Betsy Lerner's Blog, page 12

I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You

I want to respond to yesterday’s post because I hear the frustration about querying agents. As I see it there are three hurdles: the first is generating a list of appropriate agents, the second is the query letter, and the third is judging the material you’re sending. I’ll address #1 tonight. In my opinion, the best way to target appropriate agents is through the website Publisher’s Marketplace ($25 per month). You can search publishing deals by genre. Let’s say you’ve written a memoir, you can search memoir and you will see a long list of sold memoirs, a brief description of the memoir, and the name of the agent who repped it. You can then google that agent, read about him or her, and see what her submission requirements are on her website. You can pull a very targeted list together. Other ways to get names: ask published friends for referrals, go to writer’s conferences and meet agents, look in the acknowledgment of books you like and see if an agent is thanked.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when writers send me projects that our outside my area of expertise such as horror, self-help, how-to, erotical, fiction, health & wellness, parenting, etc. It’s a waste of my time, but it is a colossal waste of time for the writer. As I’ve often said, it’s a rejection you don’t need in a landscape pock marked with rejections. You wouldn’t go to a divorce lawyer if you need help with a house closing. You wouldn’t go to an oncologist for congestive heart failure. You see where I’m going with this. Take the time to research the agents you want to target.

How did you find your agent and/or how do you look for one?

Hey There You With the Stars in Your Eyes

I received a query letter today from a man who acknowledged that I don’t handle fiction, but wanted to send his novel for my consideration anyway. He had a feeling that I would love it. Most people who send me fiction clearly haven’t bothered to look at the description of my interests on our agency website. At least this guy went to the trouble of ascertaining my preference before not giving a fuck. This is a multiple choice question: why did the man do this?

a) a victim of magical thinking

b) arrogance in the extreme

c) I’m special; the rules don’t apply to me.

d) my mother thinks I’m beautiful and brilliant

Divert art.com

Tommy Can You Hear Me

Is it the same things if I say I read a book, but I listened to it on audio? If I said I had sex with Keanu Reeves, but I watched Point Break ten times. Is it the same? If I eat four pieces of pizza, can I count it as two on my tracker? I feel that if I’ve listened to a book on tape, I have to come clean and not pretend I read it. Reading is sacred. Difficult, challenging, engaging, intellectually and creatively stimulating. There is nothing interpreting the words for you in a book except your own sense and sensitivity. Your own intellect and imagination. I love audio books but they are baby sauce.

What’s your take on audio books?

Sooner or Later It All Gets Real

When I was younger and people said TGIF I was like WTF. I knew I would never be the type to live for the weekend. If anything, the weekends were my personal nightmare. Am I a workaholic or do I just like to work all the time? Smelling the roses is overrated. If I have no plans on a weekend, I’m thrilled that I can work all weekend. Even the dog is like, can you fucking walk me? Can you take a break? There are people who will tell you that on your deathbed you’ll never wish you spent more days at the office. Blah blah. Work is my church and state. Gorgeous day? Who gives a shit. Friends in from out of town. Duck! Work is easier than life.

What are you doing this weekend?

The World Was Moving She Was Right There With It and She Was

HindustandTimes.com

Here’s what’s going on. I have to get off the meds I’ve been taking for thirty years because its causing kidney failure. I’m not writing this hooked up to a dialysis machine, it’s not that bad yet. But I have to go off the meds and try to find something else if I want the contain the damage. Except for shredding my organs, Lithium pretty much saved my life and I’m more grateful than upset. My relationship with Lithium has lasted longer than more marriages. It stabilized me, gave me a floor and a ceiling. I’m not happy with the idea of finding a new drug but for once in my fucked up life, I’ve decided to be positive about the change.

Can your attitude affect your outcome?

You Make a Grown Man Cry

Allthats interesting.com

The four horsemen of the apocalypse: marketing, publicity, social media, events. Almost every author I talk to says, I’m bad at marketing. I’m bad at publicity. I hate social media. You get the picture. My hero P.T. Barnum said, “Do you know what happens if you don’t do any marketing?” A beat. “Nothing.” I think authors don’t realize that they need to do the heavy lifting. They need to treat their book as if it’s a new store and it’s their job to get people to come in and buy something. I get that you can’t be good at all of it, but you can get good at something. If you’re as charismatic as me, you’re going to want to set up your own tour and get out there. I spoke to thirty or more bridge clubs with the Bridge Ladies. I sent them letters, offered my talk for free if they sold books at the event. I hired students and fed them beer and pizza to cull the list of bridge clubs with contact info. Non-fiction is easier in many ways, but there are more than one way to skin a cat. (I actually think there’s probably one or two ways tops.) If you want to sell your book you have to go way outside of your comfort zone.

Where is your comfort zone?

Hanging on in Quiet Desperation is the English Way

I’m gonna say something really unpopular. Getting published sucks. It’s like running around the town square with a paper bag on your head and your pants pulled down for as fast as you can for 2-6 weeks and then it’s over. And that’s if all goes well. You have this dream of getting published. You believe the angels will sing meaning people show up your reading, reviews praise your prose, you have a meaningful conversation with an NPR host and some jaunty repartee with Steven Colbert or Bill Maher. There’s no handbook, no counseling, no support group of people in a circle of folding chairs admitting they are powerless over words and their lives had become unmanageable.

What’s your dream of being published?

Which Started the Whole World Living

I went to the 110th anniversary of Poetry Magazine over the last two days. An incredible line up of 11 poets were awarded the Ruth Lilly Poetry Prize. I was not an honoree in case you jumped to that conclusion. I was there a sturdy Plus One to my great friend Patti Smith. Just want to say, if you need a Plus One think of me. I’m really good at it. Sandra Cisneros was there. Nikki Giovanni, Sonia Sanchez, and Rita Dove. Respect! I thought a lot about why I stopped writing poetry when I finished graduate school. I’ve never come up with a satisfactory answer. Though being in close proximity to those poets made me see something of what they have that I don’t beside a penchant for flamboyant style. They do more than write poetry, they live it.

What’s your relationship to poetry?

But It Wouldn’t Be Make Believe if You Believed In Me

warnerbrosfandon

A doctor asked me what keeps me up and I said, me. I keep me up. I do email and tiktok and instagram and facebook. Before that I watched late night TV. And movies in black and white. And before that I made wild passionate love all night. And before that I wrote in my diary, pages and pages about being lonely in one form or another. Poetry & before that I braided my hair. I bought a green jacket with blue piping with a silk lining and tiny daisies. And before that I cried in my crib. Inconsolable. Same difference.

What keeps you up at night?

Wild Geese That Fly With the Moon on Their Wing

Much gratitude for all the good wishes. Could I have done it without you? Probably. But this little blog, which I started in December, 2018 has been a lifeline, a needle in the vein, a poke in the eye, a kick in the pajamas, it’s been friendship, inspiration, irritation, and a guilty mess. It’s a lot of bad grammar and typos and dangling martinis. I can’t tell y’all what y’all mean to me. I found my voice here, or a voice, a persona that looks like me at seven in other words adorable and chubby in all the right ways. Yes, body acceptance begins where? I wrote when I couldn’t write. And that, I think, has made all the difference.

Are you writing?