Gillian Polack's Blog, page 26
July 21, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-21T20:07:00
I'm sorting out chapters five and six. I keep telling myself and I'm doing it and I'm surprised that it's happening. I might be caught up by the end of next week, if I've written all these chapters well enough. If I haven't done them to my usual standard, then there'll be more rewriting than usual but, if I can finish these chapters and the final one by the end of next week, there should be time. I also want to do the bibliography next week, mind you. I'm determined that the eye isn't going to slow me down, basically. It's not easy working through it (because the vision still changes and because the virus isn't past) but I'm at a good stage in the thinking and I really, really don't like it when life gets the better of me. So it's not going to.
There really isn't any other news right now. A friend helped me with the housework that was too heavy (would have made my eye bleed again - it doesn't like anything that puts pressure on it) and I'm doing the rest gently and not agonising over things. The same friend is watching out for visibility garments of the sort several people have suggested (thank you for the suggestions!) so that I can get a bit more mobility in the early evenings. In the meantime, being home every evening gives me the chance to stagger my work, so that my eyes can get heaps of rest.
My eye isn't improving, but my ability to cope with it is. That's the big thing. And the rest of me is fine this time, so I can get everything done and meet my deadlines and even gloat a little.
And in other news there is none. There will be soon, though, for the Beast will be available in the US and Australia. Officially available, not just through Book Depository. it's my first book actually obtainable in UK bookshops, too. So many firsts this year.
And in other news, someone called me intelligent yesterday. I refrained from laughing. People only call me intelligent on days when i feel stupid, you see.
There really isn't any other news right now. A friend helped me with the housework that was too heavy (would have made my eye bleed again - it doesn't like anything that puts pressure on it) and I'm doing the rest gently and not agonising over things. The same friend is watching out for visibility garments of the sort several people have suggested (thank you for the suggestions!) so that I can get a bit more mobility in the early evenings. In the meantime, being home every evening gives me the chance to stagger my work, so that my eyes can get heaps of rest.
My eye isn't improving, but my ability to cope with it is. That's the big thing. And the rest of me is fine this time, so I can get everything done and meet my deadlines and even gloat a little.
And in other news there is none. There will be soon, though, for the Beast will be available in the US and Australia. Officially available, not just through Book Depository. it's my first book actually obtainable in UK bookshops, too. So many firsts this year.
And in other news, someone called me intelligent yesterday. I refrained from laughing. People only call me intelligent on days when i feel stupid, you see.
July 19, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-20T14:07:00
ETA: I'm putting this at the top of the post, because it changes everything. When I stopped to think, I realised that I was terrified of walking around at night with no vision in one eye. I rang the person in charge of the course admin and we talked about it. He was wonderful. I'm now teaching my history for writers course starting October rather than this Thursday. I do not have to go out alone by bus at night at all this winter. This makes *such* a big difference to my emotional well-being. I'm only going to get a social life if friends give me lifts, for I've learned my lesson about my fear of Canberra drivers and going out after dark. I'll be safe, though, which was a worry. Even in Sydney on the way back to the bus, I needed G's help to not get run over because the rain affected visibility. And my post after here is me whingeing, for it's the original post I wrote before I realised why I was so worried.
I'm annoying people today, I'm afraid. I really don't feel happy with life. I'm tired of hurting and tired of my eye (which itches - and there's absolutely no reason for it itching, since the blood is inside the eye) and there are things I want to do and can't (like put the rubbish out or wash the dishes) and I really want to work and have to pace it. Altogether, I'm being grumpy and invalidish and people who are grumpy and non-invalidish are getting a taste of my grump. If a friend got to the festival in Sydney over the weekend and got to spend time with a bunch of our mutual friends, then they will get me grumping at them when they complain about the cold.
Part of this is because my 6 week virus is now a 7 week one (and I have a friend who has had it for 3 months) and because I can't find out about teaching for Thursday and I need to, for I have to start prep today to get it done in time for course handouts to be ready, given the eye. I'm also seriously worried about getting home safely after anything in the evening for a few weeks. I didn't realise how worried I was, to be honest. I'll be much better when I know whether or not I am teaching, for then I can make plans to deal. It's the limbo that's the problem.
