Stacey Ballis's Blog, page 24

Gym Etiquette: The Movie

Since my posts lately have been a little on the serious side, I thought I would start your week with something lighter.

Friday night I did a local event with three of my favorite funny gals, Jen Lancaster, Wendy McClure and Claire Zulkey.  It was our fourth annual Witty Women night, and it was hilarious.  I read an expanded piece on Gym Etiquette that went over well, so I thought I would share it with you in a little animated movie.

Note:  This piece is R-Rated.  Be careful listening at work or with children in the vacinity. 

Reverend Charming?  Please skip this particular piece, I appreciate so much your support of my work but I am fairly certain that this one is not your cup of tea.



Yours in Less than Good Taste,
The Polymath

Marie Claire, you are dead to me.

Just a couple of horrifying big girls, miracle the camera didn't break!
I've been struggling all day with figuring out a response to the current circus surrounding Maura Kelly's horrifically hateful fat-bashing blog post that is garnering so much attention over at Marie Claire. Especially since today @MarieClaire supposedly solicited some counterpoint to the piece.


For those of you who have not read the post, you can find it here, in all of its prejudiced, ill-informed, dismissive, and indifferently spelled glory. Should Fatties Get A Room…

I recommend you actually click over and read it, since otherwise the following will make little or no sense.

For starters, it seems clear I should preface this by saying that Maura Kelly has every right to her opinions. I am a strong believer in the right to free speech, and I will defend anyone's right to express themselves. After all, just because you are small-minded and bigoted, doesn't mean you need to be silenced. I can choose not to listen to you, the same way I ignore racists, misogynists, homophobes, and people who think they were abducted by aliens. I have never before delved into the work of this particular hard-hitting journalist, as I already know he is into me, have never had a Holiday related dating disaster, and I would never have sex in public for sport. Just for pay. But I digress.

Maura, at the prompting of her Marie Claire editor, read an article on CNN.com that indicated that people were finding the new sitcom Mike and Molly, about two plus-sized people who fall in love, was making them uncomfortable. And while some people are uncomfortable with the visual of humans of this particular heft getting hot with each other, most people seem more uncomfortable with the reliance on fat jokes as the driving comedic force behind the show.


AHHH!  The Horror!  Look away!
Now, my first instinct was not to address this, as I have not seen the show. But lucky for me, Ms. Kelly felt free to write about it without watching it either, so now I know my ethics are okay! In fact, Ms. Kelly indicates that she is both "not much of a TV watcher" and "can be kind of clueless", an admission which became very obvious over the next few paragraphs.

For starters, Ms. Kelly indicates that the particular level of obesity in the main characters is problematic. Because apparently, Ms. Kelly is unaware the current AVERAGE size of women in America is 14, and they might want to see people who look like themselves on television in lead roles. For every size 0 actress in Hollywood, is a size 28 somewhere who probably would be happy, now and again, to open a magazine or go to a movie that celebrates her experience and does not dismiss her because of her size.

Ms. Kelly also implies that showing these people on TV is somehow implicitly promoting obesity, (despite the fact that the two meet in Overeaters Anonymous, dealing with their obesity in a proactive and healthy way) which makes her angry because her insurance premiums might go up for dealing with the related health issues of fat people.

Ms. Kelly goes on to say:

"So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a (sic) heroine addict slumping in a chair."

Poor Maura. Life must be very distressing with all these aesthetically displeasing people running around spoiling her view. She acknowledges that she has a couple "plump" friends, but that comes off as the equivalent of a low-level racist claiming a pal of color or two. But she does accidentally touch on the issue which is actually nearest and dearest to my heart.

She aligns very obese people with alcoholics and drug addicts. With whom, in fact, they have a lot in common. Compulsive overeating has the same hallmarks of any addiction. There can be genetic predisposition. There can be environmental factors. And there is a very strong element of being out of control. The addiction takes both psychological and physical hold. There is an emotional toll for loved ones. It can negatively impact your relationships, lifestyle, and health.

But here is the difference, Ms. Kelly, since you are so quick to say that "I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it."

Alcoholics, drug addicts, they can quit cold turkey and never touch booze or dope again.

Compulsive Overeaters have to have a relationship with food multiple times a day every day for the rest of our lives. No one has to try and teach alcoholics how to have just one drink three times a day, or show a drug addict how to take just one tiny toke every three hours. Food is the hardest addiction to overcome, and the one with the most misconceptions. Maura seems to genuinely believe that the difference between fat and not fat is just "eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more." There is nothing wrong with any of this advice. It is a blueprint for a reasonably healthy life for anyone at any size (although the standing at the computer thing is ridiculous and obsessive). But none of that shows any awareness or sensitivity to the very real psychology behind the disease.

Now, I have had this discussion with many people over the years, as a plus-sized woman, and often it is simply that they themselves have had no personal experience with eating disorders, either as a sufferer or having someone close to them dealing with the issue.

But Maura Kelly, by her own admission, is a recovered anorexic.

Who never stopped for one second while writing this diatribe of intolerance to think that perhaps her utter loathing of fat people might be related to her own very personal demons? My whole life as a fat girl, I was always so relieved that if I was going to have an eating disorder, at least it was overeating and not starving myself. I cannot imagine how awful it must be to feel compelled to reduce yourself to the smallest possible person. To work so hard and suffer so long to become a size 0, to become nothing. (And let me be clear, I don't mean you tiny girls whose natural state happens to be a size 0.  I mean the people who obsessively seek that non-number as a mark of pride and success.)

To say to the world that you do not deserve to take up too much space.

I might be fat, and I have had my share of sad moments when I wish that I were not, but I genuinely like what I see in the mirror most days, and have never once felt the need to try and shrink myself for any reason other than my health. And let me be clear, I have no desire to be skinny. I'll take voluptuous, curvy, and healthy. A double digit size is fine with me, as long as the first digit is a 1. It is a constant struggle, a battle I win one day and lose the next.  But along the way, I never forget to love who I am, because who I am is pretty spectacular no matter what size I happen to wear, or what people like Maura Kelly might think of me.

As an educator who spent over 15 years working with teenagers, I know how damaging the sort of attitude that Kelly espouses can be.  Marie Claire is a magazine targeted at young women in their most impressionable and vulnerable years.  They might think that cheeky little pieces like Maura Kelly's are sassily provocative, but what they are is the propaganda of hate.  Its okay to revile overweight people, because of course, it is just an issue of having some self control!  That they don't seem to care that it gives permission for others to embrace that very intolerance, can feed into the culture of bullying that is so prevalent today amongst young people is irresponsible and extremely disappointing.

It is an issue I deal with in all of my books. In Inappropriate Men, the size 24 heroine is having a passionate affair. (Look away, Maura, fat girl having sex!) In Room For Improvement, the lead character worries about how being a size 14 will affect her budding career as a designer on a home improvement television show. And in my new book,Good Enough to Eat, the woman at the heart of the story is a formerly obese woman who has lost the weight, and loses her husband in the process.

For Good Enough to Eat I drew on my 25+ years of experience as a plus-sized person. The kind of person who would "gross out" Ms. Kelly if she saw me crossing a room.

Ultimately, I feel terrible for Maura Kelly. For the struggles she herself has been through with her own body, and for the pathology that makes her knee-jerk to being repulsed by all fat people because they represent her own personal most deeply held fear of what she herself could become.

So while I am, and have been all day, seething at this post, it is not Maura and her anti-fat vitriol that bother me the most. I have long been used to fat being the last acceptable prejudice. My distress comes from the fact that Marie Claire Magazine not only assigned this piece to an admitted former anorexic who has not watched the show, but read it, gave it their stamp of approval, posted it on their site, and defended it when it garnered negative attention.

