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THE EXPANSE Recap: The Mormons Are Gonna Be Pissed

(Fair warning: This recap includes spoilers for  The Expanse that may send you crashing into the sun.)

After the careful and deliberate placing of all the pieces back on the dance floor last week, “Godspeed” was a deceptively complicated episode that took place almost entirely within the confines of one big mission.

The only real development outside of the attempt to blast Eros into a nearby sun was the bulldog session between Avasarala (Shohreh Aghdashloo), Errinwright (Shawn Doyle), and Mao (François Chau) wherein Errinwright proved himself to either be a blind incompetent or a truly bad schemer. It makes no sense that Avasarala would show her hand like this beyond the intimidation move of letting Mao know that she’s onto his dirty deeds and his UN partnership, but all of that sails right by Errinwright. It’s possible he was feigning ignorance in order to placate Mao, but Mao wasn’t having any of that either. It was a startling beauty contest between corporate efficiency and government bungling, and now the public knows all about the Protogen connection to the derelict ship.

But let’s get to the real meat of the episode, which brought the band back together to do one more ridiculously insane job. In a way, it felt a bit repetitive to ping pong back and forth between semi-militaristic undertakings from the relative safety of OPA HQ, but the end result was excellent—providing a profoundly real emotional confrontation for Holden (Steven Strait) and a path toward redemption for Miller (Thomas Jane).

After all agreeing that they need to commandeer the largest ship ever built, which also happens to be the Mormon temple/ride out of town, to crash it into the infected asteroid, they set off on what feels like a fairly routine operation. Besides the comic relief of Miller awkwardly gaining his Belter bonafides by becoming a clumsy Rock Hopper, throwing the Nauvoo through space at Eros while planting detonators on the asteroid went arguably smoothly.

There were just two problems. One, the Merasmus, a ship containing a bizarre group that apparently took it upon themselves to give first aid to all the Belters in Eros. Two, a bomb that needs a human hand.

That first issue is played with beautiful tension as Naomi (Dominique Tipper) checks in regularly on how by-the-book everything is going, right up until it’s not. After she spots the vessel, the situation devolved into a strange conversation filled with lies (on both sides), hampered by the real possibility that the French-accented Médecins Sans Final Frontières could be infected. Miller warned them not to leave using his best Billy Bob Thornton voice, but they didn’t heed, and as they headed toward the other side of the asteroid to broadcast what they’ve found to the galaxy, Miller launched a missile that obliterated them and sent debris sailing.

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Which is where the second problem comes into play. The debris first ripped a hole in Miller’s suit (patched in a panic) and then launched the countdown timer on the final bomb he was planting with his water-selling black market parolee. Without a finger on its touchscreen, it would have gone off and ruined the mission, so Miller opts to stay behind.

It’s one of the most interesting moments of the series so far, subverting the lone hero trope while offering Miller an opportunity to bitterly prove his selflessness. It was also one of the bigger magic tricks the show has pulled off, essentially creating an option where a massive, unbelievably expensive ship would smash into an asteroid infected with Protomolecule, or Miller would survive, but not both. In a way, the scene proved how much Miller is worth to the story and the us.

He made the call on his own, thinking up no elegant sci-fi solution to the problem (Naomi’s suggestions prove there were at least two). It’s almost as if Miller craved death. Like he was happy to see a need to stay behind. And, to be frank, is there a better way to go than crashing into the sun as a hero?

Of course it didn’t work. The asteroid moved all on its own, proving the Protomolecule has its own plans. The focus was completely on Miller’s final, poetic moments, and then the Protomolecule yawned, stretched its legs, and said, “Is that all you got?”

It’s great that Miller survived, but the Mormons definitely aren’t going anywhere for a while.

SOME STRAY THOUGHTS:

Where do you get insurance for the largest ship/church ever built?
Would Rock Hoppers laugh the whole time watching Gravity or just at the George Clooney parts?
It’s a little crazy that they basically pulled off this huge undertaking, right? They threw a giant church at a rock miles and miles away. If it weren’t for the sentient infection…they made it look super duper easy.

