C.J. Redwine's Blog, page 6
March 11, 2013
Workshops & Signings & ARCS, Oh My!
Some fun things are going on this week & next, so I thought I'd give you a quick update.
1. Today is the last day to register for my online How to Write a Killer Synopsis workshop. (You can still register for the Query Writing 101 workshop which starts next week and includes 3 critiques of your query.) You don't need a finished manuscript for the synopsis workshop, and it's helpful for writers at any stage in the publishing journey. Go here for details.
2. This Saturday I'll be doing a group panel/signing with Katie McGarry (whose book Pushing The Limits I recommended to EVERYONE last summer after I read it. Have you read it? No? GO FORTH AND READ.) and Kristin Tubb (whose amazing Autumn Winifred Oliver Does Things Different changed my approach to how I include sensory detail in my manuscripts and who has a super fun new book out!).
We'll be at Parnassus Books in Nashville (Green Hills) at 3 p.m . Bring your questions! Get some signed books for yourself or as a gift! Say hello so we know we aren't talking to ourselves! (Although we're perfectly capable of that!)
3. Are you a reviewer who'd love to get your hands on an ARC of Deception? Harper Collins has asked me to post a form for all ARC requests. Check the tabs along the top of the blog for the ARC REQUEST tab. As always, Harper makes all final decisions on where to send the ARCs and has to date been amazingly impervious to bribes of chocolate and Jeremy Renner.
I know. I'm as shocked as you are.
1. Today is the last day to register for my online How to Write a Killer Synopsis workshop. (You can still register for the Query Writing 101 workshop which starts next week and includes 3 critiques of your query.) You don't need a finished manuscript for the synopsis workshop, and it's helpful for writers at any stage in the publishing journey. Go here for details.
2. This Saturday I'll be doing a group panel/signing with Katie McGarry (whose book Pushing The Limits I recommended to EVERYONE last summer after I read it. Have you read it? No? GO FORTH AND READ.) and Kristin Tubb (whose amazing Autumn Winifred Oliver Does Things Different changed my approach to how I include sensory detail in my manuscripts and who has a super fun new book out!).
We'll be at Parnassus Books in Nashville (Green Hills) at 3 p.m . Bring your questions! Get some signed books for yourself or as a gift! Say hello so we know we aren't talking to ourselves! (Although we're perfectly capable of that!)
3. Are you a reviewer who'd love to get your hands on an ARC of Deception? Harper Collins has asked me to post a form for all ARC requests. Check the tabs along the top of the blog for the ARC REQUEST tab. As always, Harper makes all final decisions on where to send the ARCs and has to date been amazingly impervious to bribes of chocolate and Jeremy Renner.
I know. I'm as shocked as you are.
March 5, 2013
New Online Workshops!
It's been two years since I offered an online workshop. I've been teaching at conferences and writing retreats instead, but this month I decided to offer my popular How to Write a Killer Synopsis and my Query Writing 101 workshops. Space is limited, and I've kept the workshops very affordable.
For in-depth information on both workshops (including how to get a discount by registering for both!) go here.
For in-depth information on both workshops (including how to get a discount by registering for both!) go here.
February 25, 2013
I Really Should Start Paying More Attention ...
1. I had a busy week last week, mostly because I was trying to fit seven days worth of stuff into five days because I attended a writing retreat over the weekend.
2. We all know I can't leave my house without doing something absent-minded or ridiculous.
3. Usually because I'm almost always somewhere else inside my head while I try to live real life, and that often blows up in my face.
4. My week was fine until I left the house to drive to the retreat. I had to stop by Target for my contribution to the weekend's menu and then by Dress Barn to find a pair of non-denim, non-yoga pants to wear at my daughter's dedication on Sunday and to an upcoming reception for the Nashville literary community. (Although, let's be honest ... any reception for a literary community will probably include at least ONE pair of yoga pants in attendance ...)
5. I think my mistake was in stopping at Target first. Why?
6. Because the automatic doors ruined me for all other doors.
7. Ruined me.
8. Need proof?
9. I walked into Dress Barn, grabbed the first pair of nice black pants I saw, purchased them, and then headed for the door. I had a two hour drive ahead of me, and I was already running a little behind. I had no time to waste with browsing or dressing rooms.
10. I was focused on leaving.
11. Sadly, I should've been focused on HOW to leave.
12. I walked toward the front doors like a Boss. I had it timed just right. Slow enough to give the sensor for the automatic door time to realize I was coming, but fast enough to hit the doorway right after the glass obligingly got out of my way.
13. The problem?
14. Dress Barn doesn't have automatic doors.
15. You'd think since I had to manually open the door to enter the store that I would've realized this, but alas. My mind had left Dress Barn the second I'd finished purchasing the pants. My body was simply trying to catch up.
16. I closed in on the door, and some small presence still lingering in my head (instead of thinking through my route and running over the workshops I was scheduled to present) said quietly, "The door isn't opening."
17. I didn't slow down.
18. The voice spoke louder. "The door isn't opening. It ISN'T opening."
19. The rest of my brain, yanked rudely from its contemplations, said "Huh?"
20. At this point, I was maybe twelve inches from the door.
21. My brain blinked, looked around, realized the danger, and screamed, "ABORT! ABORT!"
22. But as is usually the case with me, physics, my old scientific nemesis, got the best of me.
23. I was already in motion, and the only thing that could stop me was an immovable object.
24. The door decided to volunteer for that task.
25. I slammed into the glass door like I'd robbed a bank and was trying to make a getaway. Like I meant business.
26. Like a BOSS.
27. Because when I do something? I never do it halfway.
28. It looked a lot like this:
Followed by this:
29. The poor saleslady next to the door made a dreadful snort-cackle sound before she swallowed her laughter and asked if I was ok.