I woke up this morning with more eyesight, as blood had settled, but it's gone again. If this happens tomorrow, I'll take advantage of the temporary access of vision to do some of the close reading and writing that must be done. On Wednesday this time will be taken up with teaching. I'm planning to walk very slowly to work on Wednesday, via JB hifi, where I will spend a part of my birthday present (I haven't had time since April!) to buy a DVD. I have heaps of things to half-watch right now, and it makes such a difference that I want to continue the ambiance of my flat. I was going to buy clothes or books with the gift voucher, but DVDs I can't get elsewhere will give me something cool and fun and make me feel less forlorn.
Half the problem today is that the two week break is finished and my eye wiped that break without giving me as much work achieved as I needed. Also, I'm not seeing much interest in my books (fiction and other) locally, which means that I get heaps of love from afar and it's as if I don't exist in Canberra. This isn't the first time. Canberra doesn't see me as one of the cool kids (except for my favourite bookshop, which is very good to me and helps me hold my head a bit higher than I used to).
In other words, I'm a mess right now. It will improve. And I still have my friends helping with the big stuff and I'm not alone - I get to see people every 3 days, on average. It's just that there are some times that are lonelier than others, and invalidishness is one of those times. When being alone is actually lonely.
I've just reached the stage where the little stuff intervenes, before I've reached a stage where I'm quite ready to cope. Eyesight is really one of those things that takes significant adjustment. Eyesight and virus are not a good combination. And so I get annoyed easily, which isn't fair on people who lead more normal lives.
On a practical note, maybe I'm missing something. Have any of you ever lacked sight in the eye that faces incoming traffic? Is there a straightforward and safe way of crossing roads at night? Would carrying a torch help show drivers that I'm there, for instance? Or would wearing a white hat? (My warm clothes are quite dark.)
I'm annoying people today, I'm afraid. I really don't feel happy with life. I'm tired of hurting and tired of my eye (which itches - and there's absolutely no reason for it itching, since the blood is inside the eye) and there are things I want to do and can't (like put the rubbish out or wash the dishes) and I really want to work and have to pace it. Altogether, I'm being grumpy and invalidish and people who are grumpy and non-invalidish are getting a taste of my grump. If a friend got to the festival in Sydney over the weekend and got to spend time with a bunch of our mutual friends, then they will get me grumping at them when they complain about the cold.
Part of this is because my 6 week virus is now a 7 week one (and I have a friend who has had it for 3 months) and because I can't find out about teaching for Thursday and I need to, for I have to start prep today to get it done in time for course handouts to be ready, given the eye. I'm also seriously worried about getting home safely after anything in the evening for a few weeks. I didn't realise how worried I was, to be honest. I'll be much better when I know whether or not I am teaching, for then I can make plans to deal. It's the limbo that's the problem.
I woke up this morning with more eyesight, as blood had settled, but it's gone again. If this happens tomorrow, I'll take advantage of the temporary access of vision to do some of the close reading and writing that must be done. On Wednesday this time will be taken up with teaching. I'm planning to walk very slowly to work on Wednesday, via JB hifi, where I will spend a part of my birthday present (I haven't had time since April!) to buy a DVD. I have heaps of things to half-watch right now, and it makes such a difference that I want to continue the ambiance of my flat. I was going to buy clothes or books with the gift voucher, but DVDs I can't get elsewhere will give me something cool and fun and make me feel less forlorn.
Half the problem today is that the two week break is finished and my eye wiped that break without giving me as much work achieved as I needed. Also, I'm not seeing much interest in my books (fiction and other) locally, which means that I get heaps of love from afar and it's as if I don't exist in Canberra. This isn't the first time. Canberra doesn't see me as one of the cool kids (except for my favourite bookshop, which is very good to me and helps me hold my head a bit higher than I used to).