Now, I do not often read Marie Claire, as I am a 40 year old plus-sized woman who already got the guy, got the job, knows how to organize her purse, and will never EVER wear an item as unfortunately named or generically unflattering as "jeggings". But I thought it was great when they brought on Ashley Falcon, a plus-sized stylist. And Nina Garcia has always been pretty great on Project Runway when they have had the rare plus-sized challenges, taking designers down a peg when they complain about how hard it is to design flattering things for women who are built like women and not ten year old boys.

But this. This erases all former goodwill.

If Maura Kelly's post had been about the disgusting nature of interracial couples kissing on television, or how uncomfortable it is to have to see gay people walk across a room, Marie Claire would have issued a formal apology, made a donation to GLAAD or the Anti-Defamation League, fired Ms. Kelly quickly, and hired a talented gay writer of color.  And lord knows, if they were smart, they would hire a plus-sized writer to do an ongoing blog about living as a larger person.  To fill the vacancy they should create where Maura Kelly currently resides.

My twitter page today was filled with note from my Tweeps, all of whom know that I am a plus-sized woman who writes about the lives of plus-sized women with what I hope is sensitivity, honesty, compassion, and love. I got e-mails from some of my fans saying how much they hoped Marie Claire would ask me to write a rebuttal piece. But like my BFF Jen Lancaster, who wrote her own very wonderful piece on this issue today, which I strongly recommend you read here, I don't need Marie Claire to ask me to share my thoughts on their tacitly endorsing the views put forth in a piece of writing that is deeply hurtful and offensive to a large segment of the population.

I cannot force major women's magazines to stop ignoring plus-sized women, any more than I can stop Hollywood from taking an extraordinarily talented actor like Melissa McCarthy and either marginalizing her to the "fat bestie", or when they finally give her a lead role, taking the sad path of relying on the fat jokes. She is so much better than that, and as Jen mentions, if ever someone has the guts to produce any of my books as movies or TV shows, she is up there on the top of my dream list for casting.

But I can use the same freedom of speech that supported Maura Kelly in putting out such a sad piece of crap to say shame on them.

Shame on you, Marie Claire. In an age where bullying sends kids down a suicide path, endorsing ANY denigration of another human being based on who they are and not what they do is shameful. You want to hate someone because of their actions, fine. Lord knows I have a list of my own. But weight, no less than skin color, sexual preference, religion, or gender identity is a part of who someone is, and intolerance of who someone is, that is as base as someone can be.

To Marie Claire I can say that I wish I believed that this was purely an insensitive oversight and not, as I suspect, a cheap shot intended to create media uproar and bring you attention.

To all the larger girls who read Maura Kelly's ugly words, I can only say this.

You are beautiful. You are deserving of love. You are deserving of respect. No one can take away your intelligence, your kindness, your generosity of spirit. The person you are has nothing to do with the number on the scale or the tag on your clothes. You are sexy. You are powerful. And there is nothing you cannot do. If you decide to get smaller, for your health, or because you simply want to be smaller, I am on your side and pulling for you. And if you decide that you like yourself just the way you are and have no desire to change, I am on your side and pulling for you. You deserve to see women like yourself represented in the magazines you read, the television you watch, the movies you see. Not made the butt of the joke, or as the sidekick, but front and center in the spotlight. Do not ever be ashamed of how much air you displace in this world. You are not minimal. You are a celebration. Revel in yourself, and love yourself. And know that you are not ever alone.

Some women of size that I have looked to for inspiration:

Oprah Winfrey, Queen Latifah, Emme, Camryn Manheim, Delta Burke, Ann Wilson,Eleanor Roosevelt, Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Rosie O'Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg, Mo'Nique, Gabourey Sidibe, Kathy Bates, Della Reese, Mae West.

And of course, Jen Lancaster. Who had the ability to not only express her own outrage, but to go for the funny, which I was too angry to be able to do.

Yours in Outrage,
The Polymath

Squeaky Wheel

Well, Chickens, we have an update to the United Airlines story....

Last week I posted that I had been having problems booking award travel with United Airlines, and was so frustrated that I made a little animated movie about it. 



Frustrated I was, since I had been checking in with United every day since July 26 about these tickets.  So frustrated that I sent a very long VERY snarky letter to Glenn Tilton, CEO of United Airlines.  The text of that letter, wth some minor changes, is what became the dialogue of this movie.  (If you are having trouble watching the movie on the blog, click here to watch on YouTube)

I sent a copy of the e-mail, which I addressed to The Underling that Reads Glenn Tilton's E-mail, to Charming Suitor who thought it was hilarious, and gave me the names of the guy in charge of Mileage awards and the guy in charge of Customer Relations.  I forwarded the e-mail on to them.  I got auto-replies that they are both "transitioning out of United", and listed different people to contact.  I forwarded the e-mail to the people they recommended.  Then I decided to e-mail everyone, every day.

After all, since I was having to look for tickets every day, why should I not keep them informed as to my progress?

For a week, I e-mailed every day.  "Still no tickets."  "Checked again, pas de billets."  and then...  "Here is a little movie I made about how there are never any tickets."

Oh yes, Chickens, I did forward my little film to them.

I posted it on Facebook, where several pals indicated both a preference for American Airlines for award travel, and said it must have been cathartic to make the movie.

I Tweeted about it, and several Tweeps said "U go grl."

Charming Suitor's Dad, Reverend Charming, praised me highly which made me blush.

Saturday morning, around 8:30 am, the phone rang out.  CS grabbed the receiver (the phone is on his side of the bed) and in one fluid movement threw his arm over and chucked it under my chin.

"Hello?"  I said groggily.

"Hello, is this Stacey Ballis?"  A perky voice on the other end chirped. 

Really?  With the early Saturday wake-up solicitation, really?  Am I not ON THE DO NOT CALL LIST????

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yes."  Well, why should I lie to make someone feel better about waking me? 

"I'm sorry, this is Tanya from Glen Tilton's office at United Airlines, I can call back at a more convenient time."

Sweet Fancy Moses.

"No, no, don't call back!  I'm up."  To say that some adrenaline kicked in is an understatement.

"Wonderful.  Well, I'm calling to say that Mr. Tilton did receive your e-mail, and that he does read his e-mail and he asked to me call you and see if I can help you get your award travel booked, and that he is very sorry for your frustration."

Squeaky wheel, meet grease.

Tanya was beyond helpful.  She was honest about what she could and couldn't do, and set up our tickets in the best way possible.  And while it does still annoy me the tiniest bit that the reason the award travel was so difficult is that the destination is popular, and therefore they can often sell the tickets for money..because, um, when we do your mileage reward programs we are essentially pre-paying for the tickets, and so it shouldn't matter if someone might use cash to buy them, we should get access to a rational percentage of them...since I cannot change the policy, at least I can now stop checking every day, and know that our vacation is secure and we didn't have to use double the miles to do it.

Saver Award Mileage Tickets:  NOT FAIL

So, I have to give props to Mr. Glenn Tilton, CEO of United Airlines, who read a very snarky e-mail from a very frustrated consumer and sent a little fairy godmother to fix it.

As a result of his kindness, I will not post his e-mail address here.

Also?

After we finished laughing about the riduculousness of the award ticket adventure, Charming Suitor and I had a talk and have decided to take our relationship to the next level. 

From now on, he is going to feel free to answer the phone at my house.

Game, Set, Match.

If you are in the greater Chicagoland Area, come to The Book Cellar on Lincoln this Friday night at 7pm to see me, Jen Lancaster, Wendy McClure and Claire Zulkey be all sorts of hilarious in our Fourth Annual Witty Women night.  Readings, signings, and wine.  We'd love to see you there!

