Rodney Strange's Blog, page 7

'The Vampire Princess'

"Old...ugly...old and ugly."
On the rebound from my disastrous date with Leslie the mail lady, I had succumbed to an online ad directing me to a free dating site called Plenty of Fish, the name itself should have given me fair warning of what I could expect. Nevertheless, I was high and dry and disgruntled and had lowered my standards about as low as they could go, browsing undateable women's' profiles in the wee hours of a Friday night.
"Fat...eew, grody...oh, here's a phycho!"
I shook my head as I read the headline, 'Vampire Princess Seeking The Dark Side." I mean, really? What kind of a nut...my eyes focused on the few photos attached to the profile. I squinted, lifting the laptop up to eye level. Was that...Phycho Sherry? After all these years! I began reading the profile.
'No, I am not Goth. Goth is for wannabe tweens. I am the real deal, a vampire princess...'
I stared at the pictures, my mind unleashing memories from once upon a time, I believe it was the summer of 2002...
I sat at a table alone at the edge of the dance floor, a black Stetson pulled low on my brow, casting a shadow across my face as the neon lights danced like fairies between the boots of wannabe cowboys and lonely women on the old wooden floor before me. My eyes darted from table to table, my mind making mental notes of exactly where every single woman was positioned in the room. I sipped slowly on a Coors Light waiting for the urge to strike me and when it did, I'd be ready. One I hit that dance floor, there'd be no stopping me. I'd dance the night away with a dozen or more of those beautiful creatures pressed against me. I'd smell the sweetness of their perfume. Feel their breath against my neck. Hold their bodies tight against me. I'd not stop until the lights came on and they told us all to go home. It was what I did on Saturday nights, go to the bar...the one place a man could go all alone and not be alone.
I cast a glance toward the far end of the room and my eyes locked on a lone silhouette sitting in the farthest, darkest corner of the bar. I drained the last of my beer, still staring. A woman alone, I decided. My curiosity convinced me she merited a closer look. I swaggered my way toward the table, the darkness still making it impossible to make out anything more than a silhouette. There was only one thing left to do.
"Hey, come dance with me." I flashed a smile as the brunette lifted her head and stared into my soul beautiful green eyes.
"F--- you! Go away! I just want to sit here and drink beer!"
Fueled with a healthy dose of grit and determination, I slid into the chair across from her, motioning to a nearby waitress to bring two more beers.
"What's your name?"
"F--- you! Leave me be, will you!" she snarled.
I passed the waitress a five as she sat the beers on the table.
"So, what did he do?"
The girl stared at the beer before her before reluctantly reaching for it.
"He won't leave his wife. He tells me he's leaving her, but there they are right out there on the dance floor."
She tossed her long hair as she shot a quick glance toward the couples beneath the neon lights.
"Well, you come out there with me and we'll dance circles around them, what do you say?"
"F--- you! I don't dance. I just want to sit here and drink beer."
After nine beers, the girl who called herself Sherry finally allowed me to walk her to the dance floor. With the lights from above illuminating her, I felt a tingle run through my body as I gazed at the gorgeous woman now in my arms. Her brunette hair flowed down her back until there was no back. Her green eyes sparkled in the neon. A dress that was really short, though not too short for my taste, hugged her body. After the first dance, I felt her relax in my arms.
"Getting warmed up now?" I asked.
"My boyfriend and his wife just walked out the door. I'm okay now," she whispered as she laid her head on my shoulder.
The night seemed to evaporate like raindrops on a hot sidewalk. The girl named Sherry clung to me as we spun around the dance floor, her warm breath against my neck. Before either of us was ready to end the night, the DJ announced the last song of the evening.
"Oh, Brian Adams. I love this song." Sherry whispered in my ear as she drew her body even closer. Even with our eyes closed, we could still see the neon fairies dancing at our feet. As the last note of the song played, our lips met and we kissed. I mean, we really, really kissed!
And that's where I probably messed up...

'Kiss Me Goodbye'

Continued from last week's story 'Men Only Want One Thing'    