Images: NBC/SyFy

Even Denzel Washington Can’t Remember All of His Lines

Denzel Washington is a busy man. Over the course of his 40-odd-year career, he’s starred in numerous film roles (in addition to a fair share of TV bits from his early days)—45 to be in fact. So it’s no surprise that several have turned out to be iconic in the larger cinemasphere. But as it turns out, not even Washington can remember every single line he’s uttered onscreen.

(But honestly, can you blame him?)

While Washington was on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote Fences, Jimmy Kimmel did what he always does, eschewing the standard interview for a game called “Did I Say That?” The game forced Washington to watch clips of random people at LA’s Farmer’s Market as they repeated lines he may or may not have said on-screen.

Washington got off to a bad start when he completely forgot one of the key lines from his post apocalyptic drama, The Book of Eli. To throw Washington even further off of his game, he was given lines from Jurassic Park and the original version of The Magnificent Seven, too. However, the legend was never fooled enough to claim a line he never said. By far, one of the funniest moments came when a man completely bungled Washington’s famous “King Kong” line from Training Day. Let’s just say that word choice counts, and the line took on an entirely different meaning that made both Kimmel and Washington laugh.

What did you think about Washington’s walk down memory lane? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!

Image: ABC

LEGION Recap: Chapter 2

Spoilers for Legion follow. Don’t read on if you’re not caught up! Shall we begin?

Last week’s premiere Legion episode seriously broke our brains in the best way possible, but it also left us with a lot of unanswered questions. Luckily, tonight’s regular-length episode hit the ground running with a few interesting answers, so let’s do the same and get right into it.

After a harrowing escape from Division Three, a government organization that hunts and kills mutants, David finds himself at a secluded pro-mutant facility called Summerland. There, he’s officially introduced to his rescuers: in addition to Syd there’s the badass fighter Kerry Loudermilk, the neurotic scientist Cary Loudermilk (have fun keeping track of them), the “memory artist” Ptonomy Wallace, and their leader Dr. Melanie Bird, who’s sort of like what you’d get if you crossed the nurturing mentorship of Professor X with the regal authority of Emma Frost. Needless to say, I love her.

Unlike Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters, Summerland has a unique way of getting through to its residents. Using Ptonomy’s memory-projecting abilities, Dr. Bird journeys with mutants into the past events when their powers began to manifest, and then talks through these experiences to learn about what triggers their powers and how they can be controlled. I’ve got to admit, therapy makes a lot more sense as a framing device for David’s personal growth than an educational institution like Xavier’s School does, mostly because there’s a lot that goes into running a school, and are Scott and Jean even learning math over there?

David, however, is having trouble with his memory work, and not just because it’s tough for everyone the first time — there’s something stopping Ptonomy from accessing all of David’s past. While watching a childhood memory David’s father’s face is obscured, and the bedtime story he’s being read, The World’s Angriest Boy In The World, is seriously disturbing. Who writes a children’s book about a boy decapitating his own mother?

While inside David’s brain we also pick up some new details about his past; he and Lenny weren’t just friends at Clockworks, they were drug addict buddies together on the outside. David was also in therapy prior to being institutionalized, after an incident during a fight with his girlfriend that appears to have triggered his telekinetic powers.

Ptonomy can’t access the memories of that either, though, and it starting to seem like it’s not David who’s blocking him. Syd sensed “something there” while she swapped bodies with him back at Clockworks—so odds are this presence isn’t just an invention of David’s imagination. (Sidenote/spoiler for non-comics readers: Instead you’re gonna have to blame the imaginations of comic creators Ann Nocenti and Arthur Adams. You know, if it is Mojo. It totally is, though. I mean, look at him.)

In addition to his mutant therapy, David also begins medical treatment under the care of Carry Loudermilk, who may or may not also be Kerry Loudermilk at the same time. While in an MRI machine he’s asked to think of a happy memory so Cary can monitor his brain waves, and he recalls his idyllic country childhood with his sister Amy.

