sites telling of Danny flowed across cyber space. It was not the selling of books but sharing a dream and a hand reached out helping someone who so desperately was trying to hold on and believe there was still hope.
I had listed the book at an introductory price during April for $2.99 but am extending it for a short time as I am hearing from those who not only got the book but have read it and found it touched them and did indeed seem to come to life. One woman told me that she could not read it at night as she found herself thinking someone needed to help the child. What would happen to him? She realized it is fiction but it seemed so real. I have heard from teachers who have struggled and worried about some of their own students and faced such difficulties trying to find a way to help. Hearing that this book is indeed finding its way to not only tell a story but touch those who hear and read it makes me finally rest and feel peace.
I am hearing from people about the other books too. I can not only dream it now but feel the dream myself.
How could I give up on life when these special caring people did not forget or give up on me? Depression is the loss of hope and hope and friendship and love flowed with every word, thought, prayer and post.
A prayer answered or coincidence? It may sound crazy to think as I prayed putting this life's problems in the Lord's hands I felt crushing pain and thought I was having a heart attack but the end results were immediately reducing dangerously high blood pressure and a feeling of peace, relief and hope. A little nitro can do amazing things and a little talk with the Lord can work miracles.
The kindness, thought, time and all done by so many online and in life will never be forgotten. Reaching out a hand of kindness can make a world of difference.
April 14, 2013
So Much Beauty All Around Us
These last few months have been difficult. There were times I felt such fear and even loneliness. I was not lonely because there were no people who cared. I was overwhelmed when it appeared my husband might not live. There may be good times and others less a moment to celebrate between man and wife, but there is a bond. There is a bond in the heart that makes Albert a part of my heart. My heart felt as if it was breaking.
So many people showed so much support and care, it opened a window and then a door allowing hope to enter. I believe in prayers and those many prayers were answered.Each day now is a challenge. That intense fear has eased into an uncomfortable knowledge there is no way to tell if he will ever fully heal. He still can not hear from one ear, suffers terrible headaches and each day a new sensation occurs to deal with.... but he is alive. He is improving and working as hard as he can to recover. At first it was a terrible effort to walk across the room. He would teeter and totter and almost fall, but did not give up.
I tried as hard a I could but eventually could go no more. The problems in the spine were exacerbated. When I overdo, I not only get too tired but the fluids build around the heart and lungs as well as in the legs. We were a mess. Everyday our daughter would come and help as she could, but she also works full time and takes care of her family too. She did all of our running and fetching. The little grandson did all he could, from rubbing something that hurts with his magic hands to fetching and filling our water glasses. They did it with love.
These days have passed with each one a challenge of survival. Even from the beginning Albert wanted me to get my novel Danny out. He is so passionate about it, believing it to be a story that will be of interest, carry you with each page into the life of this disturbed and damaged child to a better understanding and awareness of the affects and effects such abuse can make a person vulnerable to in life. He loves all of my books but then again.... he is my husband too. I tried my best with him and the book but knew I was getting worse each day and would be unable to promote it.
That was when a ray of sunshine that lit my world with the wonderful friends here at home and online. There are no word to explain how touched I have been and am, with all of the help. I have said so many times that my books are more than just a story in a book and this is more than promoting a book. This has been a hand of friendship and help reaching out in a very difficult time. This has been something I will never forget.
There were times the winds were cold or the weather dreary, but the other day it was beautiful and warm. The sun made the day look so inviting when Albert announced he wanted to spend some time outside. He is able to walk about better now and the more he does the more he can do as he works to build his strength back. I still have some oxygen in the small bottle I use when I leave the house. I have tried it before without it and it was not a good idea. Wow, it was not a good idea at all.
I took my cell phone with me and a camera my daughter loaned me. I often take pictures with the phone. Now and then I look at all of these things and am still so amazed. I remember when it would have been laughable to think of a phone that worked when it was not mounted on the wall and then connected with a wire so it would sit on a table or desk. A cordless phone? Satellites? Computers? The world goes on and changes so quickly or maybe the years just seem to be passing by ever more swiftly as I get older.
The day was too beautiful to let it pass by and be lost to all of the others that sometimes seem to blend together. There were moments and little sights right there waiting, so out we went. Albert raised his face to the sky, closed his eyes and seemed to soak in the warmth of the sun and gentle breezes cooling and refreshing. I took a seat at the picnic table he and our little grandson had built for me to be able to sit out back and have cook outs on the grill.
My daughter called, so we visited for a while and then I told her I was going to write a blog about weeds. At first she sounded a little concerned. “Are you really going to write about weeds? What in the world would you say about weeds?”
I laughed and told her what ever popped in this old head. “We are outside right now and it is so beautiful. I brought your camera too and am even going to take pictures of my little weeds. Well, the ones close enough I can get to them.”
She laughed and we went on to other subjects as I assured her we were doing all right.I found a little dandelion that had gone to seed. I had to smile as I remembered blowing the little seeds to the wind as a child. Someone had told me that if you made a wish and could blow them all off, your wish would come true. I did not try huffing and puffing on something that might make me sneeze but the memory made me smile. I took the picture.
I looked out at the other dandelions so bright and cheerful in the afternoon sunshine. If you really look at all of the little petals they are beautiful little flowers. My grandfather used to tell me how much he loved to see the first dandelions. His neighbors thought it was crazy as they worked digging them out of the yard and poisoning them and he would smile and say they were missing the beauty. “Winter can be so harsh and gray, then comes Spring and flowers. Before the trees can even really green up there is a bright and beautiful little flower and you want to kill it.” He may not have had the perfect lawn but he did have some dandy dandelions.
I noticed a little bee and then another busy with the flowers and thought of the sweet honey they make. I looked closer and saw some tiny little white flowers that were so delicate and so beautiful. The green, yellow, snowy white and earth below contrasting in shadow and sunlight on a beautiful day.
There are times I wonder if I might be going crazy and others that I am sure about it. I do love roses and so many flowers. I guess I love all flowers....even the little weeds and wild flowers that are often so overlooked. You can look closely at the petals of the little white ones and as you turn it in the sunlight it actually shimmers with an iridescence. There were some that grew in clusters with dozens of little stamens creating such an intricate sight.