As the pickup rounded a curve in the Farm to Market road, one lonely blinking light came into view, signaling me that I had arrived in Sunup, Texas. Dusk settled across the sleepy little community as I drove down Main Street. A half dozen antiquated street lights flickered to life, casting an eerie glow upon vacant store fronts that likely had not seen a customer since the Great Depression. As Leslie the mail lady had instructed, I turned right on the last road on Main, following it to the very end. Beneath a solitary street light sat a single wide mobile home that I could tell even in the dim light had seen better times. An old wooden porch wobbled beneath me as I knocked on the door. I could hear foot steps from inside and directly the front door opened. A wide eyed chubby lad, perhaps six or so, peered at me through a torn screen before abruptly slamming the door. I again heard footsteps and then a voice.
"Mom, there's an old man standing on our porch!"
"Well good lord Pudgy, let the man in. And he's not an old man, he's my friend!"
More footsteps and the door opened again, Leslie smiling as she unlatched the screen.
"Oh, you found it! Come in!"
As I stepped into the dimly lit living room, Leslie began introducing her family.
You've met Pudgy. This is my twelve-year-old daughter, Samantha. My twenty two-year-old daughter Angel, and trust me, she ain't no angel. This is her husband Rob and my two grandbabies. They're two and six months. Come on into the kitchen. I'm making hamburger soup."
I worked my way through the maze of feet crammed into the small area, following Leslie who seemed adept at maneuvering in tiny spaces.
"Here, taste this. I am not much of a cook, but I do make a pretty good hamburger soup."
I allowed her to place the spoon inside my mouth. It tasted just like it looked...clumps of hamburger floating in hot water. With a heaping dose of garlic salt, some chili powder, a dash of paprika, and a whole onion...it might have been edible.
"Oh, wow! That's really good!" I obligingly replied.
"Here's a bowl. Get you some. Y'all come eat! Do you know anything about Bearded Dragons?" she continued as a herd of people surrounded me with empty bowls and spoons.
I glanced at her as she hovered over an aquarium sitting beside a Mr. Coffee on the counter.
"Well, all I know about reptiles and rodents is they don't belong in the house," I commented as the fat kid shoved me away from the pot of soup. I glimpsed through the glass at a six-inch lizard laying on his back. Definitely, on his last leg, I decided.
"I'd say you should probably throw him outside before you go to bed tonight. Safe bet he'll not make it through the night."
Pudgy let out a wail, "My pet dragon is going to die!"
"Shut your freakin' mouth! I just got the babies to sleep!" screamed Angel.
"Find you a place on the couch, Rusty. I'll start a movie. Hope you like chick flicks."
The front door opened and a scruffy man perhaps in his mid-thirties stepped into the furor as everyone scrambled to secure a seat with their bowl of soup.
"Hi, Donald." Leslie unenthusiastically muttered, "I made hamburger soup if you want some."
"Hell no! Got any beer?"
Leslie rolled her eyes and the man turned and stepped back outside, "Brought my own just in case."
As the chick flick began, I found myself sandwiched between Donald and Pudgy, my elbows drawn into my ribs as I tried unsuccessfully several times to hit my mouth with a table spoon. Donald slurped his beer while Pudgy picked his nose, wiping boogers on my freshly starched Wranglers. I glanced over at Angel and Rob cuddled on a worn love seat, Rob caressing his wife's boob as she polished off the last bite of her soup. Leslie sat in a rocking chair across the room, a mere five feet from me. Samatha trotted in from the kitchen, planting herself directly in front of me.
"I play clarinet in band. Were you ever in band? Eww! Pudgy's wiping boogers on your pants!"
I heard a bowl land sharply on the floor and suddenly Leslie hovered above me. With the grace of a lioness, she hefted the fat kid into mid-air, swatting him soundly on his rear several times. He emitted a howl which resulted in more howls from some room down a narrow hall.
"See what you freakin' did now, Mom! You woke the babies up!" Angel leaped from her spot and stomped down the hall. Pudgy continued to howl and Donald belched and reached for his fifth beer. And things just went down hill from there.

Just as soon as the credits began to roll across the small screen, I stood and glanced at my watch.
"Oh goodness. It's getting late. I should head home."
Leslie glanced at a clock on her wall. "It's barely ten. We have another movie to watch and I thought we might play a card game afterward."
"Oh no, it's quite a ways home."
"Fifteen minutes..." she squinted her eyes as she followed me outside.
"Well, you have quite a family, Leslie," I mentioned as I unlocked my pickup.
"What's important is that we are a family in every sense of the word. We are very close."
I nodded and forced the question that had been on my mind all evening.
"So, who is Donald?"
"He's my ex. The daddy to Pudgy and Samantha. He's trying to straighten his life up. Got caught up with drugs. Ran off with a meth whore for a couple of months. God only knows why. She didn't have a single tooth in her head."
Her eyes focused on me as I stood in silence, the street light casting a yellow glow across her face. She dropped her head and stared at her hands.
"I'm not really dating material, am I, Rusty?"
I let out a deep sigh and with hesitation replied, "No, not really. But I bet you are one hell of a good mama. You don't need anyone getting in the way of that."
I opened the door of my truck. Her hand fell gently on my arm, guiding me to turn around and face her.
Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, "Kiss me goodbye?"
Whenever I think of Leslie the mail lady, it is of that last moment I ever saw her in my rear view mirror, standing in the middle of that dark street, a dim streetlight casting its frail light on her as she sobbed, her shoulders quaking, her face buried in her hands. I think about her often, really...

'Men Only Want One Thing'

Continued from last week's story 'What I Thought I Said'  

