Quinn McDonald's Blog, page 103

The Dream of the 18-Wheeler

Doug looked like an independent, typically flinty New Englander–tall and lean, hard-working and as  ambitious for all of his kids as he was for himself. When I first met him, years ago, he sized me up as a potential wife for his son, and I got the feeling he found me wanting. I couldn't build anything. I had no idea how to winterize the camp on Lake Winnipesaukee.

Use plumber's antifreeze to winterize a toilet. DIY directions in the link on the right. Just in case you need to know.

"You've never poured plumber's antifreeze into a toilet?" he asked, incredulous.

I had not. How could I be successful without these basic life skills?

But I had graduated from college. Even better, I'd earned a graduate degree. He respected education and hard work.  I'd been working my entire adult life. That was good. Most of all, though, he approved of me because I loved his oldest son.

Over the years, he was puzzled at some of my career decisions. Writing was a good, practical skill–but he was puzzled that I wrote things that didn't have my name on them–ads, brochures, commercials, articles and speeches that others

Speech scripts. Image courtesy of the BBC.co.UK

took credit for. That baffled him. "Don't you mind that your name isn't on it?"  he'd ask. "People wouldn't care if I said it," I explained. "But when the CEO says it, it makes people listen and act. That's fine with me."

It was difficult for him to grasp my love of art. Early on, when I was a paper maker, he could not fathom why I would grow plants, beat them into fiber by hand, and make paper without using electricity. "That's just going backwards," said the man who lived in the area of New England re-shaped by the machines of the Industrial Revolution. "I could build you a real pulp beater," he said eagerly. When I refused, he settled for building bookcases into the dining room of the house, adding a closet and building a kitchen island for his son, the chef. The shelves in the island could hold 150 pounds each, because "you never know what kind of equipment you'll be using in the kitchen".

When his car pulled up for a visit, the trunk would pop open and instead of suitcases, he would unload tools, sawhorses, and power equipment. As his daughter in law, and  until I moved to Phoenix, I had never lived in a house that did not have a closet, countertops, refinished cabinets, chair rails, a bookcase, or a kitchen island that he built and installed.

If he didn't understand my papermaking, he understood raw art journaling even less. Why anyone would write and draw and keep it private was amazing to him. Private didn't make money. And meaning-making, well that was all well and good, but you couldn't cut into it at dinner.

He'd look at drawings or journals of mine and say, "You know, you could sell this. And with a good marketing plan, you could get to the point where you'd need an 18-wheeler. Now that's a sign of success." He fixated on the 18-wheeler idea for years, bringing it up in random phone calls, at holidays, asking me if I'd done well enough to need an 18-wheeler yet. As he grew older and frailer, I grew more tolerant of the 18-wheeler conversation.

Last December, Doug was diagnosed with stage-four lung cancer. He took it as a challenge as complicated as the corner closet he built in the tiny bathroom in one of our houses. He wasn't ready just yet. But at 85, those are not decisions we get to choose.

He asked about my book–was it selling well? I'd just gotten the royalty statement, so I could figure out that I'd sold enough not only to fill one 18-wheeler, but it would have to make more than one trip. I had arrived just as he was leaving.

The storied 18-wheeler, a gift from Doug's son, an apple that did not fall far from the tree.

Doug died early this morning; some of the family was with him, and some on the way. He had a busy, work-filled life. His retirement years were filled with building, and the senior living place added a large workshop building that he managed and stocked with tools and equipment for all the woodworkers in the facility. His last piece of work was a gift for us—a wood turning of a bird house, with a tiny light inside that welcomes admiring glances with warmth and light. It will hang in our ficus-tree/ Christmas tree as a reminder of his own big heart. As big as an 18-wheeler.

--Quinn McDonald is grateful for the opportunity she could be Doug's daughter-in-law. And proud that she could finally fill up that 18-wheeler.

Filed under: Dreams, In My Life, Opinion Tagged: death and dying, definition of success, postaday2012, role models

Why Not Mention Holidays?