Yours in Good Taste, with a rocking vacation to look forward to,
The Polymath

Feasting Friday- Just a Quickie

Things got a little awayfrom me this week, work to do, social and book obligations, and a little bit of the "Oh Crap it's Fall" scatteredness.

Also, I have been desperately trying to book airline tickets for a wonderful vacation for myself and Charming Suitor for the last three months which is making me batty.  Want to see a little animated movie I made about it?



If the movie doesn't play for you here, you can see it HERE
Anyhoo, with all of this I haven't really had time to focus on a fully realized post for you today.  But sometimes, all you need is a quickie!

For example, tonight we are going to dinner at a friend's house.  Big John loves dessert.  I once brought, at his request, a chocolate cake with milk chocolate frosting and halfway through his second piece he said, not directly to any of us, but more to the universe "I wuv cake." in the way only a 6'4" gentle giant can say.

I also found myself in possession of half a loaf of brioche from the local Boulangerie, ust a day off from being sandwich worthy.  And if you have stale bread, milk half and half or cream, eggs and sugar, you have bread pudding.  Five minutes prep, twenty five minutes in the oven, and the most comforting, soul soothing dessert ever.  Have some chocolate chips?  Toss them in, I did.  Nuts?  Sure, why not?  Dried cherries, cranberries or raisins.  Chopped apples or pears, sliced bananas or fresh berries.  Little bits of crystallized ginger.  Really, you can tart it up however you like.  But even at its most basic, it is delish.

So here you are, just between us.  A little quickie in the afternoon.  I won't tell anyone!



Basic Bread Pudding

1/2-3/4 loaf of day old bread
4 eggs
2 c whole milk, half and half, cream, or a combo
1 c sugar (white for mild, brown for a more caramelly richness)
2 t vanilla
4 T butter, grated (more on this below)

Preheat oven to 350.  Cut bread into large cubes.  Blend eggs, milk, sugar and vanilla into a custard and pour over the bread cubes.  Let soak in for a few minutes, up to a couple of hours.  Add up to 1 c total of any add-ins you like- chocolate chips or shavings, nuts, fruit, whatever!  Pour into buttered casserole pan.  Sprinkle grated butter evenly over the top.  Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a knife slid into the middle comes out clean.

Serve warm, cold, or room temp.  Add hot fudge, caramel sauce, or berry coulis.  Serve with ice cream or whipped cream.  Or just eat it as is!

Grated Butter



When I first discovered that my microplane grater and sticks of butter could be friends, it changed my cooking.

Forget "dotting the top with butter" making a mess, not to mention only little parts getting that buttery goodness.  Grated butter can bespread perfectly over an entire casserole like a light dusting of snow. 



Want the fluffiest omelets and scrambled eggs ever?  Grate your butter directly into your beaten eggs, where it will slowly melt and emulsify as you cook the eggs, keeping them ethereal and never greasy or rubbery, even if you have to hold them for a few minutes before serving. 

Hate that your hard butter turns your morning toast into crumbs or mashes down your bagel into a bagel chip?  Grate your butter over the top and it will soften and be spreadable in a flash.

Want to butter rice or cous cous or something that can get gummy easily with too much fussing?  Grated butter will fluff in with a couple of forks in no time.  And your mashed potatoes will never be the same after you blend in grated butter instead of big chunks or pre-melted.

I use my Microplane for this, for ultimate fineness, but your box grater should work fine.  Just make sure your butter is either very cold or frozen, or you will have a gloopy mess on your hands.

Do you have a quickie tip or recipe to share with the class?

Yours in Good Taste,
The Polymath

Contest Winner! And short ribs!

After much deliberation, and some input from a couple of friends....

CONGRATULATIONS HEATHER OF THE DEAD ANTS!


thanks akijay.blogspot.com
Seriously?  The very idea of a bottle of syrup with dead ants in it squicked me out so much, I had to pick you.  And I once ate a live termite!  On purpose!

Heather, please e-mail me your shipping address to staceyballisinfo (at) gmail (dot) com and I will send your prize out.

In the meantime, for the rest of you, a quick couple of really great and easy recipes...THAT WORK!

Charming Suitor and I had another couple over for dinner last weekend, and the main stars were a Thai-Braised Short Rib, and Potato Gratin with Prunes.

The short ribs were inspired by some we got a while back at Charlie Trotter's To Go.  I asked the chef for the recipe, and got a vague sense of ingredients, so this is as close as I could approximate.  And they are seriously yummy.  I really do recommend making these the day before, they taste even better once they have had a chance to merge overnight.

thanks sabineats.com
Thai Braised Short Ribs

8 pieces short ribs, bone-in
3 carrots, peeled and cut into chunks
1 medium onion, sliced
1-2 pc lemongrass, cut into 2 inch pieces and smashed
2 oranges
½ T Thai chili garlic paste
¼ c peanut oil
Salt and Pepper
Water

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Heat oil in large Dutch oven. Season short ribs with salt and grains of paradise. Sear short ribs on all sides to deep brown caramelization. Do in batches if necessary. Remove beef from pot, and pour off excess fat. Caramelize onions and carrots in remaining fat in pan. When they have good color, remove to plate with ribs and pour off remaining fat. Squeeze the oranges by hand into a small bowl and dissolve chili paste in the juice. Deglaze pot with juice mixture then turn off heat. Put veggies back in pot, followed by ribs. Nestle smashed lemongrass and orange quarters among the ribs. Add water to the level of the ribs, so that they are barely submerged. Cover and cook in oven 3-4 hours till very tender. Cool to room temp, and then store in fridge.

Heat oven to 350.

Take pot out of oven to come to room temp, and then put in oven to reheat for 45 minutes to an hour. When ready to serve, gently remove ribs and veggies from liquid into a serving dish, and hold to the side. Defat pan juices, then return to pot and heat over high to reduce to desired thickness. Taste for seasoning, then pour over ribs and vegetables.

Once upon a time, CS took a cooking class with the incomparable David Bouley.  Apparently throughout the class Bouley kept wistfully referring to a dish his grandmother made, potato gratin with prunes.  After five or six mentions, he finally said "Chef!  What is the recipe???"  The Chef listed a set of ingredients, vague proportions, minimal instructions, and then moved on with the scheduled class.  CS scribbled as much of it down as he could, and this recipe is the result.
 
I know what you are saying. 
 
Really, with the prunes, really? 
 
And to you I say, hell yeah baby.  Delish.
 
I know, I too was very skeptical, I love my potatoes, especially in such a wonderful and creamy preparation, and I even like prunes, but together?
 
Oh. My.  Yes.  Please. 
 
Together.
 
The prunes add a subtle sweet caramel richness, and it pairs beautifully with just about any protein...the sweetness is perfect with pork, cuts through the rich spiciness of these short ribs, and elevates a simple roast chicken.  Make it.  I promise you will be happy.

thanks primal-gastonomie.com
 
Bouley Grandmere Potato Gratin with Prunes

3 lbs starchy potatoes, peeled and sliced thin on mandolin
2 leeks, chopped
2 scallions, chopped
2 T flat leaf parsley, chopped
2 c half and half
2 c cream
1 clove garlic
Nutmeg
Salt and Pepper
1 c prunes, halved or quartered
1 stick butter

Preheat oven to 350

Rub gratin dish with the cut side of the clove of garlic. Butter the dish liberally with about 2 T of the butter. Saute leeks and scallions in 2 T butter till soft but not browned. Put potatoes in pot and add half and half and cream, the garlic clove, and a good grating of nutmeg. Bring to a simmer, and cook 5 minutes until slightly thickened and potatoes become flexible but not cooked through. Ladle half of the potato mixture into the gratin dish, followed by the leek and scallions and sprinkle the prunes evenly over the top, and then the parsley. Add the rest of the potatoes. Fill with cream and half and half mixture just to the level of the potatoes. Discard the rest. Dot the top of the dish with remaining butter and bake 40 minutes to an hour. Cook till well browned and softened all the way through. Should be creamy, but thick and not soupy. You can hold in a 200 degree oven nearly indefinitely.

