Will Davis Jr.'s Blog, page 82

What’s the Worst Marriage Advice You’ve Been Given?

In over 30 years of doing Christian ministry, I’ve heard a load of bad advice people were given about marriage. But my friend and affair recovery specialist Rick Reynolds has heard even more.

He recently asked the readers of his blog (www.affairrecovery.com) to share the worst marriage advice they have received. What they wrote in is stunning. No wonder our marriages are in so much trouble.

To read Rick’s blog and see the comments, as well as to check out a really great site on affair recovery, click here.

Want more help on marriage? Check out my book Pray Big for Your Marriage.

Thursday Devotional: Back to Reality

As they were coming down the mountain . . . . Mark 9:9

The problem with climbing mountains is that at some point you have to come down. And believe it or not, coming down is always harder than going up. You’re already tired from the hours of climbing, gravity, loose rocks and tired muscles can make the descent treacherous, and the lower you get to the trail-head, the hotter, more crowded and more “normal” things become.

But unless you’re like Moses and you intend to die on a mountain, mountain-top visits are just that, visits. Mountains offer perspective that the valleys and the plains cannot. They offer an entirely different point of view. For most of us, though, we have to leave what we call normal to visit the mountains. We really aren’t designed for summit living. It’s wonderful to go there, but reality always calls us back. And as Summer is winding down, most of us are hearing that call back to reality.

In the verse above, Jesus and three of his disciples have been up on a mountain. This mountaintop experience turned out to be one that included the disciples seeing Jesus in his original eternal glory. So powerful and beautiful was the scene that Peter offered to set up camp so they could stay there. He wanted to make the mountaintop permanent. Alas, however, it was over as quickly as it started. The glory faded and Jesus and crew headed back down the mountain. Back to the valley, back to problems and obligations, back to reality. And that is precisely what Jesus intended.

The mountaintop experiences of our spiritual lives are designed by God for our well-being. Those moments, days or sometimes weeks of extra intimacy and blessing are sweet gifts from the Holy Spirit. But they are not ends in themselves. They serve a very clear purpose. If the sweetness of Jesus’ unencumbered presence was what God wanted you to have now, you’d be in heaven. Since God brings you back down from the mountain to the valley, then there must be a reason for both.

The mountaintop is where God refreshes. He grants perspective and regenerates life. God uses the mountaintop to revive and encourage his saints. He gives them focus, direction, healing, hope and courage on the mountain. He gives them the strength to go back to the valley, back to reality.

The valley is where God wants us to give away what we received on the mountain. Read the full passage above and note how quickly the disciples found themselves up to their ears in demons. Mountaintops are training grounds for life (and battle) in the valley. The blessings you receive from God on the mountain are not yours to keep. They are yours to share when in the valley. People in the valley need what God has given you on the mountain, so give it away freely. Love them, serve them, pray for them and teach them. Then go back up to the mountaintop for another round with the exalted Savior. There, he will give you more fuel for both you and those in the valley.

Where are you today? Are you stuck in the valley? Are your supplies running low? Does demand exceed supply? Perhaps it’s time to sneak away for some mountaintop time with Jesus. He will refuel you. Or, are you on the summit? Do you, like Peter, just want to build a church and live there? Have you forgotten your calling to the valley? Have you forgotten what it was like to be a valley person? Take what God has so freely given you and get back down to the valley. Share what he has entrusted to you. It’s not yours to keep. There are people in the valley who need what God has given you. Don’t be selfish with your mountain time. Come down and face the demons. It’s time to get back to reality.

