C.D. Taylor's Blog, page 5

5 Easy Steps to Add Positivity to Your Life

With so much negativity in the world it’s a wonder we all aren’t locking ourselves in a dark closet each day while rocking back and forth. You can’t turn on the television without wondering what the heck has happened in this world. So what is one to do when it seems like negativity has infiltrated your mind? When nothing causes you to look for the silver lining in anything whatsoever. I have several things I could share that I do to help my positivity blossom like the flower I know it is. But today I will share my five most important ones. And yes, I do these things to perk myself up and keep my head on the right track. I am a generally positive person, but even the most gleeful of individuals seem to get down every so often. Me included. I hope maybe some of these help you in your daily struggles.

Let’s begin….

First of all, life sucks. There’s no way to sugar coat it. Bad things happen that cause us to wallow in self-pity and blame ourselves for the various things that go wrong from day to day. So the number one thing on this list is to tell yourself that you are not perfect. Yeah I know, how can telling yourself you aren’t perfect be positive, right? Well it can. If you continue to hold yourself to this impossible standard that you’ve been doing, there’s no wonder you’re starting to have dark days. So let’s face it. You my friend are not perfect. You are never gonna be so let’s get that out of our head right this instant. See? I bet you’re feeling better already. Let’s move on.

The second thing I like to do when trying to up the positivity level in my little world is to remind myself of who I am. To do this you must find a mirror. Okay, okay. So you don’t like mirrors I get it! I’m not fond either, but this is essential in finding who you are. Are you with me still? Good. Now, I want you to sit in front of the mirror and really look at yourself. Who are you? I will tell you right now that you are more than just a face with some hair on top your head. You are this amazing creature that has been created for a purpose in this world. You are made like no other. Doesn’t that make you feel good? It does me! To know that there is no one on this planet like me is astonishing. It makes me feel positive in the sense that I have such an individuality about me.

Now, let’s get to some more. The third thing is really important. Surround yourself with other positive people. We all have a Debbie Downer in our lives and we know when we are around this person, we feel like we’ve just been run over by a very large vehicle. Negative people are what I like to call “fun sponges”. They literally suck the fun and positive things right out of you. They want you to have a crappy day so they do their best to make everything around you suck. But it doesn’t have to! Stop hanging around those type of people. It can be tough when it’s someone really close to you, but don’t be afraid to tell them to take a hike. They don’t deserve to be in you positive space. Only Positive Polly’s are allowed in my space.

Leave yourself little notes of encouragement. Sound dumb? Not so much. Post-it notes are a blast to have around the house. Write a little message to yourself. “You’re Beautiful” “You’re amazing” “You Rock!” As human beings we crave encouragement. We want to know that someone cares about us and notices us. Well why not let that person be the one you see every moment of every day…yourself.

Last but not least. Look around you. Are their things you aren’t noticing that you should be? Did your child do something great at school and you happened to overlook it because you were too caught up in your own issues? Letting small moments pass you by will lead to a lifetime of negativity. You’ve more than likely heard the saying “Stop and smell the roses”. Oh how true it really is. I stop and smell everything. I admire the things around me like I’ve never seen them before. I pick up things as I’m walking just to feel them in my hands. It reminds me that I am still alive. So stop missing the things you should by sitting back being negative.

Life has a funny way of working itself out no matter what the circumstance. But while you’re waiting for it to work out, just remember to breathe.

C.D. Taylor

Bombshell Film Review: Gone Girl(2014)

Bombshell Film Review:

Gone Girl

Among being Author I am also an extreme lover of movies. My taste in film is all over the place ranging from romantic comedy to gory murder flicks. This past weekend I decided to take a chance on a film that has been garnering rave reviews from mover goers and critics alike. What is the film you ask? Isn’t it obvious…Gone Girl, directed by the masterful genius of suspense David Fincher. You might recognize some of his other work such as Fight Club, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and Seven. This man is nothing if not a director with a vision that most couldn’t begin to comprehend. Some of his work has become cult classics with fans and followers spanning the globe. I would know, I am one of them. Now this movie might not appeal to some but for me it had special meaning. The majority of it was filmed just twenty minutes from my hometown, in Cape Girardeau Missouri. You might be saying “Who cares, movies are filmed everywhere.” And you’re right, they most certainly are. But here’s the deal, nothing like this ever happens around here, it’s the Midwest after all. How often do you have an Academy Award winning Actor strolling the streets and using the same gym that you do? Of course I’m talking of the sexy man himself, Ben Affleck. For the time the entire crew was in town shooting this movie, that’s all anyone talked about, myself included. In fact I was able to catch a glimpse of the stud while driving by a scene they were shooting one day. So cool. But what makes this film so special? Sure it’s based on a NYT bestselling novel by Gillian Flynn, the cast was pretty high profile and as I said, the director is a genius. Do those things alone make it special? Probably not, well, not by themselves they don’t. Put every factor together though and you have a movie that is worth the two and a half hours you spend with your eyes glued to the screen waiting for the story to play out.