"Say it again...what you just said, 'cause surely I didn't hear you right the first time!"
Tiny lightning bolts streaked across her darkened eyes and I swear I caught a glimpse of smoke billowing from her nostrils as Leslie the mail lady sent a half eaten banana split spinning across the table, splattering whip cream all over the Dairy Queen napkin holder.
I cleared my throat cautiously and spoke in a whisper as I struggled to force air into my lungs.
"Leslie, I asked you if you would like to go with me to that country bar up in the city this weekend and maybe dance?" I swallowed hard awaiting her next storm surge.
As I feared, she leaned across the table bringing me into swatting range and with a curled lip she responded.
"The last place on this planet I want to be is in a bar! Men in bars are sorry!"
She said it with such emphasis that little spit droplets escaped from her lips as she accented the word 'SORRY.' Then, just in case I missed the whole sentence, she repeated it again, with more spit spewing from her pretty lips. Her head began to bobble like a bobble head doll as if she just had a new revelation.
"Matter of fact, men, in general, are sorry! Men only want one thing!"
And there it was. We men have heard it all our lives..."Men only want one thing!" We have heard it all our lives from those who think they know us best...women. But, doggone it, they always stop right there. They never tell us what exactly that ONE THING is. So, here we are, us men wandering hopelessly around in a stupor, trying to figure out just what women think we want. Hell, we're so busy worrying about that, we ain't even got time to think about what women want...
"And let me make something else crystal clear, mister! I come with baggage. My kids and I are a package deal. We do everything as a family! Ain't no man going to drag me away from my children. Kids can't go to a bar! What are you thinking?"
My eyes veered from side to side at people sitting nearby, staring intently, eavesdropping.
"Oh! And no man is getting in my britches until he puts a ring on my finger and my name on his checkbook. Been there and done that and got the kids to prove it!"
I knew my face had to be beet red and I was very aware that every Dairy Queen patron had their eyes fixated on me, awaiting my next move. I had to play the man card.
"I don't want in your britches. I just wanted to take you out dancing. Most women would jump at the chance to go out dancing. I'm sorry I pushed your button...sorry I asked you out. Believe me, I am really sorry I asked you out."
"Hiiieee, you two!"
I glanced up over my shoulder into the most beautiful blue eyes in west Texas.
"Hi, Jacy." I wanted to die right there. Jacy Morrow of all people had witnessed my public humiliation.
"I was just sitting over there," she pointed a finger at a booth behind me, "and I looked up and saw you and...what's your name, mail lady?"
Not waiting for an answer, she continued, "I must say the two of you really make a great looking couple! So, mail lady, are you taking good care of my man? 'Cause I don't loan him out to just anyone. He's a special guy and I can't have women kicking him around. I must say, girl, that you look really...um, you've got a blob of whip cream on your upper lip. Well, I just wanted to say 'hi' since I don't see you much anymore, Rusty. I best get back to my DQ Dude."
Jacy patted me on the shoulder as she turned to leave.
I grabbed my hat and scooted across the bench. Leslie, speechless, followed my lead.
We walked across the parking lot in utter silence, Leslie finally speaking.
"Who is she to you? Have you two ever dated?"
I shook my head, "No, never went out with her. That's just Jacy being Jacy."
As I began veering off toward my pickup, Leslie slowed her pace, finally stopping in the middle of the parking lot, staring at me as I made my retreat.
"Say..."
I paused and looked over my shoulder reluctantly.
"You wanna come over to the house Saturday night and watch a movie?" Her eyes were clouded with doubt as she spoke.
Truthfully at that very moment, I couldn't care less if I ever saw Leslie the mail lady again. I eyed her as she stood there in the Dairy Queen parking lot like a desperate little school girl crushing on the star quarterback.
'Do yourself a favor and tell her no,' my mind whispered in my ear. Then I saw the tear resting gently on her cheek.
"Sure, sounds good."

"Jack," I began as the barber tilted my head to the left, "a woman told me yesterday that men only want one thing. What one thing is it that we want?'
The man sheared a healthy portion of my hair off as he pondered my question.
"I just want football season to start. I think my wife does too. I quit pestering her for sex when football season kicks off."
I pursed my lips and nodded my head in deep thought.
"Naw, I don't think football is the right answer, Jack. It's gotta be more than that."

'What I Thought I Said'

 

Continued from last week's story 'And That's How It Started'  

I nonchalantly slurped on my Sonic Route 44 Root Beer as the mail jeep came to a sudden stop in front of the late Sam Tolbert's residence. Dust from the caliche road engulfed the vehicle, literally hiding it from my view. Momentarily, just as one might expect at a Victoria's Secret modeling event, Leslie the mail lady emerged from the grit, her brunette hair flowing in the breeze. She flashed a warm smile as she made her way up the old, broken sidewalk toward me.
"What are you doing sitting on poor old Sam Tolbert's porch?"
"Waiting on you!" I replied, adjusting my straw hat to shield me from the sunlight.
"No, really...because that's kinda creepy." Her eyes narrowed as she gazed cautiously at me.
"Sam's son T-Roy is out of town and he's expecting a life insurance check any day. He asked me to check the mailbox until he got back."
"Um," she pursed her lips as her eyes dropped to the two pieces of mail she held in her hand, "Here's an electric bill and looks like a Get Well card, maybe. Oops, maybe the post office didn't get that one delivered in a timely manner."
I held my hand out for the mail and she grinned, "Not so fast, mister! I have to put these in the mailbox...postal policy."
I let her dingyness slip by unnoticed as I thoughtfully glanced at her long legs standing before me.
"Well, sit down for a minute!" I scooted over a couple of inches to make room for her tiny hiney.
"This is my last stop. I suppose I could."
Just as I had envisioned, she slid down onto the old boards besides me, mere inches separating us.
"So Leslie, how long have you worked for the post office?" I questioned as I sipped another shot of root beer.
"About six months."
"Are you a single girl?" I knew of no other tactful way to approach the subject.
"Yes...for about six months. And I'm hardly a girl. I have five children!"
"Oh wow. And I suppose they all attend school in Sunup" This was a trick question which I hoped would give a reasonable idea of this beautiful woman's age.
"No, not hardly!" she laughed, "One is a pharmacist, one is a football coach. My oldest daughter is married with two little ones. And then I have a twelve-year-old and a six-year-old."
"Hum," I replied as my rusty brain began trying to calculate her age, "you must have gotten an early start. You don't look to be um...I'd guess, thirty-five."
"Haha," she laughed as she slapped my leg, "you missed it by ten years!"
"No way you're that old! Want a drink of my root beer?" I offered the cup to her.
She placed her lips on my straw, her eyes focused on the road. I felt my heart quiver as her lips puckered around the straw. She was a true work of art, I thought to myself.
"I best go, I suppose," Leslie rose as faced me, "I still have some work at the post office before quitting time."
Oh okay," I stood up, "Guess I'll meet you here tomorrow! Maybe that check will show up."
The mail lady smiled and turned toward her Jeep then spun around.
"I have a great idea! Why don't you give me your number and I can text you if the check comes in." she whipped out a very large phone from where I did not know.
I eagerly shared my number, watching over her shoulder as she saved the number on her phone.
"Got it! Bye!" she gave me a sultry look as she flung her hair and retreated to her little white mail jeep.
Old Sam Tolnert's life insurance check would show up the following day, but that didn't stop Leslie the mail lady from texting me daily and often right at bedtime every night. For the next few weeks we'd meet down at the Dairy Queen and share a root beer or an ice cream cone with some good conversation sprinkled in. It was a Wednesday that I decided to make my move. The two of us were working our way toward the middle of a banana split and I thought to myself, 'How can you get more intimate than this?'
I scooped a maraschino cherry into my spoon and placed it against her lips. She giggled and opened her mouth, allowing me to gingerly lay the cherry on her tongue. Her eyes sparkled as she chewed the fruit, a tuft of whipped cream adorning her upper lip.
"Leslie," I began, "I'm not much of a drinker but I do like to scoot a boot now and then. Would you like to go dancing with me Friday night up in the city?"
The girl froze in mid-chew. Her eyes grew dark, almost black as a sinister look came over her face.
"What? What did you say? Say it again 'cause I surely didn't hear you right the first time!"
I in return froze, my eyes glued to that patch of whipped cream beneath her nose. My mind frantically replayed my last sentence...I got nothing out of the ordinary the second time around.
I gasped a breath and cleared my throat. With a quiver in my voice, I responded, "I could be wrong, but here's what I thought I said..."