 

Four Simple Steps to Help You Move Toward Enough

Moving toward ENOUGH isn’t as hard as you think or as painful as it may sound. It’s really pretty simple and will greatly reduce your stress and increase your joy and peace. Are you ready to join the Enough Revolution? Here are four steps to get started:

Take a look around. Pause a minute to take in all that you have. Look at where you live—home, your furniture, your cars, your appliances, your clothes and your electronics. Now, think about your bank accounts—savings, 401k, checking, stocks and bonds, etc. As best you can, take a mental survey of everything you have, whether it’s a lot or a little. Got it? Now, go to step 2.
Say this out loud, “I have enough.” That’s right—you have enough—today, right now, regardless of your circumstances, you have enough. Say it again, “I have enough.” The truth is, you probably have more than enough. There may be things you want–things you’d like to have–but most of us really don’t need much else. And that’s true whether you’re rich or poor, whether you have a ton of savings or none. It’s true today whether you are employed or unemployed, retired or just starting out in your first job. It’s true whether you’re paid hourly, by the job, or salaried. I know that you may not feel like you have enough, and I fully understand what that’s like. When Susie and I look at trying to pay off one set of student loans, with another kid about to graduate from college another just about to start, I don’t have a clue how we’re going to do it. But that doesn’t change our reality. We have enough. And so do you. Want to say it again? “I have enough.” Okay, now go to step 3.


Look unto the hills.  This step is about reminding ourselves of the source of our hope and provision. David wrote, “I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth,” (Psalm 121:1-2). We tend to panic when we don’t know how we’re going to pay tomorrow’s bills or put food on the table. We worry about retirement and our kid’s future. But the Bible reminds us that our hope has never been in what we can produce—in our jobs, our bank accounts, our retirement funds, Wall Street or the government. Our hope, future and promise are all in God. That’s how you know you have enough; because whatever God has, you have. You may not see it today, but it will be there when you need it. So, in the words of Paul, let’s set our hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God, and on things above, not on earthly things, (see Colossians 3:1-2). Now, let’s go to step 4.
Find a need and meet it. One of the best ways to recognize your own enough is to see the less than enough of someone else. I am much less likely to want those new jeans or to think I “need” that new wrench set if I’m aware of the hand-to-mouth existence of my neighbor just down the street. It’s amazing how much perspective can be gained by just taking our eyes off ourselves and looking at the plight of others. If you’ll get in the habit of seeing your stuff, money, home, resources, etc., as the possible solution to someone else’s problems or the answer to someone else’s prayers, then you’ll be well on your way to embracing and even celebrating your enough.

Whatever Happened to Respecting the President?

Last week a video of a six-year-old boy listing the top ten reasons he doesn’t like President Obama went viral on YouTube. His reasons included that the President takes guns from the good guys and gives them to the bad guys, and that he and Mrs. Obama don’t love America. The little boy was obviously coached and the whole video was obviously the work of the kid’s parents. Honestly, it disgusted me.

Political alignment has never been a requirement for showing respect. The President is the elected leader of our country and we (especially our children) need to show him the respect he is due whether we agree with him politically or not. To coach a child to openly bash the President isn’t just bad manners, it breeds kids with a basic disrespect for authority and sends the message that respecting authority is dependent upon how one feels about the authority’s political views.

Can you imagine how scary a nation would be if it was made up of people who didn’t respect authority? (OK, don’t answer that.)

But there’s even more going on here. Urging a kid to diss the President isn’t just bad manners and sends wrong messages, it’s also unbiblical. Forgive the profiling on my part, but given the content of the video, I would be willing to bet that the kid’s parents have some type of Christian affiliation. And to put it bluntly, their behavior and that they imposed on their son is patently unChristian. Let’s remind ourselves of what the Christian’s authority says:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Romans 13:1
Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Romans 13:7
I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone–for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior . . . 1 Timothy 2:1-3
Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 1 Peter 2:13-14
Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king. Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 1 Peter 2:17-18

I could go on.

I’m sad for this little boy. He’s being used by his parents to promote their political agenda (that’s their right), but he’s also being taught that it’s OK to publicly disparage those you disagree with. It’s not, especially when the one you’re disparaging is the President. It’s not, especially when you claim to be under the authority of Jesus Christ.

