Ellyn Oaksmith's Blog, page 17
January 25, 2014
Meeting Oprah
I met Oprah. If you think that’s an unusual sentence, for me it’s kind of strange. That’s me in the photo, on the couch to the right of Oprah and Sadie, who is her dog. One day when driving my daughter’s carpool home I got a call from someone at O Magazine telling me that I’d been selected to fly to Chicago to be one of 10 O readers to fly to Chicago and interview Oprah.
When I heard the word “selected” I thought the woman was a telemarketer selling time shares. I was pulled over on the side of the road with a car full of teenagers and wasn’t really paying attention. “I’m not interested,I said. “In meeting Oprah?” she said. “What?” I said.
That is how on February 11th, 2010, I came to pick up my sister at the crack of down and drive to SeaTac where we boarded a plane to fly to Chicago. I was dying to tell anyone and everyone what we were doing. No one asked. So I told anyone who looked at me for even a fraction of a second: the people around us, the flight attendants, the guy in line at security. My sister was highly amused.
A driver met us at the airport with a Harpo Productions sign with my name on it. I have the photo to prove it. We were taken straight to Harpo studios where a tiny little stylist was trying not to pull her hair out finding outfits for all the women out of her racks of clothing she’d brought from New York. The ten of us were all shapes and sizes. She had to dress everyone one of us from head to toe, including jewelry and Spanx. She had told us to bring our own clothes. “What you would wear to a spring wedding shower.” In Seattle you can wear jeans to a wedding shower. The only think we used from my clothing was a belt.
To read the rest of this post please visit:
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
When I heard the word “selected” I thought the woman was a telemarketer selling time shares. I was pulled over on the side of the road with a car full of teenagers and wasn’t really paying attention. “I’m not interested,I said. “In meeting Oprah?” she said. “What?” I said.
That is how on February 11th, 2010, I came to pick up my sister at the crack of down and drive to SeaTac where we boarded a plane to fly to Chicago. I was dying to tell anyone and everyone what we were doing. No one asked. So I told anyone who looked at me for even a fraction of a second: the people around us, the flight attendants, the guy in line at security. My sister was highly amused.
A driver met us at the airport with a Harpo Productions sign with my name on it. I have the photo to prove it. We were taken straight to Harpo studios where a tiny little stylist was trying not to pull her hair out finding outfits for all the women out of her racks of clothing she’d brought from New York. The ten of us were all shapes and sizes. She had to dress everyone one of us from head to toe, including jewelry and Spanx. She had told us to bring our own clothes. “What you would wear to a spring wedding shower.” In Seattle you can wear jeans to a wedding shower. The only think we used from my clothing was a belt.
To read the rest of this post please visit:
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
January 24, 2014
Dear Juan Pablo: Not all American Women are Like This
My kids love The Bachelor. I find it akin to The Real World but with monkeys. Juan Pablo gets to strut around setting his super sexy accent to stun and the girls fall like so many dominoes.
I went to graduate school at The American Film Institute. The first thing you should know about this place is that there aren’t as many Americans as you’d think. At that time, there were many Europeans whose governments paid to send them because they didn’t have a comparable film school. This allowed the Europeans to go home and make their own artsy pretentious films while we Americans stripped the comics books for our own popcorn crunchers.
The Europeans were mostly men and many of them had been raised on old American TV shows like Dynasty. From this, I assume, they must have picked up the notion that American women were loose. I’m pretty sure they expected a bevy of busty blonds (say that fast three times) to rip off their clothes when they landed in America with their adorable accents.
First of all, American film students are an artsy bunch who wear a lot of black and still have dreams of making The Great American Movie. After they graduate and spend a few years starving, they will be penning Porky’s IV but while in film school they have their Dreams.
to read the rest of the blog, please visit:
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
I went to graduate school at The American Film Institute. The first thing you should know about this place is that there aren’t as many Americans as you’d think. At that time, there were many Europeans whose governments paid to send them because they didn’t have a comparable film school. This allowed the Europeans to go home and make their own artsy pretentious films while we Americans stripped the comics books for our own popcorn crunchers.
The Europeans were mostly men and many of them had been raised on old American TV shows like Dynasty. From this, I assume, they must have picked up the notion that American women were loose. I’m pretty sure they expected a bevy of busty blonds (say that fast three times) to rip off their clothes when they landed in America with their adorable accents.
First of all, American film students are an artsy bunch who wear a lot of black and still have dreams of making The Great American Movie. After they graduate and spend a few years starving, they will be penning Porky’s IV but while in film school they have their Dreams.
to read the rest of the blog, please visit:
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
January 22, 2014
My Epic Journey to the Dump
Today I undertook the most romantic gesture I have ever made besides the time I squeezed my pregnant self into a stretchy dress and made a fancy dinner. I thought I looked great. In fact I looked like a snake digesting a rat.
This was better.
I cleaned the garage for my husband’s birthday.
About 10 minutes into it, I was wrestling with a rusted and crusted paint can lid and ready to be done. At the rate I was going I would be able to clean out ten paint cans. And I am a painter of walls. All the time. Last Christmas I painted our main floor a soft buttery yellow in between Christmas parties.
