Sally Hanan's Blog, page 17
May 9, 2018
Do Not Query a Literary Agent Like This
Do Not Query a Literary Agent Like This
Inksnatcher
NB Do not query a lit agent like this.
Dear agent,
Use the right name and spell it the right way.
Avoid using fancy fonts and different colors throughout. Times New Roman black is good.
Seeing as you love middle-aged Shitzus called Matilde and losing your ATM card on Sinner’s Street, I’ve enclosed a proposal for my 250k word fictional novel called “Sticking It to the Agent,” a YA/NA/A/geriatrics diatribe love story that spans every genre in existence.
Do not give proof of your stalking. It’s creepy.
Most novels are about 80k words. You’re pretty much guaranteed instant rejection at anything over 110k.
Don’t say anything derogatory about agents. They work hard, and why should they rep you if you think so little of them?
Know your genres. Know which one your MS fits in.
While you may have read many books, you’ve never read anything of this caliber, and that’s because Agent X and Agent M of the SmartAss Literary Agency don’t recognize the amazingness of all 2,060 pages of this future bestseller. There’s nothing like this on the market, especially with the ten POVs I have of every brand/diversity you can think of.
Again, don’t diss agents.
Your MS may be good, but don’t be arrogant. It makes you look ugly. There are thousands of fantastic writers in the world of books.
It might not be a future best seller. It might be utter crap.
There might be nothing like it in the market for good reason.
Keep POVs to 2 or 3 unless you can pull if off in the way Leigh Bardugo does and make each voice strikingly different.
Don’t write in diverse characters you know nothing about purely to have diversity.
My book will appeal to readers of Hemingway, Rowling (that’s pronounced Rolling), Shakespeare, Tolstoy, Dahl, and Stephen King; it’s a guaranteed bestseller.
Again with the best seller? Sigh.
Don’t mansplain words.
Don’t compare your writing to literary greats unless you have the work to prove it. (Unlikely)
I’ve loved books since I was two years old, because I was a naturally egotistical, narcissistic, pompous ass even then when my mother read Agatha Christie to me every night. I’m now 18, and the future is bright—for me and your agency, should you have the honor of representing me for the next ten decades. (I eat well.)
The agent couldn’t give a crap isn’t interested your reading history, your mother, or your narcissism claims of greatness.
Don’t be an egotistical ass arrogant.
I won’t deign to put a short synopsis of my manuscript here. Besides, it’s copyrighted, and I’d hate you to steal even the idea of it. Please sign the attached contract if you are willing to meet my need for security around this.
Always follow submission requirement to a T. They ask for them this way so they can do their job and see if you’re any good at following directions.
Agents have no interest in stealing ideas. They have enough to do repping their talented, hardworking clients, and have no interest in catering to your paranoia.
All my friends all five of them love this book, and they’ve told me I have superb voice and give a lot of good information to my future readers.
No one gives a crap about cares what your friends and family think.
So do you hear me? You’d be crazy to pass on this tome. As Shylock, himself, said, “If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”
Don’t call lit agents crazy if they pass. They’re quite experienced in recognizing talent.
Don’t add in random quotes. The query should be focused on the manuscript and your short writing bio.
You have been warned.
Never, ever, ever threaten an agent. Duh. That’s an unwise move.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Phillipa Edwina Princeton III
www.thebestwriteryou’veneverheardof.com
May 5, 2018
How to Find Free Graphics
How to Find Free Graphics
Inksnatcher
High quality free graphics are hard to come by, but the longer I watch my husband work his photography business, the more I value his inherent copyrights. It’s difficult enough to make a living as an artist without having his work stolen day after day with no recourse.
So where do you find free photos and clip art?
Just because someone has posted a really great photo on his/her blog doesn’t mean it’s yours to copy — s/he might have copied it from someone else illegally. The same goes for images you might see on any social media site, although Pinterest is very good about linking photos straight back to the sites they originate from. For any image, you need to go to the source.
When I’m looking for free graphics, my first stop is to do a Bing or Google search for the name of the image I’m looking for and the words “public domain” after it. That will bring me to a few that might work.
Another option is the Graphics Fairy. She has been collecting vintage images since 2007, so she now has quite a collection to share, and you can search through her images here.
Some other good sources are Unsplash, Free Digital Photos, and Free Stock Photos (all of which ask you to credit or link back to their sites if you use a photo). This helps the photographer and graphic artist to at least brand his/her name, but it doesn’t help your SEO efforts. If you mouse over my featured image, you’ll notice the name of its creator.
I wanted some really clean, business type images for my home page and I wanted to tag my photos with my SEO keywords, so I splurged on credits at 123rf and I am really happy with the photos I ended up with. I don’t have to link back to anyone and I don’t have to pay royalties, thanks to the once-off payment.
All the best with your own search!
Sally
January 18, 2018
The Secret of Happiness
A MomentMy four nights of night shift were over. Sleep was very much enjoyed. And now I was alone in our flat in Dublin, Ireland, with the dulled sounds of the city suburbs moving around the walls protecting the tiny patch of grass, and my washing on the line, three floors down.
