C.S. Daley's Blog, page 15

Incarnators Week 5

I am learning some very important things about myself right now. Like, apparently I do in fact need a break from time to time. I wrote a novel, a short story collection, edited a novel and started a new novel with no breaks. To say the new novel has started off slower than hell would be an understatement. I am so burnt right now I can't even bring myself to blog. It feels like I have absolutely nothing to add to the world at this particular moment. I haven't even been on Twitter. There have been no words inside of me aching to get out.

This is not writer's block though. I know the story I want to write. I write when I can bring myself to sit in front of the computer to do it. I have just not felt like sitting in front of the computer. This week we have been shopping for carpet, had our roof repaired, and priced out cabinets. I have felt exhausted and sleepy. When I wake I have not wanted to work on the novel because when I do I find myself criticizing every word I commit to the page. By Tuesday of this last week I knew it was time to punt. I stopped trying to write. No blogging, no writing, no work. I read novels and played video games. I tried to keep my pets from losing their minds as the roofers pounded away on the ceiling (another giant distraction to writing). In short, I took a deep breath and tried to reenergize the juices. I needed a writing break. No guilt just relaxation.

I think it worked. I feel much better today. I find myself mapping out threads of the novel in my head. I am feeling antsy to get to work again. Really get to work, not the dribble of words which has been the last four weeks. I am not going to jump right in. I want my brain to be begging to get writing. I know it is coming. I will take Sunday to finish reading the book I have going. I will play a little Spider-Man on my X-Box and see how I feel Monday. If I am not ready I will rinse, lather, and repeat. I have always taken a few weeks off between novels and this time I didn't. This was a mistake and my writing suffered. Now I am feeling much more relaxed and hope that soon I will be writing about my progress. I decided it was ridiculous to feel bad about it. I have already written a 120,000 word novel this year. Everything else is just bonus. I felt an urge to get the third novel done quick so my readers would have it in their hands. If it sucks this is not a good plan. My deadline of December hasn't changed but this is because I was really smart and built-in extra time. My subconscious must have known a break would be needed.

Almost Brand New

What a weird day. I have been getting absolutely no sleep lately. Combined with getting up early to go running I have been a muddled fool these last few days. It doesn't help that we are currently in the midst of redoing much of our home. Which has led to almost no nap time during the day.

We decided in the middle of the housing boom not to move into a new house but to ride it out and make gradual upgrades to our house instead. We are very happy we did that. It seems most of the crazy over-priced homes in our town have ended up being walk aways because the homeowner ended up in a house worth considerably less than when they bought it. Several years ago we did the master bathroom. This time it was time to do the carpet.

We wanted to wait until our kittens were a year old and that day has arrived. We spent a lot of time learning things about carpet I hope to forget soon. My brain can't store any more trivial knowledge. We decided since we were doing the floors we should take a look at the roof. We knew the roof was nearing the end of its life cycle. We got a quote from a highly recommended roofer that was way cheaper than we thought it was going to be, so we took the plunge.

Having men walking around banging things into your ceiling makes it virtually impossible to take a nap. I won't even get into what it is doing to my poor cat Troubadour's nerves. He has spent the last two days hiding in the closet. When he does finally come out he looks like Inspector Clouseau walking around waiting to get ambushed.

Which brings me to my weird day. I seemed to have a vortex of strange following me around today. Went to register my car and was treated rudely at AAA. Then went to Burger King to pick up something to eat and was treated rudely by the manager there. I came home and tried to get to sleep and actually did manage to doze off despite the roofers, only to be woken up by a damn phone ringing. How does that happen? I can sleep through roof apocalypse but not a ring?

The phone call didn't do much for my nerves. We are refinancing the revolving line of credit we have to a lower interest rate. Our bank (whom we have banked with for a decade) has seemingly gone off the deep end and wanted paystubs, letters from employers, bodily fluids. For goodness sake we already have a line of credit we just wanted the lower interest rate. I finally told the woman to submit our application as is. I am certain it will get approved.