I spotted some little violets growing wild. That area of the yard is natural. The trees had been so huge that the foliage towered above creating a dense canopy of shade below. We could sit under it in a gentle rain and not even get wet. An ice storm a few years back broke and destroyed most of them. The loss of such beautiful trees saddened me. Now I see many new thing growing in the area, as sunlight touches the earth where there had been only dense shade. I see little flowers. Each had its season and each had such beauty in its own way.
As I gazed at the violets I remembered walking with my father when I was very young. He was patiently showing me many things, such as the beauty of the little violets. Many years have passed and many steps in life progressed, but that moment lives in my heart and is renewed with the beauty of the little flowers.
I was not more than twenty feet from where I had been sitting but I knew in moments it would be time I would have no choice but to sit back down and rest. Before I did, I looked up as I had seen Albert doing earlier at the intense blue of the sky through a pattern of branches and buds on our little Dogwood tree. It will not be long and they will burst into bloom. I do so love the flowers. I love the big ones, the little ones, the fancy ones and delicate little flowers on the weeds that often go unnoticed. I love the flowering trees.
It was a beautiful day shared. I found such peace and contentment sitting at the table made by two people I love.... looking at the weeds....and seeing the beauty of the day all around.
April 4, 2013
I Confess but I Will Explain
I am going to confess and tell what all has been really going on. I can only do this a little at a time and sometimes a line at a time. I am limited at how long I can sit here at the computer and typing is difficult.
Many of you know about my husband's accident. Many know some of my health issues, especially those who have read my nonfiction book, I Will Not Give UP...Not Today...Life Is A Journey. viewBook.at/B00730UT6 Raw emotion finding words for things so real and emotional that the tears ran down my face as I wrote and remembered is a part of that book. I did cry as I wrote this at times. There were other times it made me smile with the memories.
I know I am rambling and maybe getting off track but if I confess honestly, my mind is wandering these days in many directions and at times in directions filled with dark hopeless feelings of despair.
My writing in this document may not be the best in punctuation, sentence structure or editing. I will not even try to edit this. It is not a literary creation but a confession and explanation from a mind that is distraught and confused. Until the blood pressure goes back down it is also at times limited in many ways.
Since I mentioned the book about my life I will tell somethings that are in there and some others from before and after that period. I did not write it to tell about my life but with the hope that others might find a way as I did to believe and hope and never give up even when things are so hard or painful in life.
I was born with a spinal deformity, missing one and a half vertebrae in the lumbar region. That causes a rocking motion that can put pressure on the spinal cord causing severe pain and even loss of use in the legs. I was in back braces and had pain medication. My family had good insurance and I was young and thought I could do whatever I put my mind to.
I studied many things medical and had an interest in that field. I decided to work to make the muscles as strong as possible in the back. I have always had problems with that area but managed to be able to do most things everyone else does. Most people never realized I even had a problem. When it did hurt, I would sit in the floor cross legged and slowly bend forward stretching the lower spine and feel relief.
As the years progressed they told me that I had a degenerative bone and connective tissue disease. They said there is no cure and offered counseling. That hit me hard as my Grandmother had that problem. She also had several surgeries for brain tumors. As the spinal column deteriorated she became a prisoner in her own body living in pain. She could think and feel but not even get up. On day she turned her head and died.
Depression can kill you in one way or another. It can either take away your life or take the life you have, as you do not really live while you are still alive. That may sound confusing but so is that state of mind. I think we have to be able to live life and look to a future with hope and determination. I think we have to be able to believe in a future to live our future and be alive each day we have.
I have been working with my art and words saying many things. I really believe the things that I say about hope for tomorrow.
When I tell you how close I was to loosing hope.... loosing all hope …...that is a confession that is one I never thought I would say.
I told about the back and the past because it so greatly affects the present too. I have a rare endocrine disorder we have to be extremely careful with many things such as anesthesia, bug spray, antihistamines and many other things. Novocaine to fill a tooth can kill me. Zylocaine is fine. It is rare enough, even some in the medical fields had never run across it and ignore what you tell them. We found it by accident when I had an anesthesia and reacted to it. The reaction was to die on the table and end up on life support with no breathing response. They even had me speak to a small group of doctors telling what it was like. They were amazed that I could quote conversations that took place in the operating room when I was being resuscitated. If your heart will not beat on it's own and someone has to breathe for you.... are you dead? If you are not, you are not far from it. It is hard to find words to tell of such feelings but I used that experience to try and bring realism to one of my short stories in the book A Tale To Tell. The story is Watch What You Wish For viewBook.at/B007ESJ49Y Some of these stories tell more than a story to share when the hour is a little spooky some may be haunted in memory
If you follow me on twitter @LindaJNance you may recognize that as one of the tweets I post about the book. Now you know why I said it that way. It is fiction, but in many parts inspired by memories.
By now you may think I am just advertizing my books but this is so much more complex than selling books. The books are something more than something I published to sell. They are a part of me and something I worked to create. I wanted them to be special in many ways, each and every one in it's own way. The topic of my books is something that I take very seriously and it means a lot to me. I do want to feel they are of some worth to others. When I had the free pro mos I had thousands downloaded but in a busy world have no idea if they have been read or will be read one day. I do want to feel as if they have more than dollar worth.
When I was in a head-on collision My body was broken. I know how lucky I am to have lived. I did write about that. If you do not believe in miracles, you would have if you had lived that time with me. The car motor crushed in and pinned my foot to the floorboard of the car crushing the foot and breaking it in 6 places. That may sound bad but it is all that kept me from going through the windshield out onto the road. As the car spun it flung me like a rag doll smashing my face and head into the windshield, my chest and arms into the dash, breaking and cutting me beyond recognition. The windshield broke into tiny squares of glass and my face raked across it. The bleeding was massive.
I tell all of this because things from our past can haunt our present in many ways. The bones in the foot had to be pinned. One joint and half of the other had to be removed. With the delicate condition of the bones the pin in one of the breaks did not hold. The bone was too fragile and re-broke. Every step I take is on that foot. They sewed my hands back and they healed beautifully but do hurt. Arthritis is setting up everywhere.
These things have come to mind even more as these last days have been so painful in so many ways. I use an anti-inflammatory to keep the swelling down and help keep me going. This may sound impossible with all of the steroids and modern medicine we have, to use aspirin such as BC powders but I do. It also works as a blood thinner.