I leaned back into our ratty armchair while lax evening light napped in long squares on the carpet, and let silent tears fall. Truth had come at last.
I’d only wanted to be a nurse because I couldn’t think of anything else to do. An English and languages lover in high school, no career seemed to appeal. All I knew was that I didn’t want to sit in a classroom for another three years, and back in those days in Ireland, a young woman could get a nursing degree and a salary in three years by working and taking eight weeks of classes a year. Deal.
I took off after school to live a little first, settling into Andalusian life with a host family and learning the language as quickly as I could, while providing many laughs as I stumbled over similar words like pollo and polla. I chased boys, organized drinking parties, avoided anything that looked like responsibility, and came back to Ireland ripe as a cocoa bean and ready to be a great nurse.
Only I wasn’t. I couldn’t get my mind around the body parts and chemistry of drugs, couldn’t work quickly, couldn’t look busy doing nothing. The only thing I felt comfortable doing was talking to patients, listening, explaining, understanding. I can’t count how many people I forgot about on the commode, or the women I left stripped to the waist behind flimsy curtains. Or how late I started the observation round. Or how I froze when someone had a heart attack.
Fortunately, student nurses are just that—students, so someone was always ready to rush in and fix my inability to just get it already, do it right already. But it wasn’t just that. I felt completely inadequate as a being. I wasn’t good enough, clever enough, likable enough. I wasn’t enough at all.
And so there I sat in the twilight feeling sorry for myself when truth dropped into my heart almost as audibly as a living voice. Even if I sit here for the rest of my life, I’m still enough.
I knew it was the truth, because my thoughts never sounded like that. My thoughts always criticized. This voice was kind.
After that day, I wasn’t instantly twirled into a perfect woman, like Cinderella before the ball. But I was different, more settled in my skin, and dare I say it, happier. Knowing I was enough made me think about myself less. I was more able to focus on other people—hone in on what they wanted and needed rather than on the things I’d thought I needed to feel safe around them.
I got my degree, stuck it out for another few years, and then I heard that voice again. Almost audible. Completely unexpected. A name. My future husband’s name. We weren’t even dating, barely knew each other actually, and yet I knew. I knew this was the same voice that had told me I was enough, and now it was telling me this man would be enough for me. A tall order.
Wanting to stay home with my babies was a fabulous reason for never going back to nursing again. That was probably one of my greater gifts to humanity.
And then I heard the voice one more time. Louder than a thought. Out of nowhere. Thunk into my soul. We would move to another country, where we would be enough together.
We landed in Austin, Texas, with a three-year-old and a five-month-old, and integrated quickly into a new routine of life. Gone were the days of dropping into a neighbor’s house for tea unannounced. New was getting a driver’s license and having to drive to go anywhere. We grew together; made friends; bought homes; loved, laughed, and cried. Sometimes we shed so many tears that we missed seeing the happy flashes for what they were—sparklers in the yard of life, shooting hope into our dark moments and joy into our lighter ones.
And that voice . . .
Some would call it God, a guide, gut instinct. We don’t have to label everything supernatural we discover outside and inside ourselves. Some things just are. I like to think we are all created with a holding box that is opened by that voice, that presence, and once sprung open, we’re released into all we can be.
We cycled through many small business efforts while finding what made us feel fully alive, and we’ve found our finest happiness comes from moments when we can serve up our best from the fulness within—our special mix of heart and talent and hope. Our family has had so much to celebrate and look back on with joy. We have so much beauty to stop and see and touch in the present.
Yes, sitting in that old chair and hearing that voice say I was enough was one of my happiest moments, but in this season of my life, happiness holds new meaning. Happiness isn’t always about a moment in time I can never recapture. Sometimes it’s about a truth given in a moment that takes root and grows in ways that allow it to be recaptured day after day forever. An infinite truth.
The post The Secret of Happiness appeared first on Pick Your Life .
January 4, 2018
When the Name of Jesus Isn’t So Powerful
Why is the name of Jesus so powerful? Sometimes it isn’t …
Take the seven sons of Sceva (Acts 19) – What went down was that Sceva’s sons thought they could yell Jesus’s name at some demons in a guy and they’d instantly flee–maybe into some pigs, or at least down the road. Not so. What they did was like name-dropping at a Hollywood party.
Oh yeah, I was at dinner with “insert superstar* last week and he thought my idea was fabulous. So sit up and pay attention to me because *superstar* spoke to me. That means you should too, and you should also take my ideas very seriously.
Pretty much everyone knows that dinner was probably for 500 people and you met him in the bathroom and he said uhuh to your idea while you interrupted him as he washed his hands. Inside, they’re laughing at you. Kind of like the demons Sceva’s sons were yelling at. They said something along the lines of, We recognize the name of Jesus; boy howdy, do we; but who are you, you spiritually lame, weak, name-droppers?
You can’t name drop Jesus.