In other words, I'm a mess right now. It will improve. And I still have my friends helping with the big stuff and I'm not alone - I get to see people every 3 days, on average. It's just that there are some times that are lonelier than others, and invalidishness is one of those times. When being alone is actually lonely.
I've just reached the stage where the little stuff intervenes, before I've reached a stage where I'm quite ready to cope. Eyesight is really one of those things that takes significant adjustment. Eyesight and virus are not a good combination. And so I get annoyed easily, which isn't fair on people who lead more normal lives.
On a practical note, maybe I'm missing something. Have any of you ever lacked sight in the eye that faces incoming traffic? Is there a straightforward and safe way of crossing roads at night? Would carrying a torch help show drivers that I'm there, for instance? Or would wearing a white hat? (My warm clothes are quite dark.)
More updates
I'm back to limited work and have decided that I need to cross roads as little as possible until my eyesight has improved. I have to turn my whole head to see cars coming, you see, and that means (right now) turning my whole body. It's easy to just twist a little and not realise that one is actually not seeing anything on the right because one's right eye is blind.
I don't have as much teaching this term, which is not good financially, but it's rather a relief in terms of safety. My Tuesday night course being cancelled means that I am not catching buses half blind in the dark in mid-winter on Tuesdays. I suspect Thursday might also be cancelled, but haven't been told yet. If it goes ahead, I'll take my mobile with me and be ready to call a cab if there's rain, for I think rain would be the last straw in terms of being able to see enough to get home safely. I'll spend most of my earnings on the cab, but I won't get run over, which is rather important.
I'm easily made wrath by idiots this weekend, but just as easily totally pleased with things. This is partly the ever-ongoing virus and partly because the eyesight makes me that tired.
So many of my friends are dealing with difficult situations, one way or another. I'm thinking of them all, but can't do much to help. It's very frustrating!
Mind you, several other people are setting themselves up for sarcastic comments from me, for they're having a lovely time doing cool things and keep complaining about it. The other thing all these people have in common is that they're busy telling me how much tougher their lives are than mine. It's a whole group of souls leading small lives, and they remind me that my eye is really bad, but that it's not the end of the known universe. Five years ago, it could have been. This time round there is no potential looming death, there is just the possibility of not having a right eye. And I may well have a right eye, at the end of it all (for we don't yet know), in which case this will all boil down to a bizarre and developmental few weeks. This means I'm now open to bad jokes about eyes. Good jokes are not nearly as welcome.
If I can get enough bits of work together by tomorrow night, I will have finished another chapter. I'm more likely to finish it by Tuesday night, however, for I have so much thinking to do. This is the chapter that Changes the Writing Universe, at least for me. I've worked out (thanks to much help from generous writers) how writers integrate stuff, but explaining it is taking some thinking. Also, I usually integrate ideas using printouts and scribbles and blocks of text, and right now that's slow and annoying. Which makes me slow and annoyed, which we knew.
I don't have as much teaching this term, which is not good financially, but it's rather a relief in terms of safety. My Tuesday night course being cancelled means that I am not catching buses half blind in the dark in mid-winter on Tuesdays. I suspect Thursday might also be cancelled, but haven't been told yet. If it goes ahead, I'll take my mobile with me and be ready to call a cab if there's rain, for I think rain would be the last straw in terms of being able to see enough to get home safely. I'll spend most of my earnings on the cab, but I won't get run over, which is rather important.
I'm easily made wrath by idiots this weekend, but just as easily totally pleased with things. This is partly the ever-ongoing virus and partly because the eyesight makes me that tired.
So many of my friends are dealing with difficult situations, one way or another. I'm thinking of them all, but can't do much to help. It's very frustrating!