I had been on steroids for the back and these other things and to help breathing and in massive doses when I was in critical condition with respiratory distress. I gained over a hundred pounds. They said weight gain was normal but it is not normal to have to live in a body you do not feel is even human and even less normal to have to endure the problems excessive weight gain causes. I also have an irregular heart beat that can kick out blood clots. I was told I would have to take blood thinners or risk a heart attack or stroke. My mother, father and grandfather were the same way. My mother had so many problems with the blood thinners and father quit taking his. Aspirin is a blood thinner and I had to use a lot of aspirin with the problems I was living with. For over 20 years I have been making it with my old fashion aspirin. I will mention that when I ran out of the Bcs for extended periods of time I had problems arise with blood clots. It may be coincidence that I managed so long without problems except when I was off the medication with the aspirin.
We should never underestimate simple things that can offer good results but also never forget that they are real. When I was in the ambulance I could no longer see but heard the paramedic asking if I was on drugs....any drugs. I told him no. I do not and never did use drugs. He kept asking if I was taking any drugs and I remembered the thyroid I have to take.
I drifted away and could not hear him. All was quiet and time stopped. I then heard him talking to someone saying he thought this would be a bleed out and he did not know if we would make it to the hospital. The word bleed-out kept echoing in my mind and then it hit me....drugs???? BCs, aspirin...bleed-out, and was able to say BCs.
As the weeks and months and years passed I managed to not only survive but see so many ways my life was blessed. If I ever doubted it, all I had to do is look at the grandchildren and children as they are like a ray of sunshine and hope. Another thing I love is writing. I wanted to be able to write and bring the characters and scenes to life. I wanted to be able to used words on a page to help share feelings, thoughts, and make the stories come to life.
I tell all about those things and more in the book and even going back to school to help me improve what I was so determined to accomplish. I may have problems doing many things but I could try and not give up with my writing.
When it came time I wanted to hold a book in my hand, the process of getting published was one I needed to learn and start working to accomplish. I went to the library and studied all I could and got online too. I started submitting query and synopsis of Journey Home when I got sick. I got so very sick. I coughed so hard I broke a rib. The x-rays showed pneumonia and more. It showed a mass under the aorta. That is not a good spot. Under the aorta and over the heart there is no room for growth and it was growing.
The prognosis was death. I was advised to make whatever arrangements I need to take care of. I told of all that in the book too. It was a time that left you feeling numb. I felt many things but too many to name here. The growth has almost stopped but it is still there.
I did not want to wait and started to consider self publishing. I did not want the things I had written to die with me. I wanted to reach out and have something I thought of as special to live on and others to find pleasure and hope in. I had no idea how much time I had but looked at each day as a gift.
Before I could do much more I found out the growing had spread. I had tumors in the lung, in the arteries that supply the lung and right next to the lymph nodes. I had cancer. My options were limited. They said I might not survive the chemo or radiation and time was very limited. Every beat of my heart brought me closer to inoperable. The surgery had to be postponed at that point because I did not have enough lung function to survive the surgery. I would be left a vegetable on a respirator.
I had to see my story become a book. I had to hold it in my hands. I chose Createspace. I know there are dozens of companies and many wonderful options but I did not have time to try to work things out. They worked with me. When they say they will help you, I not only knew so little about computers and the internet it would amaze you but did not even understand many of the terms and had no time to learn them. They talked me through it. Their patience was amazing. When talking to me, by then there were times that I would become unable to talk or understand as the oxygen lever was getting lower.
I got online and set up a facebook page. You may hear many stories about the bad things encountered on the internet and I am sure they are true and even more but I have to tell you about what I found. I found friends. I found people of such heart and caring attitudes who offered their support, best wishes and even prayers that it touched me to the heart and I will never forget. Family and friends, near and far, in person and online gave more to me than words can tell.
Before I went in for the surgery I held that book in my hand and cried. I cried tears of joy and hope.
These are all ramblings of the past but there are times that the past can come back to haunt in more than one way. The next book I published was Journey Home. It was actually the first Novel I wrote and I love that book. Who, what and why were questions with no answers but the future and the past were soon to meet with deadly consequences http://viewBook.at/B0054GLX92
I wanted each of my books to be special from cover to cover and all that was inside. The first one I used a photo I had taken many years before that wraps completely around to the back with a sunset. Seeing the car lights of travelers reminded me of the story as the family had to relocate starting a new life and seemed perfect.
With Journey Home I decided to use one of my paintings. I even post some of them as I worked on them on the new fan page I had set up. After all that work the one I decided on was one with special sentimental attachment. I had done the painting for my father-in-law before he passed. I wanted to share the things from my heart that were so much a part of me. I wanted to share my writing and my art.
I lived each day not knowing how many more I would have. I was obsessed to accomplish as much as I could and leave something behind that my family, friends, children and others who might have a chance to read my words could enjoy and become a part of. I did not want to die feeling alone and isolate. I was very isolate in physical person as I could not easily go anywhere. There was the illness, pain, sickness, cancer, surgery and then even after all of that there was the recovery from it was so painful and debilitating. Just being alive was work. At first I felt as if the tube for the oxygen was my life line. I had to have it to live. As the days and weeks passed it became more of a leash that offered another reason I could not go or do what ever it was..... I could not just jump in the pool or lake and swim out in the refreshing water. I could not dive down feeling the cool water caress over my face. I could not go many places or do many things. We had to buy the bottles of oxygen for me to leave the house at all even to go out back.
With no insurance that can be a problem. There are the meds for blood pressure and heart, thyroid, BC's and then the oxygen for the machine at the house and bottles to go out. We were making it though and little by little I did go out at times. I started the writers group here in town to help others make their dreams come true too. I am no expert on anything but together we have done amazing things. Each person helping one another is fantastic. Each member of the group is so special.
I extended it to a facebook group page and am so delighted hearing from writers all round the world sharing information and their projects. I continued to work on the fan page, writers group page and set up the blog....this blog. I did not know what I was doing and still don't but wanted it to be something real.
I called it More Than Just A Story In A Book because each of my books is that. One day I hope to have the time to really talk about the stories and all that is in each one. I think the blog is that too. This blog is more than the stories and the books. I write a lot about what I write, because it is so important to me. I have tried to put so much in these stories and tried to bring them to life with emotion and content using words on a page. I also have shared me. I have shared more me since I got online than I would ever have dreamed of. It is not that I am so sure my life is so interesting but I am still alive. I am still trying to live each day and look for something beautiful and find hope.
