David W. Robinson's Blog: Always Writing, page 42

D is for Deaths, Lots of Them

 

On page two of The Filey Connection, someone is killed. No spoilers here, so you’ll have to read the book or a sample to learn more, but it’s debatable whether his/her death was accidental or otherwise.

The victim has the distinction of being the first ever STAC Mystery death. Since then, I’ve bumped off an average of two people per book.

But you could be forgiven for considering them as mere asides to the investigation because that’s exactly what they are. It’s part of the cosy, traditional British whodunit culture. The murder is coincidental; the important thing is tracking down the killer, demonstrating the sleuth’s superior thinking which leads to the unmasking of the evil perpetrator.

I writer stronger material. The Handshaker, a dark tale of rape and murder, pulls no punches and in Voices, a paranormal tale of terror, there are graphic descriptions of the deaths of many people, particularly during the bomb explosion.

When it comes to the STAC titles, however, it’s glossed over. Even Joe, the man who invariably cracks the case, does not dwell on photographs of the victims, and can frequently be heard to say, “I’m no ghoul.”

Murder, real murder is no easy ride. No matter how its carried out, no matter what condition it leaves the victim in, it is a heinous, gruesome crime, rightly punished with the maximum sentence the law permits.

But this is fiction, and while we can (and often do) reflect some of the shock the crime brings upon surviving families, it is nevertheless designed to entertain.

And having delivered my little lesson for the day, I’m going back to work on the next STAC Mystery. Time to knock off another few people before breakfast.

***

The STAC Mysteries are available as paperbacks and as e-book downloads in all formats, or direct from Crooked Cat Books in MOBI, EPUB and PDF formats

C is for Chocolate Egg Murders, The

The seventh and most recent STAC Mystery, released on March 20th, just two weeks ago, the popularity of The Chocolate Egg Murders has proved outstanding. It was in the top 100 of the Amazon British Detectives genre chart on the day of its release, and rocketed up that chart into the top 10, where it remains at number 6 (at the time of writing).

“The Carrot”, Weston-super-Mare

The story is set over the Easter weekend in the Somerset seaside town of Weston-super-Mare, with a visit to Bath thrown in. It’s no coincidence that my wife and I were in Weston-super-Mare (with a visit to Bath) the year before Chocolate Egg was released, and from the moment we arrived, I wanted to set a novel there.

In common with all STAC Mysteries, the tale starts low key: two women arguing in the street, one throws a chocolate egg at the other, misses and hits Joe instead. 24 hours later, one of the women is found dead. Two more murders take place, there are underworld machinations to consider, and Joe is attacked more times than he cares to remember. Never much of a scrapper, it’s fortunate that he has his pals from the 3rd Age Club, and his ever-present guardians in the shape of Sheila and Brenda, as well as DCI Patricia Feeney to protect him.

And of course, when we come to the denouement, it’s Joe who pieces it all together.

The whole lot is delivered with a side serving of Joe and Brenda getting up to naughties, but again, as with all STAC Mysteries, we leave them at the bedroom door.

Here’s a snippet from The Chocolate Egg Murders. Brenda has hurried off to find Easter eggs the trio can give to charity, leaving Joe and Sheila in the Winter Gardens café discussing the recently revealed intimacy between Joe and Brenda.

“Ever since Colin died, Brenda has done her best to enjoy herself.” Sheila’s lips tightened. “I don’t always approve, but it’s her life to lead as she sees fit. She misses Colin, but I think his death brought home to her just how short life is. Peter’s death came as a shock to me. Even after the first heart attack, I thought he was on the mend. Colin’s was not a shock.”

“I remember. He was diagnosed a year before he died, wasn’t he?”

Sheila nodded. “A terrible, wasting disease. Her, er… oh, I don’t know. Her ways with men are, I think, a reaction to the way Colin died, and, of course, the way she was widowed so young. She knows that what happened to Colin can happen to any of us. He didn’t smoke, you know, and he drank only in moderation. He was fit and healthy, too. He looked after himself, and yet, the cancer still got to him. That must have had an effect on Brenda’s mindset. So she enjoys herself with an attitude that’s often mistaken for promiscuity.” Sheila narrowed her eyes on Joe. “She dates a number of men, but she doesn’t sleep with them all.”

“I know.” Joe took out his tobacco, his natural reaction to deeper debates. “If you’re worried that Brenda is simply freewheeling and I may be taking it more seriously, don’t.” He ran a fine line of tobacco along the V of the cigarette paper. “I had that Valentine’s date with Letty, if you remember. I liked her. She could maybe have become Mrs Joe Murray, mark two, but I remember saying to her that it would take a long time for me to come to such a decision.”

