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THE WALKING DEAD Recap: Negan Tells Carl to “Sing Me a Song”

Editor’s note: This post contains spoilers for the latest episode of The Walking Dead! Proceed with caution, survivors. For reals, if you haven’t yet watched this week’s episode, “Sing Me a Song,” we highly suggest you do so before proceeding. Okay? We good? Let’s go.

Welcome back to another recap of The Walking Cartoon Fascist. In this week’s episode, we remember how much we didn’t miss the title character when he was absent in last week’s “Swear”.

But I dislike calling Negan a cartoon. Because, as animation aficionados well know, cartoons are capable of incredible depth. Negan, on the other hand, is just a one-dimensional portrait of sadism. “Sing Me a Song” reminds us of this–just in case we didn’t pick up on it the very first time we met him last season–over and over and over again.

This time around, the season 7 Big Bad has designs on Carl, who infiltrates Negan’s Sanctuary with Jesus, a far more sensible character since he sits out most of this episode’s proceedings. Half of which involve Negan trying to bring Carl to the dark side, tempting him with the power he has over his men and a visit to his harem. (He even gives him a beer in case we missed the point.) But since the one-eyed boy wonder takes out two of his men with a machine gun, the other half of their time together is spent with Negan telling him how ugly and gross his missing eye makes him look. So why doesn’t Negan just waste Carl? Because he’s addicted to power, which he all but admits when he says, “It’s more fun to break you.” That doesn’t spare us from being subjected to an interminably long scene of Negan interrogating his “wives” to see if one of them cheated on him with one of their exes. Of course he finds out they did did, and burns her lover’s face with a red-hot iron as punishment, rambling on yet again about the importance of following rules.

I can handle all the zombie gore this show can throw at me, but if I have to watch human beings mutilate other human beings (or, in the case of Negan, a facsimile thereof) in what purports to be a serious drama I’d prefer it not be too gratuitous. Yet watching Mark pass out as the flesh from his cheek sticks to Negan’s iron, the sociopath slowly pulling it away, topped off with yet another of his flippant observations that his victim pissed himself, well, here we’ve exited the misery porn of Season 7 and entered the zone of torture porn, a loathsome horror subgenre to which The Walking Dead originally served as a blissful alternative when it first premiered. Though at least some torture porn movies try to impart a moral lesson, however trite such lessons might be. In this case, I’m not sure what our takeaway is supposed to be, other than the fact that dictators are assholes.

Elsewhere in this universe of gloom… Rosita, rather than pay her “taxes,” is still after Eugene to make a bullet with which to take out Negan. But Michonne’s way ahead of her, having already captured one of his people and secured a ride to the Sanctuary. Daryl, meanwhile, has a secret admirer (most likely Dwight or Sherry) who’s left him with a means of getting the hell out of there. And not a minute too soon, because of all the characters who’ve been abused this season, Daryl most wears it like a kicked puppy. If I ever have to watch him serve cheese to Negan in his brothel again, I will go stark raving mad.

“Sing Me a Song” ends with Negan again visiting Alexandria, with Carl in tow, where he both fat-shames and sexually abuses Olivia, before trying once more to bond with the kid during a music montage that’s painful for how desperately it wants to be funny. It’s all topped off with Negan sitting on Rick’s porch kissing Judith’s forehead while telling Carl he might bury him and Rick in their flower bed.

Hey, I’m not opposed to the idea. Provided he makes room for this miserable season.

Undead Afterthoughts

— When those two walkers approached Michonne from behind, I was really hoping she’d found some new pets.

— “Sing Me a Song” is yet another season 7 episode that runs waaaay longer than it needs to. Seriously, most of that harem scene could have been cut without losing anything.

— Somehow pairing Negan with Carl makes him look even more childish. Love him or hate him, the kid comes off far more mature than the leather-jacketed bore, especially when he gets lines like, “You see that respect? Cool, huh?!”

— “What you’re saying doesn’t make you a sinner. But it does make you a tremendous shit. But just for now. It doesn’t have to be terminal.” How weird is it that Father Gabriel is now the most likable person in Alexandria?

— I would have found Rosita’s verbal beat-down of Eugene unforgivable if she hadn’t cried a little while delivering it.

