Kaje Harper's Blog, page 26
June 15, 2015
Not just one way to be transgender...
I had an interesting conversation with a trans guy who is a friend of mine. He was talking about how he's both pleased, and yet feeling a bit invisible, with recent increases in trans stories out in the public eye.
The easiest narrative to understand, about being trans, is the one where the little trans girl at the tender age of two and three and four rejects all the boy stuff - the work-boots and football jerseys and toy trucks. She insists on wearing skirts and growing her hair out and wants to play with dolls. And as she grows up, she never wavers from this stance. Eventually, she takes hormones, has surgery, and becomes the feminine dress-wearing, nailpolished girl she always wanted to be. And the little trans boy cuts his own hair short, won't wear a skirt, and wants a football helmet for his birthday.
And that is how it goes for some. Without a doubt. It's also the easiest narrative for cis-gender folk to understand - the one where the child is sure about their misgendering from the very start. The one where the trans person loves all the stereotypical trappings of their identified gender. It's not easy for those kids, by any means, but it's clear and unambiguous.
But for this trans friend of mine, and many others, it wasn't that simple. Lots of trans folk don't realize in childhood why they aren't quite at home with themselves. The differences between boys and girls in childhood are often more a matter of culture than biology.
It's sometimes only at puberty and beyond that the dysphoria begins to have a focus. Their developing bodies feel wrong, and their social roles don't fit. They may hate the way they are changing physically, or dissociate from their lives, in an uncertain way that is hard for them to understand until they are out in the world. Until the concept of "transgender" breaks through for them.
Some trans folk also want to transition, but may not want to squeeze into all the stereotypes of their identified gender. Some trans guys want to be a bit femme and wear nailpolish. Some trans girls still want to ride broncos and play hockey. Just like cis guys and girls.
The trap, though, is that for those trying to transition who don't totally conform to all the stereotypes, there is a constant second guessing by acquaintances, family, and potentially even medical professionals. "If you want to keep your hair long, are you sure you're really F2M and not just a bit gender fluid?" "If you like driving monster trucks, how can you think you're a girl?" "Are you sure you don't just wish you were thinner/taller/more athletic?"
And not every trans person wants surgery. That's not a simple topic at all. And yet there are those who think that it's the only valid proof someone is "really" trans, when they surgically change their bodies to fit. It isn't. Not wanting surgery doesn't mean you aren't "sure" or "committed" to your gender identity.
So as we try to be allies to the trans community, it's good to remember that there is no one trans story. Insisting "these people know from birth that they were mis-gendered" is a common way to try to say, "Yes, this is real!" But it's not always true, and we need to be careful that we don't exclude the individuals who take another path to their true identity, by focusing on the simplest story.
**disclaimer - the pictures are purchased stock photos; I have no reason to think these are, or are not, trans individuals.
The easiest narrative to understand, about being trans, is the one where the little trans girl at the tender age of two and three and four rejects all the boy stuff - the work-boots and football jerseys and toy trucks. She insists on wearing skirts and growing her hair out and wants to play with dolls. And as she grows up, she never wavers from this stance. Eventually, she takes hormones, has surgery, and becomes the feminine dress-wearing, nailpolished girl she always wanted to be. And the little trans boy cuts his own hair short, won't wear a skirt, and wants a football helmet for his birthday.
And that is how it goes for some. Without a doubt. It's also the easiest narrative for cis-gender folk to understand - the one where the child is sure about their misgendering from the very start. The one where the trans person loves all the stereotypical trappings of their identified gender. It's not easy for those kids, by any means, but it's clear and unambiguous.
But for this trans friend of mine, and many others, it wasn't that simple. Lots of trans folk don't realize in childhood why they aren't quite at home with themselves. The differences between boys and girls in childhood are often more a matter of culture than biology.
It's sometimes only at puberty and beyond that the dysphoria begins to have a focus. Their developing bodies feel wrong, and their social roles don't fit. They may hate the way they are changing physically, or dissociate from their lives, in an uncertain way that is hard for them to understand until they are out in the world. Until the concept of "transgender" breaks through for them.
Some trans folk also want to transition, but may not want to squeeze into all the stereotypes of their identified gender. Some trans guys want to be a bit femme and wear nailpolish. Some trans girls still want to ride broncos and play hockey. Just like cis guys and girls.
The trap, though, is that for those trying to transition who don't totally conform to all the stereotypes, there is a constant second guessing by acquaintances, family, and potentially even medical professionals. "If you want to keep your hair long, are you sure you're really F2M and not just a bit gender fluid?" "If you like driving monster trucks, how can you think you're a girl?" "Are you sure you don't just wish you were thinner/taller/more athletic?"
And not every trans person wants surgery. That's not a simple topic at all. And yet there are those who think that it's the only valid proof someone is "really" trans, when they surgically change their bodies to fit. It isn't. Not wanting surgery doesn't mean you aren't "sure" or "committed" to your gender identity.
So as we try to be allies to the trans community, it's good to remember that there is no one trans story. Insisting "these people know from birth that they were mis-gendered" is a common way to try to say, "Yes, this is real!" But it's not always true, and we need to be careful that we don't exclude the individuals who take another path to their true identity, by focusing on the simplest story.
**disclaimer - the pictures are purchased stock photos; I have no reason to think these are, or are not, trans individuals.
June 11, 2015
Friends, reviews and love
For someone with a bunch of books out, I'm still fumbling around to find the best way to share my excitement over them with readers. I've had so many lovely reviews over the last few years (Thank you, wonderful reviewers!!), and my response has always been to do happy dances in private. But a dear friend (yes, you, Edmond Manning) told me that readers don't mind being directed to a few of the good reviews.In fact, he insisted I should toot my horn a bit more.
For those who know me, you know I loathe tooting my own horn. Horn tooter, I am not. In fact, when it’s time for horn tooting, I run out of the house, down the street, and climb a tall tree, hiding in the branches. As much as I love to write, I have an innate desire to throw my books to the public and run.