30. I told her to just go ahead and laugh. I know if I saw me? I'd be laughing for the next hour.
31. I gathered the shreds of my dignity around me and left the building like THIS:
32. And then I got into the car and called Myra McEntire, MG Buehrlen, and Jodi Meadows to tell them what I'd done. They weren't surprised in the least. I think the only thing that would surprise them at this point is if I leave the house and DON'T do something stupid.
33. Aaaaaand, speaking of doing something stupid ...
34. I wear contacts, which means that when I travel, I need travel-size contact solution. Thanks to my eye doctor (whose somewhat combative relationship with me is documented here), I have TWO travel sized bottles. He gave me samples the last time I was in. One is a regular saline solution. One is a hydrogen peroxide solution that must be neutralized by putting my contacts in a special container that has a metal disk and then leaving them there for a full six hours.
35. Guess where my brain was while I was packing?
36. Not in my bathroom reading the labels on my contact solution bottles, I can tell you that much.
37. Know when I figured out I'd taken the hydrogen peroxide mixture by mistake?
38. WHEN I TOOK MY CONTACT OUT OF THE SOLUTION SATURDAY MORNING AND PLACED IT ON MY EYE.
39. My eye was red for an hour afterward. It. Was. Awesome.
40. And guess what? I'm traveling again this weekend!
41. What could possibly go wrong?
2. We all know I can't leave my house without doing something absent-minded or ridiculous.
3. Usually because I'm almost always somewhere else inside my head while I try to live real life, and that often blows up in my face.
4. My week was fine until I left the house to drive to the retreat. I had to stop by Target for my contribution to the weekend's menu and then by Dress Barn to find a pair of non-denim, non-yoga pants to wear at my daughter's dedication on Sunday and to an upcoming reception for the Nashville literary community. (Although, let's be honest ... any reception for a literary community will probably include at least ONE pair of yoga pants in attendance ...)
5. I think my mistake was in stopping at Target first. Why?
6. Because the automatic doors ruined me for all other doors.
7. Ruined me.
8. Need proof?
9. I walked into Dress Barn, grabbed the first pair of nice black pants I saw, purchased them, and then headed for the door. I had a two hour drive ahead of me, and I was already running a little behind. I had no time to waste with browsing or dressing rooms.
10. I was focused on leaving.
11. Sadly, I should've been focused on HOW to leave.
12. I walked toward the front doors like a Boss. I had it timed just right. Slow enough to give the sensor for the automatic door time to realize I was coming, but fast enough to hit the doorway right after the glass obligingly got out of my way.
13. The problem?
14. Dress Barn doesn't have automatic doors.
15. You'd think since I had to manually open the door to enter the store that I would've realized this, but alas. My mind had left Dress Barn the second I'd finished purchasing the pants. My body was simply trying to catch up.
16. I closed in on the door, and some small presence still lingering in my head (instead of thinking through my route and running over the workshops I was scheduled to present) said quietly, "The door isn't opening."
17. I didn't slow down.
18. The voice spoke louder. "The door isn't opening. It ISN'T opening."
19. The rest of my brain, yanked rudely from its contemplations, said "Huh?"
20. At this point, I was maybe twelve inches from the door.
21. My brain blinked, looked around, realized the danger, and screamed, "ABORT! ABORT!"
22. But as is usually the case with me, physics, my old scientific nemesis, got the best of me.
23. I was already in motion, and the only thing that could stop me was an immovable object.
24. The door decided to volunteer for that task.
25. I slammed into the glass door like I'd robbed a bank and was trying to make a getaway. Like I meant business.
26. Like a BOSS.
27. Because when I do something? I never do it halfway.
28. It looked a lot like this:
Followed by this:
29. The poor saleslady next to the door made a dreadful snort-cackle sound before she swallowed her laughter and asked if I was ok.
30. I told her to just go ahead and laugh. I know if I saw me? I'd be laughing for the next hour.
31. I gathered the shreds of my dignity around me and left the building like THIS:
32. And then I got into the car and called Myra McEntire, MG Buehrlen, and Jodi Meadows to tell them what I'd done. They weren't surprised in the least. I think the only thing that would surprise them at this point is if I leave the house and DON'T do something stupid.
33. Aaaaaand, speaking of doing something stupid ...
34. I wear contacts, which means that when I travel, I need travel-size contact solution. Thanks to my eye doctor (whose somewhat combative relationship with me is documented here), I have TWO travel sized bottles. He gave me samples the last time I was in. One is a regular saline solution. One is a hydrogen peroxide solution that must be neutralized by putting my contacts in a special container that has a metal disk and then leaving them there for a full six hours.