Unfortunately, happiness is not for X-Men, and the memory quickly shifts into a vision: Amy’s gone searching for David after he disappeared from her house, and now she’s being captured and tortured by Division Three. It’s such a traumatic thought it triggers David’s powers once more, sending the MRI machine exploding out the wall and into the forest outside Summerland’s campus. Oh well, those aren’t expensive, right? Xavier’s mansion has blown up, like, seven times in the comics, so that’s pretty mild in comparison.

Now David’s all fired up and ready to pull a Luke Skywalker to save his sister. Thankfully Syd’s a more persuasive talker than Yoda was, and she convinces him to stay and “do the work” so that he’s better prepared to face off against Division Three. After all, they won’t kill Amy — “she’s bait.” But he’d better work fast, because the Interrogator’s buddy (referred to on IMDB as “The Eye”) has a tank full of leeches, and there’s no telling what he’s going to do to Amy with them…

That’s all for Chapter 2 of Legion, and odds are it’s only going to get more intense from here. What do you think so far? Let us know in the comments!

Images: FX Networks

THE MAGICIANS Recap: Quentin Reaches His Breaking Point in ‘The Flying Forest’

Warning: the following recap contains spoilers from Wednesday’s episode of The Magicians, “The Flying Forest.” Like major ones (it is a recap, after all!), especially after last week’s major dealings. You’ve been warned…

Ding dong, the Beast is dead! But so is Alice. Penny’s hands/powers are also royally screwed, …and Quentin’s half-wood now? Things are not great when The Magicians picked up in episode four, “The Flying Forest.”

But at least one thing is great: Kady’s back! Finally. I have truly been missing her sarcastic quips and take-no-prisoners attitude. But she has not been doing well on her own since Julia sacrificed herself to Reynard, allowing Kady to escape and disappear. Julia found her in a drug den, hooked on heroin, turning “tricks” a.k.a. trading miracles for a quick fix. After getting her clean, Julia enlisted her in her fight to take down Reynard, and she had a plan. They worked together to decode a message Marina left before Reynard killed her, which led them to a book in the Brakebills library. Kady helped point Julia to the right book with a psychic connection, but she had to copy all the pages since she couldn’t just steal the book. So Julia took cover in the Physical Kids’ cottage during a party where she wouldn’t be discovered—only to have Margo find her. After they traded some pretty heavy barbs (man I love seeing these two powerhouses go head-to-head in a war of the words), Margo helped her copy the book. Are these two ice queens finally going to stop being enemies?!

Apparently the spell Marina wanted Julia to find was a necromancy spell to bring her back to life. The spell was unstable, so it wouldn’t last forever, but it definitely worked: Marina woke up and from her traumatized state, it’s clear she was in some kind of witch hell afterlife. That’s definitely scary to think about. But she also helped Julia learn that a witch had banished Reynard a couple decades ago until Julia brought him back, so it was possible to defeat him again. Marina died again, and Julia and Kady had a new plan: find this woman.

Meanwhile, after five surgeries over three weeks in Fillory with Centaurs rebuilding his arm out of wood, Quentin finally woke up and had to start mourning the loss of Alice. Margo sent Penny to the same place to get his hands checked out, and the two got into a fight about whose fault it was that Alice died. People deal with their grief in weird ways! Penny also learned that the dude who cursed his hands is like, super powerful, and he really screwed things up when he made the Riverwatcher mad. His hands literally tried to choke his own neck! So obviously the next logical step is to chop off his own hands, right? Well, not so much, but that didn’t stop him anyways.

While healing, Quentin caught a glimpse of the White Lady, and knowing that she was one of the seven questing creatures of Fillory, if he caught her then he’d get one wish. He enlisted Penny in his quest (after chopping off Penny’s cursed hands) to hunt the White Lady and get her to bring Alice back to life and fix Penny. But they had to cross through the Flying Forest to get to her …and they got super high from the fumes. They forgot everything about themselves and almost got lost, but they eventually broke out of their stupor and Quentin ended up shooting the White Lady. Ouch.

But much to Quentin’s dismay, the White Lady didn’t have the power to bring back someone from the dead (because of course). And she couldn’t make him happy either, because only losing his memories of Alice would soothe his shade. But he refused to erase his memories, a “wise” choice according to the Lady, and so instead, he asked her to send him “home.” As for Penny, she healed his hands. Finally! Let’s hope this solution sticks better than the bracelets did.