But.
I do want to share Life, Some Assembly Required (The Rebuilding Year #2) with friends and readers who like my work. I want you to know I’m proud of this book. I like how it turned out.
So if you will permit me to share with you a few quotes from earlier reviewers, I’ll do that. If you’d like to talk to me, post a comment, or PM me. I’ll be sitting up in the tallest tree at the end of the street. ~
From Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words:
"Kaje Harper’s The Rebuilding Year was one of my favorite books of 2012. It was the story of two seemingly “straight” men at an unsettled point in their lives, a time where they are discarding their past and trying to rebuild a future for themselves, and in John’s case, hopefully for his children as well. Now comes the sequel, Life, Some Assembly Required (The Rebuilding Year #2) and, with this story, I found myself falling back in love with John and Ryan, and their relationship. Never quite the fan of the “gay for you” trope, Harper made a serious argument for John and Ryan’s feelings in the first book.
"I love how Harper lets us see into their decision making process and relationship dynamics through their conversations, actions and lovemaking. Harper allows her characters the strength and depth that lets them act responsibility and respectfully towards themselves and those around them. Yes, this is a book about grownups in a thoughtful adult relationship."
***
From Hearts on Fire Reviews:
"The long-awaited sequel to “The Rebuilding Year”, this book was everything I could have hoped for, and more! What I loved most about this story, besides the characters themselves, is the way the situations were handled. The way the men just took life a day at a time helped to strengthen their own relationship in the midst of chaos. These are ordinary guys who have an extraordinary love for each other, but who live otherwise conventional lives and continually draw together to reinforce their relationship, rather than be torn apart by the push and pull of family dynamics.
"It is such a pleasure to read Kaje Harper’s writing. Her writing style is engaging, her characters are three-dimensional, and the situations are realistic. The fact that this couple worked together to overcome family prejudices and pressure from both John’s ex-wife and Ryan’s brother, while maintaining their strong bond and growing closer together, made this book an absolute pleasure to read. I wish these guys were my neighbors."
***
From Love Bytes Reviews:
"The Rebuilding Year is one of my all time favourite books. It fuelled my addiction for gay-for-you storylines and cemented my opinion that Kaje Harper is one of the best m/m writers that I’ve read. So finding out that there was a sequel to that book was both ridiculously exciting and kind of scary. As much as I was desperate to discover what happened next, sequels have the potential to ruin the first book and the idea of that happening to The Rebuilding Year was terrifying. I’ve only read the book about ten times. I’ve still got many re-reads left in me. Luckily, this book gave me exactly what I needed to contentedly leave Ryan and John living their happily ever after."
***
I also have an interview and another kind review on The Nocturnal Library where Maja asked me some fun questions about my writing in general and this book in particular.
It's so wonderful for me as an author to see people enjoying my books. And I had to laugh with pleasure when one of the mid-range reviews (from Dani(ela) on Goodreads) started out with "So here's the thing: Kaje Harper can write the shit out of anything. I appreciate her books because they are often about real people, real life."
Even when one book or another isn't a perfect fit for someone, I still have the very best readers around. They make me believe that my stories are worth publishing, worth promoting, even if it's from up in that tall tree, and with a push from a friend. :)
June 8, 2015
"Life, Some Assembly Required" release day
Life, Some Assembly Required, the sequel to "The Rebuilding Year" is now available at Samhain Publishing where there's a new release discount :), at All Romance ebooks, and very soon on Amazon US.
Finding love in the ashes was easy. Building a life together? Don’t make Fate laugh.
After spending the first part of his life chasing pretty girls, love has finally come to Ryan in the form of John, a tall, lanky, red-headed landscape architect with wide shoulders and a five-o’clock shadow.
For the first time in his life, love feels easy. Hell, he even ran into a burning building for John and his son, and he’d do it again if he had to. But telling his father and brothers “I’m gay. I’ve met a man”? That’s a bumpy ride he’s not looking forward to.
For John, loving Ryan is as natural as breathing. Now if only the rest of his life would fall into place. Dealing with his teen son is complicated enough, but with his ex-wife causing trouble and his daughter wanting to move in, John’s house—and his relationship with Ryan—threaten to split at the seams.
Would one month without a new surprise knocking him upside the heart be asking too much? If the sound of Fate’s laughter is any indication, the answer must be yes…
Product Warnings
Contains two formerly straight guys learning to navigate the gay-guy waters, sometimes without a paddle. Plus six kinds of family ensuring nothing comes easy
~ ~ ~
I ran a drawing for a free ebook copy this past week, and the winner from my Goodreads blog here was: Aislinn - I'll be PM-ing you shortly. Thanks to everyone who stopped by - your comments were lovely.
I hope those of you who enjoyed seeing John and Ryan find each other will like this tale of what happens next, when falling in love turns to building a blended and complicated family.
Over the last three years, so many people have taken John and Ryan to their hearts.
Here is the other half of their Rebuilding Year.
June 4, 2015
I hear voices...
I hear voices in my head
Of course, as a writer, many times voices are a good thing. They whisper lines to me, make bad jokes, tell me about their fears, complain, breathe secrets, and lead me forward to a story. Or more than one story.
I often get asked how I plan which book to write, how I come up with ideas, and whether story X will get a sequel. It's a bit weird to say, “The voices tell me,” but it's kind of the truth.
Now don't worry; I'm not suggesting that I can't tell real conversation with my brother from Zach nagging me that he wants to see Aaron in a tux. I'm not confused about who in my life wears flesh and blood and who doesn't. But I've often wondered if non-writers' brains are… quieter.
If you don't write, can you sit in a calm place without your brain starting to fit it into a story? When you close a good book, do the characters stop talking?
I am in awe of the writers who seem to have wrestled order from their characters. They plan out series and releases, choosing the right sequence of books and dates for maximum impact. So very cool. So very not me.
