Suzanne Elizabeth Anderson's Blog, page 9

Feeling Depressed AFTER Your Surgery? Join the Crowd!

On August 1st, I went into the hospital for a breast lumpectomy. I checked in at 10 a.m. and was home in bed by 7p.m.

In the week leading up to surgery and in the week afterward, while I waited for the pathology reports that would tell me the results of the lumpectomy, I was pretty upbeat. I felt that I was prepared to deal with whatever the test results revealed, I felt we had discovered the atypical cells early and that if pre-cancer or cancer cells were found, I would deal with whatever next steps were required. I felt brave and ready for the battle.

A week later I received the pathology report: no pre-cancer or cancer cells, just more of the atypical cells. Next, I'll meet with an oncologist in September and decide what to do next.

This is pretty good news. And on the day that I received the report I was understandably happy and relieved!

What was very unexpected was my reaction the following week...I felt depressed. I had all the classic symptoms:


fatigueinsomnialack of desire to do anything other than stay in bedunexplained sadness

I didn't want to tell anyone how I was feeling because I was afraid that it would sound selfish or unreasonable, given the good news I'd just received. And I didn't understand what I was feeling...it didn't make sense, so I kept quiet and lived with it.

This morning, as I sat at my desk with CNN on in the background, I heard a commentator mention post-surgical depression, so I googled it and discovered that what I'd been experiencing since my surgery was actually quite common.

And it makes perfect sense to me...before my surgery, I had invest a great deal of energy into preparing myself for the surgery and whatever outcome I faced. I maintained an upbeat attitude, took good care of my health, and had the love and help of family and friends to support me.

After the surgery, especially after the pathology report, even though I received pretty good news, I felt like a deflated tire. All the energy I expended keeping my spirits up now left me and I felt flat. I felt simultaneously that life was back to the same old problems and that I didn't have the energy to deal with them.

How am I doing now? I'm taking it day by day. Going for walks with my dogs in the beautiful Colorado woods is a help. Eating healthy, mostly vegetable based meals strengthens my body. If these feelings persist, I'll speak with my primary care physician and get his recommendations. I have lived with depression off and on for most of my life, so I understand that it can be a challenge.

The biggest relief has been putting a name to this melancholy and understanding that what I'm feeling is quite common.

As with any form of depression, if you are hurting, please get help...speak with your primary care doctor, call a mental health help line, reach out to a friend. As I keep preaching...you are your own best health advocate, but you don't have to be alone! There are many resources out there to help you...get help!

Broccoli Cheese Soup for Grownups

Gruyere cheese and a healthy splash of wine turns this into a sophisticated soup...
I'm not a big fan of cheddar cheese, so I like to substitute it whenever possible for the sharper taste of my favorite Gruyere cheese. 
What goes better with cheese, than wine? I found this combination elevates the broccoli cheese soup to a perfect weeknight light dinner for grownups. Enjoy with a glass of the same wine you use in the soup. 
Ingredients:
4 Tablespoons butter1 medium onion diced1/4 cup all-purpose flour2 cups half n half2 cups milk1 lb broccoli florets2 cups grated gruyere cheese1/4 cup white (or red) wine2 garlic cloves mincedgrated nutmeg, salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper to taste
four bread 'bowls' 

Directions:
1. Gently sauté onion in butter for 2-3 minutes until tender. Sprinkle in flour and continue to cook for 2-3 minutes until flour is cooked.
2. Add milk and half n half, stir for one minute. Add broccoli florets, nutmeg, salt, pepper, and pinch of cayenne. Cover and allow to simmer for 20-30 minutes until broccoli is tender.
3. While soup is simmering, cut the tops off of the bread bowl, scoop most of the bread out of the interior, so that you have an 'empty' bowl to hold the soup.
3. Back to your soup: Stir in wine and gruyere cheese. Taste and adjust seasonings to your personal taste. Let wine and cheese meld with the milk and broccoli. 
4. Your choice if you like your broccoli incorporated into the soup: Use an immersion blender, regular blender, or food processor to chop the broccoli to your desired consistency. At this point you can also thin the soup with more milk or wine ;-)
5. Pour the soup into the bread bowl, garnish with grated parmesan and fresh basil leaves.
Enjoy!
Recipe adapted from ThePioneerWoman.com

Good News!