Yours in Good Taste,
The Polymath

Feastless Friday- With a Contest

Well Chickens, I sadly do not have good news to report.

I wanted to be able to write about the delicious dinner I whipped up the other night for Charming Suitor, who has been under tremendous work-related stress lately, not to mention the ghastly cold I might have shared with him. 

I wanted to be able to write about how at the end of a long day, he came home to a wonderful and comforting meal.

I wanted to give you all the recipes for this festival of yummy, so that you could make it for your sweeties when they were having rough days of their own.

But sadly, I cannot.

I cannot write that post because your Polymath went four for four on the mediocrity scale.

Here is the menu I wanted to tell you about:

Jamie Oliver's Milk-Braised Chicken
Lemon and Butter Rice Pilaf
Broccoli with Almonds
Butterscotch Pudding with Salted Caramel Topping

First the chicken.  CS and I have recently acquired a Chicken Monger.  I cannot think of another way to decribe him.  Like cheesemonger, but with chickens.  And eggs.  Farmer Paul pasture raises his birds, all organic, and gathers their eggs with almost irridescent orange yolks, and once a week heads on into the city to deliver.  He comes in on the train, which is around the corner from CS's office, so on Friday mornings tey meet on the street like some weird drug drop, only with chickens and eggs.  We are now ruined for even the priciest organic birds from the store, and forget about finding eggs this good except at your local farmer's market.  These chickens are just chickenier.  The eggs are eggier.  We have been enjoying them tremendously.  So when I saw that Jamie Oliver, who I like very much and whose recipes have always worked for me, had a milk-braised chicken dish, I thought it would be a great way to highlight this week's chicken delivery.

I was wrong.  The bird was tender enough, and the flavor was not terrible, but there was nothing special or wonderful about it.  The milk braise did not create a special texture or add any extra deliciousness.  All it really did was create a weird curdled and thin sauce that was not worth spooning over the meat nor sopping up with bread nor moistening the rice...

Chicken:  FAIL

Speaking of moistening the rice...lets imagine what I assumed would be an easy dish.  The zest of two lemons was used in the boring and bland chicken.  Not wanting to waste the rest of the lemon, I thought I would mae rice in the rice cooker, with fresh lemon juice replacing some of the water, and a little bit of butter added.  How bad could that be?  Well, it was gummy.  I think if I had used zest instead of juice it might have been fine, I am not a chemist, but I imagine that the acid in the lemon juice ate away at the rice and made it gummy. And then the butter made it greasy.  So we had greasy and gummy lemony rice on the side of our sad chicken. 

Rice: FAIL

Chicken and rice, even when they work, are pretty much beige on white, and make for a very visually stunted plate.  And I do believe strongly in the five major food groups.  (I think they ought to be changed to  bread, chocolate, wine, bacon and cheese, but for the moment, I use the ones everyone else does.)  I had a bag of broccoli in the freezer, so I didn't pick up a veggie.  But when I opened the bag, totally freezerburnt.

Broccoli:  FAIL

Now you have heard your Polymath tell you before that there is always room in the dessert compartment.  And CS is a pudding/custard/creme caramel kind of guy, so when I saw the recipe for Butterscotch Pudding with Salted Caramel Topping in one of my Tasting Table e-mails last week, I knew I had to make it for him. 
I made the caramel topping and set it aside.  I made the pudding, using Farmer Paul's wonderful eggs.  I spooned the pudding into individual cups and topped with the caramel and put them in the fridge.  Were they awful?  No.  Inedible?  Didn't I say the words pudding and caramel?  Of course not.  Will I make it again?  Nope.  The salted caramel did not really enhance the pudding, and despite my having put the pudding through a sieve, it still had a weird grainyness, and not nearly enough butterscotch flavor.  Which was fine because the caramel would have overpowered any extra flavor anyway.

Pudding: FAIL.

I have decided in order to salvage the day, I will offer up a prize to the person with the best failed recipe story.  Just post your tales of kitchen woe in the comments section before 11:59 pm CST on Monday, and I will announce the winner next week.

What will the winner receive?  How about a Cooks Choice Bowl Baker, for making your own little individual baked goods in the shape of small bowls, so that you can make things like brownie bowls for ice cream, or shortcake bowls for berries and cream, or even cornbread bowls for your chili.  It even comes with a how to DVD of ideas and recipes.



We're having friends for dinner tomorrow night.  I'm making a Thai-inspired braised short rib, potato gratin with prunes (sounds weird and is AMAZING), and Dorie Greenspan's Tourte de Chevre, a goat cheese cheesecake that I am going to serve with fresh figs as a sort of merged cheese course and dessert. 

Pray for me.  If it works, I'll share recipes next week.  If it doesn't, I may have to sage pr holy water the kitchen.

Yours in (less) Good Taste,
The Polymath

The Parlor and the Kitchen- Drips and Drabs

I usually try to write complete posts for your enjoyment, linking together recipes and stories and product reviews into coherent pieces. I think it is the occupational hazard of a novelist to try to work with a through line, a logical arc, a plot if you will.


But blogging is different. Sometimes there is a clear journey, a path to follow to get you from point A to point B. Sometimes you realize you have a dozen little nuggets of stuff that are just not finding a common thread.

This morning I woke up and sat down to catch up on e-mail and twitter and other things I had let slide over the weekend. I turned on the TV and checked the TiVo for background noise, and found that I had a couple of episodes of Unique Eats and The Best Thing I Ever Ate. And a light bulb went off. A clip show! I love a clip show! Lots of little pieces of useful info or interesting notes, not necessarily needing any kind of connection other than being stuff I know and like and want you to know and like!

So here are a couple tidbits:

Wine Stuff

As I may have mentioned, Charming Suitor is a pretty serious wine guy. I used to pride myself on being one of those "I know what I like" girls when it came to wine, thinking that because I knew my "favorite grapes" that I was pretty safe on the wine front. Until CS taught me that it isn't about the grape, it is all in the producer. That the reason I thought I hated Riesling, dismissing it as a cloying sweet glass of ick, was just because I had never had a really high quality Riesling from a great producer. And guess what? Now Riesling is probably my favorite type of wine after champagne. Who knew?!





The second thing I learned has to do with glassware. Now, your Polymath is a consummate collector of tableware. You know how I love to entertain and to set a lovely table. I have loads of glasses. All of which were gathered for their aesthetics. To achieve a certain look. And while this is lovely for the table, it doesn't really serve the wine all that well. Apparently all those special wineglasses with their specific shapes are actually designed to put the wine at the right place on your tongue for optimal flavor. So Burgundy really does actually TASTE BETTER in a Burgundy glass! You don't necessarily have to have the specific glass for every varietal, but if you love wines, it will be good to have at least 3 different types on hand, a balloon for reds, a taller slimmer glass for whites, and a small slightly tulip shaped for sweet wines and ports. And if you love bubbles, flutes are key. They don't have to be expensive either. Riedel, one of the leading makers of wineglasses makes a line for Target, and Cost Plus World Market does both Riedel and Spiegelau knock-offs that are perfectly good if you don't have budget for the originals. Charming Suitor has shared some Riedel Burgundy and Riesling glasses to keep at my house, and I have a set of four Spiegelau Bordeaux glasses. I also have stem-less champagne flutes I got from Cost Plus World market for $1 each!