Take “Life, Some Assembly Required”, and its upcoming release on June 9th … More than three years after the first book, “The Rebuilding Year.” That's no one's idea of perfect timing. But then I hadn't planned on a sequel at all. I thought I would leave my characters there, with Ryan on the phone, standing beside John in their kitchen, after the events of the first book. Lots of scope for imagination, with the main issues sorted out. Happy for Now, which is all you can get from real life while you are still living it.
Except that over time, as I wrote other things, there were voices in my head that wouldn't shut up. And frankly, the loudest was Torey's.
Torey is John's twelve-year-old daughter. In the first book, she's not given as much presence on page as her bother, Mark, or either of her parents. She's a bit of a chess-piece, not overlooked, but subordinate to the needs of her unhappy brother, her difficult mother, the constraints of court custody decisions and so on. I don't think it could have realistically gone differently for her in that book, but for two years, Torey had been letting me know she wasn't happy. Ever more loudly. It wasn't fair. Guys got all the luck and girls were afterthoughts. She'd been shunted aside.
Ouch.
But you can't base an M/M book on the voice of a twelve-year-old girl, really, so I wasn't paying full attention. Then Ryan chimed in. He wanted to know what his father had said, on the other end of that phone call that I dropped in mid-word with “The End.” He wondered what came next in building a family with John. And he was firmly in Torey's corner. She deserved more.
He frankly wanted me to run over John's ex-wife Cynthia with a steamroller, and send both the kids home to John forever. Ryan is not a fan of Cynthia's. I had to remind him that trying to be a realistic author is not quite compatible with dropping a house out of the sky on the Wicked Witch. Even if it would be fun (which it would, because I'm not a big fan of Cynthia's either, although I try to understand her.) He said, “Well, then what?”
And so, over two years after publishing “The Rebuilding Year”, and four years after I wrote it, I found myself typing…
Chapter One
Ryan felt an annoying trickle of sweat sliding down the side of his neck. He was
determined to ignore it. There were good reasons for him to be overheated, for the wetness
of his palm where he clutched the phone. The kitchen was too warm, and John was standing close behind him, a solid, heat-radiating bulk at his back. Plus he’d just given John one hell of a blowjob, which was vigorous exercise of a sort. Then he’d gotten up off the floor too fast and tweaked his bad leg, and that always made him sweat.
It wasn’t that he was scared to hear what his father was going to say. Wasn’t. He pressed the silent phone to his ear...
. . .
And… the story began to unfold. Not always in the ways I expected. I'd hoped to keep Cynthia at a distance. Not out of the book – unless I did steamroller her, she'd have to be there as the mother of John's kids, especially with custody an ongoing issue. But I'd planned for her to be less central. Didn't turn out that way.
The conflict I'd thought was going to be hardest for John and Ryan fizzled, when Ryan refused to do what I'd thought he would, logically, for his career. He said no. Flatly.
The fun of being a pantser, as a writer, is that I watch the story unfold as I write, sometimes with surprises. It's like reading, in a way, but better. The downside is that I don't feel as God-like. I can't seem to steer the result if it goes against the grain of the characters. Somehow, planning too much instead of going with the flow flattens and dries out the story for me.
So this one wrote itself, with good times and bad, favorite characters, annoying ones, moments of fun, moments of frustration, moments of grace. It won't please everyone who took John and Ryan to their hearts in the first book, but then nothing will. (I'm amused to see ARC reviews that say what John does is both the best, and the worst, part of this story. The joy of diversity of opinions.) I had fun writing it, and hearing all these characters' voices in my head again, together.
I'm going to give you a little excerpt below. Forewarning - it may be spoilerish for Book One.
I hope you have fun seeing the guys again.
And if you made it this far, leave a comment below, to be entered in a drawing for a free ebook copy of Life, Some Assembly Required. I'll draw one winner from each of my Wordpress, and Goodreads posts. Entries will close at midnight CST on June 8th. Thanks for stopping by to read.
Chapter Three
They made it home from campus by six thirty. Mark, sitting between them on the
truck’s bench seat, was gloomy and silent. John wanted to say something wise and fatherly
about the fire or the band or the friend who got shot, but he didn’t know which one Mark
was worrying about. Not to mention that acting wise was hard to pull off in the eyes of a
fifteen-year-old boy.
Ryan was just as quiet. Tired? Painful leg? Dreading the looming Skype with his dad?
John decided that telepathy would be good to have, if his guys were going to go all silent
on him. When they got home, Mark mumbled something about not being hungry and took
the stairs two at a time up to his room.
John called after him, “Dinner isn’t optional.”
Ryan said, “I need to check my email. Call me when it’s ready?” He disappeared into the
front parlor that had become his office, and shut the door.
John was left standing in the entryway. “Well, hell. What am I? Little Suzy Homemaker?
‘Call me when dinner’s ready?’ Really?”
He stomped upstairs and took a shower. The hot water and the noise soothed him,
keeping him from knowing if Mark was studying or just playing three chords over and over
on his guitar again, and from hearing if Ry was swearing at his computer screen. His cell
phone could ring with news that the biggest tree on campus was down, and he didn’t know
and couldn’t be expected to care as long as he was in the shower. It took the water getting
not just cool but cold to finally drive him out.
He dressed, checked his phone to make sure that biggest-tree-falling thing was only in
his head, and then went to the kitchen. It was his night to cook. Or to arrange dinner, since
the fridge was papered with fliers from every takeout place in town. Most weeknights, they
did that. But tonight he wanted to actually make something home-cooked for his guys.
He put frozen fries into the oven, frozen green beans into boiling water, pork chops in a
pan. See? Cooking isn’t that hard. He cleaned the counter while everything was cooking and
wiped down the fridge. Swept the floor. Ryan would like that. Put out real plates instead of
paper, thought about vacuuming, and then sat down hard at the table. What the hell? Maybe
he really was some kind of frustrated housewife.