“Alison?” Sheila asked.

Licking the gummed edge of the paper, he completed the cigarette and dropped it into his shirt pocket for later consumption. “Yes. Alison. I loved her, you know… well, as close as I could come to loving anyone, but it all went wrong because of the Lazy Luncheonette. Living and working together just didn’t pan out. My old dad had the right answer. Ma never worked in the café. I did, so did our Arthur, before he cleared off to Oz, but my old queen stayed upstairs and kept house. She and Dad saw nothing of one another during the day. Maybe if I’d insisted Alison take a back seat, we could have survived, but…” He sighed again. “I got it wrong, Sheila. I thought it would save on the wage bill if Alison worked with me. It did, but it wrecked our life together.” A semi-humorous gleam came into his eye. “I’m not about to rush into the same mistake again. For the time being, I’ll treat my time with Brenda the way she does. A bit of fun when we feel like it. Nothing more.”

Sheila, too, injected some humour into her voice. “I’m glad. I’ll be watching you both, so be good.”

“If I can’t be good, I’ll be careful.”

As with all the STAC Mysteries, The Chocolate Egg Murders is available as a paperback or as an e-book download in all formats, or direct from Crooked Cat Books in MOBI, EPUB and PDF formats

 

B is for Bacon & Eggs

 

Set back from the dual carriageway of Doncaster Road, Sanford, is Britannia Parade, a ramshackle row of shops harking back to the town’s glory days when the pit and the foundry worked at full capacity.

Sandwiched between Dennis’s Hardware & DIY and Patel’s Minimarket is The Lazy Luncheonette, a truckers café which has been Joe Murray’s home for his whole life. He was born here in the mid 1950s, when his father ran the place and it was known as Alf’s Café, the Murray family lived in the apartment above the café, and when Joe’s older brother Arthur emigrated to Australia sometime in the 1970s, it was down to Joe to maintain and eventually inherit the business. He has worked behind that counter ever since he left school: over forty years.

Joe had had other ambition. He wanted to be a policeman, but when he left school there were height restrictions. Men had to a minimum 5’8” tall, and Joe never aspired to anything beyond 5’6”. He has vented his irritation on everyone ever since.

The Lazy Luncheonette is a successful small business. With the passing of the coal mine and the foundry, and the coming of Sanford Retail Park, sited right behind the café, the clientele had changed but not diminished. These days, Joe and his crew cater for the draymen of the Sanford Brewery, the mechanics and administrators of Broadbent’s Auto Repairs on the industrial estate opposite, and the overspill of shoppers from the retail park.

Joe employs his nephew, Lee, as the cook. Lee, a gentle giant who was a useful prop for the Sanford Bulls Rugby League team before injury ended his career, is Arthur’s son, brought back from Australia when he was a child by his mother, and since then looked after by Joe.

The other two permanent member of the crew are Joe’s oldest friends, Sheila Riley and Brenda Jump, two widows who love making life hell for him, but would secretly march into hell to defend him. Along with Joe, the sometimes austere Sheila, with her intelligent analyses, and the fun-loving Brenda, with her homely observations, form the investigative triangle at the core of the STAC Mysteries.

And STAC itself? Its stands for The Sanford 3rd Age Club. Founded and managed by Joe, Sheila and Brenda, its 300+ members are never slow to travel and party, never slow to demonstrate that the best way to grow old is disgracefully.

And what of Joe, Sheila and Brenda? The 3rd Age Club gives them something to occupy their minds and free time, and usually tests their powers of observation and deduction whenever there is…

MURDER.

***

The STAC Mysteries are available as paperbacks and as e-book downloads in all formats, or direct from Crooked Cat Books in MOBI, EPUB and PDF formats

A is for All Aboard

 

A familiar enough phrase to all who have ever travelled by train or boat or even by bus, it could be the last thing that Joe calls out when the Sanford 3rd Age Club set off on another of their famous outings.

It would be entirely in context, too. Joe and his chums don’t exactly hark back to the age of steam, but they’re not too far ahead of it. They’re all baby boomers (like me) although they may have the odd member who born pre-World War Two, and they will all surely remember the great steam engines but they time they began to travel independently, steam will have been replaced by diesel on the railways, air travel would have become more accessible and affordable, and they would be equally at home in the cabin of a Boeing 737 as the carriage of an Inter-City 125.