Portable Food
Two of the things I have become somewhat better about lately are recycling, and using non-plastic bags for my shopping. I'm not overly environmentalist, but I am at least aware of my carbon footprint, and I'm trying to improve my diligence in such matters. Some of the products I love that are helping me out with this are:
Built NY:
Bboth CS and I have the zippered lunch bags that we use all the time, they are insulated and surprisingly roomy. We have mini ice packs that we can throw in when necessary. My favorite use for these is for air travel…I will stop by my favorite sandwich place and pick up sandwiches, maybe some fruit or veggies, and we have a wonderful mid-flight meal. If you have a mini fridge in your hotel room, you can keep your mini ice pack in there while you are away, and find a great place to provide your lunch for your return flight, or the bag can just pack flat in your suitcase on the way home.
SnackTaxi:



These cute bags are replacing Ziplocs as my go-to for little non-messy snacks. The wide variety of fabrics make them totally fun, especially for kids, and the Velcro seal keeps your snacks in the bag where they belong.

Its-Las-Tic:




These bags are handy for shopping, I keep them in my car for when I go for groceries, the stretchy fabric expands to accommodate a large number of items, and they are comfortable to carry. I especially like them for going to the Farmer's Market, since the stretch helps to protect and support delicate fruits and veggies. 

ReUseIt produce bags:


I recognize the hypocrisy of taking a re-useable bag to the grocery store and then filling it with little plastic bags from the produce department. So I feel much better about these little green mesh bags. They are see-thru enough that check out personnel can still see what they are ringing up, and even better, you can wash the produce IN THE BAG and then store it in the fridge. And they come in a small bag so you can keep them organized. I am still collecting them, since I only have the set of four and I never buy just four things in the produce department!

Snacking

I'm a snacker. There is no doubt about it. I love a good meal, obviously, but here and there a girl needs a snack. Here are some of my current not-too-awful-for-you snacks.

Pretzel Crisps:


Addictive, so be careful about portion control, but these are really delish. My favorite flavors are original and everything. A good alternative for dip conveyance as well!

Peeled Snacks:


These single serving dried fruit snacks are great, especially for travel. Plenty of flavors to choose from, my faves are cherries and apples.



Jet-Puffed Mallow Bites Chocolate Covered Marshmallows-



Usually when I need a chocolate fix, a single square of a really good chocolate will fit the bill. But sometimes I need a little more. These are strangely satisfying, and only 150 calories a serving, which is more than enough to feel like an indulgence!

Bonus:  Skrapr



Anyone who has ever struggled with caked on gooey stuff in a baking dish or the extra sticky price tag labels on a new piece of kitchen equipment knows that no scrubber brush is really going to cut it. This plastic scraper works like a dream!


Any tips, tricks or treats to share?

Yours in Good Taste,
The Polymath

Feasting Friday- Welcome to my Bacon Plate Redux

This is an update of an older post...but worth bringing back!


thanks barryschuler.comI was reading an article recently that claimed that Bacon has jumped the shark.  I think the author of said article has clearly taken leave of his senses, because the bottom line is that while I have no need for bacon scented soap ...





Or bacon flavored chewing gum...







But the creative ways that chefs are using my favorite meat candy continues to delight and inspire me.
We all know about my love affair with the Pig.
Braised shoulder, smoked butt, Christmas Ham, BBQ ribs, Crispy Belly, grilled Chops, glorious Tuscan Crown Roast. I put ground pork in my meatloaf and meatballs, layer succulent slices of prosciutto over figs, and I believe that a whisper-thin slice of lardo, meltingly translucent on a grilled piece of rustic bread kissed with roasted garlic is a desert island dish.
But nothing compares to my love of bacon.
Mahogany slices next to scrambled eggs. Lardons on my frisee salad. A shattering circle of pancetta on my bruschetta. Spaghetti carbonara. Wrapped around dates or asparagus.  Crispy bits atop scallops, enveloping my meatloaf, wrapped around a filet of beef or venison, or, frankly, your shoe!
I love the Vosges bacon chocolate bars.


I am trying to score a trip to Portland to visit Voodoo Doughnuts and try their Maple Bacon Long John.


When entering the ill-fated Plugra Butter competition, I was sure the winning recipe would be my Honey Bacon Butter. What else would you want on your waffles? Butter. With honey. And crispy pieces of bacon. I still can't believe I didn't win.

So when I was sitting at brunch a while back with my friend Tracey, and we were splitting a side order of really lovely Nueske bacon with our frittatas, and I was telling her about the genius Bacon Explosion I had read about on Michael Ruhlman's Blog




Suddenly I announced that I wished my plate were made of bacon…lightning bolt.

Think on it, people.

Plate.

Made.

Of.

Bacon.

A thin, crispy sheet of bacony goodness upon which to serve any number of complementary foodstuffs.

Imagine a fresh arugula salad, peppery and slicked with good olive oil, bright with a squeeze of lemon or a splash of sherry vinegar. Some shavings of pecorino or creamy crumbles of chevre. Maybe some dried cherries or caramelized walnuts or roasted blood oranges.

Now imagine this perfect salad, ON A BACON PLATE! Can't you just taste it? C'mon, you know you want to.

Alright, salad not your thing? You think bacon is better at breakfast? Okey dokey, think stack of hot buttermilk pancakes, dripping with butter and good maple syrup.

ON A BACON PLATE!

My mind reeled at the possibilities. I mean, sure, you can have your basic bacon plate, just simple smoky goodness. But there suddenly came flood of variations. Bacon plate caramelized with cinnamon and brown sugar. Glazed with BBQ sauce. Black Pepper and Honey Bacon Plate, Maple Glazed Bacon Plate, Honey Mustard Bacon Plate, Spicy Cajun Bacon Plate, Teriyaki Bacon Plate, Herbs de Provence Bacon Plate, Chicken Fried Bacon Plate…it is endless!

And then it really came to me. CHOCOLATE COVERED BACON PLATE WITH ALMONDS!!!!! Or rather, chocolate covered bacon BOWL with almonds, in which to serve ice cream.

I could pass out.

It was too good an idea, too tempting a project.

I was born to Bacon Plate.

I was not born to have success right out of the box.

The night of our brunch I took a package of Nueske's bacon out of my freezer to thaw, so that I could begin the new BP era. When I awoke in the morning, there was a lightness in my heart, a spring in my step. There was not the tiniest worry that I would fail.

And here is what your Bacon Obsessed Polymath discovered.

BACON PLATE NOTES: V1

Tried two versions, one with basket weave bacon slices, one with slices just slightly overlapped. Baked at 400 degrees on parchment sheet on pan for approx. 18 minutes.

1. I must buy thin sliced bacon, the extra-thick-cut stuff I keep in my freezer doesn't get brittle and crispy the way it needs to. Also need to cook with a second sheet pan on top so they don't curl.

2. Better to overlap the slices slightly than basket weave. Same reasons as above.

3. It is surprisingly easy to eat an entire package of bacon.

4. Not having a sprightly arugula salad or stack of pancakes to put upon my bacon plates, I found that the second best use is to put it dead in the middle of your peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich for breakfast. (See #3) And to make my sad but fave version of BLTs, which is just BLs, ('cause I don't like raw tomatoes), but I do like equal parts of crispy bacon and iceberg lettuce between two slices of plotchy white bread. (See #3)

5. This is a totally viable project, I will wait a couple of months for my blood to return to an appropriate red-cell-to-bacon-fat ratio and then do a second attempt.

6. Despite having eaten an entire package of bacon between breakfast and lunch, it is still possible to need lemon linguine for dinner.

7. There is something equally lovely and pathetic about spending a Saturday in your pajamas on a bacon binge.

8. Having done #4, I am convinced that a chocolate covered bacon bowl is officially the best possible receptacle for a scoop of strawberry ice cream, and must figure out way to make this happen.