A sudden memory hit him, the first time he met Cynthia’s father. Near the end of tenth grade, when he and Cynthia had already been dating for months. Her mother had been sick by
then with the cancer that eventually took her, and her dad was doing everything. He’d looked
at John, tired eyes locked on his. “You treat her right, you hear me?” And John had answered, “I
will. Always. I promise.”
They’d gone out with a bunch of friends on a boat on the lake. The boat was big enough
to have a cabin, and three of the other couples had taken turns in there, enjoying the private
space. But he and Cynthia had stayed on deck. He’d put an arm around her, watched the way
her sunshine hair blew across her face, and felt a love and protectiveness so deep in his bones
that it hurt. And then he’d taken her safely home with just a kiss...
Ryan came in limping with one crutch and looked at him. “Smells good. When will it
be ready? We’re supposed to Skype with Dad in twenty minutes.”
Ah hell, John realized, it’s meet-the-parents-night again.
…......
Life, Some Assembly Required is available for preorder on Samhain Publishing, at Amazon and on All Romance ebooks . It will release on June 9th.
Remember to comment below to enter the drawing through June 8th, for a free ebook copy.
Of course, as a writer, many times voices are a good thing. They whisper lines to me, make bad jokes, tell me about their fears, complain, breathe secrets, and lead me forward to a story. Or more than one story.
I often get asked how I plan which book to write, how I come up with ideas, and whether story X will get a sequel. It's a bit weird to say, “The voices tell me,” but it's kind of the truth.
Now don't worry; I'm not suggesting that I can't tell real conversation with my brother from Zach nagging me that he wants to see Aaron in a tux. I'm not confused about who in my life wears flesh and blood and who doesn't. But I've often wondered if non-writers' brains are… quieter.
If you don't write, can you sit in a calm place without your brain starting to fit it into a story? When you close a good book, do the characters stop talking?
I am in awe of the writers who seem to have wrestled order from their characters. They plan out series and releases, choosing the right sequence of books and dates for maximum impact. So very cool. So very not me.
Take “Life, Some Assembly Required”, and its upcoming release on June 9th … More than three years after the first book, “The Rebuilding Year.” That's no one's idea of perfect timing. But then I hadn't planned on a sequel at all. I thought I would leave my characters there, with Ryan on the phone, standing beside John in their kitchen, after the events of the first book. Lots of scope for imagination, with the main issues sorted out. Happy for Now, which is all you can get from real life while you are still living it.
Except that over time, as I wrote other things, there were voices in my head that wouldn't shut up. And frankly, the loudest was Torey's.
Torey is John's twelve-year-old daughter. In the first book, she's not given as much presence on page as her bother, Mark, or either of her parents. She's a bit of a chess-piece, not overlooked, but subordinate to the needs of her unhappy brother, her difficult mother, the constraints of court custody decisions and so on. I don't think it could have realistically gone differently for her in that book, but for two years, Torey had been letting me know she wasn't happy. Ever more loudly. It wasn't fair. Guys got all the luck and girls were afterthoughts. She'd been shunted aside.
Ouch.
But you can't base an M/M book on the voice of a twelve-year-old girl, really, so I wasn't paying full attention. Then Ryan chimed in. He wanted to know what his father had said, on the other end of that phone call that I dropped in mid-word with “The End.” He wondered what came next in building a family with John. And he was firmly in Torey's corner. She deserved more.
He frankly wanted me to run over John's ex-wife Cynthia with a steamroller, and send both the kids home to John forever. Ryan is not a fan of Cynthia's. I had to remind him that trying to be a realistic author is not quite compatible with dropping a house out of the sky on the Wicked Witch. Even if it would be fun (which it would, because I'm not a big fan of Cynthia's either, although I try to understand her.) He said, “Well, then what?”
And so, over two years after publishing “The Rebuilding Year”, and four years after I wrote it, I found myself typing…
Chapter One
Ryan felt an annoying trickle of sweat sliding down the side of his neck. He was
determined to ignore it. There were good reasons for him to be overheated, for the wetness
of his palm where he clutched the phone. The kitchen was too warm, and John was standing close behind him, a solid, heat-radiating bulk at his back. Plus he’d just given John one hell of a blowjob, which was vigorous exercise of a sort. Then he’d gotten up off the floor too fast and tweaked his bad leg, and that always made him sweat.
It wasn’t that he was scared to hear what his father was going to say. Wasn’t. He pressed the silent phone to his ear...
. . .
And… the story began to unfold. Not always in the ways I expected. I'd hoped to keep Cynthia at a distance. Not out of the book – unless I did steamroller her, she'd have to be there as the mother of John's kids, especially with custody an ongoing issue. But I'd planned for her to be less central. Didn't turn out that way.
The conflict I'd thought was going to be hardest for John and Ryan fizzled, when Ryan refused to do what I'd thought he would, logically, for his career. He said no. Flatly.
The fun of being a pantser, as a writer, is that I watch the story unfold as I write, sometimes with surprises. It's like reading, in a way, but better. The downside is that I don't feel as God-like. I can't seem to steer the result if it goes against the grain of the characters. Somehow, planning too much instead of going with the flow flattens and dries out the story for me.
So this one wrote itself, with good times and bad, favorite characters, annoying ones, moments of fun, moments of frustration, moments of grace. It won't please everyone who took John and Ryan to their hearts in the first book, but then nothing will. (I'm amused to see ARC reviews that say what John does is both the best, and the worst, part of this story. The joy of diversity of opinions.) I had fun writing it, and hearing all these characters' voices in my head again, together.
I'm going to give you a little excerpt below. Forewarning - it may be spoilerish for Book One.
I hope you have fun seeing the guys again.