MAGICAL MOMENTS:

– There’s a talking sloth named Abigail who’s some kind of royal advisor in Fillory. I need to know more about her.

– Eliot’s really starting to feel the weight of his crown as the only Fillorian royal who can’t leave Fillory, so Margo found a loophole: create an Eliot golem! His mind will go into the golem’s whenever he’s asleep, letting him escape to Brakebills – at least, psychically if not physically.

– Centaurs just poop whenever, wherever, even during a magical medical consult. Amazing.

– Eliot’s new crush Javier has a rule about long-distance relationships: if you’re on another continent, it doesn’t count as cheating. Since Eliot’s wife is on another planet, it definitely doesn’t count. Another loophole! Eliot’s golem slept with Javier at Brakebills while Eliot’s real body slept with Fen in Fillory. He truly is getting the best of both worlds.

– Quentin and Penny got so high they forgot they hate each other. I wish they could stay that high forever.

– Quentin’s heartbreaking speech to the White Lady was so gut wrenchingly sad. Everything Quentin dreamed about came true, but it all ended up so much worse than he thought. When he appeared back in NYC, he threw his bow and arrow in the garbage and just walked away. Is he going to give up on being a magician? Is losing Alice the last straw for him?

QUALITY QUOTES:

Margo: I know we’re being serious right now, but that surgeon has the biggest d-k.

Margo, talking about the Magical Wellspring’s Ember poop problem: Okay, well, we talked about this. When someone drops a log at a public pool, you just send a kid with a net to fish it out.

Royal advisor: The … “befouling” … was substantial. Your majesty, we’ve employed several filtration systems but the Wellspring isn’t recovering fast enough.

Eliot, to Margo when she starts laying down the law: Since when are you Fillory Clinton?

Margo: Since I’m me.

Eliot: I want everyone to stop wanting things.

Fen: Bad time to ask for something?

Eliot: Your father makes knives for a living and knows where I sleep so, yeah, ask away!

Quentin to Penny: Could we just convalesce from our horrible injuries separately please?

Eliot, looking at his naked golem: Me likey.

Margo: You’re thinking about banging yourself, aren’t you?

Eliot: Why does everything smell so great?

Margo: Because your doppel-banger hasn’t met cocaine yet.

Penny: My hands tried to kill me so I broke my own arms. Look, forget all the mean s-t I said to you earlier. The bro-nies can’t fix me. I need your help.

Quentin: Okay, I guess.

Penny to Quentin: If I had middle fingers, you know what they’d be doing right now?

Penny: “Let’s go hunt the White Lady?” People like me get shot for saying s-t like that.

Penny, while super stoned and noticing he had no hands: Where are my stuff-touchers?!

Dean Fog: The Beast s-t in the Wellspring?

Eliot’s golem: No, no. Ember! Ember shat in the Wellspring. I think he meant well, he probably didn’t know how hard it would be to clean out.

Dean Fog: And now magic is failing on Earth. Because of s-t. Proving once again that comedy and tragedy can coexist in the same goddamn sentence.

Dean Fog: A bunch of my students went and conquered another world.

Eliot, whispering: They more like gave it to us.

Dean Fog: Either way, it doesn’t look great for me. It reeks of Earth privilege.

Quentin: That’s my arrow, you have to give me what I ask.

The White Lady: Obviously, you turd.

Quentin: Everything I’ve ever wanted I’ve got. Magic is real and it can fix anything except what I need. I loved a girl. My entire life, I’ve dreamed of Fillory, that I would be like Martin Chatwin. I’d find a way to stay here forever. [Sigh] Send me home.

What did you think of this week’s episode of The Magicians? Tweet me your thoughts and opinions at @SydneyBucksbaum!

Images: Syfy

The Magicians airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on Syfy.

