Benjamin Sobieck's Blog, page 33

Video: Brainerd Cash Call

Whenever I get a little blue, I think of this classic Cash Call from Brainerd, Minnesota. Listen to the whole thing. It's worth it.

99 Cents All This Month - Cleansing Eden Crime Thriller

All this month, you can get the Kindle version of my crime thriller novel, Cleansing Eden: The Celebrity Murders, for less than $1 at Amazon.com.

OK, that's a little misleading. It's 99 cents. I don't see that as being necessarily less than $1, do you? It's a dollar, people. Really, what is a penny worth? Close your eyes, take two breaths and check your bank account. Someone probably just paid you a copper to do that. Sure makes for some good marketing lingo, though.

Anyway, it's a whole novel for 99 cents for September.

Click here to get Cleansing Eden: The Celebrity Murders for 99 cents.

IJ Parker Featured in Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine

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IJ Parker, one of my virtual crime author friends, appears in the November 2012 issue of the Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine. Confessions features her historical Japanese detective, Akitada, the protagonist in her novels.

This is, as Joe Biden would say, a "big f$#%ing deal." AHMM, along with Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, is at the very top of the crime fiction magazine heap. Only the best crime writers appear in its pages. I'll be lucky if I'm ever considered in my lifetime. IJ's been at it much longer than me, and even she had to wait a year to hear back on her query.

It's the real deal, people.

I got a heads up from IJ about the issue over on CrimeSpace. But it was still a thrill to pick up the issue at Barnes & Noble.

Congratulations, IJ!

P.S. The issue is on stands through Oct. 2, so don't wait to get yours.

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How I Wound Up Selling Beer at a Minor League Baseball Game

My better half and I did something unusual last night. We went to a St. Paul Saints minor league baseball game. This led to another odd occurance: Me shouting one-liners at the crowd in hopes they'd buy beer from me.

Our luck is like that. We got what we deserved for not staying in with the newspaper and Netflix.

The Wind-Up

The perfect storm of reasons to go to this game had descended on the day like so many foul balls into the much-loathed, tragically positioned "healthy food" stand. It was the third-to-last game of an unforgettably forgettable season. It was Labor Day Weekend, the last stand for summer vacations. Most of the semi-comatose corn doggers were at the Minnesota State Fair. This is what it takes to put this crowd-averse couple into baseball bleachers.

For those not in the know, the Saints are notoriously tongue-in-cheek. The first inning featured a skit by two real pigs nicknamed Kim Lardashian and Kris Hamphries. Another break had "an actual Japanese guy" absolutely slaughtering Blondie's Call Me over terrible karoke tunage. The music only got nominally better with two kids singing Garth Brooks's Friends in Low Places. The catch? The words were substituted to promote the Doritos Loco Taco ("I've got a taco that's actually a Dorito/With the lettuce, cheese and sour cream\They're open late\So I'll be OK").

So when this lady vaguely resembling Flo from those annoying Progressive commericials walked over, I figured she was just there to pump the crowd up. There are all kinds of characters walking around. (My favorite: Gert the Flirt, who channeled the most cringe-inducing moments of Golden Girls into a three-hour butt-slapping session.)

Flo (I never did get her name) wanted to know if I wanted a $25 gift certificate to Old Chicago. I said, "Sure, why not?" before I could think that there must be a catch.

Oh, and there is a catch.

You see, Flo had already asked that same question to someone else. That person happened to be the loudest, drunkest, biggest-cowboy-hat-wearing guy in the entire place. Goes by the name Larry (of course!). And he was in a group wearing matching T-shirts. All the 'tude of a loner cowboy, but with the infallible echo chamber of a support system.

Flo explained that in order to get my $25 gift card, I needed to sell more beers than Larry. We'd each be paired with a vendor and be issued Old Chicago shirts. (The latter was an advantage on the psychological front. Better to wean mentally him from his herd.)

The odds were stacked against me. Larry had a row of guaranteed sales versus my one (sorry, better half, but these things are 5 bucks). He also clearly knew something about beer transactions. I haven't had a drink in years. I also didn't have a cowboy hat.

