S. Evan Townsend's Blog, page 124

Beta Number Two

Over the weekend I got back my second "beta" where someone read my work in progress (WIP) and made suggestions.  This person (another published author) had a very good comment about my violating a character's character.  And she was right.  So this involved some re-writing and revising and now the novel is an amazing 88,000 words long.  That makes it the third longest novel I've written after Hammer of Thor (about 129,000 words) and an as-of-yet unpublished novel (100,000 words).  And to be honest, Thor was two novels I mashed together.

She pointed out that something that made me realize I had an inconsistency in this novel with something that happened in Hammer of Thor.  So I had to fix that, too.

She also pointed out I tend to use passive voice more than is recommended for fiction writing but that it seems to be part of my distinct voice" (as she called it) and she usually didn't notice unless it was glaring.

So I'm finding this beta process useful.  She also found a couple of errors, said some encouraging things, and said overall she really liked it.  One more beta to go.  He told me Friday I need to nag him every few days.  I already did once so I'll wait until tomorrow to do it again.

Movie Reviews: Jack Reacher and Gangster Squad

Last night I watched Gangster Squad on Blu-ray.  On Tuesday I watched Jack Reacher (it's a two-movie week per my method of keeping Netflix from "throttling" me).

Both movies were crime dramas but they were vastly different films.

Jack Reacher is set in modern times.  It has twists and turns and is well made and well written (I understand it's based on a book).  It stars Tom Cruise who also produced.  The biggest problem I had was Tom Cruise being an amazing hand-to-hand fighter.  He's a small guy and doesn't come off as being that tough.  He suits his Mission Impossible role better (smart guy, tough enough when needed).  But in this film his character fights off five guys at one point.  I was starting to get a little unhappy with the plot as it was starting to look like "evil corporation" but instead it was evil guy doing his bad stuff through a corporation.  Yes, there's a difference. And Reacher's backstory as explained in the movie is a bit incredible. On Netflix I gave it three stars.  I would have given it 3.5 but there's no option for that.  I understand there's more books so there may be more movies.

(And I like Tom Cruise and have ever since Risky Business.  I don't know why people give him so much crap and say he's gay. I don't care if he's gay but I doubt he got all those beautiful women to marry him being gay.)

Despite its low Rotten Tomatoes score, I also got Gangster Squad.  Mostly because it looked fun (and I like Emma Stone).  And I love 1940s women's fashions and Stone looked amazing in this movie.  But the focus of the movie was action.  It's set in Los Angeles in 1949 when the chief of police had a cop set up a squad to go after a mobster.  Lots of gunfights, actions, explosions, a bit of gratuitous blood (it was rated R, Jack Reacher, the better movie, was rated PG-13).

The problem with Gangster Squad was some stilted dialogue, implausible events, and almost no character development.  It was like eye candy (or watching Emma Stone in that red dress), fun but not ultimately satisfying.  I gave it three starts on Netflix but I would have given it 2.5 but that's not an option.

At the beginning of Gangster Squad it says "Inspired by true events" and then according to the "goofs" section of the Internet Movie Database page on the movie, it pretty much got nothing right except the names and dates.  By that standard I could say Hammer of Thor is "inspired by true events" because World War II actually happened.

And I decided Ryan Gosling could play Michael Vaughan, the hero of Agent of Artifice , in the movie version.  If there ever is a movie version.

Movie Reveiws: Jack Reacher and Gangster Squad

Last night I watched Gangster Squad on Blu-ray.  On Tuesday I watched Jack Reacher (it's a two-movie week per my method of keeping Netflix from "throttling" me).

Both movies were crime dramas but they were vastly different films.

Jack Reacher is set in modern times.  It has twists and turns and is well made and well written (I understand it's based on a book).  It stars Tom Cruise who also produced.  The biggest problem I had was Tom Cruise being an amazing hand-to-hand fighter.  He's a small guy and doesn't come off as being that tough.  He suits his Mission Impossible role better (smart guy, tough enough when needed).  But in this film his character fights off five guys at one point.  I was starting to get a little unhappy with the plot as it was starting to look like "evil corporation" but instead it was evil guy doing his bad stuff through a corporation.  Yes, there's a difference. And Reacher's backstory as explained in the movie is a bit incredible. On Netflix I gave it three stars.  I would have given it 3.5 but there's no option for that.  I understand there's more books so there may be more movies.