Parents, teach your kids the values that you want to drive how they live and how they vote. But make sure that you include in those values having respect for all people–even those whose values are different from yours.

The Enough Revolution on Fox News

In case you missed it, here’s my interview with Lauren Green on the Fox News show Spirited Debate. She was curious about the Enough Revolution I discuss in Enough. (Click the image to view the video.)

The Chip Theory–and Other Failed Efforts to Get to Heaven

I met a really nice guy on a mountain a few weeks ago. He was admiring a Class 3 ridge I had just traversed, and we ended up climbing together for a while. My new friend was a postal worker in Denver, and very willing to talk about life. So, I brought up matters of faith. I mean, I knew I probably wouldn’t ever see this guy again, why not talk about God?

He told me that we was trying to be a good person. He believed that if he treated people fairly, was good to his friends and family, and avoided most of the biggies like murder, adultery, etc., that he’d stand a pretty good chance of making the cut into heaven. After all, isn’t that what God expects?

I responded between my thin-air-laced breaths, “Ah yes, the Chip Theory.”

Him: The Chip Theory

Me: Yes, the Chip Theory. You know, it’s like playing poker. You accumulate chips during life for all the good stuff you do. At the end of your life you hand your chips to God. He takes out what you owe the bank–you know, for your bad stuff. And after that, if you still have enough chips left, you’re in.

Him: Well, I’ve never quite thought of it like that, but I guess that’s right. I mean, I know I’m not perfect, but I’m basically a pretty good person.

Me: Yep. You’re betting on having enough chips (good deeds) to get you in. The problem with the Chip Theory is that it’s really stupid and it doesn’t work.

Like I said, we were way up on a mountain. What’s the guy gonna do, run away? I didn’t feel that tact was necessary at that point. And for the next hour I talked to the guy about Jesus and how he gave his life to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

Friends, let me be very clear here–the path to heaven isn’t pragmatic. There is no karma that honors good behavior; there is no scale that weighs out good deeds verses bad; there is no list of rules you can keep or steps you can take that will guarantee you a seat at God’s table.

When it comes to getting to heaven, there is only God’s way–and God’s way has nothing to do with how hard we try or how good we are. When it comes to spending eternity in heaven with God, you have to be perfect, blameless, holy. Good isn’t ever going to be good enough for God.

And the only way that imperfect humans can become holy is to be changed by an independent, outside and holy source. That’s what God does through Jesus. He does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. It’s grace over being good; it’s Jesus over me; and it’s mercy instead of justice. Thank God.

My friend and I eventually reached the summit, shook hands and went our separate ways. But unlike our earthly climb, in the pursuit of God there is no reaching the summit. It’s impossible. There’s no way to get to him. He has to come to us. He has to condescend. He has to change us. And that he did.

Friends, chips are overrated. The bank is broke. Bet on Jesus.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

 

For All Who Like Blaming “Organized Religion,” I have a Challenge

It happened again the other day–a friend told me that he wasn’t sure about God but he was quite certain that he didn’t care for organized religion. Others aren’t so diplomatic–organized religion is proof there isn’t a God and is the source of much of what is wrong with the world.

To all those friends who like to default to playing the “organized religion” card, and with all the love and humility that my organized religion-infected heart can produce–I want to say that I’m really getting sick of it.

Here’s why. Organized religion gets blamed for everything from the injustice in the world to homophobia to the US’s economic woes to giving false hope to people facing death or difficult times. We might as well blame oxygen for all the world’s evil because it happens to be in the lungs of bad people.

The fact is that “organized religion” has become the perfect scapegoat–better–the perfect excuse for those who don’t want to deal with the rather unrelenting reality of God. They write off God because of the bad behavior of some of his people–and some who aren’t his people–as if he is responsible for the actions of freewill individuals. It’s a cop-out of the highest proportions.

