Lane Morris Buckman's Blog, page 5

Put a Nickel In

That, that, that, that that don’t kill me…

I have Kanye on the brain, so I’ve decided to be as magnificently random. I will not type in all caps, though. I am not shouting at you. Well, I might shout, but I’m not shouting AT you. I’m shouting WITH you.

Things about which I am shouting:

Does it seem like Tom Hiddleston’s butt is everywhere? Is he the new Mel Gibson? Remember the 80s, when Mel’s butt was everywhere, and people talked about how it was equality and helpful for women because it w...

Egg Hunting Lovely Things

A couple of weeks ago, I read a wonderful statement–of course, I can’t find it now–saying that when someone you love dies, the things you loved about them are not lost, but are released back into the world for you to find again in different places.

I’m a Harry Potter nerd, so I yelled, “Reverse horcruxes!”

I’ve thought about that a lot since reading it, and a lot more in the past few days as people close to me have lost people close to them.

My wish for each of those friends is for them to fi...

Long Division–the even longer way

Like a lot of parents, I am terrified of my child’s homework. Not only did I do enough of it as a child (or maybe not enough of it, if you look at my old report cards), I don’t know HOW to do his. Half of what he does is computer, or tablet based, and I am just excited when I can figure out how to dump a YouTube video into a blog entry from my phone (see below.)

We had a math meltdown the other night, when I tried to help Thor with long division. I took a glance at the way he was doing it, an...

When an iPad isn’t an iPad

I’d like to know where we got the idea that a woman’s value is directly tied to her modesty, virginity, and chastity. I mean, I know where we got the idea–there was a time when it was important for men to sell their daughters off to high bidders because something-something-economics and this-is-how-we-do, and the buyers only wanted girls they could poke holes in themselves (which is its own sadness), so fathers (and mothers) worked to keep their daughters covered up from would be hole-pokers,...

Dear Imaginary Daughter: Dating

(In which I address the daughter I never had, with the advice I always wanted to give.)

Dear Imaginary Daughter,

Remember when we were trying on bathing suits, and lamenting that it was the actual worst? Not because of us—we are perfect–but because the lighting in fitting rooms is terrible, sizing is so crazy, and cuts can be deceiving, and how weird it looks to try on a swimsuit with your underpants all wadded up in there. Also, remember how exhausted we were after the workout we got? Whew!...

Dear Imaginary Daughter: Pleasing People

(In which I address the daughter I never had, with the advice I always wanted to give.)

Dear Imaginary Daughter,

You know I think you are just right. Your father, your grandparents, your brother, and I all think you are just right. We are correct in our thinking, and I know this because I grew you. Because I grew you, and because I’ve been someone’s daughter, I am pretty sure you are already disregarding my words. Don’t.

Imaginary Daughter, there is a world out there, and it is full of people...

Dear Imaginary Daughter: Your Period

(In which I address the daughter I never had, with the advice I always wanted to give.)

Dear Imaginary Daughter,

Let’s just get this out there: having your period sucks. It does. I’m not going to sugar coat it. While it is an important thing to have because it tells you that your insides are working properly, and you are biologically eligible to catch a baby, it is messy, aggravating, and can lead to some of life’s most embarrassing moments.

People will tell you that you shouldn’t talk about...

When Your Dress is Caught in Your Pantyhose

A few months back, when I was still working in direct contact with the public as a banker, I had a woman come sit down at my desk. She was wearing a shirt with the logo of my elementary-aged son’s school district on it, and she told me proudly that she worked for one of his neighboring elementary schools.

I like talking to people who enjoy their jobs, so I started asking questions, and she was happy to answer. Pretty soon, she was happily telling me how awful it was to have to work with a sch...

Need Something to Read?

It’s been a while since I promoted my own work, but since I have that freedom again, I’m going to give my horn a big honk here.

If you like romance, I’ve got this for you:

Playing All the Angles

Dominic Phillips is an enjoyable distraction from fashion designer Eve D’Amico’s loneliness, but there’s never been anything more between them than hot sex. Since he desires no commitment from her either, it’s pretty much the perfect arrangement…except for the fact that he’s dating her sister Isabelle...

Older Than Chalk

When I was a tween and teen, the girls surrounding the rock stars and celebrities of my dreams seemed so old and mature. I was fifteen when Simon Le Bon married the then-twenty-one-year-old Yasmin Parvaneh. She might as well have been fifty for as elderly as she seemed to me.

This morning, I realized how young the same girl-gaggles are now. When I was fifteen, twenty-one seemed grown and experienced. At forty-five, I look at twenty-one and want to get it a glass of water, tuck it in at night,...