These days, of course, they travel everywhere aboard a luxury coach, complete with toilets and, in one instance, on board satellite TV. A marked improvement on the old Bristol charabancs with wooden seats.

Most of the STAC Mysteries begin with the coach either leaving Sanford or arriving at the destination, and there is one thing these born again teenagers can be sure of when they set off: the outings are never boring. There’s a party atmosphere of drinking, dancing, and wooing, and inevitably there’s…

MURDER!

Stay with us for the next 26 days as we work out way through the alphabet with our friends from the Sanford 3rd Age Club.

***

The STAC Mysteries are available as paperbacks and as e-book downloads in all formats, or direct from Crooked Cat Books in MOBI, EPUB and PDF formats

The 2013 Blogging From A-Z Challenge

 

Tomorrow is April 1st: a busy, busy day. Not only is it Aprils Fools’ Day and Easter Monday, but it’s also the start of the 2013 Blogging from A-Z Challenge.

I did it last year and I’m doing it again this year, on a similar theme to last year: The STAC Mysteries.

The principle is quite simple. I post each day, and each post is themed on a different letter of the alphabet. Last year, I had only one STAC Mystery published with Crooked Cat, and three self-published titles. This year I have seven to play with, and an eighth in progress.

I’m not the only one doing it. As I write, there are getting on for 1,700 bloggers registered for the challenge, and some of them are friends from the Crooked Cat author’s litter: Nancy Jardine, Ailsa Abraham, Kim Walker, and Tom Gillespie.

As a reader (and for me as a writer) you get Sundays off. If there is a post on Sundays, it will not be part of the A-Z Challenge.

So pop along tomorrow for the start of the challenge, and stay tuned for the entire month of April.

Looking forward to it.

***

The STAC Mysteries are available for download direct from Crooked Cat Books in MOBI, EPUB and PDF formats.

 

Happy Easter? You Bet

Today sees the start of the Easter long weekend, and I’ve plenty of news to catch up on.

Regular reader will know the name Maureen Vincent-Northam. This lady edits all my work, and you have to feel sorry for her. She is the one who sees the raw manuscripts, complete with typos and plot holes large enough to drive a London double decker bus through.

Well Mo is not just an editor, but a writer, too. Co-author (along with Lorraine Mace) of the Writer’s ABC Checklist, and author of the genealogy guide, Trace Your Roots.

Mo also writes children’s fiction, and now she’s turned out an exciting little adventure for the Kindle, Black Dog’s Treasure.

It’s FREE for the rest of today, so if you wanna keep your reading kids happy, cut over to Amazon and download this excellent little book.

Also in the news this morning, Catriona King, a fellow Crooked Cat author.

One of the secrets to picking up a following as an author is to write more books. Catriona has done just that and today sees the launch of The Visitor, her third novel in the DCI Craig series. As with all Crooked Cat launches, there’s a party on Facebook and I’m sure everyone is welcome.

Finally, I can’t start tucking into my bacon sandwiches and chocolate eggs, without mentioning The Chocolate Egg Murders.

This is the seventh in my popular STAC Mysteries series, and you don’t need to be a genius to work out that it’s set around Easter time. It was released one week and two days ago, and right away made its way into the UK Kindle/crime, mystery & thriller/British Detectives top 100.

Two days ago, it reached the top ten and climbed into the top 1,000 books overall. Yesterday evening, it stood at number 5 in British Detectives and a staggering #444 in the overall Amazon rankings. This morning it is still in the top 500 of the overall rankings at number 487, still at number 5 in British Detectives, and I am not only delighted but astonished.

Whisper is, Joe is so pleased that the drinks are on him at the Miner’s Arms tonight, but when I asked, he said it was nothing more than a scurrilous rumour, probably started by Brenda who is determined to find where he hides his money.

Yet Another Chart Surprise

It’s exactly one week since The Chocolate Egg Murders, the seventh STAC Mystery, was released, and at six o’clock this it had moved into the top 1,000 books overall, and is sitting at number 854 as I write.

That may not sound very impressive, but consider it this way. Amazon Kindle UK lists about 1,700,000 (one million seven hundred thousand) ebooks. My little whodunit is in the top 0.05% of that pile.

We’re not just talking whodunits, we’re talking everything: romance, historical, contemporary, horror, sci-fi, YA, nonfiction… the lot.

Pleased? Ever so slightly.

It set the seal on what was a topsy-turvy day for me yesterday. I’ve been unwell for some weeks, and investigations showed nothing. My blood sugar is under control, the weather has been playing the merry hell with my arthritis, but I’ve kept indoors and warm for much of the time, and I’ve had no infections to speak of, so the lethargy, lack of energy and general fatigue remained as big a mystery as The Chocolate Egg Murders.