Mind you, several other people are setting themselves up for sarcastic comments from me, for they're having a lovely time doing cool things and keep complaining about it. The other thing all these people have in common is that they're busy telling me how much tougher their lives are than mine. It's a whole group of souls leading small lives, and they remind me that my eye is really bad, but that it's not the end of the known universe. Five years ago, it could have been. This time round there is no potential looming death, there is just the possibility of not having a right eye. And I may well have a right eye, at the end of it all (for we don't yet know), in which case this will all boil down to a bizarre and developmental few weeks. This means I'm now open to bad jokes about eyes. Good jokes are not nearly as welcome.
If I can get enough bits of work together by tomorrow night, I will have finished another chapter. I'm more likely to finish it by Tuesday night, however, for I have so much thinking to do. This is the chapter that Changes the Writing Universe, at least for me. I've worked out (thanks to much help from generous writers) how writers integrate stuff, but explaining it is taking some thinking. Also, I usually integrate ideas using printouts and scribbles and blocks of text, and right now that's slow and annoying. Which makes me slow and annoyed, which we knew.
July 18, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-18T18:35:00
Today was the big shop. I now have enough meals fr a few weeks and from tomorrow can focus again on my writing. The book makes me think of Kyla Ward's review of The Art of Effective Dreaming (which is here, for the curious: http://www.tabula-rasa.info/AusHorror/EffectiveDreaming.html ). Kyla saw what I did with the novel, but the current book explores some of the thinking behind it and behind how other people do their books. I meant it to be solely about writers and hsitory but hsitory became a way into0 understanding how writers work. Kyla traces my work and I trace that of other people.
If I rest my eye for an hour, then I should be able to get some unravelling done tonight.
I'm at the stage where I'd have wanted to finish this book, with or without a contract. It's making so much sense of how writers work. It's quite hard saying "Eye is problematic - gotta stop" when I'm at the stage I just want to focus and get finished. There's understanding involved, and understanding is the biggest lure for me of any. Making sense of the universe is the most fun there is. Getting to the heart of how writers design and interpret worlds and then tell stories set within them is understanding many universes. it's very addictive.
If I rest my eye for an hour, then I should be able to get some unravelling done tonight.
I'm at the stage where I'd have wanted to finish this book, with or without a contract. It's making so much sense of how writers work. It's quite hard saying "Eye is problematic - gotta stop" when I'm at the stage I just want to focus and get finished. There's understanding involved, and understanding is the biggest lure for me of any. Making sense of the universe is the most fun there is. Getting to the heart of how writers design and interpret worlds and then tell stories set within them is understanding many universes. it's very addictive.
July 17, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-18T10:33:00
My eye is a little unstable today (but not even close to bad enough to race to hospital with, and I've stopped the triggering activity - my dishes can remain unwashed until things settle) and the Beast is in the top 100 of English history in Amazon US. The Beast has not actually been released in the US, but obviously people are buying it anyway. This means that the world is balanced, in its Gillianish fashion.
Also, I bought a new heater and it arrived last week. I wondered what would happen to the State of the Gillian if I didn't get asthma attacks every time the temperature dropped. And if other aspects of my heath would improve if I secured that stability. What happens is that I sleep. Lots. And that I wake up less tired. Give me a week of this and I rather suspect the eye will be stable and the temperament will be normal and etc. Much etc. It wasn't a cheap heater and it has bells and whistles, and it's quite tricky to make the bells and whistles work. It does what I need it to do, however, and I am sleeping in a room that's no longer prone to swings of up to ten degrees. It's also very quiet, which means I can sleep through its hardest work. My old heater is now in the library, which really only needs top ups from time to time, for books have wonderful insulative properties. I tell this to people who want me to give up on print and invest in a Kindle.
My other news is that today is shopping day. I have a list. I have friends. I will not have to carry things (which is good, because I really oughtn't, yet, carry more than my handbag) and tonight I intend to make chicken soup. Chicken soup is pushing things unless I do it with great care, so I shall do it with great care, for I need emergency chicken soup and I also need my eyesight.
All this means that today didn't start so well, but that it's improving apace.