— “I’d like to take it back to awkward silence now.”

What did you think of this week’s episode? Let me know in the comments below or on Twitter (@JMaCabre).

Images: AMC

Are you more of a Negan person, or an Ezekiel person?

THE MUMMY Trailer Brings Universal Monsters Into Modern Day

When talk of Universal hoping to start a shared cinematic universe for its cadre of monsters — all from their horror movies in the early-30s forward — hit the webs, there was justifiable unease. It seemed all too easy for yet another studio to attempt the Marvel model, with their own stable of existing IP, and it certainly seemed after The Wolf-Man and Dracula Untold that people weren’t that interested. But those films weren’t Alex Kurtzman‘s vision for a universe, which begins in The Mummy headed to cinemas next June. After the trailer which dropped Sunday evening, I’m more than a little bit excited.

Kurtzman told a small group of journalists last week–myself among them–that The Mummy would need to exist as a standalone movie in its own right, but if it also could set up a greater universe at the same time, then great. The teaser feels like it’s half doing one thing and half doing the other; the opening bits show a huge action sequence in which Tom Cruise is among the folks transporting an Ancient Egyptian sarcophagus via cargo plane, only to be met with a plague of birds that causes the plane to crash. Seems the Mummy–played by Sofia Boutella–was not one to disturb.

I thought this scene was tense and exciting in a way I wasn’t expecting from a movie called The Mummy, and following it up with Cruise being the only one of the bodies to sit up in the morgue was a great bit of horror.

Then, we’re introduced to Russell Crowe‘s Dr. Jekyll, who seems to be the Nick Fury of this particular cinematic universe, a figure who knows what’s going on and runs some kind of organization meant to fight the monsters. Kurtzman told us that having Jekyll as a character in the film was not just a grab at the larger universe, but someone who they were going to use for the films at some point who could provide a mirror and counterpoint to the kind of untrustworthy hero that Cruise will be.

Oh, and the Mummy? Kurtzman told us that she’s cursed Cruise’s character, making it very likely his loyalty to the new group will be in question. She’s going to have some kind of psychic hold over him and he’ll be forced to do some bidding.

Overall, a completely different tone and style of The Mummy from any yet produced, and for a brand new world of Gods and Monsters, doing something new with an age-old title is going to be integral.

What do you think? Will The Mummy be your cup of horror tea? Let us know in the comments below!

Images: Universal

Miss Piggy Begins a New ‘Missadventure’ With Zosia Mamet in Kate Spade New York Promo

The latest TV incarnation of The Muppets may be over, but Miss Piggy isn’t going to let that get in the way of her comeback! The Muppets‘ ultimate diva has already lined up a new gig with Kate Spade New York, for which she’s co-starring in a new webisode with actress Zosia Mamet.

Via Adweek, the latest installment of the web series Missadventure finds Miss Piggy and Mamet on the way to a party at the top of the Empire State Building. Unfortunately for the two ladies, they’ve committed a fashion mishap: they’re wearing the same designer outfit to the same party. Of course, Miss Piggy claimed that she and Mamet had an agreement in place that would only let Piggy use that ensemble, but she can’t be trusted! Anyone familiar with Miss Piggy knows that she can be a little “reality challenged” when it comes to her favorite subject: herself. Fashion blogger Leandra Medine also made a cameo in the video, but neither Mamet nor Piggy paid much attention to her.

In the end, Miss Piggy and Mamet managed to find some common ground after a few annoyed and even angry exchanges between them. That’s not all! Miss Piggy also filmed a few additional videos for the Kate Spade New York Youtube channel, including this one about her experience filming Missadventure and her personal sense of style. Regarding Miss Piggy’s morning routine of kissing the mirror, we are absolutely not surprised.

What did you think about Miss Piggy’s latest fashion foray? Channel your inner Statler and Waldorf before leaving a comment below!