Synopsis: On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri, it is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and reservations are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears. Husband-of-the-Year Nick isn’t doing himself any favors with cringe-worthy daydreams about the slope and shape of his wife’s head, but passages from Amy’s diary reveal the alpha-girl perfectionist could have put anyone dangerously on edge. Under mounting pressure from the police and the media—as well as Amy’s fiercely doting parents—the town golden boy parades an endless series of lies, deceits, and inappropriate behavior. Nick is oddly evasive, and he’s definitely bitter—but is he really a killer?

I know what you’re thinking…not another mystery thriller. Trust me I was skeptical as well. But being the inquisitive person that I seem to be, I had to check it out. I decided to make a date night out of it with my wonderful husband. We enjoyed a nice dinner, a couple adult drinks and lovely conversation before handing over our tickets to the bow tie clad attendant in our local theatre. It was only fitting that we see this movie in the theatre of the town it was filmed it, after all, I like novelty things like that. The place was decorated for a Los Angeles worthy premiere complete with red carpet rolled out, women and men dressed up and backgrounds for taking memorable photos. Once we were in the lobby we were motioned to the theatre and stood in line for a few minutes before being let in. My hubby of course was shocked, he’d never had to stand in line for a movie. I have, yeah I was a Twi-hard with the whole Edward and Bella craze. When the line started moving though I became excited. The atmosphere was buzzing with individuals such as myself waiting to see the work of art on the big screen. Was it packed? Hell yes it was! Every seat in the place was taken, bodies crushed against each other like sardines in a tin can. But I forgave all of that. When the previews were over though, the entire room became hushed and everyone plastered their eyes to the giant screen in front of us.

The opening title scene was set to a backdrop of the Mighty Mississippi River, the same place where I’ve stood many times with my husband and child, just watching the barges float by. The music score was hauntingly beautiful which could only be expected from the musical virtuoso Trent Reznor. You might know his work from other David Fincher films but you might also know his talent in a little band named Nine Inch Nails. Yeah, he’s that guy. The camera captures fleeting shots of the city as if you’re in a car passing by everything. But it’s when you see the face of the main character Nick Dunne (Ben Affleck) that you get this sense of foreboding starting to play out. Nick and his wife Amy (Rosamund Pike) have been married for five years. The story starts unfolding on the day of their anniversary where you can sense that something is “off” with Nick. He ends up at The Bar, which he co-owns with his twin sister Margo Dunne (Carrie Coon), who by the way is not a fan of Nick’s wife Amy. Amy is a trust fund baby from NY. The couple moved back to Missouri after Nick’s mother became ill with cancer. Amy supported her husband by moving halfway across the country but something was amiss. The threads of their marriage start to unravel when Nick comes home to find his wife missing, small dots of blood around the house and a scene in the living room of broken glass and upturned furniture. Becoming worry some he contacts the police. Now we all know in real life when a wife goes missing, the husband is suspect number one. That’s what happened here as well. Ben Affleck did a sublime acting job of portraying a character that had a total lack of apathy when it came to being concerned about his missing wife. This brought on suspicion from the authorities. Searches began, a hotline and website set up and Amy’s parents flew in from NY to help aid the search for their missing daughter.

******SPOILER ALERT! ******

But Amy wasn’t who everyone thought she was, including me. Amy liked to leave clues and play games. But this time her game was one of revenge against her husband. Why would she want revenge you ask? Easy, he had been having a secret affair with a much younger woman. A year and a half affair to be exact. So Amy decided to screw him over the same way he’d done her. She set him up. She left clues leading to fact that Nick had killed her. She left blood evidence, a detailed diary which she’d been working on for years and then she skipped town. Amy was smart. She covered all her basis and hatched a maniacal plan to send Nick to face the death penalty. But what she didn’t count on was Nick being just as clever as she was. He figured out her plot and turned it around on her. I won’t say how because I don’t want to totally spoil it for you. But let’s just say it was yet again a stroke of genius.

So here’s my review: The casting of actors and actresses in this film were brilliant. They each brought the story to life in a way that was almost too real. They made you believe that they could be someone you’d know personally. I honestly couldn’t think of anyone doing a better job at portraying these characters than this cast. Tyler Perry was as always amazing at playing a high profile attorney, Neil Patrick Harris was superb at playing the creepy ex-boyfriend with issues and Carrie Coon was perfect for the role of Nick’s smart assed sister Margo.

The actual filming and cinematography was beautiful as well. It showcased the historic downtown of the Cape Girardeau area, the old buildings, the new bridge and the Mississippi River. They couldn’t have found a better locale for this film either. It was an excellent choice in my personal opinion.