As with many things that I get instantly passionate about and then abandon just as quickly, the Great Bacon Plate Experiment was destined to be a random weekend fling and not a consuming permanent romance. I simply abandoned the project, such as it was. I figured that I could, if called upon, probably make a decent bacon plate by just fixing some of the stuff that went wrong during testing, and really, more testing was not necessary. Especially since I am trying to be good about my food these days, and I clearly cannot be trusted alone in the house with bacon.

I frankly forgot all about it, and turned my attention to less butt-expanding pursuits like reorganizing my closets and moving stuff around in my apartment.

Until the other day when a friend asked me whatever happened with the Bacon Plate Experiment.

I had also conveniently forgotten that for several days after the Experiment I had told many people about my new amazing invention, always problematic if you are going to give up on something quickly…makes you look flaky. Especially if you tell them that you think you can market your idea to restaurants and supermarkets and to not be surprised if Billy Mays is hocking a monthly Bacon Plate Club on late night cable someday.

(This obviously before he was, um, all dead and all…which is a major blow since I can't really see the ShamWow! guy doing justice to a Bacon Plate)

I had to admit to her that I had yet to actually create a successful Bacon Plate, and that I had pretty much given up due to wanting my blood to actually continue to get through my veins unimpeded.

She laughed and admitted to me that she has at least fourteen notebooks containing pages of scribbles about different side businesses that she wanted to start, and that once she got all the notes down, her desire to actually start the businesses went away.

It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one to get all amped up about something and then let it go just as quickly.

I started thinking about such projects in my own life, and discovered that they were many.

There was the genius idea my sister and I had about creating a sort of rubber soled disposable ballet slipper kind of shoe that could fold up and fit in your purse for when your feet get sore at weddings and other stillettoed events but you don't want to stop dancing. Or walking. This involved my actually…wait for it….making a pair of shoes. And then doing nothing with them. SHOE FAIL

Note:  My sister recently called me to say she had seen a pair of our fantastic hypothetical shoe in a store, meaning that once again we are not genius entrepreneur millionairesses.

Then there was the sudden need to have the inset squares on the ceiling of my dining room painted in a gold-on-gold harlequin pattern which I believed I could achieve by painting the pattern on pieces of foam core and then attaching to the ceiling. I did two out of twenty, got them up, they looked weird, so I gave up. I did not, for the record, take them down until my recent Project Apartment 2.0 mania. (I did, for the record, put them up about 6 ½ years ago.) CEILING FAIL

Note:  The two squares continue to have splotches where taking the squares down pulled off not only the paint but some of the drywall paper as well.  They look great next to the Chinese paper lanterns I put up for a Chinese-themed dinner party.  In 1994. 

I have bought pieces of furniture with the express intent of stripping off layers of paint and giving them new life, only to have them languish in the basement. FURNITURE FAIL

I once bought all the supplies I would need to can my own jam and other delectables into beautiful jars…the jars and other canning equipment are in my basement, pristine and unused. CANNING FAIL

Note:  With my summer successes with quick pickles, I still have every intention of bringing back the canning project.  I'm just still so nervous, what with my food safety issues and all, deep down I'm pretty sure there might be botulism in my future, and not as an injectable.  But I'm working on it.
At least the Bacon Plate Project didn't require special equipment, and of all the things I ever gave up on, is the only one that at least has the side benefit of keeping me somewhat healthier!

But it did make me think about all of my favorite bacon-y recipes, all of which taste even better now that Fall is descending.

So I thought I would share some of my best bacon recipes, just in time for the weekend.

And if any of you have any success with the bacon plate...I want pictures.  And a percentage.

Bacon Dates



thanks foodnetwork.com
8 oz. chive or scallion cream cheese
2 pkg. California pitted dates
1 lb thin sliced bacon, slices halved, and blanched 1 minute in boiling water (or ready to eat bacon)

Make a slice lengthwise in one side of dates. Stuff with ½ T cream cheese. Wrap in half slice bacon and skewer with toothpicks.  Bake in 400 degree oven 10-12 minutes or until bacon is crisp, or cook under broiler but WATCH CAREFULLY!!!!

Bacon-Wrapped  Barbeque Meatloaf
 
 

thanks foodnetwork.com
2 tsp. vegetable oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 large eggs
2 tsp. fresh thyme
1 tsp salt
½ tsp black pepper
2 tsp Dijon mustard
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
½ c Greek yogurt (can sub sour cream or whole milk)
1 lb. ground beef chuck
½ lb. ground pork
½ lb. ground veal
½ c French's fried onions, chopped
2/3 c crushed saltine crackers or dried bread crumbs
1/3 c minced fresh parsley
8oz of your favorite barbeque sauce (bottled or homemade)
8 oz. bacon, sliced thin
2 T brown sugar
1 T tomato paste
1 T maple syrup

For the glaze: Mix the barbeque sauce with the brown sugar, tomato paste and maple syrup in saucepan, set aside.

For the meat loaf: Heat oven to 350 degrees. Heat oil in medium skillet. Add onion and garlic; sauté until softened, about 5 minutes. Set aside to cool while preparing remaining ingredients.

Mix eggs with thyme, salt, pepper, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and yogurt. Add egg mixture to meat in large bowl along with crackers, fried onions, parsley, and cooked onion and garlic; mix with fork until evenly blended and meat mixture does not stick to bowl. (If mixture sticks, add additional milk, a couple tablespoons at a time until mix no longer sticks.)

With wet hands, pat mixture into approximately 9-by-5-inch loaf shape on a foil lined and greased sheet pan. Brush with half of the glaze, then arrange bacon slices, crosswise, over loaf, overlapping slightly and tucking  bacon tip ends under loaf. Bake loaf until bacon is crisp and loaf registers 160 degrees, about 1 hour. Cool at least 20 minutes. Simmer remaining glaze over medium heat until thickened slightly. Slice meat loaf and serve with extra glaze passed separately.

Sweet Bacon Jam
 
If you want this and don't want to make it yourself, buy this version.



thanks bakingandpastryschool.com

1 T olive oil
1 lb slab bacon, diced in small squares
2 onions, chopped
2 T balsamic vinegar
½ c maple syrup
1 c port wine or cream sherry
Pepper to taste.

Heat a deep skillet with oil and cook bacon until fat is almost completely rendered out. Keep ¼ c of the bacon fat in pan, reserving the rest for other uses.  Add onions to pan, cooking until well caramelized. Add balsamic and cook 2-3 minutes longer. Add the maple syrup and cook slowly, about 5 minutes. Add port and pepper to taste and cook gently 20-30 minutes until it is the consistency of jam.  This is a great base for appetizers, it is great with cheeses, or use it as a condiment for steaks.

Linguine All'amatriciana



thanks recipemashups.com
1/2 pound of unsliced pancetta ( you can substitute slab bacon)
3 T olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 1/2 pounds canned tomatoes, preferably San Marzano
1/2 t red-pepper flakes
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 pound dried lingune or perciatelli
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Cut the pancetta into chunks less than one-half inch thick. Place in a saucepan with the olive oil and fry over low heat for 15 minutes, until all the fat has been rendered out and the meat is very crisp. Remove the meat from the pan with a slotted spoon and set aside.Add the onion to the pan and saute over medium heat for five minutes.Drain the tomatoes, finely chop them and add to the onion in the pan. Season with red-pepper flakes and salt and pepper to taste and simmer 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Bring a large pot of cold water to a boil and add salt to taste. Add the pasta and cook until al dente, about 9 to 12 minutes, depending on the brand. Drain well.

