Patrick Todoroff's Blog, page 37

Sci-Fi Facepalm

Purchased a sci-fi book for my Nook couple weeks ago as a ‘close enough to Christmas to be a present to myself’ gift. The first of a series, it has numerous high-star reviews, and is lauded as an solid, action-packed adventure. I settled in, started reading, looking forward to a good run of “planet-stomping space opera that bursts off the page like a tactical nuke”. By page fifty, I realized I’d entered the Disappointment Zone.

Tactical Nuke? Nope. By page one hundred, I’d have settled for “hand grenade”, but it ended up more the “bottle rocket” variety of demolitions. A “bought-in-a-Chinatown-alley-in-blocks-of-twenty-five” kind of bottle rocket. They’re cheap ’cause you know half of them won’t go off.

Not to be snide, but it’s lame to the Nth degree. (No, I won’t mention the title) Where to start? It’s filled with those paragraph-long descriptive sentences that your Creative Writing Prof told you to break up into manageable bits. Filled. With. Them. It’s got a cast of cardboard trope characters, Shuttle loads of Captain Obvious dialog, page after page of tedious irrelevant detail. “He stood up. Then he walked to the flier. Then he grasped the bar with a firm grip and climbed into the flier, his boot scuffing the rough steel surface of the kick plate. Then he sat in the worn yet comfortable pilot seat that hundreds of other pilots has sat in. Then while closing the cockpit door, he engaged the AI autopilot that would ensure he wouldn’t have to actually do any flying, but he longingly caressed the flight joystick anyway…..”

While I’m out $7.99, I haven’t lost hope. Oh, I’ve given up on the series. I mean for my own work.

Fact is I recently submitted a query packet for Shift Tense. This agency had expressed interest in Running Black two years ago, going so far as requesting the full ms for 30-day exclusive. While they ultimately passed on it – I understand why now – they told me to contact them again with my next manuscript. It might have been simple courtesy. (They were unfailingly polite and prompt) But I remembered the invitation and figured it was worth a shot.

After all, the series I’d started is on book five now.

Passing this on: Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

Interesting article and video clip at the BBC on Leonard Cohen’s stealth hit. I’ve always found it a poignant and beautiful song. Lyrics below.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20778621

“Hallelujah”

I’ve heard there was a secret chord

That David played, and it pleased the Lord

But you don’t really care for music, do you?

It goes like this

The fourth, the fifth

The minor fall, the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your throne, and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before

I know this room, I’ve walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew you.

I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch

Love is not a victory march

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know

What’s really going on below

But now you never show it to me, do you?

And remember when I moved in you

The holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there’s a God above

But all I’ve ever learned from love

Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you

It’s not a cry you can hear at night

It’s not somebody who has seen the light

It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain

I don’t even know the name

But if I did, well, really, what’s it to you?

There’s a blaze of light in every word

It doesn’t matter which you heard

The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch

I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Instruments of Murder

I’ve been praying for these families every day since. It’s absolutely heart-wrenching.

I’m not looking for an argument on the nature of evil, gun-control, God’s Sovereignty, or what-have-you. This was evil. This was wrong. In my understanding, sin is the soul’s choice of not-God. There is no love, no faith, no basis for eternal judgment without free will. Choices were made. Lines were crossed. This has very little to do with types of guns and everything to do with the crookedness of the human heart. God owes no apologies here.

We have to recognize that same nasty twist is in each of our hearts in various ways and different degrees. Capability isn’t Culpability, I get that, so demand Justice by all means. But understand once God starts judging sin and setting things right, He will do a complete, thorough job. And eventually get to each one of us.

And then where will we stand?

May God bless and pour out tangible, supernatural grace on the families of those affected.

And may God judge Fred Phelps and his clan if they show up and protest.

***

I post this poem every Christmas. Seems more pertinent this year.

Let the Stable Still Astonish

Let the stable still astonish:

Straw- dirt floor, dull eyes, dusty flanks of donkeys, oxen;

Crumbling, crooked walls; No bed to carry that pain.

And then the child -

Rag-wrapped, laid to cry in a trough.

Who would have chosen this?

Who would have said:

“Yes, Let the God of all

the heavens and earth

be born here, in this place”?

Who but the same God who stands in the darker, fouler rooms of our hearts and says,

“Yes, Let the God of Heaven and Earth be born here – in this place.”

May God bless you and keep you all in the new year, and make you an instrument of His Courage, Compassion, and Grace.

M41A Pulse Rifle or Dark Elven Blade of Whispers?

Is it just me or is Fantasy more popular than Sci Fi?