You have to know him personally. You have to be fully one with him and have daily conversations, so that when you do pray and use his name (so that light will fill the places darkness used to inhabit), evil knows it has no other choice but to leave—because it can’t stand its ground against the aligned power team of you and Jesus.
Again, it’s not the name, in itself, that carries the weight; it’s the relationship you have with Jesus—the one you’re centered and fully alive in. Just as your life source is your blood, your source of strength is the One in you. And that’s what you walk around as—marked by the superpower oneness you have with the name above all names: Jesus.
The post appeared first on Pick Your Life .
December 28, 2017
Want to Be Better?
So many women make their lives about self-improvement, posting about how they should be — they should be thinner, kinder, better mothers, better wives, better housekeepers, better earners.
Listen to me.
Right now, in this moment, you’re enough.
You really are. Even if you’re fat or mean or selfish or lazy or have a miserable, low-end job, you’re still enough. You are a woman of value. You are here because your presence in this world matters.
And perhaps you can’t see why you matter all too clearly right now, but a year from now, ten years from now, your understanding will have grown. And you won’t let your current perceptions of value cloud that ever again.
The post Want to Be Better? appeared first on Pick Your Life .
December 27, 2017
Self-Publishing Checklist
Self-Publishing Checklist
Inksnatcher
Self-Publishing ChecklistI’ve always found checklists handy, and this one is no exception. If you think I’ve left something out, let me know so I can add it. Feel free to print this and share.
Most important
(and do this before you pay anyone to do any work on your book or you’ll waste a lot of money)
Finish book and promise to change nothing.
Finalize title and subtitle.
To get interior ready
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Editing – round #1: review all edits; round #2 for punctuation
Bio – long (100 words)
Head shot – 300 dpi
Typesetting
Cover
Choose cover photo or art
Jacket copy – goes on the back cover to hook people into buying the book
Bio – short (50 words)
ISBN x 2 and barcode
An imprint logo for the back and spine if you buy your own ISBNs
Endorsements x at least 2
Printing
CreateSpace account
Final check
Digital check online
Order proof copies
Final proof – can be done by nitpicky friends
eBook
Kindle and Smashwords typesetting
Amazon KDP account
Smashwords account
Sales
Book blurb/description for Amazon sales page
Amazon author page
Friends ready to write reviews on Amazon
Choose launch date
Set up book for preorders
Set up preorder campaign
Set up book signing potluck within your local community
Bulk orders
Bulk order for conferences at least 3 weeks in advance and mail straight to event center
December 20, 2017
Thoughts on Acceptance
Behind the FaceI think one of our biggest mistakes with our Christianity is that we’ve put a face on it and then tried to live up to the face when it was always meant to be a heart thing.
Normal
We’re each just as real and great and dumb and stupid as everyone else at times. Our weight, noses, social awkwardness, dress sense, and topical stupidity is just as bad as millions of other people’s. And that’s okay.
Welcome to normal. It might feel like you’re falling further if you accept this, but really you’re leveling up.
Acceptance
People who talk about inclusion and championing rights–they talk a lot about your acceptance of them, but seem tone deaf or mute when it comes to their acceptance of you. — Overheard
The post Thoughts on Acceptance appeared first on Pick Your Life .
December 13, 2017
Offended
I’m offended that you’re (full in the blank)
Upset with me
Correcting me
Avoiding me
Unfriending me
Publicly correcting me
Laughing at me
Therefore every time I see you, hear mention of your name, or see a post by you, I will shake my head and sigh because I just don’t like you all that much anymore.
Basically I’m turning off the connection/friendship/relationship so you can’t trigger my feelings of not being good enough so I don’t have to deal with them.
The post Offended appeared first on Pick Your Life .
December 6, 2017
Fairytale Christmas: The Fair Folk Saga, Book 1 Audiobook
My virgin voyage in the narration business with the wonderful Merrie Destefano is available through Amazon and Audible. Click through to hear an audio sample. This is what happens when you’ve heard you’d be good at something for years and you finally do it.
I used Audacity to record it in my home office, with the door closed and the dog banned. It was easy enough to get the hang of, but the post production part took a while, and I ended up having to re-record each chapter three times. All part of learning something new.
The novella is about two hours of listening time, and it’s about a fairie queen of Ireland, mortals, immortals, curses, blessings, and lots of magic.
The post Fairytale Christmas: The Fair Folk Saga, Book 1 Audiobook appeared first on Pick Your Life .
August 24, 2017
Query That Baby
I entered a competition a few weeks back in which 147 people would end up with published mentors who would then refine their novels for two months to get them ready for agents.Although I didn’t get in out of the 2,600 entries, two of the six mentors I submitted to loved it, and one said,
“You were really close. You have something special. Query that baby.”
So that’s what I’m going to keep doing, although I have a little bit of tweaking to do after some genius-driven advice from another writer.
Thanks again to all of you who read it for me and gave helpful feedback. I’m looking forward to the day when I can send you all published copies.