Transfer the cooked sauce to a large heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add the pasta and the reserved meat and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Remove the skillet from the heat, add the cheese and mix very well. Transfer the pasta to a warm platter and serve immediately.

Despite my preference for keeping bacon to delicious food items, I will admit, I do sorta want these shoes a little bit....


thanks geekology.com
Most importantly, if you are really a bacon fiend, get yourself some Nueske's, especially their new cherrywood smoked stuff...it is the epitome of bacon perfection and you don't even want to know how much I have in my freezer. 

I will only say that for his birthday, Charming Suitor received (not from me) a 5 pound package!

What are your favorite uses for bacon?

Yours in Good (smoky) Taste,
The Polymath

The Parlor and the Kitchen- Cocktail Party

I don't cook professionally. And as much as I love to write about food, especially here, I don't cook as an excuse to write about it. I don't believe that I could effectively work the line in a busy restaurant kitchen, nor do I want to. I cook for my family and my friends and my love and myself. I cook because I believe that food sustains the soul and spirit. I believe food can heal the heart and enliven the body.


I also sometimes believe food is a cure for boredom, an answer to depressing circumstances and a necessary accompaniment to late night television, none of which is particularly a good idea, and yes, I do in fact know better. I just forget I know better now and again.

But at the end of the day, good food prepared with love is a way to say to the person you are cooking for "You mean something special to me." even if that person is you. Sometimes you need to cook an elegant meal for one, and savor your own abilities!  Especially if you are having a craving for something special.  I was already head over heels for my Charming Suitor before he ever heated a pan on my behalf….but when that man cooked me dinner for the first time, a perfectly roasted breast of duck, marinated in orange and lemon zest and coriander, with new potatoes and steamed green beans, all perfectly cooked and offered up with a deep generosity of spirit…well, my little heart about beat right out of my chest.

Nothing makes me happier than someone who invites me over and assigns me something to bring. Or the friend who calls in need of a potluck dish and wants me to ghost-cook it for them. I have no desire to run a catering business or open a restaurant. I don't want the health inspector knock knock knocking at my kitchen door. I just want to play in the kitchen for the people who mean something to me as a way of showing my love.

My Dad was recently elected President of a board of a local charity that he has been working with for a while now, and as his first official act, he invited the board and staff over for a cocktail party. It was a chance for the new board members to meet the rest of the group, and for everyone to mix and mingle. I got tapped to do the food. My favorite kind of assignment. "Here is the budget, do whatever you want, just make it lovely." AWESOME!

I don't get to do larger scale cocktail parties very often, since at home CS and I prefer dinner parties for a maximum of 10, or BBQs for bigger groups. But I love to make little nibbles, and it is exciting to be able to pull out some of those recipes now and again (all of which I will share at the bottom).

For this event I made:



Edamame Mousse- This is totally decadent and delish. I serve mine in Chinese soup spoons for that cater-y touch, you can buy them in bulk pretty cheaply in both melamine and porcelain. But you can just serve it in a bowl with stuff to dip in it.



Pasta Skewers with Artichokes and Tomato Brown Butter Vinaigrette- Costco fresh pasta bundles filled with goat cheese and herbs, but you can sub any fresh tortellini from the grocery store that you like. Frozen artichoke hearts. You can use canned, but see if you can find the frozen ones, I think it makes a difference. Cook the pasta, toss in olive oil, salt and pepper and chill. Thaw the artichoke hearts and season with salt and pepper. Put one of each on a skewer (I love bamboo!) with a bowl of the dipping vinaigrette in the middle. Any leftover? Pull 'em off the skewers, toss the bunch in a spoon or two of the sauce and you have killer pasta salad.


Sweet Corn Vichyssoise with Popcorn- this is barely a recipe, and a little late as corn season is nearly over, but save it for next summer. Steam 6 ears of corn. Strip off the kernels and put the cobs in a pot. Put 2 quarts of water over the cobs and boil 30 minutes. Put the kernels in your blender with just enough corn stock to reach the level of the kernels. Blend until smooth. Too thick? Add more corn stock. Should be a thick texture. I pass mine thru a strainer to get the bits for a really velvety texture. Season to taste with salt. You can serve hot or cold. For garnish I made popcorn and seasoned it with salt and pepper. I served mine in these cool disposables from Mozaik.



New Potatoes with Smoked Salmon- These are a great use of store bought stuff, and a terrific way to make an expensive luxury item like smoked salmon go a very long way! I only used about ¼ lb in this whole platter! Boil new potatoes then chill. Slice off a bit of both top and bottom, so that they stand up securely, and with a melon baller or the tip of a spoon, make a small well in the top. I bought a good cucumber tzatziki at the store and added sour cream, lemon zest and grated horseradish. You can also use your favorite creamy sauce for salmon. Put some sauce in the well, put a layer of salmon on top and garnish. Dill and chive are obvious, but I used chervil here, and have also used celery leaves. Just a bit of unexpected!



Duck Confit Wontons with Balsamic Onion Jam and Fried Pickled Ginger- Big wow factor, minimal work. I bought duck confit, you can also sometimes find roasted duck premade at Costco. Can't find confit? Head to Chinatown or your favorite Chinese restaurant and buy a roasted or BBQ duck. Or substitute a rotisserie chicken. Remove skin and shred the meat by hand, looks better than cutting. I use Braswell's balsamic onion jam, it is amazing on almost any meat you can think of. Can't find it? Try fig jam instead, and stir in a bit of balsamic vinegar. Or caramelize onions with a bit of vinegar yourself. I went lazy. I bought wonton skins, cut them into rounds with a biscuit cutter and fried them in peanut oil till golden brown. Pickled ginger (if you can't find the jars just stop by any sushi restaurant and ask for some) I also fried in the peanut oil until just crispy. Be sure to pat the ginger very dry before frying or your oil will spatter! Crispy wonton, bit of jam, some shreds of duck, a piece of ginger, toss some finely chopped chives around. YUM!



Caprese Tomatoes- One bite salad. Hollow out cherry tomatoes. Season with salt and pepper, and a drizzle of olive oil. Wrap fresh mozzarella balls in fresh basil. Stuff in tomatoes. Pop in mouth.



Fill in your buffet with a nice cheese platter.



And a veggie basket.





Maybe a couple of dips that you like.

Some olives and nuts here and there don't hurt.  Ditto salami sticks and breadsticks here and there. In vases. Because it is fun.



There is always room in the dessert compartment…I love this platter of fresh figs and strawberries with rough chunks of dark and white chocolate. I buy good quality baking chunks (these are Callebaut) and use the tip of a knife to break off large-ish ragged bits. And I've been dying to try my new silicone baking sheets with the mini squares, so I just made a batch of my banana bread with mini chocolate chips instead of big ones and baked these cuties!

Some of my tips for a great looking buffet:



I stick to white and wood for serving pieces. If necessary I fill in with silver or glass. I think food just looks best on white and these pieces can be gotten very inexpensively so if there is breakage, it doesn't hurt. I don't think I paid more than $20 for any of my white serveware, and most are in the $10-15 range.

Small white appetizer plates can be had for about $2-3 each at restaurant supply places, Cost Plus World Market and the like. Keep an eye out for sales. Unless you do not have a dishwasher, or you do not have a lot of storage for such supplies, in which case for the love of god go plastic or paper. Ditto for glassware.

I am terrible at flower arranging. I stick to small vases with one kind of flower per vase, and strew them around. Keeps it simple and no one knows I suck at it.

Buffets need a certain amount of scale or they look chintzy, so buy about 25-30% more food than you actually think will be eaten. But don't make work for yourself with platters that need replenishing. Put out everything and let them at it.