I haven’t run any hard numbers, but it feels like Sci Fi may dominate the Big Screen for its eye-candy potential, but there are A LOT of Fantasy books being published ALL THE TIME. When ever I log on to Smashwords, GoodReads or even Amazon, I’m flooded by adverts for some elvish princess with chainmail-clad misty mountains or the urbanized variety with a hunky were-wolf staring me down. As a hardcore cosmonaut, I’m ready to slash my wrists. (with +5 Dirk of Wounding)

Is this accurate or am I under a Spell?

***

This is amusing:

Fun with Guns!

*If you’re unfamiliar with the M41A Pulse Rifle or Vera, you might want to hit your “Back” button.

AK-47: It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.

AR-15: You have $9 USD per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.

Mosin-Nagant: It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Usually cleaned by a gunnery sergeant shouting, “Marine! Clean that weapon!”

Vera: Jayne Cobb lovingly bathes with Vera any chance he can get. You don’t want to know more.

AK-47: You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.

AR-15: You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters.

Mosin-Nagant: You can hit the barn from two miles away.

M41A Pulse Rifle: You can not only hit the barn, but vaporize it with a single rifle-grenade.

Vera: Why bother shooting barns? There’s people that make for better shootin’.

AK-47: Cheap mags are fun to buy.

AR-15: Cheap mags melt.

Mosin-Nagant: What’s a mag?

M41A Pulse Rifle: 100-round mag! Woo-hoo!

Vera: The see-through mag adds to the excitement of firing rounds the size of a cigar.

AK-47: Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.

AR-15: You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.

Mosin-Nagant: What’s a safety?

M41A Pulse Rifle: “Safety” means being behind the gun.

Vera: With Jayne and Vera around, ain’t no gorram thing as “safety”.

AK-47: Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.

AR-15: Your rifle has a 9-point stealth tactical suspension system.

Mosin-Nagant: Your rifle has a dog collar.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Your rifle comes with this excellent $450 USD sling provided by legendary defense contractor Weyland-Yutani Corporation.

Vera: Sling? Why would you want to do anything besides caress Vera’s sultry curves with your own hands? ‘Less it’s tradin’ Vera for Christina Hendricks…

AK-47: Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.

AR-15: Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.

Mosin-Nagant: Your bayonet is longer than your leg.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Your bayonet only seems to get used for dangerous pranks in the mess hall.

Vera: Why stab somethin’ when you can shoot it?

AK-47: You can put a .30″ hole through 12″ of oak.

AR-15: You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 10 rounds.

Mosin-Nagant: You knock down everyone else’s target with the shockwave of your bullet going downrange.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Your 10mm armor-piercing caseless rounds should not be fired when underneath the main cooling unit for a nuclear reactor. I’m not kidding. Just don’t.

Vera: It shoots through schools. And armor. And the victim. And the tree outside.

AK-47: When out of ammo, your rifle will nominally pass as a club.

AR-15: When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.

Mosin-Nagant: When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.

M41A Pulse Rifle: When out of ammo, strap a flamer to the side of it.

Vera: When out of ammo, Jayne is still likely to kill you anyway.

AK-47: Recoil is manageable, even fun.

AR-15: What’s a recoil?

Mosin-Nagant: Recoil is often used to fix shoulders dislocated by the previous shot.

M41A Pulse Rifle: See entry for “AR-15″ above.

Vera: Ain’t nothin’ a big damn hero can’t handle.

AK-47: Your sight adjustment goes to 10, and you’ve never bothered moving it.

AR-15: Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.

Mosin-Nagant: Your sight adjustment goes to 2000 meters, and you’ve actually tried it.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Sight? Real men (and women) fire from the hip.

Vera: This real man also fires from the hip, and Jayne ain’t a girl. Dong-ma?

AK-47: Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.

AR-15: Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two-bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts.

Mosin-Nagant: Your rifle has fought against itself – and won everytime.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Your rifle has seen its share of bug-hunts.

Vera: Used by Jayne, period.

AK-47: Your rifle won some revolutions.

AR-15: Your rifle drove Saddam out of Kuwait.

Mosin-Nagant: Your rifle won a pole vault event.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Vera: Won the “Best Dressed Gun” contest on Whitefall three years running.

AK-47: You paid $330. USD

AR-15: You paid $900. USD

Mosin-Nagant: You paid $59.95 USD.

M41A Pulse Rifle: You paid with your blood, sweat, and tears, and this six-year contract to the Colonial Marines.

Vera: Six men came to kill Jayne one time. And the best of ‘em carried Vera.

AK-47: You buy cheap ammo by the case.

AR-15: You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.

Mosin-Nagant: You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.

M41A Pulse Rifle: With 100-round magazines, why worry?

Vera: A single round might break your toe if you were careless enough to drop it.

AK-47: You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.

AR-15: Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.

Mosin-Nagant: You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the stream without leaving the comfort of your hole.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Bishop! Come do that thing you do with the knife!