(And I like Tom Cruise and have ever since Risky Business.  I don't know why people give him so much crap and say he's gay. I don't care if he's gay but I doubt he got all those beautiful women to marry him being gay.)

Despite its low Rotten Tomatoes score, I also got Gangster Squad.  Mostly because it looked fun (and I like Emma Stone).  And I love 1940s women's fashions and Stone looked amazing in this movie.  But the focus of the movie was action.  It's set in Los Angeles in 1949 when the chief of police had a cop set up a squad to go after a mobster.  Lots of gunfights, actions, explosions, a bit of gratuitous blood (it was rated R, Jack Reacher, the better movie, was rated PG-13).

The problem with Gangster Squad was some stilted dialogue, implausible events, and almost no character development.  It was like eye candy (or watching Emma Stone in that red dress), fun but not ultimately satisfying.  I gave it three starts on Netflix but I would have given it 2.5 but that's not an option.

At the beginning of Gangster Squad it says "Inspired by true events" and then according to the "goofs" section of the Internet Movie Database page on the movie, it pretty much got nothing right except the names and dates.  By that standard I could say Hammer of Thor is "inspired by true events" because World War II actually happened.

And I decided Ryan Gosling could play Michael Vaughan, the hero of Agent of Artifice , in the movie version.  If there ever is a movie version.

Radio Interview

Today at 7:30 P.M. EDT (4:30 P.M. PDT) I will be interviewed on Bab's Book Bistro on Blog Talk Radio.  I'm going to be talking about writing and my books and whatever else comes up.  So tune in and call in if you have a question.  It's going to be fun!

Jerks

Well, I have discovered what is to me, a new internet scam.  Take a look at this screen capture:
So one would think, "Hey, this topblogstories site must like my posts a lot."  And you're curious which posts they linked to so you click the link . . . and it sends you someplace else. I've seen on Google that it sends you to porn sites.  I clicked the link and saw it was forwarding to something I didn't want to see (judging from the URL) so I closed the browser fast.

What really annoys me is this is distorting my pageviews so I don't really know how many I've had.  I'm hoping these folks go away (I know, big mistake to click the link).  So I'm warning you, if you see this in your "Traffic Sources" do not click it!

Sunday Six: Home

Today's Sunday Six is the last six sentences in Rock Killer :

Mr. Kijoto, for the first time in many years, moved to greet someone first.

Then Alex had to talk to each SRI officer, followed by the black man.  Alex finally reached Mitchel and the two men pounded each other on the back like the old friends they were.

Then, Alex turned to his wife.  Ignoring Mitchel, Banda, Kijoto and the other SRI officers, the other employees, and the press who blatantly beamed the live pictures around the world, husband and wife wrapped themselves together into their own, safe universe.

Betas

I've never had "beta readers" before. These are folks, usually other writers, who read your manuscript and make suggestions to improve it.  I was a little nervous because I had no experience with this.  I did think that if I didn't like their advice I could blow it off but still, it was a bit nerve-wracking as this was the first time anyone would have seen my work outside my circle of family and friends who proofread for me.  This is for my "work in progress" Gods of Strife, the fourth book in the Adept Series.

I got the first beta back yesterday.  And I have to say, it was a good experience. The woman pointed out a few typos and misspellings.  But she also had constructive criticism of some poor sentence construction and confusing things.

I didn't take all her advice.  If the other two betas say similar things, I'll look into it.  But some stuff I thought was a little like "if you'd read it more carefully, you'd understand what I'm trying to say here."  And she said she was still worried a character was safe after my main character had practically said, "Oh, yes, he's safe now (and in bed with a woman)."  If the other two betas have similar concerns, I'll look it over.