35. Guess where my brain was while I was packing?
36. Not in my bathroom reading the labels on my contact solution bottles, I can tell you that much.
37. Know when I figured out I'd taken the hydrogen peroxide mixture by mistake?
38. WHEN I TOOK MY CONTACT OUT OF THE SOLUTION SATURDAY MORNING AND PLACED IT ON MY EYE.
39. My eye was red for an hour afterward. It. Was. Awesome.
40. And guess what? I'm traveling again this weekend!
41. What could possibly go wrong?
February 15, 2013
The Ending Begins
I'm sitting down to write the final book in the Defiance trilogy now, and I have mixed emotions. Part of me is eager to finish this journey with my characters. To see scenes I've had in my head for the past two years finally come to life on the page. To do my best to give Rachel and Logan a happily ever after. But part of me feels like hanging on to them, to their story, a little bit longer. It seems like just yesterday that I sat down and let the image of a fortress, the idea of an underground dragon, and a mouthy redhead take over my brain. I'm also wondering why in the world I left myself such a tangle of plot lines and nearly impossible things to accomplish in this book. I look at the end of DECEPTION, which seemed like such a good idea at the time (and really was the only logical course of action) and kind of wish I'd just burned everything down again. Because the beginning of Book 3? Is a tricksy, tricksy hobbitses. Logan has to accomplish three mostly impossible things in the first few scenes. Rachel ... I can't even say a word about that without giving away the end of Deception. And do I have a plan? Oh yes, I have a plan. It looks a lot like this:
Brain Food:
:
Back-up plans if my current villains refuse to cooperate:
Ready response to those foolish enough to interrupt my office hours:
How others will know I'm working:
How I'll look when I leave my office but the plot won't leave my head:
What I feel when I read the end of DECEPTION & realize I have to FIX THAT:
What happens when I can't fix it on the first twelve tries:
What happens when I finally DO fix it:
And once I hit my stride, it pretty much looks like this:
So, there you have it. Book 3, with all its complicated plot twists that must be untangled and then resolved, is a blank page open on my computer. The playlist is open. The "Things That Must Be Figured Out Within Five Scenes" are listed on a notepad to my left. My peach tea is to my right.
Time to begin the end.
I leave you with the first song on Book 3's playlist:
Brain Food:
:
Back-up plans if my current villains refuse to cooperate:
Ready response to those foolish enough to interrupt my office hours:
How others will know I'm working:
How I'll look when I leave my office but the plot won't leave my head:
What I feel when I read the end of DECEPTION & realize I have to FIX THAT:
What happens when I can't fix it on the first twelve tries:
What happens when I finally DO fix it:
And once I hit my stride, it pretty much looks like this:
So, there you have it. Book 3, with all its complicated plot twists that must be untangled and then resolved, is a blank page open on my computer. The playlist is open. The "Things That Must Be Figured Out Within Five Scenes" are listed on a notepad to my left. My peach tea is to my right.
Time to begin the end.
I leave you with the first song on Book 3's playlist:
February 12, 2013
Deception Cover Reveal!!
Want to see the gorgeous cover for DECEPTION?? It just went live for an exclusive cover reveal on yabookscentral. Take a look at the cover and then enter to win a signed ARC! The giveaway is international!
January 4, 2013
Looking Back
I was going to put a ridiculously entertaining gif at the start of this post, but alas ... blogger has decided not to cooperate. And we all know that technology and I rarely get along, so when I tried to fix it ... CHAOS. ANARCHY. THE NEAR DESTRUCTION OF THE ENTIRE INTERNET.
So.
Imagine an entertaining gif HERE.
Thank you.
Moving on.
This actually might be a long-ish post. I'm not exactly sure how much of last year I want to share, so then again ... it might not. :) Truthfully, I wasn't even going to do a 2012 Recap post, but I figured my blog followers and new readers deserve to know a little bit about why I basically disappeared off the face of the internet, and maybe a little bit about what to expect in 2013.
Here's the thing. 2012 was one of the hardest years I've been through in a very long time. It was one of the best. And one of the most heartbreaking. It was one of the most incredible. And one of the most stressful. And all of that combined to slap this introvert straight in the face with a big, fat "I can't deal with human interaction at ALL because I can't afford to give away one more piece of me, or I'll have nothing left."
I hope when I say that, when I tell you that I pulled back from blogging and Facebook and Twitter, you don't think I mean I felt like people had their hands out trying to take a piece of me. That's not accurate at all. What I mean is this: being an introvert doesn't mean you don't like people or that you aren't outgoing. It means that every interaction you have takes emotional energy from you. For extroverts, interacting with other people gives emotional energy. When you take an introvert with a ton of stress in her personal life and add in the fact that her job requires her to find large chunks of quiet time in which to be creative, you have a recipe for abandoning the internet.
My emotional energy in 2012 started out pretty strong. I'd sold a trilogy in 2011, and my first book was coming out in August of 2012! I was excited about that, focused on writing the sequel, and trying to figure out how to do effective online promotion without becoming annoying.
In February, we did the cover reveal for Defiance. I expected a bunch of people to be interested. And by "bunch," I mean ... maybe 200. A little piece of my followers from Twitter, my blog, and Facebook. And also my mother and my best friends. I had no idea how many people would respond to Harper's amazing cover, and I was totally unprepared for the sudden focus of people's attention.
I've been told this is the kind of stuff writers just shouldn't blog about because we'll sound ungrateful for our dreams coming true. Or we'll sound stuck up because we felt the effects of the publicity our publishing houses generated for our books. I understand that fear, but I'm hoping my readers know me well enough by now to know that this isn't pride talking. I'm not the one who created my amazing cover--all of the credit goes to Harper's incredible art department. And if writers suddenly shut up about the publishing process once we've crossed the threshold to "sold," we do a huge disservice to up and coming writers. Because let me tell you, crossing that threshold is amazing and lovely. It is also scary. And with it comes a whole new level of pressure.
I thought I was ready for that. I was ready to slowly grow a readership. Build it book by book. And I'm still committed to that. I wasn't ready for the kind of response Defiance's cover generated. On my blog. On Twitter. In my inbox. That day, I received an average of 200 emails an hour. Comments on the cover. On my FB page. Emails to me personally because I had my personal email still up on my blog. It was an incredible, wonderful surprise.
It was also overwhelming.
I'm not complaining! I love my covers (yes, the next one is just as incredible) like WHOA. I wouldn't change a thing. I just didn't know people would be as excited as I am. That they would want to talk to me about it. And again, that is a lovely and wonderful thing. But after a little while, the introvert in me begged me to step back before I let that overwhelming feeling become something I could no longer deal with.
I have no idea how many of you are like me, so I may be trying to explain something that just won't make sense. But for an introvert who needs space to be creative and who has spent the past two decades walking a fine line between being slightly nuts and clinically depressed, what was lovely and overwhelming soon grew into the kind of pressure that made me want to crawl into a hole.