Image: Kate Spade New York

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Salutes Christmas’ Other Savior, The Re-Gifted Candle, in Song

One of the first things I learned as a married man is that I am now required to go to Walmart the day after Christmas and pick up as many scented candles and lotions as I can, for some day we may need them as a gift for…well, we don’t know yet. But when we do, wouldn’t it be embarrassing not to have anything ready? “The Christmas Candle,” which aired last night on Saturday Night Live, is an honest ode to the many times such a preemptive purchase will make the holiday season just that much brighter. As a bonus, it let host Emma Stone sing some more, presumably to reassure audiences that they need to see her in La La Land.

Now, while my wife Julia found the skit hilarious and close to home, she insisted that I offer the following caveat to all the folks who may not know: there are different levels of candles. According to her, a thoughtfully chosen Yankee Candle is a gift to be grateful for, and furthermore, one that indicates generosity on the part of the giver. It is not to be confused with a $9 peach candle, as seen in the video above. However, if all you have is nine bucks, it’s still a safer bet than wine. Nobody’s going to tell you, “Oh no, I don’t do candles. I’m on a no-wax scent purge.” And they can always re-gift the thing too.

How many candles did you give out last year? Was it more than you received? Do you disagree about Yankee Candles? Let’s discuss in comments.

Image: NBC

RESIDENT EVIL 7’s PS4 Demo Gets a Major Update

Next month, Capcom’s signature survival horror series will return with Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (or Biohazard 7: Resident Evil, depending which side of the Pacific you live on). However, fans won’t have to wait long to explore the new title. The PS4 demo received a massive update this weekend, with Xbox One and PC gamers slated to receive the same update later this month!

While Resident Evil 7 will maintain continuity with the previous titles in the series, it’s essentially a fresh start with a new lead character and setting. This time around, our playable hero is Ethan Winters, a man whose search for his wife, Mia, has brought him to a rundown plantation mansion in Louisana that happens to be the home of the Baker family. Judging from what we’ve seen so far, the Bakers don’t appear to be fully human anymore. They’re probably not zombies, but we aren’t entirely sure what they are.

Although the update has only been out for less than a day, gamers have already found two new endings for the demo, as well as a new basement area, and new items. Presumably the demo will also have more secrets to discover before the final version of the game hits on January 24, 2017. The updated Resident Evil 7 demo will hit Xbox One on December 9, with the PC demo following on December 19.

Additionally, Gamespot is reporting that Capcom teased a Resident Evil 7 DLC expansion at this weekend’s Playstation Experience. The DLC is apparently called “Banned Footage,” and the trailer may be released soon.

Are you excited to explore the new Resident Evil 7 demo? Grab a weapon and share your thoughts in the comment section below!

Image: Capcom

What Should We Expect From LUKE CAGE Season 2?

Sweet Christmas! Now this is the right way to kick off the holiday season. It has now been officially confirmed that Luke Cage is getting a second season, joining Daredevil and Jessica Jones as the third straight Marvel show to get a renewal from Netflix. Pressure’s on, Iron Fist!

The announcement came as a video on twitter, which revealed that Pop’s Barbershop has apparently been rebuilt, and Luke Cage season 2 is coming “soon.”

Always forward. #LukeCage pic.twitter.com/4pnu52KFKr

— Luke Cage (@LukeCage) December 4, 2016

Although, we would say that it probably won’t be coming that “soon.” Netflix already has Iron Fist, The Defenders, and The Punisher on deck for 2017, with the second season of Jessica Jones and the third season of Daredevil likely to follow in 2018. The superhero landscape is getting crowded at Netflix, but we love it!

There are spoilers ahead for the first season of Luke Cage. If you didn’t make it all the way through the season, you should probably finish it before reading the rest of this post. You’ve been warned!

The first season of Luke Cage ended on a down note, with the title character being returned to jail. However, his friend, Bobby Fish, found the file that could prove Luke’s innocence. We expect that to be the explanation for Luke’s appearance in The Defenders alongside the rest of the heroes. In season 2, we may finally see a Luke who no longer has to worry about his freedom being taken away. He’s been embraced by the people of Harlem in a unique way that the other Netflix heroes can’t match. It should be interesting to explore Luke’s relationship with Harlem in the new season.