If you do serve something in a Chinese spoon, on a skewer, or in a small cup, place a plate near the platter for discards. Be sure to put one dirty one on each so that people know what they are for. Ditto small cups for olive pits.

Most important, have fun! Mix and mingle. Set up a self-serve bar so you aren't running drinks all night and hang out with your people. And if you have the budget, a couple hours of someone in the kitchen to help clean is a godsend. You can easily find a student for $10-12 an hour, and having someone cleaning as you go and then helping clear the decks at the end of the night can make the worst part of the party go much smoother.

Here are some of the recipes from the party:

Edamame Mousse

3 c Edamame (I buy this frozen and out of the shell, or it is a major pain!)
½ c butter
½ c cream
½ c truffle oil
Salt and pepper to taste
Onion Sprouts or chopped chives

Boil thawed edamame until tender in salted water, about 10-12 minutes. Puree in food processor with rest of ingredients and season to taste. Serve room temp or slightly warmed sprinkled with onion sprouts or chopped chives.

Brown-Butter Tomato Vinaigrette for Pasta Skewers

3 sticks unsalted butter
6 T sherry vinegar
6 T tomato water (chop 2 large fresh peeled tomatoes into a large dice and cook over medium high heat for 2-3 minutes, then strain in a sieve lined with cheesecloth to just capture the juice. Can substitute one small can of crushed tomatoes strained)
2 T strained tomatoes (from making the tomato water)
12 T extra-virgin olive oil
2 T chopped shallot
2 t Dijon mustard
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Melt the butter in a small saucepan over medium-high heat until browned but not burned, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and reserve, but be sure it does not solidify.

In a blender (or with your immersion blender), combine the vinegar, tomato water, olive oil, shallot and mustard. Blend until smooth. With the motor running, slowly drizzle in the reserved butter and blend until thickened. Season to taste and set aside at room temperature until ready to serve. If you have to put it in the fridge, be sure to bring it back to room temp before serving.

I use this as a salad dressing (regular or pasta salad), but also as a dip for shrimp, skewers of veggies, or anything else. It would taste good on your shoe!

Chef D's Awesome Cheese Dip

I am lucky to be surrounded by great friends who cook, and Chef D is legit, and she owns a cooking school! This cheese dip is killer. I've posted it before, but it bears repeating.

4 oz cream cheese
1/4 c mayo
2-3 T of Greek yogurt
2-3 T lemon juice
1 t smoky paprika
10 oz grated cheddar
8 oz fontina
4-6 scallions, sliced
¼ t red pepper flakes

Grate the cheese either by hand or in a food processor. Put everything into the processor and blend til it is dip like - taste & adjust lemon & S+P. I sometimes add a splash of Worcestershire just for the helluva it.

White Bean Caramelized Onion Dip

A great substitute for hummus, because let's be frank, aren't we all a little sick of hummus?

2 cans cannellini beans or other white beans, drained
Juice of 1 ½ lemons
½ c extra virgin olive oil
1 clove garlic
1 T fresh thyme leaves
½ c caramelized onions (about one large onion cooked in 2 T olive oil over med-low heat till deep brown)
S/P to taste

Combine all ingredients in food processor and blend until creamy and smooth.

What are your best tips and recipes for a great cockatil party buffet?

Yours in Good Taste.
The Polymath

Feasting Friday- Cure for the Common Cold

Your Polymath has a cold.


Thanks to thisoldhouse.com for the picJust your average everyday run-of-the-mill early Fall cold, probably brought on by weird weather changes.  And not a horrible debilitating cold, just a general fatigue-y, sore throat, a little achy kind of cold.  Not overly bronchial, nor sinus-y.  Bad enough to keep me from fun stuff like girl's lunches, birthday dinners out, and writing  But not so bad as to prevent me from catching up on my TiVo, running out to Target/Costco at odd hours to beat the crowds, and reading some fun things like Medium Raw by Anthony Bourdain and finally starting The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo -- which is not, to be honest, grabbing my attention in the same feverish way as it seems to have gripped the rest of the world.  (Note to publishers....if it isn't 100% essential to the essence and purity of the story to retain orginal names from foreign translations, take the time to change them to something that doesn't take me right out of the story everytime I read them.  Really?  Blomkvist?  Eleventy-million times?)

As it is cold season, I thought I would share my personal list of go-to try to beat the cold tips and tricks.

1.  Chamomile tea with lemon and honey.  Lots of it.  The chamomile is good for the slight queasyness that can accompany colds, has some natural anti-inflammatory properties, and can help you rest.  The honey and lemon both soothe sore throats, and the honey helps to keep your blood sugar up since you are likely to have minimal appetite.  Plus they are yummy.  And the tea helps keep you hydrated.


thanks to kshore.com for pic
2.  Throat lozenges.  I like Hall's Defense with Vitamin C for mild sore throats, the regular Hall's for more powerful relief.


3.  Crystallized Candied Ginger.  These little nuggets covered in coarse sugar are sweet enough to cut through the lack of palate, spicy enough to help clear the nose a bit, and ginger is soothing to the tummy.  I get mine in the bulk section of Whole Foods or at the local Asian food market. 


crystallizedginger.net
4.  Hot baths and showers.  As hot as you can take them.  The steam is very comforting, and lets be honest, you are probably napping a lot and if you aren't diligent, you can start to get a little ripe.  If you have those tub soothers available, they don't hurt, ditto essential oils like rosemary and eucalyptus. 



5.  Chicken soup.  Doctors have actually done studies on the famous Jewish Penicillin, and found that it really does have healing properties.  I'm not a doctor, I just know that it is one of the few things I can actually eat happily. 

This is a recipe of Charming Suitor's.  He adapted it from a Charlie Trotter recipe.  It is the chickeniest of chicken soups, with beans for extra protein, and especially delicious if you have a loaf of crusty bread to dunk in it.

I made mine in the gorgeous new slow cooker that  Cuisinart sent me....meaning I could just bung everything in the cooker in the morning, and by dinner, we had the best soup ever.  If you do not have a slow cooker, you can just do it in the oven.



Charming Suitor Chicken Soup with Flageolets

8 c chicken broth (homemade is great, otherwise use one of the lower sodium natural style canned stocks)

1 chicken (about 3 lbs)
1/2 pkg fresh thyme tied with twine or put in a sachet
1/2 pkg fresh sage tied with twine or put in a sachet
2-3 cloves garlic, peeled and whole
1 onion, diced
1 leek, cleaned and diced
4 carrots, peeled and sliced into ¼ inch rounds
1 T olive oil
1 c Flageolet or other white beans, soaked overnight or 2 cans cannelini beans drained and rinsed

S&P to taste

(If you don't have a slow cooker, preheat oven to 350.)

Sweat all veggies in oil over low heat in large Dutch oven covered for about 10 to fifteen minutes. If you have a slow cooker, transfer to the bowl, if not keep in Dutch oven.  Nestle sachets in veggies and place whole chicken on top. Add chicken stock and cover.  Either set slow cooker to high and let cook 6-8 hours, or place the Dutch oven in the oven 2 ½- 3 hours. Remove chicken from stock and remove skin and bones, returning meat to pan. Taste for salt and pepper.  Serve.

To be honest, yesterday I did not have an onion, so I doubled up on the leeks, and left out the garlic whcih can sometimes upset my tummy.  I do recommend stocking up on dried flageolets, their pale jade color is lovely and they get all creamy in the soup.  If you don't have time to soak them overnight, cover them with water and bring to a boil for 20 minutes, then drain and rinse and proceed with the rest of the recipe.  I like mine with a last minute squirt of fresh lemon, but Charming Suitor likes it without.  It is a bowl of ultimate cold-kicking delicious.  And freezes quite well.

Yours in Good (if sniffly) Taste,
The Polymath