Then yesterday afternoon, a set of blood results came through and fingered the culprit. Vitamin and mineral deficiency; specifically, folic acid and iron. Not difficult to put right, and I’m now on ‘the cure’.

That perked me up and to put a little jam on it, The Chocolate Egg Murders moved up to number 8 in the Mystery/British Detectives top 100.

This morning, getting out of bed, with snow falling outside yet again, it looked as if the jam might be swept away, but no. Instead, I got an extra helping of cream with the Chocolate Egg’s progress

British Detectives top 100: number 7

Overall chart: number 854

Joe was interviewed on Cathie Dunn’s Blog yesterday, but it was before all this, so he never commented. I’ve now heard a rumour that he’s so chuffed, he’s knocking 20% off the price of a sausage butty at the Lazy Luncheonette, but I find that hard to believe.

The STAC Mysteries are proving surprisingly popular. As part of the Crooked Cat Sale, most are priced at  77p. A Murder for Christmas stood second best at number 21 in the mystery/British Detectives chart last night, and this morning, the second highest placed is Murder at the Murder Mystery Weekend. All seven titles are in the top 50 of that chart.

It’s gratifying, but it also means that Joe, Sheila, Brenda and Co are going to be taking up more and more of my time. Joe’s already told me what’s happening at Christmas.

I think it must be the snow on the ground that prompted him to think about it.

***

The Chocolate Egg Murders is available for download from:

Amazon (Kindle)

Smashwords (All formats)

Crooked Cat Books (MOBI, EPUB, PDF)

And in paperback from:

Amazon

A Top Ten Hit, An Easter Sale and Flatcap

It’s Monday again, and I have a few things to shout about.

First off, when I dragged my weary bones out of the pit this morning, I learned that the latest STAC Mystery, The Chocolate Egg Murders, had hit number 10 in the UK Kindle/Crime & Mystery/British Detectives top 100.

That’s no mean feat. I don’t publicise as aggressively as I used to and there’s some serious competition in the top strata of that chart: the likes of Agatha Christie, Conan Doyle, G.K  Chesterton and John Buchan, to name drop but a few. And somewhere very near the top is one of my favourites, M.C. Beaton’s Agatha Raisin.

With the odd exception, all the Sanford 3rd Age Club Mysteries can be found in that top 100, but to rise to the top 10 is quite pleasing, especially less than a week after release.

The Chocolate Egg Murders is one of the titles which is exempted from the Crooked Cat Easter sale, which is on right now and goes through to the 28th. Crooked Cat decided that since it was only released last week, it would be unfair on those who bought early, to knock the price down now.

By and large, however, the rest of the Crooked Cat catalogue is knocking out at about 77p…ish. As I write, it’s Kindle only, so if you want to save money on outstanding tales like Tom Gillespie’s Painting by Numbers, Frances di Plino’s Bad Moon Rising, Catriona’s King’s DCI Craig series, get onto Amazon, and search for Crooked Cat Publishing. It’ll bring up all their Kindle titles.

Finally, Flatcap is at it again. He’s put out another volume, and this one is not for the faint-hearted. It’s…

Flatcap’s Guide to Sex

Your favourite barfly has turned his attention to the carnal and he’s giving it away FREE today and tomorrow. And boy does he know what he’s talking about.

Well, no, actually, he doesn’t, and to prove it, here’s a sample of his wisdom.

Believe it or not, sex has many different roles to play in our lives, but there is one overriding imperative.

To sell cars.

Think about it. Every car advert you see has some classy, shapely bag in it. She is your kind of woman. You would definitely climb over the missus and her toy boy to get at this bint. If it’s a small car, she’s driving it and giving every sad sack on the street the come on. If it’s a high-powered job, i.e. a man’s car, she’s drooling all over the clown behind the wheel, desperate for him to rip her knickers off and give her what for on the back seat.

When these adverts come on the telly, Her Indoors sits there ogling the driver’s pecs and drifting off into a bit of imaginary. This bears little resemblance to reality. She won’t let me in the same bed, never mind into her pipe until I’ve had a shave, yet the guy on the telly hasn’t even bothered to pack his razor.

The implication in these adverts is so obvious, I shouldn’t really be spelling it out, but I have at least one line I need to get on here. They’re saying that if you spend £20-30K on a jam jar, you’ll have every chick in town begging you for a ride in it, in exchange for which you get a ride in her.