Naturally, there are two major lingering threads waiting for Luke, once he gets out of jail. Mariah Dillard now appears to have control over Diamondback’s criminal empire, with Shades as her right-hand man. They outmaneuvered Luke in the first season, and he’s bound to try to take them down once and for all. But the bigger problem for Luke may still be his half-brother, Diamondback. Noah Burstein, the doctor who inadvertently gave Luke his super powers, was last seen getting ready to begin experimenting on Diamondback as well. If it works for Diamondback, what’s to stop Burstein from creating even more super strong criminals for his research?

The good news is that Luke probably won’t be alone this time. The unlikely friendship between Luke Cage and Iron Fist has been a part of the Marvel Universe for decades. Iron Fist‘s alter ego, Danny Rand, is likely to meet Luke for the first time during The Defenders miniseries. But now that Luke Cage is getting a fresh set of episodes, it seems like the ideal time to start establishing that friendship in the MCU. Plus, if the Netflix series continue to emulate the formula of the MCU, it’s entirely possible that Daredevil and Jessica Jones could also make appearances in the new season of Luke Cage.

What do you want to see in Luke Cage season 2? Let’s discuss in the comment section below!

Image: Marvel TV/Netflix

Now, about Luke Cage’s skin…

Watch Jennifer Aniston Confront “Rachel from FRIENDS” on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

You know the cast of Saturday Night Live will generally promote upcoming movies that they’re in, but this time they came up with a connection you might not have seen coming. Since both Vanessa Bayer and Jennifer Aniston are part of the cast of the upcoming Office Christmas Party (also starring Kate McKinnon), the Friends star took the time to intrude on an impersonation of her–Bayer’s long-standing bit as “Rachel” which not only includes a pitch-perfect “worried Aniston” impersonation, but also a knowing spoof of the numerous times the show would use cutaways and establishing shots to mark the passage of time (fans of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room will be familiar with how this technique can go into extremely excessive overuse).

When the two Rachels collide, it’s not instantly harmonious, but eventually they find a common pitch, all while confusing the hell out of Colin Jost with their collective power of time jumps. (Hey, maybe Rachel was actually from Gallifrey all along!) The ostensible point of the appearance–’90s nostalgia reboots–is completely forgotten, but you might call that a central perk.

The trademark “Rachel” hairdo, all the rage in the ’90s, actually looks pretty good on Bayer now in wig form. If nothing else, maybe that’s part of the show which can get a modern reboot. It seems like a safer comeback than the concept of divorced, dorky guys having a pet monkey.

Was SNL “there for you” tonight? Should we refer to the collective Rachels as “Bayniston,” or “Vanessifer”? (That was a thing, once.) Don’t get stuck in second gear–our comments are there below to help make your month, or even your year.

Image: NBC

DIRK GENTLY Recap: “Weaponized Soul” Fired Up Some Entertaining Answers

Warning : This recap contains spoilers for this week’s episode of Dirk Gently, so unless you have a time machine and can go back to stop yourself from reading this, don’t move forward until you watch it.

When your television show has an episode that revolves around a time-traveling steampunk vigilante showing up to a murder scene where his future self is bitten in half by the soul of a hammherhead shark that lives in a kitten, you probably did something right. That’s why this week’s hour of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency from BBC America, titled “Weaponized Soul,” was the craziest yet, and also one of its best.

This episode felt like a finale, where almost all of the mysteries were completely unwrapped and explained in great detail (more on that in a minute), but without any resolutions. The entire goal of Patrick Spring–and the reason for all of this–was to save his daughter, but Lydia still remains a (literal) dog, and Gordon and his band of “not-aliens-but-really-just-old-hippies-with-magical-machine” idiots are still on the loose. Presumably next week’s actual season finale will give us some sort of conclusion for those stories, while also tying in Bart and Ken’s journey, Project Blackwing (though we won’t mind if it isn’t), and Amanda and Todd’s relationship.

But maybe not.

Because what we are watching is a time loop, one that has apparently happened over and over again, where Patrick Spring always fails to save his daughter, but sees himself die. It’s hard to imagine the show will end on such a dark and bleak note, where this strange, deadly sequence of events just continues on forever, but I wouldn’t put it past it either. Maybe everything is connected because everything lives in the same circle.