But I did have one trick up my sleeve. I write crime humor and I'm not scared of public speaking. If that's ever going to be worth something, it needed to be right now. We're talking a $25 gift card here. Shit just got real.

Let the games begin.

The Pitch

We had one inning to get the job done. I channeled my inner Wally the Beer Man (a bona fide Minnesota celebrity...probably the only one not currently in political office), shook hands with Larry and went to work.

Shiste, you wouldn't think it'd be this hard to sell beer. No, wait, I mean you wouldn't think it'd be this hard to be the vendor who got paired up with me. Because I slapped the sales sizzle into that crowd like no one's business. The steak could hardly keep up.

It helps to throw a bunch of one-liners into the mix like a cracked out carnival barker.

Some real-world examples...

* General audience: "Two-for-one beers when you buy two." - "Free shipping for all beer sold here." -  "Cold beer here. Warm beer, too, if you let it sit." - "Cold beer here. Guaranteed colder than the one in your hand. Spit that stuff out and get a new one." - "A-dult beverages here. Two-dult if both hands are free." - "Last beer of the season here. Or second-to-last. Or 12th."

 

* Ladies: "I'm sorry, but I need to check your ID." Then, after they show the ID, say, "Sorry, I can't sell to someone with a fake ID. There's no way you were born in 1975."

* If I was selling near Larry: "Don't buy from that guy. He has a cowboy hat. He's weird." - "That guy's only selling the warm stuff. His ice isn't as cold."

* If they already have a bottle: "Why not try beer in a can?"

* Married people: "Buy a beer for charity. I need to take my wife out to dinner. You know what that's worth. You're making a real difference with your donation."

* Kids: "Are you 21? No? Ask your mom if she is, I can't tell."

* When I got over to my wife's section: "Free beer and a sober ride home on the house, who wants in? I'll just pick someone at random. You, ma'am. Let me buy you a drink. And I'd be happy to give you a safe ride home."

* Once our inning was almost up: "I need to sell all these beers. Time is running out. Your beer is getting warmer. Lets solve both our problems." - "You've listened to me shout like a maniac for the entire inning. If that doesn't make you wanna drink, I don't know what will."

Repeat, reword, repeat.

Some folks (mostly women) were warm to my approach. One lady was from St. Cloud, so I went on and on about what a great place it is. Boom, instant sale. That ID thing worked like magic, too.

Others weren't as open to Ben the Beer Man. One guy told me to "keep going," which I took as encouragement until I saw his hand waving me off. He also had his money rolled and tucked between his temples and baseball hat. Freak.

The Strikeout

In the end, my hoarse barking wasn't enough. Larry won by three beers. Damn. At least I grabbed Flo's attention. She said I was, "Quick on my feet," and that she liked my delivery. Given she's a regular at the stadium, I'll take that as the highest of carny compliments.

Larry turned out to be a good guy. He also turned out alive, which was surprising considering the beers-consumed versus bleachers-walked ratio. Some would question where most of his stock went, but I wasn't going to push it. Not for a $25 Old Chicago gift card. Maybe for $30.

The Save

A few innings later, Larry sauntered over to our seats and handed me the gift card. I told him he won it fair and square, but he wouldn't listen. Said it'd make him happy to send us to dinner. Besides, Larry wasn't planning on using it because (and this is verbatim), "When the fuck am I ever going to go to Old Chicago?"

Proof that there are still good times and good people to be had in minor league Minnesota baseball.

 

Murder at a North Dakota Man Camp

I'm about a third of the way through writing novel number 2. That's a little inaccurate time-wise, since writing and editing are two different things. But this first draft is rolling along anyway.

One of the reasons I'm not running into writer's block is the subject matter. It's a crime thriller set in the present day oil boom of North Dakota. There's plenty of first-hand research to draw from, as well as scores of news articles.

Other than the oil itself (North Dakota is now second only to Texas in oil production), the "Man Camps" are a hot issue. The huge influx of oil workers around 2008 resulted in a severe housing shortage. As a result, oil companies quickly organized Man Camps. These can range from proper dormitories and apartments on down to trailers and campers. No matter the type, they're assembled as quickly as possible.