I know that won't make sense to people who haven't battled depression. How can something wonderful make you want to hide in a cave? I don't know. I really don't. But it does. However, I'm a lot wiser now than I was the first time I went on anti-depression medication. I've learned how to identify triggers and how to set up boundaries for myself so that I can cope without falling into that long, dark hole. I stepped back. I gave myself permission not to have to respond to every kind, amazing comment the very day it was made. And in a few weeks, the attention subsided because other equally amazing covers were revealed.
I walked into March feeling relieved. People loved the cover as much as I did. And while I hadn't been prepared for interacting with so many people in such a short space of time, I'd figured out how to manage it in a way that let me still be accessible to my followers like I want to be without feeling like I was giving all of my energy there and leaving nothing for my family and my writing.
ARCs went out at the end of March, and reviews started rolling in. I'd heard sage advice from published authors to ignore reviews. I gave myself two weeks to read the first reviews because curiosity was killing me. Turns out, the published authors were right. The lovely, warm, gushing reviews made me smile, but also made me look at my draft of Deception with doubt and fear. What if the things they loved in Defiance were missing in Deception? What if I totally screwed up my plot arcs? What if there wasn't enough action? Enough romance? What if, what if, what if .... The negative reviews did the exact same thing, so ... there was no winning, lol.
This didn't send me toward depression, mind you. I honestly believe that it's healthy for our culture to have many different types of books available, and there's no way one book will ever be perfect for every reader. But respecting all kinds of reviews didn't mean I had to read them if it was going torpedo my ability to write the sequel. I function best when I have a high rate of oblivion. I need a cushion around me keeping me from things that can distract me from listening to the characters and walking through the world inside my head. So, I stopped reading reviews. Never went back to Goodreads. Didn't even click links that fans sent to me with their gushing reviews.
I want to be perfectly clear here. I am GRATEFUL. I can't tell you how grateful. For every person who took the time to read my book and share their thoughts. With me or with others. Every email or blog comment I've received from someone who read and loved my book has encouraged me. Just because I don't click the link to read the review doesn't mean I don't treasure your personal message to me, or the fact that you cared enough to reach out. You and your thoughts are precious to me, and I'm grateful.
But this was one of the boundaries I had to build in order to protect myself from the dark places in my own mind. It's too easy for me to listen to doubt and fear and let it overwhelm me. If I don't have to welcome it in, I can't. It's that simple. As part of my search for a solution to help me build that high rate of oblivion around my creative process, I took on the amazing Julie as my intern/assistant. She became the point of contact for me. She organized all my online promo and many of my appearances. She kept her eye on reviews and morons who offered pirated copies of my book and all kinds of other little details that honestly sent me into a bit of a panic when I thought about trying to figure them out. I would've been more than a little lost in 2012 without her.
April and May were good months. I was looking forward to my August release, Julie had things well in hand, and I turned in the first draft of Deception. June was when my year started to really come off the rails. I can't go into a lot of details here because I won't violate my kids' privacy, but in the space of two weeks, two of my kids were hospitalized for very serious conditions. One of them was in an accident that left him with a smashed face and a Traumatic Brain Injury. I went instantly from a working mom to a mom trying to help her son when he couldn't hold a conversation, couldn't keep his balance, and couldn't manage the incredible pain he was in. I was also trying to get an accurate diagnosis and medication for my other son, and both of those situations required constant vigilance, multiple trips up to a children's hospital every week, and many hours of praying that my kids would be okay.
The revisions I was supposed to be doing for Deception flew right out of my head. The characters went silent. And I couldn't care about that. But of course, I couldn't put that off indefinitely because the book was due. Other people's jobs depended on me doing mine. I had to go to my agent and editor, explain the situation, and ask for an extension. And then I had to sit down at the end of July and focus on revising (which is a pleasant sounding word but which actually meant rip the entire thing to shreds and start over) while trying to get ready for my upcoming launch and appearances, and while working with my son's high school to figure out how to accommodate his TBI and all of his medical difficulties without him losing his honors classes or his future.
I turned the next draft of Deception in the week Defiance launched. My launch party was amazing. So many people showed up, and it really touched my heart to see friends, old and new, along with blog readers and book fans there to enjoy the evening with me. I also held an online launch party, and then spent the weekend doing panels at both Dragon*Con and the Decatur Book Festival. Those appearances launched me into the fall where I traveled a few places in September, and then had a running streak of six weeks of travel from Oct to Nov. All while trying to still manage my son's physical and cognitive therapy, my other son's health needs, and oh, yeah ... while rewriting Deception again.
It took me 5 1/2 drafts to get Deception done. It took six months to get the right treatment for one son. It took seven months for my other son to start to feel mostly normal after his accident. All of that happened simultaneously. And I will be honest with you. There was a moment in September when a friend asked me when I was going to have a breakdown, and I told her I couldn't afford to break down because my kids needed me and my book was due, but that the second all of that was off of my plate, she'd hear screaming from my house and she'd know to come lock me away for a few days.
And that is why I basically quit blogging. Why I'd disappear off Twitter for weeks at a time. I just couldn't manage one more thing. Every time I thought about sitting down and writing a blog post, it made me want to cry because I barely had the words for the book I've been paid to write.
I'm very proud of Deception, now. It may have taken me 5 1/2 drafts (and maybe my spleen and half of my brain) to get it done, but it's the right story. It's what I wanted to do when I first sat down to write the book. I'm very grateful that both of my boys are still alive. I'm grateful that they are improving. I'm tremendously honored that readers reach out to me and want to talk about Defiance. I love having those conversations because I'm the kind of reader who identifies strongly with characters in books, and I like to talk about that with others. This post isn't a "please don't talk to me again" post! It's an explanation for where I went last year.