THE 100 Recap: ‘The Four Horsemen’ Finally Give Us Some Hope

Warning: the following recap contains major spoilers from Wednesday’s episode of The 100, “The Four Horsemen.” It is a recap, after all! You’ve been warned …

The 100 has officially come full circle. We started off with 100 juvenile delinquents sent from the Ark down to Earth at the very beginning of the series, and now Clarke and Bellamy have to decide on which 100 people will be inside the Ark when the second apocalypse hits on Earth. What brutally, beautifully gruesome poetry! Of course all our favorite players will make it on the list, as they’re essentially VIPs, so it’s not like we have to worry about anyone, but Clarke wasn’t ready to make the list, let alone give up hope on another viable solution to save the other 400 Skaikru or the Grounder clans. That’s why she spent most of the hour, “The Four Horsemen,” doing everything she could to find another way to make it through the apocalypse.

Along with Bellamy and Jaha (of all people, ugh), Clarke went on a day trip expedition to try and find a doomsday cult’s bunker that was popular before the first apocalypse hit, able to hold thousands of people. She hoped that the cult had survived in their bunker all these years and would be open to letting them all in before the radiation wave hit. Upon finding the bunker and busting open the door, Clarke had to face the undeniable truth. Unfortunately, the head of the cult was a fraud and the bunker wasn’t sealed properly, killing everyone inside of it 97 years earlier. That also meant the bunker wouldn’t work for Skaikru and Grounders now.

Faced with no other choice, finally accepting the inevitable, Clarke made her list of the 100 people who would get the golden ticket, and Bellamy was number 99. But she couldn’t write her own name down as number 100, so he took the pen and did it for her. They planned to put the list away and hope to never have to use it, but someone is totally going to find it. I can see how finding the List (now officially capitalized) and not seeing your name on it would cause some issues. I’m thinking riots are in our future.

But maybe there’s another way to survive after all! A group of Grounders, including the last Nightblood Luna, showed up at Arkadia for Skaikru medicine, showing signs of late stage acute radiation sickness from eating irradiated fish. All of them died despite Abby and Clarke trying to save them … except for Luna. She actually got better without any medicine, meaning her Nightblood DNA could be the key to surviving the radiation. Finally, a glimmer of hope! I love how mythology first introduced over a season ago plays a major part in the plot moving forward.

However, there’s some (more) bad news to deal with first: the radiation poisoning combined with fish dying in the sea means that everyone actually has less time than they thought before the radiation death wave hits. Instead of six months … they only have two months, maybe less. Time to get cracking on that Nightblood radiation cure.

Meanwhile, in Polis, Indra’s estranged daughter (!!!) stole the Flame from Roan, believing him to be unfit to hold it since he wasn’t a chosen Nightblood. Did we know about Indra’s daughter before this? She had clearly been taught how to fight by her mother, but was more loyal to her faith as a Flamekeeper than to her family or Trikru people. But she worked with Octavia and Indra to save the Flame from being destroyed by Grounder looters led by Ilian looking to eradicate all tech from Polis. The trio gave the looters a fake Flame, and so now everyone believes it to be destroyed. But the Flamekeeper has the real one, holding onto it for the rightful next Commander. That means Roan will now have to keep his Commander throne through fighting and violence. A lot of people are going to have to die to keep him in command.

Other noteworthy moments

– Shout out to Clarke’s “friend” Nylah! Did anyone else catch that at the very beginning of the hour? Raven said that help from Clarke’s Grounder friend with benefits Nylah has been very helpful in preserving meat for rations as they prepare to seal up the Ark. Has Clarke has been getting more than just a helping hand in rationing recently? Nudge nudge, wink wink. I am all for this.

– Murphy and Emori were also feeling the effects of the incoming death wave, as their hunting out in the wilderness starting wielding less and less food as small species started dying off. Murphy decided to steal rations from Arkadia to help them survive. But while inside, he overheard Abby arguing with Raven about rationing meds for the incoming apocalypse, so he realized they needed to move into Arkadia to be safe. Their plan is to make themselves “useful.” I am constantly impressed with Murphy’s survival skills.

– Raven trying to motivate Clarke into making the list by telling her that Clarke’s specialty is choosing who lives and who dies was cold. Ice cold. But also kind of true?