Over the past week, I've gotten a lot of emails reminding me to tell people "Happy Easter." Most of the emails asked why I don't often post blogs about holidays. I do, but with a different perspective.

Not everyone is ready to celebrate. Not everyone celebrates the same holidays.

The first is simple: Many people don't celebrate Easter or Christmas. That would include Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Quakers, Sikhs, Taoists, Hindus, Jehovah's Witnesses, Pagans, atheists and several others that don't jump to mind.  Those people feel left out and different in our culture. I'd like them to feel part of something inspiring and I welcome them on my blog. Creativity doesn't have a religion. I've often said that creativity IS my religion.

Second: Many people remember friends and loved ones who are no longer with them. It's easy to feel alienated and alone when people are celebrating and you feel lonely and sad. I'd like people to find a place of comfort and rest, and I try to create that on holidays.

We don't like to think about lonely and sad. It's scary, those places that require comfort and care. We don't know what to say to those who are sad. If we are suffering, we feel guilty for ruining other people's joy. It's a tough place to be, and knowing that there's a blog where you can be yourself might be a comfort.

I've posted blogs about being alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not everyone likes to be alone, but there are sports that work well–hiking, walking, jogging, even squash and handball can be played alone. Of course, I can also recommend reading or listening to audiobooks, drawing, journaling, knitting–whatever creative project heals you is a good project for when you are feeling lonely.

Celebrate the holidays that bring you joy, comfort, and community. And if you are not in the mood for celebrating, you aren't broken. Happy isn't the destination emotion, it's a way of being. And sometimes, it's hard.

–Quinn McDonald is a certified creativity coach and a holder of the space that allows for different.

 

Filed under: In My Life, Opinion Tagged: celebrating differently, Easter, postaday2012, sad on the holidays

Journey to Spiritual Self-Esteem

When Journey Cole was a little girl, she ran away from home a lot. It's how she got her nickname–from the time she was young, she had a sense of adventure.

Suitcase, packed and ready. Image by © Journey Cole, 2012 All rights reserved.

She still does. Journey is a contributor to Raw Art Journaling, and last year, when I started to talk about choosing a word for 2012, Journey told me, simply, "Spiritual Self Esteem." I had to ask her how it was going. Here's what she said:

Q: When you told me that you were working on Spiritual Self-Esteem I was fascinated. What does that mean to you?

Journey: Spiritual Self-Esteem is the most powerful Word of the Year I've ever chosen. It is a process and not an abstract idea. It means learning to live in my higher self/spirit. My spirit is not in question but my connection to it. It is an inner knowing/intuition that guides me to make better choices: What do I let go of? What do I want to create?

Q: How did you come up with this idea?

Journey: I don't make New Year's Resolutions; they don't work for me. I choose instead a word that defines a goal I would like to reach. Since I suffer from the dis-ease of feeling not good enough, my word usually applies to doing, getting, or something ego related. The idea of Spiritual Self-Esteem came when I was in meditation, which I do daily. I felt a sense of peace and gratitude, a stillness from deep within, and thought this is how I want to feel…to live in my higher self and not my ego…and the word Spiritual Self-Esteem expressed that feeling best.

Q: How does SSE come into use in your daily life–most of us have jobs that we don't consider spiritual.

Journey: My husband and I travel a lot for our work. I meet a variety of people in different locations. The opportunity to use Spiritual Self-Esteem occurs daily. I have always believed that dealing with people can be hell or used as a spiritual practice. For example, if someone is ill-tempered with me, in the past I would react from my ego, but now I ask myself would I act the same way if I were in their shoes? In my travels I've had some mature, insightful talks with children and met some childish adults.

Q: I know that you journal quite a bit. How does SSE come up in your journal entries?

Journey: My daily journal includes a lot of Spiritual Self-Esteem entries: daily encounters, questions I ask myself and how I can improve my actions and stop the reactions.

Q: SSE sounds like it's a healing practice. Do you see it that way? How?

Journey: Spiritual Self-Esteem is indeed a healing practice for me! When I am spiritually attuned, serendipitous events take place, my stress level goes down and I feel more balanced.