Then we ended up trying to pay for our new carpet unsuccessfully three times. Every time it was rung up they made a mistake (to be fair at the least the people at Home Depot were very nice while making the mistake). They finally got it right but I am fairly certain they broke a bunch of store rules. I am officially ready for sleep. Next project will be the kitchen. Soon our house will be almost brand new again and we will be completely broke.

Incarnators Week 4

My suckage knows no limits right now. I got back from Comic-Con and slept all week. I did very little writing this week. I am going to have to hit the reset button and stop worrying about where I thought I should be right now. Instead, I will concentrate on getting myself back on a regular routine.

Part of the problem is I restarted several characters. I didn't like the pacing on the early chapter. In the past two books I have kept the pace brisk with lots of cliff hangers. Starting this book so soon after Keepers left me in a much more deliberate pace (Keepers builds in the early chapters and then gets rolling like a coaster).

It's not all bad news on the writing front. I have finished Whispers of the Dead formatting and will be submitting it for publication tomorrow. It should be up for sale by Thursady this week. I will, of course, keep everyone informed. I also have outlined a few new zombie dad stories and came up with a brilliant title for the next collection (yeah, I am going to make you wait).

I feel rested and my brain feels like it is in the right place so I am throwing out all past expectaions for Incarnators and starting my new goal tomorrow. I am looking to do 2000 words a day until school starts back up. Then it will go to 1000 minimum with the hopes of a 2000. This will still allow me to finsih the book by December. Now, if I could just sell a few thousand of them to pay for all the home repairs I have to do the world would be golden.

Geek Sexy

I went to a great panel at Comic-Con called "Oh You Sexy Geek." They talked about sexy women proclaiming their geekhood for marketing purposes, you know the p word (pandering). They spent some time on cosplay (wearing costumes) and empowerment. It was primarily focused on women in geek and how they are treated. Both by geeks and the media. It really made me think long and hard about the word sexy. I know there seems to be some sort of consensus in mass media on what is sexy but I just don't buy it.

Walk down any street in any country and you will see a multitude of different body types and looks. Most of them would not be given the chance to grace the cover of magazines. They would not be put into the 100 most sexy people list. I find it amusing that the concept of sexy in media is dominated by the smallest minority of people. I always tell my students that when they see a beautiful actress on TV to remember that what they are looking at is a small slice of society and by no means the only example of beauty.

The truth is sexy is going to be different for everyone. Beauty is everywhere. The mass media doesn't get to decide for us. If they did I am sure they wouldn't have allowed Christina Hendricks in the club. As a teacher, I think it is important to teach what it means to live healthy. I also think it is important for my students to understand they shouldn't buy into the bill of goods that are being sold to them. If they do they will be chasing after illusionary pots of gold for the rest of their lives.

Which brings me back to the world of geek and the concept of pandering. I am a little insulted by the whole notion. I can't be pandered to. I am a strong, funny, intelligent, kind, and good-looking man (even if sometimes I have trouble remembering it). You are not going to be able to trot a beautiful actress out in front of me and get me to start jumping through your hoops. You can't pander to me because I am smart enough to know when people are shoveling shit. An actress or actor suddenly saying I am a geek doesn't make me want to buy their product. It also doesn't immediately lead me to wondering if they are being fake. Maybe they don't know as much about a certain subject as me, doesn't mean they don't want to. Doesn't mean they shouldn't be welcomed in with open arms because frankly I am about spreading the message of how cool the culture of geek is. Exclusion is petty and exhausting.

You know what I think is sexy? Women wearing their favorite geeky shirt. Eye glasses with lots of color. Intelligence and humor and kindness. The ability to surprise me. Strength and passion. A sense of wonder. I think being a geek is sexy and very little of it has to do with what the media wants to spoon feed us. It's time for my lovely geek community to stop worry about who is or isn't a geek. Our time would be much better spent spreading the culture of geek around the world. Then our takeover will be complete.