– I am so over Jaha. I get his main goal is to save his people, but he fails every. Single. Time. This time, he didn’t cause as much bloodshed and death as he usually does, but he did waste an entire day and the use of a rover seeking out a dead end. Boo, Jaha. Booooo. Just sit back and follow orders. You are not the leader you think you are. You are not the savior of your people. You are arrogant. You are stubborn. And you are always wrong, causing problems for everyone. Ugh.

The 100 airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on The CW.

What did you think of this week’s episode of The 100? Tweet me @SydneyBucksbaum!

Images: The CW

Become The Belle of The Coding Ball With This BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Doll

While we’re all gearing up for the Beauty and the Beast live-action remake, Hasbro is using the opportunity to teach kids to code in a unique way. As i09 reports, the toy company announced just before the Toy Fair 2017 that they are launching a Belle doll that pairs with a basic programming app for iOS or Android.

The doll is wearing Belle’s classic, golden ball gown, and she can talk and dance on her own. She also speaks over 100 different phrases, and sings four songs from the original Beauty and the Beast film.

Of course, she’s a lot more than a pretty dress and a hairy boyfriend. Unlike other dolls, her movements are based on commands input into an app by the doll’s owner. Whether your child is younger or older, this doll can help gear a child’s mind towards coding. For the younger kids, you can program Belle’s movements with a basic connect-the-dots mode, where the screen is filled with shapes that coincide with basic dance moves. When a child drags their finger across the shapes on the screen, in whatever pattern they choose, Belle dances in conjunction with the selected commands. For older kids, you can use the “block coding” mode where you can drag and drop moves and commands into a sequence for Belle to perform.

More and more focus has been put on creating toys and games that help children learn the basics of coding. While it won’t necessarily make them computer geniuses overnight, it will help them develop problem solving skills, give them an interest in how things work on a fundamental level, and likely increase a child’s interest in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) fields. And while any child can enjoy this toy, it is another stride towards getting young girls interested in STEM. Girls have historically been far more likely to stray away STEM education and careers, and it’s incredibly encouraging to see toy companies actively welcome more little girls into the community. (Check out our pals at Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls for more amazing stories of women in STEM.)

Of course, such a rad toy isn’t cheap. If you want to pick up this toy for an aspiring coder in your life, it’ll run you about $120.

What do you think of Hasbro’s new doll? What are some other useful coding toys or apps you’ve come across? Let’s talk about it in the comments!

Image credits: Hasbro

Mel Gibson Courted to Direct SUICIDE SQUAD 2

These are tense and uncertain times. Facts and feelings are frequently confused for one another, and we’re on the brink of unprecedented happenings the world over. So, naturally it was announced (as we first read on THR) that Mel Gibson is being courted to direct the Suicide Squad sequel.

The timeline is dark, friends.

Gibson is mostly known, and praised, for his exemplary directing work in movies like Braveheart and Apocalypto. But it was his 2000s string of run-ins—namely a DUI police stop where he used derogatory slang about the female police officer and subsequent antisemitic remarks, plus a bit of alleged domestic assault—that put him in “movie jail.” But, perhaps because of his recent Oscar-nominated work, Hacksaw Ridge, Warner Bros rethought their stance on him.

Nerdist has reached out for further comment, but had not heard back at the time of publication—we will update as information becomes available.

More and more, my colleagues and I have been having a conversation about whether an artist’s persona and ethos should affect how people see their art, and I have been coming down on the side of, yes, it absolutely should, more and more. Why should we award and heap accolades upon someone who had previously revealed their true colors to be hateful and misogynistic? People can have comebacks, but they usually involve apologies or public recompense for their deeds (if there’s actual culpability and remorse). And yet more and more, Hollywood has been giving people who’ve shown little-to-no acknowledgement of their wrongs a second (or third, or fourth…) chance to win Oscars or get plum roles in popular blockbusters and franchises.

