H.B. Berlow's Blog, page 17

Starting Over

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Believe it or not, there IS a difference between a transition and simply starting over. For example, if you move from one apartment to another or one house to another, that is simply a transition. You have to figure out where everything goes and maybe the cats have to find new hiding places. The same thing with a new job. New co-workers, new systems, but you were hired because of your same old skills.

A relationship is something different. To call going from one relationship to another a transition is to belittle all the parties involved. People are unique and different and deserve the respect of individual consideration.

But what about writing? When are you transitioning and when are you actually starting over? Of late, I have felt more like the latter. A few examples:

After completing a four book historical fiction series, I was diligently at work on a new series. I outlined and researched meticulously. I had already gone through three drafts after doing everything possible to make this first entry as real as possible. It was then my existing publisher indicated to the historical writers in their stable that historical fiction would be just that. There would be no reference to real people, real places, real events.

Now, I was not about to go off the deep end and rail against this “injustice”, especially after four books which they lovingly published. Nevertheless, I was not going to alter my vision nor diffuse my passion for this new series, which was designed to be closer to home than anything I had written before. Therefore, I am seeking out a new publisher for this series, or starting over.

I recently had the good fortune to attend the OWFI Writers Conference live after three years. The 2020 event was cancelled; the 2021 was totally virtual. It was like a family reunion, at times feeling as though we all picked up right where we left off, continuing a sentence or conversation from three years prior.

Yet, despite the enormous joy at seeing old friends and attending some insightful sessions, I had an underlying feeling of awkwardness, perhaps because it was the first major social event I attended since the start of the pandemic. An overwhelming feeling of starting over.

The Pre Conference workshop was a unique open mike. I chose to read a poem written nine years ago that referenced events in the Boston Poetry Scene from over twenty-five years ago. Reading it aloud made me feel as though I might have prematurely abandoned writing poetry. Additionally, I attended a session on playwriting by Frank Steele, a talented writer and old friend. Along with a second place finish in the play/script category of the OWFI Writing Contest, I had to remind myself I majored in screenwriting and had a minor background in theater in high school and college.

I have not lost the intense compulsion to write. I don’t think I ever could. But the past two years have been largely about surviving a world of health uncertainties and deep divisions. And what it might take to get back moving forward on solid ground, at least in a literary sense, is slamming on the brakes and take a good look at my surroundings.

To move headlong into the same genre or even the same discipline might be setting me up for malaise and boredom. As I grow older and closer to retirement, I need to maintain an unrelenting interest in all that I do at a keyboard. I need to keep a challenge before me to work through, around, or over. I need to know that I am capable of great creative things from now until the very end.

That might mean needing to start over.

Why I am considering being a hermit (but probably won’t)!

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How is it that an outgoing individual, an extrovert, a self-described “people person”, could turn inward and consider being a hermit? I suppose there are many factors, some of which can be traced over the last two years, some for nearly forty, and, well, others relating to approaching sixty.

I distinctly recall March of 2020, being told my job would be working from home. My inquiry as to whether this was optional was met with a resounding ‘no’, but most believed it would only be for three weeks, four at the most. Well, a year goes by and I made it through technical issues and the preliminary shock of what the pandemic meant. I actually got used to working from home, reveled in it.

By the same token, my wife was still going to work and I left the house to go grocery shopping and to the liquor store on Thursdays. (They offer 20 percent off on wine!) Initially, my comments about how infrequently I left the house started off as a joke, a cute comment. Then, the reality set in that I was no longer a part of the world. On top of that, no one at the job acted in the best interests of the employees, only the best interests of the company.

Depression? Social anxiety disorder? Some other psychological malady? Yeah, sure, whatever you want to call it. But, you add on the divisiveness regarding vaccines and mask usage, absurd claims about the election, “The Big Lie”, and you realize the true nature of those you thought were close to you. Family, friends, even those people referred to as ‘friends’ on Facebook or other social media.

A new job put me right in the middle of the real world. I was back in an office (thankfully NOT a call center), and adapted and learned a new industry. You still have to consider the entirety of the pandemic impacts most industries. Compassion and empathy are hallmarks of good customer service. But after being in that field for forty years, those qualities have a tendency to melt like wax on the surface of the sun.

Throw in the approaching sixtieth birthday. No, there’s no fear or age-related issues, other than an eagerness to retire. My aspirations of, say, twenty years ago, to travel, for example, have evaporated, largely because I don’t want to go on a plane or a cruise ship to get to a destination which would have previously been considered fascinating, but is now saddled with restrictions and limitations.