Also, I bought a new heater and it arrived last week. I wondered what would happen to the State of the Gillian if I didn't get asthma attacks every time the temperature dropped. And if other aspects of my heath would improve if I secured that stability. What happens is that I sleep. Lots. And that I wake up less tired. Give me a week of this and I rather suspect the eye will be stable and the temperament will be normal and etc. Much etc. It wasn't a cheap heater and it has bells and whistles, and it's quite tricky to make the bells and whistles work. It does what I need it to do, however, and I am sleeping in a room that's no longer prone to swings of up to ten degrees. It's also very quiet, which means I can sleep through its hardest work. My old heater is now in the library, which really only needs top ups from time to time, for books have wonderful insulative properties. I tell this to people who want me to give up on print and invest in a Kindle.
My other news is that today is shopping day. I have a list. I have friends. I will not have to carry things (which is good, because I really oughtn't, yet, carry more than my handbag) and tonight I intend to make chicken soup. Chicken soup is pushing things unless I do it with great care, so I shall do it with great care, for I need emergency chicken soup and I also need my eyesight.
All this means that today didn't start so well, but that it's improving apace.
July 16, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-17T14:01:00
I've been to the hospital again, and won't know for a fortnight if I need an operation. We all agreed that watching was better at this stage. Thanks to the wonderful Dave, I didn't stumble around trying to get there and get home. Eye visits are much less tiring without the impossibility of the new bus system. Les stress, less glare, and it all took less than 3 hours.
Right now, I can't see much and keep cleaning my glasses to see if that'll help. Of course it doesn't, but at least my glasses are clean.
In other news, you can find myself and Katrin on the BBC website today, and in several other places, promoting the Beast. People really want us to promote the Beast, which is a nice feeling. I've never had a book with mass appeal before. everyone acts very differently to the way they do with my fiction. I don't get "You need to read my draft book" but I do get "I must buy this book." I don't even have to fully explain what it's about. I'll do a list to the various pieces when they're all up, for we had fun interviewing each other and explaining the shared work. They're not - in other words- normal puff pieces.
I'm typing pretty much by feel right now, for dilated pupils make things white on the left side and blood makes things dark on the right. My eyes symbolise a bipolar universe. In my particular bipolar universe, tea is suddenly essential. I'm eating chocolate coffee beans, BTW, which is very good for me. I'm certain of it.
Right now, I can't see much and keep cleaning my glasses to see if that'll help. Of course it doesn't, but at least my glasses are clean.
In other news, you can find myself and Katrin on the BBC website today, and in several other places, promoting the Beast. People really want us to promote the Beast, which is a nice feeling. I've never had a book with mass appeal before. everyone acts very differently to the way they do with my fiction. I don't get "You need to read my draft book" but I do get "I must buy this book." I don't even have to fully explain what it's about. I'll do a list to the various pieces when they're all up, for we had fun interviewing each other and explaining the shared work. They're not - in other words- normal puff pieces.
I'm typing pretty much by feel right now, for dilated pupils make things white on the left side and blood makes things dark on the right. My eyes symbolise a bipolar universe. In my particular bipolar universe, tea is suddenly essential. I'm eating chocolate coffee beans, BTW, which is very good for me. I'm certain of it.
July 15, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-16T16:03:00
I'm more cheerful than yesterday. I'm not doing my best work, and I'm doing work in dribs and drabs, but I'm definitely doing it. If I can continue at this pace, I'll finish my book in time, which was the big worry. It may not be quite as good a book as it could have been, if my life behaved with charm and elegance, but all the groundwork I did means that it should be sound. Last time my eye was this bad, I couldn't actually do much of anything for months (because so much was so bad) so I'm pretty pleased with myself. I can still hardly see out of my right eye, but my life is not completely messy.
Part of this is because of my friends. I have a lift to the hospital tomorrow and help with shopping on Saturday. I have DVDs to half watch so that I can't get too morose because reading will be a bit tough til my eye settles. Not having to fret about food really makes a difference.
I'm still behind and I'm still (to be honest, very worried) but if I can meet my deadlines and have the stuff for daily life, I'll be fine.