Laugh? I nearly went out and bought a Porsche. If you parked one of those cars outside the off licence on our estate, far from getting your legover, the bastards would have the wheels off it before you came back out of the shop, and by the time the filth turned up, the alloys would be up for sale on Ebay. And that’s only the women. The men would have had the engine out stripped for spares and the rest sold as scrap.

Want to know more?

It’s all in Flatcap’s Guide to Sex, exclusive to Amazon Kindle and it’s FREE today and tomorrow.

STAC 7 Unleashed

Today sees the release of STAC Mystery #7, The Chocolate Egg Murders. If you want some fun, there’s a party on Facebook, and you’re welcome to come along.

Unlike my alter ego Flatcap who will take any and every opportunity to drink free beer and scoff free pies, I’ve never been a big lover of these events. The day tends to drag on, and people drift in and out because unlike Flatcap and me, they have real lives and real work to deal with. Because I write full time, I can usually wander through my fantasy worlds at leisure. On launch days, I can’t.

But after the success of My Deadly Valentine, I’ve been anticipating this launch, and it hasn’t disappointed.

As I write, it’s 6:20 in the morning, and The Chocolate Egg Murders is already in the UK Kindle, British Detectives top 100 at number 69… my favourite position.

Here is a brief extract from the book.

Joe, Sheila and Brenda are in the bar of the Leeward Hotel, with Virginia Nicholson, the woman who accidentally threw a chocolate egg and hit Joe earlier in the day.

*

Joe spent several minutes explaining the principle of the Sanford 3rd Age Club and their respective roles in it. At the end of his little lecture, Ginny was suitably impressed.

“I think that’s damn nice of you, looking after a load of crumblies.”

“Crumblies?” Joe was so astonished, he almost dropped his glass. He waved at the room with his free hand. “Lemme tell you something, Ginny. You’re surrounded by the biggest set of born again teenagers, sex and beer mad thugs, you’re likely to meet this side of a Hell’s Angels’ convention.”

“Crumbling they are not,” Brenda agreed.

Sheila tittered. “Except for Sylvia Goodson.”

“And Alma Norris.”

The two women collapsed into fits of giggles.

“You’ll have to excuse ’em, Ginny. They’re in the early stages of senility.”

“Well, if they’re all as fit as you reckon, maybe they should be out on the Great Egg Hunt in Clifftop Park, tomorrow.”

“We will be there,” Sheila assured her. “And so will Joe, but we had to twist his arm—”

“And his wallet,” Brenda interrupted. “He’s too tired and too tight, y’see.”

Ginny laughed. “Well, I hope you score plenty of eggs. But I’m warning you, they won’t be easy to find.”

“And how would you know that?” Joe asked.

“Because I’m supplying them,” she replied. “My bit for charity, you know. More than that, I have to be in Clifftop Park at half past eight tomorrow morning to hide them.”

*

How many eggs will they find? What else might they turn up?

***

The Chocolate Egg Murders, the seventh STAC Mystery is available for download from:

Amazon (Kindle)

Smashwords (All formats)

Crooked Cat Books (MOBI, EPUB, PDF)

And in paperback from:

Amazon

By DW Rob

Humour a New STAC and Chart News

Tomorrow sees the release of The Chocolate Egg Murders, the seventh STAC Mystery.

I won’t give anything away, but in common with its predecessors, there’s a vein of light humour running through the tale: innuendo, double entendres and Joe’s acerbic, often comic outlook on life, love and not spending money.

Flatcap, another of my comic creations, is a natural extension to Joe, but Flatcap goes to greater extremes. Flatcap is not only opinionated, but quite happy to share those opinions with the rest of the world and the tap room of the Jolly Carter, whether they want to hear it or not.

Last week, I released Flatcap’s Guide to UK Holidays on an unsuspecting world, and made it free for a couple of days. Once the free period as over, the price went up to an unbelievable 77 pence, and it’s selling like warmcakes.

It’s currently number 26 in Amazon’s Humor/Parenting & Families chart, and number 91 in Humor/Love, Sex & Marriage.

With that in mind, Flatcap will soon be giving you the benefit of his dubious wisdom on the subject of…

SEX

Time, I think, to put on the tin hat and hit the trenches.

***

The Chocolate Egg Murders, the 7th STAC Mystery from Crooked Cat Books, is released tomorrow, Wednesday March 20th. Come along and join the Facebook launch party.

***

Flatcap’s Guide to UK Holidays is exclusive to the Amazon Kindle