The activities that have gotten me through this mental morass have been writing and culinary creations (i.e. sausage making, baking, using the smoker, etc.) When I consider them, I think “I can do this by myself. I can do this alone. I don’t want to be around people and risk being threatened by someone who was once close to me. I don’t want to be forced to justify my beliefs. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

And then, the one activity that has been with me the longest, the thing that defines me because it allows the greatest expression of creativity — the writing — necessitates immersion in the world. I write about the world around me, the world I interact with and experience, the people of all ages, genders, creeds, beliefs, the good AND the evil.

For me to withdraw from that would force me to stop writing. Consequently, there would be no definition of “me”, in essence, forcing me to cease to exist. The choices I CAN make to maintain balance, equilibrium, and some measure of sanity are:

Seek out those who comfort me by their intellect, humor, and compassion.

Avoid engaging with those whose only purpose is to break me down.

Recognize all the components of the world for what they are intrinsically.

Make no judgement but suffer no fools.

I foresee the pandemic ending but relationships destroyed. I will eventually retire, and I will choose how I live. There is no avoiding turning sixty, but I can dictate how to live my life.

There is a lot more bread to bake, more sausages to make, more stories to write.

I am still here.

Food for Thought. Words of Wisdom.

For several months, I’ve been collecting articles on writing, writers’ perspectives and advice, word usage and etymology, and in general, anything fascinating for me as a writer to peruse. Some are profound; others merely entertaining. I hope you will enjoy these as you continue your literary efforts.

What’s needed is magic: Writing advice from Haruki Murakami

Schadenfreude without Shade

Jamaica Kincaid on How to Live and How to Write

10 Famous Book Hoarders

6 Famous Writers Injured While Writing

Lauren Groff on Blending Research and Imagination in Historical Fiction

This is the Most Bizarre Grammar Rule You Probably Never Heard Of

How Stephen King’s Wife Saved Carrie and Launched His Career

14 Colonial-Era Slang Terms to Work Into Modern Conversation

8 Great Novels That Take Place Over the Course of a Day

25 Words That Don’t Mean What They Used To

The Notorious Legends and Dubious Stories of 10 Literary Deaths

Just as you would at a buffet, pick and choose what pleases you. Keep dreaming and keep writing.

FIVE WORDS – PERCEPTION

Too often, this word is associated with “belief” or “opinion”. When someone says, “Well, that’s how I perceive it.” For the purposes of this post, and coming from a writer, I take it to mean something closer to “visual input”.

We have to be able to look at the world around us, not just as it is, but as it was prior to our relationship with it, as well as what it could be beyond us. An item that you see must be more than it exists in terms of form, material, and usage. Now, you might get some disagreement from Gertrude Stein whose “A rose is a rose is a rose” relates to the Law of Identity.

And, perhaps, artistic types do go overboard at times, creating obtuse and abstract personal symbols which the reader (or viewer) cannot possibly relate to. I look back upon some of my poems from thirty years ago and realize I need a copy of Bulfinch’s Mythology just to understand what I wrote.

By the same token, perhaps we need to try harder to look upon the everyday things we see in order to perceive them under different circumstances. When I lived in Boston, I had the same walk to work for close to a year. And yet, I made every effort to look at my journey in a different way as much as possible. Sometimes, I would focus on the ground. Often, I would look up at residences and businesses whose buildings were utterly fascinating from both an architectural as well as historical perspective. Naturally, I looked at people, without staring or being invasive.

What we see and hear and smell in a simple walk informs us as human beings. Without a deep-rooted inquiry or interview, there is so much we can deduce from the world around us if only we take the time to do so.

FIVE WORDS – LANGUAGE

Perhaps it is disingenuous to put this word in a list of words. I mean, after all, isn’t this just like saying, “There’s not just five words. There is ALL words”?

Well, the truth of the matter is the word “language” for me encompasses more than just words. There is dialect and slang, etymology, and the differences in word usages among the various languages. For example, Spanish has two distinct words meaning “to know”. One references “knowledge” and the other is an indication of familiarity.

I was once advised that reading foreign novels or poems is solely dependent on the quality of the translation, especially if you are not fluent in that language. What is enhanced, or missed, by a good translation or a bad one?

Whether it is verbal or written communication, language is the primary tool, the machine by which a thought or concept is enunciated. In order for that thought or concept to be properly imparted, the speaker or writer must pay absolute attention to language.