The first Suicide Squad was met with extremely divisive reaction from fans—and pretty much universal derision from critics—and has still made enough money to warrant a fast-tracked sequel. Why, then, when the property has been given a second chance, would DC Comics be okay with the next director having this kind of baggage, that at best can be considered unfavorable? And maybe it’s not the best thing to put a film that depicts the fractious and unhealthy relationship between a woman and her abusive boyfriend—which was treated particularly glibly in the first movie—in the hands of somebody who was previously accused of domestic violence and voiced a low opinion of women, not to mention utter hateful disdain of people of the Jewish heritage?

It ultimately doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the offending years in Mel Gibson’s life, because the baggage will always taint Suicide Squad 2, even if the movie is the best that WB and DC ever make. Given the response on Twitter this afternoon, it’s too soon for Mel Gibson to be getting the opportunity to win Oscars and direct blockbusters again. It’s antithetical to the ethos employed by all of DC’s greatest heroes, even if the movie in question is about bad guys.

It all just doesn’t make sense, you guys. Sanity is a dream.

Question for fans: what is most important in a SUICIDE SQUAD 2 director?

— DrewMcWeeny (@DrewMcWeeny) February 15, 2017

Images: SND Films/Warner Bros

Kyle Anderson is the Associate Editor for Nerdist and an avowed DC Comics fanboy. Follow him on Twitter!

An “Assault Trombone” Would Not Help You in a Zombie Apocalypse

Let’s say it’s the zombie apocalypse, and you find yourself hiding from a horde of the undead in a music store. They’ve just broken down the front door, and they’ve spotted you, cowering behind the counter, by the brass instruments. What’s your weapon of choice?

The trombone would be a solid pick: It’s hard, seemingly strong, has good length, and has two main components, so you could go out swinging with both hands. If you were really lucky—and we mean supremely, outrageously lucky—you might find yourself an “assault trombone,” and while that sounds super badass, we may have overstated how lucky finding one would make you.

It certainly looks like a weapon, but you’d probably be better off whacking zombies with it than using it as intended. The video itself, above, provides few details about its function, but from what we’ve gathered, it looks like the kid’s father manually creates pressure with a pump in some sort of air tank strapped to the boy’s back. A tube goes from that to the modified trombone, which has been fused with the back end of a shotgun. Pull the trigger, and what you have is essentially a super loud fart noise machine.

Is the assault trombone great for assault? Probably not, but if any of you are motivated enough to reverse-engineer one of these things for yourself, we’ve come up with some alternate uses so your efforts are not futile: part of a costume for a soldier in the ska wars, an alert system for lost campers, or a tool to become the most hated person in the neighborhood.

Featured image: CAPTAINQUINN

Earn Your Princess Leia Knowledge Buns by Watching This Video

Leia Organa, once a princess and now a general, is one of the most important characters in Star Wars. Maybe she doesn’t wield the Force in the same way as Luke and fight Darth Vader with a lightsaber, but she stood up to the Sith Lord and his scary as hell-looking interrogation device. She got the plans for the Death Star safely away from the Empire at great personal cost. She kept fighting after suffering tremendous loss. She held onto hope. In short, Leia rules.

A new video from Looper highlights the iconic character and Carrie Fisher with all sorts of behind-the-scenes facts. If you’ve ever wondered how Leia’s name was chosen or what Fisher thought about wearing the infamous metal bikini as Huttslayer Leia in Return of the Jedi, “The Untold Truth of Princess Leia” is the video you’ve been looking for. You’ll fill in gaps you didn’t even know you had in your Leia knowledge.

For example, how about her memorable cinnamon bun-styled hair? Fisher has often commented on the ridiculous hairstyles Leia sports in the films, and the video quotes George Lucas pointing out the Episode IV hair was inspired by a 20th century Mexican revolutionary look. In her recent memoir The Princess Diarist (also mentioned in the video), Fisher recounts how her stylist on A New Hope, Pat, kept trying various hairstyles until the “hairy-earphone configuration” clicked and producer Gary Kurtz said it was “flattering.”

Now I want over the ear headphones that look like Leia’s buns. Are those a thing?

What did you learn from the video? Are you ready to dazzle your friends with Leia facts? Tell me in the comments.

Image: Lucasfilm

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MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. Recap: Who is “The Man Behind the Shield”?

