Beth Labonte's Blog, page 6
February 7, 2013
When life gets you down...
Just be glad you're not this woman:
You're feeling pretty good about yourself now, right? You're welcome.
You're feeling pretty good about yourself now, right? You're welcome.
February 4, 2013
January 29, 2013
January 19, 2013
What Did I Expect?
I know that when you eat at Burger King you shouldn't expect too much. That not only goes for the food, but also for the toys you get with the kid's meal. Usually your kid plays with it a few times, and then you sneak it into the trash while they're sleeping. But this one really bugged me.
Here it is....a Connect 4 game! It came in such a big box that it didn't even fit inside the kid's meal box, making it even more exciting. In the corner it even says "Family Game Night." Oh boy! Good thing it's a Saturday....
The back even makes it look like a normal game of Connect 4. Note the arrows making it look like you have to drop the pieces down into the slots.
Aaaaand, here's what it really looks like:
You have to actually stick each circle into each crappy plastic slot. There is no drop down action. Isn't the whole point of Connect 4 that you drop your piece down from the top and into the next available slot? There isn't a single kid who's going to play this after they open the box and discover how much it sucks. The back of the box also mentions that Twister is a trademark of Hasbro...I'm guessing Twister is another game they're giving out. I can only imagine. It's probably one square foot with one green circle on it.
Here it is....a Connect 4 game! It came in such a big box that it didn't even fit inside the kid's meal box, making it even more exciting. In the corner it even says "Family Game Night." Oh boy! Good thing it's a Saturday....
The back even makes it look like a normal game of Connect 4. Note the arrows making it look like you have to drop the pieces down into the slots.
Aaaaand, here's what it really looks like:
You have to actually stick each circle into each crappy plastic slot. There is no drop down action. Isn't the whole point of Connect 4 that you drop your piece down from the top and into the next available slot? There isn't a single kid who's going to play this after they open the box and discover how much it sucks. The back of the box also mentions that Twister is a trademark of Hasbro...I'm guessing Twister is another game they're giving out. I can only imagine. It's probably one square foot with one green circle on it.
January 18, 2013
Kid's Fun Fair 2013
One of my most favorite things to make fun of is this free ticket to the Kid's Fun Fair that shows up at work every year. Last year's ticket boasted of "Nuclear Thrills!" This year's line-up isn't quite as impressive, but I am still intrigued by this "Real Monkey Farm." Are the monkeys, like, the laborers? Are they milking cows and dragging plows and stuff? I know we're in Worcester here, but is that legal? Or are the monkeys being farmed? Which, I believe (and I'm no lawyer) would be just as bad. Whatever the case, if you find yourself in Worcester on February 2nd or 3rd and are in the mood to see a 100 lb rat, just swing by the first floor ladies room at City Hall stop by the Kid's Fun Fair at the DCU.
January 7, 2013
Here's to a brand new year of atrocious BK signs
The Burger King crew is at it again. The other day the sign read "Try Wisconsin Chedder Whopper," with "cheddar" obviously spelled quite poorly. Well, it seems that somebody must have walked into BK and said "Hey, you guys realize 'cheddar' is spelled with an 'A' right?" And so, a well-meaning BK employee got the old ladder out, climbed up amongst the power lines, and did this:
December 12, 2012
Twas the Week Before Christmas
Twas the week before Christmas, in cubicle-land
Not a worker was working, you must understand.
The bosses left early for holiday drinks,
Their winter equivalent of hitting the links.
Employees were nestled all snug in their cubes,
Sipping hot chocolate and watching YouTube.
Productivity reached an insurmountable hump,
As they turned off their brains for a post-lunchtime slump.
When from Larry’s office there arose such a clatter,
I took my time getting up to see what was the matter.
Fairly sure it had zero importance to me,
I casually strolled over, just to see.
The sun streaming in through the vertical blinds,
Lit up a great horror of the holiday kind.
When what to my eyes should appear so bizarre?
A Secret Santa gift to Larry, from Marge in HR.
With ceramic white fur and a Santa Claus hat,
I knew in a moment it was a cookie jar cat.
Poor Larry hadn’t words for the gift he’d received,
So he coughed and he snickered, and he passed it to Steve.
“Now listen! Now look! Now hear my admission!
I sank twenty bucks into this stupid tradition!
A gift card to Starbucks is what I bought Nathan,
And all that I get is this Goodwill donation?”
And then, in a twinkling that seemed quite a pity,
Steve let out a sneeze, and down fell the kitty.
It crashed to the floor and it smashed all around,
And then through the doorway came Marge with a bound.
She was dressed all in red, from her shoes to her hair,
Her sweater emblazoned with holiday flair.
She’d been headed out back for her afternoon smoke,
When she followed the laughter from some sort of joke.
Her eyes - how they widened at the sight of her gift,
Her cheeks were likes roses, her nostrils they sniffed.
From her droll little mouth erupted a roar,
The cigarettes dropped from her hand to the floor.
Her skin was of leather, like a burnt up old elf,
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know that she wished I was dead.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
Salvaging cat pieces, then she turned with a jerk.
“I thought you would like it, not tear it apart!
These jars are exclusive to only Walmart!”
Larry sprang from his desk, his spirit renewed,
Apologized to Marge, and vowed to have it re-glued.
“It was a beautiful gift, full of character and style!
Now please do not mess with my personal file.”
They made their amends and I made my retreat,
To find my own Secret Santa gift left on my seat.
I exclaimed to myself and threw the card in the trash,
“Happy Christmas to me, it’s twenty bucks cash!”
Not a worker was working, you must understand.