'And That's How It Started'

Continued from last week's story 'Just Jacy'...  

My eyes fixated on the spinning digits on the gas pump, my jaw set in determination. With the speed of a striking diamondback, I popped the trigger on the handle. Uttering a mild curse, I shook my head in defeat.
"Twenty dollars and three cents! I'll never hit on twenty even!"
As I screwed the gas cap on, my eyes raised and fixated themselves on a little mail jeep scooting up to the convenience store, brakes squealing.
"Whoa! I've never seen a mail lady that looks like that!"
I watched as a long, tall filly exited the jeep, her long brunette hair flowing in the west Texas breeze. As she entered the store, I couldn't help but notice her legs were even longer than that ravenous head of hair. I also couldn't help but notice her shorts, which probably were not official post office issued attire, but as I pursed my lips, were very nice fitting shorts nonetheless. I sighed. I had been avoiding Jacy Marrow, the manager of the convenience store, for a couple of weeks, still mortally wounded from her rejection. I decided I could 'man up' and venture inside for a Dr. Pepper...and a closer look at that mail lady.
Jacy's eyes immediately locked onto mine as I stepped inside, a twinkle flashing only briefly as she again turned her attention to the mail lady standing in front of her.
"I have no clue where Baker Road is. Rusty, can you help this...person out? Do you know?"
I dutifully and eagerly stepped toward the two, my fleeting glance turning from Jacy toward the brunette.
"Hi, I swear I've never seen you around town before." I extended my hand and introduced myself.
A warm smile spread across her face, "I'm Leslie. I usually work up the road in Sunup. I'm here covering for Bob Rickett while he recovers from knee replacement surgery. So, could you help me? This is my very last delivery of the day and for the life of me, I can't find Baker Road."
My eyes focused on those beautiful hazel eyes set so delicately into...
"If you two would kindly step aside, I could take care of these other customers!" Jacy brought me back into reality with her sharp command.
"You know, I didn't even know Sunup had a post office, Leslie." I smiled as her face lit up as I gently touched her arm to move the two of us away from the counter.
"Baker Road is right at the end of this side street. It's a dirt road that leads to the edge of town. Not but one house at the end of the road and...say, is that mail for Sam Tolbert, 'cause he died last month. I'm good friends with his son, T-Roy. I could just take the mail to him."
A look of bewilderment passed over her face, "Oh...no. I have to deliver the mail at that address...policy, you know."
I grunted softly under my breath, "Well, think you can find the place? I don't mind letting you follow me over there."
Leslie smiled graciously, "No, I think I can find it now, providing you gave me good directions."
I nodded, 'Left at the end of that street. Can't miss it."
My stare followed her out the door and I watched as the mail jeep pulled away.
"Wipe that drool from the corner of your mouth!" Jacy snapped, "And exactly where have you been the past two weeks. I texted you several times and you never replied. I bet you'd be right on it if that mail chick texted you!"
"Jacy, don't get your panties in a wad. I asked you out, you respectfully declined, and I respect that. I just decided maybe I should just keep moving along."
"Well, you sure give up easy!" Her blue eyes flashed.
"Okay, do you want to go out with me this weekend?"
"No, not right now. I'm pissed at you right now. Come back tomorrow and ask me again! And why did you even come in here anyway?"
"Oh yeah, I...uh needed a Dr. Pepper."