And if you made it this far, leave a comment below, to be entered in a drawing for a free ebook copy of Life, Some Assembly Required. I'll draw one winner from each of my Wordpress, and Goodreads posts. Entries will close at midnight CST on June 8th. Thanks for stopping by to read.
Chapter Three
They made it home from campus by six thirty. Mark, sitting between them on the
truck’s bench seat, was gloomy and silent. John wanted to say something wise and fatherly
about the fire or the band or the friend who got shot, but he didn’t know which one Mark
was worrying about. Not to mention that acting wise was hard to pull off in the eyes of a
fifteen-year-old boy.
Ryan was just as quiet. Tired? Painful leg? Dreading the looming Skype with his dad?
John decided that telepathy would be good to have, if his guys were going to go all silent
on him. When they got home, Mark mumbled something about not being hungry and took
the stairs two at a time up to his room.
John called after him, “Dinner isn’t optional.”
Ryan said, “I need to check my email. Call me when it’s ready?” He disappeared into the
front parlor that had become his office, and shut the door.
John was left standing in the entryway. “Well, hell. What am I? Little Suzy Homemaker?
‘Call me when dinner’s ready?’ Really?”
He stomped upstairs and took a shower. The hot water and the noise soothed him,
keeping him from knowing if Mark was studying or just playing three chords over and over
on his guitar again, and from hearing if Ry was swearing at his computer screen. His cell
phone could ring with news that the biggest tree on campus was down, and he didn’t know
and couldn’t be expected to care as long as he was in the shower. It took the water getting
not just cool but cold to finally drive him out.
He dressed, checked his phone to make sure that biggest-tree-falling thing was only in
his head, and then went to the kitchen. It was his night to cook. Or to arrange dinner, since
the fridge was papered with fliers from every takeout place in town. Most weeknights, they
did that. But tonight he wanted to actually make something home-cooked for his guys.
He put frozen fries into the oven, frozen green beans into boiling water, pork chops in a
pan. See? Cooking isn’t that hard. He cleaned the counter while everything was cooking and
wiped down the fridge. Swept the floor. Ryan would like that. Put out real plates instead of
paper, thought about vacuuming, and then sat down hard at the table. What the hell? Maybe
he really was some kind of frustrated housewife.
A sudden memory hit him, the first time he met Cynthia’s father. Near the end of tenth grade, when he and Cynthia had already been dating for months. Her mother had been sick by
then with the cancer that eventually took her, and her dad was doing everything. He’d looked
at John, tired eyes locked on his. “You treat her right, you hear me?” And John had answered, “I
will. Always. I promise.”
They’d gone out with a bunch of friends on a boat on the lake. The boat was big enough
to have a cabin, and three of the other couples had taken turns in there, enjoying the private
space. But he and Cynthia had stayed on deck. He’d put an arm around her, watched the way
her sunshine hair blew across her face, and felt a love and protectiveness so deep in his bones
that it hurt. And then he’d taken her safely home with just a kiss...
Ryan came in limping with one crutch and looked at him. “Smells good. When will it
be ready? We’re supposed to Skype with Dad in twenty minutes.”
Ah hell, John realized, it’s meet-the-parents-night again.
…......
Life, Some Assembly Required is available for preorder on Samhain Publishing, at Amazon and on All Romance ebooks . It will release on June 9th.
Remember to comment below to enter the drawing through June 8th, for a free ebook copy.
May 17, 2015
Opening hearts and minds to trans*
Hop Against Homophobia, Bi- and Transphobia 2015!I signed up for the Hop this year without time for a lot of planning (given a book deadline on the 15th). So I'm just going to talk about what's in my heart right now, on this May 17th - International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia .
The last few years have seen significant advances in LGBTQ rights, with real hope for equal marriage in Ireland, by upcoming national vote, and in the US, by Supreme Court decision. We hold our breath waiting. We can see the rainbow coming.
There have even been advances in acceptance of gender minority individuals. And fighting transphobia is vital. There's a statistic that terrifies all of us who know and love someone, especially a teen, who is trans*: 41% of transgender individuals have attempted suicide at least once. Compared to about 2% for the general population.
There are genderqueer folk in my family. People I love. I know the challenges they face every day from within their own bodies. I dream of a time when those challenges are not made worse by the attitudes of society around them.
Good things are happening.
We are seeing a transman poised to be the cover guy for a big national men's magazine.
We've been delighted by an out trans girl elected prom queen
Seen a trans teen model for a major cosmetic product campaign.
We've watched a popular androgenous model transition all the way and show how someone can be gorgeous and stunning at different places all along the gender spectrum.
We cheered as Conchita Wurst proved that talent, style, and world-wide recognition can go along with genderbending style.
We even have a celebrity in Bruce Jenner whose journey from male to female is putting gender identity into the public eye from newsstands to supermarkets. (Not always presented in a positive way, but just having people understand the possibility is a huge step forward.)
But at the same time, we have public figures like some Republican politicians who want to fine and even arrest trans people for using their gender-appropriate bathrooms. We have preachers spewing hate from their Sunday pulpits. Bullying of LGBTQ people on the national scale, coming from popular conservative spokesmen and opportunistic politicians and evangelical religious figures, enables and encourages bullying at home and in schools. We've seen parents' rejection and peer harassment kill trans kids, quite literally.
Even one child lost to despair is too many, and this year my news feed has been far too full of young people who couldn't hold onto hope. 17 years old. 15. 18. 12. They are F2M. M2F. Faces of dead children who fought bravely to be who they knew they were inside, but lost the battle to keep going. For them, the world was far from changed enough.
So I find myself caught between hope and pain, between joy at the first signs of acceptance for genderqueer folk in the wider society, and seething rage at those who enable and encourage hate.
On my own, I can't change the world. I can't keep it from hurting people I love when someone who might become president of the United States calls them an "abomination" and demands that "normal" children be protected from them. I can't keep that gay guy in the bar from calling my trans guy a "dyke" and a "fake." I can love and cherish and support them with my last breath, but it's not enough to make their lives comfortable or safe.