It sure is taking me a long time to get to my confession but it is hard for me to admit that I came so close to giving up. I felt so hopeless. All I have to do it to quit trying. I have enough health problems if I don't take the medicine, use the oxygen, and try....... How can a person work so hard and try if they feel totally worthless and helpless? How can they keep trying if all seems lost?
You may wonder how I can go from looking for something beautiful and never giving up to having a thought cross my mind to write another book titled Time To Give Up....Today is the Day....Life Is Over.
I told before about my husband's devastating accident. There has been more going on. They released him too soon. I have never heard of anyone going straight from ICU to home in a little over 48 hours from the time they fell fracturing their skull with a brain bleed even if it had stopped for several hours. He was still on Ivs. His doctor released him because he said he was feeling better and wanted to go home. He would tell them anything to go home. He felt panicked he would never get well unless he did, because they kept waking him up. They did that to make sure he could still wake up. He thought the pain meds were the reason he could not stay awake and could not understand that at that time his brain was bleeding in three places from the fracture at the back it was putting pressure even on the front of the brain.
He made it until that evening ranting about the pain and unable to even keep water down. The ER readmitted him and the same doctor released him a day and a half later. We were on our own. I could not just watch him die but he got confused and the pain had him pacing and constantly demanding to find a way to make it stop in his head and back. I rubbed everything. Soon his legs and even his feet hurt. His back had the impression from the concrete imbedded in it from the impact of his fall.
He had lost his sense of taste so refused to eat saying it was my fault. Everything I cooked had no taste. If I would just put some seasoning in it..... I tried everything and cooked all different things. Eventually I did get him to eat but it had been long enough it was one bite at a time. He had gone from 155 pounds to 119.
My daughter did all that she could but she works to support her son and take care of her family too. She came every day but the bottom line was that I was here and if I could not find a way to help him I thought he would die.
In addition to him being constantly angry with me he demanded I get Danny done. He was so enthusiastic about it I had found hope and joy that he cared about something so important to me too. He has been so supportive of me and even took me to each of the writers group functions.
We had and have no income during this time. I tried to keep a positive out look but was hurting more than words could describe myself and so very tired. I kept working and trying and taking care of him even if he got angry.
With no insurance and no income even with family trying to help I watched as the shelves got bare and the freezer was more empty. I forgot to check our gas tank. We had snow predicted when someone coming in to visit happened to check and see it was on '0'. I can not leave the oxygen machine and we were running out of gas to heat.
I began to feel as if I was in a nightmare and needed to wake up and see it was really only a dream. We were running out of food and no way to heat. We had no money or income and the family had no way of helping.
I found an agency that helped us to get gas but we had to get there to fill out the papers. We did. A local church called Happy Trails Cowboy Church was so very generous helping with food and our church Pilgrim Lutheran has been there emotionally and also helping so we would not loose our vehicle insurance so Albert would have a way when able to go back to work.
Friends and family are helping all they could. Another friend in the writers group not only bought food but cooked enough I had meals for days.
Even with all of that day by day things are so difficult. I did not have the money for my prescriptions. I began to ration them using half the prescribed doses.
I do understand that with a severe head injury it can affect a person's thinking and even their personality. My daughter mentioned Albert did not seem like the same person. He was not the same person as the one that was so supportive and loved to do things with the grandchildren. It was becoming something fearful. He seemed as if he could become violent and above all else he hated me. Nothing I did was right. Whatever was wrong was my fault. You could not talk to him. His anger was all there was left. He did still want me to get Danny done and published. He demanded it and I was happy he still cared about it.
The day before I was going to upload the file to make it a book he announced it was all over. He had decided that all my writing was totally worthless and an waste of time. It was over and done. I was so shocked and hurt that at first I could not talk at all.
I explained how much it meant to me. There was so much I could not do in life but what I wrote was part of my heart and soul. It was my way to reach out and not just be sick, crippled, alone to die. If I had to give up on all of that and the things that I love I was giving up on being alive.
He calmly and coldly looked at me and said, “Get real. How much do you make in dollars and cents? Your books are worthless and your writing is a waste of time. It is over and there is no reason to keep the internet either.”
I already knew we would not be able to stay on the internet much longer until he was well enough to go back to work or a miracle made the books best sellers overnight...even that would be too late for now. I thought when I could not afford the internet and we had to cancel it, I would continue to write and when things got better I would be back. Until then, if I visited somewhere I could get on and say hello.
I have heard from people all around the world about my books and some of the other things that I write. There is a school in England that read the children's book in their school and contacted me saying wonderful things. There have been others that have thanked me for the story I Will Not Give Up saying it helped them. There have been many that used the coloring books pages I posted on the fan page with their children or classes in school. They are not for sale. They are free for the children but does that make them worthless? I had free promotions for each of the other books and gave literally thousands away free. I do not know how many have had time to read them yet other than those I have heard from. It is a busy world but I have had some wonderful responses.
There is no charge to read this blog, but is it worthless? Even though my mind understands head injuries, my heart had taken almost all the hurt it could stand. My body hurts so much. Now the fluids around the heart and lungs is almost more than I can function with. My legs and feet as so swollen the skin stretch so thin it blistered and broke in several places. Everything on me hurts.
Something inside of me was dieing right then. The tears ran down my face but I had no words. I felt empty and lost. I felt alone. I felt as if I was a burden to my family and there was no hope. I did not call my family or friends because there was nothing they could do. How could anyone give me back heart and hope when your own husband hates you and screams how worthless you are?
You did though. You all here did. You have no idea what you did and are doing right now. You are posting tweets for Danny and posting sites and the book on pages and so many places. You are posting and tweeting hope and dreams to keep us alive and living instead of feeling alone, helpless and filled with despair. You are not selling a book but saving a friend in a dark and desperate time of life.
I believe in the book. Albert did too before he broke his head. We both think that although it is fiction, it is one not to be forgotten and special. I wanted to try to write it realistically enough you knew the people, could feel the pain, fear, and see them. I wanted it to be one of a kind.
So many people.... I have not and can not sit here for very long. This is taking days to write. But day after day you did not forget me. You take all this time to help in so many ways. You show and tell care, prayers, and well wishes. Each and every comment, tweet and post touches me so much. There are no words to say how much all you have and are doing means to me. I am not going to give up. I am not going to give up writing or trying or living. There is a lifeline that has helped me through a dark and dangerous time in life and it is you....all of you.