These camps aren't without controversy. North Dakota officials, overwhelmed by the population explosion, have concerns about security and the demand for services. Some local governments even took measures to discourage workers and camps in their areas.

On the other hand, North Dakota sure enjoys the money workers dig out of the ground. It boasts the lowest unemployment rate and fastest job growth in the United States. A failed proposal last fall would've done away with property taxes.

After a trip to Minot, near the epicenter of the boom, I knew this was the perfect setting for a crime novel. The workers run the gamut from regular Joes supporting families to the roughest guys you'll ever meet. They all have lots of money and not much to do with it in town. Throw in some anxious locals, a major flood, mountains of cash and people from all over North America mixing it up in Man Camps, and you've got the start of a great crime story.

Reality seems to think so, too. Murder charges have been leveled against a man for a series of alleged incidents near a Man Camp in Tioga. He's also being charged with making terroristic threats. A judge set a $1 million bail.

I'll be watching the proceedings carefully. North Dakota locals are already leery of the Man Camps. There's a lot of money on the line. This is sure to be interesting.

Working on Novel Number 2

The second novel is coming along nicely. This one has a more "rural noir" feeling and is set in the oil patch of North Dakota. I may post the opening chapters as a short story. That's how the whole thing got started, as a short story.

Anyway, that's all. Just a quick update. Nothing fancy. Take it from here, house band.

Will You Help CrimeSpace?

Most author/reader forums blow. It's just a fact. The parts of the forum that aren't spammed to death by authors contain little conversation and even fewer members.

Which is why CrimeSpace is such a gem. It bills itself as a place for writers and readers of crime fiction to connect, and actually comes through on the promise. I'm on it almost every day, catching up with the regulars and talking crime fiction shop.

Some times we discuss the latest publishing industry news. Other times we pick our favorite classic detectives or review the latest. It's never boring, and full of interesting people. In fact, most of my to-read pile comes directly from CrimeSpace. I've either talked with the author on a thread or seen something mentioned. It also has an excellent spam policy that weeds out touch-and-go members.

The rest of the crime fiction world feels the same way. It won a Spinetingler Magazine Award (these are a big deal) for service to the crime community a few years back.

I mention all this with the hope you'll do two things:

1) Become a member of the site. It's free.

2) Pitch in a couple bucks to keep the site going. CrimeSpace uses premium software that requires an annual fee. Most of this is covered through ads and the generosity of the site's founder, Daniel Hatadi. The rest depends on donations from members. You can read a message from him here. I put my money where my mouth is and chipped into the pot. It's easy and handled through PayPal, so it's not scammy.

Either way, I encourage you to check out the site. It's really an oasis in a world of desert forums. Click here to go to CrimeSpace.

Thank You for Supporting the Crime Fiction Bundle

THANK YOU to everyone who supported the Groupees crime fiction bundle. It brought in almost $700, a good chunk of which will benefit the National Kidney Foundation Inc.

I think I speak for Vincent Zandri, Laura Roberts, Black Heart Magazine, Fiona Johnson, Dana King and others when I say that it was a privilege to be part of something so unique and innovative.

Just HOURS Left to Grab Cool Crime Fiction Bundle

 

You only have hours left! At 11:59 p.m. Pacific on July 30, one of the coolest crime fiction book deals is going away.

Click here right now to head to Groupees.com and name your own price for e-books from 27 stellar crime authors. You'll find great e-books from yours truly, Vincent Zandri, Black Heart Magazine, Fiona Johnson/McDroll, Dana King and more.

Here's the really cool part. We're donating 20 percent of sales to the National Kidney Foundation. Plus, top buyers get autographed copies of Cleansing Eden: The Celebrity Murders. One lucky duck will even win a handmade print copy of Wild Bill by Dana King.

Don't wait! Click here to name your price for great crime fiction reads.

A Stellar Review of Cleansing Eden: The Celebrity Murders

I always like when a reviewer "gets" my crime thriller novel, Cleansing Eden: The Celebrity Murders. Not that readers have a hard time understanding the plot, but there are elements underneath that require some digging. And when a reviewer nails them, it makes me smile.

Click here for the latest Cleansing Eden review. Good way to start a Monday.