One day I will have an ordinary life with ordinary joys, but right now I'm going to have a lavender scented bath and then slowly sort out Ch 5 while half-watching DVDs and half resting that eye. I'm making appalling jokes at every possible opportunity and I'm resting in between doing almost everything. That's the thing about ever-changing eyesight: it really is quite exhausting. But I've been here before and it's much easier this time, because I did so very, very much before everything went haywire and because I have help with crucial things.
While I'd love to get ahead with things, at the very least I won't get too far behind! And my deadlines will be met. And I shall be exceedingly smug and annoy so many people...
Part of this is because of my friends. I have a lift to the hospital tomorrow and help with shopping on Saturday. I have DVDs to half watch so that I can't get too morose because reading will be a bit tough til my eye settles. Not having to fret about food really makes a difference.
I'm still behind and I'm still (to be honest, very worried) but if I can meet my deadlines and have the stuff for daily life, I'll be fine.
One day I will have an ordinary life with ordinary joys, but right now I'm going to have a lavender scented bath and then slowly sort out Ch 5 while half-watching DVDs and half resting that eye. I'm making appalling jokes at every possible opportunity and I'm resting in between doing almost everything. That's the thing about ever-changing eyesight: it really is quite exhausting. But I've been here before and it's much easier this time, because I did so very, very much before everything went haywire and because I have help with crucial things.
While I'd love to get ahead with things, at the very least I won't get too far behind! And my deadlines will be met. And I shall be exceedingly smug and annoy so many people...
July 14, 2015
Updatery
Some of you already know that my right eye took a significant turn for the worse in Sydney over the weekend. It decided to misbehave again the night before last, so I spent an exciting time at the Canberra Hospital on a way busy night. I went in before midnight and was home around 10 am. The ambulance people didn't know what to do, the emergency people didn't know what to do, but the experts the next day knew their stuff and I'm going in again on Friday for a heart to heart talk with someone senior so that we can make decisions about the future of the eye.
My left eye is 100% fine. My right eye varies from 5% vision to about 30%, depending on where the blood is at a given moment. At this moment it's possibly even a bit better than that, if one discounts the big black spiders sleeping sprawled on my eyeball and moving their legs in their sleep. It's only blood. The retina is perfectly stable. This means there's the possibility that I'll get full eyesight back, but there are potential complications that make it a not-easy decision. The operation that's a no-brainer for most people is actually dangerous to my vision in my case because I'm so exceptionally short-sighted. This is why they didn't even discuss it until now. On Friday we'll know how quickly the blood is clearing by itself and hopefully be able to see where it's coming from, which will give more data to add to the decision.
What's happening with my right eye is strange. Two hospitals have now said so (though my local hospital minces words and RPA doesn't) but it's not life threatening at all. And it's only one eye. Whatever happens, I will have my left eye. If it clears up a bit on its own, the prognosis is that it will take at least 2 months, so if people could refrain from asking "Are you better yet?" it would be a big help. At the very best, I'm going to be exhausted during that time, because the vision will be shifting. At the worst, I'll lose the sight in my right eye.
Friends are being wonderfully supportive. This is the big difference between now and 2010. One of the big differences. The other was, of course, that in 2010 I nearly died - I think that was the toughest three months of my life - I lived on Woollies home delivery and got rather depressed. This time, it's only my eye - the rest of me is doing fine. Instead of being alone, I have friends who are there for me. I even have a mobile, because after 2010 a friend said "You need this" and gave me her old one, and that has made an *extraordinary* difference these last few days.
I've always had help from freinds when I needed it this week. I have food (and will have more on Saturday), and DVDs to watch when i can't see type on my computer and yesterday, when I was walking round (nearly sightless and in public places) in my PJs after a long night at the hospital (for I'd changed for bed when it happened) friends picked me up and got me home.
All this means that the only thing wrong is my eye, and yes, my eye is very wrong. I'm extraordinarily tired because I have to deal with vision that's constantly changing, but I'm otherwise fine. I'm even shaking off that idiot virus that's plagued me for 6 weeks. I slept nearly 12 hours last night.