As far as thrillers go, this was definitely in my top five. It had an edge that left you scratching your head when you left the theatre, wondering to yourself if you’d just experienced the biggest mind-fuck of the century. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure I did. And that is why this is an excellent film. It messes with your head and leaves you talking about it for days afterwards. You’re still trying to figure things out while thinking “could someone really do that?” The scary part of this movie was the fact that indeed, this movie could’ve been based on a true story if it had wanted to be.

In the spirit of rating films, I give Gone Girl 5 Bombshell Stars. If this movie doesn’t generate Oscar buzz I will be shocked. It literally has the potential to grab many awards during the upcoming awards season.

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s….”

Anatomy of an Author

Have you ever sat down to read a book and wondered to yourself “what is it like to be an author?” You immerse yourself into the pages, getting lost in a fictitious story and think to yourself that it must take a strange individual to create the stories you enjoy. Each book that you read finds its own way of grabbing you by the hair and not letting go until the very last word. You follow your favorite authors on social media, posting their teasers, quoting their books and re-tweeting them. You, in a sense become interested in what their life is like? Is it glamorous? Do they have paparazzi trailing them around in the grocery store like the popular celebrities on television? What do they do when they aren’t putting words on paper?

I’d often wondered the above things, many times actually. I had this preconceived notion that all authors were these darks souls that needed a bottle of anti-depressants just to make it through a day. That they were loner introverts who shied away from any public attention at all costs. I could picture them sitting in a locked room, dust particles drifting through the air while they sipped a tumbler full of whiskey and penned away on their latest work. They rarely showered, combed their hair or took care of themselves in any hygienic manner. I mean, they had to be like that right? It took someone of doubtful mental stability to write some of the works we see on the shelves of our local bookstore. It wasn’t until I found myself in writing that I realized I was sorely mistaken in my assumption. No, authors aren’t smelly alcoholics who live under large stones in the Pacific Northwest. They are real people. People who write because they have something to say. They are creative, thoughtful and downright amazing individuals who are changing the way we think, one book at a time.

My love for the written word was discovered in my teenage years. I found that I could express myself through the form of poetry. I wrote poems about love and friendship, generally fluffy stuff that made me feel good inside. I was happy when I was writing something. I think I’d always known I wanted to become an author, but there was a problem…I didn’t know how. I tried many times throughout my life to write something more epic than just a few lines of rhyming poetry. Each time though, I came up short. I think all along I knew that nothing would come of my efforts, so I did the one thing I knew well…I gave up. I transferred the numerous incomplete manuscripts to the computer recycle bin and hit the delete button. I was disappointed in myself for doing so, but deep inside I knew I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have what it took to make my dream come true. However much of a let-down it was, honestly, I am thankful for the fact that none of it worked. It took quite a while for me to realize that I did have what it took though, the only think lacking was the confidence in myself that I could do it. So I did.

I don’t really have a definite explanation as to how it all began. But I do remember literally picking up my laptop one day, opening a new Word document and could see my fingers gliding over the keys in a perfect symphony of literary love. I worked day and night to pen what I thought was the greatest book on the planet. But here’s the deal, I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing. I kept it a huge secret. It wasn’t that I was afraid of someone trying to steal my ideas, no, I was actually ashamed of what I was doing. Not because I chose the Erotica genre to write, but because I didn’t know what sort of reception I’d receive from those closest to me. Would they think that I’d gone off the deep end? That I was now the one with the tumbler of whiskey who had become unsociable? I couldn’t risk them thinking any of those things because I wasn’t those things. I was outgoing, engaging and a bit of a social butterfly. I didn’t want them to think I’d changed. It wasn’t until my husband discovered my work in progress on our shared laptop that I decided it was time to tell someone my hopes and dreams. My fears were quickly laid to rest when I revealed everything. I found that everyone in my life was completely supportive and very much surprised. That gave me the rest of the confidence I needed to keep going. To continue on the path that I’d decided to travel on.

After completing my first book, I jumped into the world of self-publishing. I didn’t have the funds to hire an editor or proofreader, so I took on those tasks on my own, thinking I could do as good a job as anyone else. I watched as my book hit the market, and held my breath. I smiled every single day because I’d done it, I’d written a book and it was published. Then, the true reality of what I’d done hit me when I started to read the reviews that were being posted online. “This book falls short” “It was a good concept, but that’s it” “Needs an editor” “So many spelling errors, this author needs a proofreader”. My heart was shattered. I failed. I took on everything by myself and had fallen short once again. My tears began to flow, my stomach hurt, and my entire world felt like it was crashing down around me. How could those people be so cruel? How could they rip apart my work like that? Did they not have feelings? Were they just searching for a reason to bash something and I was the victim? I didn’t know if it was worth it to have to read something like those reviews. I was defeated and lost.

But was with all things in life, those reviews didn’t kill me, they made me stronger. They showed me that there was room for improvement with my writing. And I think I knew that when I hit the publish button, I just didn’t want to admit it. So I pulled on my big girl panties and decided that I wouldn’t let those reviews kill my dream, I would use them to get better. I think there are learning experiences in everything we do. We just have to step back and be willing to take those lessons to improve ourselves. To this day I am thankful for the positive and negative reviews that I receive for my work.