GOOD NEWS! My pathology report just came back and they only found atypical cells, no cancer or pre-cancer! Now I just have to meet with the oncologist to discuss what's next, whether to start tamoxifen or not. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! Praise God!
I am reminded of the verses from the Psalm I shared with you two weeks ago...
Although they go forth weeping,carrying the seed to be sown,They shall come back rejoicing,carrying their sheaves.R. Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

We are rejoicing today!
Please be diligent about getting your yearly mammogram. 
And be proactive about taking care of your health!

Weekending Commonplace: Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing

Today at Friday morning Mass, the Psalm responsorial provided me with a message of hope and encouragement.

I've found that when I go to Mass or open my Bible during devotional time with an open heart and quiet mind, a verse will speak to me in my current circumstances like a gentle reminder that God is near.

I smiled as I heard the cantor read the words and then smiled as I knew I had to share it with you.

There are so many wonderful promises contained in these verses...

our mouth was filled with laughter, our tongue with rejoicing

Then they said to the nations, "the LORD has done great things for us, we are glad indeed."

Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like the torrents in the southern desert.

But the most amazing one is in the response itself: Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing!

No matter what you are going through today, repeat this promise to yourself over and over again...I shall reap rejoicing!

From Psalm 126

R. (5) Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.
When the LORD brought back the captives of Zion,
we were like men dreaming.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with rejoicing.
R. Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.
Then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad indeed.
R. Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.
Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like the torrents in the southern desert.
Those that sow in tears
shall reap rejoicing.
R. Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.
Although they go forth weeping,
carrying the seed to be sown,
They shall come back rejoicing,
carrying their sheaves.
R. Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

**************************************


If I can pray with you, please leave a comment below.

Have a great weekend!

Love you,

Suzanne

When in Doubt - Ask for a Biopsy

Sometimes life can change in an instant and sometimes it takes a gradual unraveling to reveal itself.

Here's how it unfolded for me...

June 24th - First Mammogram

July 16th -  Second Mammogram, Ultrasound, and Biopsy

July 18th - Received Diagnosis of Atypical Ductal Hypoplasia

July 24th - Consultation scheduled with Breast Surgeon

On Friday, July 18th I found out the results of the biopsy to my left breast...I have what is known as an "Atypical ductal hyperplasia of the breast"...and I'll be speaking with a breast surgeon on July 24th about scheduling a lumpectomy.

The other night when I signed off of Facebook by posting a picture of myself in bed and said that I was exhausted after a long day. Well, the reason was because I'd spent the day at the hospital having tests done.

Here's the definition of my current condition: "Atypical hyperplasia isn't cancer, but it can be a forerunner to the development of breast cancer. Over the course of your lifetime, if the atypical hyperplasia cells keep dividing and become more abnormal, your condition may be reclassified as noninvasive breast cancer (carcinoma in situ) or breast cancer." 

After reading Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, I've discovered that they will do a lumpectomy of the site and look at the cells. There is a 50% chance that there may be cancer cells...and a 50% chance they will be benign. 

Either way, we'll know what to do next...

The reason I wanted to share this information with you, in addition to asking for your prayers....is that the only reason I received this early diagnosis is because I requested a biopsy.

I will write about this is in greater detail on my blog, but the short version is that on Wednesday I went in for a follow-up mammogram because they found something that wasn't there in last year's mammogram and they wanted to confirm it. After they did, they asked me to have an ultra-sound of the breast.

After the ultrasound, the radiologist came in and said that while she noticed an abnormality, she thought it was just a calcification and recommended that I just come back in six months for a follow-up mammogram. I asked if I could have a biopsy of the area in question, just to rule out any possibility of cancer.

The radiologist agreed, and I had a biopsy later that afternoon.

If I hadn't insisted on the biopsy (and they hadn't agreed) there is a possibility that this high risk indicator of breast cancer might have had six months to develop into something more sinister.

Which is why I've written this long post.....please, please, be proactive with your healthcare! You are your own best advocate!

Okay, I'm climbing off my soap box....

Please keep me in your prayers, I'll keep you posted as I learn more. But I'm not going to dwell on this...expect more posts about cooking, it always makes feel better!

Love and hugs. xo.

Suzanne

What to Do When All You Hear is a Negative Voice in Your Head

I went to Mass this morning in a good mood and left in a bad mood.

I usually love going to the 8:30 weekday Mass, there are fewer people, the priest comes down from the raised altar and stands at our level for the gospel reading and homily. The entire service has a feeling of shared intimacy. It's usually the highlight of my week.

Not today.

As I prayed, all I heard was this negative voice that recited a litany of my failures over the past two years. All the times I had invested time and money into my writing career and all the times I had failed to produce the hoped for result. All the jobs I had applied for and dearly needed and every time been turned down.