I have so many more Novels in my mind. I have more words I want to share and paintings I want to paint. I can see that now, because of what you all did and are doing. I want to keep using words to create and share.
I can hardly wait to hear from those who read Danny. I can only hope I have accomplished what I tried to do with the story and the book.
With more help from family I am able to get the medications refilled and today will be back on full doses. It will take some time to get back up and around. I am using the nebulizer machine breathing treatments. I am stopping in as often as I can and see all you are doing and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I confess I almost gave up. You did not let me.
The swelling in Albert's brain has decreased and it is like a miracle. Part of his hearing is returning and he can taste food a little better. Better than that, he seems unaware of how intensely aggressive and angry he had been. He asks me how Danny is doing and seems pleased about the books and writing again.
We will still be off line soon but I will not be gone. I will be alright and who knows what all I might be able to write and share when I get back.
I could not do a real book launch for Danny as much as I love the book and story. I could not talk about it, do interviews or share some insights to the different things within the story but will one day.
With so much help, support, and effort from so many I think of this as the launch that never ends. Every time I think of the book I will remember all that is being done to help me. Every time I think of the book I will remember to never give up. What a launch this is to give back to me more than promotion of a book but promotion of living life and not giving up. What better thing to share than love and care and a helping hand offered asking nothing in return but from the heart. This is the launch that will never end as I will always remember all that you all have done.
I may have rambled on telling all of those things from the past but the past seemed to come so intensely to the present to haunt and overwhelm me. I could see no way to find the light of the day instead of darkness and despair. It was more than one thing that finally made me feel like giving up. I came so close. I was ready to leave this life. All I have to do is quit trying.
Now I know I can not give up. The good Lord has more for me to do. I may not know what I am supposed to do, but will keep trying to do my best each day.
Thank you seems so inadequate.....but I do. I thank you.
You all did that for me. You gave me hope. You gave me heart. You touched a soul.
This took me days to write. Please read and RT and share 'I Confess...But I Will Explain'. I I wish all who are doing so much and helping could really know how much it means to me. Thank you. Thank you all
March 31, 2013
DANNY IS HERE….NOW… I May be gone soon but will be back
I have been so determined to get the novel Danny released by April 10. It is here now or will be by morning. If you want a book you can hold in your hands it is here now at CreateSpace eStore:https://www.createspace.com/4219992
The book is available also on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Danny-Linda-Nance/dp/1483950530/ref=la_B004PVDVR4_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1364778853&sr=1-2
The ebook is here too http://www.amazon.com/Danny-ebook/dp/B00C4K3EFW/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1364821468&sr=1-2&keywords=danny+by+linda+nance
For a short time only to introduce this book and celebrate it's arrival it will be priced at $2.99 for the Kindle edition.
I appreciate all of the input when I worked to do the cover. When I started I had seen some storm clouds overhead and thought how powerful the emotion was looking at them knowing what those storms can do. The wind came up quickly sweeping my hair back and cooling rapidly. I felt a shiver as a chill ran through me right before the drops of rain started.
I had continued to work with the idea of clouds and something looking down from them. In the book and the story Danny there is more than a person might think that is looking. It is watching. It is there waiting.
I thought of the idea of a child reaching out. If we felt so alone and lost, helpless and abused, what would we accept as we reached out for help. There is darkness beyond the hand of the child. There is light above and behind but a darkness swirling around that could consume or carry a person away.I had to decide on a color. Color can make such a change in the mood of a picture. I think it can create emotion. Blue is not only the color of the ribbon for child abuse and this month is Child Abuse Awareness Month, but it has a cold look to it in the cover. I hope you like it.
I think this is a story you will not soon forget. I believe it is one that will also bring to mind the consequences often overlooked or not thought of. It is a story of fiction but one hauntingly real in heart and feel. A young child trapped in a nightmare life had a special friend. His friend said, “You can call me Danny.” Danny was his only friend. Feeling alone, abused, isolated and lost, a young child needed someone. No one but Steven could see or hear Danny. Was Danny imagination, a friendly ghost there protecting, or was there more to this entity than anyone might suspect? Steven began to think Danny might be a Guardian Angel but angel or evil…only time would tell….. because Steven would tell no one and betray his friend and that friend was there to stay.
Tragedy and chaos, murder and an end to life as Steven had known, erupted in his household in the dark of night.
This is a story you will not soon forget. Danny is a story of a young child living a nightmare life of abuse and neglect. The pain of abuse at any age is one that has consequences. There are those who are stronger and live lives determined to never repeat the horrors they endured but there are others who survive in other ways. Feeling alone and vulnerable allows a person to be victimized even more in many instances.
Danny is a story of all that and more. There may come a day we suspect a person is being abused and want to help, finding it is more difficult than we dreamed. If we dare to care and not give up, one by one we might make a difference. If we make a difference for even one person, it may mean the world to that one soul.
The idea that there might be more things in this world than meet the eye or that we might be able to see and understand, can give insight to a story that will take you beyond the abuse into the world lived by this child. This is more than a story of abuse and survival. This is a story that may haunt you in memory but remind us of what there can be in this world. In this story you will know this child and feel from the depths of his inner-being instead of hearing his story. There may be a cold chill travel your spine as you begin to understand even more of this tale. We can call him Danny, but can we say who and what he really is?
I am so relieved to know that Danny is here and the book is a real book. I hope to be able to share the news but know that my time to be online will be limited as we are enduring some very difficult times after my husband’s accident. With no income we will have to wait…. But we will be back. We are not giving up. There have been a few times in this past month and some in the months before that seemed so impossible. I try to look for the bright side and keep hope but there are times it is very hard. In those times I heard from so many of you. You helped share my news and sent messages of hope, good will, prayers and cares and touched my heart. You all have helped more than you will ever know.
These are things I do not say lightly and will remember always.
I thank you. I thank you all. I may soon be gone from here, but will return. While I am off line I will write…… Who knows what I will come up with next? I will probably be here for another two weeks and hope to be able to tell all about this book I am so proud of. I still get tired easily. I am unable to sit here at the computer for long and having trouble with fluids. It will get better and I will just take breaks and come back as often as I can. I think I have been doing pretty good for the shape I am in and with all that life has presented. There is no way I could give up with so many wonderful people reaching out to us. Thank you. We both thank you.