And that's my update.
My left eye is 100% fine. My right eye varies from 5% vision to about 30%, depending on where the blood is at a given moment. At this moment it's possibly even a bit better than that, if one discounts the big black spiders sleeping sprawled on my eyeball and moving their legs in their sleep. It's only blood. The retina is perfectly stable. This means there's the possibility that I'll get full eyesight back, but there are potential complications that make it a not-easy decision. The operation that's a no-brainer for most people is actually dangerous to my vision in my case because I'm so exceptionally short-sighted. This is why they didn't even discuss it until now. On Friday we'll know how quickly the blood is clearing by itself and hopefully be able to see where it's coming from, which will give more data to add to the decision.
What's happening with my right eye is strange. Two hospitals have now said so (though my local hospital minces words and RPA doesn't) but it's not life threatening at all. And it's only one eye. Whatever happens, I will have my left eye. If it clears up a bit on its own, the prognosis is that it will take at least 2 months, so if people could refrain from asking "Are you better yet?" it would be a big help. At the very best, I'm going to be exhausted during that time, because the vision will be shifting. At the worst, I'll lose the sight in my right eye.
Friends are being wonderfully supportive. This is the big difference between now and 2010. One of the big differences. The other was, of course, that in 2010 I nearly died - I think that was the toughest three months of my life - I lived on Woollies home delivery and got rather depressed. This time, it's only my eye - the rest of me is doing fine. Instead of being alone, I have friends who are there for me. I even have a mobile, because after 2010 a friend said "You need this" and gave me her old one, and that has made an *extraordinary* difference these last few days.
I've always had help from freinds when I needed it this week. I have food (and will have more on Saturday), and DVDs to watch when i can't see type on my computer and yesterday, when I was walking round (nearly sightless and in public places) in my PJs after a long night at the hospital (for I'd changed for bed when it happened) friends picked me up and got me home.
All this means that the only thing wrong is my eye, and yes, my eye is very wrong. I'm extraordinarily tired because I have to deal with vision that's constantly changing, but I'm otherwise fine. I'm even shaking off that idiot virus that's plagued me for 6 weeks. I slept nearly 12 hours last night.
And that's my update.
July 8, 2015
On Sundays
This is a tween day. A day for chocolate and hot tea. I feel worried about life, but I know perfectly well that it's because it's a tween day in a tween period of my life, and not the stuff of severe concern.
Normally I deal with tween days by writing fiction, but I have NF deadlines and so 'normal' can't happen. This makes it very hard to concentrate, I'm afraid, and I have until midnight to get those two chapters into a nice, clean first draft, so I really need to concentrate.
I said once that the great advantage of being semi-freelance is that one gets to take Sundays as needed because one works seven days a week the rest of the time. Today needs to be a Sunday, and I find myself caught out. I need to go with a friend to the Art Gallery, then sit round a big TV with friends tonight, sipping warming drinks (probably alcoholic) and making snarky remarks about B grade movies. Today is as much a Thursday for me as for anyone else. I have to work until I'm finished my tasks.
This week, it seems, I get an actual Sunday. I don't know about the TV and friends, but I will certainly be in the vicinity of Circular Quay (and maybe, if I'm daring, Watson's Bay and Doyles) from around midday. I don't need to be elsewhere until 6 pm. Friends who want to share my rare Sunday that actually falls on the right day of the week should get in touch with me ASAP. Today is the day I make up my mind about Sunday. This is my way of dealing with midwinter blues. Today I'm dreaming of coffee, museums, sand, history, friends. I don't know what Sunday will actually bring at this stage, but at the worst, it'll be Little My and me, doing interesting things and drinking much coffee. If it's just the two of us, I shall take work with me and it'll be myself, Little My, many books and much coffee, but if other friends want to meet for a half hour or more, then I'll be very happy to see them and it will be a Sunday on Sunday, which is rare and special and will need celebrating.