I hope next year is easier, but we're never guaranteed that, are we? That's why we have to be thankful for the blessings we have on any given day. I've decided not to place the stress of a blog schedule on myself this year. I'm finishing up co-writing a secret project this month, I'll be drafting Book 3 the three months after that, writing synopses for two more secret projects, and editing Book 1 in my adult series. I can't expect myself to blog three times a week on top of that.
However! I'll still blog. It will just be sporadic. And I will consistently reply to comments on this blog and on FB or Twitter. I might not be able to reply the day you send it, but I will reply. And if you have a longer note to send to me, you can reach me through the Amazing Julie at julie@cjredwine.com. I read all of the emails my readers send to me, and again, I reply as soon as I'm able.
Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this incredibly long post! Thank you for being willing to read about the struggles as well as the happy "dream come true" moments. I appreciate you, and I wish us all a wonderful 2013.
So.
Imagine an entertaining gif HERE.
Thank you.
Moving on.
This actually might be a long-ish post. I'm not exactly sure how much of last year I want to share, so then again ... it might not. :) Truthfully, I wasn't even going to do a 2012 Recap post, but I figured my blog followers and new readers deserve to know a little bit about why I basically disappeared off the face of the internet, and maybe a little bit about what to expect in 2013.
Here's the thing. 2012 was one of the hardest years I've been through in a very long time. It was one of the best. And one of the most heartbreaking. It was one of the most incredible. And one of the most stressful. And all of that combined to slap this introvert straight in the face with a big, fat "I can't deal with human interaction at ALL because I can't afford to give away one more piece of me, or I'll have nothing left."
I hope when I say that, when I tell you that I pulled back from blogging and Facebook and Twitter, you don't think I mean I felt like people had their hands out trying to take a piece of me. That's not accurate at all. What I mean is this: being an introvert doesn't mean you don't like people or that you aren't outgoing. It means that every interaction you have takes emotional energy from you. For extroverts, interacting with other people gives emotional energy. When you take an introvert with a ton of stress in her personal life and add in the fact that her job requires her to find large chunks of quiet time in which to be creative, you have a recipe for abandoning the internet.
My emotional energy in 2012 started out pretty strong. I'd sold a trilogy in 2011, and my first book was coming out in August of 2012! I was excited about that, focused on writing the sequel, and trying to figure out how to do effective online promotion without becoming annoying.
In February, we did the cover reveal for Defiance. I expected a bunch of people to be interested. And by "bunch," I mean ... maybe 200. A little piece of my followers from Twitter, my blog, and Facebook. And also my mother and my best friends. I had no idea how many people would respond to Harper's amazing cover, and I was totally unprepared for the sudden focus of people's attention.
I've been told this is the kind of stuff writers just shouldn't blog about because we'll sound ungrateful for our dreams coming true. Or we'll sound stuck up because we felt the effects of the publicity our publishing houses generated for our books. I understand that fear, but I'm hoping my readers know me well enough by now to know that this isn't pride talking. I'm not the one who created my amazing cover--all of the credit goes to Harper's incredible art department. And if writers suddenly shut up about the publishing process once we've crossed the threshold to "sold," we do a huge disservice to up and coming writers. Because let me tell you, crossing that threshold is amazing and lovely. It is also scary. And with it comes a whole new level of pressure.
I thought I was ready for that. I was ready to slowly grow a readership. Build it book by book. And I'm still committed to that. I wasn't ready for the kind of response Defiance's cover generated. On my blog. On Twitter. In my inbox. That day, I received an average of 200 emails an hour. Comments on the cover. On my FB page. Emails to me personally because I had my personal email still up on my blog. It was an incredible, wonderful surprise.
It was also overwhelming.
I'm not complaining! I love my covers (yes, the next one is just as incredible) like WHOA. I wouldn't change a thing. I just didn't know people would be as excited as I am. That they would want to talk to me about it. And again, that is a lovely and wonderful thing. But after a little while, the introvert in me begged me to step back before I let that overwhelming feeling become something I could no longer deal with.
I have no idea how many of you are like me, so I may be trying to explain something that just won't make sense. But for an introvert who needs space to be creative and who has spent the past two decades walking a fine line between being slightly nuts and clinically depressed, what was lovely and overwhelming soon grew into the kind of pressure that made me want to crawl into a hole.
I know that won't make sense to people who haven't battled depression. How can something wonderful make you want to hide in a cave? I don't know. I really don't. But it does. However, I'm a lot wiser now than I was the first time I went on anti-depression medication. I've learned how to identify triggers and how to set up boundaries for myself so that I can cope without falling into that long, dark hole. I stepped back. I gave myself permission not to have to respond to every kind, amazing comment the very day it was made. And in a few weeks, the attention subsided because other equally amazing covers were revealed.
I walked into March feeling relieved. People loved the cover as much as I did. And while I hadn't been prepared for interacting with so many people in such a short space of time, I'd figured out how to manage it in a way that let me still be accessible to my followers like I want to be without feeling like I was giving all of my energy there and leaving nothing for my family and my writing.
ARCs went out at the end of March, and reviews started rolling in. I'd heard sage advice from published authors to ignore reviews. I gave myself two weeks to read the first reviews because curiosity was killing me. Turns out, the published authors were right. The lovely, warm, gushing reviews made me smile, but also made me look at my draft of Deception with doubt and fear. What if the things they loved in Defiance were missing in Deception? What if I totally screwed up my plot arcs? What if there wasn't enough action? Enough romance? What if, what if, what if .... The negative reviews did the exact same thing, so ... there was no winning, lol.