Fast forward to a few years later and I have accomplished more than I ever dreamed. I have a wonderful publisher, just released my first book again, which was completely re-written and edited. I have met so many amazing authors who, like me, have been through the ringer. We are not dark souls hiding from the world, we are normal people with big dreams. We think differently than most, our brains rarely shut down, and we live on caffeinated beverages for the most part. Sure we have our dark times in our lives, who doesn’t? But we use those experiences to create books. We take our own lives and give you a story based on parts of it. We can make you laugh, cry and get hot under the collar just by reading the pages of our work. We can make you long for a lost lover, want to commit murder, and learn to love your family deeper than you’d thought possible. Authors have the power to evoke so much emotion from our reader that it seems as if you’re living the life of our characters. That’s what we are about.

Oh and about the paparazzi…we like to imagine they are following us through the grocery store. But in all reality, it’s just another customer that has mistaken us for a grocery store employee.

C.D. Taylor

Check out my newest book “Our Second Chance”

Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and iTunes

Cooking: Skill Level…Oops is that a FIRE?!

I’ve always been envious of the talented chefs on the Food Network. I mean look at them, they can flawlessly prepare a meal that looks more like a work of art then something that should be set on a dinner table. The crazy thing is, they don’t even seem to break a sweat while doing it. I used to sit for hours watching them, Paula Deen, Bobby Flay, Rachel Ray, they were at one time, my heroes. I thought to myself “I could cook like that.” But I was sadly mistaken. Cooking is not easy. They say it’s a labor of love, but I consider it a labor of insanity. You stand over something heated, hoping that maybe, just maybe, the individuals you’re preparing said meal for will be eternally grateful.

I will start with saying that I don’t really cook. My expertise extends to Ramen, bacon and Hamburger Helper. I have cooked enough hamburger helper in my 34 years on this earth to feed a third world country for the next thousand years. It wasn’t as if my Mom never taught me to cook, she did. I just didn’t care to put the effort into most of it. In high school when all of the girls took home economics and food service classes, I went the opposite direction and took wood shop and welding. I wasn’t at all interested in how to property assemble a salad bar. I know the basics of making a salad anyway…open bag, dump salad in bowl, pour on an entire bottle of ranch dressing. See? Easy peasy. I found that it was far more engaging learning how to fuse 2 pieces of metal together with a welding rod, and to nail things together. My bird houses and bird feeders were amazing by the way. I think I wanted to break the mold back then. The whole “women should be in the kitchen” thing was unnerving. Women could be anywhere they wanted, including accidentally welding metal to a bench that it shouldn’t have been. Okay so I wasn’t the best at the whole “Women can do anything” either.

Now that I’m married and have a family though, I kinda wish I’d put in the effort to learn how to cook. To be honest, I’m really surprised I haven’t killed anyone or given them a mad case of the back door trots with my cooking. Yeah I know there are tons of cookbooks that will teach me the art of this, but trust me, unless they have a magic spell in there, it ain’t happening. I tend to cause mayhem when I take on something like that. I’ve even managed to catch a cookbook on fire. Oops. I’ve been burned numerous times, dropped an entire lasagna on the floor and even forgot something in the oven until I looked in and couldn’t even recognize what it was I was cooking. Was it bread? Who knows. I think one of my biggest disasters was zuchinni bread though. I was so proud of how it smelled, looked, wow it was perfect really. Everyone was stoked to take a bite, and so was I. That is until I did. How does one forget the sugar? That was just one example of my kitchen chaos.

Kitchen appliances don’t care for me very much either. I’ve found myself running through the house with a flaming toaster in my hands…hey, I didn’t know there was a damn Lego in it. My Kitchen Aid mixer decided my makeup was too shiny so it blew flour all over my face making me look like an albino. I swear I walk into my kitchen and everything in there starts to snicker and plot. I can’t be the only one who has this problem though. Surely there are more cooks like me in this world who called their mom crying because there was “a strange bag of body parts” in the ass of the chicken, right? Or people who break out into a cold sweat at the prospect of cooking rice. I’m convinced that I should apply for a job in a sushi place, I make the best damn sticky rice you’ve ever seen! And I seriously cannot be the one solo person who has literally scooped out a wad of spaghetti noodles and thrown them against the cabinet to see if they stick…and then put them back in the pot. I hate to admit this, but my poor family has eaten more floor groceries then they know about too. 5 second rule? Nah, as long as the dog hasn’t gotten to it before I have…we’re good.

Maybe if I focused on it I could become a great cook. Maybe I  could be like Paula Deen with her 9,000 sticks of butter or Emeril with his “BAM!” in everything. But for now I will sit back and celebrate the fact that I haven’t needed the assistance of the fire department yet.