Also, even though we knew that time travel would play a role in all of this from very early in the series, when Todd was standing on the elevator and saw a second version of himself in a fur coat, the way the show integrated it was far more interesting and entertaining than most uses of time travel, especially since we learned that during everything we have seen Dirk knew he was inside a loop.

(Todd’s meltdown over that information seemed almost unfair to Dirk, since as we saw ourselves he wasn’t told very much by the other Dirk in their brief encounter. Also, Elijah Wood and Samuel Barnett were excellent in that scene, where their weird friendship seemingly came to an end. I don’t love everything about this adaptation of the Dirk Gently character, but it has nothing to do with Barnett, who has made the character likable in spite of how he is written.)

The time loop immediately required a major re-thinking about everything we had seen on the show so far (which Elijah Wood told us he was most excited about when we spoke to him at Comic-Con this summer), though with so much madness going on it’s still more fun to just kinda know enough to get by, rather than trying to reconstruct every single plot point in the timeline. It does seem that Gordon’s grand plan was to get both machines so he could go back in time and become Lux Dujour again, which makes his motives far more human than they might have seemed when we thought these “original souls” were something far different.

The timeline being as broad as it is was also a surprise with the revelation that Zachariah Webb, Edgar Spring, and Patrick Spring were all the same person, just hopping through time. The entire sequence when Dirk explained everything that had happened to Patrick Spring, which included knowing the actions of the body-swapping hippies, definitely felt too convenient even for Dirk to have figured out, but it almost didn’t matter because it was so entertaining. This story is so nuts that finding out it was even crazier than we thought was worth it, even if we needed a big Sherlock Holmes-like explanation to get it all out in the open.

The show could have given a few more clues throughout the previous episodes to hint at the ties between the seemingly three different versions of Patrick Spring, but it was a fun enough discovery that it still worked, and also gives more weight to finding out how all of this will end, since the chance for the resolution being so dark gives everything more weight. All of the horrible things that have happened could be undone, or be doomed to happen forever. It doesn’t get much bigger than that.

We still have to see how the Rowdy 3 and Amanda’s visions factor into all of this, and how Bart and Ken’s parallel journey will connect to everything, but as for the “what” of the mysteries we got a lot of answers, and they were as fun as we had hope they would be. All that’s left is to see if Dirk and Todd are able to finally set things right in the universe.

So even if the finale won’t feature a steampunk time-traveling vigilante, we’re excited to see how it ends. If it ends.

But what did you think of this week’s episode? Don’t waste any time: travel into our comment section below and tell us what you thought.

Images: BBC America

STAR WARS REBELS Recap: The Rebels Get Help From “An Inside Man”

Warning: This recap contains spoilers for the Star Wars Rebels episode “An Inside Man.” Jump into hyperspace and away from this page if you haven’t watched the episode yet.

We haven’t seen the Ghost crew on Lothal for a while, but that doesn’t mean the Empire suddenly decided to leave the planet alone. If anything, their presence on the Outer Rim world appears to be stronger than ever in “An Inside Man.” Seeing signs with the Imperial cog around Lothal’s capital reminded me of Saw Gerrera’s quote in the Rogue One trailers: “Imperial flags reign across the galaxy.”

Ezra returned to his homeworld with his crew mates because they learned from Fulcrum the Empire was developing a top secret weapon in a Lothal factory. Ryder Azadi and Morad Sumar’s team had already infiltrated the facility to sabotage the speeders and walkers being made there, so they didn’t seem to have much trouble getting Ezra, Kanan, and Chopper on the employee list. But you know it couldn’t be so easy. Ezra and Kanan got in place just as Grand Admiral Thrawn, Governor Pryce, and Agent Kallus arrived.

It’s all well and good the resistance effort crippled Imperial ships with faulty manufacturing, but eventually, the Empire was going to notice. Thrawn had already started to connect Lothal with the Ghost, and I think his attention was more focused on the planet’s output. He had his eyes open for anything out of the ordinary. He told the gathered workers vehicles produced at the factory were manufacturing at unusually high rates. We’ve seen Thrawn show his might before, but he’s mostly been playing the long game rather than displaying force. Not this time. He made an example of one of the workers, an undercover Sumar, testing one of the sabotaged speeders. Thrawn was ruthless.