This didn't send me toward depression, mind you. I honestly believe that it's healthy for our culture to have many different types of books available, and there's no way one book will ever be perfect for every reader. But respecting all kinds of reviews didn't mean I had to read them if it was going torpedo my ability to write the sequel. I function best when I have a high rate of oblivion. I need a cushion around me keeping me from things that can distract me from listening to the characters and walking through the world inside my head. So, I stopped reading reviews. Never went back to Goodreads. Didn't even click links that fans sent to me with their gushing reviews.
I want to be perfectly clear here. I am GRATEFUL. I can't tell you how grateful. For every person who took the time to read my book and share their thoughts. With me or with others. Every email or blog comment I've received from someone who read and loved my book has encouraged me. Just because I don't click the link to read the review doesn't mean I don't treasure your personal message to me, or the fact that you cared enough to reach out. You and your thoughts are precious to me, and I'm grateful.
But this was one of the boundaries I had to build in order to protect myself from the dark places in my own mind. It's too easy for me to listen to doubt and fear and let it overwhelm me. If I don't have to welcome it in, I can't. It's that simple. As part of my search for a solution to help me build that high rate of oblivion around my creative process, I took on the amazing Julie as my intern/assistant. She became the point of contact for me. She organized all my online promo and many of my appearances. She kept her eye on reviews and morons who offered pirated copies of my book and all kinds of other little details that honestly sent me into a bit of a panic when I thought about trying to figure them out. I would've been more than a little lost in 2012 without her.
April and May were good months. I was looking forward to my August release, Julie had things well in hand, and I turned in the first draft of Deception. June was when my year started to really come off the rails. I can't go into a lot of details here because I won't violate my kids' privacy, but in the space of two weeks, two of my kids were hospitalized for very serious conditions. One of them was in an accident that left him with a smashed face and a Traumatic Brain Injury. I went instantly from a working mom to a mom trying to help her son when he couldn't hold a conversation, couldn't keep his balance, and couldn't manage the incredible pain he was in. I was also trying to get an accurate diagnosis and medication for my other son, and both of those situations required constant vigilance, multiple trips up to a children's hospital every week, and many hours of praying that my kids would be okay.
The revisions I was supposed to be doing for Deception flew right out of my head. The characters went silent. And I couldn't care about that. But of course, I couldn't put that off indefinitely because the book was due. Other people's jobs depended on me doing mine. I had to go to my agent and editor, explain the situation, and ask for an extension. And then I had to sit down at the end of July and focus on revising (which is a pleasant sounding word but which actually meant rip the entire thing to shreds and start over) while trying to get ready for my upcoming launch and appearances, and while working with my son's high school to figure out how to accommodate his TBI and all of his medical difficulties without him losing his honors classes or his future.
I turned the next draft of Deception in the week Defiance launched. My launch party was amazing. So many people showed up, and it really touched my heart to see friends, old and new, along with blog readers and book fans there to enjoy the evening with me. I also held an online launch party, and then spent the weekend doing panels at both Dragon*Con and the Decatur Book Festival. Those appearances launched me into the fall where I traveled a few places in September, and then had a running streak of six weeks of travel from Oct to Nov. All while trying to still manage my son's physical and cognitive therapy, my other son's health needs, and oh, yeah ... while rewriting Deception again.
It took me 5 1/2 drafts to get Deception done. It took six months to get the right treatment for one son. It took seven months for my other son to start to feel mostly normal after his accident. All of that happened simultaneously. And I will be honest with you. There was a moment in September when a friend asked me when I was going to have a breakdown, and I told her I couldn't afford to break down because my kids needed me and my book was due, but that the second all of that was off of my plate, she'd hear screaming from my house and she'd know to come lock me away for a few days.
And that is why I basically quit blogging. Why I'd disappear off Twitter for weeks at a time. I just couldn't manage one more thing. Every time I thought about sitting down and writing a blog post, it made me want to cry because I barely had the words for the book I've been paid to write.
I'm very proud of Deception, now. It may have taken me 5 1/2 drafts (and maybe my spleen and half of my brain) to get it done, but it's the right story. It's what I wanted to do when I first sat down to write the book. I'm very grateful that both of my boys are still alive. I'm grateful that they are improving. I'm tremendously honored that readers reach out to me and want to talk about Defiance. I love having those conversations because I'm the kind of reader who identifies strongly with characters in books, and I like to talk about that with others. This post isn't a "please don't talk to me again" post! It's an explanation for where I went last year.
I hope next year is easier, but we're never guaranteed that, are we? That's why we have to be thankful for the blessings we have on any given day. I've decided not to place the stress of a blog schedule on myself this year. I'm finishing up co-writing a secret project this month, I'll be drafting Book 3 the three months after that, writing synopses for two more secret projects, and editing Book 1 in my adult series. I can't expect myself to blog three times a week on top of that.
However! I'll still blog. It will just be sporadic. And I will consistently reply to comments on this blog and on FB or Twitter. I might not be able to reply the day you send it, but I will reply. And if you have a longer note to send to me, you can reach me through the Amazing Julie at julie@cjredwine.com. I read all of the emails my readers send to me, and again, I reply as soon as I'm able.
Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this incredibly long post! Thank you for being willing to read about the struggles as well as the happy "dream come true" moments. I appreciate you, and I wish us all a wonderful 2013.
December 6, 2012
Contest & Awards!
CONTEST:
Want to read Defiance's sequel before anyone else? If so, go here and enter the contest! All you have to do is submit a guess for Book 2's title (you even get a hint). We're giving away a pre-order of the sequel as well as a signed ARC (advanced review copy)!! Hurry! The contest ends Friday, December 7th.
AWARD:
It's time for the annual YABC Choice Awards! Editors on YABC have nominated their favorite books and authors from 2012, and now readers get to vote one their own faves in each category. I've been incredibly honored to have Defiance nominated under both the YA Fantasy and YA Post-Apocalyptic/Dystopian categories, as well as to have been nominated under the Author of the Year category. (I am, of course, assuming the title comes with a tiara.) Please go vote for your faves. (And don't worry, you don't have to feel pressure to vote for me! Just ... go vote and be heard about the books and authors you love!)