But luckily, I'm not alone. There are all of you reading this blog. And many, many more, who are changing the world along with me. Some of you may never have knowingly met a transgender individual, or known someone who was genderfluid, or intersex or agendered. Maybe you're just starting to explore the world of the LGBTQIAP rainbow. But when you accept that there is not one right way to be a woman, or a man, when you open your heart to love of all kinds, and people of all kinds, you take that first step into a world of equality.
I want to encourage you to consciously include support for all gender and sexual minorities in the opening of your heart. You don't need to know everything, be aware of all the details, understand all the acronyms and labels, to believe we all have worth. Each of us contributes something unique and valuable to the human experience. And for those whose gender identity doesn't fit the body they were born with, or whose body doesn't fit the common mold, your acceptance and support matters even more.
If you are interested in learning more, there are websites and books, fact and fiction, to help you move beyond Gay and Lesbian to the rest of the alphabet. If you're curious, one of the longest list of LGBTQ terms I've found is here: http://haveagaydayorg.tumblr.com/Iden... (Some of these I'd never heard of, some are not often used, but labels can be useful tools to understand ourselves.) Just a few days ago the LA times wrote a brief but clear piece on trans issues. (http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-t...) There are blogs written by people who are living their authentic lives, and who share their thoughts to help us understand them.
Fiction can be another way to understand people better. There are novels which introduce readers to genderqueer main characters. One with a trans main character that I recently enjoyed in the M/M genre is "The Burnt Toast B&B" by Heidi Belleau and Rachel Haimowitz - a fun gay romance that is neither heavy nor angsty. If you have other favorites with genderqueer MCs I'd love to have you mention them in the comments. And I just finished writing a book with an F2M main character. Carlos will appear in "Chasing DeathMetal Dreams" as a free novel sometime this summer. If even one person reads about Carlos, and finds a better understanding and acceptance of transgender people, that will give this fictional entertainment an added purpose.
The fun part of this hop, if you made it down this far, is a drawing for a prize. In my case, I'm giving away 2 ebooks of any book from my backlist, or ARCs of Life, Some Assembly Required. I'll do two separate drawings, one here and one on my Wordpress blog, at midnight May 24th when the hop ends. Just comment below - I'll message the winner.
Below is the link to move on to other places on this hop. Look for the blue bar to the right with the participants links. Good luck winning prizes as you check out what everyone has to say today, and thanks for stopping by. http://hopagainsthomophobia.blogspot....
May 6, 2015
Supporting bigotry in high places
There's a crude video game recently released out there that gives players points for protecting heterosexual game characters, by shooting the faggots - the guys in pink shirts, making their heads explode in blood. Oh, yeah, and you get even more points by identifying and shooting the tranny freaks. Like my kids.
You lose points if you shoot the good heterosexuals.
Am I appalled? Of course. And while, yes, this is one person and his gleeful fans, and the big distributor dropped it after two hours (but allowed it up for two hours!) and there will always be haters, that's a cop-out. What does appall me most is the way this attitude has been fostered, at the highest levels of our society.
"I do not construe homosexual rights as human rights." - Chris Smith, national GOP congressman, about people being thrown in prison just for being gay
"My thoughts are that marriage is between a man and a woman. It's a well-established, fundamental pillar of society, and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality, it doesn’t matter what they are, they don’t get to change the definition. " - Ben Carson, GOP Presidential Candidate (note the words "what" they are, gay or bestiality)
Florida GOPs moved an anti-transgender bathroom law forward, stating the need to keep trans folk to the bathroom for their biological sex because "Single-sex public facilities are places of increased vulnerability and present the potential for crimes against individuals using those facilities, including, but not limited to, assault, battery, molestation, rape, voyeurism, and exhibitionism"
Every single GOP Presidential candidate has spoken out against gay marriage, against gay adoption and gay foster parents - to "protect" children and people and institutions of faith.
They have framed equal rights as an attack on "normal" Americans. The LGBTQ folk are a danger and a threat.
And their colleagues have voted that way, time and again, along party lines.
This attitude encourages Americans to feel justified, even proud, of violent bigotry. They are "protecting" their church and their way of life. Sure, these candidates may say, "I never meant it to go that far" if some real person is injured or commits suicide. But with every statement, they encourage the view that LGBTQ folk are less than equal, less than human, less than worthy of protection or the life offered a straight, white, male "Christian" American.
They enable hatred. They enable violence. Their casual pandering to that viewpoint makes me feel ill for the fate of true American values of equality and justice.
I know we authors are supposed to stay out of politics. This might lose me some readers. But I have two genderqueer kids. And the Republican party, if in power, would deny them protection, in jobs or in housing, deny them the right to marry or adopt kids, force my kid who shaves every day to stick to women's washrooms where "she" belongs. Or potentially face arrest, fines, prison.
I cannot imagine, with a clear humanitarian conscience, voting Republican in America today. I feel sad for those who wished to work from within the GOP, because you cannot work from within when every major candidate holds bigoted views. I don't care if they could turn straw to gold and cut government paperwork in half. I don't care what great ideas they might have. Nothing makes up for encouraging discrimination, bigotry, and hatred against your fellow citizens, simply for who they are and who they love. Nothing.
The HRC keeps a record of "Your Elected Officials." If you think your legislator is different, look at how they vote, as well as what they say. Too often, even someone who sounds reasonable, votes along party lines when the chips fall. We MUST NOT allow our elected leaders to condone bigotry, and encourage discrimination, on any grounds. Your voice counts.
It's a long way yet to the election, but the statements our leaders are making, every day, emboldens people who think shooting my kids "protects people from the tranny freaks" and is worth lots of fun all-American points.
You lose points if you shoot the good heterosexuals.