C.D. Taylor

I hate you!…No wait, I love you!!!

 

 

 

 

Does parenting get any easier? I mean seriously, come on! I wake up each day hoping that maybe my child will have turned in his devil horns for a halo, but alas, this has not happened yet. Is it my fault? Am I just a terrible parent?

Let me give you a little insight on what I’m dealing with. I have a soon to be 10 year old son. Yeah I know, please feel sorry for me. He has the strongest will of any kid I’ve ever seen. He loves to sass me, I swear his ears do not function properly, and holy cow he is nuts! But let me stop right there. I love my son with my heart and soul. He is the light of my life(even though the light is often blinding).

Here’s the deal, I honestly didn’t want children, my son was a complete surprise. When I looked down and seen 2 pink lines on that damn stick, I nearly fell in the floor and started having convulsions. I was trying to think of the nearest staircase to fling myself down. Okay I know what you’re thinking…”OMG she is terrible! How could anyone say that about the magical creation of life”. Well you can suck it if you think that. I know I’m not the only woman on this planet who thought of downing a bottle of battery acid just to get out of the 18 year obligation I’d inadvertently gotten myself into. But here’s the thing, my mind did change when I looked into the screaming face of my son when he slid out of my whale like body. He was perfect, no, I mean it, he really was. His head was round, his eyes blue, and he had a mullet…yes I said a mullet. All 6 pounds, 12 ounces of him were utter perfection. He was a great baby too. Slept at least 12 hours a night, he laughed and smiled…it was heaven. Then he got older! Now I am faced with a human being that thinks the world revolves around him. I have become that mom who hides when she sees the school bus driving down the lane at 3:05 pm. The mom who begs the school to cancel Winter break because it would “be beneficial to the students”. And the mom who pushed a rather large   chair in front of her bedroom door to keep the monster out. My son pushes my buttons like no other. He tries to bargain with me about EVERYTHING. Would my life have been easier without him? Probably. But would it have been as fulfilling?  No, it wouldn’t have. Even after the days I feel the need to bash my own skull in with a hammer, I still find the wits to step back and show him how much I love him. 

Some say that if a child is a great baby, they will be a nightmare when they are older…IT’S TRUE! I’ve become accustomed to being screamed at, told “NO!”, and the occasional “I hate you!”. I’ll be right up front and tell you that in the beginning, being told that my child hates me was brutal. I took it to heart much like I do everything in my life. But then I sat back and thought of the times I’d said those same things to my Mom. Either she wouldn’t buy me that Barbie I wanted, the clothes I thought I had to have, or wouldn’t let me sleep over at a friends house. Now that I see it all in writing, I was horrible for telling my Mom that. Here’s the thing, I really didn’t realize how much I needed my Mom until the threat of losing her to breast cancer became real. I watched her go through chemo, lose every hair on her body and become so sick from it all. It was a huge wakeup call for me and my selfishness. My Mom was the one who read to me at night, who helped me pick out a prom dress, who showed me what love truly meant. She is the person I look up to most in this world, my Mom is without a doubt my hero. I am happy to say that she beat cancer, and she is still a force in my life to this day.

It makes me wonder if my child will feel that way about me someday too? Will the efforts I make in his life shine through? Will he grow up to be the amazing man I know he can be? But most of all will I get to see those things happen? I can’t answer any of those questions. But I do know this, there is nothing in this world like a Mother’s love. It’s the bandaid on a broken heart, a cold glass of lemonade on a sweltering summer day, and a blanket in the blistering frigid air. Each time I see my Mom I hug her, kiss her cheek and tell her that I love her. Not out of habit, but rather respect and admiration. So I don’t know if my parenting skills are up to par, or if I make the right choices when it comes to my son, but I do know that beyond a shadow of a doubt , I love him. I’m sure tomorrow I will be faced with some new dilemma about my skills as a parent, so for now, I take one day at a time and say “I’m doing the best I can.”

C.D. Taylor

Forgiveness

I sit back and think of the areas in my life that need the most improvement. The things that I should work on to make me a better person. The one that always comes to the forefront is my willingness to forgive. As a human being I am engineered to hold a grudge and resent situations before I evaluate them and try to forgive. I spend countless hours plotting revenge to those who have wronged me, when what I should be doing is forgiving these people. I waste so much time wondering how I could make their lives miserable, when all it would take is three little words…”I forgive you.” So what is forgiveness? If you look up the definition there are various meanings but each of them have one word in common. “Stop”. Which we all know means to put a halt to. But in this world we live in, stopping something is unheard of. We don’t want to stop what we’re doing, we want to go as far as we can and damn the consequences. When driving a car, stopping can mean the difference between getting safely to our destination or ending an innocent life. Why don’t we think about this in regard to not being out of a car? Sure the situation we are facing might not be as dire as taking a life, or can it? Could it be that the situation is taking part of your life and killing it? Non-forgiveness takes a piece of your soul that you will never get back. It seeps into the cracks of your heart and poisons you until you are left gasping for air. Too much anger and resentment will kill a person over time. It will invade parts of you that you can’t begin to fathom. How do I know this? I have made myself a victim of it, that’s how. I have made the choice to hold a grudge until I cannot sleep at night, until there is nothing else on my mind but the thoughts of extreme anger.