We had such a good time at my first book signing.
I read my children's book to my grandson's class. I love the enthusiasm and interested in the young ones. I think I had as much fun as they did.
This is Albert and I hope he will soon feel well again and we can visit with the children and grandchildren. We can laugh and play and each day be brighter than the one before.March 14, 2013
Covers.....Help Me Pick A Cover....What One Do You Like?
I have done the covers for each of my books. There were times that I sat before a blank paper with watercolor paints ready and waited for the idea to come as I did with my own story of I Will Not Give Up...Not Today...Life Is a Journey. When I wrote the book I felt compelled to share a part of my own life with the hope it might help others to never give up. As I painted the picture I knew that was what I wanted but still did several more and asked some friends to see what they thought as I worked on them. I wanted the painting to share the feeling of the book with hope for the future.
I WILL NOT GIVE UP... NOT TODAY... LIFE IS A JOURNEY
viewBook.at/B00730UT6A When I did the story of the family who had to relocate to escape being homeless I knew I wanted to use one of my photos. I took the photo one day as we traveled down the road and the sky seemed almost ablaze with the color of the sunset. It took my breath away. I could see the lights of all the cars and thought at the time that every one had their own story, place they came from and place the go to. In the book the family goes down such a road not only to a new place but hopes a new life. Life has a way of throwing some obstacles in the way and problems are not always left behind simple because we travel to a new place. It is difficult for me to do the covers as I want to be able to help the readers feel the story but also share my art as well as my words.
LIFE GOES ON http://viewBook.at/B004XJ6U26
I thought my painting for A Tale To Tell worked perfect for a collection of short stories with a ghost in everyone. I hope to write another short story collection. Our children and grandchildren love a good ghost story and when we have a bonfire and roast hot dogs it is a part of the fun. That is something we love to do and hope when we get a bit better with our health and healing we can do it again.
A TALE TO TELL
viewBook.at/B007ESJ49YMy novel Journey Home will always have a special place in my heart. It is the first novel I wrote and I have heard from many they really felt as if the could see and hear the place, and feel the fear and emotions good, bad, intense, friend, foe, love and more. I painted three or four paintings and liked them all but none of them was the one. I looked at a painting I had done many years before for my father-in-law before he had passed from this life. In the novel, Lara finds that home is not a place you go to but a place in your heart. It is not always an easy place to find. The woman named Lara would have to find the truth and live through it if she hoped to find her way home. In my painting there is a path as there often is in what I paint. The path does not lead to a house. I hope it leads to where we need to go in life to find our way. I could share some of my art that had special meaning with every book.
JOURNEY HOME
viewBook.at/B0054GLX92 I painted this almost 20 years ago on a piece of typing paper with a children's 99 cent paint set. The sky was blended with a paper towel. My father-in-law liked it so much he had it framed and kept it on his wall until we lost him.
The Pumpkin Field has always been my husband's favorite, I think. He likes them all but that little book brings a smile not only with the story but the memories of why it became a book. When I think of the bonfires of the past I always think of this too. We had huge trees in the back yard that often dropped limbs. I could have asked the children to go out and clean the yard but I know how happy that would make them.... or...... I usually just told them I had some hotdogs. If I only had some sticks we could have a bonfire and wiener roast. The yard was cleaned in no time and with smiles all around.
When they were full and sitting, laughing and talking they often would want to hear a story. Our boys had come home from school complaining that they were having to study poetry and it was awful. All poetry was awful. I had to laugh and told them that poetry could tell a story.
My oldest son answered “Sure, a love story. Uck.” He made a face and sound to go with the comment.
I decided to write a spooky little poem about a haunted pumpkin field. I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to write it in a way that no matter the age of the person they could use the poem to relate to life in different ways and open communications with one another. It has always been fun and interesting as children and adults alike would share thoughts, ideas, hopes and even fears.
I realized all I had to do was the art work to make it a book a child could have and keep or a parent could give as a gift. Each page has full page art illustrations. When it was time to do the cover I found that one to be easy. One of the characters covers the book. I even have pages people can copy to use for their children to color and make their own decorations or books.
The Pumpkin FieldUS
http://www.amazon.com/Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=la_B004PVDVR4_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274016&sr=1-4
UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274072&sr=8-9Canada http://www.amazon.ca/Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274270&sr=8-9
France
http://www.amazon.fr/The-Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274480&sr=8-12
Germany
http://www.amazon.de/The-Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274610&sr=8-7
Italy
http://www.amazon.it/The-Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274676&sr=8-3
Japan
http://www.amazon.co.jp/The-Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274730&sr=8-8
Spain
http://www.amazon.es/The-Pumpkin-Field-Linda-Nance/dp/1461044812/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1363274544&sr=8-6
That brings me to this new novel. I have such a passion for it as I believe the story to be one that will be hard to forget and relate to things that happen more than we realize. A young child trapped in a nightmare life, had a special friend. His friend told him, that he could call him Danny. To read the first part of the book and get an idea of the feel of the story it is http://linda-nance.blogspot.com/2013/03/danny-novel-and-linda-author.html I thank you for all your help to choose the cover. I like them all and time is short if, I want to be able to finish the final edits and publish next month in the Child Abuse Awareness Month of April.
Was Danny a friendly ghost there protecting, or was there more to this entity than anyone might suspect? Steven began to think Danny might be a Guardian Angel but angel or evil…only time would tell….. because Steven would tell no one and betray his friend …. and that friend was there to stay.
Tragedy and chaos, murder and an end to life as Steven had known, erupted in his household in the dark of night.
Three young boys fled in the night. It was a night that would change their lives forever. If it was a new beginning or a new nightmare of a different kind, only time would tell….and we can not forget Danny. He would not want to be left behind. “You can call me Danny.”
I hope you enjoyed me sharing these things so near and dear to my heart. I also thank all who help me to pick the cover here and there for the new novel Danny. Here are the ones numbered to make it easy to tell the one you like the best.
I
March 6, 2013
S.H.E. Anthology... Something Special Filled With Heart
We can think of many book by many authors on many subjects, but what I have to share with you today, is something I think is special and filled with heart. Things are told that are born of pain and blossom into hope and healing in the S.H.E. Anthology. This is a book of many authors each telling their many stories. This is a book involving a subject of grief and healing, hope and survival, children and their hearts filled with fear and pain who go beyond that and grow sharing it with others offering empowerment and hope.