Am I appalled? Of course. And while, yes, this is one person and his gleeful fans, and the big distributor dropped it after two hours (but allowed it up for two hours!) and there will always be haters, that's a cop-out. What does appall me most is the way this attitude has been fostered, at the highest levels of our society.
"I do not construe homosexual rights as human rights." - Chris Smith, national GOP congressman, about people being thrown in prison just for being gay
"My thoughts are that marriage is between a man and a woman. It's a well-established, fundamental pillar of society, and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality, it doesn’t matter what they are, they don’t get to change the definition. " - Ben Carson, GOP Presidential Candidate (note the words "what" they are, gay or bestiality)
Florida GOPs moved an anti-transgender bathroom law forward, stating the need to keep trans folk to the bathroom for their biological sex because "Single-sex public facilities are places of increased vulnerability and present the potential for crimes against individuals using those facilities, including, but not limited to, assault, battery, molestation, rape, voyeurism, and exhibitionism"
Every single GOP Presidential candidate has spoken out against gay marriage, against gay adoption and gay foster parents - to "protect" children and people and institutions of faith.
They have framed equal rights as an attack on "normal" Americans. The LGBTQ folk are a danger and a threat.
And their colleagues have voted that way, time and again, along party lines.
This attitude encourages Americans to feel justified, even proud, of violent bigotry. They are "protecting" their church and their way of life. Sure, these candidates may say, "I never meant it to go that far" if some real person is injured or commits suicide. But with every statement, they encourage the view that LGBTQ folk are less than equal, less than human, less than worthy of protection or the life offered a straight, white, male "Christian" American.
They enable hatred. They enable violence. Their casual pandering to that viewpoint makes me feel ill for the fate of true American values of equality and justice.
I know we authors are supposed to stay out of politics. This might lose me some readers. But I have two genderqueer kids. And the Republican party, if in power, would deny them protection, in jobs or in housing, deny them the right to marry or adopt kids, force my kid who shaves every day to stick to women's washrooms where "she" belongs. Or potentially face arrest, fines, prison.
I cannot imagine, with a clear humanitarian conscience, voting Republican in America today. I feel sad for those who wished to work from within the GOP, because you cannot work from within when every major candidate holds bigoted views. I don't care if they could turn straw to gold and cut government paperwork in half. I don't care what great ideas they might have. Nothing makes up for encouraging discrimination, bigotry, and hatred against your fellow citizens, simply for who they are and who they love. Nothing.
The HRC keeps a record of "Your Elected Officials." If you think your legislator is different, look at how they vote, as well as what they say. Too often, even someone who sounds reasonable, votes along party lines when the chips fall. We MUST NOT allow our elected leaders to condone bigotry, and encourage discrimination, on any grounds. Your voice counts.
It's a long way yet to the election, but the statements our leaders are making, every day, emboldens people who think shooting my kids "protects people from the tranny freaks" and is worth lots of fun all-American points.
April 28, 2015
It is up to all of us
As we wait to see if US law will protect LGBT marriage... As we watch angry people turn to violence against oppression... It is important to remember:
We are all responsible. For bullying. For abuse of power. All of us.
I see people pointing fingers a lot, and talking about how this person or that should have done more to stop an abusive behavior in various venues, and I think, "We all need to actually live like we believe that, if we want it to happen."
We are a culture, perhaps a species, that values Loyalty over Honesty and Integrity. We can learn to do better, but we need to try.
Bullies thrive on this. In the schools ("don't be a tattletale"), in the churches ("he's God's chosen"), in the military ("obey your superiors without question"), in the police force ("don't break the blue wall") and in politics ("hold the party line').
We don't reward whistleblowers, no matter how we pay lip service. We vilify them. They often suffer more punishment than the people they report. It is possible to report your superiors for confirmed TORTURE and be the only one who goes to jail.
School bullies get slap on the wrist suspensions, and then are sent back into the school with their victim with no other measures taken. The victim may be equally punished for fighting back. They may even be prosecuted for filming their abuse.
If you tell Americans their privacy has been violated in unthinkable ways, you may have to flee for your life and hole up in a foreign embassy.
I know a gay man who sat in a room full of unaware cops, while one of them explained how a gay cop in his department would be shown Southern hospitality with a noose. The other cops didn't join in, but they nodded at the idea of murdering someone for daring to be different. I'm sure that cop felt empowered to bully the next gay man he arrested. And if he caused a death, and claimed it was accidental, none of those other cops would speak up. Internal Affairs cops are not praised by other cops for keeping abuses of power in check, they are vilified.
We are taught as Americans to stay loyal, beyond conscience, beyond integrity. "My country, my brothers in arms, my group, right or wrong."
There's been a lot of talk of how we should change this in the schools. But we need to change it EVERYWHERE. Kids learn by example. If we don't praise the cop who speaks up against an abusive co-worker, the soldier who reports his superior, the whistleblower who reports his company for polluting our drinking water and ends up the only person to lose their job, then how can we expect kids to believe they will be protected if they report their own bullying and abuse?
If we agree with covering up the times our military causes civilian casualties abroad, because it "makes America look bad" then how can we argue with the Catholic church covering up child sexual abuse because "it made the Church look bad." We cannot pick and choose. Our response to someone filming cops doing wrong must not be a bill to make filming cops illegal (Texas). We must value everyone who stands up with integrity.
One of the hardest things to do is to speak out, from personal moral courage, against someone close to us who has done wrong. But until we start applauding and REWARDING that kind of courage, not giving lip service and then allowing consequences to fall when the applause dies down, we have little chance of preventing abuse of power. At every level.
And we will have those who are not in power becoming angry, and frustrated, and despondent. They will turn to violence, against themselves, or others, when we fail them.
It is up to all of us.
We are all responsible. For bullying. For abuse of power. All of us.
I see people pointing fingers a lot, and talking about how this person or that should have done more to stop an abusive behavior in various venues, and I think, "We all need to actually live like we believe that, if we want it to happen."