But that’s not even the point I want to make. This blog was inspired while I was in Haiti a few weeks ago. It’s hard to describe the level of suffering that is so pervasive in Haiti and countries like it. Pain is in ample supply; hope is scarce. And yet hope is what we found all over the tent cities and even slums of Haiti. Hope–not because things are getting better, far from it; but hope because widows and orphans are receiving food and clothing. Hope, because children are being educated. Hope, because wells are being dug and clean water made available. Hope, because the sick are receiving medical care. Hope, because the elderly and special needs children are being rescued off the streets they were dumped on. Hope, because abuse victims are getting counseling and are learning how to protect themselves. And hope, because those who are suffering under the relentless hand of poverty are learning that there is a joy that rises above one’s circumstances, no matter how difficult.

And what is the source of this hope? Who is behind this upsurge of spirit among the Haitians? Those pesky men and women who happen to be a part of “organized religion.” That’s right–pastors, missionaries, counselors and care givers–all working for either a church, a ministry or a mission organization, and most walking away from promising careers to serve the poor, are right there in the thick of things and working in the name of God and their “organized religion.”

Kristen Hale, a volunteer, with some of the poor children of Haiti

I remember one night in particular, after hearing a septuagenarian who has been in Haiti over 40 years talk about what it’s like for a child to die of hunger. She talked about the countless babies she has rescued from dumps and doorsteps in the past four decades; and while many have died, many more have grown into beautiful thriving Haitian men and women. Some even work in her ministry today.

That was my “Give me a break” moment. That was when I snapped. I turned to a friend and promised that the next time someone plays the “organized religion” card with me, I was going to issue a simple challenge. Put up or shut up.

I invite any skeptic, atheist, agnostic, burned-out church goer, former-saint-turned-sinner or any one else who likes to blame the evil O.R for all that’s wrong with the world to join me on a trip to Haiti, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Uganda, Mexico or even South Texas in the near future. If money is an issue and you seriously can’t afford to go–btw, teens wash cars, mow lawns, count pennies, write letters, babysit and do just about anything else that’s legal so they can go on these trips and serve the poor–I will reach deep into the coffers of my organized religion and find the resources to pay your way.

Come with me and see for yourself. While you sit at home being critical of God and his Church, the force you call “organized religion” is quietly providing people, food, clothing, safety, medicine and yes, hope for many around the globe that the rest of the world has forgotten about.

And if you don’t believe me, I’ll be happy to show you.

Just in Time for Your Fall Small Group Study–The Enough Study Guide

I’m proud to share with you today an excellent resource–the Enough Small Group Study Guide. Written by Dr. Tonya Parrott, the former Local Missions Director at Austin Christian Fellowship, the guide provides everything you need to have a profound and even life-changing small group study with my book Enough: Finding More by Living with Less. I’ve already received multiple requests for the study, and I’m happy to share it with you now just before the Fall small group season kicks in.

You can download the study guide here or from the Free Resources tab anytime. Are you ready to move toward enough? Buckle your seat-belt!

Monday Devotional: Are You Being Tempted?

Are you being tempted?  Don’t assume if you’re being tempted that you’re out of God’s will. Sometimes temptation means that you’re precisely in God’s will.

Consider this: Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led around by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. Luke 4:1

In this setting, Jesus could not have been more aligned with God. He had just been baptized by John and the heavens had thundered with God’s declaration of Jesus’ divine favor. Then Jesus obediently followed the Spirit into the desert. While there, he faced an endless onslaught of satanic temptation.

Now when we hear that someone is really being tempted, we often assume that they have it coming to them. Right? We think, “If they weren’t hanging with such a bad crowd, they would not be tempted all the time.” Or, “They must really be in sin or they wouldn’t be so tempted.” And occasionally, that’s true. Frequently, however, the opposite is true. Satan will go after a Christian because she is being obedient. He attacks Christ-followers who are growing and who are increasing their kingdom impact. He tempts Christian leaders to sin so he can cancel out their effectiveness. That’s what he was doing with Jesus.