The bosses left early for holiday drinks,
Their winter equivalent of hitting the links.
Employees were nestled all snug in their cubes,
Sipping hot chocolate and watching YouTube.
Productivity reached an insurmountable hump,
As they turned off their brains for a post-lunchtime slump.
When from Larry’s office there arose such a clatter,
I took my time getting up to see what was the matter.
Fairly sure it had zero importance to me,
I casually strolled over, just to see.
The sun streaming in through the vertical blinds,
Lit up a great horror of the holiday kind.
When what to my eyes should appear so bizarre?
A Secret Santa gift to Larry, from Marge in HR.
With ceramic white fur and a Santa Claus hat,
I knew in a moment it was a cookie jar cat.
Poor Larry hadn’t words for the gift he’d received,
So he coughed and he snickered, and he passed it to Steve.
“Now listen! Now look! Now hear my admission!
I sank twenty bucks into this stupid tradition!
A gift card to Starbucks is what I bought Nathan,
And all that I get is this Goodwill donation?”
And then, in a twinkling that seemed quite a pity,
Steve let out a sneeze, and down fell the kitty.
It crashed to the floor and it smashed all around,
And then through the doorway came Marge with a bound.
She was dressed all in red, from her shoes to her hair,
Her sweater emblazoned with holiday flair.
She’d been headed out back for her afternoon smoke,
When she followed the laughter from some sort of joke.
Her eyes - how they widened at the sight of her gift,
Her cheeks were likes roses, her nostrils they sniffed.
From her droll little mouth erupted a roar,
The cigarettes dropped from her hand to the floor.
Her skin was of leather, like a burnt up old elf,
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know that she wished I was dead.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
Salvaging cat pieces, then she turned with a jerk.
“I thought you would like it, not tear it apart!
These jars are exclusive to only Walmart!”
Larry sprang from his desk, his spirit renewed,
Apologized to Marge, and vowed to have it re-glued.
“It was a beautiful gift, full of character and style!
Now please do not mess with my personal file.”
They made their amends and I made my retreat,
To find my own Secret Santa gift left on my seat.
I exclaimed to myself and threw the card in the trash,
“Happy Christmas to me, it’s twenty bucks cash!”
December 4, 2012
Customer Service 101
Oh, there you are. I’m glad you’re out of your meeting. I had a call come in from a new client! Yes, that one. You’ve been chasing him for over a year now, haven’t you? Well, congratulations! They’ve got a new project starting up and they want us to handle it. I know, it’s unbelievable. So I told him that you were in a meeting and would call him back as soon as possible since we adhere to a “two hour rule.” That’s what you told us about in our customer service training seminar last week. I also thanked him for his patience and assured him that we appreciate his business. Then I told him that you might possibly be a serial killer. I even made sure there was a smile in my voice.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Oh, crap! I forgot to take down his number. I am so sorry. I assumed you already had it, and in between explaining that after work you like to park outside your ex-wife’s house with binoculars and a box of Chinese takeout, I didn’t think to jot it down again just in case. It must be on your desk somewhere though. I’ll help you look for it.
You seem mad. Stressful meeting?
Well you’ll be happy to know that I also asked him if he had any plans for the holidays, just like you taught us during our training seminar last week. “Get to know the clients and make them feel special,” that’s what you said. He told me that he'll be visiting his sister and her kids in San Diego. I told him that you usually spend Christmas Day strung out on bath salts, picking up and dismembering hitchhikers along the interstate.
We should probably add him to our Christmas card list, don’t you think?
Oh, one more thing. He said that after three o’clock you should call him on his cell - ah, geez. I did it again. I forgot to write down his cell number. You know what though? I did get his email address. Just like you requested we do at our customer service training seminar. I told him that if you were unable to return his phone call for any reason, that you would at least send an email as soon as you finished sending photos of yourself to those underage women on Craig's List.
Are you crying? Cheer up! We scored a new client! And if we hadn’t had all that customer service training last week, I may have just put him through to voicemail.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Oh, crap! I forgot to take down his number. I am so sorry. I assumed you already had it, and in between explaining that after work you like to park outside your ex-wife’s house with binoculars and a box of Chinese takeout, I didn’t think to jot it down again just in case. It must be on your desk somewhere though. I’ll help you look for it.
You seem mad. Stressful meeting?
Well you’ll be happy to know that I also asked him if he had any plans for the holidays, just like you taught us during our training seminar last week. “Get to know the clients and make them feel special,” that’s what you said. He told me that he'll be visiting his sister and her kids in San Diego. I told him that you usually spend Christmas Day strung out on bath salts, picking up and dismembering hitchhikers along the interstate.
We should probably add him to our Christmas card list, don’t you think?
Oh, one more thing. He said that after three o’clock you should call him on his cell - ah, geez. I did it again. I forgot to write down his cell number. You know what though? I did get his email address. Just like you requested we do at our customer service training seminar. I told him that if you were unable to return his phone call for any reason, that you would at least send an email as soon as you finished sending photos of yourself to those underage women on Craig's List.
Are you crying? Cheer up! We scored a new client! And if we hadn’t had all that customer service training last week, I may have just put him through to voicemail.
October 4, 2012
Oh For God's Sake
This is almost as bad as the huge "Comming Soon!" sign I saw outside a shopping plaza last week.
September 26, 2012
Free Caffeine
Look, free coffee this week! So when you go through the drive-thru, do you just blow past the first window where you would normally pay? Or do you stop, wait for the cashier to acknowledge that you're a cheap s.o.b., and then pull up? Maybe it's safer to just go inside.