We use expressions in a willy-nilly fashion. Telling someone you will be with them “in a second” is not a true expression of time. With regard to potato chips, asking someone if you can have “one” is likely not an accurate numerical request.

Arguments or even wars can occur due to imprecise communication. The mid-20th century English case of Derek Bentley who used the ambiguous phrase “Let him have it” comes to mind.

Therefore, we must pay strict attention to the sounds and meanings and nuances of language. We must educate and intrigue and, yes, even provoke. The Tower of Babel may have divided us. It is our goal to reunite us.

FIVE WORDS – COMPULSION

Several years ago, I had a discussion with someone I just met. We were discussing my writing, how I started, and how I progressed. It was she who said the word that has stuck with me like a Siamese twin.

Writing is my compulsion.

For the life of me, I can’t imagine NOT writing. I cannot visualize a scene or imagine a circumstance in which I would not sit at my office desk at some sort of a keyboard, and compose a short story, poem, novel, essay….SOMETHING!

Gardeners get their hands dirty. So do chefs. Writers keep their hands busy. And their minds and their eyes. And all their senses. Writers are writing even when they are not at their keyboard.

Henry Miller said, “Writing is its own reward.” Certainly, while I make every effort to publish and promote, I fully understand the sentiment.

Fulfillment comes when I am doing what I truly feel I was born to do. I try desperately not to shirk my human responsibilities. But I’ll be damned if I ever attempt to divert myself from the thing that drives me the most.

FIVE WORDS – CREATIVITY

Some people give me too much credit for being a writer, claiming I possess a level of Creativity that they aspire to. What most people do not realize is that blessed state exhibits itself in people in forms other than the Arts.

Sure, it’s easy to look upon a painter or sculptor, a musician or actor, and proclaim their Creativity. But the landscape architect and pastry chef, the interior designer and graphic artist, fall within that realm. Even the person who decorates their home or plants a vegetable or flower garden is imbued with Creativity.

We place too much importance on the glamorous aspects without focusing in on what it really is. To me, being creative is largely looking at possibilities that others do not see. It is recognizing what can be, selecting the appropriate tools, and committing a bold act of transformation.

Bringing forth something special that was not there prior is the utmost act of Creativity. Further, we have a tendency to believe that something must be permanent in order for that act to be considered special. I guarantee you the young child who builds a phenomenal snowman, with sticks for arms and stones for eyes and a carrot for a nose, will proudly show his parents and not be overly dismayed when the spring rolls around and the snow melts.

I have long stopped considering my place in the future or anything resembling a legacy. When I write, I hope merely to entertain. The feeling I get from that is deeper and more profound than anything I know of on this Earth.

FIVE WORDS – SOLACE

As a writer, my basic tools are Imagination and Words. In this series of blog posts, I want to discuss five meaningful words as they relate to writing and my life as a writer.

There aren’t a lot of people who have not experienced troubling times, depression, down moments. It might have been due to the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, or something as simple as a bad day at work.

Some people turn to booze or drugs, religion or spirituality, or exercise. There are countless ways that we pull ourselves up and out of the difficulties we encounter.

For me, certainly at this point in my life, it is writing. Sitting in my office, no music, no other distractions, this laptop acting like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean, I lose myself in the world of writing. There were countless times when, as a young man, I would “emerge” from a session as though coming out of hypnosis. I suddenly realized I was very hungry or thirsty because I didn’t stop for nourishment. Time had passed, often an entire afternoon.

These days, on the weekend for example, my wife might ask when we plan to have our Happy hour before dinner. (I do the cooking.) I look at the clock and speculate another thirty or forty-five minutes. A sudden realization that I’ve gone past my promised time puts me in a frenzy to wrap up and begin the evening.

I get lost in other worlds, the ones of my own creation. And while taking a brief respite from Reality, all is well. I have commiserated with the main character from the book. I’ve walked around his neighborhood. I marveled at his adventures.

I always return to the Here and Now. But for a spell, I have found a special kind of peace!

THE CRAFT, PART 5 – EDITING

Editing. Just the word seems to make writers gasp, pant, sigh, moan. We tend to feel like Paul Newman from “Cool Hand Luke”, digging dirt in one area and continually being forced to move the dirt to another and another location. At times, the process might just make us feel so attached to the piece that we never want to get done. Or, by contrast, end the process before it is complete and leave errors of both typography, grammar, and logic.

That being said, it is a necessary part of the craft of writing. If baking bread was simply laying out flour, sugar, salt, yeast, and water on the kitchen counter, everyone would be a baker. But, there is the mixing, the kneading, the rising, and finally the baking. Leave out a step and the entire thing is incomplete.