Fan-a-tic

I survived the crush of 130,000 people at San Diego Comic-Con this week. It was crazy busy and ridiculously crowded. Many of those in attendance were "frothing at the mouth" fanatics. Dying to get just one glimpse at a pop culture hero. I have friends who lined up at 4am to see the Dr. Who panel. Waited 6 hours to get in and then sat through two panels they had no interest in to catch a glimpse of the Dr. Who crew. I love Dr. Who but there is no way I would have done any of that.

I spent a lot of time thinking about my particular brand of geekness. I am a big fan of a lot of things but I don't think I cross over into the fanatic realm in any of them. This is not a knock towards any of the people who waited in the lines to go crazy over that which they love. I just don't seem to be built that way. First of all, I hate lines with a passion. I can barely tolerate going to Disneyland. Sheri and I tend to ride a lot of single rider rides when we go because she hates lines too. Some of the lines at Comic-Con are ridiculous. I would probably have turned into a babling idiot after waiting in them for hours upon end (despite many readers beliefs I am not normally a babbling idiot. No really, I'm not).

I thought about who might make me wait in a ginormous line. I came up with only one name, Terry Pratchett. I love Mr. Pratchett's work. You could power a small city with my love for his words. Even that enormous amount of admiration wouldn't make me wait in a giant line for a chance to meet him if not for one thing. I have a first edition of Good Omens, the book he wrote with Neil Gaiman. I have always wanted to get both of their autographs on the book.

I met a few famous people this last weekend. All of them were chance encounters. They all treated me nicely. I said hi. They said hi. We moved on. I actually get far more excited meeting people who I have been talking to on Twitter for years. I think my years of managing a bookstore and arranging autograph parties for people I really respected took a little of the gloss off of seeing famous people. I like to talk to people. Meeting people and having conversations is what gets my blood boiling. Getting sneak peeks of a show. Standing in line for exclusive collectibles. Staring on dreamy-eyed from afar don't seem to be part of my geek make-up.

Don't get me wrong. I would love to share a meal with any number of people but again this means conversation will be involved. As much as I admire Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, or Felicia Day I just don't see myself ever waiting in a line which requires I bring several meals with me. This doesn't mean if I ever had a chance to talk to them I wouldn't be completely nervous (I proved that this last year when I finally got a chance to talk to Felicia Day). I think I will always be a good fan but I have been left off the fanatic bus. I will leave that to my crazy friends….I mean passionate friends.

Incarnators Week 3

Comic-Con is over. It was a busy weekend. This is the only day of the week I have actually made it back to my hotel before 2 am. I love Comic-Con but it takes it out of you. If that isn't bad enough this trip has been travel hell. I am currently on hold waiting to get my tickets fixed (now well over an hour on hold).

You add in the nightmare travel down and I am really wishing I had driven. I can't wait to be home again. I did a little writing this week but as predicted my writing sucked. I was barely in the room and only had time to peck out a few words at a time.

The plan now is to catch myself up. This next week I will be writing as much as my little brain can handle. I want to be caught back up with my timeline by the end of August. I took it easy this week but I know I can get it done. Right now I should be at 12,000 words and I am not. I hope I can catch up after one week but we shall see.

My goal for completion of the book is October. As of right now I have no worries about making the deadline. I will also be releasing Book 2 next week. I am really excited to hear what my readers think about the direction of the story. I also told Sheri I really have a goal of making it back to Comic-Con on my own (my first 2 cons were under someone else's passes). I have a few things I will take a swing at and see how they work out. Check in next week for some actual news about how the writing is going.

Square Peg – Round Hole

I am constantly amazed at the utter predictability of my inner psyche. Wandering around the San Diego Comic-Con with 130,000 other geeky souls should be the last place I would feel out of place. Yet, I sometimes do. Which I could have told you would happen before I ever got on the plane.