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! Proceed with caution, agents. If you haven’t yet watched this week’s episode, “The Man Behind the Shield,” we highly suggest you do so before proceeding. Okay? We good? Then let’s go.

Oh come on now, you didn’t actually think Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was gonna let you enjoy Valentine’s Day, did you? Though to be fair, “The Man Behind the Shield” does give us the most Philinda we’ve had so far this season. Even as it yanks the rug out from under us in what has become S.H.I.E.L.D.‘s signature style of storytelling.

There’s a big risk taken when any show tries to retroactively create a backstory, especially for a relationship between two characters we think we know inside and out. But this week’s episode somehow mounts the landing, by filling in some heretofore unseen details of Coulson and May’s history together. It turns out there were definite sparks flying between the two field agents some years back, before she met Andrew, when they took on an assignment that inadvertently resulted in the deaths of Anton Ivanov’s comrades. The details of that mission pale in significance to the opportunities Clark Gregg and Min-Na Wen get to show us new sides to their characters in an extended flashback sequence. He’s still somewhat clumsy in the field, she’s a flirt with a terrific laugh. It’s all kinds of adorable. Which makes knowing what follows all the more heartbreaking. Suffice it to say that each was each others’ one that got away.

Meanwhile, back in the present, the team mounts another mission — to rescue Mace and May from the clutches of Ivanov, as the latter has fully intended. Recent remarks made by the “Superior” about Coulson had me worried the show would attempt to make S.H.I.E.L.D.’s main man the nexus of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. But Ivanov knows less than he thinks he does, and his revenge plan is a straightforward one; even if it’s a little reminiscent of Zemo’s in Captain America: Civil War.

The big surprise is Aida’s role in all this. At the end of last week’s “BOOM” it appeared she’d absorbed Agnes’ memories, and that they’d wind up causing her to join the side of the angels. I’m not sure we won’t still see that scenario play out before this season is over, but here she not only lacks regret, she winds up pulling the masterstroke of replacing Coulson, Quake, and Mack with android duplicates, even as their real-life counterparts take down Ivanov. With Radcliffe content to spend his days in whatever next-level porn chamber he’s turned the Framework into, she’s effectively top dog now. And since she’s far too intelligent to share the hate-fueled agenda of “filth” (a.k.a. the Watchdogs), all bets are off as far as the scheme she’s secretly hatching.

Whatever it is, I remain steadfast in my belief that Aida should be redeemed by season’s end, and join S.H.I.E.L.D. in season 5. Mallory Jansen, TV’s best AI since Data, is just too good for this show to let go. In the meantime, however, we’ve the latest wrinkle in Coulson and May’s will-they-or-won’t-they courtship to contend with, with May unknowingly wooed by an android Coulson. And some of us thought this show was too cruel to Fitzsimmons!

Declassified Deliberations

— Agnes’ memories, and the affection she once held for Radcliffe, appear to surface when Aida refers to him as possessing “the most advanced human mind in this or any other century.” It’s not much, but it’s the only sign we get of the Aussie artist’s presence in the robot this week.

— “This is why I don’t have Facebook.”

— It took Coulson a full two minutes to unstrap May’s bra when they went undercover as husband and wife? Too damn cute.

—  Fitz and Simmons continue to demonstrate why they’re perfect for each other, when she pulls him out of his guilt complex over the technology he’s developed falling into the wrong hands. These two don’t just share a brain anymore — they share a heart.

— “I believe in Agent Coulson.” Executive producer Jeph Loeb paid homage to the opening line of his favorite film The Godfather in his comic book Batman: The Long Halloween. (“I believe in Gotham City.”) I can’t help but wonder if writer Matt Owens is trying to do the same with Mace’s words to Ivanov.

—  It remains damn near impossible not to see S.H.I.E.L.D.‘s real-word parallels when it comes to Russians aligning themselves with American hate groups.

— “Pray we don’t run into the Goblin King.” Davis, you’re such a nerd.

What did you think of this week’s episode? Let me know in the comments below or on Twitter (@JMaCabre).

Images: Marvel/Disney/ABC