Q: If you were to teach a class on SSE, what would you tell the participants they could gain from your class?

Journey: I've never thought about teaching a class in Spiritual Self-Esteem because I feel it is a very personal inner journey: each person's unique connection to their higher self.

Q: How has this changed your life?

Journey: I'm slowly learning to be the observer, not the absorber. All my life I've compared my writing, artwork, etc. to that of other people. I let their criticism and rejection push my buttons. Now I find it freeing and strengthening to be the observer. This is how I define the process of Spiritual Self-Esteem.

–Quinn McDonald loves the idea of not being an absorber. A natural sponge, she is learning how to wring herself out in her journals.

Filed under: In My Life, Journal Pages, The Writing Life Tagged: postaday2012, Spiritual Self Esteem, Word of the Year

Please, Just Answer the Email

My head may spin off my neck and roll on the floor. I write clearly. I write clear emails. All questions come at the end of the email. So why do people to whom I send clear emails with questions at the end not answer the question? I would not mind if I were told, "I don't know." But that doesn't happen. This does:

This is your brain on emails.

A friend decides to sell his books. He puts them on Bookmooch. This is a kind act. I follow the link, I mooch a book, a pop-up tells me I have to join bookmooch, followed by more pop-ups of confirmation, redirection and finally, a pop-up that tells me I don't have enough points. No explanation. I write friend, summarize above, ask how to mooch a certain book. Do I get an answer that tells me how to get a book on the list? Nope. The return email says, "Bookmooch is great. You should get rid of your extras there, too." Well, I won't have any extras if I can't get them. And now, of course, I have an account with a place I don't want an account with.

Move on. I'm supposed to be interviewed on a radio show. I want to know three things: what date, what time, what place? (We'd agreed on the topic already.) My email said, "Please confirm date, time and location for interview." Eight words. It took five email exchanges to get all the information.

Today I get an email about the interview that is so garbled I think it's written by a cat chasing a bug across the keyboard. It is punctuated with random strings of dots and  hyphens,  and either someone will be sitting on my lap during the interview, or two people are booked at the same time. It's not clear. Oh, and the topic has been changed to art therapy (I'm not an art therapist) And I'm supposed to "bring cards for their groups." I have no idea to what or whom "their" refers to. Or the cards, which may or may not be business cards.

If this happened once or twice a year, I wouldn't mind. But this happens frequently. Four or more times a week. It proves that multi-tasking doesn't work nearly as well as you think it does. If you are driving, please don't email me. If you are on the phone, please don't email me. Please, by the sun god Ra, read the email I sent you, think it through, then answer the question I asked. Otherwise, I'll send you a Tweetpix of my head rolling on the floor after it has popped off.

–Quinn McDonald is banging her head on her desk, thinking of the time she wastes sending  emails only to have to follow up with a phone call, just to get an answer.

Filed under: Creativity, In My Life, Opinion Tagged: answering emails, postaday2012, Writing emails

Answering a Question with a Question

One way the ever-present inner critic gets to us is by asking rhetorical questions. You (and your inner critic) already know the answer, but the question hangs there for effect—to diminish you, or send you into a funk of embarrassment.

Castle wall made entirely out of handmade, minimally-decorated building bricks. What makes it effective is the cumulative effect of bricks. The installation is at the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix.

Last week, while I was teaching positive self-talk to a group of job seekers, one of the participants was looking for a shortcut to the right answer, and he discovered something interesting.

The task was to create new, positive self-talk from old, negative self-talk. The negative statement was, "Why would that company choose me?" The student turned it into "How can I help the company choose me?" That's brilliant. Most people, having seen too much of Stuart Smalley, say, "This company will choose me–I will get this job!" While it's positive, it often feels empty to someone who has been turned down for 45 jobs. And when it doesn't come true, it's easy to assume that positive self talk doesn't work.

This line of answering works for the inner critic, too. "What makes you think you are an artist?" turns into, "What can I do to feel more like an artist?"  When the inner critic asks, "How can you ever think you will be as good as John Doe?" you can think, "What is it I like about John Doe?" or "John Doe and I share several great characteristics."