The plan was to mix the old paint with kitty litter thus solidifying it and following the rules for throwing away paint. I didn’t make it up the kitty litter thing. It’s real. As a weird side note, I asked the woman at the pet store if I could return the $80 of cat food I’d bought at their summer sale since our cat had just died. Then I asked where the kitty litter was. Without explaining.
Half way into this project I decided that all the camping stuff should be solidified onto the top shelf in the garage. I dragged the tall aluminum ladder to the shelves and grabbed the huge, heavy long bag that contains something for camping. Not sure what it is. Feels like a dead body. Anyway, I am dragging this thing up when I realize that I don’t have the strength to drag the thing up sideways in order to place it on the shelf. I am on the ladder, unwilling to back down, holding this probable cadaver when I decide, if I throw my stomach under it and twist, I can lever it up.
Yeah, you’re right. It was a bad idea. I nearly fell off the ladder. And the worst part was that there was no one there to say “Oh my God! I almost fell off the ladder!” But somehow and I don’t really know how, it worked. So now when we go camping, it’s going to involve a ladder.
Read the rest on:
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
This was better.
I cleaned the garage for my husband’s birthday.
About 10 minutes into it, I was wrestling with a rusted and crusted paint can lid and ready to be done. At the rate I was going I would be able to clean out ten paint cans. And I am a painter of walls. All the time. Last Christmas I painted our main floor a soft buttery yellow in between Christmas parties.
The plan was to mix the old paint with kitty litter thus solidifying it and following the rules for throwing away paint. I didn’t make it up the kitty litter thing. It’s real. As a weird side note, I asked the woman at the pet store if I could return the $80 of cat food I’d bought at their summer sale since our cat had just died. Then I asked where the kitty litter was. Without explaining.
Half way into this project I decided that all the camping stuff should be solidified onto the top shelf in the garage. I dragged the tall aluminum ladder to the shelves and grabbed the huge, heavy long bag that contains something for camping. Not sure what it is. Feels like a dead body. Anyway, I am dragging this thing up when I realize that I don’t have the strength to drag the thing up sideways in order to place it on the shelf. I am on the ladder, unwilling to back down, holding this probable cadaver when I decide, if I throw my stomach under it and twist, I can lever it up.
Yeah, you’re right. It was a bad idea. I nearly fell off the ladder. And the worst part was that there was no one there to say “Oh my God! I almost fell off the ladder!” But somehow and I don’t really know how, it worked. So now when we go camping, it’s going to involve a ladder.
Read the rest on:
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
January 21, 2014
The Real Reason the Seahawks are going to the Superbowl
Why Seattle Won Last Night — My Version
Last night Christmas 2014 came way early for Seattle football fans. Let’s get one thing clear. On my very best day I am a faux fan. The kind of person who knits during a game. Or enjoys the culinary aspect of the game. Last night was baked red potatoes with smoked turkey chili topping and avocados cheddar. Amazingly delicious.
Oh, back to the game. Anyway, there was the miraculously happy ending to the game and everyone walked around in a happy daze. Fireworks could be heard. A couple of screaming teenagers knocked on our door in full Seahawk regalia and ran upstairs screaming .When they got to the TV room and everyone stared at them there was an awkward moment. “Um, okay, I guess we’ll go now,” they said.
We did know them. They were super cute and funny. We should have yelled too. It was just awkward.
So now you have an entire town recounting the game sort of like it must have been when man walked on the moon. Except it’s better because it’s the Superbowl. And we’re going.
Did I mention that we’re going to the Superbowl?
Read more on my blog--- http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
Last night Christmas 2014 came way early for Seattle football fans. Let’s get one thing clear. On my very best day I am a faux fan. The kind of person who knits during a game. Or enjoys the culinary aspect of the game. Last night was baked red potatoes with smoked turkey chili topping and avocados cheddar. Amazingly delicious.
Oh, back to the game. Anyway, there was the miraculously happy ending to the game and everyone walked around in a happy daze. Fireworks could be heard. A couple of screaming teenagers knocked on our door in full Seahawk regalia and ran upstairs screaming .When they got to the TV room and everyone stared at them there was an awkward moment. “Um, okay, I guess we’ll go now,” they said.
We did know them. They were super cute and funny. We should have yelled too. It was just awkward.
So now you have an entire town recounting the game sort of like it must have been when man walked on the moon. Except it’s better because it’s the Superbowl. And we’re going.
Did I mention that we’re going to the Superbowl?
Read more on my blog--- http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
December 21, 2013
FREE BOOKS -- This weekend on Amazon.com
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Free download of Divine Moves, this weekend only. Eggnog not included.
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
December 20, 2013
Free Books This Weekend
Slight detail -- giveaway starts tomorrow and will now last all weekend. So get your holidays off to a great start: THIS WEEKEND!!!
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
December 19, 2013
Free e-book DIVINE MOVES 12.20
One day only, free e-book. A funny look at modern families.
December 20th
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
December 20th
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
Sneak Peak of Unreleased Book -- 50 Acts of Kindness
When Kylie's angry rant at a pregnant employee goes viral, she attempts to rehabilitate her image with 50 acts of kindness in 50 days.
Will it work?
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
Will it work?
http://ellynoaksmith.tumblr.com/post/...
Free Book Giveaway Coming soon
Keep an eye on Amazon.com for Divine Moves freebies. Free e-book giveaway coming soon!
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
http://www.amazon.com/Divine-Moves-El...