Vera: Remember that talk we had above about bayonets?

AK-47: Any fool can be taught to field strip it.

AR-15: Anyone with an IQ over 160 can be taught to field strip it.

Mosin-Nagant: What’s field stripping?

M41A Pulse Rifle: The Weyland-Yutani Corporation will happily strip, clean, seal, and certify your rifle for the low, low price of $230. USD

Vera: Stripping Vera…? I’ll be in my bunk.

AK-47: Service life, 50 years.

AR-15: Service life, 40 years.

Mosin-Nagant: Service life, 101 years, and counting.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Service life, the next combat drop.

Vera: Service life, ’til Jayne drops.

AK-47: It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.

AR-15: You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.

Mosin-Nagant: You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62×54 R.

M41A Pulse Rifle: 10mm caseless armor-piercing rounds. Why would you want to change cartridge sizes?

Vera: Look, this thing wiped out the control center of a deep-space electromagnetic dragnet. Don’t tell Jayne he needs to change that. You’ll just disturb his calm.

AK-47: You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.

AR-15: You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, if it’s under warranty!

Mosin-Nagant: If your rifle breaks, you pick up another one.

M41A Pulse Rifle: The Weyland-Yutani Corporation will charge you a kidney if you damage this rifle. Literally.

Vera: Only one man gets to put his hands on Vera, and it ain’t you.

AK-47: You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards burst into flames.

AR-15: You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.

Mosin-Nagant: You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2×4.

M41A Pulse Rifle: You consider the acid burns on the stock to be a badge of honor.

Vera: What in the ruttin’ hell you need badges for? You got a private room and a 12% cut.

AK-47: You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.

AR-15: Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.

Mosin-Nagant: Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.

M41A Pulse Rifle: You will accessorize this rifle with whatever Sergeant Apone gives you, Marine!

Vera: This rifle ain’t nothin’ but accessories.

AK-47: Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.

AR-15: Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high-tech polymers.

Mosin-Nagant: Your rifle’s finish is low-grade shellac, cosmoline, and Olga’s toe nail polish.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Your rifle’s finish is classified intellectual property of the Weyland-Yutani Small Arms Division.

Vera: This rifle’s “finish” is a beer, a cigar, and breakfast for the livin’ legend. Wait, what?

AK-47: After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of vodka.

AR-15: After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hot dogs and apple pie.

Mosin-Nagant: After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.

M41A Pulse Rifle: After cleaning your rifle, you have a strong urge for Black Flag, Bug-B-Gone, Raid…

Vera: After cleaning Vera, all Jayne feels like is a cigarette and some after-glow.

AK-47: After a long day the range, you relax by watching Red Dawn.

AR-15: After a long day at the range, you relax by watching Black Hawk Down.

Mosin-Nagant: After a long day at the range, you relax by visiting the chiropractor.

M41A Pulse Rifle: After a long day at the range, you relax by rescuing some juicy colonists’ daughters from their virginity. Oh, except for you, Private Vasquez. And you, Corporal Dietrich. And you, Corporal Ferro… ah, you know what? Do what feels right, Ferro. We’re not judging you.

Vera: Range? Ain’t no need for a range. Just shoot ‘em.

AK-47: Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”

AR-15: Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

Mosin-Nagant: Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the yard to sleep in.

M41A Pulse Rifle: Late at night, you… well, nothing, frankly, ’cause you’re in cryo-sleep.

Vera: Jayne don’t fight primal urges — he is a primal urge. How’d his brain even learn human speech?

AK-47: Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.

AR-15: Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.

Mosin-Nagant: Are there even photographs of Sergi Ivanovich Mosin and Leon Nagant?

M41A Pulse Rifle: You’re married to the Corps, Marine!

Vera: Jayne don’t need a wife — he’s got Vera.

Smooth tunes

Let it roll over you. Go with it.

Bonfire of the Vanities?

“Is it right? Is it wrong? What do I do?

God approves! No, God despises it.

It’s a stumbling block. It’s a tool.

This reference! That chapter/verse!

But what about them?”

Almost a hundred responses here. I appreciate this group of folks, and Mike’s courage to fashion an arena for the discussion.

Well done.

BIBLE VERSE ALERT! Scripture Reference Coming.

By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames. 1 Cor.3:10-15

Look… Fact is it’s all going to pass through the fire. All our mixed motives, our service, our sacrifice, the “best-attempt” offerings of stunted people from a broken world. All will be revealed for it’s true nature.

We might settle this issue of Faith in Fiction in some of our minds, but never on any broad scale. People love arguing too much. And even if we reach a consensus, we haven’t determined God’s opinion on the matter. “His thoughts and ways, etc, etc,” – you all know the verse. God uses donkeys, madmen, lepers, and devils to do His will. I’d bet He can use our little stories in some way. So much so that I’m continuing to write.