Not only was the list uncomfortably long, the voice assured me that I had no hope and the string of failures was bound to continue.

As I sat there asking God to intervene, to give me a word of encouragement, the negative voice just got louder and more persistent.

I was reduced to tears as I kneeled in the pew. I kept asking God, 'why?' Why had so many of my attempts to succeed been turned to ashes? Why had my heart been broken? Why couldn't my hard work show the expected results? Why was I failing so thoroughly?

I was reduced to repeating this line from the Communion,

"Lord...only say the word and my soul shall be healed."

I was miserable and angry by the time I left Mass.

I have been in this desert for two years...I feel like I took a wrong turn and cannot find my way out, no matter what direction I head.

When I go home this afternoon, my mother handed her open Bible to me and told me to read Psalm 34. I've copied the verses below.

I believe that what God is telling me, us, is that even when we don't understand the why or how or when of our redemption, we must continue to praise His Holy Name in midst of our desert.

"Let all who are discouraged take heart. Let us praise the Lord together, and exalt his name."

I believe that when we turn to God and praise His Name even in the midst of our struggles, that very act will strengthen us and renew our energy and focus so that we can continue on.

I don't know when this desert will end. I know God could change it all with one word, in one instant. To me, the waiting feels interminable. But I will continue to look towards Jesus, to praise His Name and remember all He has done before today and continues to do.

Someday, I will be able to look back on this time and see God's hand in all of this. And hopefully I will have reached my higher ground.  Until then, I will continue to share my journey with you and hope that it is a help to you in your own way in this world.

God bless you,

Suzanne

***********

Psalm 34: 1-10

I will praise the Lord no matter what happens.
I will constantly speak of his glories and grace.
I will boast of all his kindness to me. Let all who are
discouraged take heart. Let us praise the Lord together,
and exalt his name.

For I cried to him and he answered me! He freed me from all my fears.
Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of
rejection! This poor man cried to the Lord-and the Lord heard him and
saved him out of his troubles. For the Angel of the Lord guards and
rescues all who reverence him.

Oh put God to the test and see how kind he is! See for yourself the way his
mercies shower down on all who trust in him. If you belong to to the Lord, reverence him;
for everyone who does this has everything he needs. Even strong young lions sometimes go
hungry, but those of us who reverence the Lord will never lack any good thing.

Pain d'épice - From Kneadlessly Simple by Nancy Baggett

Since I learned how to make no-knead bread via Jim Lahey's book, My Bread, I have fallen in love with baking bread using this simple, foolproof technique.

Which is what led me to Nancy Baggett's book, Kneadlessly Simple. I've enjoyed Nancy's book because of the wide variety of everyday staples and more exotic breads that I was eager to try. Today's bread recipe fell into the latter category.

Nancy describes this bread as an "aromatic, flavorful, fruit-and-spice loaf...a French favorite, particularly in the farthest easter region of Alsace...quite spectacular  spread with cream cheese."

That last bit of description clinched the deal for me, since one of my favorite light-breakfasts consists of a slice of flavored bread spread with Labneh (a delicious spreadable yogurt cheese that tastes like cream cheese).

If you've ever wanted to bake bread but were intimidated, try Jim Lahey's or Nancy Baggett's books. You'll be amazed by how easy and accessible the recipes are, and how delicious the breads turn out.

You'll be a hero in your home!



Ingredients:

1/2 cup each dark raisins and golden raisins

2 1/4 cup unbleached white bread flour

1 cup medium rye flour or whole wheat flour

2 teaspoons anise seeds

1 1/2 teaspoons instant, fast-rising yeast

1 1/2 teaspoons table salt

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

1/2 cup clover honey or other mild honey

1 1/2 teaspoon finely grated orange zest

1 1/2 cups ice water

1/4 cup diced (1/8-inch pieces) crystallized ginger

Flavorless oil for coating dough top

2 teaspoons clover honey blended with
2 teaspoons water for wash


Directions:

1. Soak the raisins in hot water for 10 minutes. Drain and let cool.

2. Whisk together the flours, anise seeds, yeast, salt, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, allspice in a large bowl.

3. In a separate bowl or 4-cup measuring cup mix together water, honey, raisins, orange zest, and crystallized ginger

4. Slowly incorporate the wet ingredients into the the dry ingredients, stirring until completely mixed and a sticky ball is formed.