"I'm sure glad you called me. I got called out of town to work and I'm expecting a life insurance check for a substantial amount." T-Roy's voice boomed in my ear.
"How substantial?" I asked as I reached into his dead daddy's mail box.
"Well, I'd rather keep that personal...ten thousand dollars! I called the insurance company and they said the check was in the mail."
I studied the envelope in my hand, "I dunno. It could be an insurance check."
"Open it!" came T-Roy's voice eagerly over the phone.
"Naw, it says 'Your subscription to Maxim has expired."
I heard a sigh on the other end of the phone.
"Could you do me a big favor and check the mailbox every day? Way out there, somebody is liable to abscond with that check. That'd be my luck. I gotta get that funeral paid off!"
"T-Roy, that's what friends are for. I'd be happy to keep an eye out for that check for you."
The following day I eased up in front of old Sam Tolbert's house on the edge of town and sauntered up to the old wooden porch with a Route 44 Sonic Root Beer in hand. I settled onto the warped and worn old boards and kept my eyes peeled on the road. Thirty minutes later I saw a cloud of dust chasing a little white mail jeep...heading my way. A huge grin spread across my face as I gulped my root beer.
And that's how it started...

'Just Jacy'

Continued from last week's story 'Those Blue-eyed Cowgirls'...  

She sucked the last drop from the bottom of the cup, the straw making a noisy gurgling sound causing her to giggle out loud. She gave it one last suck for good measure, her blue eyes darting in my direction mischievously.
"All gone, sweetheart!" I said, grinning.
"Chocolate is such an amazing aphrodisiac. I love chocolate!"
"Aphrodisiac. That's a mighty big word for a blonde to be throwing around!"
Jacy Morrow beamed with faux pride, "You don't even know what the word means. It means..."
"I know what it means. Let me order you another chocolate milk shake."
We both laughed as a cute red headed car hop scooted up to the pickup on rollerskates.
"Will y'all be needing anything else? We're fixin' to close."
"Last chance for that milk shake!" I pointed a finger toward Jacy.
She shook her head at the waitress and smiled.
"Now, don't you agree that this is better than getting naked in a hot tub and getting drunk on cheap wine."
'Oh, definitely!" I replied and rolled my eyes.
Out of the three blue-eyed darlings that had vied for my attention at the rodeo earlier that evening, it had been Jacy that came across the finish line. I'd not regretted my choice for a second even though she had opted for a milk shake at the Sonic Drive-in over a romp in my hot tub. We had spent the better part of an hour slurping through our straws and getting to know each other. As the lights flickered out around us, I realized what I had suspected all along...I was extremely attracted to this woman. With a ten year age gap, I knew it was a long shot, but, I thought as I cranked up the pickup...she was sitting right there in my truck, right beside me like a high school cheerleader.
Her Ford Mustang was the only car left sitting in the rodeo grounds parking lot and I eased the truck up beside it.
"That was fun. I enjoyed the night with you." I spoke quietly, glancing at the girl beside me.
"It really was! You are a great guy. Maybe we can do it again sometime."
I cleared my throat, "So Jacy, want to go dancing with me next weekend?"
Her laughter startled me.
"Oh, no."
My ego crushed like a beer can, I asked, "Is it the age thing, Jacy?"
"Oh...no, not at all. Maybe someday I will go dancing with you."
"That's not a yes..."
"And it's not a no." She winked and darted toward her car.

(The following Friday)
I handed her my debit card to pay for the breath mints.
"Could I get twenty dollars back?"
My gaze focused on the countertop before me.
"So, I take it you're going dancing without me?"
"Yep. I'll just go dancing all my myself!"
She handed me the twenty and responded, "Walk me out to my car. It's going home time for me."
The two of us stepped out into the waning evening light, walking so close that we could feel the electricity radiating from the other's body. I glanced at the blonde and smiled.
She grinned and tossed her ponytail, "I am so sexually frustrated today."
I laughed, "I try not to get that way...all wound up and nowhere to go with it."
The blonde placed her elbows on the hood of my pickup, glancing downward to be sure she was displaying just enough cleavage then eyed me to see if I was noticing. I noticed just long enough to let her know I had, then gazed into what I considered the most beautiful blue eyes on planet Earth.
She ran her fingers through her ponytail, "I have a headache...and I really am sexually frustrated."
I replied, "Well...I don't have an aspirin...."
She stared deep into my eyes, "But you could help me out with the other?" She glanced back at her car, "I guess my back seat might do."
I grinned, "Back seat of my truck has more room."
Neither of us made a move.
"Well, if you have a weak moment and are tempted to fall for some woman at the bar this weekend, call me instead..ok?"
She brushed her fingertips ever so lightly across the top of my hand, sending a tingling sensation through my whole body, then turned and walked to her car.
"Careful going home," I called to her.
"You too." and she blew me a kiss as she shut her car door.
What I didn't know as I watched Jacy Marrow drive off into the sunset was that this was just the beginning of a beautiful...well, I don't believe a word exists for what we would come to be. It would take me some time, years, in fact, to figure out that Jacy...was just Jacy. I pulled the pickup out of the gravel parking lot and headed in the direction of the city. Hells bells, I had plenty of women just waiting to dance with me. I shook the thought of Jacy Morrow from my mind and turned the radio up loud. It would be the next morning before I found the text on my phone that read, 'Think of me when you dance with her...'

'Those Blue-eyed Cowgirls'

Continued from last week's story...  