But what do I really know?

I know I have to obey, to respond to His promptings, to learn, to try and sometimes fail. I know that I have to continue in hope, placing my life in His hands trusting sometimes against hope that He can make something out of it. Part of that involves writing. Sermons, Lessons, Poems, Stories, Novels.

Isn’t all love a risk?

They say it takes a fiction writer a million words to find their voice. There are lots of words in that thread. I hope they brought some resolution. But I wonder if they couldn’t have been better spent.

“Them that begin by burning books, end by burning men.” – Heinrich Heine

“So, what kind of fiction do you write?”

It’s a simple question I have either a hard or easy time answering, depending on who’s asking.

The easy answer is I write Christian Speculative-fiction for non-Christians. That means I don’t shy away from faith – or sin – so long as they’re organic to the plot. I (try to) avoid gratuitous sermonizing and/or sordid voyeurism for sanctimony or shock effect. I think that makes my work an anomaly in the heap of evangelical offerings. I write for the outsider, so perhaps it’s Spec-Fiction for people who’ve given up on religion but not on God.

My stories tend to have guns, soldiers, explosions, robots, fire-fights, and more guns, which makes it mostly for guys.

So if you’re looking for an inexpensive, manly Christmas gift…

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The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it. – Thucydides

The Next Big Thing

Author Mike Duran tagged me as part of the blog meme “The Next Big Thing”, His Post is HERE. Now it’s my turn to weigh in.

1) What is the title of your next book/work?

SHIFT TENSE. It’s the second installment in the Eshu International sci fi series.

2) Where did the idea come from for the book/work?

A collision of half-a-dozen books : P. W. Singers’ “Wired for War”, “Children at War”, and “Corporate Warriors”; Ishmael Beah’s “Long Way Gone”; Al Venter’s “War Dog. Fighting other People’s War”, and Sam Childer’s “Another Man’s War.”

3) What genre does your book/work fall under?

Sci Fi I guess, although it’s more near-future action thriller with a splash of espionage.

4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

The Eshu International Crew:

Tam Song: Hiroyuki Sanada

Jace Manner: Tahmoh Penikett

Poet9: Diego Luna

Triplets: David Batista (pro-wrestler) x 3.

5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Sent to assassinate the fanatical commander of jihadist rebels, Eshu International is caught in the crossfire of a bloody African civil war when they discover they’re gunning for the wrong man.

6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

The jury’s still out on this one. I’m preparing query packets now, as well as investigating potential copy-editors should I pursue the self-pub route.



7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

One year. Juggling full-time job, family, and church obligations, it’s the second draft that’s taken longer.

8) What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?



The Run ‘n’ Gun Mil-Sci-Fi aspect is easy: John Ringo, Ian Douglas, Myke Cole, Steven L. Kent, Robert Beuttner… to name a few. The Spec-fiction/Biblical worldview element is tougher to match. I’m not appealing to the standard ‘family-friendly Christian’ audience. Although they don’t write in the same genre: Stephen Lawhead and Andrew Klavan come to mind.



9) Who or what inspired you to write this book?

I’m supposed to say “God” here, right?

The honest answer is it was more a sea-change in my attitude than a thunderbolt of inspiration. I started hammer out my first novel, “Running Black” during the last economic adjustment. Custom glass work was slow to the point of distraction, so as a Christian and a fan of good Sci-Fi/Fantasy, I tried to write something I thought I’d enjoy reading. There’s that escapist/entertainment part of me that wants to be thrilled by battles, bravery, and happy endings, so that’s part of what I’m aiming for.

The next element was I grew tired of my faith being overwhelmingly represented as cruel, ignorant, and/or opportunistic in the Spec-Fiction genres. There are and have been intelligent, compassionate, devout men and women who profoundly and positively influenced people and history in the name of Jesus Christ. I wanted to see this sort of authentic, tangible faith portrayed in fiction.

I try to keep my fiction ‘grounded’ in real-world issues, but the third inspirational aspect is that writing allows me to investigate areas where life, imagination, and faith intersect. Exploring controversial, complicated issues forces me to dig deeper for foundational principles and the Person behind them.



10) What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

Somali pirates, killer robots, child soldiers, mercenaries, firefights… this is definitely ‘guy’ novel. I wove an emotional core and Biblical themes throughout the novel, (really) but there’s something unarguably cool about a .50 caliber sniper rifle.

I asked Jessica Thomas, David Alderman, and Lee Stephen to pile on next week.

Thanks for listening.

Glorious Leader. You extra sexy!

This has nothing to do with writing, but IT MADE MY DAY Click in the link to go to the BBC News coverage of The Onion Spoof.

** It’s vaguely related, because one of the Eshu International principles – Tam Song – is North Korean. So there.