A majority the proceeds from the sale of this anthology will go to mental health institutions that address grief factors especially in children- our next generations of hope! Written by those who know first hand the pain of grief reaching out to others with their words. My blog is titled More Than Just A Story In A Book but this collection truly is more than just the stories in the book. This book is a story from the heart.
SPECIAL NOTE to the reader: Each blog about the S.H.E. Anthology has a unique excerpt to keep things fresh.
A book without a reader is like a day without sunshine.
Newton, Connecticut? Where is that? A massacre? Please, tell me you’re joking! At school? You have got to be kidding! Dumbfounded! I listened to the news about Sandy Hook Elementary! Who didn’t feel disheartened by that story?
Due to my experiences with many deaths in our small community within a short period of time, I felt that the kids and folks in that area might feel less alienated and alone if they were shown the light at the end of their tunnels. I wanted to help find a way to be empower the children and their community while revealing to them a HOPE that things can and do get better. I thought that town might enjoy rhetoric from kindred spirits. PLUS, I felt others including health care professionals might enjoy the same types of stories.
After pondering a bit, God illuminated my next step. Thinking of three books that I had partial copyrights to, I began compiling a book. Plus, I immediately had the title of an anthology in my mind- the S.H.E. Anthology. It’s NOT a romance anthology but it was written by females. In this book, the girls recollected traumas, mostly related to death, that they faced while in elementary school. Their stories reveal their path out of mourning along with many minor miracles that they encountered. Their tales of hope and inspiration are true accounts from those children turned authors. This book is meant to empower Newton as well as others that read it. The authors hope that this anthology sheds some new light on grief recovery in the minds of teachers, mental health professionals, and adults handling major life changes.
The abbreviation ‘S.H.E’ also refers to Sandy Hook Elementary. Isn’t God the best at setting up coincidences?
In one part of this anthology, there is some great insight into being the victim of death and childhood loss. Stacey’s Song is an intimate look at a ten year old girl’s personal story about the results of her mother’s cancer death. She, also, deals with the aftermath that includes her dad going crazy and committing suicide. Obviously, tragedies, such as the Sandy Hook Massacre, touch home with her. Stacey talks candidly about overcoming her PTSD. Her honesty in her writing is only surpassed by the miracles and guidance from God.
In the excerpt that follows, God taps into the young girl’s anger and pent-up grief. In the book, near the end of her teen years, an unexpected person brings closure to Stacey’s mourning. She meets the man that tried to save her father from his suicide mission, which turns out to be another blessing from GOD.
…while at work, I met a man, a police officer. His name is John. As we discussed orphans and life’s ups and downs, I discovered he raised and orphan, too. That is not what caught my attention. We actually shared a different bond. “How long have you been a cop?” I chimed into the ongoing conversation at work. “About twelve years!” “Oh, then you would not know!” I spoke thoughts. “Know what?” He prodded. “About my dad!” I added. “What happened to your dad?” “He committed suicide in 1991.” “Oh?” My coworkers and he questioned rhetorically. “Yeah, put the car on fire and died!” I finally spoke it aloud. “Where?” The policeman showed interest.“In this town!” I answered.“When?” He pursued. “I used to be a fireman!”“In 1991?” I questioned.After a strange pause, he calmly stated, “I pulled his body from the car that night, then.”My mind wandered around my first playground. The rope swing rested motionless because my soul decided to ignore its pleas to escape my current life, this time. My dungeons and their caretakers evaded my sight as well, which revealed my level of maturity and growth. Then, somewhere in the distance, fire engine sounds rang out. As a child, I’d run to grab the candy thrown from this Christmas decorated truck. That vehicle arrived, once a year; and I loved its sound. After dad died in the fire, his suicide method, I avoided all firemen, trucks, toys, and thoughts. Nothing convinced me that there existed any goodness in anything associated with fire. Today, life revolved full circle once again because this policeman witnessed it all. It never jaded him. At that moment, I thought about my mother’s last smile as Santa approached her window. The present is definitely the gift. I called Cindy immediately with my news. She wasn’t as surprised as me. Nothing sent from God surprised her anymore not even my chance to share my feeling about Dad’s death with another participant from 1991. It’s cathartic!
Is Stacey’s Son a mournful tune or an upbeat journey out of mourning? Read her full story in Stacey’s Song or in the S.H.E. Anthology .
Also, in that anthology, The Evans Terrace Girls give their account of what happened when 7 or more parents died within a year or 2 of each other in a small subdivision of about 110 homes. People started saying their land was CURSED. The children heard those rumors about their subdivision and were scared to death. Some of the children formed a group that became a club and led their neighborhood out of grief. An excerpt from their story follows. This next excerpt from The Evans Terrace Girls shows how good intentions encourage most people to noble acts that spawn random acts of kindness.
As the first members arrived at my house to be car pooled to the
shopping plaza, my mother pulled out the flyers as well as a poster.
Secretly, she made us a poster with huge black and blue letters stating,
“FREE POOL.” In smaller letters she wrote “safety flyers.” Her
homemade concoction was hilarious but potentially embarrassing. At
first, we expressed reservations about her artwork.
“This will get their attention!” She explained. “Who will pass up a
free pool?” My mother was serious about it being a useful tool to
attract people away from the video store long enough to offer them
the rest of the message or safety pamphlet.
“Don’t laugh,” Joy defended. “She is right! I’d stop for a free pool!”
The morning proved to be slow. Mia, Ann, and I sat on the sidewalk
discouraged. Suddenly, Mia began to sing her boredom away. “Drown
do be do drown drown,” She sang to the melody of a real song.
“Come on. Come on. Drown do be do drown drown.” Ann and I
hummed along at first, “Come on. Come on. Drown do be do drown
drown. Waking up will be hard to do....”
After that song, we made up other lyrics to popular melodies, “Um
bop, don’t drop, into your pool, stop...in an um drop their gone...” and
so on. Making up the best new words became a competition as
crowds from church finally started arriving for their brunch.
At that point, we begged people to take our flyers. Some people
humored us but then left the flyers of their tables as part of the
waitress’s tip. Others avoided eye contact as we presented out
pamphlets. One man got down right mean. After a conversation
begging him to take the paper, he said, “I work for a charity and can
get anything I need. So, I don’t need your flyer. No, thank-you.”