Flipping the negative question to result in a positive answer is a great way to face your journal. It doesn't sink you into "poor me" pity parties and helps nudge you in the positive direction.

The other day I said, out loud, after an embarrassing misstep, "What was I thinking?" and almost immediately I had a better question, "What did I learn from that?"

–Quinn McDonald messes up, gets up, dusts off and moves on, taking notes all the way.

Filed under: Coaching, Journal Pages, Opinion Tagged: inner critic, positive self-talk, postaday 2012

First Sunday Kindness, on Tuesday

When Jane LaFazio asked me to join First Sunday Kindness Chronicles, it was exciting. So far, I have messed up both Sundays. It's not like the first of April wasn't clearly placed on the calendar, I simply forgot.

Lucky for me, the kindness is easy to remember and report.

A few weeks ago, I went to REI in Paradise Valley, North of Phoenix. I bought a pair of running shoes (REI and Nordstrom are the only two place that will actually help me find a pair of shoes for my odd-size feet) looked longingly at iPad covers (I loved the waterproof ones, odd for someone who lives in Phoenix, with an annual rainfall of 8 inches). I left the store with my shoes and feeling of dread, which I attributed to the cost of the shoes.

When I got home, I wanted to phone CookingMan and determine supper details, and discovered my cell phone is missing. I had a sudden realization that I was helpless–without a landline, I can't make a phone call. It's like being Amish, or in another century.

This leaf blew into my pool. None of the trees around my neighborhood (palms, citrus, jujube, palo verde, fig) have these leaves. I don't know where it came from, and if I had not gone out into the yard to watch the dawn, I would have missed it. Kindess is random, too.

I ran to the laptop to turn off and lock the phone–there's an app for that. Unfortunately, they had assigned me a password that wasn't the one I remembered. The app was helpful and immediately texted the password to . . . my phone.

While deciding which neighbor would think me less crazed if I asked to borrow their phone to call the store, I saw my cell phone already in the hands of a faux Nigerian prince using my phone to promise millions for transferring funds.

I reached REI and they asked if I knew where I'd left the phone. Tucked into the back pocket of the iPad cover, I knew. The woman on the phone found it. She would leave it in customer service, she said. When I arrived an hour later, it was there. I offered a reward that the customer service person refused. I asked to speak to the woman who found it and she said, "I've done the same thing. I can't take money for doing what someone else did for me."

That's the thing. Kindness passed on grows and spreads. That's the point.

A few weeks ago, I taught the class for the under-served, the one to help people find jobs. One of the participants was angry and combative. He interrupted often and told me I didn't understand what they were going through. Although I have a pretty good idea, I did not correct or try to fix him. I honored his anger, but spoke to him privately about his disruptive behavior.

Last Friday, while I was teaching the class again, he burst into my class. I had a flash of fear, as he's a big guy that I know is angry. He spoke to the class and said, "Listen to her. She will tell you a story about riding a motorcycle and what that has to do with your future. Listen to it. I heard it and thought it was bull****, but it turned out to be true for me. I have a job!" He then picked me up (no mean feat), and twirled me around. I had him tell the motorcycle story, and everyone applauded him. My hero of the week.

What can you do to pass on joy? Well, Bonnie Neubauer has a great idea called JoyRox. Read about it and smile. It's a good way to spread joy.

—Quinn McDonald fights anger with kindness. It's hard at first, then gets (dare she say it?) to be fun.

Filed under: Coaching, Creativity, In My Life, Links, resources, idea boosts Tagged: kindness chronicles, postaday2012, random acts of kindness

QuinnCreative on the Road

In a month, I'm going to launching a series of classes in completely different

Fish done in drawing class, yellow stripe and blue face is done in Sharpie glitter.

places. The purpose of the classes are many–to gather information for my next book, to launch an idea that I think is both powerful and interesting, and to invite people to step into their own creativity. Particularly those people who have been working with kits and finding them unsatisfying.