Want to read Defiance's sequel before anyone else? If so, go here and enter the contest! All you have to do is submit a guess for Book 2's title (you even get a hint). We're giving away a pre-order of the sequel as well as a signed ARC (advanced review copy)!! Hurry! The contest ends Friday, December 7th.
AWARD:
It's time for the annual YABC Choice Awards! Editors on YABC have nominated their favorite books and authors from 2012, and now readers get to vote one their own faves in each category. I've been incredibly honored to have Defiance nominated under both the YA Fantasy and YA Post-Apocalyptic/Dystopian categories, as well as to have been nominated under the Author of the Year category. (I am, of course, assuming the title comes with a tiara.) Please go vote for your faves. (And don't worry, you don't have to feel pressure to vote for me! Just ... go vote and be heard about the books and authors you love!)
November 7, 2012
Where In the World is C.J.?
1. So ... let's just make a deal to pay no attention to how long it's been since I've blogged, ok?
2. The reasons for my unplanned hiatus can be summed up thusly: Book 1 launch, travel nearly every weekend for book events, and then Book 2 ATE MY SOUL.
3. Book 2 has now been wrangled (mostly) into submission.
4. I can't promise to be as prolific as I used to be on the blog, though, because it doesn't look like the craziness in my schedule is going to slow down any time soon, and because I have multiple writing projects I'm working on.
5. I can use my creative brain power for the day on writing or on blogging, but most days I can't seem to manage both.
6. I do, however, have a few really awesome author interviews coming up (along with giveaways!), and I have some Deep Thoughts kind of posts sort of simmering in my head, waiting for the right moment.
7. So, I'm not disappearing from the blog ... but I might be a lot more scarce.
8. I've enjoyed traveling around the country and meeting readers! Even if I do manage to do something quasi-humiliating on every trip.
9. Take last weekend, for example. I went to St. Louis (which did THIS to me last time I was there) for the YALSA symposium. (A hotel full of librarians is my kind of epic!)
10. On Thursday night, I was scheduled to have dinner with a reviewer from YABC. I dressed in a cute shirt, a pretty black and white scarf with beaded fringe, and my favorite jeans. I also made sure I had no spinach in my teeth or curls sticking straight up off the back of my head.
11. In short, I made some effort to look like I know what to do when I have to leave the house.
12. Yes, I deserve brownie points for that.
13. Or just brownies. I'll take the brownies. You can keep the points.
14. Anyway, I went down to the lobby to meet Jillian (the YABC girl kind enough to take me to a yummy local brewery and then to a CHOCOLATE BAR for dessert. Yes, it deserves all caps!) and I was feeling pretty pulled together.
15. Until for some inexplicable reason, my head started to dip toward my stomach, slowly but surely.
16. At first it felt like just a bit of pressure against the back of my neck. Uncomfortable, but easily ignored.
17. Then, I realized my chin was pointed toward the floor.
18. Anyone who knows me realizes that where my chin is pointed, I will follow.
19. Clearly, I had to fix the issue before I ended up face-planting on the lobby floor, thus ruining any chance to make a good first impression on the crowds of librarians all around me.
20. A quick investigation revealed the problem.
21. It also revealed that my good first impression?
22. Totally ruined.
23. Why?
24. Because SOMEHOW the long beaded fringe on my scarf got caught BETWEEN MY LEGS and HUNG OUT MY BACKSIDE for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG.
25. That is really not the area I'd hoped to accessorize.
26. Since I seem to do things of this nature (Or I gesture my hands right into a piece of pie, or I interrupt a very educational panel with a soundbite about spatulas and 50 Shades of Grey ...), you should probably come see me whenever I'm in your area.
27. I might not make a good first impression, but I'll almost certainly be memorable.
October 12, 2012
Winner of THE CAVENDISH HOME FOR BOYS AND GIRLS
Today I get to announce the winner of the copy of Claire LeGrand's fabulous THE CAVENDISH HOME FOR BOYS AND GIRLS. I used Rafflecopter to choose the winner, and the lucky winner is
Niko Silvester
Congratulations, Niko! You will receive a confirmation email from my assistant, Julie, soon. Thanks for entering and happy reading!
If you didn't win this time, the following giveaway is still open!
Win a copy of Rae Carson's THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS as well as THE CROWN OF EMBERS.
Niko Silvester
Congratulations, Niko! You will receive a confirmation email from my assistant, Julie, soon. Thanks for entering and happy reading!
If you didn't win this time, the following giveaway is still open!
Win a copy of Rae Carson's THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS as well as THE CROWN OF EMBERS.
October 2, 2012
Fast Five with Nikki Loftin
Today, I welcome debut author Nikki Loftin to the blog for a round of Fast Five! Nikki is the author of the holy cow awesome THE SINISTER SWEETNESS OF SPLENDID ACADEMY which is in book stores now. Let's take a look at her book and then dive into the Fast Five.
Lorelei is bowled over by Splendid Academy--Principal Trapp encourages the students to run in the hallways, the classrooms are stocked with candy dishes, and the cafeteria serves lavish meals featuring all Lorelei's favorite foods. But the more time she spends at school, the more suspicious she becomes. Why are her classmates growing so chubby? And why do the teachers seem so sinister?
It's up to Lorelei and her new friend Andrew to figure out what secret this supposedly splendid school is hiding. What they discover chills their bones--and might even pick them clean!
Mix one part magic, one part mystery, and just a dash of Grimm, and you've got the recipe for a cozy-creepy read that kids will gobble up like candy.