So how do we forgive? It seems simple, but for most it’s not. We think that forgiveness is just picking up the phone and telling someone we forgive them. But what about ourselves? Shouldn’t we pay attention to that? Indeed we should. Letting go of hate is a task that requires the ability to reach within ourselves and pull that hate from the depths of our soul. To look it in the eye and tell it that it no longer has a place within us. It takes an extreme act of strength to take on this beast. Because it will fight you like a dragon, it wants to stay inside of you and reek havoc. Will you let it? Will you continue to welcome it to breathe its fire inside of you, burning your heart until there is nothing left but anger?

I have personally been forgiven for a lot of things in my years on this earth. I have intentionally wronged people, I have stabbed others in the back and I have most importantly, done harm to myself. I told myself that they deserved it, that they were worthy of my wrath. But I don’t get to make those decisions do I? I don’t get to judge others and dish out the punishment. So my penance for my actions was begging for forgiveness. When the time came, I was on my hands and knees begging for the people in my life to take mercy on me, and show me more kindness than I’d showed them. They didn’t have to, but they refused to hold anger, and decided to forgive me. For that, I am grateful. I know very well that they will never forget my transgressions, and neither will I. But I will use the experience as a lesson to not let myself slip back into that pattern again. They will use them to show me when I am beginning to slip.

We think we are strong by holding steadfast to our resolve. But it takes a stronger person to open up and forgive than it does to hold a grudge. So this is my vow. I will work on my forgiveness skills. I will be the bigger person and show others how it’s done. I will empty my soul instead of filling it up with hate from now on. I will ask for forgiveness when I see that I’ve wronged someone. But above all else I will start to realize that I am only human. I will make mistakes, I will fall short. But I will no longer fault myself for every little thing that goes awry. I will forgive the one person that deserves it the most in this world…Myself.

 

Intentional Acts of Kindness

 

 

 

If we look up the definition of the word kindness we would find this meaning: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. How many of us actually consider the above definition as we go about our lives? Do we give thought into the meaning or do we brush it aside as we travel from point A to point B? I suppose I find so many examples of unkindness in the world we live in. The little things that I see around me that could’ve been tweaked just a bit to make someone’s day go smoother tend to unnerve me in a way that causes me to pick up the slack of others. Truly though, I don’t mind. My parents taught me how to be a good person, to do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. I carry those values with me each and every day of my life. Have I always been a good person? I would be a bold faced liar if I said yes to that question. In fact there was a time in my life where I was the most self centered, egotistical and materialistic human being that walked the face of the earth. I took what I wanted without regard to who I hurt in the process. I placed such a high value on owning the most expensive items and held my nose in the air like I was the queen of everything. So what changed? Life did. One day my eyes were opened to the things that I did, showing me that ultimately I was headed for a path of extreme disaster. I woke up and found out that the world doesn’t revolve around me which was the hardest lesson I’ve had to face in my life.  I was given the chance to change, to turn myself around and to start living the way I was supposed to. I took that opportunity and ran with it. I ran so far that I left my former self behind and created a new me. A me that I can look in the mirror and be proud of. There are still days that I catch myself slipping back to the person I used to be, but I am smart enough now to avert the danger. When the alarm sounds, I act.

When you look back and realize that the ones you love have tire tracks all over them from you running them over, you know it’s time to make a change in your life. The main thing that I decided to fix was my kindness. Being kind to others is something that is taken for granted all too much in the society we live in. We bump into a stranger on the street and keep walking like nothing ever happened. But what does it hurt to stop and say “I’m sorry” or “Pardon me.”? It hurts nothing to be kind in a simple way such as this. I know I’m not the only one who has been in the checkout line at the grocery store and seen that person standing behind me with just a couple of items in their hands, when here I am with a cart full of stuff. It would be so easy for me to pretend I don’t see that person, but I’m just not built like that anymore. Sure it may take me a few extra minutes to give up my spot to that stranger, but what would I be doing with that extra time anyway? I would be standing there waiting for the employee to ring my items out. So I often motion the person ahead of me. The reaction I get 9 times out of 10 is one of shock from the stranger. This makes me wonder if kind things just don’t happen anymore? Have we given up? When did we throw in the towel and stop caring about our fellow human beings?