Here is where I will be. If you are close, if you are far away,  if you want an adventure, please join me.

May 5-6: Valley Ridge, Wisconsin. Postcards from the Other Side of Your Brain.

Who it's for: For anyone, artistic or not, who struggles with a loud, obnoxious inner critic. For those who love Monsoon Papers and want to learn how to make it.

What to expect: Two days of class that will help you work out ways to listen what the inner critic has to say, take the small hard truths out as raw material, and journal about them. (In guided visualizations). Use the writing to create your own wisdom in answering the critic.

You'll make the popular Monsoon Papers and make a holder for your free-standing journal pages. To make the free-standing journal pages, you'll also learn collage techniques with photographs, colored papers, and words.  You'll also learn meditative ink-and-water technique and found poetry. You'll create your very personal way to invite your inner critic into an open conversation with your inner advocates. You'll be surprised at the reach, deep conversation. What you learn here will be a technique you can use for the rest of your life.

How to register: Go to the Valley Ridge website and register from there. Price: $310, or under $20 an hour. There are still several places left.

Dragonfly done in drawing class.

May 18: An event in Scottsdale, AZ. I'm still working with the details, so I can't be informative. More to come.

May 31-June 2: Great American Scrapbook Convention, Arlington, TX. (Dallas Area)

Who it's for: Anyone who already works on scrapbooks but wants to try something that incorporates their very own creativity.

What to expect: This fast-paced class will help you learn how to fill journal pages with fresh ideas, big ideas, tiny ideas–all in great fun and color. You will walk away with your own masu-box of magic words, and a skill that you can use to add sparkle and punch to your journals for years.

How to register: This takes you directly to the registration page. This takes you to the home page of the Great American Scrapbook Convention.

Flowers done in drawing class, tulips done in Sharpie glitter and Twinkling H20s

June 22-23,  Great American Scrapbook Convention in Chantilly VA.

I'm going to Chantilly, Virginia, too, and teaching One Sentence Journaling there, too! So if you can't make it to Texas, click on the link to Chantilly and join the class there!

–Quinn McDonald is excited to be teaching and meeting a whole new group of people at scrapbooking conventions! Come and say hello!

Filed under: In My Life, Journal Pages, Links, resources, idea boosts Tagged: Magic words, mixed media workshops, monsoon papers, raw art

Eating Cactus with no Pain: Nopales

Road equipment protected by cactus fence.

The prickly pear cactus is nothing to laugh at. It has both long and small spines, and the small ones hurt just as much as the long ones. In some areas around Phoenix, the cactus serves as a natural fence–better than razor wire–to protect road-building equipment.

And then I read that people eat this stuff. "Right," I muttered, "and they wash it down with nice broken glass cocktails.  Prickly Pear, when prepared, creates something wonderful called "Nopales" (which means cactus in Spanish), or more often, Nopalitos, a great snack food.

Prickly pear cactus showing fruit and spines.

The broad flat leaves of the prickly pear cactus and the stems are edible. So is the fruit, which is often turned into jelly and a gum-drop like candy.

The leaves are cut and the spines pulled out. Then the eyes of spines are removed. After that, the cactus is cut into small, regular pieces. Most people cook them. Ugh. Not me. There is a strong okra-reactions when cooked. When left raw, they taste almost exactly like raw green beans sprinkled with lemon juice. Much better. No slime. You can also grill them, which avoids the problem and adds a nice smoky taste.

A prickly pear pad, cleaned, declawed, and sliced.

The best news is that nopales are sold in Mexican markets, cut up, cleaned and ready to use.

Recently I experimented with some preparation ideas. I found the best way to prepare them raw was to marinate them. Use any of the marinates below, soak them for about an hour, drain the marinade (don't rinse) and serve with toothpicks for stabbing and eating.

Marinades for Nopales

The easiest (though not the best) is bottled Italian dressing. Cover, soak for an hour or 2, drain, serve.
Mix dark sesame oil and rice wine vinegar (twice as much vinegar) to make a tart marinate. Cover, etc.
Drain a jar of pickles, use the juice as a marinade. Cover, etc.
Pour a jar of sweet pickle relish (hot dog relish) over the nopales. Cover, etc.