5. First rise: Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a dishtowel and let rise for 12-18 hours. (Nancy also gives you the option of first placing the dough in the fridge for 3 - 10 hours before this first rise)

6. Second rise: Sirt the dough, Turn it out into a well-oiled 9X5 inch load pan. Brush top of dough with oil. Cover with non-stick spray coated plastic wrap and let rise for 2 1/2 hours. Continue the rise until dough extends 1/2 inch above the pan rim.

7. 30 minutes before baking time, put a rack in the lower third of oven, preheat to 350F. Evenly brush the top of the dough with the honey/water wash.

8.Bake on lower rack for 50 to 60 minutes, or until the loaf is well browned, covering with foil as needed. Continue to bake for 15 to 20 minutes  more until a skewer inserted comes out clean. Bake for 5 to 10 minutes longer to ensure the center is done.  Cool in pan on a wire rack for 10 minus, then turn the loaf onto rack and cool thoroughly.

9. Top may be decorated with a shower of powdered sugar or lemon drizzle.

Feeling Stuck? What to Do When You're in the Valley

Sometimes Life can feel like a series of two steps forward, one step back...despite all of our best efforts we are in a waiting place.


Today I came across this psalm and it perfectly described what the valley feels like for me right now. I'm working on several different projects, sending out emails, and in every case getting no reply...or at best another closed door.



I remembered the old days,
    went over all you’ve done, pondered the ways you’ve worked,
Stretched out my hands to you,
    as thirsty for you as a desert thirsty for rain.

Like David says at the start of this psalm, I remember the old days when it felt as if I went from one success to the next, when everything seemed to flow easily.

Hurry with your answer, God!
    I’m nearly at the end of my rope.
Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me!
    That would be certain death.

When we are there in the valley, it can feel more discouraging than even failure...because at least with failure, we can see the results of our actions.
The valley feels different...it feels like a no-mans land where we are neither moving forward nor backward. We are just running in place.
When we are in this place, it's important not to give up, but to keep pushing forward, to rest, take care of ourselves, so that we will have the energy to keep working toward our goal, even when we can't see our progress.

If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice,
    I’ll go to sleep each night trusting in you.
Point out the road I must travel;
    I’m all ears, all eyes before you.

 Remember that even in the midst of our valley, God loves us. He is ready to show us where to go next, to point the way out of the valley, if we are ready to trust Him.

Save me from my enemies, God—
    you’re my only hope!
Teach me how to live to please you,
    because you’re my God.
Lead me by your blessed Spirit
    into cleared and level pastureland.

While we are waiting on God, let's turn our attention to Him, see His plans for our lives by studying His Word, by praying, and taking time each day to look at listen for His directions.
 Keep up your reputation, God—give me life!
    In your justice, get me out of this trouble!
In your great love, vanquish my enemies;
    make a clean sweep of those who harass me.
And why? Because I’m your servant.
~ Psalm 143: 5-12 (The Message)

I'm in the valley, but I know that God is with me and that as I continue to seek Him, I will find my way out and into the 'cleared and level pastureland' that is my future.
I hope you'll keep trusting God wherever you are today and know that He has a beautiful plan for your life.
Love,
Suzanne

The Importance of a Shared Meal

It doesn't require a great investment of money...the plates, even the table and chairs, were purchased from the thrift shop where Mom volunteers...now they reside on our deck.
What I have discovered during this summer of cooking is that the greatest reward is not the well cooked meal, but the time I spend eating the meal with Mom. We eat, we talk, we enjoy the evening.
I've come to believe that our country, our world, would be a different place if we took the time to share a meal with our family or friends each evening. 
This time spent together, sharing the details of our day as we cook the meal, and then sitting at the table and conversing as we eat the food, creates an endpoint to the day, a safe place to call home, a communion with family and friends that we will not find elsewhere.
I challenge you to try this for a week, just three meals in one week...see what a difference it makes. And share your experience in the comments!
God bless you....
Suzanne

BOOK GIVEAWAY : It's Time to Plant Your Garden!

Work your garden - you'll end up with plenty of food;Play and party - you'll end up with an empty plate.-Proverbs 28:19
That's a picture of the two tomato plants I planted yesterday. I don't have a green thumb, mu thumb is so black that everything I plant dies...but every year I try again.
Our dreams - yes, mine too - are often like that. 
I have failed or experienced setbacks on my road to becoming a writer more times than I can count. In fact, my writer-dream has been twenty years in the making!
What do you need to do today or this week to plant your garden, to start that new career, or begin that dream that you have been putting off for years?
What first step can you begin today, to bring it into being?
Leave a comment below and I will give away your choice of an ebook or paperback copy of GOD LOVES YOUR DREAM next Monday.
I can't wait to hear what your first step will be!