I made my way into the rodeo grandstands, my Ariat boots thumping against the wooden planks of the walkway. As I scanned the bleachers, my heart beat kicked up a notch at the sight of all those pretty women who for just one night a year become full fledged cowgirls with their boots and hats and tight fitting jeans. There were wives and moms, school teachers and bank tellers, Sunday School teachers and beer drinkers scattered throughout the stands. Somewhere amongst the crowd, I was sure there would be a few single women keeping a sharp eye out for a cowboy or two. I strolled the length of the stands, my eyes continuing to scan the crowd as the rodeo announcer's voice boomed through the air.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the seventy-fifth annual rodeo! Let's all stand as our riders present the colors!"
I paused and placed my hat on my chest as what seemed like hundreds of horses and riders entered the arena. Old Glory and the Texas flag took center stage of the dusty arena as the Star Spangled Banner played. A prayer followed and with an 'amen' the announcer boomed,
"Let's rodeo!"
The grandstand roared as the first gate opened and a bucking bronc lurched into the arena, a helpless cowboy clinging to a rope across the horse's back. I shook my head as the poor boy hit the dirt. I spun on my heel as I felt a pinch against my ribs.
"Jacy! You made it!"
"Yes!" her blue eyes flashing a smile, "This is my Dad."
"Oh, I've seen you down at the co-op," I smiled as I shook the old man's hand, "I never knew you were Jacy's dad!"
The three of us talked through the bareback competition and the calf roping, me finally excusing myself with,
"I hate to think of wading into those restrooms, but..." I tipped my hat to the two and turned toward a very long line at the far end of the stands.
Jacy grinned and hollered, "Look us up later!"
As I stepped out of the men's' room after a ten-minute wait, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Vickie!"
"See, I made it. Do I look cowgirl enough for a rodeo?" Her blue eyes glistening in the fading sunlight.
I allowed my eyes to wander the length of her and replied, "Oh yeah, you look like a bona fide cowgirl to me!"
We got caught up in conversation through the barrel races and I even missed the Mutton Busting competition. Vickie finally excused herself with,
"Well, I really, really need to pee! Look me up later!"
I paused at the concession stand, my parched mouth yearning for a bottled water. My mind pondered the prospects of dating Jacy Marlow or even Vickie the waitress as I stood patiently in the long line. Both were promising, I admitted to myself. Lost in my thoughts, I inadvertently brushed against the woman standing in front of me. She turned around and smiled. My eyes widened. The woman from the courthouse! The ravishing, blue-eyed blonde who had read my mind this morning now stood face to face with me. And...well, to make a long story short, I missed the bull riding.
I climbed into my truck and started her up, sitting patiently while the mass of other pickups and horse trailers began fighting for a place in a long line of headlights and dust. A text came:
'Where are you?"
"Waiting for you in my truck."
"There are hundreds of trucks out here!"
'Mine's the only one with the left blinker flashing."
Moments later, the passenger door opened and I smiled as those blue eyes flashed in the darkness.
"Okay, I found you finally! What now Cowboy?"
A full moon illuminated the glimmering water of the pond as we sat on the tailgate of my truck.
"You ever been skinny dipping?" I smiled slyly as I glanced at those blue eyes next to me.
'Not since I was eighteen," she giggled, "What are you suggesting?"
"Well, it is a beautiful night for a swim."
"Ew, in this water with fish and ducks and snakes? No, thanks!"
I laughed, "Can't be scared all your life!"
"I'm more of a hot tub and wine girl these days."
My common sense told me not to say it...don't say it!
"Well, I have a hot tub and there's a bottle of wine in the fridge."
"Really?"
An uncomfortable moment of silence passed as I mentally kicked myself for saying it.
Her blue eyes lit up as a grin flashed across her face.
"You can't be scared all your life, Cowboy!"
As the truck pulled onto the highway, a text came in.
"My goodness, look at all these texts you have on your phone! Popular guy, huh?"
"Aw, it's the cowboy image. Every woman thinks they want a cowboy until they get one!"
I felt her hand slide into mine and a warm, fuzzy feeling flowed through my body. I glanced over at her and smiled.
"You sure have pretty blue eyes. I really like blue-eyed cowgirls!"
As we cruised down the highway beneath the light of the moon, another text came in...and another...and another...

'Rodeo Queens and Tight Fittin' Jeans'

 

 