It took maybe half a day before the stupid evil inner voices began screaming, "you are a fraud! They are going to find out." It's ridiculous. I am not a fraud. I am a geek through and through. I mean seriously Dark Horse Comics announced they had put Star Wars up in the digital comic shop and I had bought all of them within minutes on my iPad.

I have never felt like I belonged to any group though. It started early in life. My sense of isolation and lonelyness grew every year. I was constantly battling with myself. One moment I was sure I was the nastiest person ever to walk the face of the earth. The next moment I was sure I was the nicest. I have always considered myself a geek. I bought my first comic when I was in third grade. Star Wars was my childhood religion (and sometimes my adult).

If there was ever a group I belonged to it is geekdom. Plus, I have lots of friends down here at the Comic-Con. I have enjoyed meeting so many new people but the voices persist. Sometimes they drive me to distraction. I hope there is some really cool name for this feeling of disconnect I suffer through. If not I am going to call it "ridiculous brain lock up" disease.

I have developed an ability to work past the fear of meeting new people. I am so good at it now that I am sure most people in the room don't even know my brain is going wrong when I meet them. The part I hate the most is when I am actually standing with a group of people I know like me and my brain is sending out emergency flee signals. Usually at those times I try to pull out a funny story to calm my nerves. I am always best when I feel funny.

Don't get me wrong. I am having a great time. I am not writing this as some woe is me tale. Mostly, I just wanted to put the thoughts down. To acknowledge that despite all my work and actually growing up into a decent person I still have issues to grapple with. It is one of the reasons I have been making sure to get out to conventions. It's like geek medicine. It fills my heart with awesomeness.

Now I am going to stop banging at the keys and go hang out with friends. I will successfully ignore the voices in my head (at least until I get back to the hotel room). I know I am a square peg trying to get into a round hole but I am trying to be okay with it. Life is too short to not do what you love.

San Diego Comic-Con Almost, Maybe

I am not writing this blog from San Diego where I should be basking in the glow of Comic-Con. I should be but the transportation gods have chosen today to teach me who is boss. Not in a little way either. In a big fat we are going to fuck you hard way. Really, I feel like having a drink and smoking a cigarette right now and I don't do either of those things.

I live in the middle of nowhere. Most of the time when we want to fly somewhere we have to make the drive to Sacramento or San Francisco. This year I thought I was getting lucky because the flight out of Chico was not much more expensive. Chico is about 40 minutes away and I would have to fly in a small plane but I was stoked to not have to make the long drive.

I booked it despite the ridiculous early flight time. I got up at 3:30 this morning and was out the door by 4 am. Sheri dropped me off at the airport and turned around and went home. Everything was going smoothly. I was on the plane, the door was shut, my stomach was doing its normal Texas two-step flying dance. Then the transportation gods laughed and made me their bitch. The plane powered down. It would never power back up.

We were booted off the plane and then waited in line as the United workers tried desperately to find alternate planes for people. They were getting a lot of people out of Sacramento and I had a brief glimmer of hope as I waited my turn. I could hear them booking flights. Ordering a van to come pick up the passengers. Then it was my turn.

Since I am writing this from home I bet you can guess it didn't go as well for me. You see today is Comic-Con, there were no seats on any planes to San Diego until 8 pm. What's more it was looking like a 6 hour wait in an airport and a return trip for Sheri to come and get me while I waited for the next plane to get me out of Chico.

I did catch my first break there because I mentioned I live in Red Bluff and the United worker did a quick search and found a flight out of the Redding Airport (actually closer to our house). Instead of having to wait in the SF airport for 6 hours I was able to go home and take a nap. I leave out of Redding tonight at 5:30 pm and have only an hour and a half layover in San Francisco.