We are a culture, perhaps a species, that values Loyalty over Honesty and Integrity. We can learn to do better, but we need to try.
Bullies thrive on this. In the schools ("don't be a tattletale"), in the churches ("he's God's chosen"), in the military ("obey your superiors without question"), in the police force ("don't break the blue wall") and in politics ("hold the party line').
We don't reward whistleblowers, no matter how we pay lip service. We vilify them. They often suffer more punishment than the people they report. It is possible to report your superiors for confirmed TORTURE and be the only one who goes to jail.
School bullies get slap on the wrist suspensions, and then are sent back into the school with their victim with no other measures taken. The victim may be equally punished for fighting back. They may even be prosecuted for filming their abuse.
If you tell Americans their privacy has been violated in unthinkable ways, you may have to flee for your life and hole up in a foreign embassy.
I know a gay man who sat in a room full of unaware cops, while one of them explained how a gay cop in his department would be shown Southern hospitality with a noose. The other cops didn't join in, but they nodded at the idea of murdering someone for daring to be different. I'm sure that cop felt empowered to bully the next gay man he arrested. And if he caused a death, and claimed it was accidental, none of those other cops would speak up. Internal Affairs cops are not praised by other cops for keeping abuses of power in check, they are vilified.
We are taught as Americans to stay loyal, beyond conscience, beyond integrity. "My country, my brothers in arms, my group, right or wrong."
There's been a lot of talk of how we should change this in the schools. But we need to change it EVERYWHERE. Kids learn by example. If we don't praise the cop who speaks up against an abusive co-worker, the soldier who reports his superior, the whistleblower who reports his company for polluting our drinking water and ends up the only person to lose their job, then how can we expect kids to believe they will be protected if they report their own bullying and abuse?
If we agree with covering up the times our military causes civilian casualties abroad, because it "makes America look bad" then how can we argue with the Catholic church covering up child sexual abuse because "it made the Church look bad." We cannot pick and choose. Our response to someone filming cops doing wrong must not be a bill to make filming cops illegal (Texas). We must value everyone who stands up with integrity.
One of the hardest things to do is to speak out, from personal moral courage, against someone close to us who has done wrong. But until we start applauding and REWARDING that kind of courage, not giving lip service and then allowing consequences to fall when the applause dies down, we have little chance of preventing abuse of power. At every level.
And we will have those who are not in power becoming angry, and frustrated, and despondent. They will turn to violence, against themselves, or others, when we fail them.
It is up to all of us.
April 18, 2015
Giveaways and more
Hey, everyone, I have two things going on today :)
The first is that I'm featured on Prism Book Alliance's "Retro Reads Author Spotlight" today. They are featuring "The Rebuilding Year" and at the end of the interview there is the chance for one lucky commenter to win either a copy of "The Rebuilding Year" or... an advance copy of the new sequel, "Life, Some Assembly Required." Your choice.
So go check out the interview, and good luck with the win.
http://www.prismbookalliance.com/?pos...
My second event for today is something dear to my heart - The LGBTQ Push Back Charity Giveaway
This is a charity push to raise support for homeless LGBTQ teens, with 224 prizes on offer. I would love to see a charity push for compassion and caring go really big. Go to the website, read AJ Rose's little story, and check out the giveaway. Donate to the LGBTQ charity of your choice (we suggest three, but any good cause counts) and enter the drawing for free books and prizes. Authors, bloggers and publishers have gotten together to support this fund drive, so 224 winners will be matched up with a donor. I'm giving someone a backlist book of their choice (including the newest one, "Life, Some Assembly Required" if they choose.) But with charity donations as the goal of the event, everyone will be a winner. Join us!
http://diversereader.blogspot.co.uk/2...
The first is that I'm featured on Prism Book Alliance's "Retro Reads Author Spotlight" today. They are featuring "The Rebuilding Year" and at the end of the interview there is the chance for one lucky commenter to win either a copy of "The Rebuilding Year" or... an advance copy of the new sequel, "Life, Some Assembly Required." Your choice.So go check out the interview, and good luck with the win.
http://www.prismbookalliance.com/?pos...
My second event for today is something dear to my heart - The LGBTQ Push Back Charity GiveawayThis is a charity push to raise support for homeless LGBTQ teens, with 224 prizes on offer. I would love to see a charity push for compassion and caring go really big. Go to the website, read AJ Rose's little story, and check out the giveaway. Donate to the LGBTQ charity of your choice (we suggest three, but any good cause counts) and enter the drawing for free books and prizes. Authors, bloggers and publishers have gotten together to support this fund drive, so 224 winners will be matched up with a donor. I'm giving someone a backlist book of their choice (including the newest one, "Life, Some Assembly Required" if they choose.) But with charity donations as the goal of the event, everyone will be a winner. Join us!
http://diversereader.blogspot.co.uk/2...
April 16, 2015
Life, Some Assembly Required pre-orders
Yay!! **happy dances** I got the final pdf, epub and mobi book files for
Life, Some Assembly Required
from Samhain. That means it is going up for pre-order, and it also means I can't tweak it any more, LOL.I'm looking forward to seeing what readers think of the second half of John and Ryan's rebuilding year, with Mark and Torey...
Samhain is so on top of their game that the book is already on ARe (All Romance ebooks) for pre-order (https://www.allromanceebooks.com/prod...) and probably will be up on Amazon within the next couple of days.
It is also now listed on Samhain although they won't start preorders there until May 10th. https://www.samhainpublishing.com/boo...
ETA - now up for pre-order on Amazon too - http://www.amazon.com/Life-Some-Assem...
April 14, 2015
All Romance ebooks sale
For just one day, today, April 15th, many titles including most of mine, are 25% off at All Romance ebooks. Do something fun with that tax refund (or console yourself for not getting a refund.)
http://www.allromanceebooks.com/