Doesn't that sound fun? I know my boys are looking forward to reading it! Want to grab your own copy? Head to Indie Bound, Barnes & Noble, or Amazon, or ask for it at your local bookstore. Now, let's see what Nikki had to say for her fast five!
Movies:
The Princess Bride is the perfect movie. Sword fighting, pirates, death, true love AND a six-fingered man? Bliss. I memorized the whole thing years ago, and now I make my own kids watch it with me all the time.
Runners-up: Poltergeist, The Goonies, The Little Mermaid, and Resident Evils I, II, and III. (Um, does this list make me look insane?) - Inconceivable! Any insanity is cancelled out by including The Princess Bride!
Books From Childhood:
Pippi Longstocking is my all-time favorite. I STILL want to be Pippi. Also, I want a horse to live on my porch. And possibly a monkey, or a marmoset. Oh, I loved Pippi!!! I also wanted a horse on my front porch. My parents were less enamored with the idea.
Runners-Up: Paddington Bear (for the marmalade), Frederick by Leo Lionni (the colors!), The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and... the Dragonsinger trilogy.
Foods:
Chocolate, preferably dark with almonds or some kind of nuts. Mmm. Dark chocolate.
Runners up: Ice cream, gelato, sorbet, (Yes, these are all different foods!), and for dessert, basil pesto on pasta. I'm beginning to see why you were uniquely qualified to write a book where candy and desserts are a theme unto themselves.
TV Shows:
Uh oh. Tricky. I watch almost NO TV! Gotta have time to write, and all. So it'll have to be oldies... Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Runners-up: Tarzan (the old Johnny Weissmuller ones, and yes, I have seen them ALL), MacGyver, The Muppet Show, and The Wonder Years. Old school! (MacGyver and The Muppet Show FTW!)
Items in My Closet:
A vintage dress my mom wore in the 60s that makes the wearer look like an enormous psychedelic flower!
Runners up: Stacks of signed books waiting to be given to nieces/nephews for birthdays, a hand-sewn doll that looks just like me circa 1987 (creepy!), a pair of silver and gold glitter-covered kitten toe high heels (worn once), and a purse that belonged to my great-grandmother, full of all the things she left in it before she died - white gloves, lace handkerchief, and antique Wrigley's gum!
Whoa, my closet is cool. Sooo cool.
Thank you, Nikki, for a fun Fast Five! What do you think of Nikki's choices? Are you loving her old school tv shows? Or do you think having a look-alike doll in the closet is taking the creep factor one notch too high? Leave Nikki a comment, and don't forget to check out THE SINISTER SWEETNESS OF SPLENDID ACADEMY!
Lorelei is bowled over by Splendid Academy--Principal Trapp encourages the students to run in the hallways, the classrooms are stocked with candy dishes, and the cafeteria serves lavish meals featuring all Lorelei's favorite foods. But the more time she spends at school, the more suspicious she becomes. Why are her classmates growing so chubby? And why do the teachers seem so sinister?It's up to Lorelei and her new friend Andrew to figure out what secret this supposedly splendid school is hiding. What they discover chills their bones--and might even pick them clean!
Mix one part magic, one part mystery, and just a dash of Grimm, and you've got the recipe for a cozy-creepy read that kids will gobble up like candy.
Doesn't that sound fun? I know my boys are looking forward to reading it! Want to grab your own copy? Head to Indie Bound, Barnes & Noble, or Amazon, or ask for it at your local bookstore. Now, let's see what Nikki had to say for her fast five!
Movies:
The Princess Bride is the perfect movie. Sword fighting, pirates, death, true love AND a six-fingered man? Bliss. I memorized the whole thing years ago, and now I make my own kids watch it with me all the time.
Runners-up: Poltergeist, The Goonies, The Little Mermaid, and Resident Evils I, II, and III. (Um, does this list make me look insane?) - Inconceivable! Any insanity is cancelled out by including The Princess Bride!
Books From Childhood:
Pippi Longstocking is my all-time favorite. I STILL want to be Pippi. Also, I want a horse to live on my porch. And possibly a monkey, or a marmoset. Oh, I loved Pippi!!! I also wanted a horse on my front porch. My parents were less enamored with the idea.
Runners-Up: Paddington Bear (for the marmalade), Frederick by Leo Lionni (the colors!), The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and... the Dragonsinger trilogy.
Foods:
Chocolate, preferably dark with almonds or some kind of nuts. Mmm. Dark chocolate.
Runners up: Ice cream, gelato, sorbet, (Yes, these are all different foods!), and for dessert, basil pesto on pasta. I'm beginning to see why you were uniquely qualified to write a book where candy and desserts are a theme unto themselves.
TV Shows:
Uh oh. Tricky. I watch almost NO TV! Gotta have time to write, and all. So it'll have to be oldies... Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Runners-up: Tarzan (the old Johnny Weissmuller ones, and yes, I have seen them ALL), MacGyver, The Muppet Show, and The Wonder Years. Old school! (MacGyver and The Muppet Show FTW!)
Items in My Closet:
A vintage dress my mom wore in the 60s that makes the wearer look like an enormous psychedelic flower!
Runners up: Stacks of signed books waiting to be given to nieces/nephews for birthdays, a hand-sewn doll that looks just like me circa 1987 (creepy!), a pair of silver and gold glitter-covered kitten toe high heels (worn once), and a purse that belonged to my great-grandmother, full of all the things she left in it before she died - white gloves, lace handkerchief, and antique Wrigley's gum!
Whoa, my closet is cool. Sooo cool.
Thank you, Nikki, for a fun Fast Five! What do you think of Nikki's choices? Are you loving her old school tv shows? Or do you think having a look-alike doll in the closet is taking the creep factor one notch too high? Leave Nikki a comment, and don't forget to check out THE SINISTER SWEETNESS OF SPLENDID ACADEMY!