If something goes wrong with tonight's flight I have already decided I am going to make them refund my ticket, get in my car and drive. I am a little bummed. I will miss all of preview night. Even more importantly I had some friends counting on me to help them with their big party at the Hard Rock Cafe and I wasn't there to help them. They understand but it still bums me out. In the meantime, you might want to make a few sacrifices to the transportation gods for me. I would rather not go through this again tonight.

Long Road Back

It all really started going wrong for me at the ripe old age of 17. That was when I blew my knee out for the first time. It took several surgeries and a lot of rehab but I fought my way back. I also gained a bunch of weight. The first real indicator that if I wasn't exercising, I wasn't fit.

Then I blew out some discs in my back in my mid-thirties. This one was really bad and I have still never fully recovered. I again gained a lot of weight, which I eventually took off. It was a grueling weight loss because my back was always in the way.

About two years ago I hurt by back and knee playing basketball. I also began to have migraines for the first time in my life. I bet you know what happened. Yep, I gained weight. Although, not as much as the first two injuries because I did try to watch what I ate a little.

Now I am trying to claw my way back to fitness. It has been a long road back with a lot of setbacks (mostly caused by the migraines which are triggered by heat and exercise). I don't really want to make this journey again. I don't want to be overweight. Some of that is complete vanity. Some is I want to be healthy. Unhealthy men in my family seem to die at an unnaturally young age. I don't feel like tempting fate.

I have been slowly losing waistline. I am almost back into most of my t-shirts. The pants I want to fit back into are still a ways away. Shirts were the first goal. So I am happy the end is near with that one.

Even more importantly, I seem to have found the exercise limit my body can take without getting a migraine. This is a big deal because I am now going on a little over a month without missing a day of exercise (along with no migraines. I had one today but it was heat related. Cooled myself down and it went away).

I am also running again. I have run 3 miles or more, 7 of the last 9 days. I know it is strange to a lot of people but I really love to run. My time is down but I am afraid to push it too hard right now. I am just happy to be in a routine finally. My day doesn't feel complete unless I get my exercise in. This is good for me. When it becomes routine it means I will exercise even when I don't feel like it.

I had really wanted to be back in my shirts by Comic-Con but I guess I will have to take "back into a routine". I hope the next time I report back in I can report my first goal met.

Incarnators Week 2

I am pleased to say I have finally started writing the final book of the Dark Lands Trilogy. I didn't make as much progress as I wanted to. I was hoping to enter this weekend at 5000 words and I came in at 4000. Nothing devastating, I can make that up over the next few days. I am a little worried about the San Diego Comic-Con. I have a lot of things I need to do and a lot of people I need to hang with. I am going to try real hard to keep on my 1000 word a day goal. When I get back from San Diego the goal will switch to 2000 words a day until school starts back up. Then I will shoot for 2000 but give myself a break on any hard school days.

I think the beginning of this book is going to be a little more difficult than the last two. I have a few threads hanging out there and some characters that need resolutions. I have been looking at my notes a lot as I write trying to make sure I have set everything up properly. I have a lot of respect for authors who write gigantic series. I don't know they keep track of everything by the time they reach book 7.

The early part of the book has had one stand out character for me. It is one of the new point of view characters for the series. I have known I was going to write this character for a long time. In fact he was going to be one of the main characters in the first book but I decided to edit him out because it didn't fit in the flow of the story. Then I was going to put him into book two. After thinking about it I decided he really worked better in book 3. He is a very important character to this book. I think if my readers end up liking him I might go back and write a novella which fills in his back story. He has a huge back story and now having actually written a few thousand words staring him I am filling the urge to give him more time of his own on the page.

The only other early problem I had was deciding the order of the story. There are four distinct stories which have to come together (plus a little mini storyline which will pop in and out). I think I have the order ironed out. The hardest one to decide on was the character of Bolo. At first I was going to make him one of the lead point of view characters. At the start of the book he is with Jessica. So for now Jessica is the lead but I don;t think this will last all the way through the book. Next week I will be posting this blog from San Diego. Hopefully it will be chock full of all the awesome writing I have done.