Not too long ago I was in a gas station with my 9 year old son. We popped in for a couple sodas and a snack and while we walked in, these 2 adorable little girls went into the store ahead of us. They were headed to the cooler for drinks just like my son and me, and they made it to the checkout before us too. The older of the girls dug around in her cute little purse and pulled out a handful of change and proceeded to make sure she had enough. I couldn’t help my reaction, I knew I had to do something, so I did. I told the cashier that I would pay for their drinks. I grabbed the drinks and handed them to the girls and said “These are on me ladies.”. I don’t know if they had enough change for their stuff, but it didn’t matter to me if they did. I wanted to do something for them. The girls looked at me in shock, like I’d given them a new puppy or something and said thank you. After paying for everything my son and I got back in my car and drove away. My son asked from the back seat “Mom, why did you pay for their drinks?” and this is what I told him…”In this life there has to be balance. Unkind people to kind people. We choose which one we are. Someday when those girls are my age, they may be standing right where I was and see 2 little girls and remember the kindness I’d done for them all those years ago.” It’s my responsibility as a parent to instill values into my child. I can’t expect him to go out into the world and hope to find these things. If I want him to learn, I have to teach him by example. I don’t know if my son will grow up to be a kind and generous person, but I can at the very least know I did my part in showing him how.

So here’s my challenge to everyone. Look around you, do you see an area of your life that could use tweaking? Maybe its a streak of selfishness, a small piece of materialism or even a lack of generosity that could use improving. We all deserve a second chance and for life to give us a break sometimes. So think about others needing a break too. Think about the fact that you might be having a rough day, but out there somewhere is someone who has lost everything. They don’t have a home, or a car. They don’t know where their next meal will come from or if their son or daughter will make it home from Iraq alive. If it’s nothing more than a “Thank You” to someone then do it. Extend some form of courtesy to a fellow human being and you will be blessed for it.

 As human beings we tend to be set in our ways and refuse to change. Change is scary, but not changing is even scarier.

C.D. Taylor

 

  

My First Kiss Went a Little Like This…

I think every female has the idea of what the perfect kiss should be right? We dream of locking lips with our man and coming away with that certain “WOW” factor, but are we prepared for what really happens when we take that step in a relationship? Sure it isn’t sex, but isn’t kissing a vital factor in whether a relationship will work or not? Kissing is an intimate act that can make or break a relationship. It’s the one thing that will tell you if your prince charming is really a slobbery frog dressed in designer jeans and a crisp polo. Yeah some frogs can be trained to kiss like a prince, but most deserve to be tossed right back into the swamp from which they came.

I completely realize that not all first kisses can be equal to the likes of Noah and Allie in the Notebook, but who doesn’t like to be kissed while sopping wet, with lightening threatening to turn them into a crispy fritter? But alas, real life is far from the scenes we fantasize about on the big screen.

As a young teenager I practiced kissing on my hand like most. And let me tell you, my hand was a very good kisser. Passionate, playful and just the right amount of tongue…uh finger? Okay yeah, it’s weird I know. But come on, I’ve never claimed to be “normal”. I would turn out the lights at night and pretend that my hand was this amazing guy who was perfect in every single way. But unfortunately reality hit me hard one day. The first time I was kissed didn’t exactly measure up to what Mr. Hand was doing to me at night. In fact, I would proclaim to say it was the worst kiss in the history of kisses. Let’s set the scene…

It was my very first date, 8th grade. I shall not name names but he was nice enough. His aunt took us out for dinner and a movie. He held my hand the entire time which was weird for me because I hate being touched. But that wasn’t the worst part, believe me. When his aunt dropped me off at home that evening, my date decided to lay one on me. He didn’t warn me, he went in for the kill like he was trying to find the secrets to the universe and they were buried down my throat. I’ve never had so much saliva forcefully enter my mouth on any occasion except for that one. I didn’t know what to do! So being the unexperienced teen, I just held my mouth open and let my date swab my mouth with his slobbery tongue. GROSS ME OUT! Yeah, we totally broke up not too long after that incident. It just wasn’t happening, he was a frog.

So came the day I met my now husband. I’ll be honest, in the beginning he was about the same as the first kiss. More controlled chaos of course, but he was bordering on froggy too. But I was learning that with all things “men”, you have to train them. What a revelation that was. Men need direction in life and women were put on this earth to direct. Don’t argue this point, it’s completely valid, I promise. Over the years I’ve trained my husband to kiss like a prince. He’s actually amazing at it too if I do say so myself. Of course we often laugh about the times when his tongue was trying to do the cha cha and mine was needing more of a rumba but at least we can joke and play about it. The only thing I don’t look forward to is the day when we are old and grey with dentures to get in the way. Who knows, we may be wearing each others teeth at that point.