I don’t know how much Satan knew about God’s plan for Jesus, but he knew enough to know that he didn’t like where Jesus’ ministry was going. All Jesus’ talk of the coming of God’s kingdom certainly wasn’t good news for his domain of darkness. So he launched a full assault on Jesus. He had to get Jesus to stumble before things really got out of hand. The temptations that Jesus faced were proof-positive that he was exactly where God wanted him.

Are you being tempted? Do you feel like you take one hit after another? Do you sense that there are spiritual forces aligned against you? Is spiritual growth an arduous process for you? If so, it may well be because of Satan’s resistance. Do not be misled: if you’re practicing sin, you’re inviting satanic activity in your life. Don’t blame the devil for tempting you when you’ve locked arms with him. However, when you’re legitimately on the high road, when you’re honestly trying to honor and obey God, trouble will come. And when it does, you can be sure that the spiritual forces of darkness don’t like where you’re going.

It is possible to be led by God’s Spirit and assaulted by God’s enemy at the same time. The former does not exclude the other; rather it usually attracts it. The devil doesn’t waste time on targets that aren’t a threat to his domain. Are you being spiritually assaulted? Take courage; you’ve become enough of a Christian to warrant the attention of the enemy of God.

Guest Post–Thoughts on Chick-Fil-A

From Thom Fulmer–Pastor of Austin Christian Fellowship Northwest

The last few days, I have run into post after post either supporting or taking a shot at Chick-Fil-A. This is in response to the comments of Chick-Fil-A’s CEO, Dan Cathy. In a July 16th Baptist Press article, when asked about his view of supporting a “traditional family,” he responded by saying he was “guilty as charged.”  In addition, he said “We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

Cathy’s comments have angered many who support same-sex marriage. Boston’s mayor Thomas Menino and Chicago’s Mayor Rahm Emmanuel have spoken out against Dan Cathy. They have stated that they will block Chick-Fil-A from opening stores in their respective cities. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has asked Cathy supporters to go to Chick-Fil-A on August 1st. Franklin Graham weighed in supporting Chick-Fil-A. Roseanna Barr voiced an angry opinion against those who patronize Chick-Fil-A and the story now has a life of its own. Like most issues in our society, this one is very polarizing. The more I read these responses from both sides, the more unsettled I become.

On one hand, I understand and support Cathy’s right to share his beliefs. I love how Chick-Fil-A conducts their business, that they’re closed on Sunday, how they support marriages and take care of their employees. As I read the Baptist Press article, I learned that Dan Cathy was not expressing Chick-Fil-A’s policy against same-sex marriage, but he was merely giving a statement of his beliefs. He has that right and I completely understand why Christians have rallied to support his right to express his beliefs.

On the other hand, as a Christian, I am called to follow Jesus Christ. His commands tell me to love God, to love others and even to love my enemies. His example is that he gave up His rights and laid down His life to give us right standing with His Father. He gave up His rights for us.

“Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal’s death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5-8 NLT)

I think we, the American church, may be missing our call on this point. We are outraged when anyone attacks our beliefs or is intolerant of our right to free speech. But Jesus told us that the world would hate us because they hated Him. It seems that our desire to defend our rights has blinded our call to follow Jesus, laying down our rights and very lives for others like He did for us.

When I read angry responses to a man supporting a biblical view of marriage, I wonder if they have any idea who Jesus is. Have political battles, differing opinions on rights and marriage caused them to hear that Christians are judging them? Can they even hear that Jesus loves them or does the very mention of the name of Christ close their mind? Is that their fault or do we share any fault in why they feel the way they do about Christ and Christians? He died for them, for all of us, even those who oppose Him. It’s hard to remember this, but the Apostle Paul originally opposed Jesus. While I support sharing beliefs, values and convictions, I cannot help but feel that the One who gave up all of His rights might be calling us to more than defending our way of life.