As he left, my mother muttered, “You may head a charity but you
have no kindness in your heart.” We heard her but he was too busy
wearing his lopsided halo to turn back.
Cars started arriving in the parking lot, which also serviced a grocery
chain. We held our poster high and tempted cars to come to
screeching stops as people read the words free pool. This prank did
attract attention. Some crowds did gather until they read the rest of
the poster. In the end, we handed out fifty flyers on our shift. Then, Joy
and Nicole arrived to relieve us.
Joy tempted fate by standing as close to the video store as legal. She
harassed people until they came closer to hear what her poster was
offering. Nicole asked how we did; she decided her group’s goal was
to meet or match our number. It was about that time that two people
came by to offer us money towards our cause. Since our flyers were
free, we declined the money.
As we stood hassling people, a manager from the grocery walked
right up to mom. We thought this meant that she was being scolded.
Watching for a minute, we noticed my mother was laughing. As he
left, we found out why this man went out of his way to leave his post
and greet our adult leader
. “The store offered us free cookies. All we have to do is tell them
that manager sent us,” My mother explained.
“Go get them now,” I yelped.
“We are hungry,” Joy added.
as a KINDLE @ http://www.amazon.com/the-S-H-E-Anthology-ebook/dp/B00B6C4NQ8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1361303178&sr=8-2&keywords=the+S.H.E.+Anthology
in other eBook formats @ SMASHWORDS.com @ http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/278511 The paperback version comes in BLACK & WHITE on AMAZON @http://www.amazon.com/S-H-E-Anthology--In-Black-White/dp/1482076225/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&qid=1359383172&sr=8-19&keywords=mchanson714Plus, the S.H.E Anthology is in color paperback format @ http://www.amazon.com/S-H-E-Anthology-Cynthia-Meyers-Hanson/dp/1481987100/ref=sr_1_18?ie=UTF8&qid=1359382582&sr=8-18&keywords=mchanson714So, come on buy to be inspired and help grieving children. It’s a WIN-WIN.By the Way, a copy of this anthology went to Newton’s public library as well. Other contact information follows. E-MAIL @ mchanson714@yahoo.com
TWITTER @ www.twitter.com/mchanson714 FB @ www.facebook.com/meyershanson My generic Blog is @ http://mchanson714.blogspot.com My SMASHWORDS generic link to all my eBooks is (they distribute to Sony, IBooks, etc.) http://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=mchanson714 ; This is the AMAZON generic link to all my Kindles and paperbackshttp://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=mchanson714My generic YouTube link to find my book trailers is http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mchanson714&oq=mchanson714&gs_l=youtube.3...515.2012.0.2231.11.11.0.0.0.0.125.842.9j2.11.0...0.0...1ac.1.8x1pyvuQsOY
February 19, 2013
CRIES FROM THE HEART
As I work on the final edits of the novel Danny I think back to when the idea first began to form for the book. There are complicated aspects I can discuss much later, but the idea of this novel still has a haunting reality. The book is fiction. The story is fiction. The problems are real. Abuse plays a part in the story of a young boy.
When we really think about child abuse and the consequences it can have, it is heart breaking. I wanted to research to have accurate facts sharing the information on the subject, but today I could read no more. Each little child has their own story. Each little life is affected by the life they lead or endure.
There are many forms of abuse and or neglect. Domestic abuse will tear at your heart. Spousal abuse, elder abuse, verbal and physical abuse and even abuse on the internet. A bully may seem harmless, but they bully others to gain power and do that with the hurt and harm their actions and words produce. It takes a bully to abuse another.
I do not have all of the answers to cure such a problem. I do feel that we first have to realize a problem exists. So many times it is difficult to stand up for what we feel is right. There are even times we suffer negative consequences when we do. What are the consequences to our hearts though, when we do nothing about something we know or feel is wrong? What are the consequences to the person helpless and suffering if the world turns a deaf ear and blind eye to their plight?
There are many kinds of consequences in life. The novel Danny is about a child who suffers in a home life filled with abuse and neglect. The consequences to him last a lifetime. Trying to survive in situations of suffering may result in various damages or responses. What happens to this child and what the results of his desperate attempt to survive is only part of the story. What happens in the heart, mind and soul is something much deeper than a simple story.
What happens to those abused is also more than a story. My book is fiction but there are real people and real children with cries from the heart suffering in many ways and often unheard, overlooked and unseen.
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month https://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/preventionmonth/history.cfm
I had planned to be able to release the novel Danny before the end of the year,but with some health issues and other difficulties I was unable to accomplish that. I wonder if maybe I was meant to wait, so that this book could help call attention to a problem that may be closer than we think. We never know when we might run across another who suffers and has no one to turn to. There may be a time for young or old that they have cries that go unheard. If we can find a way to take the time and the ability to see, it might make a difference. Even if it only made a difference for one, it might mean the world for that one person.
April will soon be here and be the National Child Abuse Prevention Month. I will continue to try to learn and eventually relate some of the things I find, but could not today. Seeing and hearing about abuse is difficult but realizing how much and to how many is heartbreaking. Knowing there are cries that will forever be unheard and lives that are not lived in the joy of the day but fear of the day as they worry to survive and endure leaves me without words. Knowing so many have died from the abuse of another is so wrong.
If you ask a blind man who has been blind from birth what he thinks of the beautiful colors of the setting sun, he will have no way to tell you or to understand what it is that you see. A person who has never heard sounds before, knows not the beautiful sound of the birds chirping in the early morning or music that touches the soul.
I hope we do not become blind and unable to see things around us because they are painful or difficult. I hope we never become mute with nothing to be heard for those who can not speak for themselves. May we have the courage to speak what we know is right. Even if we are simply taking the time to share a smile and kind word of encouragement it could make so much difference especially to the one sad, afraid or lonely.
I am going to work and find a way to have the final edits of Danny done to be released in April to help make others aware of a problem that may exist in many places and many people.
Danny is more than a story of an abused child. It is filled with so much more but deep within the heart of this child is the hurt and loneliness of abuse and neglect. I have shared the first chapter and hope to soon post more of the book before it is published. I hope you will enjoy seeing what is to come and sharing this story of a boy you might never forget.