Mix a cup of raspberry vinegar with a tablespoon of olive oil. Add a dollop of raspberry jam, and a shot of hot pepper sauce or a few grinds of tellicherry pepper.
Pour a bottle of salsa (Spicy is good) over the nopales and marinate. Do not drain. Eat with chips.

Don't miss this great treat. Enjoy!

–Quinn McDonald is a writer who likes to cook. She's married to a personal chef, and together they make great calories together. Quinn is also a writer and artist.

Filed under: Food & Recipes, Nature, Inside and Out Tagged: eating in phoenix, mexican food, nopales, postaday2012

Q is for Quilt in QR Code

Every time I'm in a postcard swap, I learn something new. Recently, this postcard arrived in my mailbox:

"Reflection," fabric art postcard © Diane Becka. All rights reserved.

The postcard is a black-on-black postcard that this scan doesn't do justice. It's at least four black fabrics–a sky, which is a sheer over another layer, a mountain and a lake–all quilted. The different depths of the blacks, the sparkling stars, the painted moon and reflection–it was all beautiful.

Diane Becka had put her name on the back of the postcard, so I had to find out more. Diane is a quilter who makes exquisitely planned and executed art quilts. They have a kind of spare beauty that is easy to admire, because you instinctively know that there is a lot of thought, planning, and careful work in this art. One of her quilt pieces is this one:

I smiled when I saw it. It's a pattern like a QR Code–one of those squares you see associated with products. If you have an app on your smart phone, you can scan the code and get a special offer or find a website with a coupon. This QR code is a small quilt, perfectly translated.

Diane Becka's QR Code quilt. © Diane Becka, All rights reserved.

I don't use the term "perfect" loosely. I was so delighted with the QR Code quilt, I picked up my iPhone and scanned it, you know, as a joke. The quilt works. My iPhone blinked, and I was taken to Diane's website. The woman created a working QR Code as a quilt.

I felt like applauding at my computer. Creativity has all sorts of practical application. All you have to do is. . . create.

—Quinn McDonald is a writer, creativity coach and artist who has a thing for postcards.

Filed under: Links, resources, idea boosts, The Writing Life Tagged: art quilts, mixed media, postaday2012, QR code

Revenge of the Introverts

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is a book that helps introverts claim a respectable place in society. Susan Cain, a self-proclaimed introvert, takes on our culture's love of "outgoing" people. In school, kids are put in groups to learn; at work, we "collaborate" and work in teams–all difficult for introverts. Many organizations now require a personality inventory like Myers-Briggs® before a job offer is extended. Introverts are weeded out as "not fitting in."

Susan Cain's book, "Quiet"

Susan Cain sees a big link between the 1963′s publication of The Feminine Mystique and Quiet. Cain says,

"Introverts are to extroverts what women were to men at that time–second-class citizens with gigantic amounts of untapped talent. Our schools, workplaces, and religious institutions are designed for extroverts, and many introverts believe that there is something wrong with them and that they should try to "pass" as extroverts. The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and, ultimately, happiness."

I'm reading the book now, and am finding it interesting and informative. It's good to know that introverts may process more slowly, but it's also more carefully, and when they do speak, it's generally powered with information and facts, not bluster and hype.

Cain points out the advantages of being an introvert:

"introverts like to be alone–and introverts enjoy being cooperative. Studies suggest that many of the most creative people are introverts, and this is partly because of their capacity for quiet. Introverts are careful, reflective thinkers who can tolerate the solitude that idea-generation requires. On the other hand, implementing good ideas requires cooperation, and introverts are more likely to prefer cooperative environments, while extroverts favor competitive ones."

I like the mix of research and personal stories. I don't claim the book is hard science, but it is an eye opener for all the people who think that Type A workers are the only ones who can make a financially meaningful contribution.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer, creativity coach, and introvert.

Filed under: In My Life, Opinion, The Writing Life Tagged: introvert, postaday2012, quiet, susan cain