So remember, kissing is a great judge of things in the beginning stages of a relationship. You can weed out the frogs and hopefully find your prince. But if that fails, just use your hand…it never talks back. :)

Our Second Chance Cover Reveal

 I am so stoked to reveal the cover for “Our Second Chance” an erotic romance novel. I have to give a virtual fist bump to my designer Greg Simanson for bringing my vision to life with his stunning work. Our Second Chance will be available for your reading and whatever other pleasure you’d like on August 11th 2014. ;-)

 

Our Second Chance by Author C.D. Taylor is a tale of forgiveness, redemption, and love. It demonstrates how the power of healing can strengthen the bond between family, friends, and lovers.
Emily Mills lives a life of opulence and luxury in Los Angeles but can’t shake the feeling that there is something more out there for her. It isn’t the picture perfect life her social circles expect and she knows something is missing. Unwilling to let happiness be a distant wish, she boards a plane to chase her dreams of becoming a lawyer in New York City. It doesn’t take long for her past to reappear with her former best friend from college, Jake Bradford. Knowing the feelings she’s held for Jake all these years, she still tries to convince herself that she isn’t worthy of any sort of love from him. Conceding to a fraction of her desire, Emily strikes a deal with Jake to become steamy friends with benefits. Soon her passionate bond with him turns out to be way more intense than she expects and she finds herself wishing her emotional scars didn’t rear their ugly head and destroy everything she’s worked for.
Can Emily forgive herself and those who had hurt her in the past to become the person she knows she can be? Or will the roadblocks in front of her cause her to make the decision to run like she’s been doing most of her life? Book 1 of this thrilling new 3 book series will leave you panting for more and cheering for second chances.

 

“Do you believe in second chances?”

Join us on Facebook, twitter, and right here for the launch of this steamy love story!!!

 

 

What are you Nutell-in’ Me?

I know I’ve touched on one of my addictions before, but I think it’s fair that I share another. Nutella. Seriously I would like to kiss the person that invented this stuff! I swear it was sent down from heaven, and carried in by cherubs singing in harmony. Now, if you don’t like this wonderful creation, I advise you to click the back button on your browser and find some more grumpy cat pics to fancy. This is not for the faint of heart. In fact I will reveal some personal things about myself here that may make some cringe, but others rejoice. So buckle up buttercup.

Now, we all know how the majority of the female population enjoys chocolate right? It’s a PMS staple in most homes, it can essentially end conflict overseas and it will turn an angry person into a delightful human being in mere nanoseconds. It’s that damn special. So, when you mix the deliciousness of chocolate with the tantalizing flavor of hazelnuts, you get a product that will make your taste buds stand up and do the cha cha. Well, mine do anyway. I’ve went to great lengths to enjoy this flavorful treat, I’ve hid jars of this angelic substance in various places in my home and I’ve almost cried when I realized they carried it in a gigantic size at my local warehouse store. Don’t worry though I carry tissues for just that reason now. I’m not even ashamed to say that I’ve even woken up in the middle of the night and created a spoon-sicle out of it. Yeah you know what that is…you dunk the largest spoon you can find in the jar and pull out what is the equivalent to a chocolate spread lollipop. Don’t deny that you’ve done this, there’s no reason to be ashamed guys. You can’t control all of your urges.

But moving on with this discussion of all things Nutella, I must also admit that I’ve conjured up so many vehicles for which to slater this perfect food on. Bread is of course the number one. Hell, Nutella is the reason I buy bread! Is there any other reason? I think NOT. But consider this, what goes best with chocolate? Peanut butter! Oh yeah, you’re drooling now. One slice of bread has peanut butter, one has Nutella, you slap those two slices together and you have a perfect marriage of amazingness awaiting your tasting pleasure. Or what about this…you look around to make sure no one is looking, and when you’ve decided that you’re good, you dunk your finger in the jar and pull out something that is more beautiful then the most expensive diamond. Ahhh, I’m salivating at the thought. I’ve put it on crackers, carrot sticks, celery, smores, in my coffee, cake icing, and so many more things. I’m even convinced that I could spread it on a flip flop and it would taste good(but I haven’t tried that yet).

And I guess since Father’s Day is upon us, I should tell a story involving Nutella and my Dad, right? Yes I have one. Back in January I had back surgery, I was cooped up in my house about to go bat shit crazy. One day my parents show up and my amazing Dad pulls out an industrial size jar of Nutella. I can still remember the feelings that washed over me. Glee, yearning…I broke out in a hyper sweat. My pupils dilated, my pulse kicked up to warp speed and I imagined I had cartoon hearts in my eyes as well. It was a beautiful moment between a father and daughter. We hugged, I thanked him for his generous offering…then I told my parents to scram so I could have a moment alone with my prize. And what a moment it was. I sang soft tunes, I stroked the label with gentle caresses and then I cracked that bitch open and ate half the jar in less than 30 minutes. It’s truly a carnal pleasure.

So as a warning, if you ever see me with a jar of this stuff in my hands, it would be in your best interest to back away slowly and make zero eye contact. Just look at the floor, don’t say a word and go back the way you came. If I see you violating my Nutella stash, I will promise you that they will not be able to find your body. There is no level of crazy I won’t reach when this stuff is within a few miles of me. But no worries guys, I do share…you can have the imposter Hershey’s spread!