On the Saturday I'm teaching at the NSW Writers' Centre and there are places left in the course, and that reminds me, I have til 4 pm today to do my handouts and most of my teaching prep. Today is definitely not Sunday, however much I need it to be.
Normally I deal with tween days by writing fiction, but I have NF deadlines and so 'normal' can't happen. This makes it very hard to concentrate, I'm afraid, and I have until midnight to get those two chapters into a nice, clean first draft, so I really need to concentrate.
I said once that the great advantage of being semi-freelance is that one gets to take Sundays as needed because one works seven days a week the rest of the time. Today needs to be a Sunday, and I find myself caught out. I need to go with a friend to the Art Gallery, then sit round a big TV with friends tonight, sipping warming drinks (probably alcoholic) and making snarky remarks about B grade movies. Today is as much a Thursday for me as for anyone else. I have to work until I'm finished my tasks.
This week, it seems, I get an actual Sunday. I don't know about the TV and friends, but I will certainly be in the vicinity of Circular Quay (and maybe, if I'm daring, Watson's Bay and Doyles) from around midday. I don't need to be elsewhere until 6 pm. Friends who want to share my rare Sunday that actually falls on the right day of the week should get in touch with me ASAP. Today is the day I make up my mind about Sunday. This is my way of dealing with midwinter blues. Today I'm dreaming of coffee, museums, sand, history, friends. I don't know what Sunday will actually bring at this stage, but at the worst, it'll be Little My and me, doing interesting things and drinking much coffee. If it's just the two of us, I shall take work with me and it'll be myself, Little My, many books and much coffee, but if other friends want to meet for a half hour or more, then I'll be very happy to see them and it will be a Sunday on Sunday, which is rare and special and will need celebrating.
On the Saturday I'm teaching at the NSW Writers' Centre and there are places left in the course, and that reminds me, I have til 4 pm today to do my handouts and most of my teaching prep. Today is definitely not Sunday, however much I need it to be.
July 7, 2015
gillpolack @ 2015-07-08T12:39:00
Today is another bizarre day. I get strange messages from odd places and my life is full of weird. I now have 17k out of the just-under-20k and they're much better words. I can have my 20k by tomorrow night, which is my date-beyond-which-hell-freezes-over. It turned out that Chapter Four wasn't nearly as much of a headache as Chapter Three.
And on that note, I go to problem-solve! At a cafe! (I have a missing friend.)
ETA: My friend never turned up, but he may have sent me a text that didn't arrive. Messages to and from my mobile are just not happening. The sunshine ought to be ice-silver and wintry, but today it's faintly golden and autumnal due to the amount of smoke in the air. We have a wonderfully blue sky in Canberra in winter, but today it's dinged with grey (tinged in a dingy way).
I need to eat lunch, I guess. I had a coffee while waiting for my friend, and I've made significant inroads into an article I promised, so the time wasn't wasted. Today is strange. In so very many ways, today is strange. And my flat smells of slightly charcoal buttered toast, due to me discovering last night that proper camping jaffle irons do not like modern stovetops.
I've done a whole day's work and it's only 2 pm and have experienced 2 days worth of strangeness and it's only 2 pm. Boredom is not an issue.
And on that note, I go to problem-solve! At a cafe! (I have a missing friend.)
ETA: My friend never turned up, but he may have sent me a text that didn't arrive. Messages to and from my mobile are just not happening. The sunshine ought to be ice-silver and wintry, but today it's faintly golden and autumnal due to the amount of smoke in the air. We have a wonderfully blue sky in Canberra in winter, but today it's dinged with grey (tinged in a dingy way).
I need to eat lunch, I guess. I had a coffee while waiting for my friend, and I've made significant inroads into an article I promised, so the time wasn't wasted. Today is strange. In so very many ways, today is strange. And my flat smells of slightly charcoal buttered toast, due to me discovering last night that proper camping jaffle irons do not like modern stovetops.
I've done a whole day's work and it's only 2 pm and have experienced 2 days worth of strangeness and it's only 2 pm. Boredom is not an issue.