Continued from last week's story 

Riding high on the euphoria of a finalized divorce just hours ago, I dribbled spit on my index finger and touched it to the iron. As I pressed my red Wrangler shirt, my mind lingered on the ravishingly beautiful blue eyed woman who had locked her gaze upon me in the courtroom earlier this very day. I exhaled a deep sigh at the prospect that I'd never see her again. Shrugging it off, I reached for my blue jeans and stretched them across the ironing board. Today was Friday and I was now a free man. A celebration of this great event was my goal tonight, and as I dressed and positioned my black cowboy just right on my head, I set my jaw in determination. It was now my duty as a free man to do what free men do...chase women. And the only place I knew to chase women was at the bar up in the city. As I steered my pickup down the dusty road, I decided I was hungry and perhaps a chicken fried steak would be the best way to kick off this celebration.
I stepped into the diner and seated myself at my usual booth. An attractive blue eyed waitress, probably in her mid-forties, named Vickie, scurried to my table with a sweet tea in hand.
"Let me guess...chicken fried steak."
"How'd you know, Vickie?"
"You never order anything else," she replied with a giggle, "You sure are prettied up. Going to the rodeo tonight?"
"Aw, I forgot about the rodeo! I was going dancing but..."
"No, you have to go to the rodeo. Might find yourself a cowgirl!"
She winked and grinned.
"Two questions. Are you a cowgirl and are you going to the rodeo?"
"Well, I can be and yes, just as soon as my shift ends at eight."
"Well, maybe we'll bump into each other at the rodeo!" I replied as I suddenly decided I just celebrate my new found singleness at the rodeo.
After polishing off an extra large chicken fry and leaving a five dollar tip on the table, I pulled out of the gravel parking lot of the diner and whipped into the next parking lot where the only convenience store in town stood. Breath mints were on my mind as the little bell jungled on the door as I entered, but my eyes were immediately drawn to a perfectly formed butt behind the counter. Jacy Marlow glanced over her shoulder as she carefully loaded a basket of burritos into the deep fryer. Turning around, her blue eyes met mine and a smile spread across her face.
"Hi, Cowboy! Rodeoing tonight?"
"Yep, I'm in the bull riding competition." I grinned and winked.
"Don't take this wrong but bull riding is for young cowboys."
"Well then, I'll just go chase cowgirls. My divorce became final today."
"Is that so?"
I detected a glimmer in her blue eyes. "Yes, and I need some breath mints, just in case. You going to the rodeo, Jacy?"
"Um-hum," she responded as she laid the mints on the counter. "I just need to wrap up some loose ends here and then dash home and change."
"Maybe our paths will cross there."
"Maybe..." those blue eyes locking onto mine, "I'm taking my daddy. He's too old to chase cowgirls but he sure likes to look."
I paid for the breath mints and glanced once more into those blue eyes, "Hope to see you there!"
"Watch for me! I'm wearing my neon pink blouse."
My euphoria had become raging giddiness as I pulled the pickup to a stop at the rodeo entrance. A young cowboy sauntered up to my window and smiled.
"Rodeoing all alone tonight?" he questioned as he took my money.
"I may drive through this gate all alone, but I don't intend to leave alone!" I shot back with a guffaw.
"You go, old cowboy! There's plenty of good looking cowgirls in there already. Good luck to you!"
I eased through the gate and slowly drove through the pasture that served as a parking lot to hundreds of pickup trucks and horse trailers. Dust hung in the air as I came to a stop. My eyes darted around and a huge grin spread across my face.
Rodeo queens and tight fittin' jeans everywhere. It was time to saddle up!

This story continues next week!

'D-Day The Divorce Hearing'

The judge slammed his gavel sharply and yelled, "I hereby sentence you to fifty years with no possibility of parole!"
I awoke with a start, my body wringing with sweat, staring into the darkness at the alarm clock. Today was D-Day...the day my divorce would become final...
I am and for the most part, have always been a law abiding citizen. However, a few years ago, I found myself fighting to keep myself out of jail. It's a story I will tell in depth someday, but a local justice of the peace determined that I had broken into my own house and was hell-bent to have me jailed for breaking and entering. The incident escalated to the point of my being detained at the Sheriff's Department, having my rights read to me, and after stepping over to close the door of the interrogation room, the sheriff placed his hand on my shoulder and said,
"Boy, go get you a lawyer. I don't know what you did to piss the JP off, but he intends to see to it you get jail time."
That's when I met my lawyer that I had hired to see me through this divorce at hand. He had made the 'breaking and entering' fiasco go away with one simple phone call to the JP, and when I tried to pay him, he waved his hand and said, "No charge." Wow, what a lawyer...get me off and for free! So it was a no brainer that I'd chose him for my divorce, which wasn't free, I might mention.
I arrived at the courthouse twenty minutes early and made my way to the third-floor hall just outside the courtroom where I would become a free man. I sat nervously in a chair in the narrow hallway for an hour or two...it was actually ten minutes...before my lawyer came up the stairs and wandered by me, peeking into the courtroom.
"Looking for me?"
He turned around and laughed, "You clean up pretty good...didn't recognize you! Wonder where the other party is?"
"Oh, my wife? Pretty sure she's not coming to the divorce hearing. Probably passed out drunk by now."
My lawyer glanced at his watch, "It's ten in the morning!"
"Yeah, that's why I'm here," I said nonchalantly.
I laughed nervously and shook his hand, then fiddled with my tie and buttoned my suit coat. We made our way into the empty courtroom and sat for another hour...ten minutes later...the bailiff entered, followed by a frumpy little lady. An attractive woman wearing a fine fitting blue dress, mid-forties, I guessed, came in carrying a laptop and sat at the far end of the judge's bench. The bailiff stepped out and closed the door, then fifteen seconds later, opened the door and announced,
"All rise!"
The judge, a god of our society, stepped in and took his place at his throne. He motioned for my lawyer and me to take our places. We stepped into the glaring imaginary spotlight before the judge and the lawyer muttered under his breath,
"Go take the stand."
I froze in the spotlight before the judge...take the what?
He rolled his eyes and said, "Go up there and sit in that chair by the judge."
I took my seat. The judge looked over at me and said, "Raise your right hand."
Ok, I thought, don't mess this up...righty-tighty, lefty-loosey...no that didn't help. Amazingly, my primal instinct kicked in and I raised the right hand. After saying, "I do," (that's what got me in this courtroom) my lawyer began shooting questions at me. "Is your name..." "Are you a legal resident..." and at least twenty more questions. He didn't warn me there would be a test. I answered to the best of my knowledge and apparently passed. The judge leafed through the documents before him.
My gaze focused on the attractive woman sitting on the other side of him, an angel of the god of society. Blonde hair, not one out of place...perfect complexion...the bluest eyes...our eyes met and as she stared into mine, hers became sad. It was as if I could read her mind. She had sat in this very chair at one time. She knew what I was going through and she felt sorry for me. I felt a sparkle light up in my eye...Give me a bottle of wine and an hour in the hot tub with her...oops, she read that. She blushed and looked down at her laptop.
The judge, eventually satisfied the paperwork was in order, declared me a free man. I watched intently as he rose from behind his bench, the blue-eyed angel obediently following him from the courtroom, her laptop tucked under her arm. I paused in the hallway and shook my lawyer's hand.
"See ya next time around!"
He gave me a puzzled looked and I laughed, "I'm sure I'll find something to get into that you can get me out of."
I skipped down the three flights of stairs pondering what I could do to get back into that courtroom. The woman with the laptop had captured my heart right there in the middle of my own divorce hearing.
I stepped out into the bright sunlight a free man. Walking down the sidewalk toward my pickup, I paused and glanced up toward the third story of the courthouse. There in the window stood the woman in the blue dress, her laptop still securely tucked beneath her arm.
'Looking at me?' I wondered as I climbed into my truck. Well, of course she was, I reasoned, glancing around. I certainly didn't see any other suddenly single men loitering around the courthouse square.
"Life...here I come and I'm looking for adventure!" I said out loud as I shot one more glance toward that third story window, "And her. I'm looking for her!"