So over all, I'm finding beta reads to be useful.

Sunday Six: On the Way Home

Today's Sunday Six comes from Chapter Nineteen of Rock Killer :

Alex Chun sat in the employee lounge, sipping water.  He hoped he'd keep that down.  His space sickness was unusually acute.  He tried to distract himself by looking out the window at the Mediterranean 400 kilometers below.  He could see Italy, the Adriatic, and the Greek islands, where Odysseus had labored to return home for–what was it, ten years?  How many of his crew did he lose on that trip? Alex wondered.

Giveaway

On Monday (the 20th) I'll be giving away a free signed copy of one of my novels to one lucky person. Sign up at my website: www.sevantownsend.com.

Flash Fiction

Here's a story I wrote a while back. More of a vignette. Different from my usual science fiction and fantasy writing. This is first draft, never been revised (I can see right now I use the word "bar" way too often):

    I slipped in the door, out of the rain, and into a gloom more pervasive than the darkness outside.  A layer of blue smoke hung from the low ceiling.  A T.V. over the bar that no one was watching was showing a prize fight.  Men were hunkered down over the bar, as if trying to keep it from moving.  I saw one woman in a booth, old but trying to look young, talking to a man who was staring into his drink.  But the place was far from crowded and there were plenty of seats at the bar.
    I shuffled slowly to the bar, finding an empty vinyl-covered stool, and sat down and looked for the bartender, pushing my hat back on my head.  There was a man next to me in a grey overcoat, the collar pulled up around His neck.  I glanced at him as he held a drink in both his hands and dismissed him just as quickly.
    "What'll be, mac?" the bartender finally asked looking at me with small eyes in a pudgy face.  The cauliflower ear made me assume he used to be a boxer.
    "Rye, on the rocks," I said, sliding a buck across the wood of the bar.  He took it and with a practiced move brought back both my change and my drink.
    I took a sip and let the alcohol warm me as it burned down my throat.
    I was on my third sip, starting to feel the warmth spread to my extremities, when the man next to me said something.
    Almost automatically I said, "Pardon?"
    The man turned at looked at me with strong grey eyes.  He was older than me and in his eyes I saw a depth of pain and sorrow.  He looked at me for a long moment, as if debating if I was worthy of his consideration.
    "I was committing suicide," he said again, so low I could barely hear him.
    I was about to brush him off when I noticed the flash of sky blue and white stars under his coat.  Since the war everyone in the country recognizes the ribbon of a Medal of Honor.
    "I'm sorry?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.
    He followed my eyes and knew I'd seen the ribbon.  I didn't know why he was wearing his medal.
    "Ceremony today at city hall, honoring vets," he said to my unspoken question.  "V-E Day."  I felt foolish not knowing that.  It hadn't been that long since the war.
    I nodded and looked at him.  "You said something about suicide?"  I'm not sure why I asked.  Something in his eyes held me transfixed.
    "Yes," he said simply.  "They were all down."
    "They?"
    "My squad.  Everyone of them but me was hit.  Some were dead already."
    He looked away from me then, and I knew he was seeing not the bar, not cigarette smoke, but the war.
    "We were supposed to clear out this section of this town in France.  Clear out all the Germans.  We came to the bottom of a hill and the Nazis were dug in up the hillside looking down on us.  I ordered my squad to deploy along a wall as I assessed the tactical situation.  As they were moving a mortar struck and took out my fire team . . . the whole team."
    His voice cracked at that.  Men had died under his command.
    "The maneuver team was stunned and didn't move for what seemed ages but must have been just moments.  But it was long enough, the Germans shot every one of them."
    I could see the pain in his eyes then.  He looked away for a moment as if to hide it.  I just waiting, my drink suddenly unimportant to me now.
    "I didn't want to live," he said.  "So I charged up the hill with my tommy gun, attacking the German positions.  I went through three magazines and was shot twice, but I took out all the Germans."
    He paused, looked at me again.
    "They said I saved the lives of my squad members who were wounded.  They said I was brave."  He scoffed.  "I was trying to die."