Given the evidence, Thrawn had to suspect Rebels were involved. He put the factory on lockdown in order to conduct a thorough investigation, which left Ezra and Kanan in a challenging position. Luckily, they had a disguised Chopper on their side. A couple of notes about that: they must have quite the stash of black and red paint on hand in order to give Chopper regular makeovers. It’s probably stored next to Sabine’s hair dye. And Chopper seems to be extra-talented sometimes. He gets them out of heaps of trouble. To help mark Chopper as unusually intelligent, Kallus commented on the droid’s particular competence. The remark helped in the believibility arena.

Kanan and Ezra pushed up their timetable for getting information about the weapon being built in A2. Extra security was posted in the area, but it wasn’t effective. The duo did find themselves in a pickle when it was time to leave A2, but they acquired the information they needed. As they searched for an escape, they ran into Kallus. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for him to announce he was Fulcrum. I’m pleased they didn’t keep the mystery dragging out too long. Kallus is at least partially Team Rebel now.

As you might have guessed after “The Antilles Extraction,” Agent Kallus is indeed Fulcrum. The trace of doubt seemed to be there before his time with Zeb on the ice moon, and seeing the galaxy from a rebel’s perspective was an important push. Zeb realized he probably had a part in recruiting the Imperial to their cause. I’m glad it wasn’t an instant turnaround with Kallus becoming Fulcrum in the very next episode. His switch took time, and I completely buy into it.

Kallus used his position to get Kanan and Ezra access to communications–this is when he complimented Chopper–and made it look like they overpowered him. Fortunately, Kallus has screwed up repeatedly over the course of the series. I can’t imagine his superiors would be surprised to learn the Jedi eluded him yet again. Wait. Has Kallus been failing on purpose all this time to cover up his role as a spy? Hmm. Regardless, I don’t think he’ll find Thrawn will let go of his mistake as quickly as other superiors have let him of the hook.

Thrawn knows there’s an Imperial traitor. He suspected Kanan and Ezra had help getting out. Kallus can’t pull wool over Thrawn’s eyes. I don’t know if anyone can. Thrawn’s taking it all in. The animators communicate so much with his eyes. You can tell he’s always studying, always absorbing, always menacing. His countenance as he studied graffiti left by Sabine and other art was nothing short of creepy. He gives me chills.

Once Kanan and Ezra got the information back to the rest of Phoenix Squadron, Sabine decrypted it. She found plans for a new model of TIE interceptor–one with shields. Ruh-roh.

Did you see the Kallus reveal coming? I’m a fan of the twist. Head to the comments to tell me your thoughts on Kallus and the whole episode.

Images: Disney XD

We told you Thrawn would be a big deal!

Play as ROGUE ONE’s Major Villain in New STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT DLC Trailer

With Rogue One: A Star Wars Story just over two weeks away from release, EA has offered up an advance look at the Rogue One themed DLC for Star Wars Battlefront. This is going to be the last expansion for Star Wars Battlefront, and it appears that the season pass is going to end with a wild battle for beach planet Scarif.

The new trailer for Star Wars Battlefront Rogue One: Scarif features a pitched encounter between the Rebels and the Empire that begins in space before heading down to the planet. Only a few of the Rebels make it past the planet’s defense shields, where they discover that the Empire is awaiting them with vastly superior numbers and weapons.

Rogue One‘s leading heroine, Jyn Erso, also makes her Battlefront debut in this clip, as one of the new playable characters for this expansion. She’ll be leading the Rebels through the beaches and the jungle, while charging the Imperial walkers and stormtroopers. On the other side is Director Orson Krennic, the new playable character for the Empire. While we doubt that Krennic will take such an active hand in Rogue One, the game presents him as a leader who is willing to personally lead the fight against the rebellion.

Additionally, the trailer shows off the Rebel U-wing in action, as it makes a very satisfying assault on the Empire’s ground forces. We love the way its wings move in flight, and we’re eager to see how it controls!

The Rogue One expansion is expected to be available to Star Wars Battlefront users via the season pass later this month.

What did you think about this trailer? Take aim and share your thoughts below!

Image: EA/Lucasfilm

Still got Rogue One questions? Us too.