In prior posts, I have discussed my own process regarding editing. I work, shall we say, in reverse. My writing process is quicker, perhaps due to an urge to simply get the story on paper. I may have 50,000 words after the first draft but the revisions flesh out the character, plot elements, dialogue and description. Eventually I wind up between 65,000 and 70,000 words.

Most writers begin with an excess amount of words and have to scrupulously determine what to excise. In either case, the editing process means paying strict attention to character development, the logic of plot, and grammatical syntax. For me, this means a minimum of four total drafts as I focus on each component as I go through.

Again, there is no exact method for editing. One of my guidelines is if I’m still interested in the story, if I still find it fascinating after four or five drafts. At the very least, I know I started, and finished, with a good story.

The craft of writing is something that instills pride in a writer. Whether your motivations are literary or financial, knowing you have applied yourself to a tale that you desire to tell and have produced a worthy product is highly satisfying.

THE CRAFT, PART 4 – DIALOGUE

What we don’t say is as important as what we do say. Things never mentioned, things left out, whether there is intention or not, reveals character and plot. Someone says ‘I love you’ at an inappropriate time, or doesn’t say it all. Someone referencing something they couldn’t have or shouldn’t have known. Someone confessing.

There are times when dialogue can appear to be an info dump but they really aren’t. At the conclusion of a murder mystery, especially a cozy mystery, you might find the detective has gathered the suspects in a room and slowly and painstakingly reveals the solution to the crime. At times, the extended monologue might be broken up by a question or bit of business the writer puts in to avoid it appearing to be a thesis.

However, the more impactful dialogue comes between characters well before the end. Word choice, dialect, even tone, can reveal personality, education level, class level. In this fashion, dialogue should be filtered down to an essence, i.e. the most important things passed between characters. If you wind up discussing brands of toothpaste, you will not be moving the plot along and will subsequently lose your reader.

George V. Higgins was a former deputy assistant Attorney General for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. His crime fiction is largely dialogue with a smattering of exposition to bridge the gaps. For him: “Accurate dialogue is not a verbatim transcription of things said but an imaginative recreation in compressed form.” In this segment from his debut novel The Friends of Eddie Coyle, a down on his luck errand boy for gangsters is meeting a young gun dealer named Jackie Brown:

“I understand.”

“You don’t understand the way I understand.”

“Look…I tell you I understand. Did you get my name or didn’t you?”

“I got your name.”

“Well, all right.”

“All right nothing. I wished I had a nickel for every name I got that was all right, I wished I did. Look at this…You know what that is?”

“Your hand.”

“I hope you look closer at guns’n you look at that hand. Look at your own goddamned hand.”

“Yeah.”

“Count your fucking knuckles.”

“All of them?”

“Ah Christ. Count as many of them as you want. I got four more. One on each finger. Know how I got those? I bought some stuff from a man that I had his name, and it got traced, and the man I bought it for, he went to M C I Walpole for fifteen to twenty-five. Still in there, but he had some friends. I got an extra set of knuckles. Shut my hand in a drawer. Then one of them stomped the drawer shut. Hurt like a fucking bastard. You got no idea how it hurt.”

There is a clear sense of geography (the novel takes place in Boston) as well as the generational difference between the two.

Good dialogue can replace extended exposition. Take the following sequence from Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep when Marlowe first meets General Sternwood:

“Tell me about yourself, Mr. Marlowe. I suppose I have a right to ask?”

            “Sure, but there’s very little to tell. I’m thirty-three years old, went to college once and can still speak English if there’s any demand for it. There isn’t much in my trade. I worked for Mr. Wilde, the District Attorney, as investigator once. His chief investigator, Bernie Ohls, called me and told me you wanted to see me. I’m unmarried because I don’t like policeman’s wives.”

            “And a little bit of a cynic…You didn’t like working for Wilde?”

            “I was fired. For insubordination. I test very high on insubordination, General.”

            “I always did myself, sir. I’m glad to hear it.”

We learn about the detective’s and the client’s background in a brief exchange. It sure beats a lengthy biography.

The following are 10 tips for writing dialogue:

Say the dialogue out loudCut small talk when writing dialogueKeep your dialogue brief and impactfulGive each character a unique voiceAdd world-appropriate slangBe consistent with the characters’ voicesRemember who they’re speaking toAvoid long dialogue paragraphsCut out greetingsShow who your character is

NEXT: THE CRAFT, PART 5 – EDITING