 

 

'Into The Wind'

(Continued from last week's story)
"It's such a beautiful night! A perfect night for a bottle of wine and a hot tub!"
Folks, it just slipped out without thinking...
"I have a hot tub and I'm pretty sure there's a bottle of Boones Farm still in the fridge."
Her eyes met mine and I saw a look that I'd not seen in many years.
"Cool! Okay...I'm in!"
My mouth gaped open as I stood there in the dim light of the parking lot, a stupified look on my face.
"You'd seriously go home with me? You'd throw caution to the wind and take off with some man twenty years older than you in the middle of the night? You'd get in my hot tub? You know what hot tubs lead to?"
She giggled. Her hazel eyes seemed to dance in the neon light as she pursed her lips before replying.
"First off, I am not some easy pickup. But yes, I would totally go home with you. I would get naked and get in your hot tub and drink wine with you until the sun came up. As for anything else, I don't know. So, if you think sex is on the menu..."
She shrugged her shoulders and smiled, lowering her head as if she had embarrassed herself.
A million thoughts whirled through my mind. This wasn't what I came searching for tonight. Not some one night stand, a hook-up, a quickie, or a friend with benefits. Although, my male hormones raged out of control at the prospect of having this beautiful young woman in my hot tub, a healthy dose of common sense stood in my way. If I didn't follow through with this, I'd surely regret it the rest of my life. The seconds ticked by as we stood in silence, her gaze intently focused on my face as if she were trying to read my mind.
I cleared my throat and spoke, "Listen, sweetie, I am beyond flattered. I mean, this is like a historical moment...really. But I really was just joking about the hot tub."
Her eyes widened, "You don't really have a hot tub?"
"Yes, I have one and I have some wine, too. It's not really Boones Farm. Something someone gave me around Christmas...probably pretty good stuff, actually. But I never thought for a minute you'd really get in my hot tub."
I stared at the ground for a moment then leaned against the hood of the car next to her.
"I'm going to do you a big favor and walk over to my pickup and drive away. I have enjoyed this evening with you more than you will ever know. But you don't need to spend another minute with some old goat like me. You, my little friend, deserve a fine young lawyer or some up and coming doctor. A dashing young cowboy or a handsome, studly, preppy type...that's what's waiting for you. I'll not get in the way of that."
I smiled and winked at her. She laid her head against my shoulder and sighed.
"It was a good night. You are a good man, I can feel it and I sort of admire you for turning me down."
She fumbled in her purse for a pen and scratch paper.
"Call me when you want to dance again?"
I grinned as I slipped the phone number into my shirt pocket. Our eyes met and she took my arm and pulled me toward her, kissing me softly on the cheek.
"Thanks for the dances," I whispered and tipped the brim of my hat, turning on my heel and vanishing into the darkness.
As I drove through the night toward my humble little ranch house, my mind spun out of control. Regret it? I'm sure I would until my last breath. But I was on a mission, a mission to find the perfect woman, at least for me. Perfect as this girl seemed to be, she had her whole life ahead of her...kids, a house in the suburbs, a husband to cater to. Me, I already had the thoughts of retirement scurrying through my head. We were generations apart.
But this girl...this night had given me renewed hope. Perhaps I wasn't just some old, washed up wannabe Saturday night cowboy. Maybe, just maybe, I still had it in me. Perhaps there was some woman out there searching for a guy just like me. I'd chalk this night up as a great adventure, the first of many yet to come.
As the yellow stripes flashed by in the headlights of my pickup, I reached for the scratch paper in my pocket. Clenching it tightly between my fingers, I stared at the dainty handwriting in the glow of my dash lights. Rolling the window down, with a heavy heart I extended my arm into the wind...and let it go.